What If
by twihart21
Summary: Edward is a successful defense attorney living in LA. He lives a lonely, predictable life. But one day, he wakes up in an unfamiliar house, in an unfamiliar room with Bella laying next to him. Will he ever want to wake up from this dream? AH EPOV
1. Prologue

**A/N: I don't own anything. My first fic so be kind. I'm reposting the un-beta'd chapters (including this one). Thank you to my faithful beta.**

Prologue

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

A soft groan escaped from my lips as I picked up my cell phone. "Cullen," I answered, annoyed as I always am every morning.

"Good morning, sir. This is your wake up call," my assistant's voice flooded over me and pricked at my nerves more than usual.

I ended the call without another word spoken. Without further hesitation, I laid one foot on the floor and then the other slowly. Standing up, I stumbled over to the wall and flipped the switch. Light poured into my studio apartment as the curtains drew away from each other. Then, faint music began playing as I started my day just like every day.

After a quick shower, I walked all around my perfectly organized closet while contemplating which suit to wear.

_Hmm… Gucci… Armani… Valentino… Calvin Klein…_

After deciding on a black Armani, I moved around to pick out the right color button down.

_White… blue… green… purple…_

Grabbing a blue button down, I picked up a gold silk tie. "Can't take no more her tears like diamonds on the floor, and her diamonds bring me down cuz I can't help her now," I sang softly to myself as I put on my clothes.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Cullen." My phone always rang twice every morning. First, my assistant to tell me to get up, and next was always the doorman in the lobby of my apartment building to say that my car had arrived to take me to the office.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen. Your car has just arrived." I can never remember his name.

_Like it matters_.

"Thank you." Throwing my phone aside on the bed, I put on my Ralph Lauren loafers and walked into my home office to grab my briefcase.

"Good morning, sir," the attendant on the elevator greeted me with a wide smile, another name that had slipped my mind.

I scoffed out a 'hello' while checking my emails on my Blackberry as I stepped into the elevator. I hummed quietly to myself Rob Thomas' "Her Diamonds" that had cemented itself into my mind since I woke up. The elevator came to an abrupt halt as the rich widow who lived six floors below my apartment climbed inside. She was dressed in all of her most luxurious furs and diamonds with her surgically enhanced face decked out in full makeup. She gave me a wide smile as she stood as close to me as possible.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen. You're looking very dashing today."

_Dashing? Ugh._

"As are you, Ms. Gallagher." Hers was a name that I could remember, but only because she never let me forget her. I took a slight step to the left. The closer she got, the closer her perfume scorched my nostrils.

"I haven't seen you around the building much lately. Been working late nights?"

I didn't like a lot of questions no matter who asked them. To me, my business was my business. Even though her question was just a friendly one, I was immediately annoyed by her.

"Yes." My answer was trite, but I would never give out much detail of my life to anyone especially her.

"You're too young to be working so much, Mr. Cullen." I let out a sigh of relief whenever the elevator reached the lobby, and the doors pulled open.

"Have a nice day, Ms. Gallagher," I replied softly before I walked briskly through the elevator doors and over to the entrance of the building.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen. It's a beautiful day," the doorman greeted me as he held the door open.

"Yes it is." I forced out a smile to reflect his own as I got into the limo parked outside the building. And it was beautiful day. If I wasn't such an obsessive workaholic then I might have enjoyed a day off. Maybe to go golfing or go see my parents whom I haven't seen in over a year; however, I am me, and I never take a day off. Never.

I kept checking my emails on my Blackberry as my driver drove me through the streets of Los Angeles. I had an email from my boss saying there would be an early meeting this morning. There were also several emails from the DA's office, and one from my assistant to remind me to be in court at two this afternoon. I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket, deciding to reply to all of them whenever I got to my desk at my office.

About twenty minutes later, we arrived at the entrance of the largest law firm in Los Angeles. I waited as my driver got out of the limo and walked around to open my door. I slipped my briefcase strap around my head so that the strap lay across my chest and over my shoulder.

I went through the lobby and up the elevator to the twentieth floor. I sighed when I entered my office. My assistant was waiting with my usual tall cappuccino. He greeted me with a smile as he handed the coffee to me. I ignored his friendly salutation and walked past him into the glass doors of my office.

He rambled on and on about the day's upcoming events. All of which I already knew about and remembered, but I guess I do pay him to remind me so I never forget. I listened to him as he recited all my messages that clients had left for me this morning.

My day at work was like any other day. I always threw myself into my work and never thought of anything else. My assistant reminded me several times during the day to call my mom. She always called every morning at the same time. Sometimes I talked to her, but most of the time I was too busy and made my assistant tell her that I would call her back.

_Which I never did._

About three or four times a week, my brothers Jasper and Emmett would call. Just like when my mom would call, I would sometimes talk to them, but most of the time I was too busy. My assistant would make excuses, and again I would never call them back.

Yes, I was alone. Extremely alone. My family had all become strangers to me which was so strange because we were all so close growing up. Most of them I hadn't seen in over a year. And if I did see them, it was usually because they would come see me. I never made the effort to go visit.

My work consumed me. It consumed my thoughts, my actions, my life. Everything. Practicing law was what I had always wanted to do with my life. Even though my dad was a doctor and both of my brothers decided to go that route with their lives also, I knew that I was different. Law school was a hard choice because medicine was what my parents had always expected me to do. But I had different plans. And because of that decision, I moved to LA to be a part of something bigger. I knew that I wanted to work for this firm. It was a goal of mine while I was in college, and as the rest of my life has shown, I always achieved my goals. Always.

The loneliness never bothered me. I guess I have gotten used to it. I decided to attend Berkley instead of the University of Washington like the rest of my family. So I had been alone since college. I was definitely used to it.

As far as romantic relationships go, well, relationships never seemed to work mostly because I didn't have the time and effort to keep them.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The ringing of my phone broke my gaze from my computer. Emmett's name appeared on the screen, and I thought for a considerable amount of time on whether or not to ignore his call. After fighting with myself, I sighed and answered it.

"Cullen." It just seemed natural to answer the phone like that. Business calls were mostly the only calls that I received during the day, so to answer in a more personable way just seemed uncomfortable even if it was my own brother calling.

"You answered? I can't believe it! I am almost disappointed. I have come to have a very intimate relationship with your voicemail," Emmett's voice was always a voice of comfort. So familiar and full of old memories, that it was hard not to smile to myself whenever I talked to him.

"I'm sorry. Should I hang up and have you call again? I won't answer next time," I joked. Wow, a joke. That was rare.

"Funny. What are you up to, man? Working, I'm sure."

"Of course. But I have a minute before I have to be in court. What's up?" Lately, Emmett called less and less. I'm sure he did not appreciate being ignored.

"Well, I was wondering if you would want to meet Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and me for dinner tonight. Jasper and I have been promising the girls a weekend in California for a while now, and we thought this weekend would be a great. We'd love to see you. And the girls really want to meet you," Emmett said. His voice was pleading. He knew what my answer was going to be before he even called.

Jasper and Emmett had both gotten engaged in the last month. I still hadn't met Alice or Rosalie. I had seen pictures that my mom would email me. They were very beautiful girls and seemed to make my brothers happy. I had almost been jealous of Emmett and Jasper for finding love. _Almost_.

"Oh, Em. Thank you for asking, but -"

"But you can't. You wish you could, but you're swamped at work," Emmett seemed to be reciting a line that I used often. More often than I thought.

"It's the truth. It really is. I miss you and Jazz, but I'm in the middle of an important case. I probably won't even leave the office until late tonight."

"That's fine. Meet us for a drink later on."

_Ugh._

I searched and searched my brain for excuses. I really wasn't that deep in cases. This time of year was always slow at work. I guess there was less crime during the summer, and for some reason I was always the busiest around Christmas. Go figure.

"Em, I don't know. I just-"

"I haven't seen you in so long, Edward. I am really beginning to miss your ugly, self-centered ass," Emmett laughed.

I paused for what seemed like minutes. I contemplated and fought with myself for a long time before I finally sighed and agreed to meet them all later but only for a quick drink. Emmett was ecstatic. He gave me the directions to the hotel they were staying at. Apparently there was a popular bar in the lobby of the hotel. I wouldn't know. Like I said, I don't get out that much.

The rest of the day/night at work went by slowly. More slowly than usual. I believe I was beginning to look forward to seeing my brothers. Just speaking with Emmett for the short amount of time over the phone made me realize just how much I missed him and Jazz.

It was such a painful experience for me whenever I decided to go to Berkley rather than follow the path of the rest of my family and go to UW. My life would have been so different if I would have decided to go there. It was hard to think about. I probably would have lived with my two brothers, gone into medicine or something (probably anything) besides law, and I would have been just as happy.

_Happy?_

Am I happy? I suppose I am. I wake up. Go to work. Go home. I don't really ever speak to anyone outside of work or my apartment building. I haven't really had a girlfriend since I graduated college. Women at work would flirt with me shamelessly every now and then, but my mind was never programmed that way to want to pursue them any further. I only wanted to be left alone. Anything outside of my world was just unwanted.

But happy? I never really thought about it. My life wasn't a happy life, but there were things in it that made me happy. Playing the piano alone at home always made me happy, but I didn't play much at all. Driving my Mercedes made me happy, but I always had a driver to take me wherever I needed to go.

So, am I happy?

_No_.

At half past ten, I went to the bathroom attached to my office where I took a shower and freshened up. I had a bathroom installed in my office a few months back due to late night cases and pulling all-nighters night after night.

I scrubbed off the residue that a full day at the office and in court had left on my body. I sighed as I looked in the medicine cabinet for my usual hair products and deodorant. After applying everything, I put on my Armani slacks and grabbed a new grey button down from the closet inside the bathroom.

While walking out the door of my office, I called my driver and had him meet me around the front of the firm's entrance.

I gave him the directions to the hotel where Emmett had told me. Within twenty minutes, I was parked outside. I fought with myself internally as I looked at the hotel's rotating doors.

"Sir?" My driver questioned me as I was lost in my own thoughts.

"Give me just a minute, Arthur." I sighed heavily and ran my hand through my hair wearily. I hadn't had a truly stimulating conversation with anyone outside of work in a long time, and I knew that seeing my brothers would bring back a lot of memories and a lot of things to discuss.

_Be happy, Edward. They are your family. You love them. _

Without further hesitation, I opened the limo door. "You can go home, Arthur. I will catch a cab home."

"Are you sure, sir?"

"Yes. Good night."

"Good night, sir." I shut the door and watched as the limo drove away. I put one foot in front of the other hesitatingly as I approached the hotel lobby. It was a lovely hotel. And even though I had been in LA for a few years now, I had still never seen it before.

"Edward!" I spun to my right after hearing my name being yelled by none other than my blonde, blue eyed brother, Jasper. I instantly smiled. Just seeing his familiar face brought back all of the love that I had for him.

"Jazz-," was all I could say before he had me wrapped in a hug. I was caught off guard by the contact. When was the last time someone hugged me?

I returned his hug with a few pats on his back. "Oh man, I've missed you. You look good." Jasper stepped back and looked me up and down. "You look damn good. I don't know if you should meet Alice or not. She may never be satisfied by me again." His eyebrows wiggled up and down incessantly.

I laughed as I clasped my hand firmly on his shoulder. "Well, let me meet her so she can choose," I joked. He laughed and directed me over to the bar.

"Edward, this is my fiancé Alice," said Jasper, as he touched the shoulder of a very small and petite brunette that sat at the bar with a drink in her hand. She turned and smiled broadly at me. She was attractive. I would consider her to be cute but not exactly sexy. She had a petite figure and short spiky brown hair that didn't come past her shoulders. Her eyes were a beautiful light blue, and I knew right then that her and Jazz would have beautiful blue eyed children.

"It is so nice to meet you, Edward. Oh, Jasper and Emmett talk about you all the time. They always talk about what it was like growing up with you. Three boys around the same age… I'm sure it was an interesting childhood. I'm so sorry that we haven't traveled here sooner so that we could meet. Jasper is just always so busy seeing patients, and he is always saying how busy you are. But it is so nice to meet you finally," she finally took a breath. It was then that I knew she was perfect Jasper. Jasper never says much, and he is always so calm. I'm sure they made a nice, balanced pair.

I smiled at her as she took my hand and shook it softly. Her skin was very pale and creamy. "It is so nice to meet you too, Alice. I'm really glad that you're going to be a part of the family soon."

Alice beamed and offered me a seat next to her at the bar.

"So where are you from, Alice? And how did you meet my brother?" I asked her after I ordered myself a beer.

"Seattle. Jasper and I met in college. Rosalie, me, and my other friend lived together in the same apartment building as Emmett and Jazz. We hung out just as friends all four years at UW, but it wasn't until Jazz's residency that he finally got up the nerve to tell me his real feelings for me," she leaned over and gazed at Jasper lovingly after a moment before she continued on. "I told him that I had always had a thing for him, too, and now here we are engaged and getting married next summer. I can't believe it."

I smiled as I watched them interact with one another. They were truly happy and in love. I felt a slight twinge of jealousy, but I was mostly happy for Jazz.

"Oh my god! He actually showed up!" I cringed as soon as I heard Emmett's voice calling from behind me.

I turned around in my chair to see Emmett waving at me from a table across the room. Sitting next to him was a beautiful blonde who was smiling as big as Emmett was.

I grinned back at them as I sat at the table with them. Jasper and Alice followed close behind me. "It's good to see you, Em." Emmett stood up and grasped me into a close bear hug. He gave me two pats on the back before he pulled away and reached out for the blonde.

"Edward, this is Rosalie. Rose, this is Edward."

I reached out and shook her hand. She smiled up at me as she batted her thick, black lashes at me. She was beautiful. I wouldn't expect anything less because I knew Emmett. He never dated anyone who wasn't blonde and fully stacked.

"Very nice to meet you," I said as I let go of her hand and sat down in between Emmett and Jasper.

"Nice to meet you too," Rosalie replied as she sipped on her drink.

"Glad you could make it. I was worried you would forget or stand us up." Emmett's words would have been hurtful if they weren't true.

I took a long gulp of my beer.

"Yeah, well. I knew I had to meet both of your future wives before you actually tied the knot. I have to approve." I caught the attention of the waitress and asked for another beer.

"And?" Emmett gave me a sideways grin which was one of his signature looks growing up. No one could ever say no to him. He always got what he wanted.

I glanced at Alice and then at Rosalie. Alice was dressed in a pencil skirt to her knees with a frilly, trendy blue top that was tucked into the top of her skirt. She seemed like she would be very short if it wasn't for her tall, skinny stilettos. But Rosalie was obviously taller. She was blonde and leggy and also insanely gorgeous, but my type wasn't leggy blondes. But it was certainly Emmett's. She wore a tight red strapless top with long black pants and black pumps.

I took another swig of beer and replied with a smile, "Jury's still out."

They all laughed, and we continued talking, more relaxed.

"Still a lonely bastard?" Emmett was always curious about my love life or lack thereof.

"Emmett." Rosalie playfully hit Emmett on his broad shoulder while scolding him for his first blunt question of the night. I expect there will be many more.

I laughed and shook my head. "No, it's ok." I looked Emmett straight in his eyes. "I guess I'm just still looking."

"Oh, come on. You're never 'looking'." Emmett did air quotes over the word "looking". In other words, he didn't believe me.

"Maybe I'm picky."

"Maybe you're too picky."

"Maybe, dear brother, you should mind your own business." I smiled at him jokingly. Emmett shook with silent laughter as he took a swig of his beer.

"Fair enough."

"So, Edward, you're a lawyer?" Alice questioned.

I took a sip of my beer and nodded my head. "Yes. I work at Smith and Layton."

"I hear that you've been very successful."

Even though I had just met Alice, I was easily relaxed when talking to her. She seemed completely sincere and real. I smiled again and nodded. "I guess you can say that."

Jasper leaned forward and chuckled. "Don't be so humble, E. You are one of the most successful defense attorneys in LA."

"And the one with the least flossed dick," Emmett cut in curtly. Jasper let out a quick giggle before catching himself and grasping his mouth with his hand. Rosalie swatted at Emmett again as Alice stifled a laugh.

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically.

While all of us laughed together, it grew silent as Alice's phone rang. She rifled through her purse before grabbing her phone. She whispered, "Excuse me," before answering it.

"Hello?" It was complete silence among the rest of us. It was as if the others wanted to hear exactly what Alice was saying. Were they expecting Alice's phone call? They all stared intently at her as she spoke. "Ok… that sounds good…. Yeah, we're sitting here at a table in the bar… it's to the left of the lobby. I'll be looking for you." There was a long pause in the conversation, and Alice looked down at herself then back up. "Well, I'm not that dressed up, but it's ok. Rose is kinda-… Bella-… no, it's fine. Just come…. Ok. Love you. Bye." She hung up, shaking her head and laughing.

"Is she coming?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah. She's just worried that she's too dressed up. She didn't have time to go home and change after the banquet."

_Wait, am I missing something?_

"I'm sure she looks fine. She always does," Rosalie replied.

_Ok, I am definitely confused._

Emmett picked up on my questioning looks. "Our friend Bella is going to stop by for a drink. She's here for the weekend, too."

I nodded, gulping down another beer. I felt myself start to feel the alcohol. The feeling in my fingertips was being to fade, and I knew the queasy feeling would start next. "She lives in LA?"

Alice laughed and shook her head. "No, she's our roommate in Seattle, but her mom and step dad live here."

"You'd like her, E. She's beautiful," Jasper said, winking at me. I groaned.

_This cannot be a set up._

"Please tell me this is not a blind date or some shit? You do realize that I can easily object during both of your weddings?"

Rosalie laughed, "No. It's really not. She has no idea about you. She just thinks it's us here."

That was when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was completely unaware of my brothers and their friends and their fiancés and their fiancé's friends. I really didn't know anything about them anymore.

"I really missed you guys," I said sincerely looking at Emmett then back at Jasper.

"We missed you, too. Nobody ever believes that we have another brother," Emmett laughed.

I nodded. That's probably true.

"I really wish that we lived closer together."

"Edward, you are the one that decided to move away," Jasper reminded me.

"I know."

"You can always move back to Seattle. There's really nothing keeping you here besides your job. I'm sure you can find a job in Seattle, though. No problem." Jasper was just torturing me, which was making me feel horrible for moving away in the first place.

"You know I can't."

Rosalie sat up and propped her head in her hand. "Why not?"

"My life's here," I said matter-of-factly back to her.

"Not much of a life, E. Just your job," Jasper wasn't trying to be rude, and I knew that so I didn't get upset at his remark.

I hung my head, finishing off another beer. "Aw, let's stop all this and not ruin the night. Let's drink!" Emmett said happily lifting his beer mug up in the air. Motioning towards the waitress, Emmett yelled, "Hey! Another round?"

"Hey, wait on me!" We all turned to see where the voice was coming from. Entering into the bar was the most beautiful sight that I had ever seen. A girl, no, a woman with long smooth dark hair that hung past her breasts was walking towards us in a long, shiny black dress that was to the floor. She had some of it gathered in her hands as she walked swiftly so as not to step on it. Her dress was form fitting and strapless. I know she must have had some one help her zip the dress because it was so tight, but it flowed nicely to the floor. It also had a slit down the side that was high on her long legs.

Because she was holding her dress up some, I looked down and noticed her stiletto high heels that clicked the floor below her. Her long hair was curled slightly at the ends which bounced as she walked and framed her face nicely. Oh, her face. Her face was just as beautiful as her body. She had soft, delicate features. She had a tiny nose, but maybe it was just tiny compared to her big beautiful blue eyes that seemed to glow. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

She smiled brightly as she made her way closer and closer to our table. Her smile was just as beautiful as she was. And her eyes mirrored her smile. She had big blue eyes that sparkled against her light colored smooth, creamy skin. She let out a long sigh as she kissed Alice on the cheek then Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and then stopped in front of me.

"Bella, this is mine and Jazz's brother, Edward," Emmett said motioning towards me.

I don't know why, but I stood up to greet her. She smiled at my movement and held out her hand. "Hi. I'm Bella. I'm sorry, but I didn't even know there was another Cullen brother until today." Her voice was like a rose. Soft and sweet. Our eyes were locked, and I don't think I could have looked away even if a siren started going off.

I smiled a toothy smile and laughed softly. "I don't come out of hiding much." I held out my hand as she slowing looked down at it then took it into her own. She gripped my hand slightly. Her skin was also soft like her voice. "It's nice to meet you, Bella."

"You, too, Other Cullen." I laughed and shook my head. She looked away from my eyes and glanced down at everyone at our table. "Thanks for saving me a seat, guys. What the hell? I know you're probably all embarrassed by the way I look, but you could at least act like you're my friends."

"Bella! You look amazing! Shut up about the way you look!" Alice was obviously irritated with Bella's worries. We all looked her up and down one last time, taking in the beauty in the long, black dress.

"Where the hell have you been?" Emmett asked as the waitress brought our beers.

Bella ordered a Tequila Sunrise from the waitress before she replied to him. "I've been at the stupid Dodgers' players' awards banquet."

"What?" Jasper, Emmett and I all said in unison.

She smiled another beautiful, wide smile and looked at all of us. "Yeah, Phil asked if Renee and I wanted to go. I really didn't care about going, but Renee really wanted me to come with them."

"You went to the Dodgers' awards banquet?" My mouth was hanging open in disbelief as I asked her again.

She smiled at me, and I began to wonder if she always smiled this much. "Yeah. My step dad plays for the Dodgers."

"I can't believe you got to go! Did you not need a date or something? Why didn't you ask me?" Jasper asked with a smile. He glanced at Alice who was smiling back at him.

"No, she would have taken me over you! Phil likes me better!" Emmett replied forcefully.

"Boys, boys, boys. Please stop fighting over me." Bella giggled.

Emmett and Jasper continued to argue as I watched her, still standing closely next to her beside the table.

The waitress walked up with her tequila sunrise and handed it her. Bella took it carefully in her hands and thanked the waitress offering her another beautiful smile. She sipped the orangey drink through a tiny straw. I was automatically mesmerized by her. She noticed me staring at her, and looked up at me from under her thick, dark lashes.

"Tequila?" I smiled with my eyebrows raised.

She laughed and nodded her head after taking one long sip. "You just met me, Cullen. You obviously don't know about my love for tequila yet. It's my weakness."

No one was paying attention to us as we continued to talk.

"Why tequila?"

"Well, in college, I tried lots of different liquors. Actually, all liquors…." I laughed to myself as she continued. "And I have come to find that tequila is my favorite above all the rest. Yes, it might sting your throat when doing shots, but it goes down smoother and tastes better than anything else." I nodded and took a swig of my beer. "Plus, it doesn't give you that awful 'next day vodka breath'. Blah." She shook her shoulders and shuddered at the thought of 'next day vodka breath'.

_She is beautiful._

"So just tequila? You never drink anything else?"

"I never said that, Cullen. I actually have one drink that I usually order anywhere that knows how to make it. And it doesn't have tequila."

"Oh really? What's that?"

"A Grateful Dead."

I laughed and took another sip of my beer before replying. "What exactly is a Grateful Dead?"

She looked up at me from under her long lashes making me wonder if she looks at everyone like that. It was driving me wild. She gave me a smirk then waved at the waitress to come over. The waitress walked over to us. "Can we have two Grateful Dead's?"

The waitress nodded and walked off. She smiled, looking back up at me. "It's on me, Other Cullen."

I smiled and nodded back at her. I looked around and saw a small table with two chairs that was empty next to the table where we were all sitting. "Would you like to sit? I know you can't be comfortable standing in those heels."

She looked down at her feet, and I guess that was when she realized that she was still holding the bottom of her dress up from when she first walked in. She instinctively let go as the dress dropped down to the floor. She looked at the empty table and nodded her head. "Actually, yes. That would be great. My feet are throbbing."

I smiled and pulled her seat out for her then went around and sat on the other side. I saw out of the corner of my eye as Emmett watched us.

"Hey! I thought you were here to see us, E? Not Bella!" Emmett yelled towards us. Our table was only about two feet from theirs, but he still felt the need to yell.

"Well, you call yourselves her friends, but none of you saved her a seat! I don't want her sitting by herself." I could see Bella looking at me with a smile still permanently attached to her full lips. I began to feel my cheeks getting hot.

_Am I blushing?_

A wide smile slowly made its way across Emmett's lips as he nodded his head and said softly, "Ok."

"Thank you," her soft voice brought me back around as I looked back at her.

"No problem at all." The waitress dropped off the two drinks that Bella had ordered. Bella gave the waitress her empty glass and took one drink then handed the other one to me.

She looked at me and smiled proudly. "I think you're going to like it."

"I don't know. I don't really enjoy new things."

"Oh, live a little. It's good." She gave the glass a nudge towards me. "Don't knock it till you try it, Cullen."

I picked up the glass and inspected it carefully. It was purple. I wrinkled my forehead saying out loud what I was thinking. "It's purple."

"It's good," she corrected me.

"What's in it?"

"It's like a Long Island except it has Razz Ma Tazz instead of coke."

My forehead wrinkled again. "What's Razz Tazz?"

She giggled. "Razz _Ma_ Tazz. Just try it."

I lifted the glass and took in the smell. It smelled pretty good like raspberries. Maybe that's because of the Razz Ma Tazz stuff. I put the glass to my lips and took a small sip. She watched me intently waiting for my response. It was sour, and I was right about the raspberries. But it was very good. It wasn't all fruity like most "girly" drinks, which made me think that it wasn't a normal "girly" drink.

"It's good." She smiled proudly and took a sip of her own drink. "Actually, it's _really_ good."

She nodded her head. "Told ya. Don't tell anyone, though, or everyone will start getting them."

I laughed and took another sip except this one was less apprehensive so it was more of a gulp than a sip.

It grew somewhat quiet between us as we just stared at one another. Words just didn't seem to matter at the moment. It was like we were having a silent conversation using just our eyes. Alice's voice brought us out of our intent stares.

"Hey, Bella! How long are you staying in LA?"

Bella broke her stare away from me to look at Alice. "I guess just the weekend. Renee and I are going to go shopping tomorrow, but I'll go back to Seattle Sunday."

"I wanna go shopping, too!" Alice exclaimed.

"Me, too!" Rosalie spoke up.

"Ok. I'll pick both of you up here at the hotel tomorrow around noon."

Alice smiled and turned back to her conversation with Rosalie. Mine and Bella's eyes met once again, and we smiled at each other broadly.

"So, you're from Forks, right?" she asked me.

"Yeah. Em, Jazz and I grew up there."

She nodded as she sipped her drink. "Yeah, I've met your parents and stayed at your house."

"Really?"

She nodded again with a smile. "Esme and Carlisle are wonderful. You're very lucky."

"Yeah, but Carlisle is no catcher for the Dodgers," I joked.

"Yeah, but Phil is no surgeon." I laughed and agreed with her.

"I don't get to visit them as often as I should. I'm always so busy at work."

Her eyes softened, and she gave me a questioning stare. "When I first heard that Emmett and Jasper had another brother, I was wondering why I had never even heard about you. Rosalie and Alice have been dating them so long that I thought I knew everything there is to know about those two."

"Yeah, my work keeps me pretty busy."

"Lawyer, right?"

"Yes."

She set her drink down and leaned forward on the table, crossing her arms and laying her elbows on the table top. She leaned forward and kept getting closer and closer to me. I had to remember to keep staring directly into her deep blue eyes or I knew I would find myself looking down the front of her tight dress.

"Tell me about yourself, Other Cullen," she smiled a sexy grin.

I cleared my throat and kept my gaze focused into her eyes. "Well, I'm a defense attorney…."

"No, no, no," she interrupted me directly. "Something about yourself outside of work."

"Um, ok." I thought as quickly as I could to find something interesting about myself.

_Maybe I should just make something up._

But then again, I couldn't just make something up. I don't know what it was about her, but I couldn't lie to her.

"Well, I play the piano, guitar and drums. So, I love music. I try to compose when I can, but because of work, I don't usually find much time to do that. I love my family even though I barely get to see them. I love baseball, actually, and I'm a huge Dodgers fan." She smiled a huge toothy smile as I continued. "I live in LA. I moved here after college. I like it on most days, then on others I think it's too hot. It makes me miss Washington."

She kept her eyes locked on mine, listening intently to what I was saying. It was as if she wanted to remember everything about me. So, I continued. "Actually, I miss Washington a lot, even the rain. I miss Emmett and Jasper. I miss Esme and Carlisle. I just miss the familiarity of Seattle and Forks. I miss having a home."

Her look softened. I couldn't believe that I was telling her these things. Especially since these things were not even thoughts that had come to my mind until now.

"Why don't you move back?"

I said without hesitation, very simply, "Work."

She frowned. "You can be a lawyer anywhere. You're obviously successful enough." The look on her face after she said those words seemed to look like she regretted saying them.

I smiled. "Why do you think I'm successful?"

For the first time tonight, she lowered her head and didn't make eye contact with me as she spoke. "I mean… I… I just thought so. You have on nice clothes, and your hair's fixed nice. And… and… and your shoes."

I looked down at my shoes quickly to try to remember which ones I was wearing.

_Black Gucci._

I laughed, "What about my shoes?"

"I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders, then stared back up at me through her eye lashes. "They're beautiful."

"So are you." As soon as the words came out I knew that it was wrong. She wasn't saying that I was beautiful. But what I had just said was definitely implying that she was beautiful.

_And she is._

She pulled her head up quickly and gazed at me as a huge smile spread across her face. I immediately felt my cheeks get hot again, and it was now my turn to look away.

_I've never blushed so much in my life._

"I mean… your shoes… uh," my voice faded. I glanced up at her, and she was still smiling at me.

"Thank you." I felt more at ease and not quite as embarrassed as I watched her keep smiling at me. She sighed and shook her head trying to forget the 'oops' moment that just occurred. "Anyway, keep going…." she said indicating she wanted to know more.

"No. It's your turn."

She looked up at the ceiling for a moment to think of what to say. "Well, ok. Let's see…." she thought for a minute more before going on. "I am originally from Phoenix, but my senior year of high school, Phil got signed to the Dodgers so my mom and Phil moved here. But I decided to go to college in Washington because my dad actually lives in Seattle. My freshman year, I met Alice who introduced me to Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett. We all became neighbors, and the rest is history." She smiled proudly at me.

"So that's how you got roped into meeting all of the Cullen's?" I joked with a smile.

She nodded, finishing off her drink. "Yep."

"So what else? Tell me something interesting."

"Ok." She looked up again as she continued to think. "Well, I am an RN. I work with Emmett in the maternity wing of the hospital. I don't really like children, which is weird because I see them being born every day. Um… I like to run. I run every morning by myself. None of them ever want to go with me," she motioned towards everyone at the table beside us. They weren't paying any attention to us. "I love movies. I quote movies all the time. It's actually annoying to most people."

"What's your favorite movie?"

"Oh gosh… um…." she stared intently down at the table trying to think. "_My Cousin Vinny_, probably."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why?" she laughed.

"I don't know. You just don't… I don't know… seem the type that would like a movie like that."

She raised her eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yeah."

She sat up straight and cleared her throat before she began to speak. "Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water - BAM. A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head. Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask ya, would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?" She said the line in a perfect New York accent that sounded just like Mona Lisa Vito.

My mouth spread into a wide smile, and I fell into hysterical laughter. I don't think I had laughed so hard in a long time. Hell, I don't know if I had ever laughed so hard in my life. She was laughing equally as hard. Her laugh was perfect. It was like a silent laugh where her face was scrunched up, her nose wrinkled and her eyes shut. After taking a breath, she would let out a few giggles then continue with silent hysterics. It was beautiful to watch and still so funny at the same time. She was perfect.

Tears were beginning to emerge from the corners of her eyes, and my side was starting to throb before Emmett piped up behind us.

"Hey! What's so going on over there?"

Bella and I continued to stare at one another and slowly our laughter diminished. There was nothing left to say in that moment, so we just ignored Emmett knowing that neither one of us knew what exactly was "going on" over here either.

We continued to order drinks and talk the rest of the night into the early morning. It never even entered my mind that I had barely spent much time talking to my brothers who had come all this way to see me.

_Oh well. I can spend time with them tomorrow._

While in the middle of conversation about Bella's experiences working with Emmett at the hospital, she took a long yawn. I glanced down at my silver Rolex and sighed.

"It's getting late. Well, actually it's getting early."

She sighed and looked out one of the windows at the bar. "What time is it exactly?"

"Four in the morning. Must be a 24 hour bar," I laughed.

She smiled and picked up her black leather clutch purse from the table. "I need to be going anyway."

My heart dropped.

"Can I give you a ride home?"

She looked up at me from under her lashes and grinned. "You drove?"

_Shit. I let Arthur go home._

"Er, no. But we can share a cab."

She shrugged her shoulders and began to stand up. "Ok. Let's go, Cullen. I'm tired."

"You know, you can start calling me Edward anytime you want," I joked as I stood up and made my way towards the bar, closing out my tab and leaving a generous tip.

She followed closely behind me, hearing her high heels click in unison with my own steps. "Why would I do that, Cullen?"

I smiled broadly still gazing forward, knowing she wouldn't be able to see me. I laughed quietly and asked the attendee to let me pay Bella's tab, too.

She walked forward and protested. "Please don't, Edward. I mean it. I can pay my own."

I raised my eyebrows and grinned at her. "Oh, I'm suddenly Edward now?"

She smiled and looked at the attendee with a pleading stare. I immediately handed him my credit card and waited. "Let me take care of you," I said simply.

Just the way the one sentence sounded as it left my mouth made me want to take it back. I was being too forward and saying things and doing things that I wouldn't normally say or do.

_'Let me take care of you.' What an idiot. _

To my surprise, she smiled sweetly up at me and grabbed at the ends of my coat that was resting gently on her bare shoulders from when she had gotten cold earlier. She turned on her heel and walked out into the lobby.

I waited a few more minutes for my credit card to be returned, but all the while I couldn't stop watching her.

I greeted her in the lobby as she waited for me. She smiled up at me and glanced around the room. "I guess we just stayed up too late for them."

Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie had gone up to their rooms in the hotel several hours ago, obviously giving up on making anymore conversation with Bella and me. We were too enthralled with each other to care about what any of them had to say.

I smiled and nodded.

We climbed in the back of a cab, and Bella gave the driver the address to her mom's house. The ride was quiet. In fact, the only interaction that we had were quick glances at one another and smiles that were being exchanged.

When we arrived at their home, I asked the driver to wait on me. I walked around to Bella's side of the cab and opened her door. I offered her my hand as she accepted it and stepped gracefully out of the car.

We walked up to the front of the house to the front steps while never letting go of each other's hands. When reached the door, we stopped and turned towards each other. She was beaming.

"Here's your jacket. Thank you," she said as she let go of my hand and shrugged off my coat and handed it to me.

"No problem. Thank you for your company tonight. It was fun." I shifted my weight from one side to the other and looked down. "I don't think I've laughed like that in a long time."

She chuckled and pushed back a strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear. "I know what you mean."

There was a long silence, and for the first time all night, I was at a loss of words to say to her. It was suddenly awkward as she gazed longingly into my eyes. I was beginning to get lost in her baby blues.

I took a step towards her. Her smell was overwhelming. She smelt of soap and something sweet.

_Cotton candy?_

It just struck me that I was closer to her now than I had been all night long. I knew her body was only but a few inches away from mine.

Suddenly, she took a small step towards me, mimicking my movements. The space between our bodies was gone, and now we were pressed up against each other. Warm body to warm body.

_Definitely cotton candy._

I smiled down at her which in turn made her smile. "You smell like cotton candy."

She let out a soft laugh and slowly nodded her head. "Yes. It's my perfume. I like candy."

I took in a long breath and let the aroma wash over me. "Mmm… me too." I gazed down at her and knew that it was now or never. I had to kiss her. I had to touch her. I had to hold her in my arms and squeeze her. My body began to ache as I fought with myself internally.

_Oh my god. I have to know what she is thinking._

My breath caught in my throat as she gently put her arm around my waist and hugged me. She softly rested her head in my chest and took a long breath.

_Did she just smell me?_

She held her position on my chest with her arms circled around my waist. I leaned down some and rested my hands on her waist. We stood like this for what seemed like an eternity, but it was still not long enough.

She sighed one last time as she smelled me again and stepped away. "It was nice to meet you, Cullen. Maybe I will see you again."

"It's Edward, and you will. Trust me."

She smiled at me one last time and stepped inside the door of the house.

**Thanks for reading. Please continue on. It gets much better.**


	2. Glimpse

**A/N: I don't own anything. Maybe this twisted story. But even some of the storyline comes from "The Family Man" film with Nicolas Cage. But the rest, I don't own. Thank you again to my wonderful beta.**

Chapter 1: Glimpse

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

A soft groan escaped from my lips as I picked up my cell phone. "Cullen," I answered.

Nothing.

Annoyed, I glanced at my phone.

_This isn't my phone._

I looked at the screen, noticing it was an alarm set to go off. It wasn't actually ringing. And the alarm was set for 10:00 a.m. I was always up at least four hours earlier than that even on the weekends.

_But whose phone is this? This is not my Blackberry._

I pressed "dismiss" on the phone's alarm. The alarm screen went away, and the background of the phone was in view. It was a picture of me and….

_Bella?_

Confused still, I set the phone back on the nightstand next to the bed. It was at that moment that I knew something was wrong. Extremely wrong.

The nightstand was not my nightstand. This nightstand was a dark cherry wood and had a framed 8 by 10 picture of me and….

_Bella?_

I immediately jerked my head from side to side still lying in the bed. The room was well lit as sunlight came streaming in from the cracks of the blinds. It was a large bedroom. The walls were a soft chocolate brown with a thin crown molding lining the top edges of the ceiling. Each wall had a piece of colorful, abstract art except for one wall which held large, beautiful black and white pictures of me and Bella.

_What the hell?_

The pictures were all so, _so_ pretty. Some were of us gazing at one another in a loving way. Some were of us laughing hysterically… Bella with her eyes scrunched closed and her mouth gaping open in laughter, and some pictures were of us just looking at the camera with just a smile on both of our faces.

Against one of the walls was a large electric keyboard, an acoustic guitar sitting on a stand, and a small set of electric drums. On the opposite wall of the instruments was a large desk that held a computer, more pictures and lots of baseball trophies, most of which I had never seen but some looked familiar.

It was such a strange feeling that came over me. I felt like this room belonged to me, but I recognized nothing. I had definitely never been in this room before, but there I was… lying in bed, looking at recent pictures of Bella and me laughing, kissing and looking so damn comfortable and natural. Panic was slowly rising in my veins when I heard loud, giant footsteps bounding closer to the door.

I jumped a little as Emmett suddenly came barreling into the room without knocking on the white washed door. "Hey! Get up, you guys! Alice is cooking French toast!"

'_Alice?' 'Everyone?' __**'You guys?'**_

Before I could open my mouth and respond, Emmett shut the door. A small voice let out a moan from next to me on the bed. I lifted the thin white sheet and saw a pair of long, slender arms wrapped tightly around my waist. My eyes followed the line of the arms and found a pile of shiny, brown locks. Slowly her head shifted up closer into my chest, and she moaned again, snuggling closer to me.

_How much did I drink last night?_

I lifted the sheet up further to get a better look at her. I still couldn't see her face, but I looked down and noticed her bare back. She was definitely topless. My eyes traveled further down her body and noticed the only piece of clothing she was wearing was a pair of lacy bright red boy shorts panties. I quickly glanced down at myself to make sure I had on some kind of underwear. My boxers were a pair that I had never seen before. They were black with silver disco balls all over them and written down the front was "Wanna take a ride on my disco stick?".

_Weird._

"It's a fucking Saturday. I don't know why we even have to get up at all," the girl on top of me said. But I knew that voice. That voice was one that I could never forget. Soft and sweet like a rose.

_Bella._

I froze as she slowly lifted herself off of me and sat Indian-style next to me with the white sheet wrapped under her armpits. I still could not see her face, only the creamy skin of her bare back and top of her red underwear. Her hair was cascaded halfway down her back and hung in loose curls. She had a sexy 'just woke up' bed head style.

Without further hesitation, I very slowly sat up next to her and leaned against the pillows on the head board of the bed. She looked over her left shoulder and stared at me from under her dark lashes. My heart skipped. It was definitely _her_.

She bit her bottom lip as I continued to watch her cautiously. A smile slowly spread across her face.

_What the hell is going on? Where am I? Why am I waking up next to you? Why are you almost naked? Why do you look so good even in the morning?_

I knew I should have said something. _Anything!_ I kept waiting on the words to come out, but nothing ever did. Between the questions that I had flooding my brain and the stare that she was giving me, words just could not seep out of my lips.

I opened my mouth at one point and waited. Maybe if I just sat long enough, I would be able to speak. But, no. With my mouth still in an "O" shape, words still did not come.

Her eyes glanced down at my lips then back up into my eyes. Back and forth, her eyes were playing with me. She kept up this rhythm while silently driving me wild.

Before I even had time to blink, in one quick motion, she burst from under the covers and straddled my hips. I took in a quick breath while never breaking our intense gaze. She sat on the tops of my thighs. I felt the lace against my bare skin, then shortly after, her hands pressed against my pecks.

"I'm sorry. I forgot to say good morning." Her voice washed over me, as I cleared my throat and desperately tried not to stare at her mostly naked body that was displayed before me.

_Why is she so comfortable with me?_

Before I could respond, she leaned down and covered my lips with hers, barely leaving me anytime to admire her breasts. I was startled at first, but I quickly recovered and closed my eyes, deepening the kiss. This was exactly what I wanted to do last night, but I was just way too scared.

Her hands traveled closely up my chest and onto my shoulders. Her fingertips skimmed down my arms softly, then back up. Finally, her hands found their destination in my hair. The feel of her soft lips moving in unison with my own was enough to make me feel so elated but still mostly confused. Kissing her seemed natural. It seemed comfortable. It seemed… right. Like we had been kissing for years.

My hands finally mustered enough courage to reach out for her skin. My fingers traveled up and down her bare back, running as smooth as water over her shoulders and down the smooth skin of her back. Her soft skin felt so fragile and delicate under my rough touch. My lips parted, as I waited for her tongue to enter my mouth. But she didn't. Instead, she pulled away and smiled at me.

My eyebrows pinched together instinctively at the sudden loss of contact. She laughed and popped up off the bed, so natural and free. "I'll be back in about an hour," she said as she danced her way around the room, grabbing clothes and shoes along the way. The last thing she took was a little white iPod that was sitting on the desk holding all of the trophies. My breath hitched as I watched mostly-naked Bella move around the room.

With all of her things in her arms, she stepped into the connecting bathroom, making sure to smile one last time at me and give me a subtle wink.

I didn't move for several minutes as I gazed at the door where she had just gone. My body was paralyzed in shock and awe.

_Am I dreaming? _

As much as I wanted to take off in a full out sprint towards the bathroom, I got out of bed and looked around the floor for the pants and shirt that I had worn last night. I searched under the bed, around the instruments on the other side of the room, under the desk and even on top of a couch that was sitting in the furthest corner of the bedroom. My clothes were nowhere to be found.

I moved all around the room hastily, still searching. But nothing looked familiar at all. There were some clothes on the floor. Some looked like they belonged to a girl and some looked like they were men's. But still, nothing looked familiar.

I sighed dejectedly and stepped into a closet that wasn't far from the bed. I moved my head up and down and side to side as I looked at all the clothes. This closet was definitely much smaller than mine, and the clothes were much different. There weren't many suits, but there were still some. There was a rack of ties, most of them were not like the ties that I normally wore to work, but what seemed the most unusual was that most of the closet consisted of normal, average, every day, strolling-around-town clothes. Jeans, t-shirts, sweaters, shorts, flip-flops… none of the these looked familiar.

_This is not my closet. This is not my room. This is not my apartment._

I put on a pair of navy shorts and a light blue polo, grabbed a pair of brown Sperrys, and bolted out of the bedroom door.

As soon as I stepped outside of the bedroom, I quickly realized that this was not an apartment. This was a house. A rather large house to be exact.

Still, nothing looked the least bit familiar. I traveled slowly around the hall trying to find something… anything that looked familiar. Not so surprisingly, nothing did.

_Nope. Never been here before._

The house was magnificent. It was beautifully decorated, and everything looked and even smelled new. Fresh paint and cinnamon scents washed over me as I continued down the long hallway until I finally came to a spiral staircase. I heard the faint sounds of voices coming from down stairs. Quietly, I descended.

The voices began to get clearer as I made my way across a large dining room and then across a living room where a large flat screen television was blaring as a Dodgers game played with no one watching. The smell of French toast and coffee kept getting stronger and stronger as I came into the kitchen.

When I appeared, four sets of eyes immediately looked at me and all smiled.

_What the…._

"Morning!" In perfect unison, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett greeted me.

I still had not spoken a word since I'd woken up. There were no words. Even though I had _so_ many questions and _so_ many concerns, the words did not come. My mind was reeling and so many thoughts were running through my head that I was afraid my mouth would not be able to keep up. It might have come out a jumbled mess of very obvious questions.

_Something is wrong. Something is completely and utterly wrong. I just don't know what._

All four of them continued to watch me as I looked at them with a look of disbelief flashing across my face. "Do you want some French toast or something, E?" Emmett broke the silence.

My head lifted, and my eyes met his. I opened my mouth to speak, but still nothing came out. I waited a few seconds before I shut it feeling once again defeated.

"Edward, are you okay?" Rosalie's voice seemed concerned but at the same time it had a hint of laughter. I was sure I looked dumb as hell standing in front of them with my mouth gaping open.

I groaned and rubbed my hand swiftly across my face. "What happened last night?" There. That was a good place to start, right?

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked as he poured another cup of coffee.

Before I could respond, I heard footsteps forming behind me. Suddenly, the same pair of slender arms that had been around my waist this morning in bed, were now wrapped around me again as I stood without moving in the kitchen. The smell of cotton candy filled my senses, and I shut my eyes tightly and took a deep breath in response to the aroma.

Bella moved quickly in front of me, never letting go of my waist. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail with a few loose hairs falling freely on her face. My eyes traveled down her body taking in her fully dressed state. She had on a tight razorback shirt with tiny shorts and the iPod she took from the desk wrapped around her arm. She smiled and stood on her tip toes to give me a quick kiss.

"I'll be right back. Love you," she said quickly before giving me a tight squeeze and making her way across the kitchen and out the back door.

'_Love you'?_

"What the hell is going on?" I finally screamed out loud, making sure the back door was fully closed before letting out my frustration.

Four sets of eyes turned towards me, all of them questioning me. Emmett was the first to speak up.

"What is your problem this morning? You're acting weird."

"I'm acting weird? I'M ACTING WEIRD?" My voice went from screaming to shouting. "WHY WON'T SOMEONE ANSWER ME AND TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

Silence.

They all glanced at each other with more questioning looks before returning back to my gaze.

"UGH!" I groaned angrily as a thought popped into my head.

I ran toward the front door of the house that I had remembered seeing as I was walking through the dining room and living room. I swung the door open hurriedly and stepped outside.

_Uh…._

I froze. The wind picked up as soon as the door shut behind me, and my shirt waved in response across my chest. The air was chilly but still somewhat warm.

_I'm definitely not in LA._

And as soon as those thoughts ran through my head, I knew I had to find out where the hell I was. I ran down the driveway, not paying much attention to the cars there, all I could think about was finding out the truth.

I reached my destination and stopped abruptly. Slowly, I opened the flap of the mailbox and took out its contents. I arranged all of the envelopes under my arm as I unrolled the newspaper and pulled it open to the front page. My breath hitched as I read it.

_The Seattle Times. _

I looked across the same page searching for the date.

_July 9, 2009._

So, it was still the next day, but I was in Seattle? The newspaper fell from my fingertips as I continued to stare into space.

_Am I dreaming? Do I have amnesia? Was I kidnapped or something?_

All of the possible scenarios to try to explain this kept running through my mind one after another. But nothing made the least bit of sense. I ran my hand threw my untidy bronze hair forgetting that the mail was under my arm. I picked up the fallen envelopes from the sidewalk and started on my journey back into the house while I flipped through the mail, looking at the names on the outside.

I halted immediately as I read the names.

Two had Jasper's name printed on them, a fitness magazine had Emmett's name, but it was the last envelope that caused me to stop breathing:

Dr. Edward Cullen

1113 Lakehurst Dr.

Seattle, W.A. 98101

* * *

**a/n: OMG! What is going on?**

**Read on.**


	3. Erased

**a/n: I don't own. Duh. I love every reviews. They are the bread to my butter.**

**I love my beta. And this story. And Edward. And you. **

**Let's see what happens...**

Chapter Two: Erased

_I hate planes._

I stared straight ahead not taking my eyes off the back of the person's head in front of me. She was an older woman with white, curly hair. I had been staring at her head for so long that I memorized everything about it. I knew each wave, how the light hit it, and even how it never moved when she would shake her head back and forth.

But nothing, _nothing_ could break my train of thought. I replayed over and over what I had learned this morning. I thought of the mail that had my name on it. I thought of the looks on everyone's faces when I asked them what was going on. I also thought of the look on their faces whenever I left and told them I wouldn't be back for a while.

_If ever…._

Luckily, Bella still wasn't back from her jog whenever I left. I knew I wouldn't be able to say good bye to her and give her any sort of excuse for my rash, inexplicable actions.

But I needed answers. I needed concrete, tangible, solid, one hundred percent real answers. And I knew there was only one place to find them.

My life had always been predictable. Get up, go to work, go home and do it all over again. Up until now, I never questioned it, never wanted something different. And somehow I knew that whatever was going on was more than just something simple that I could fix.

"We will be landing in the LAX airport shortly. Please fasten your seatbelts as we prepare our descent," the pilot's voice filled the plane which broke me from my thoughts.

I didn't bring any sort of luggage with me. I knew that if I did I might be packing up clothes and other things that I wasn't sure were mine or not. I had this suspicion that happened to be mine, but even thinking that brought on more and more questions.

As I walked through LAX, I took out the phone that I had assumed was mine and looked to see if there were any messages waiting for me after the three hour flight.

_7 text messages and 12 voicemails. _

I sighed as I read the text messages first. Many were from Emmett which were short and to the point. Mostly, _"where the fuck are you?" _or _"what the fuck's wrong with you?"_ I deleted those. Then, there were a couple from Jasper which said almost the same thing but only without the extra profanities. But I noticed the last one, the one that was the most recent was from Bella. It was short and sweet, and for some reason, it was comforting.

"_I hope everything is alright. I love you and miss you. – B"_

It was the only text that I didn't delete.

I listened to the voicemails. All of them were from Emmett and Jasper, and they all restated their texts. I deleted them as well.

But before I put my phone back into my pocket, I looked at the background… the picture of me and Bella. Bella had her arms wrapped around my neck, and she was kissing my cheek. I had a big, goofy grin on my face, and there was a sparkle in my eye that I had never seen before. We looked so happy, so completely in love. Maybe we were. Maybe we had been for a long time….

_Maybe._

Again, only more questions surfaced.

I grabbed a cab outside of the airport, giving the driver directions to my office building. When we arrived, it seemed like nothing had changed. It almost felt like any other day arriving at work. _Everything_ was the same.

I let out a huge sigh of relief, thinking to myself that maybe my whole world wasn't crashing down around me. I paid the driver and stepped out into the brisk LA sunshine. I smiled to myself as I walked one foot in front of the other into the rotating doors of the law firm.

My smile widened as I approached the front desk security guard. He was also the same. Too bad I was so horrible with names.

"Hello!" I grinned at him as I walked closer and closer to him.

The guard sat up straight in his chair and looked at me questioningly. "Can I help you, sir?"

My smile was gone as quickly from my face as it had come. He was always friendly with me every morning and would greet me by saying the same phrase, _'Good morning, Mr. Cullen'._

I stopped dead in my tracks and faced him with questions running over and over in my head. A battlefield of different questions with no apparent answers was stirring in my mind, and a haze seemed to go over my eyes and rest there.

"Are you alright, sir?" The security guard stood up and took a step towards me.

"Do you really not remember me?" my voice was shaky and low, almost a whisper.

The large, dark-skinned middle-aged man took another step towards to me. The look on his face was one I never wanted to see again.

"I'm sorry, sir. But I've never met you before." He took another step. "Now, can I help you with something?"

The front door of the building rotated, and the light hit a large metal name plate that hung on the wall behind the desk of the security guard. My eyes blinked several times and squinted in response to the bright burst of light. Then an idea struck me.

I ran over to the wall, gripping the side of the desk and ignoring the questions being asked by the security guard. I searched and searched the wall looking over all of the names carefully….

… Bruce

Carpenter

Carter

Cashion

Clemmons

Colvard

Crosslin

Cullman

Daniel…

No Cullen. No office number with Cullen beside it. No trace of my existence. I was gone. Erased.

I stepped back slowly, so slowly it seemed as though everyone around me was running. My head felt light as a feather but also so heavy like I couldn't stand up any longer. My knees went weak. My eyes started to see dots, and my ears were roaring. And all of a sudden everything went black.

Oh, the pressure. The pressure was unbearable. The pressure was the only thing I could feel. A weight was hanging on my chest. The pressure made it hard to breathe.

Sounds filled my ears, but all I could hear was rushing water.

Someone murmured in my ear, but the water made it impossible to hear.

I heard it again, but the water… no, it wasn't water.

"Sir?" A voice. Was someone speaking to me?

Blackness all around me. Nothing else.

"Sir? Can you hear me?" My eyes pulled open. No more blackness.

My eyes focused. The security guard. The security guard was standing over me, talking to me. I groaned loudly, blinking a few times then slowly sitting up.

"Go slow, sir. You fell pretty hard." His voice was caring, but I was sure he resented me making a scene.

"I'm fine," I said as I got to my feet. I stood in front of him but only coming to his shoulder.

He scoffed at me as he spoke, "If that's all, sir, then I think you ought to be leaving."

I looked away from him and down the long stretch of offices, couches, chairs, lamps, desks, tables and people and sighed. This would be the last time I would ever set foot in this building again.

"Don't worry. I've already gone." Those were my last words, traveling through the revolving doors and out into the hot sun of LA.

My heart was heavy, and my head hung low as I stepped out of the cab and in front of my apartment complex.

Just like my office building, it looked the same. Like nothing had changed. I immediately regretted my decision to come here. It was a waste of time. I knew what would happen.

"Hello, sir. Can I help you?" the doorman greeted me. I really wished I could remember people's names.

"I just have a quick question," I said, stepping closer to him.

"Okay."

I leaned towards him and studied him carefully. Still the same doorman, still the same building. _What had changed?_

"Do I look familiar?" The expression on his friendly face changed and his eyebrows gathered together in the center of his forehead. "I mean, the slightest bit? Do you think that there is the slightest possibility that we have met before?"

I stepped even closer, never breaking our eye contact. I wanted to make sure that he stared at me long enough to know without a doubt the answer to my question.

So, I waited. I could tell that he was taking his time, like the solution to this was not easy. It was as if he knew how important his answer to my question was.

Suddenly, his faced relaxed, and he sighed.

"I'm sorry, sir. But I'm positive we've never met."

I ran my hand through my hair and groaned slightly under my breath. "Thanks anyway. Sorry to bother you."

Without waiting for his reply, I stalked out of the building and back to the cab. I told the driver to take me back to LAX International Airport.

I wasn't sure where else to go. I had nothing. I owned nothing. No job. No home. No identity. No life. And for the first time in a long time, I felt completely alone.

As if she heard my thoughts, my phone buzzed in my pocket. A text.

"_Come home to me. - B"_

I thought for a moment about if I should respond or not. I felt sorry for her. She was waiting on someone. Someone who wasn't me.

Losing the fight, I typed out a response.

"_On my way."_

Glancing at her face one last time before I slid my phone back into my pocket, I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding in.

My phone buzzed again.

"_I love you. - B"_

_That_, I couldn't respond to. Instead, I dialed the only person that I knew I could talk to. The only one who I knew would tell me the absolute truth with no questions asked. The only person who was enough of a friend to be honest and family enough to show me the love that I so desperately needed.

A tear slid down my face as I put the phone to my ear and waited for him to answer.

After only one ring, he picked up.

"Hey. It's me," I said through the silent tears as they rolled. "We need to talk."

* * *

**A/N: Gosh, this isn't making any sense. **

**Read on, loved ones.**


	4. Questions

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Don't claim to. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!! BTW**

**I just wanted to clarify a few things. Bella is NOT the same Bella described in Twilight. Not at all the same. Obviously, the Bella that I visioned has blue eyes and is confident, sure of herself, outgoing, a good dancer, not clumsy and pretty much the opposite of every other Bella you've read about in other fics. Just so ya know...**

**Author's note at the end of the chapter.**

* * *

Chapter Three: Questions

_2:30 a.m. Geez…_

I glanced at my watch, shutting the door to my silver Range Rover. I guess it was mine. The keys were next to my cell phone on the nightstand so I was pretty sure it was mine. Then again, I'm not sure of anything anymore.

I stepped inside the house in Seattle trying to be as quiet as possible. I turned the corner of the living room, trying to remember how to get the kitchen. I soon found the way being guided by a light, the only light that was on in the whole house. I walked into the kitchen and found the one person that I knew could help me. The person whom I had asked for their help.

_Jasper._

He was sitting at a barstool in the kitchen by himself with a cup of coffee clutched in his hands. He was waiting for me just as I had asked him. He watched me as I tossed my keys on the counter and let out a long sigh. I ruffled my hair and rubbed my face in my hands, moving closer to him.

He still didn't speak.

On the phone, I didn't give him any specifics. I knew he was patiently waiting on me to begin to explain my strange behavior. Inside I knew, however, that I could not tell him the truth.

_The truth? HA!_

I still don't know the truth. The truth was still a mystery. A mystery trying to be solved. The only truth that I knew was day before yesterday I woke up in my apartment in LA and went to work. After work, I met my family drinks. The next morning, I woke up in Seattle with Bella. That was the truth.

I walked over and sat next to Jasper on the stool beside him. He didn't move or look at me. He kept staring down at his cup of coffee, still waiting.

I rested my hands on the counter in front of us, staring intently at my fingers as I began to speak. "Jasper, I need to talk to you."

"I know, Edward. You told me that much already," Jasper replied. He seemed annoyed. I guess I couldn't blame him. I opened my mouth to reply but quickly shut it when he kept talking. "You just left! You didn't tell anybody where you were going or when you would be back. Nothing! And you were acting so funny. You had Bella worried-"

"Jazz, please stop!" I yelled frustrated.

He did as I asked, still never looking at me. He let out a long sigh and took a sip of his coffee.

"Jazz, I just need to ask you some questions. They're going to seem weird, but I need you to promise me something."

Finally, he turned his head and looked at me. His expression softened immediately. "What?"

"I need you to promise me that you will be honest with me." His blue eyes were poking holes through me. I felt so exposed.

"Okay."

"No questions asked?"

"Okay, Edward."

"Okay." I looked away from him. _Where should I begin?_ I decided to start with the biggest questions. "Bella and I are dating right?"

Jasper looked forward again and shook his head, shutting his eyes tightly, "Edward…"

"Please, Jasper."

He sighed and nodded his head. "Yes."

"She's my girlfriend, right?"

He nodded again.

My next question, I was afraid to ask. The answer would determine a lot, answer a lot but still pose more and more questions. "How long have we been together?"

Jasper shifted in his seat and looked into my eyes. My eyes were desperate and hanging on his word, waiting for his answer with uncertainty and longing. "About four years."

I felt light headed again. I felt like my body was weightless. Jasper's words echoed again and again in my head. _Four years. Four years. Four years?_

"Oh my god," I mumbled as I rubbed my hand through my hair. "How?" My words were so soft, I wasn't even sure Jasper even heard them. It wasn't meant to be a question for him, but he answered anyway.

"You love her," he said, simply.

I shook my head vigorously from side to side, never ceasing. No way. There was no way that I loved her.

_I don't even know her!_

"Edward, what's going on?"

"You promised no questions, Jasper. I just need some answers from you. No questions asked." He looked down and nodded. No matter how much it pained him for me not to tell him what was going on, it pained me more to keep it from him. But I swallowed and continued, trying to push away my thoughts of Bella for the time being. "Do I live here?"

Jasper nodded. "Yes."

"With Bella?"

"No. She has an apartment about ten minutes away, closer to the city. But she stays here every night."

"Then who else lives here?"

"You, me and Emmett." I heard a hint of annoyance in his voice. My questions were beyond stupid to him.

These were all questions that I knew I should have known, but I didn't. "And Alice and Rosalie?"

He shook his head. "No, they both have their own apartments, but they're here almost every night too."

There was a long silence between us. Jasper was still waiting on me to ask another question, but I was clearing my head and making room for all these new facts. I searched and searched my brain for any memory of anything Jasper was talking about, but there was nothing. I didn't remember any of it. If I was so in love with Bella, then why couldn't I remember her?

"Jasper, when I was getting the mail this morning, I noticed that it said I was a doctor?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah."

I cleared my throat and kept going, "I'm not a doctor, Jazz."

He let out a short, soft laugh and shook his head. "No, no you're not."

That wasn't the reply that I was expecting. "What? The letter was addressed to Dr. Edward Cullen?"

"Well you have a PHD, Edward. But you're not a doctor of medicine."

Even though, I was relieved to hear him say that, it only brought more questions. "What? What am I a doctor in, then?"

A one word answer was all he said, "Music."

For the first time, I smiled. I smiled because the thought of me having a PHD in music seemed just like something I would do. I always had a passion for music. It was something that I loved to do, and I was always good at it. It made sense.

And for the first time, I laughed. I chuckled to myself, thinking about what Jasper was explaining to me. "Of course."

Jasper was silent, but a smile reached his lips as he watched me.

"Where do I work?" I asked.

"Washington Heights Academy. You're head of their music department."

_A high school? I'm a teacher?_

I stared back at Jasper with a look of disbelief, "I teach music to high school students?"

He nodded and looked away again. "Well, you teach a bunch of rich, snobby teenagers who pay way too much to go to that big expensive school."

I laughed and nodded my head. I had heard of Washington Heights Academy, and it was definitely a prestigious private school.

Before, I could ask him another a question, Jasper interrupted my thoughts, bringing up Bella again. "Bella teaches there too."

"She does?" I raised my eyebrows while asking him, "What does she teach?"

"English."

I wondered to myself why Jasper shared that information with me. I hadn't asked him anymore about Bella, and it was quite obvious from the beginning that Jasper wasn't giving me anymore information that I didn't ask him about first. It seemed to me that he was starting to realize something was wrong, and I was going to need as much information about my life as he could give me. But still, he never asked me any questions why. And for that, I was grateful.

"Jazz, how did I meet Bella?"

Jasper smiled to himself, still staring at his cup of coffee. "You met Bella the same day that Em and I met Alice and Rose." He took a sip from his coffee mug and kept going. "Almost four years ago, we were walking outside of our apartment building in Seattle. It was the beginning of your junior year at Washington, and our apartment wasn't but about four blocks from campus. Anyway, we stopped outside because we heard girls arguing from the apartment below us. It was horrible yelling and cussing. I've never heard such foul, female mouths in my life." He laughed and shook his head before continuing. "We went downstairs to see what all the commotion was about. Their door was open so we looked in and saw the three people that would change our lives forever."

Jasper's eyes were glazed over, thinking intently about that day. He was in another world, and suddenly a new emotion that I had never felt before in my life crept through my body. Jealousy. I was jealous. Of what? I'm not sure. Jealous of this "other Edward"? The Edward that led this life? The life that should have been mine.

I waited as Jasper continued. He smiled and laughed to himself, "They were arguing over who would have the room with their own bathroom and which two would have to share one." He shut his eyes and continued to laugh. "Rosalie won the fight. She's always been the overbearing one." I laughed along with him. "We asked them if they needed help moving their stuff in. And the rest just fell into place after that."

I thought that his story was done. I thought that he had finished telling me about Bella, but he kept going, still staring straight ahead not looking at me. "Edward, I've never seen such devotion in my life. It's like looking at Mom and Dad when I'm with the two of you." He turned and gazed at me, making eye contact with me. "Edward, I don't know what's going on, and I'm not going to ask. But you can't screw things up with her. If she knows something's up, then I don't know what would happen. But know this, Edward…" Jasper grasped my arm and gripped it so tightly that the tips of his fingers were turning white. "She loves you, and you're only happy when you're with her."

Jasper never spoke much. Emmett and I were always the outgoing, athletic ones who made good grades and never really had to try hard at anything. Jasper, however, was the middle child and nothing came easy to him. He had to climb mountains to get where he was, but despite all that, he loved Emmett and I and never resented us. With all that being said, I knew that in that moment, truer words had never been spoken. My best friend, my brother and roommate (apparently) was the only one who could tell me truth.

But with that truth comes the reality. The reality being my new life with having a PHD, being a teacher, living with Emmett and Jasper and being in love.

Jasper's hand released my arm and went back to the coffee mug. "Jasper, you said that I went to Washington. You mean, I graduated from the University of Washington?"

"Yeah."

"I never went to Berkley?"

"No, Edward. You went to the University of Washington with me and Emmett."

There was the key. I never went to Berkley. I never became an attorney. I never moved to LA. I never worked for Smith and Layton. But instead, I became a teacher. I met Bella. I fell in love. And yesterday, I woke up and everything was different.

I smiled and nodded my head. "Alright, Jasper. Thanks for everything. You've helped me a lot." I stood up off the barstool and started to walk towards the living room. I stopped suddenly and turned to speak to Jasper one last time. "That's my room up there, right?"

Jasper smiled at me and laughed, nodding his head slowly. "Yeah, man."

"Is she up there?"

He nodded again.

I took one step before stopping again. "Hey Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anybody about tonight, ok?"

"No problem, Edward. No one would believe me anyway."

I laughed and kept walking, nodding my head along the way. I had to feel around in the dark to make my way across the living room and up the stairs without tripping or knocking something over. I knew that if I really had been living here for awhile, I would have known my way around, but I hadn't and didn't.

As I climbed the stairs, my stomach started to flutter. I was nervous. I was nervous to see Bella again. She gave me butterflies every time I saw her, but now things were different, much different. This Bella was in love with me and had been for many years. This Bella knew me well, in fact, better than I knew myself. This Bella was my girlfriend. That thought made me nervous too.

I opened the door, slowly. It was about three in the morning. She was probably sleeping, and I didn't want to wake her. All of the lights were off inside the bedroom so I slowly made my way to the bathroom door, trying not to trip over anything. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful. My foot got caught on something, and I toppled to the floor, falling face first.

I groaned as quietly as I could, but I wasn't quiet enough because the next thing I heard was cursing coming from the bed.

"Shit! Edward!" In a flash, the light in the room was on, and Bella was by my side in nothing but a black tank top and a black thong. I darted my eyes away, automatically feeling bad for staring at her. "Gosh, are you okay?"

Her hair was pulled up in a high pony tail that was tucked slightly to the left side of her head with loose strands falling in her face. She was bent over me with her hands on my chest.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just tripped on something."

She laughed and picked up a pair of tennis shoes, lying on the floor. She looked at me and smiled. "How many times have I told you to put your shoes up?"

She helped me get to my feet, and we were suddenly face to face. We were so close that I could feel her warm breath playing against my neck. I tried my best not to keep gawking at her appearance. I was failing miserably.

Ignoring her question, I said, "I'm sorry I woke you up."

She waved her hand, dismissing my apology and tossing the shoes back to the floor. "I wasn't sleeping anyway."

She snaked her arms around my waist, pressing herself against my chest and leaning her head against the top of my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her waist and lightly squeezed her. I needed this hug.

I sighed quietly and shut my eyes tight. All of my worries seemed to drift away as she let me hold her. I dipped my head and breathed in her scent.

_Cotton candy._

"Why do you always smell so good?" I asked.

I felt her shoulders shake against my body before I heard her let out a soft giggle. It was a beautiful sound.

"Mmm…" she said simply while squeezing me. I mimicked her movement never realizing how long we had been holding each other. "I missed you, Cullen."

I laughed at her name for me. _At least, one thing hadn't changed._

"I missed you too, Bella." My eyes flew open after I let the words slip. This situation was hard for me. I hadn't known Bella but just two days, but to her, we had been together for years. There was no way that I would tell her the truth, but I knew if I was going to play the part of this "new" Edward then I couldn't lie to her too.

But I honestly wasn't lying at that moment. I realized that I really did miss her.

_I can go weeks without speaking to my parents, but I can't go a day without missing a girl that I really don't even know?_

I guess so.

"Baby?" she broke the silence.

"Hmm?" I replied, shutting my eyes again and still holding her tightly. I pushed away the giddiness I felt in the pit of my stomach to here her call me that.

I felt her move slightly in order to look up at me, her deep blue eyes looking into my green ones questioningly. "Where did you go?"

I knew I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't tell her the truth either. Both would hurt her.

"I just had to check on something, but I'm back now. I'm sorry I left, Bella. I didn't mean to worry you."

I could see in her eyes how tired she was, and I think that was reason why she didn't press me for more information. She simply sighed and rested her head back against my chest.

"Promise me you won't leave me like that again."

I knew there was no way I could promise her that. I wasn't sure how long this life would last. Maybe I would wake up tomorrow and be back in my apartment in LA. Maybe this was all a very real dream, and I only got a glimpse of what my life would have been like if my decisions had been different. But all things considered, I knew that there was no where else I would rather be than right here with Bella, holding her.

So despite my better judgment, I made her a promise that I knew I wouldn't keep. But for her sanity, and for my wellbeing, I made the promise anyway.

"I promise."

She stood up on her toes and kissed me chastely on the lips. I held her lower back in place so I could kiss her for a moment longer before I set her down.

She yawned and rubbed her eyes against my shirt vigorously back and forth. I laughed and stroked her back. "You need to get some rest."

She smiled and nodded her head. "I know. Are you coming to bed?"

"I'm going to get a quick shower first, and then I'm coming."

I watched her closely as she moved past me. My eyes raked up and down her exposed body. I couldn't imagine even after four years of being with her how the "other" Edward ever got used to seeing her like this.

She slapped me playfully on the ass as she slipped back under the covers and snuggled in bed. Once she was settled, she was grinning at me wildly.

I couldn't help myself. I smiled back at her.

I walked to the edge of the bed and rested my hand against her smooth, warm cheek. She leaned into the palm of my hand and shut her eyes briefly. "Good night, Bella."

"Good night, baby." I rubbed my thumb against her cheek, thinking to myself how good it felt to hear her call me that.

I let my hand fall to my side as I made my way towards the bathroom. I found the light switch and turned the light to bathroom on before turning the bedroom light off. I wasn't taking anymore chances of falling.

When darkness covered the room, I heard a small, sweet voice whisper, "I love you."

Without a response, I shut the bathroom door and took a shower.

It felt so good to have a shower finally. I could feel the warm, plummeting water washing away all the grime that was left after the day's events. I tried to focus my attention on what everything Jasper had told me meant. I tried think about what could have possessed me to want to go to UW instead of Berkley. What had changed my mind? It seemed that that decision was the one that had led me to this life. I wondered why.

Maybe there had always been a plan for me to end up here. Maybe I was always supposed to become a music teacher instead of an attorney. Maybe…

I thought back to the pictures on my wall of Bella and me. I looked so happy with her, and after being together for almost four years, it was evident that I, in fact, had found happiness. I smiled to myself while in the shower, thinking about how music made me happy, and Bella made me happy. Maybe this new life was the best one for me. Maybe…

I stepped out of the shower, drying myself off and wrapping the towel around my waist as I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed. I wiped my hand against the fog on the mirror in the bathroom, in order to see my face. I wondered if I needed to shave, but my reflection in the mirror surprised me.

Had I really gone all day without looking a mirror?

My hair was longer than I usually kept it. I guess that's why I kept running my hands through it throughout the day. It was usually never a habit I had before. My brown locks were disheveled and some were even hanging in my face but not quite reaching my eyes.

I also noticed two prominent sideburns. I definitely never had sideburns before yesterday. In my head, I had never pictured myself with sideburns. I figured they would only make me look shaggy and unkempt; two things that I could never be while working at Smith and Layton. I was wrong though. I looked…distinguished. I smiled to myself wondering how this new life could have changed my appearance too.

I pulled my right hand up and touched the side of my face, running my fingers along the line of the sideburn. It was then that I noticed something on my shoulder. I brought my hand back down to my side as my eyes raked over the pinkish scar running all the way down my shoulder.

_What the hell?_

I fought the urge to run out of the bathroom and go ask Jasper immediately, but I stopped myself. Instead, I traced my finger around the scar, studying it carefully. I rotated my arm around to see if I felt any sort of pull or discomfort at all. I felt nothing.

Feeling curious now, I turned to the left, still watching myself in the mirror closely. Nothing was different there. I turned to the right, still nothing. Then, I turned all the way around so my back was almost completely facing the mirror, but my head was turned as far as I could to turn it forward still watching myself. It was then that I saw a tattoo. It wasn't very big, about the size of my fist and rested on top of my left shoulder blade. I inched closer to the mirror, trying to get a better look. It was three Greek letters: "ΛΕΏ".

_Lambda Epsilon Omeg__a? A fraternity? I was in a fraternity?_

I laughed out loud at the thought of me in a fraternity. The thought had never even crossed my mind to join one. I always thought it wasn't for me, and I was always too focused on studying to be apart of something like that. I guess I was wrong.

I stepped out of the bathroom as quietly as I could, trying not to wake up Bella. When I opened the door to the bathroom, the light glowed across her sleeping face, and I thought to myself how beautiful she looked.

Leaving, the door opened slightly, I went across the room to a dresser, hoping to find a pair of boxers. I was glad to know that Bella was asleep; I knew if she saw me fumbling around drawer after drawer looking for something to wear, she would know something was up.

I found the drawer with my boxers in it after opening the fourth drawer. I slipped them on, allowing the towel that hung on my hips to slip to the floor. I didn't know where to put laundry.

_I'll just wait and watch where Bella puts hers tomorrow._

As I turned off the light of the bathroom and walked to the right side of the bed, I heard Bella stir in her sleep. She murmured incoherent words as she turned on her other side. I thought to myself as I laid in bed next to her how she knew that I slept on the right side of the bed.

Then I remembered…

_You've been together for almost four years, Edward. Of course __she knows which side you sleep on._

I smiled to myself as I laced my arm around her waist and brought her closer to my body, spooning her. I squeezed her gently and took a deep breath, letting her scent warm me.

She moved a little and whispered, "Edward."

I rose up some to look at her face. Her eyes were shut tight, and her lips were pursed together making an "o" shape.

I smiled. She was dreaming about me.

At that moment, I realized something. If this was a dream that I was currently living in, then I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want to wake up tomorrow and be back in LA alone, without her. But no one ever asked me what I wanted. So, internally, I knew that it was possibility.

_What if I woke up, and she wasn't lying beside me?_

* * *

**A/N: Hmm…**

**Only a handful of you have reviewed so please let me know what you think! I don't know what you like or don't like unless you tell me :)**

**I hope you're questions are all answered. A lot of you said you were confused. I'm sorry about that. Hope it's all cleared up. **

**P.S. Don't hate on the fraternity thing. It's going to serve a purpose in the story, I promise. I was in a sorority in college, and it was the best four years of my life! We're just getting started so be patient with me! Bella/Edward relationship will pick up, don't fret. **

**'Preciate you! **


	5. Reality

**A/N: Links are posted on my profile for several things. I hope they work. If they don't, let me know. **

**Sorry this took so long to get out. I got sucked into a story and couldn't break away. I finished it though, so I'm back now! See A/N at the end.**

* * *

Chapter Four: Reality

_Oh no…_

I reached over, not lifting my head off the pillow yet and felt around the bed after waking up. No Bella. I was alone. My head immediately rose as I looked around the room.

A sigh escaped my lips as I realized I was still in the room that I fell asleep in. I was still in Seattle.

I felt nothing but relief as I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes. Still feeling tired after over six hours of jet-lag and being up so late taking its toll on my day yesterday, I reached over and grabbed my cell phone from the night stand, checking the time.

_Sunday, July 10, 2009, 2:24 p.m._

I don't think I had ever slept so late in my life, but I still felt sleepy. I was about to lie back down until I heard faint music and singing. I listened closely and started to chuckle.

_Carry on my wayward son_

_There'll be peace when you are done_

_Lay your weary head to rest_

_Don't you cry no more_

The lyrics came from a stereo and Bella's voice as she belted it out from inside the bathroom. I got out of bed slowly and walked to the bathroom door. I leaned against it, pressing my hands and ear to it carefully not making a sound.

I smiled to myself and chuckled silently, listening to the slightly out-of-tune singing come from her voice.

__

Once I rose above the noise and confusion  
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion  
I was soaring ever higher  
But I flew too high

She belted out the chorus again over the music and over the running water from the shower.

_Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man_  
_Though my mind could think I still was a mad man_  
_I hear the voices when I'm dreaming_  
_I can hear them say_

_Carry on my wayward son_

_There'll be peace when you are done_

_Lay your weary head to rest_

_Don't you cry no more_

Feeling almost mesmerized by the lyrics and their meaning and also by the voice from which they came from, I had the sudden urge to want to see her as she sang. And as I stood there in only my boxers with my ear pressed against a bathroom door like a complete idiot, I felt nothing but butterflies rumbling in my stomach. They were butterflies of uncertainity and unfamiliarity and, most importantly, newness all of which I felt only because of her.

I heard her keep singing as I kept smiling.

_Masquerading as a man with a reason_  
_My charade is the event of the season_  
_And if I claim to be a wise man, well_  
_It surely means that I don't know_

_On a stormy sea of moving emotion_  
_Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean_  
_I set a course for winds of fortune_  
_But I hear the voices say_

_Carry on my wayward son_

_There'll be peace when you are done_

_Lay your weary head to rest_

_Don't you cry no more_

_  
_As just the music played, and there were no words, I heard the sound of feet against the shower and water sloshing. My smile grew. She was dancing.

I stepped away from the door, still smiling. I found a pair of flannel pajama pants in the dresser where my boxers were. I walked down the hall and found a bathroom. Even though Bella might have been comfortable with me walking in on her in the shower, I knew I wasn't comfortable with it. So I used the other bathroom and found a tube of toothpaste. I squeezed some on my finger, thinking that I would brush my teeth better later once Bella was finished.

After making my way back to the bedroom, I sat on the black, fold out bench that lay in front of the electric keyboard in my bedroom. I stared at the black and white keys in front of me, noticing how there were some keys that were discolored.

_I must have played this a lot._

I looked beside the instrument and found papers stacked in an orderly fashion with several notebooks under them. I began to look through them as I heard Bella turn off the shower and the stereo in the bathroom.

I put the notebooks away and turned my attention back to the keyboard itself.

I gently rested my fingertips on top of the object without pressing down yet. In the pit of my stomach, I felt an unyielding urge to stop myself. This wasn't right.

_This isn't mine._

Loosing the fight internally, I flipped the switch, hearing the keyboard come to life. I started to play as Bella emerged from the bathroom in only a hunter green towel, wrapped tightly around her body and her hair dripping down her back. I froze and stopped playing immediately.

I watched utterly mesmerized by her actions as she made her way around the room, grabbing clothing and odds and ends that I didn't even notice. My eyes were fixated on nothing else but her and her movements.

My body went numb as I watched her kick up her foot and rest it next to me on the bench. I tried my best not to stare while she applied lotion to her leg that was bent beside me.

I gulped loudly as I watched her apply lotion in one long streak down her leg then gently caress her leg as she rubbed it in. Her hands made their way up and down her leg in fluid motions like running waves down her pearly, smooth skin. She did it slowly, running her fingers over every inch of her skin not missing a spot. I felt my blood rushing to places that I tried to control.

"Are you working on lesson plans?" Her voice startled me, and I drew my eyes away from her bare leg in front of me and up into her ocean blue eyes.

The beauty in her eyes and in her face that had a fresh new glow made me ache. I physically ached inside. Something that was so new.

"What?" she asked, letting a giggle release from her lips.

I shook my head, glancing downward. "Nothing. Um…" I stalled as I tried to recall her question. Once, it hit me, I replied, "No. I was just playing around."

"Oh," she said as she switched legs and began applying lotion to her right leg. I tried as hard as I could not to stare at her bare leg, but I was unsuccessful. Extremely unsuccessful. "You just usually only use the keyboard to work on lesson plans…"

Her words confused me and made me wonder what she meant enough to release my gaze from her leg up to her face once again. She was looking down at me with an expression that I couldn't read. I wanted to ask her what she meant, but I stopped myself. I didn't want to give too much away.

She smiled a beautiful, tooth filled smile, cocking her head to one side, "Do you want to go play down stairs?"

Her question confused me more, but I didn't let my face show it. I only smiled and nodded further.

"Ok." Her foot fell in place next to her other as she stood up straight, exposing her still towel clad body in front of me. "Let me change first, and then we'll go down."

I watched her wearily, wondering if she was going to change in front of me. Inside, I was confused as if I would feel bad or not if she did. I was still conflicted, but in the end glad that she gathered some clothes and went in the bathroom.

After a few minutes of me playing around with sounds on the keyboard and trying to learn more about it, Bella emerged from the bathroom fully dressed with her dark hair pulled back on one side in waves. She wore a light blue strapless sun dress that came right above her knees, making her blue eyes stand out.

She smiled and took my hand, pulling me towards the door. I felt electricity run from her fingers into my hand. And as I neared her more, her cotton candy scent overtook me. It was intoxicating.

"You look pretty," I said, following behind her as she led me down the stairs. She turned her head, looking at me over her left shoulder under her dark eyelashes.

She smiled, giggling slightly. "Thanks."

She turned her head back towards the stairs just as I started to smile broadly. I'm glad she didn't see.

She led me through the dining room and through the living into two glass French doors that looked like they led to a sun room. She opened both of the doors at once letting in the light from the outside. It wasn't a sun room. But it was beautiful.

The room had large floor to ceiling windows on the opposite side of the wall from the entrance. Even though the light was so amazing, my eyes were immediately drawn to the large baby grand piano in the corner of the room.

Bella walked ahead of me as if she was used to seeing this magnificence everyday. She probably was. But I…no, I had never seen anything like it before.

My feet moved inch by inch as I followed her, silently thanking God that she wasn't watching my sheer awe expression.

_This just keeps getting better…_

Bella sat on the wooden bench in front of the piano, waiting on me. I hurriedly made my way and sat next to her.

I lifted the seal, revealing the black and white keys. Slowly, I brushed my fingers across them, basking in the feel of the smoothness.

"What do you want to play?" Bella asked, breaking me from my admiration.

"What do _you_ want _me_ to play?" I asked her with a smile.

She shook her head with a confused look on her face. "You always just play how you feel, Edward. So…" she started, laying her hand on my knee. "What are you feeling…right now?"

I was feeling a lot of things at the moment: confusion, bewilderment, satisfaction, dissatisfaction, support, hunger, resentment, stress and…love.

However, none of which I could share with her.

I sighed, looking at her as she kept questioning me. "Let me play something for you, Bella. Anything you want to hear. Just name it."

To my relief, she smiled and reached over my chest to grab a piano book that was laid in front of me. She flipped through the pages rapidly, like she knew exactly which page she wanted, like she had gone to it a million times before. She smiled proudly as she laid the page in front of me. "This one."

I eyed the page once, and a smile grew instantly across my face.

_No wonder you can't help but fall in love with her._

I placed my fingers on the keys, and the song came forth from my fingers like I had played it a million times before. And then the lyrics left my lips like I had been singing it all my life. But in reality (my reality) I had never before played it.

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time  
And hung me on a line_

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you_  
_Baby I'm a man maybe I'm a lonely man_  
_Who's in the middle of something_  
_That he doesn't really understand_

_Baby I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman_  
_Who could ever help me_  
_Baby won't you help me understand, oooohh_

_Baby I'm a man, maybe I'm a lonely man_  
_Who's in the middle of something_  
_That he doesn't really understand_

Her head rested on my shoulder as she began to softly sing with me, so softly I could barely hear her over my forceful playing.

_Baby I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman_  
_Who could ever help me_  
_Baby won't you help me understand, oohhh_

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time_  
_Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you_  
_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song_  
_Right me when I'm wrong_  
_Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you_

She sighed still with her head against my shoulder. I dropped my hands into my lap after finishing the song.

"I love that song," I told her as I rest my hand on her knee.

"I know you do." She lifted her head where she was looking into my eyes. "I do too." She spoke so closely to my face that her hot breath danced across my cheeks, causing my face to flush. My thoughts were only on the smell of her mint breath, her intoxicating scent, the feel of her warm body next to me and her presence that seemed to cause my skin to chill. I felt the butterflies again, never loosing sight of her eyes.

I took both of my hands and cupped her face, bringing her closer to me. And before I kissed her, I heard her whisper in one breath, "I love you."

My lips collapsed against hers forcefully as my fingers roamed the waves of her hair, stroking and massaging her face with my palms. I groaned against her lips as her nails dug into my bare back, reminding me of my shirtless appearance. My tongue licked her top lip then followed against her bottom, begging for permission.

She parted her lips just in time for our tongues to touch. Her nails continued in circles against my bare back. The scrapping and scratching was driving me wild. I had never experienced such a sensation before in my life.

"Oh my god. You can't imagine what that's doing to me, Bella," I whispered, never pulling away just allowing my breath to play against her face.

She smiled devilishly, "I know."

I stopped myself for a minute longer to look at her and take in her beauty especially when smiled at me, her red lips slightly parted and pouting from the intense kissing. Her hair was tossed over to one side of her head leaving only a few waves falling in her face.

"You are so beautiful," I said.

"How can you do that?" she asked, her smile fading and her eyebrows gathering in the middle of her forehead.

My smile faded too.

_Did I say something wrong?_

"How can I do what?"

In one swift, fluid motion, she moved herself in front of me, sitting in my lap with her legs placed on either side of my knees. Her dress slide up some so her thighs were completely exposed to me. She snaked her arms around my shoulders, and I let out a soft moan as she smoothed the hair behind my neck with her nails.

_Un-fucking-believablely hot. _

I tried to focus on her next words, and not that fact that she was grinding against me.

"How can you look at me like you haven't seen me everyday for the past four years?" she asked, cocking her head to the side, letting her smile come back slowly before she started kissing me again.

I had to keep reminding myself to breathe as we kissed. I don't think I had ever kissed someone with so much intensity and longing before. I felt like a fifteen-year-old having his first make out session with the incredibly hot head cheerleader who was so completely out of his league that he never considered even talking to her before. And I knew it was becoming increasingly more obvious to her or against her, I should say.

But she tasted _so _good. Like mint toothpaste and sweet strawberries, and her smell…oh, her smell. Sweet, sweet cotton candy.

I traveled my hands from her hips up her sides, brushing against the soft skin of her arms, shoulders and then up to her neck. My touch rested against her neck, using the pads of my thumbs to grip her jaw.

I moaned against her lips as her nails continued to dig into my bare back. My lips started to roam her neck and collarbones as I left small kisses across them. I continued to kiss her as I spoke, "The… _kiss _…scratching…_kiss_…is…_kiss_…driving…_kiss_…me…_kiss_…so crazy…_kiss_…"

She responded only by thrusting her nails harder against my back.

_F-uhck…_

Nothing could have broken me away from her. Nothing. Not a space meteor crashing in front of us, not a volcano erupting from beneath us, not even a little naked midget dancing circles around us. Nope. Nothing could tear away from her in that moment. Nothing except…

Except Emmett's singing…

"_Gonna find my baby; gonna hold her tight; gonna grab some afternoon delight…"_

I glared over my shoulder at Emmett while he sang with Jasper and a guy with short sandy blonde hair whom I was sure I did not know standing on either side of him. The stranger and Jasper were humming, harmonizing with Emmett's incessant singing.

I felt Bella bury her head into my chest, in horror and utter embarrassments the singing continued…

"_My motto's always been; when it's right, its right. Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night when everything's a little clearer in the light of day. And you know the night is always gonna be there any way." _They hummed for a moment longer before they sang together as one, _"Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight! A-fternoon delight."_

They stood in the doorway of the piano room with big, proud smiles on their faces. I narrowed my eyes at them without a smile while Bella still kept her head down; letting silent waves of laughter shake her.

"You're all fucking ass pirates," I said, rubbing Bella's back still holding her in my lap.

"Shut the fuck up and get your asses outside. The grill's heatin' up, and I'm fucking starving," Emmett said, turning on his heel and walking out.

The tall blonde guy walked forward, closer to Bella and me until he was close enough so he could just about reach out and touch my back which was facing him.

"Shit, Bella. Is this what you do to my back too?" Blondie said with a playful smile on his face.

_What the…?_

I glared at him and felt a rumble in my throat.

_Did I just growl?_

The douchey blonde laughed at my reaction like he was encouraging it. He really did look like a douche with his short, crop-top sandy blonde hair, preppy-ass loafers with tassels (yes, tassels), fitted khakis pants, button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and lastly, a pair of Coasta del Mar sunglasses hung around his neck on a blue pair of croakies.

_Preppy ass pirate._

"You're such a creepy perv, Blake," Bella said as she left my lap, fixing her dress with her fingers.

He laughed again, and then clasped his hand on my shoulder. I immediately glared at him.

"Eddie, you can go rub one out before we start cooking if you need to, man. No judgment," Blake said. With one more pat of my shoulder, he left the room too, following behind Emmett.

"What a douche," I thought out loud, watching him leave.

I heard Bella giggle beside me then lean down close to my face. She brushed her lips across mine slowly. Her hand went behind my head, rubbing my hair with her nails. I shook at the electricity of the action.

"I'm gonna take Brody out for a little while then I'll be back, ok?" she asked, letting her lips travel over my jaw to kiss the soft skin under my ear.

_What the hell? First there's frat-tastic Blake now there's 'Brody'? _

I opened my mouth to protest, but it was too late. She kissed me one last time quickly on the lips before she walked out the door of the piano room, leaving me stunned and thoroughly confused, irritated and angry as hell.

* * *

**A/N: First song: Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas**

**Second song: Maybe I'm Amazed by Paul McCartney**

**Third song: Afternoon Delight **

**A little vocab while I'm talking:**

**Croakies: elastic-like band that it used to hold sunglasses around your neck (very fratty)**

**Fratty: frat boy like (haha)**

**I'm sorry if there are errors. I don't have a beta yet (if you're interested let me know). It pisses me off when there's mistakes, and it really, really pisses me off when I notice them after I've posted the chap. Now review so I know I'm on the right track...**

**'Preciate you.**


	6. Pictures

**A/N: Happy Monday! I'm so sorry for the HUGE delay. Computer problems. UGH! Please forgive me. I'm bringing ya'll (yes, ya'll) an extra long chapter that I really enjoyed writing. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. But I do own Blake and Brody. (Link to a picture of Brody on my profile)**

* * *

Chapter Five: Pictures

_She's not even yours…technically._

I had to keep reminding myself of that fact. She was really this "dream" non-reality Edward's girlfriend, whom I happened to be acting his part out in this life. It had not actually been me that I had fallen in love with her years ago. And as I continued to search my brain for those lost memories, to find some sort of answers to the many questions to the uncertainties that filled me, I kept coming up empty. Whatever magical fantasy had sent me into this new life, this "glimpse", it was seriously messing with my logical, controlling self that desperately wanted to find some sort of reasonable explanation for these happenings. But even I could not understand it.

"Still confused?" Jasper asked, walking closer to me. I hadn't even realized he was still in the room.

I looked up at him, sighing and rubbing my hand over my face then into my hair swiftly before standing up off the piano bench.

"It's so frustrating, Jazz. I can't even describe what it feels like," I replied.

He gave me a confused stare, but he still never probed me for more information. My brother of few words still had yet to let me down. I didn't know if I would ever be able to express enough thanks to him fully.

I stifled all the questions I so desperately had left to ask him: wondering about my scar on my shoulder, my fraternity tattoo, preppy Blake, mystery-man Brody, why Bella was suddenly an English teacher in this life and not a nurse like when I met her. But more than all that, I wanted to know the little things about Bella that I didn't know yet. I wanted to know the things that her boyfriend of four years would know, and that I so desperately wanted to figure out.

I wanted to know what her favorite song was, what her parents were like (if I've met them before), when her birthday was, how and when it was that I fell in love with her and what it is about me that made her fall in love with me.

"I'm going to go change," I said, making my way out the door before stopping abruptly.

_Ok. Maybe just one question…_

"Hey, Jazz?" I whipped around quickly to be met with his questioning look again. Without waiting for a reply, I continued. "Who the hell is Blake?"

I expected him to be surprised; instead, _he_ surprised _me _by chuckling and saying the one thing that I was afraid of. "He's Rosalie's older brother…" he said as he walked closer to me, clasping my shoulder briefly… "And your best friend." He walked ahead of me out into the hall before turning to walk to the patio outside.

I felt it in my gut. Maybe it was what Blake had said about Bella jokingly or the fact that he seemed so comfortable with Bella and my brothers, but I just somehow knew it. I knew that Jasper was going to say he and I were friends. And in my heart of hearts, I could see why.

I needed more answers though, so I started my search. I started opening drawer after drawer in my bedroom, looking for clues about my past, anything to help make this new transition from one life to the next easier. Meeting Blake, my "best friend", made me realize how many more people I had met in this life that would not be familiar to me.

So I searched for a few minutes before looking in boxes in my closet. Finally, inside a box marked "ΛΕΏ," I found a lot of things that I thought could help piece things together.

There were pictures…lots and lots of pictures. I sat on the carpeted floor of my closet, flipping through the stacks. Most of them were of a bunch of guys and me which even most of them I didn't recognize. Blake was present in almost all of them though. But Emmett and Jasper were too. And most were made in front of a large, white house with long white columns with ΛΕΏ in large letters above front of the door.

_How much more 'Animal House' could I get?_

And just like I had expected, all of us looked trashed as hell. Shit-faced seemed to be my normal state of mind back then. And just like I had also suspected, I looked so young even if it wasn't that long ago. My hair was longer but still a bronze mess, and I always sported the fratty-look along side Blake's preppy ass. Some pictures were made of me in a suit and tie (and also bowties, _damn frat-tastic bowties_), and some I had on t-shirts with ΛΕΏ written in across the front.

Flashes of _Animal House_ kept coming to mind as I looked through the pictures of parties, mixers, swaps and formals that I had obviously attended. I had on a toga in one picture (_yes, a fucking toga_), in another I had on a redneck outfit, in one I was pilot, and the more pictures I came across the more I realized how much fun I must have had in my four years at UW. It was also apparent just how fucking shit-faced we all were what with our eyes half closed, our mouths wide open (some with tongues hanging out) and long-necks clutched in our hands and all.

About half of the pictures, Bella was present in. Jasper told me I met her my junior year and that seemed to add up with the amount of pictures. Bella had on different costumes along side of me which matched my own silly outfits. But we looked so incredibly happy that I couldn't help but laugh after every picture I came across.

Trolling down my "non-memory" lane, I came upon some revelations and answers to some questions I had. Yes, as much as I had hated to admit it, Jasper had been right about Blake. He was obviously my best friend and fraternity brother. Buried at the bottom of the box, there was even a framed picture of just Blake and me. I immediately shoved it back down in the box, thinking to myself how queerer could two best friends be.

I also realized that Emmett and Jasper were in the same fraternity as I was too. Emmett was the oldest out of the three of us, and I had figured he had joined first, leaving Jasper and I to be legacies to ΛΕΏ. Joining a fraternity had never even crossed my mind at Berkley, and I wondered why I had decided to join when going to UW. But it was abundantly clear that we were much closer because of it.

There were some pictures of Bella, Rosalie and Alice with Greek letters on their shirts too. Concluding that they were all in the same sorority, ΦМ, I found group pictures of my fraternity and Bella's sorority together. Again, we seemed to be exceptionally happy.

I laid out some of favorite pictures aside from the rest (most of which had Bella in them) so that I could keep them separate and look at them again any time I wanted to without having to sort through the same mass of pictures again. Then, I reached back into the box and pulled out a few DVDs that had fraternity and sorority names on the front. Thinking that I could watch videos of some of the good ole' college times from the pictures, I set the DVDs aside as well.

I picked up a shorter stack of pictures and started looking through it. Some were of the same groups of people on the beaches in California clad in bathing suits but still clutching our long-necks. I flipped one picture over that was just of Bella and me in our bathing suits and written on the back was "Spring Break 06." I smiled and set that picture aside too, thinking how hot she looked in her barely-there yellow bikini.

There were pictures in the same stack that were of my parents and grandparents. None of the pictures looked familiar, however. I guess that they were taken during those years as well. Most were during Christmases and Thanksgivings, and some were just random times which looked like our annual family vacations that we took every summer and winter break.

But I stopped flipping through the stack when I came to one particular picture. It was of my mom and Bella. Bella had both of her arms wrapped tightly around Esme's tiny waist, and Esme's smile was the brightest I had ever seen it. I don't know what about the picture that made my heart flutter, but it did. I leaned back against the wall of the closet for support as I dropped all of the other pictures except for that one, clutching it tightly never letting my eyes wander from Esme and Bella's.

_Esme loves her._

Those three words chanted over and over in my mind. I'm not sure what it was about it that I couldn't believe. Of course, Esme loved her. Why wouldn't she? But just something about seeing the two of the together, both of them smiling, both of them gazing at each other with such love and both of them looking so…comfortable, that shocked me. But it did. And I was.

I flipped through the rest of the pictures in that stack, paying particular attention to one with Esme, Bella and a woman around Esme's age who looked a lot like Bella except with brown eyes. I assumed it was her mother which got me thinking about how I didn't even know her mom or her dad's names let alone know what they looked like. That frustrated me, and I made a mental note to myself to get her to talk about them without giving her any indication about what was really going on.

I looked through the rest of the pictures, leaving out a few of my family and Bella. I kept out one picture of just Bella that looked slightly more jagged and aged than the others. I must have looked at it a lot or something because the edges were crinkled and worn down. It was beautiful picture. She was wearing an all white dress that skimmed the top of her knees and her long, brown waves were flowing in the wind. She wasn't laughing or smiling which was how she looked in almost every other picture that I had looked at, but instead she was looking straight ahead, lips pursed and her blue eyes were blazing. She looked so amazing.

Some of the rest of the stuff in the box was nothing but old college t-shirts, some beer mugs with Greek letters on it and even a wooden paddle. I laughed and stood up, putting the box back where I found it. My eyes caught the sight of another box beside it marked "Baseball." I took it down from the shelf and set it beside me on the floor.

Inside I found more pictures. But these were nothing like the pictures from the other box. No, these were pictures of me playing baseball…in college. Picture after picture was of me in a purple and gold uniform with "Huskies" written across the chest. Most were of me pitching, but some were of me hitting and playing right field.

I was stunned. I hadn't thought about baseball since high school. I had almost even forgotten that I had played it at all, but god, seeing the pictures reminded me how much I loved it and how much I missed it. I couldn't help but question myself as to why I would have all of sudden decided to play college ball.

Also inside the same box was a bunch of clothes with "Huskies Baseball" written on it, a glove, a pair of batting gloves with "Huskies" on it and lots of ribbons, awards and certificates for different things that I was awarded in college.

I was still in shock over this revelation. I didn't even remember thinking about playing college baseball when I was a senior in high school.

I put all of it back in the box then set the box back in its original spot on the shelf. I gathered the pictures and DVDs that I put aside and laid them on my desk in the bedroom. I took out the picture of just Bella, folded it and slid it into my wallet. I decided that I would always carry her picture around with me just in case I was ever pulled back in reality and into my real life living in California as a lawyer, then I would at least have her with me. I would at least have some symbolism that she had existed, and this was not just a wicked dream.

I picked up the picture of Esme and Bella, smiling while I gazed at it.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

I glanced at my phone, and my smile grew even broader.

"I was just thinking about you," I said, answering the call.

Esme's sweet laughter flooded my ears, and the playful sound worked to instantly sooth my nerves. "Don't you try to get on my good side, Edward. You haven't called me in two days," she replied, trying to keep her joking manner from sounding too serious. "Thank goodness that Bella texts me or I would think you're off in another world."

_You have no idea._

"I've been busy. I'm sorry." I stared at the picture a little while longer before setting it aside and sighing into the phone. "I miss you, Ma."

"I miss you too, honey. But you're father and I will be leaving here tomorrow afternoon, and we should be there before dinner tomorrow."

I wanted to ask her why she was coming, but I didn't feel like questioning her. I just wanted to see her; I really didn't care the reason.

"Good," I replied, sighing again.

Esme was quiet for a little while before she said anything else. But just as she always had, she knew when something was bothering me. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

She lowered her voice some. "You aren't worried about what we talked about last time you called, are you?" She didn't give me time ask what she was talking about. "Because I promise, Edward, you really shouldn't worry. And I will be bringing it with me tomorrow, but I'm not giving it to you until after the wedding, ok?"

"What?"

_Hm, ok?_

"I've got to go now, honey, but I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" she said.

"Esme…" I started.

"We'll talk tomorrow, Edward. I love you." Before I could say another word, she hung up.

_Wedding?_

I shook my head and rubbed my face, letting my hand travel into my disheveled hair and messing it up along the way even more.

_Whatever. I'm getting used to being confused. _

I continued to rub my hair with my hand as I set my phone back done of the desk with the other. The feel of my bronze locks curling around my fingers reminded me that I desperately needed a shower.

Sighing rather loudly to myself, I stripped myself of my flannel pants and boxers, then went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and turning on the iPod player. Once Imogen Heap started to play through the speakers, I stepped inside the scolding hot water of the shower.

_Where are we?  
What the hell is going on?_

_The dust has only just begun to form  
Crop circles in the carpet  
Sinking feeling_

Spin me round again  
And rub my eyes,  
This can't be happening  
When busy streets a mess with people  
Would stop to hold their heads heavy

I didn't grab any soap yet, or try to start scrubbing the dirt and residue from my skin. Instead, I just stood there. I stood right under the line of the steady stream of water, relishing in the feel of the warm water and the pounding that seemed to massage away all my fears and questions.

And instead of feeling confused and worried like I had been, I was left feeling full and complete with only the sense of happiness and a totally foreign feeling…I believe it was…rightness?

Technically, I was a twenty-five year old lawyer whose only concern was his career and trying to prove himself in a high-powered job because of his age and lack of real experience. I had only been working for the firm for a little over a year, and because of my age and just getting out of law school, I had to work my ass off to get to where I was which was an executive lawyer with his own assistant, office and even my own wing of the company with a whole team of legal assistants working for me.

However, in the time span of going to college at Berkley, going to law school and working at the law firm, I had successfully shut myself off from the rest of the world and not allowed myself to have any real relationships with anyone especially my family. The only friends I had made were other lawyers and workaholics like myself who were equally as distracted as I was.

_Hide and seek  
Trains and sewing machines  
All those years  
They were here first_

Oily marks appear on walls  
Where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,  
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life

But now here I am. I woke up two days ago living in Seattle in a house with my two brothers working as a high school music teacher along side my girlfriend of almost four years. And now, as I have learned looking through the pictures of a past that I didn't actually live, I was genuinely happy with the way this life had turned out.

Seeing myself in those pictures looking so incredibly happy, it really made me realize how much I had missed out in those college years and how different I was. I wasn't the same uptight, control freak with OCD tendencies. Instead, I was an actual fratty college student who had his college experience while playing baseball and studying my first real love…music.

Who was that guy in those pictures?

He is Bella's boyfriend; he is Blake's best friend; he is a music teacher. He doesn't consider himself a priority over his family. He cares more about them than his own needs. He didn't give up on baseball after high school. He allowed himself to get to know then fall in love with Bella. He lived life. He wasn't closed off.

But the guy in those pictures was me.

_Hide and seek  
Trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)  
Blood and tears (hearts)  
They were here first_

I wasn't sure why this had happened to me. I wasn't sure why I had woken up two days ago in this new life of nothing but what if's and could have happened's. Whatever it was though, I wasn't complaining because if I was truly honest with myself I couldn't deny that I cared about Bella, liked the idea of teaching music to high schoolers and living with my brothers who I've missed more than I realized.

And I wasn't sure if this life would last. Maybe it's temporary or maybe…just maybe I was meant to live this life, and it has always meant to be permanent.

Maybe…

_Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?  
Well of course you did  
Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmmm that it's all for the best?  
Of course it is  
Mmmm whatcha say?  
Mmmm that it's just what we need _

_You decided this  
Whatcha say?  
Mmmm what did she say?_

But I decided right then that no matter the reasons why I was switched, it had happened, and I obviously would not be able to change things. So, it must have happened for a reason. I made a promise with myself to figure out the reason and learn to love this life.

_Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth  
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs  
Speak no feeling no I don't believe you  
You don't care a bit,  
You don't care a bit_

(hide and seek)  
Speak no feeling no i don't believe you  
You don't care a bit,  
You don't care a (you don't care a) bit

And somehow I couldn't let the feeling shake me that this would definitely not be permanent. In the back of my mind, I knew this. And no matter how hard I wanted this to be real…it wasn't. This alternate universe is like a dream. It isn't real, and it's not meant to last forever. Nothing about this is real even though it feels so real. It's not.

I'm not really a teacher. I'm a lawyer. I don't live in Seattle. I live in LA. I didn't go to UW. I went to Berkley. I'm not in love with Bella. I am alone.

(hide and seek)  
Oh no, you don't care a bit  
Oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)  
Oh no, you don't care a bit  
You don't care a bit  
You don't care a bit

As the song ended, I began washing in the shower thinking about how hungry I actually was, and everyone would probably be down stairs waiting on me.

When I had finished, I stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry myself off. Wrapping it around my waist, I brushed my teeth with what I could only assume was my toothbrush.

I watched my reflection in the mirror, staring particularly at the scar on my shoulder when I heard giggling and hysterical laughter. It sounded like it was coming from a far off distance somewhere. Still brushing my teeth, I looked around me until I saw a small window above the whirlpool tub in the farthest corner of the bathroom. I stepped into it so I could see out.

Everyone that I cared about was outside sitting around eating, talking and drinking. Emmett was in front of the grill with a huge spatula in his hand; Rosalie was standing beside him, clutching a margarita glass; Alice and Jasper were sitting at a large round table, holding hands; Blake was holding a beer, sitting on the other side of Jazz; and lastly, Bella was sitting on a bench swing with her legs tucked under her dress with a big chocolate lab laying next to her on the swing with its head in her lap while she stroked it with one hand, holding a margarita glass in the other.

I rinsed then spit the toothpaste from my mouth, slipped on a pair of navy shorts, blue polo and loafers, and then descended down the stairs. Not being familiar enough with the house was really starting to get annoying. I had almost walked around the entire back half of the house until I found the exit to the backyard and patio. I opened the French glass doors and was immediately met by the lab. It panted and wagged its tail as I bent down to its level at my knees and rubbed its shiny, brown coat.

"Hey there, girl," I said in low voice, rubbing behind its ears. She responded by licking my exposed knee cap and leaning her head in the direction of my hand. "Such a sweet girl," I said as I rose from my knees and sat with Bella on the swing.

I laid my arm around her and gave her a quick squeeze and kissed her temple. She stared at me confused.

"Did you call Brody a girl?" she asked.

_Shit._

I kind of laughed nervously and shrugged, trying to act as aloof as any asshole could.

_Dammit_.

She gave me a sideways glare, darting her eyes from me to Brody. Her stare made me panicky, and I could feel my muscles tense as I waited for her to say something else. She didn't…which only made me more nervous.

_Fuck, what is she thinking?_

I took Bella's hand that had been lying on her knee into my own. I twirled her delicate fingers around and noticed how small and thin her fingers looked compared to mine. Mine were callused and worn which was something completely new that I had not realized. I chalked it up to being from the extra years of intense baseball and all the extra piano work. I smiled to myself. It was actual physical evidence of the past that I had not lived.

I watched attentively as Bella laced her fingers in with mine and squeezed lightly. In that moment, I felt something that I had never before felt in my life. A surge of electricity (or some shit) surged through her touch and into my hand. I drew a quick breath and raised my head to look in her eyes. She didn't smile. She didn't flinch. She just stared back into my eyes, totally not in the least bit phased by the electricity. I lifted her hand and kissed the back of it.

"Hamburger or hot dog?" Emmett asked me from his spot in front of the grill.

"Hamburger."

"All right. Come and get it."

I fixed my hamburger with everything that was laid out on the table in front of Jasper, Alice and Blake. When I was done, I sat back next to Bella on the swing. She shifted up enough to bring her legs that had been under her to stretch them out in my lap. Her feet were bare except for the neon yellow polish and a tiny toe ring on her second toe that had a cluster of hearts on it. I rubbed her smooth, exposed calves before setting my plate on top of them and taking a bite of my burger.

"Sorry about the cock-block," Blake said with a smirk on his face.

Bella let out a small giggle and looked at me sheepishly. I wiggled my eyebrows at her then turned and winked at Blake.

Blake chuckled before taking a sip of his beer. "It's not like it's nothing we haven't all seen before," Blake said. "Nobody will ever forget seeing Bella's legs in the air through the window of the Omega house two Halloweens ago."

"Oh please. That's complete bull shit. Everyone knows it was Rose!" Bella protested but turned a beautiful shade of red in the face.

"Oh what-thefuck-ever!" Rose screamed, holding her margarita glass in the air. "I'm not the one who had on black leather knee-high 'Edward-please-come-fuck-me' boots on with their blue cop uniform that you could see, very clearly, in the fucking air."

I chuckled to myself as Bella kept turning redder and redder as Blake kept laughing incessantly.

"I remember those boots. Edward had two tiny stiletto-heel marks on the sides of his back for at least a week," Jasper replied with a grin.

Bella placed her hand that wasn't holding her margarita glass over her face, shaking her head from side to side. Her shoulders started to shake with silent laughter.

"I hate everyone," Bella said, which came out as a muffled sentence with her hand still covering her face.

I couldn't help but laugh at Bella's embarrassment, but I also couldn't help my mind that tried to picture Bella in long, high boots and a cop uniform, especially if those boots were wrapped around my waist. I immediately wished that it had actually been me…

"I still think it was Rose. Not me." Bella said after she finally dropped her hand.

"Shut your lying-ass mouth" Rosalie said joking.

"Anyway…" Emmett finally spoke, taking a seat at the table. "Speaking of stripper boots, we need to talk about this weekend."

Rose, not so gently, swatted at Emmett's shoulder while sitting on his knee. "Shut up."

"I'm just playing around, baby," Emmett laughed. "But we still need to talk about it since we're all here."

"What's this weekend?" I asked, standing up briefly to reach out and throw away what was left of my burger and the paper plate.

"Uh…only the best part of getting married. The bachelor and bachelorette parties," Blake said. "Don't tell me you forgot."

I shook my head, noticing the funny look that Bella was giving me in the corner of my eye. "I didn't forget. It just slipped my mind."

"Well we thought with the wedding being next weekend that it would be the perfect time," Rosalie said.

_Shit. They're getting married next weekend?_

I nodded my head, making a conscious effort not to seem surprised. "Of course. So what are we doing?"

"Are we going to do that thing I suggested?" Alice asked.

"Oh, please, god no!" Blake exclaimed. "Not the whole 'let's all go out together' thing!? I'm pretty sure Emmett should go ahead and cut up his man card if that's what we're doing."

"Well we thought about it…" Emmett started.

"No! Are you fucking kidding me? That's so fucking gay…I-I-I…" Blake stammered. "I don't even have the right fucking words to describe how gay that is." He took a long gulp of his beer, then slammed the glass bottle on the patio table. "You're all so fucking pussy-whipped now that…that…damn, I don't even know you guys anymore."

"Chill, Blake," Emmett said. "I was going to say…we thought about it, but we decided not to do separate parties since we always go out together, and since Rose and I will be spending the rest of our lives going out together…"

"Thank you!" Blake said.

"So, we're leaving it up to all of you to decide what we do," Rose finished, looking between all of us. "We know that we couldn't actually pick a best man or a maid of honor between all of you, so we want all of you have a hand in planning it."

"Alright!" Alice said.

"Fuck yeah!" Blake said at the same time. "We are going to get so fucking wacked…"

"Jasper won't allow that," Alice replied. "It's not just you planning it, _Blake_." The tone in her voice was half irritated and half menacing.

"Alice, Jasper isn't that sweet and innocent when you're not around," Rose said.

"It should be about what Emmett and Rose want to do anyway," Bella said, diverting the attention.

"Emmett _wants_ to get wacked out of his mind!" Blake exclaimed.

"No he doesn't," Rose replied.

"Oh, dear, little sis…" Blake stepped out of his seat and walked over to Rosalie. He leaned close to her ear and whispered loudly enough for everyone to hear, "Yes he does."

"Esme and Carlisle are coming too!" Rose replied. "You have to act at least somewhat civilized."

"Crazy Carl?!" Blake laughed.

I chuckled to myself, wondering if Blake always called my dad that. I had never heard anyone call him that before even though _Billy Madison _was one of my favorite movies.

"Oh, don't you worry about ole' Crazy Carl."

I laughed again.

_I love his guy._

"Don't worry, Rose," Alice said as she stood up. "We will plan the best bachelorette party ever, and you won't even be worrying about what they're doing."

"I can't believe Esme's going to be there," Bella said quietly to me as Alice passed by us to go inside to make more margaritas. I smiled reassuringly at her and took her hands into my own. "I hate getting drunk in front of your mother. I always end up talking too much then I start to let stuff slip about you and me."

I rubbed my thumb along the outside of her hand. "What kind of stuff" I asked, raising my eyebrows some.

She giggled some.

_God, I love that sound._

"Bad stuff," she replied, shyly.

I raised my eyebrows further. "Oh really?"

"Yes, stuff you definitely don't want your mom to know."

I laughed, lifting her hand to my lips and kissing it gently. Blake bent down and picked up another long-neck from the cooler sitting next to me. He smiled down at the two of us and shook his head and mumbled before taking a gulp from his newly opened beer, "Esme Wammy and Crazy Carl gonna throw down."

The rest of the night was spent drinking, and all of them talking about old college times. I felt like a complete outsider even though every memory had me in it. I wished so badly that I would have actually been able to live out those memories.

I was silent when they talked about those things. I had no idea what to say. I wanted to be able to join in and talk about the same things, but I couldn't, and I would have looked like a complete asshole if I tried to. So I just kept quiet except for the uncontrollable laughter. Listening to all of them, I learned a great deal about each one of them, including myself and Bella. Emmett and Rosalie were getting married a week from Saturday, and apparently they have been engaged quite a while. Alice and Jasper's wedding was scheduled for December which also surprised me. I had the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had proposed to Bella, but I glanced quickly at her left hand and saw nothing. Even though I was relieved, I still felt somewhat sad that we had been dating as long as them, and I hadn't proposed to her yet.

I watched her the whole night. I watched as she wrinkled her nose, opened her mouth and laughed along with everyone else. Every now and then, she would catch me staring at her, but she would just smile at me and lean in to kiss me softly.

The stories that they would tell about Bella and I would involve the two of us being caught…um, in compromising…uh, sexual positions a lot of the time. Even though I had pretty much chalked it and assumed that Bella and I were having sex after being in a relationship for four years, actually hearing them talk about it and laugh about it made me realize that we were actually having sex a lot. I was suddenly starting to feel nervous and apprehensive about playing along in this situation. I felt immense guilt in some ways, knowing that in Bella's mind if we did decide to have sex she would be making love to the guy that she fell in love with, and I would just be playing the part. It would mean something totally different to her.

I tried to talk as much as I could to try to show them how comfortable I was. Some of the time it worked. But I fucked up once.

Bella had yet to eat anything so she asked me to fix her a burger while she went inside to use the bathroom quickly. I did as she asked and loaded up her hamburger with everything that I had put on my own.

I noticed Alice staring me as I did this. She watched my movements carefully, but she didn't say anything. The look on her face was hard to read, but while everyone kept talking, Alice never said anything. Her eyes were completely deadlocked on me.

When Bella came back, she took one bite then immediately spit it back out on to her plate. She coughed some then glared at me.

"What the hell, Edward!?" she screamed. I sat motionless with a confused look on my face. I still said nothing. "Ew. What the fuck?" she kept saying over and over.

"What?" I finally responded. Everyone was quiet. Alice didn't flinch. She kept an all-knowing expression on her face the whole time.

"What do you mean 'what'?" Bella exclaimed, taking a napkin and whipping her mouth. "You know how much I hate onions!"

"Oh, shit. I'm so sorry, Bella," I said. "I must have forgotten."

Bella fixed a new burger herself soon after that. But I didn't speak much at all the rest of the night.

It was almost midnight when everyone finally started to make their way inside. Even though it was the middle of the summer, it still got pretty cold at night. I was cleaning up and bringing stuff inside when Alice walked up to me when no one else was around.

"Don't tell her. It will kill her," Alice said.

I jumped slightly and stared at her with wide eyes. She had another expression on her face that I couldn't read. Her eyes were alive and a small smile was displayed across her lips.

"What are you-" I started.

"Just trust me." She laid her hand gently on my shoulder and kept smiling. "Don't tell her what's going on."

Then, she was gone.

_How does she…?_

I looked around for Bella. I searched the whole first floor of the house, dashing by everyone else that was still talking and was obviously feeling the affects of the alcohol.

"What are you doing?" Blake asked me.

I learned throughout the night that Blake and Rose were actually from Texas. They grew up there but just attended UW. He owned their father's business in Dallas, some computer software company. But Blake was staying in town for the wedding and spending the night at our house.

"I'm looking for Bella."

Blake chuckled drunkenly, "I think I saw her in the hot tub. She asked me to join her, but I politely declined. She is feisty though…"

I knew he was kidding, but that didn't prevent my blood from boiling slightly. I knew that's why he did it. He knew how pissed off it made me. But I was just going to have to get used to this smug motherfucker and his ways.

"Thanks, asshat," I replied. Instead of going back outside to the hot tub that I had seen on opposite side of the patio, I turned to go up stairs to change into some swimming trunks.

"Hey!" I heard Blake call from behind me. "Tell Bella not to worry. I'll be sure to leave my bedroom door unlocked for her tonight."

I scoffed to myself as I climbed the stairs but couldn't help the small smile that spread across my face.

When I got to my bedroom, I noticed for the first time the perfect order and placement of everything. Even Bella's things that she had stacked orderly in the corner didn't bug the shit out of me. I had always been slightly OCD, but I just liked things to be organized. All of my things had a place.

I immediately wondered if Bella was like me. Was she as controlling and organized like me? Or had she just been with me long enough to know how shit pissed me off?

I was pretty sure she wasn't like me, so I assumed that she just knew me all too well after four years. But that only scared me more. She was probably catching on to my weirdness and sudden acts of stupidity. She never said anything, though. And for that I was grateful.

After changing into some trunks (which took me a few minutes to find), I ran back down stairs, passing everyone who were still talking in the living room. As I ran, I heard Blake yell behind me, "Don't be surprised if she moans my name. It's out of habit. Just overlook it."

I laughed as I went back outside to the patio. Just as Blake said, Bella was sitting in the Jacuzzi, sipping her margarita. She smiled at me sweetly when she saw me.

Her long hair that normally came almost to her waist was piled high on top of her head in a messy bun. She still had several wavy hairs that framed her face.

"Hey you," she said low and rough, all the while still smiling seductively. I was glad that she wasn't still mad about the onion thing. I found out how deep her hatred for onions was. She literally couldn't stand the smell of them, the texture but especially the taste. In fact, it was the only food she didn't like. I made a mental note of all this to be sure not to ever give her onions again.

I walked closer to her until I was standing just outside of the Jacuzzi in front of her. "Hey," I said, noticing her wearing the same yellow bikini she had on in the picture of the two of us on spring break.

_God, she is beautiful._

Her skin had a slight brown tan to it. I assumed it was because of the summer time, and that she probably tanned easily even though it was still summer, we were still living in Seattle. Her teeth were white, shining as they glowed in the darkness of the night. A small torch was lit in the backyard which gave off an orangey glow across her face. She reached out her wet hand from the water and motioned with her index finger for me to get in with her.

_You don't have to ask me twice._

I got inside, letting my skin adjust to the hot water which was pretty much scolding compared to the cool night air.

Bella took the last sip of her drink then placed the empty glass off to the side. I sat back against one of the seats off to the side as I watched her.

She smiled and swam over to me, immediately wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. I sucked in a breath as she pressed her body, every inch of it, against mine.

I don't know why it surprised me, but it did. She seemed so comfortable that it must have felt completely natural for her to do that. I wasn't complaining though as I placed my hands on either side of her exposed hips.

She smiled at me still, her face just an inch away from mine. I stared relentlessly at her lips. "Are you still coming with me to the school tomorrow?" she asked in a low, soft tone.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I swallowed, bobbing my Adam's apple in front of her face. Nervousness plagued me, as I continued my gaze on her lips.

"We'll be back in plenty of time to fix dinner for Esme and Carlisle," she said, wiggling her hips slightly against mine. I jerked back some, surprised by the contact and also afraid somewhat. She made me so fucking nervous.

I nodded again, still afraid that my voice would squeak or do something as equally as stupid.

"You seem tense," she said, running her fingernails up and down my bare back.

A small, very soft moan escaped my lips, so soft that I wasn't even sure if she heard it. Her nails never stopped moving against me.

"I love it when you do that," I said in one quick breath.

She smiled, playfully, cocking her head to the side. "Do what?"

"You know what you're doing, Bella," I said in low tone.

She leaned in more, bringing herself even closer to me than before, effectively closing off any space that was left between us. I never stopped looking at her lips though.

I could smell her so clearly. Her hair smelt of peaches; her skin smelled like cotton candy, of course; and her breath that played across my face smelled of a mixture of tequila, raspberries which I assumed was her lip gloss and another scent…something that I could only describe as simply Bella.

I wanted to kiss her so bad. I realized that there hadn't really been a kiss between us that she hadn't initiated first. I felt so damn guilty for playing up the fact that she felt so comfortable around me, but she was so fucking amazing that I couldn't help it.

She waited and waited and waited some more for me to kiss her. I could barely see the blue of her eyes peaking through her dark lashes as she stared down at my lips.

"You know I care about you a lot," I said, breaking the silence. And as soon as those words left my mouth, I felt like a complete jackass. Of course, she didn't want to hear how much I _cared_ about her. She wanted me to tell her I _loved_ her.

She smiled, darting her eyes upward to look at me. "I know you do."

"And you know that you're driving me crazy in this little fucking yellow bikini," I replied.

She giggled, wiggling her hips again. "I know. It's always been your favorite."

I nodded, smiling to myself.

"Baby? Is something wrong?" she asked, sweetly.

"No, love." I smiled reassuringly to her, deciding to call her "love" if I couldn't say the real thing. "Everything is the opposite of wrong. Everything is perfect. Everything is finally just as it should be."

And it was.

She only smiled for a split second before I leaned in and captured her lips with my own. It was the single most perfect kiss of my life.

_Fuck guilt. _

* * *

**A/N: Hmm...are they or aren't they?? **

**I hope no one is still confused about what's going on. I feel terrible that some of you are. It might help to watch "The Family Man" movie. I'm trying my best to explain what's going on, but it's still hard. The plot of this story was _kinda_ taken from the movie, but not the whole thing obviously. I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am though. It's really important to understand what's going on so that you can get the full effect of what Edward is going through.**

**Question: Would any of you be interested about hearing from Bella's point of view? What about Alice? Let me know!**

**Please review. I love them! Good or bad! **

**'Preciate you.**


	7. Need

A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter. I know...I know. You waited a long time for it. I'm really sorry. I hate when authors take forever and a day to update, and here I am doing it to you. Nevertheless, enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Six: Need

_Fuck guilt._

Bella's fingernails kept up their meticulous pace across my back. Up and down…only stopping for a moment to dig their way deeper into my skin.

I groaned; I moaned; I whimpered; I sighed. I did everything imaginable as she continued to break down every wall that I had ever built.

Her lips felt like silk against mine. And I was right about her lip gloss.

_Raspberries._

She tasted like heaven, and she smelled like complete bliss. I moved my hands from her hips, wrapping them around her back like I was giving her a bear hug. But really, I just wanted to feel every inch of her bikini-clad body against my bare chest. She moaned slightly when she felt me pull her closer.

She moved her head back only a little, but enough to force our lips apart. I saw above my eyelashes her breathtaking smile. Her breath spilled across my face as she laid her forehead against mine.

She seemed out of breath as she spoke. "You're squeezing," _breath_, "me so," _breath_, "tightly."

I laughed quietly and loosened my grip on her some but not much. "I'm sorry, love."

She giggled, grinding her hips against mine and slipping her arms around my neck. "No!" she exclaimed, pulling me closer. "I like it," she smiled.

"Oh," I breathed, smiling at her. "How about _this_," I asked as I reached down through the hot water of the hot tub and gripped her ass, thrusting it against me. She squealed/giggled. Whatever it was, it was adorable.

"Yes," she giggled again. "I like that too."

I leaned in again, bringing her lips to mine. I pressed her even firmer to me this time, laying my body against hers like a blanket. I kept my eyes open, though. I don't really know why…

It's quite possible that I just wanted to make sure it was all real. That I really was without an ounce of doubt wrapped in the arms of Bella in a hot tub with her kissing me forcefully. Her eyelids were clenched down tightly, but her face was mostly relaxed. I felt her fingers start to play with the ends of my hair in the back of my neck, coating them with the warm water from her hands. Her tongue slipped out of my mouth briefly enough to just trace a line around my lips before she sucked on my bottom lip with her teeth. I watched as she slowly pulled away until my lip fell from her teeth with a small "pop" noise following it. Her eyes flew open, and she smiled when she realized I had been watching her.

She placed a soft, simple kiss on my lips once again before she spoke. "Will you sing to me?" she asked as her fingers kept their steady dance at my hair.

I had already sang to her once today, and really that was a lot more than I had sang in quite a long time. I guess she was used to it, and apparently music was a large part of their relationship.

_Shit. I mean __**our**__ relationship. _

"What do you want me to sing?" I asked, rubbing small circles in her lower back.

"Anything."

"Anything?"

"Absolutely anything, Edward." She unraveled herself from around my waist and sat next to me on the bench in the side of the hot tub. My mouth fell open to disapproval, but she swung her legs over and laid them in my lap before I could protest. Grabbing a hold of her calves, I scooted her as close to me as I could without her actually being in my lab. She giggled and squirmed some, but she ultimately allowed it then interlocked our fingers under the water.

"Hmm…let me think of something good…" I said. She laid her head against my shoulder and let out a long sigh.

_She likes "Carry On" by Kansas…and Paul McCartney…hmm…70's music? Really?_

I tried not to think too long about my choice in song, but my mind was completely blank. I had no idea what kind of music she liked, and I most certainly was unaware of the music she liked for me to sing to her. For the first time, I got extremely nervous and uneasy, and even felt the need to get out of the hot tub. But I knew it would hurt her, and I had yet to see hurt written across her face. I really didn't want to see that now.

I laughed nervously and tried not to let my body tense. Unsuccessfully…

"Bella…um…maybe we should just go to bed," I said, glancing down at her face. Her eyes were closed, and I had almost thought she was asleep…

"We will," she said, not opening her eyes or moving. "Sing to me first then we will."

_K…_

I didn't want to deny her so I said the first thing that came into my head then out of my mouth…

"_She never mentions the word addiction_…" I kept watching her as I paused for her reaction before continuing. Her lips parted then a wide, beautiful smile played upon her face. I took that as a good sign and finished the line of the song, "_In certain company_." Her blue eyes fluttered open, and she watched me carefully as I continued.

_Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan_

_After you meet her family_

Her head lulled backwards onto the side of the hot tub as she watched me from underneath her eyebrows. The expression on her face was the one that I had trouble reading, but I continued to sing to her.

_She paints her eyes as black as night now_

_Pulls those shades down tight_

_Yeah she gives a smile when the pain comes_

_The pain gonna make everything all right_

I continued to watch her as I sang. And she continued to watch me carefully with the same blank expression on her face. I was at a loss of what to do. If maybe I should stop singing this song? If maybe she didn't like this song? If maybe she was expecting something else?

I paused in between the verse and the chorus for several moments, just staring at her waiting…waiting on any sort of sign of life behind her eyes.

She gave me nothing. So I kept singing.

_Says she talks to angels_

_Says they all know her name_

_Oh yeah, she talks to angels_

_Says they call her out by her name_

_She keeps a lock of hair in her pockets_

_She wears a cross around her neck_

_The hair is from a little boy_

_And the cross from someone she has not met_

I stood up from the side of the tub, letting her legs fall like silk from on top of me. I stood in front of her close enough that I could still feel the gentle sweep of her panting breath fall across my face. I leaned in and kissed her gently, "_Oh, not yet_."

_Says she talks to angels_

_Says they all know her name_

_Oh yeah, she talks to angels_

_Says they call her out by her name_

When I kept singing, I didn't touch her. We weren't holding hands or bumping knees or caressing legs, we were perfectly still and without contact except our eyes. Our eyes were completely locked, never leaving and never wavering. But very slowly, achingly slow, Bella raised her right hand before I could keep singing on to the next part. She rested her hand on my chest. Her touch was so light that it felt like she wasn't touching me at all.

I kept my eyes locked on hers. She wasn't smiling, at least not with her mouth. But her eyes…oh, her eyes…they were grinning widely at me and telling me in that moment how much she loved me. Even the thought made my heart beat faster.

It was then that her eyes left mine for the first time all night, and she was staring at her hand. Involuntarily, I looked there too.

Her hand was resting on top of my heart.

It was the single most intimate moment of my life.

And I kept singing.

_She don't know no lover_

_None that I've ever seen_

_And to her that ain't nothing_

_But to me, it means…means everything_

* * *

The following morning was…eventful. Yes, very eventful. I was awoken by an early alarm. The morning light was still dim through the windows as I reached over and silenced the offending sound. When I realized how early in the morning it was, I sat up immediately, wide awake and completely scared shitless that I had awoken from this dream. Being up this early only meant one thing...going to work in LA.

My hand instinctively scooted to the other side of the bed where Bella had fallen asleep last night in my arms.

She was gone.

Slowly, my eyes adjusted from their sleep haze and focused on the bedroom.

_Still in Seattle. _

I let out a long sigh and allowed my heart to subside from its erratic beating as I rose from the bed and pulled on some flannel pajama pants. I scanned the room, looking for signs of where Bella had gone. Jogging? Shower? I was getting used to seeing her the second I woke up even if she was never still in the bed with me when I woke up in the mornings. Never. This slightly frustrated me, but I never mentioned it to her. Maybe she was used to doing this.

As I traveled around the upstairs of the house, making a circle along the railing of the stairs before descending them, I listened closely for anyone…Blake? Emmett? Jasper?

_Bella?_

I didn't hear anything.

So I walked downstairs and into the kitchen. There she was. Bella was standing in front of the island counter, leaning on it with her elbows, back arched and butt jutting out. She had on a t-shirt about two sizes too big for her with a tiny sliver of white pajama shorts sticking out from the bottom of the shirt. The shorts were so short that my eyes followed it seems like for hours until they reached her large, chocolate brown Ugg boots that started at her mid calve. Her hair was a wavy, sexy mess. She was a vision.

Her eyes were focused closely on the newspaper she was reading while she ate a bowl of cereal that she never heard me walk in.

I stepped closer to her, coming into her line of sight. Still, she never looked up at me or acknowledged me at all. I walked even closer. Still nothing. I shrugged and looked down at her bowl of cereal.

_Lucky Charms? Really?_

I laughed silently to myself and watched her closely as she released the spoon into the bowl for a minute after taking a large bite, and still reading her newspaper.

I took the spoon and lifted some cereal on it, watching her as I brought it to my mouth slowly. Her head didn't move, but she watched me from the corner of her eye.

"What are you doing?" she asked in a clipped tone.

"I just want a bite." I smiled to her, still bringing the spoon closer to my mouth.

"Um, no you're not," she said, seemingly getting angry. It was cute.

"It's just one bite."

"I don't give a fuck." She was so cute when she cussed. It was like hearing a kitten hiss, and all you wanted to me was cock your head to the side say "awww".

She remained perfectly still as she watched me intently bring the spoon right in front of my lips.

"Babe…" she warned. I smiled wider and opened my mouth slowly, preparing myself for the spoon. "Don't you-"

And I took a bite quickly then dropped the spoon back into the bowl.

"Edward!" she yelled. She sounded angry, but it was so damn cute that I kept the huge smile on my face while her face continued to fume with rage. "That bite had like four marshmallows on it!"

I lifted my shoulders up then back down, still chewing. Lucky charms are pretty fuckawesome. I hadn't had them since I was a kid.

"Get your own fucking Frosted Flakes or some shit and stay away from my Lucky Charms!"

"But I want Lucky Charms."

"I don't give a fuck! These are mine!"

I picked the spoon back up quickly, taking another bite and making sure I got as many marshmallows as possible.

"Don't eat the rainbows!" she whined. "I swear to…" and I took the bite, watching as she stood up straight, flexing her jaw and opening and closing her fists that were lying on top of the counter.

She slowly stalked her way closer to me. Her face was fuming. I kept smiling.

I swiped the cereal bowl from the counter, balancing the bottom of it with one hand and holding to spoon with the other. Then, I took off running with Bella hot on my heels.

"Give me back my Lucky Charms!" she yelled from behind me.

"Never!"

"Edward Cullen!"

"Bella Swan!"

"I am not kidding!"

"Mmm…so good," I said, taking a large bite while still running from her. We were making rounds around the living room, into the dining room, around the dining table, into the foyer.

I felt her reach out and grab my waist with her tiny hands on either side of my hips. I slowed down, not wanting to spill milk on the obviously expensive hard wood floors of the foyer.

I thought she just wanted to stop me, but I slowly felt her hands inch across my upper body then started to wiggle.

I was laughing…no, giggling…incessantly. Her soft hands, but hard nails were digging into my naked stomach, my waist and under my arms. I never knew how ticklish I was until that moment.

"Stop! St-st-stop! B-B-B-Bella!" I kept giggling, relentlessly. My breaths were becoming heavy, and I couldn't fight her off with the cereal bowl in my hand.

With her knees slightly bent, and her hair flowing freely at her side, she kept both of her hands in there place of tickling me on my stomach. Her face was in deep concentration with her eyebrows in a deep V, but her smile was bright and growing.

"I-I-I.." my legs were starting to give out, and I was gasping for breaths.

"Give it up, Cullen!"

I shook my head violently from side to side as she backed me up against the wall next to the stairs. She was killing me with every passing moment, and it really wasn't helping that she knew exactly how and where to tickle me.

"OK!" I screamed.

"OK, what?"

"You…you…you win!"

Then that was it.

She stopped.

I waited for a second with my eyes closed to see if she was really done or not.

Nothing happened.

Slowly, I opened my eyes to see her standing in front of my face, eating the cereal and smiling at me. I looked down at my hands never realizing that she had taken it from me.

Her eyes were sparkling as she stared up at me from under her long, black lashes. She batted them at me, chewing the food and smiling with just her lips.

"You think you are so cute," I said, smiling at her too.

She shrugged with one shoulder and nodded quickly. Turning on her heel, she walked away from me and into the kitchen.

I watched her swaying her hips as the space between us grew and grew. She knew I was watching her ass walk away from me in those tiny, itty-bitty white shorts.

_Sorry-ass excuse for a pair of shorts._

"Take a picture," she called over her shoulder.

And then I blushed. Fucking blushed.

I can't even remember the last time I blushed. Well, that's not true. I do remember. Last night I blushed. After singing the rest of the song to Bella, she and I kissed and made out until we were almost falling asleep in each others arms in the hot tub.

Exhausted and pruning, she and I climbed out of the hot tub. I had forgotten to get a towel (not that I would have even known where to find one) so Bella wrapped both of us in hers as we made our way inside. Her slick, still warm body was pressed against mine with her arms securely intertwined around my waist as I held the towel around my stomach and her shoulders.

As we walked, she peppered kisses around my chest and stomach making my skin pimple and shiver. I buried my head into her neck, feeling her few wet hairs that weren't tied up tickle my nose and chin.

"How was the hot tub?" Rose asked from the living room as we traveled around the house to the stairs.

"Amazing," Bella mumbled against my chest. I kissed the side of her neck then smiled against her skin before looking back at Rose.

"I'm so glad that someone in this house is getting some…" Rose replied, looking at her hands and glancing sideways at Blake who was the only other person in the living room with her.

My eyebrows clenched, and Bella's head rose from my chest to look at Rosalie directly. We stopped walking and stood off the side on the tile floor so not to get the carpet wet.

"Rose?" Bella questioned.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that…" her voice faded from the sound of hurt. "I guess I'm still a little drunk and being a little too honest."

"You don't have much longer," Bella said. I felt her fingernails scratch against my lower back from underneath the towel. "Why don't you come on up to bed?"

"No I think I'm going to go stay at my place. Em's got to be at the hospital early in the morning, and I need to keep packing my stuff."

"Are you sure? Do you want me to stay with you?" Bella asked.

"What? No! I'm okay," Rose waved while Blake patted her back. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I don't mind. I can go change clothes and come with you."

My heart sank some, but I tried not to let it show.

"Bella, shut up. You and Edward are going to the school tomorrow and everything. I'm just being self-deprecating."

"Rose…" Bella started.

"Bella…" Rosalie looked at her hands in her lap then back up to meet Bella's eyes. "Don't."

I felt Bella nod against my side slowly as I kept my gaze focused on Rosalie. She looked completely sad and broken and totally unlike how she looked for most of the night. Suddenly, Bella's warm, bikini clad body had left my side and was wrapped up tightly in Rosalie's arms. They hugged tightly for several moments while Blake and I looked at each other then shrugged in sync.

After they released each other, kissing each other briefly and saying how much they loved one another, Bella made her way back over to me while I still stood partly in the living room with a damp towel wrapped around me.

I watched Blake eye Bella as she walked, and after his eyes traveled up and met my own, his lips turned up into a wide smile, and he wiggled his eyebrows.

I immediately draped the towel around both of us again, wrapping Bella back up in my arms. Blake threw back his head and laughed loudly as Bella and I walked up stairs. His laughs still carried the higher we climbed.

"Asshole…" I murmured under my breath.

"What?" Bella asked, looking up at me.

I shook my head, but a smile pulled at the corners of my mouth without merit.

I never asked Bella about what was wrong with Rosalie. I figured that if it was important enough, she would tell me. If not, then I probably wasn't meant to know about it. I had complete faith and trust in Bella especially after the way she comforted her friend and offered (begged, even) to help Rosalie.

I threw off the towel from around us as we entered my bedroom. I turned my back to Bella as I rummaged around in my closet to find my clothes hamper. Once, I discovered it, I threw the towel in it and went in search for a clean pair of boxers and something to sleep in. I found the boxers, but not as much luck with the pajamas.

After throwing my wet swimming trunks in the hamper with the towel and slipping on my boxers, I emerged from my closet to find something to sleep in which I was hoping would be in the dresser next to the couch.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Bella standing directly in front of said dresser. Still in her little…I'm talkin' _tiny_…yellow bikini, she reached down and picked up something.

_God, I don't even care what it is…_

All I cared about was how magnificent she looked with all the lights on in my bedroom where I could see every curve, every inch of skin that that bikini would allow. She stood back up in front of me, eyeing me suspiciously as I inched closer and closer to her. With her free hand, she lifted her arm up and behind her neck with her elbow pointing up towards the ceiling. I stopped about a foot away from her as she reached for the strings on her bikini at her neck.

_No. She's. Not._

Slowly, her little skinny but still toned arms flexed and twisted in sinewy motions behind her head. My eyes grew wider. My breath hitched. My mouth ran dry. My skin was on fire. My cock twitched.

Her blue eyes were blazing as she kept her eyes locked on mine. Finally, her arm fell and along with it…so did her bikini top. Bella, in all her full-frontal glory, stood an arms length away from me and my twitching hands…and cock. I fisted my hands by my side so I wouldn't be tempted to grope her until her boobs eventually fell off. My stomach was in knots and sweat was pouring from my brow even though I was remarkably cold from still being slightly damp and in nothing but a thin pair of knit boxers.

My eyes never left her chest. I wanted to feel bad for blatantly staring…really, I did. But I couldn't stop. I felt like I was thirteen all over again and this was my first time to ever see a set before. And even though, I knew I already cared for Bella much more than I should especially so soon, I wondered why she affected me this way.

Suddenly feeling weird for not saying anything (plus, a little embarrassed for having to suck the drool that escaped my lips on to my chin), I looked up into her eyes. "Bella, I-" but then I stopped.

She was not staring back at me. In fact, her eyes were downcast…and, if…I followed…them with…my own…eyes…she would…be staring…at my…

_Oh, God. Boy scouts, we've located our tent._

I whipped around, not giving a fuck about pajamas anymore and got under the covers in bed. That's when it happened.

I blushed.

I blushed all down my neck and ears and chest and face. I blushed so much that I started to sweat.

Hiding under the covers, I breathed heavily, willing myself to calm down before I busted a load in my boxers from just seeing her bare-chested.

_How could I explain that?_

From inside my hole that I just buried myself in to die, I heard her move around some, snickering to herself all the while. I watched through the thin sheet as the room got dark, then I felt the other side of the bed dip.

I waited until I felt her get settled next to me before I turned slowly and wrapped my arms around her, spooning her. Luckily, she had put on a t-shirt. I heard her let out a deep sigh then I felt her lace her fingers through mine that rested on her stomach.

"Good night, Edward," she whispered softly into the darkness.

"Good night, love."

I thought that would be the last thing said between us before we both fell asleep. If I was honest with myself, I was waiting for her to say she loved me one last time. I'm not sure why I wanted to hear her say it.

But I did…

And she never said it.

I was brought back to the present when I heard laughter coming from the kitchen. It wasn't Bella's laughter. It was…

_Ugh, Blake._

Bella was sitting on the counter still eating her cereal across from Blake sitting on the opposite side of the kitchen. They were both laughing, and each gave me a quick glance my way before going back to their conversation.

"I will definitely never forget that. Not one of my finest moments…that's for sure," Bella said, studying the bottom of her cereal bowl.

"My truck smelled like vomit for _weeks_ after that," Blake replied.

"Ugh…" Bella groaned, shutting her eyes and shaking her head. "I am still mortified…"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, making my own bowl of cereal. I was hoping Blake and Bella weren't paying attention to me as I opened several drawers and cabinets looking for the bowls and spoons.

"Oh nothing," Blake responded. "Just the incident after Phi Mu's toga party of 07."

After opening up the pantry and making sure to take out the Frosted Flakes and _not_ the Lucky Charms, I turned back to them. "What incident?"

"Are you kidding me?!" Blake exclaimed. "You really don't remember Bella throwing up everywhere…and by 'everywhere', I really mean _everywhere_."

I didn't reply. I was afraid to lie to them and say I remembered because more than likely that would just dig my grave that much deeper, but I also didn't want to come right out and say that I had no idea what they were talking about. So, I decided to act aloof and not respond at all…just kept eating my cereal, leaning against the countertop next to Bella.

Blake watched me carefully. His eyes were locked on my face. I was praying that my expression wasn't giving anything away. Finally, he sighed, rolled his eyes and straightened up to get ready to tell the tale.

I listened to them rehash a bunch of college memories. Between the two of them, I learned a lot about myself even if I didn't really do any of the things they talked about. I tried not to act surprised by their stories, and I would occasionally throw in an 'oh, yeah, that was so funny' or a 'yeah, that was fun,' and I hoped that it didn't sound as forced as it felt.

They laughed. Boy, did they laugh. I would watch as Bella would scrunch her nose, and when she would laugh really hard, her shoulders would shake and her mouth would open but no sound would come. I found it endearing and beautiful. I tried _not_ to stare.

Then, there was Blake.

_Blake, Blake, Blake_.

I still wasn't sure about him. Well, if I was being honest with myself, I would say that I didn't like him. _At. All_. But I knew that for whatever reason (a reason that I had yet to figure out) he was my best friend. He seemed to know a lot about Bella, but even more about me. The three of us seemed to have been fairly close and as much as I hated to admit it, I was beginning to see why.

After awhile, Bella excused herself to go and take a shower before we left to go to the high school. I was still not certain why we were going, but I never asked why. I figured that I would find out soon enough. Basically, my plan was to follow her lead (something that I was becoming good at).

Blake and I were left in the kitchen alone, standing across the room from each other. He seemed torn about something. His expression was not one of his usual smugness, but instead, he seemed be questioning something in his mind. I hoped he hadn't figured out too much…

_Nah._

I washed out my cereal bowl and spoon. He still never moved. I could feel his eyes glaring on the back of my head, but he said nothing. So I said nothing.

I started my way out of the kitchen when I heard him speak.

"Hey," he said, stopping me from leaving.

I spun around as casually as I could; keeping my expression it's usual aloofness. His expression still seemed sad and torn and definitely unlike him. He let out a long, deep breath.

"Yeah?" I asked.

He stood up straight, casting his eyes down and shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other. He reached up and scratched the back of his neck, sighing again.

"Uh, look, man…"he started, regaining eye contact with me. "Emmett wanted me to be the one to tell you…" his voice trailed off. Groaning softly after a long pause, he began again. "I told him it was a bad idea, but he _is_ one of Em's best friends…"

I wasn't sure anymore if he was talking more to me or himself. I didn't want to interrupt him, so I stayed quiet.

"Jake's coming here this weekend for Emmett's bachelor party," he finished.

_Jake?_

_Jake?_

_Jake?_

_Nope. Dunno him._

Blake eyed me closely, waiting for my reaction. His eyebrows were pinched together, and he seemed to be wincing. I almost wanted to give him some outlandish reaction so he would be pleased, but I decided against it and stayed aloof.

After watching my non-reaction, he started again. "I tried to talk him out of it. I told him it was a stupid idea, and that he shouldn't even still be friends with the stupid fucker in the first place, but he wouldn't listen. Then, he didn't even have the nerve to come tell you himself. He had to ask _me_ to do it!"

I still didn't speak. I was afraid to either say the wrong thing or ask a million questions that were running through my mind. So, I just kept quiet.

"Man, fuck Jacob fucking Black! Stupid fucker and his two-inch dick…" Blake muttered.

I snorted.

"I'll just ignore him," I shrugged.

_Yep. Still aloof. _

"Shit yeah, you will. And if he makes any kind of wise-ass remark, I'll beat the shit out of him."

I snorted again.

"Uh…listen…" he said, coming closer to me and lowering his voice. His tone changed, and he was suddenly serious again. "Maybe…maybe you should give Bella a heads up. I don't think she knows yet."

That statement peaked my interest some, but still not enough for me to push explanations and answers from him.

I simply nodded my head and tried piecing together everything that Blake had tried to tell me all the while, Blake was still watching me cautiously for my reaction. To appease him some, I gave him one.

"Man…" I said with as much conviction as I could. "Fuck Jacob Black."

Blake smiled broadly, his eyes lighting up like a fucking Christmas tree. After clasping his hand on my shoulder blade and walking out of the kitchen into the living room, I heard him murmuring to himself a lot more curses and something about Bella and 'Jacob fucking Black'.

* * *

A/N: Hmm...Jacob Black, eh? I assure you, it's not what you think. ;)

Review please. And if you tell me you're confused...good.

'Preciate you.


	8. Routine

**A/N: Wow, only a week later and already an update! And it's really, really long! I'm so proud of myself. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. It was supposed to include the bachelor party too, but I got really wordy so I will be saving that for next chapter! It'll be good though, promise! Another A/N at the end!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 7: Routine

_I hate my hair._

I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror with gel (or mousse, I'm not certain of the difference between the two) in my hands trying to tame this wiry disarray of bronze locks on top of my head. I pulled at a strand of it, desperately willing it to stay down. But as soon as it slipped from my fingers, it popped right back up.

"FUCK!" I yelled in frustration, giving up entirely.

Bella bounded through the doors of the bathroom, looking stunned. "What?!"

I threw my hands by my side and turned to face her, pouting. "I hate my hair. Please, help."

She smiled, chuckling softly and stepping closer to me. In one big swoop, she landed on top of the bathroom counter, sitting on her butt with her legs swinging in front of me. Parting her thighs, she tugged on my shirt, bringing me to stand in between her legs until my hips were pressed against hers. I laid my hands on her soft, smooth thighs where her shorts had ridden up slightly. All she had on were those same short white, cotton pajama shorts and an old college t-shirt from her sorority. Her hair was still damp from the shower she had just taken, and there was not a stitch of makeup on her face. She looked beautiful.

"Come here, you big baby," she said after squirting some of the gel in her hand. She was eye-level with me which never happened since she was at least a foot shorter than me, but I never let me eyes wander from hers while she meticulously massaged my scalp and placed each strand of my hair in some sort of organized mess.

Her brows were knitted in concentration, and a little sliver of her red tongue was peeking out between her pink lips as she continued to work the ends of my hair from my head.

I rubbed my thumbs against her thighs in little circles. "You are so fucking cute, you know that?" I asked, smiling.

Her eyes darted to mine briefly as she smiled then they traveled back up to my head and her hands. "You know you're going to have to start watching your language soon? Whenever we start back to school next month, you can't be saying 'fuck' every other word."

I shrugged. "I know."

"And don't say that you hate your hair," she said, glancing down into my eyes briefly again. "I love your hair."

_And I'm beginning to love how you order me around._

"It's always a mess," I replied.

"I know."

"It never does what I want it to."

"I know."

"You're the only one who can make it look right," I whispered, asking myself how she does it.

She laughed softly and nodded. "I know."

"Why is that?"

Her hands left my hair and so did her sky blue eyes. She smiled warmly at me and let out a deep breath. I immediately missed her hands playing softly in my hair which I hadn't even realized felt good until she stopped.

"I just know you."

She tilted her head, leaned down and kissed the center of my throat before pushing me away lightly so she could jump down from the counter and take off into the bedroom. I sighed and looked in the mirror again.

My hair looked perfect.

And I was smiling broadly.

It was the night of the bachelor party. It had been exactly a week since I had woken up in Seattle. Suffice it to say that it had been the most eventful, challenging but all round best week of my life.

However, the week seemed to be sometimes more challenging than anything. On Monday, the day of the 'Lucky Charms romp' and the day that Blake told me (cryptically) about Jacob Black was also the day that I first stepped foot inside the doors of Washington Heights Academy…well, sort of…

* * *

That day I followed Bella's lead. I watched as she meandered her way around the halls, filing in and out of classrooms and looking at some of the renovations that were being done during the summer. The school was enormous, and I was instantly terrified of messing up and getting lost somewhere in the five-story private school. But with Bella's help, she introduced the school to me even if she wasn't aware of what she was doing.

First, we went to her classroom. Outside the door was a large wooden plaque that said "Miss Swan, English" in gold lettering. The room was set up more like a college coliseum classroom than a high school with theater style seating. It had rows and rows of chairs with little flip-down style tabletops that came down. It looked like it could hold at least 300 hundred students, but Bella seemed perfectly at ease as she organized things at her desks and closets. She had bulletin boards on each wall with different announcements along with themed colors and styles for each one.

She talked endlessly about buying new ones and what she had in mind for the coming year. She straightened up around the room and on her computer as she talked. I could tell how excited she was and how much she loved being here.

For the most part of the afternoon, we were alone in the building besides the workers who were doing the renovations. I didn't expect many other teachers to be here since it was still well in the middle of summer. But Bella insisted on us coming so she could get a jump start on her second year at Washington Heights.

Bella continued to work at her computer for a couple of hours while I waited around for her in one of the student seats. She didn't seem to notice that I didn't make a move to go to my classroom especially since I had no fucking clue where it was. Or at least if she did notice, she didn't say anything.

When she was finally ready to move on to my classroom, I again followed her. Mine was not far from hers, but damn, mine was much bigger.

I'm pretty sure that nothing could have prepared me for this…even if I stayed in this dream for years and kept learning new and impossible things about myself every single day…it still would never have prepared me for this.

This room…this _stadium_ screamed 'me'. It looked so much like me that if only had messy hair and green eyes then I would have sworn that I was looking in a mirror. The room looked to house about 500 students. The ceiling was shaped as a dome with impeccable clean lines. And from the cursive musical notes on the walls down to the carpeted floor, everything seemed in its place.

There was a large stage at the front of the room with a desk off to the side. In the corner of the stage was a baby grand piano. It was white which I was not used to, but it was so beautiful.

Off in the opposite corner of the room were rows and rows of musical instruments: guitars, trumpets, drums, tubas, saxophones, even harps and so, so much more. I couldn't imagine how much all of this cost, but I was becoming even more aware of how much this school dedicated to its music department.

Before I walked in though, I looked above the door to be sure…just to make sure that it was all real. And just as I thought…above the entrance hung a wooden plaque and in gold cursive lettering said, "Dr. Cullen, Music Director."

My smile grew as I stepped across the threshold. I felt a small, cold hand reach out and slip through my fingers. I glanced down at Bella who was not even looking at me, instead, her head was turned upwards looking at the doom in the ceiling and all of the musical notes.

"Oh, Edward!" Bella gasped, still looking upwards. "This looks amazing! Ben is going to be so pleased!"

I later learned that Ben was the headmaster of the academy who was also apparently a good friend of mine who took a particular interest in the music department. I also found out that renovations had already been done to the music room during the summer, hence the new dome in the ceiling and paint jobs as well as adding carpet and sound proof walls to soak up the sounds during school hours to not disturb the other classes.

"Oh my god, Bella…" I gasped, letting go of her hand and then bringing her close to my chest with my right arm. She snaked her arms around my waist from the side, nuzzling her head in the crook of my arm and shoulder. I wrapped my right arm across her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "I love it."

"I can't believe you designed it…" she said, turning her head up to look at me.

_What? I did?_

I guess I had a surprised expression on my face as I looked back at her because she back tracked her words. "I mean…" she said. "I _can_ believe you designed it, but I'm just…just surprised it's finally finished, and it's so amazing."

I nodded in understanding, gave her a tight squeeze and started moving towards my desk. Instead of following behind me, Bella stayed standing where we had hugged. I turned and looked at her questioningly.

"I'm going to go to the gym for a little while. Just come find me when you're done, k?" she asked, smiling sweetly at me.

"Ok, baby," I replied. She retreated out of the room, leaving me alone to work.

_Ok…now that I'm here…what the hell do I do?_

I didn't expect to ever in my life teach teenagers music.

I filed through my desk and cabinets, getting out grade books and notebooks and books to take home with me. I noticed my handwriting throughout each of them…I'm not sure why I was surprised by this, but I was. I guess I never thought of it to be as real as it was starting to feel.

I looked at lessons plans that I had saved on the computer in chronological order starting with August. I saved them onto a USB drive to take home with me too. Looks like I would have my work cut out for me until August rolls around.

Before I knew it, another two hours had gone by and it was almost 5 in the afternoon. My parents would be arriving soon, and we were planning on having dinner with them.

After almost another 30 minutes of trying to find the damn gym in this huge school, I finally found Bella. I was so surprised at what I found her doing that I didn't make my presence known to her for a long time.

Instead, I stood at the door frame and watched her. She had a long blue, cushioned mat pulled out into the middle of the gym floor. Her light blue blouse was tucked into her white shorts, and her hair was up in a high ponytail. I watched in complete astonishment as she did gymnastic moves on the mat.

_Front walkover, backhand spring, layout_

She stood up straight after her landing, brought her head back slowly and her eyes finally met mine. She smiled then and walked slowly back to her starting position on the other side of the mat.

"Hi," she breathed still smiling as I watched her.

"Hi."

"Are you ready to go now?"

"After I see you do that a few more times," I replied.

She giggled and shook her head, her ponytail hitting the side of her neck each time. It was mesmerizing. "Will you come here and spot my back tuck real quick before we go?" she asked.

"Of course."

After dropping my bag with my books on the floor, I stepped closer and stood at her side. She positioned me far enough away and placed my hand flat against her lower back.

"Catch me if I fall," she said.

"Of course."

"And just hold my back in case I can't do it."

"Ok."

"And don't be afraid to give me a push if I can't go all the way around…"

"Ok, baby. Come on. I got you," I promised.

She faced forward with her hands in fists in front of her thighs. She let out a breath slowly, clenching her eyes shut. I held my hand lightly against her lower back just as she had asked me. Next, it seemed like everything went in slow motion. She, first, drew in a quick breath and opened her eyes. Next, she bent her knees slightly, thrusting herself onto her toes and into the air. While in the air, she tucked her head, grabbed her shins and flew backwards. Lastly, she landed on her feet completely on the other side of me. My hand barely touched her the whole time.

She stood back up straight slowly and looked into my eyes wearily. "Did you hold a lot of my weight?" she asked.

"I barely touched you, baby," I replied smiling.

She let out a sigh and smiled proudly. "I haven't done this in months. I miss it," she said.

I began to wonder if this how she stayed in shape. Her arms and leg muscles were so well-defined that I hadn't noticed how she had a dancer's body. Bella wasn't just skinny, she was mostly tone and fit and also very…muscular.

"Try again," I said still smiling reassuringly. "Without me."

She nodded slowly, still feeling uneasy. I stayed by her side so she would know that I was still here even if my hands weren't on her. She stepped back up to the front of the mat and took her position once again.

In one blink of the eye, she did her standing back tuck and was on the other side of me, smiling proudly again.

"Perfect," I exclaimed.

"Ok, ok! One more thing then we'll leave!" she said, excitedly. She was almost bouncing up and down. I nodded and stepped away from her to give her room on the mat.

She padded to the front of the mat barefoot and took her position facing forward. She let out a long breath, glanced at me for a moment to make sure I was watching and took off.

_Round off, backhand spring, step out, backhand spring, back tuck, step out, backhand spring, layout._

It was so sexy.

_Damn, Miss Swan…why couldn't you have been my high school English teacher?_

Later on that night, Bella, Blake, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, my parents and I all gathered in our dining room to eat dinner. It was the first interaction that I had had with my parents in a long time. And I was so happy to see them. They would be staying with us for the remainder of the next couple of weeks to help with the planning and all of arrangements of Rose and Emmett's wedding with the exception of Carlisle traveling a couple of times a week to Forks for work which he tried to get out of but no such luck.

Dinner with everyone just seemed so…natural. Everyone joked and laughed and talked like it was just…so casual. We were all a family. And it did not escape my attention that having Bella beside me, joining in the conversation with my parents and everyone else seemed every bit as natural and comfortable as everything else about our relationship. Nothing about it seemed forced or fake in any way. Bella truly did care for my family, not just me. In a way, this frightened me, but a larger part of me was pleased.

The only part of the evening that was strained was when we all started to feel the effects of all the wine that had been served with dinner. Somewhere during the night, one of Bella's hands crept under the table and onto my knee, and the more the night went on (and the more wine that kept being poured), her hand gradually moved upwards onto my mid-thigh. And not much later, it moved to my upper thigh causing me to choke momentarily on my wine and carrot cake that Alice had prepared.

This did not go unnoticed unfortunately, and conversation about the reception's seating chart came to a halt.

I coughed and mumbled, "Sorry," taking a sideways glance at Bella through my wine glass. She smirked and stifled a laugh but left her hand in the same spot.

Emmett, Blake and Jasper gave me knowing half smiles; however, Rosalie gave Bella and I both an angry glare but kept talking. "Like I was saying…I just don't think Bella's family should have to sit with your old college buddies at the reception. No one should be subjected to that kind of torture especially the Chief of Police and a major league baseball player!"

Emmett scoffed. "And what exactly is wrong with my friends from college?!"

"Emmett, please…" Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"No! I wanna know! Because back in college you seemed to get along with them just fine!"

I was vaguely aware of the rest of the yelling and arguing coming from Rose and Emmett when Bella's hand began working small circles in my thigh. Her touch was light but rough, and it kept inching closer and closer to the tightening in my pants.

I turned my head only slightly in her direction to let her know that I was aware of what she was doing, but I still made no attempt to stop her.

She kept a straight face with only a little hint of a smile peeking on her lips, but her eyes were cast forward on the arguing pair.

The warmth from her palm was like a searing heat through the denim of jeans, and it tingled all the way down my leg and up to my groin. I was aching and straining for her touch.

She had never made an attempt like this before, and I was beginning to wonder if she ever would or if she would wait for me to make some sort of move towards her. The thought had, of course, entered my mind once or twice…okay, maybe more. Maybe I thought about it all the time…as in, every minute of every second that I am with her, but my mind kept reminding me of her intense, passionate, eternal love for me and also how I am still so completely unsure of my feelings for her. And then, my mind once again tells me that it wouldn't be right, and that whenever (or if ever) I get the chance to make love to Bella then it will be because I share the same feelings.

_But then again, I could wake up tomorrow and be back in LA._

Suddenly, I felt her hand grab my thigh roughly. My leg gave a slight shake at her sudden movements. I felt a shiver come up my spine and down my neck which I tried to stifle it so it wouldn't show. And then, her hand started to make its gradually ascent up my leg again. Closer and closer…her hand crept up. Finally, in the crevasse where my leg meets my hip, her fingers crept towards my center. I shut my eyes in anticipation. Then, closer and closer…and just as her fingers moved gently across my erection…

"Bella!" Emmett and Rosalie screamed at once.

Bella's hand shot off my lap and into her own in one quick movement. I opened my eyes and groaned, not caring if everyone knew what had just happened under the table.

"What?" Bella replied, exasperated.

"Do you really think that Charlie would want to sit with Shally, Flippo and Feltman at the reception for two hours?" Rosalie asked, still obviously angry and only getting angrier.

"Honestly Rose, I'm pretty sure Charlie could care less who you seat him with," Bella replied.

This only enraged Rosalie's fury and pretty soon she was fuming. It didn't help matters that Emmett had a triumphed look on his face and wide grin. Rosalie looked at Emmett then back at Bella and then briefly glanced at me before she stood up quickly, knocking the table and momentarily startling everyone.

"I give up! I am so sick of trying to make everyone else happy when nobody gives a flying fuck about me and how I feel! I don't give a shit about it anymore! You can all plan it without me! And YOU!" Rosalie pointed at Emmett who only looked back at her with a surprised and terrified expression. "YOU can go fuck yourself. God knows I'm not going to! And YOU!" Then she pointed at Bella who looked equally as frightened. "YOU are too busy jerking off your boyfriend under the table to back me up on anything!"

Bella's face turned blood red with embarrassment as she sunk down in her seat, glancing once at Esme.

"I'M LEAVING!" Rosalie exclaimed before stomping off towards the front door.

Emmett immediately got out of his seat and ran after her. I glanced at Bella who looked back at me, completely mortified and then at Blake who only smiled and winked at me.

The silence was deafening. Alice, Jasper and Blake kept stifling their laughter while I took Bella's hand into my own, rubbing circles with my thumb.

The only sound was the yelling of both Emmett and Rosalie who seemed to be out in the front lawn bickering with each other. There was a lot of cursing, and every time a screaming 'fuck' came from either Rose's or Emmett's mouth, I noticed Esme cringe just a little more.

Blake cleared his throat, set his elbows on the table and intertwined his fingers as he spoke. "Well…Chief Swan can always sit with me?"

With a smile, Blake looked around expectedly at Carlisle and Esme then around the table at everyone else. Still, nothing was said. Blake was completely ignored.

After several long, excruciating minutes past, Bella drew in a breath then said, "Esme, I-"

"Bella, really…it's fine," Esme interrupted. Then, very slowly, Esme grinned. Finally, her grin turned into laughter.

After at least an hour of non-stop yelling and some extreme convincing, Emmett brought Rosalie back inside. She then immediately ran into Bella's arms sobbing and incoherently expressing her remorse and regret for how she treated her best friend. This went on for at least another hour so before I knew it, Bella and I headed for bed, completely exhausted.

The next day, Tuesday, wasn't nearly as much fun as Monday. The girls, including my mother, were sent out on wedding errands with Rosalie all day.

_Shit, I felt sorry for them._

So while Emmett and Jasper were at the hospital, I spent most of my day working on school work. I researched old lessons plans, brushed up on my knowledge of music, expanded my learning as much as I could and tried to teach myself everything I would need to know for the coming school year.

Doing all this work without the added knowledge of knowing whether or not I would actually be teaching and not just wake up in LA before the school year gave me some sort of a weird feeling. Here I was going out of my way to commit myself to this life fully, yet I was never guaranteed tomorrow at all. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared at how deep I was already burying myself. But still, I was having so much fun that I didn't dwell on any of these facts long enough to stop myself from committing to the fall.

After several hours of non-stop work, I extricated myself from my bedroom and went into the living room to find Blake and Carlisle talking, snacking, drinking beer and watching baseball as if they were the best of friends.

"I was wondering when you'd finally get tired of jerking off and decide to come down," Blake said, smiling and sipping his beer.

I heard Carlisle snicker, but I pretended not to notice. "Real funny, asshole." I took a seat next to Carlisle on the couch, propping my feet onto the coffee table. "I've been getting some lesson plans together before school starts."

"How do the renovations look?" Carlisle asked.

"Really great. Bella and I were so surprised."

Carlisle nodded. Suddenly, my pocket buzzed. It was a text from Bella; the first time that I had heard from her all day. _Speak of the devil._

_Baby, when I think about you, all I wanna do is be by your side. Take a little ride. - B_

Despite being totally confused by her text, I smiled. The line sounded oddly familiar until it dawned on me. They were lyrics. And not just any lyrics…Dave's lyrics.

_Woman, please. I'm in your possession. You are my obsession. – E_

It was a few minutes before I finally got a reply from her. And it definitely jolted me.

_So good just wanna eat you up. Could not have made you up. Nothing like the real thing. Lick your sticky fingers boy. – B_

And that's when I learned something else new about Bella…

Bella liked to dirty text Dave Matthews Band lyrics.

And oh, God…it was quite possibly the sexiest thing about her.

As the week progressed, I started to understand Bella's obsession with Dave. (_Yes, Dave and I are on a first-name basis. Get over it.) _On Thursday evening, everyone went out to a small, local bar which wasn't far at all from our house. It was locally owned and managed by an older couple who knew all of us very well. Apparently, it was a Thursday night ritual for us to come to this hole-in-the-wall bar called _Mugshots_, and truthfully, it was an eye sore, but it seemed to be like another home to everyone and it wasn't the least bit crowded.

After a couple of hours and lots of drink later, Bella was starting to feel her buzz and kept whispering more dirty lyrics into my ears as well as calling me "Big Whiskey."

She was standing next to me while I sat on the high-top chair at the table with Blake, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme. Even with heels on and with me sitting, I was still taller than her sitting on the high-top chair. She leaned into me, snaking her arm around my shoulders to gather me close enough so she could whisper in my ear like she had been doing all night. I rested my left arm around her waist to steady her movement while my other arm rested on the table, clutching my beer.

Her breath was hot against my ear and smelt of tequila sunrise, but still smelt of her as she murmured in my ear, "_I'm not perfect. I'm flesh and bone. And I'm exactly what you need_, Big Whiskey."

I'm not sure how or why she had ever started calling me Big Whiskey. I never really drink whiskey, but something about the nickname I loved. I don't know if it was because it was her that was saying it or if it was because of my love for Dave. But God, I loved it all. Drunk Bella loved calling me Big Whiskey, and who was I to deprive her of such things?

Her voice was low and sultry. I shivered slightly, but it was still enough for her to take notice and giggle drunkenly.

"_God and the devil could not have made you up. The two must have worked as one together_," I replied in her ear, blowing a breath against her neck. She whimpered and was thrown into a fit of giggles before she ran back towards Rosalie and Alice who were dancing by themselves equally as unsteady and drunk as Bella.

I smiled, watching her dance with Rose and Alice goofily and without a care. They sang to each other as loud as their voices could carry, pointing at each other with one hand and holding their drinks in the other. My heart felt a strange pull at the sight.

"She is so perfect, honey," Esme leaned into me to say over the music, obviously noticing my blatant stare at Bella.

I glanced once at Esme then back at Bella. Sighing, still watching her dance, I replied to my mother, "Don't I know it."

"You deserve to be happy, Edward. More than anyone. You deserve her."

I lowered my eyes to study the label on my beer bottle. "I'm not so sure. I have done nothing to be worthy of her. She loves me without apprehension, without wanting anything in return." I shook my head. "I don't know anything about that kind of love."

Esme laid her hand gently on my arm. "That's not true."

"It is."

"No, it's not, son. She is _everything_ to you." Esme sighed softly, watching my face wearily before she began. "I know this is something you might not want to hear, but…"she stopped for moment. The pause was so long that I thought she had decided not to say it. I was wrong. "You can't live without her, Edward."

I wasn't expecting her to say that. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that.

I could only stare back at my mother. I couldn't find a response. However, internally, I agreed with her.

And internally, that scared me.

"Well, I think your father and I should be going home now. We'll leave you kids to have fun on your own. No more chaperones," Esme winked while she and Carlisle stood up to leave.

"Don't stay out too late, though," Carlisle warned. "Tomorrow night's the _big_ night."

There were several cheers that came from our table as the guys were reminded of Emmett's bachelor party.

"See you at home," Esme said as they both turned to leave. But before they could get very far, Bella, Alice and Rosalie came barreling towards them, giving them hugs and whining about their departure. Even if they were in a drunken stupor, I knew my mother still loved being adored by them. She never had daughters. She raised three boys all of whom were around the same age, so even though she never made it seem like she wanted anything more than just us three, I was certain that Esme always felt a slight absence from not having a daughter. However, now she had three.

"You girls watch after these boys," Carlisle said with a smile, giving all of them a one-armed hug; Rosalie lingered a little longer than the rest.

Once Carlisle and Esme had left and were out of ear shot, Rosalie slapped her hand on the table, yelling out, "Damn! That is one fine piece of daddy meat!" Jasper, Emmett and I all groaned in unison.

"If he is any indication of what Jasper will look like in twenty years, I might be in trouble," Alice replied.

"Edward has his eyes," Bella mused dreamily, watching the door where Carlisle had left. "-and his ass."

Rosalie and Alice snickered as my face fell in shock. This was something else I had not expected from Bella. Noticing my expression, Bella giggled and threw her arms around my neck pulling us together so our chests were connected.

"I'm just kiddin, Big Whiskey. Your ass is _so_ much better!" She kissed me softly on the lips and kept giggling.

"Ugh, I can't watch this. It's still too early to puke," Rosalie grimaced. "Come on, Al. Let's dance."

While Alice and Rose left to keep dancing, Bella went to the bar to order another drink. After a few moments of comfortable silence, Jasper spoke.

"Dude, what's with Rosalie?" he asked Emmett.

It had been the one question that had been eating at me for the past few days. Rosalie had not spent the night at our house with Emmett all week, and night after night Bella would be whispering and consoling her in the next room and sometimes over the phone. I never asked. Maybe I figured I was the only one who didn't know, but apparently Jasper was out of the loop as well.

Emmett shrugged some, taking a pull from his beer bottle. "I think she's just stressed about the wedding and shit."

Jasper and I nodded while Blake huffed before taking a drink of his own beer. Emmett glanced up at him but didn't say anything.

Jasper and I gave each other questioning looks but said nothing. I wasn't going to push it and neither would Jasper. There was a long silence. It was full of tension between Blake and Emmett. There seemed to be a show down going on with them; a sort of Russian roulette with their glares.

Finally, Emmett let out a long, deep breath and stood up. "I'm gonna go get another beer. You guys want…" he asked, looking at Jasper and I and deliberately not meeting Blake's eyes.

We shook our heads as Emmett left our table. Blake, Jasper and I talked for awhile, shooting the shit about nothing particular.

I noticed Bella and Emmett had joined Rosalie and Alice again on the dance floor except now Emmett and Rosalie were dancing while Bella and Alice laughed and sang together, jumping around and dancing like drunk but still graceful fools. Bella had a big toothy smile on her face the whole time, and when something was especially funny to her, she would throw her head back, shut her eyes tight and giggle incessantly. It was hard to focus on conversation when I was watching her.

It wasn't until Blake slapped my shoulder playfully that I was broken from my gaze at Bella.

Blake smiled widely, grasping one hand on my shoulder and his other on Jasper's. "Well ladies…it's been good seein' ya but there is a hot piece of ass in a yellow dress out there giving me the 'fuck me' eyes that I need to dance with," Blake said, gesturing with his head in the direction of our friends.

But I didn't have to look to know that Bella had on a bright yellow sundress.

I really tried not to get mad. I knew that's exactly what he wanted. And I really tried. However, it felt so natural to me that I scowled at him from the corner of my eyes, bringing my eyes into two small slits.

After a long moment, Blake threw his head back and let out his long, loud screaming laughter as he walked away, holding his beer and saying to himself, "Every time…every time…"

Jasper scooted over into Blake's seat next to me, bringing his beer with him. "He is such an asshole to you," Jasper laughed.

I let out a short, soft laugh and nodded. "No shit."

Jazz and I sat in a comfortable silence watching our friends dance together. Blake never attempted to dance with Bella. They danced near each other, but they never touched only laughed together. At one point, Blake whispered something in Bella's ear, and she looked at me while he was talking. She listened intently the whole time his mouth was close to her ear. But when he stood back up fully, Bella laughed hysterically for a moment, looked at me and waved. I smiled back at her and waved back.

"How are things?" Jasper asked.

I glanced at him then back at Bella. "Everyday is a new experience."

"Got any more questions for me?"

I laughed. "You have no idea." It was a few moments more of silence before I said anything. "There is one question that I guess I should ask before tomorrow night…" I stopped, waiting for Jasper's reaction. He only stared back at me, waiting. "Who is Jacob Black?"

"Wow…" Jasper's eyebrows rose while shock ran across his face. "I wasn't expecting that…"

"Blake warned me that he would be there tomorrow night…and I…I guess I just wondered why he had to _warn_ me?"'

"Well…okay…" he paused and eyed me nervously. His hands fidgeted with his beer mug while he spoke. "Jake is Emmett's age. He was in Emmett's pledge class, and they've always been really good friends.

"Whenever you and I came to UW, we all became pretty close. He came home with us a lot of times for Christmas and Thanksgiving and different holidays because both of his parents are deceased, and we were all...I don't know…just _that_ close."

He stopped for another moment before continuing.

"Then Bella came…and they became friends. He didn't make it too easy on you when she and you first started dating…but he conceded gracefully after a while even though I don't think Bella ever liked him like that in the first place."

"Ok, so, he likes Bella," I shrugged. "I can live with that."

"I'm not finished yet," Jasper replied. "That first year that y'all were together, she and Jake were nothing more than friends. But…" his voice dragged.

"But…" I urged.

"But then something happened."

"Jesus, Jazz! Just tell me!"

He let out a breath and began. "It was spring break of the first year y'all were together. We all went to L.A. and spent the whole week. A huge group of Phi Mus and Omegas stayed at the same resort. Uh…you had a baseball tournament in like…San Diego or something, and you couldn't come with us. Anyway…uh… Bella got really, super, unnaturally drunk one night, and y'all got in a huge fight over the phone where I think you might have broken up for like…I don't know…point five seconds. And uh…uh…I'm really unsure about all of the details…"

"Jasper!"

"Ok, ok! Bella was like…crying and shit after that, and…and Jake told her how he felt about her. He told her he was in love with her and had been the whole time. She was really upset, ….but he told her that he would never hurt her like you did…and, uh….uh…"

"And what?!"

"Man, she was so drunk…"

"JAZZ!"

"They hooked up."

"They had sex?!"

"What? No! I think they just kissed."

"You think?!"

"No, no, no. I'm positive. They just kissed."

I sat silent and unmoving for a while, soaking everything in. That had been almost three years ago, and it's not like I even knew Bella then, but for some reason, I was just as upset as I would have been if it had happened tonight.

"Anyway…Bella called you right afterwards and told you everything. She felt like complete shit about it, crying to you that she loved you and only you and had absolutely no feelings for Jake at all."

I nodded. My voice was quiet as I replied, "Well, that's good."

"Um…well…uh…" Jasper stammered. "You were pretty ticked though."

"I bet."

"No, I mean…like…extremely, ragin'- Cajun mad. Edward, you…uh…you snuck out of the hotel in San Diego, got a cab to bring you all the way to our resort where you proceeded to beat the _shit_ out of Jake."

That really didn't sound like me. "I did?"

"Man, I've _never_ seen anything like it before. _Emmett_ couldn't even get you off of him."

"Damn…"

"He had a broken nose, a broken cheekbone, his jaw had to be re-set, and he had…I think…like three broken ribs." Jasper shook his head absentmindedly. "You weren't completely untouched though, but it was nothing compared to him."

"Well, I can't say that doesn't bring me a little joy…"

Jasper sort of smiled, nodding his head. "You've hated him ever since then. Emmett tried staying friends with him, but I don't think you and Jake have been in the same room together since that night."

With my eyes still training on Bella's every move, I started to think about what it must have been like for me in that moment three years ago; how hurt and pissed off I must have been that a "friend" of mine could have done that. Even thinking about losing Bella brings unwanted ache in my chest…so, I can't imagine how it must have felt to really have lost her even if for a short time.

Jasper, sensing my inner struggle, said, "Nothing like that has ever happened since then. Don't ask me why, but she is so completely in love with you that it's sickening."

I smiled and let out a laugh just as Bella turned around to face me. Motioning with a wave of her hand, she mouthed, "Come here."

"Listen, dude, I know you're going through…something that you can't tell any of us about…but whatever it is you've gotta snap out of it. Seriously," Jasper said. "You love her…not past tense. _You love her_."

"Jazz…I still don't _know_ her…"

"What more is there to know about her that you don't already know?! Name something. Name something you want to know about her that you haven't found out yet…"

"Jazz…"

"You can't keep using that as an excuse. She's gonna figure out what's going on. She's gonna know something's up…she might already know."

Bella was still motioning for me to join her when I stood up from the table with Jasper and whispered, "Don't remind me, Jazz…I think about that all the time."

_It haunts me. Everyday._

I stepped closer and closer in Bella's direction. She was standing still, waiting on me with a large smile on her pretty face while everyone around her kept dancing. But they were all blurs of light around her…all I could see was her. Even the music was just a jumble of sounds as I approached her.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my skin was tingling the closer I got. When I was finally standing in front of her, she didn't say anything or even make a move to reach out and touch me. She only smiled at me, giggling silently; her blue eyes were dancing.

Slowly, I leaned forward close to her ear. With my fingers, I lifted her hair off of her shoulder and placed it gently behind her back, leaning even closer to her ear. I laid a soft kiss on the side of her neck as I spoke, "_Why do I beg like a child for your candy?_"

She shivered a little and smiled even wider, slipped her arms around my neck and hugged me close as she finished my line in my ear, "_Why do I come after you like I do? I love you whatever you are. I swear you'll be my angel…when you're gone._"

As the song that was playing faded so did everything else as I leaned down to place a soft kiss on Bella's lips. She responded by threading her fingers through the short hairs on the back of neck. There was no tongue or hair pulling or nail digging, only soft lips against soft lips as we kissed. To us, no one else was there.

Suddenly, the very familiar first chords of _I'm Yours _by Jason Mraz started to play. Bella and I broke apart as everyone started to go crazy over the song, cheering in excitement.

Bella turned around so her back was against my chest just as Jason Mraz started to sing and all our friends started screaming the words. Bella and I were swaying with my arms wrapped around her waist and my hands resting against her stomach. Her cold, little fingers were intertwined with mine, hugging me close to her.

There weren't any grinding movements or pelvis thrusts of any kind. No, it was only gentle swaying while we listened and watched our friends sing the words as loud as possible, all the while trying not to slur and failing miserably at that.

I felt Bella rest her head on my chest as she giggled and softly sang along with them. I leaned down and nuzzled her neck, taking in her cotton candy smell plus the distinct scent of her shampoo. I then felt her kiss the top of my head and whisper softly, "I'm yours."

The strange feeling in my chest that I had earlier came again. Except this time, it didn't surprise me. This time I welcomed it. And this time I knew what it was.

* * *

All the sweet memories of the past week left me when I was pulled from my stupor and brought back to the present, standing in my bathroom and getting dressed for Emmett's bachelor party.

Bella had left with Alice and Rose to get ready and wait for the rest of their friends to arrive at Rose's apartment. Apparently, there had been several "rules" that had to be followed for the night (Rose's Rules). The guys were not allowed to see the girls at all tonight, and we were not allowed to know where they were planning on going or vise versa.

Blake had taken it upon himself to plan out everything for Emmett's party. Jasper and I conceded to him, not really wanting to argue with him because we knew there would be no trying to talk him out of doing anything.

In turn, Blake had not told us or Emmett or anyone else for that matter where we were going tonight. Rose had tried countless times to pump him for information, but Blake held strong and didn't give into to his sister's requests.

Once I had on a pair of dark-washed jeans and green polo, I emerged from my bedroom and traveled down stairs to the kitchen where Blake was grabbing a beer. After hearing me enter, he handed me a longneck too.

"So…" I started, pausing to take a swig of my beer. "When's everyone getting here?"

Blake shrugged. "Should be soon."

My phone buzzed in my pocket after that.

_Drink number 1: Pink, panty dropper. Shot 1: Gin. – B_

Now, in my experience with my "normal" and "regular" relationships that I have had in the past (which haven't been many), I was never insecure or jealous or in any way worried. However, with Bella, she scared me to death. Not that I didn't trust her because I do…a lot…but, she is so devastatingly beautiful that she makes my knees weak so I can just imagine what she does to guys whom she doesn't know.

Anyway, with all that said, she and I had told each other that we would text…all night long. This thrilled me to no end because I knew that she would be thinking of me if we kept communication even if we couldn't be together.

_Yeah, I know. I'm a lovesick fool._

Bella had even said that she would throw out "Rose's Rules" and tell me where they were going. I told her that wasn't necessary even though I was secretly rejoicing and hoping if she got drunk enough as the night went on then maybe she would slip me the information without me even asking.

"Looks like the girls have started drinking," I told Blake as I typed out a response to Bella.

_You better keep your pink panties on, girl. - E_

"Still don't know where they're going?" Blake asked.

"No, not yet. She'll let it slip soon enough though."

Blake laughed and nodded his head. "Probably."

Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle joined us in the kitchen soon after that. We were standing around drinking, talking and waiting around for the rest of the guys to show up.

"Dr. C, you sure you're ready for tonight," Blake asked my father.

Carlisle laughed, good-naturedly and nodded his head. "I'm pretty sure I can handle you boys."

"Famous last words, man."

"Why do I feel like I'm about to relive scenes from 'The Hangover'?" Jasper asked.

"Trust me, Jazz," Blake replied. "Tonight is going to be way crazier than anything that movie could have come up with."

Then, as if on cue…like this was an actual movie or some scene from a dramatic television show, there was a knock at the door.

* * *

**A/N: Ohh...they're here! Just so ya know, all of these people are based on real people. I have friends named Shally, Feltman and Flippo (all last names but it's what they go by). There will be others introduced. I hope you're as excited as I am to see how they interact. Can anyone guess where Blake is taking them? Review me please. **

**Till next week.**

**'Preciate you.**


	9. Party

**A/N: I'm so thankful for every review. You don't know how much it means to me. Keep em' comin'. Before you read, please note that I got extremely wordy and couldn't fit the whole bachelor party into one chapter. So, this one is pure fluff. Next chappie, I'll add the drama. Another note at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Eight: Party

"They're here," Blake sang like the little girl from _Poltergeist_ as he ran to open the front door.

Loud cheers and male voices boomed from all walls of the house as a crowd of five guys walked in. Blake took time to introduce each one to Carlisle individually so I listened carefully so I could take notice of each one and would somehow be able to recall their names throughout the night.

The first one to come in was Shally. He was tall, extremely tall. He was around 6'7" with blonde hair and broad shoulders. His hair curled at the ends which gave him a sort of boyish quality. He wore a visor with the words "Titlist" written in script. He was dressed like Blake with short khakis shorts and a Lacoste polo and brown loafers. Typical frat guys…

He walked up to Emmett first then me and gave us both this weird handshake thing. I smiled and greeted him while he took my hand to give me the handshake. I tried to wing it…but all I knew was that it ended with a snap. I had the snap down but the rest made my hand look like a limp fish.

Next was Feltman. Feltman looked nothing like Shally. He was somewhat short and pretty skinny. While he was dressed like the rest, he had a dark completion and dark hair. He greeted me with the same handshake. I just let my hand go limp again until the snap but watched carefully.

Then, there was Flippo. Flippo (or Flip) was taller than Feltman but shorter than Shally; he was more around my height. However, he was as skinny as Feltman. He, of course, was dressed as the typical frat guy like the others. He had blonde hair, but it was cut shorter than Shally's. The handshake with him went smoother than the others.

Last were Derrick and Spencer Whitt. They were brothers and looked a lot alike. They were also my height but were built more like Emmett and Shally. They both had brown hair that was long enough to cover their foreheads but not enough to cover all of their ears. Spencer, the older one, had longer side burns and little more scruff on this face. He was also the only one who had on jeans and button up shirt. I almost laughed at how out of place he looked while walking in with the others. But they both still gave me the same handshake as everyone else. This time, I knew it.

It did not go unnoticed by me that the guys were calling me Red. The only people who ever called me Red were Emmett and Jasper when we were little because I had red hair and freckles up until middle school. When my face cleared and my hair grew out darker, the nickname sort of died down, so it was so nostalgic and surreal for me to hear these guys whom I didn't know call me that. I tried not to let it faze me at all, but every time I heard it, I cringed a little. I never liked that name. Another reason for me to hate my hair.

The kitchen was filling up fast, but I knew this still wasn't everyone…we were still waiting on Jake.

Shally and Flip stood on either side of me while Blake started passing out red Solo cups to everyone and took out a large cooler that resembled a Gatorade container on the sidelines of football games.

"Okay, fellas. Here is our appetizer," Blake announced patting the top of the cooler.

"What is it?" Derrick asked.

Blake smiled proudly, "Skip and Go Naked."

"Oh shit," Flippo exclaimed, walking closer to the cooler. He filled his cup up and took the first sip. He smiled as he turned to face everyone. "Tastes like college."

Everyone filled their cups and stood around talking and waiting. It was the first time, technically, that I had ever had a Skip and Go Naked. It was…interesting. And as the guys began telling stories of the few times that they had had this drink, I realized that it can actually fuck you up, pretty bad and pretty quickly.

"Blake, where the fuck are we going tonight?" Emmett asked while Blake was talking with Shally and Jasper.

"You know I can't tell you until everyone else get here."

"Who else are we waiting on?" Shally asked.

Blake's face turned into a grimace as he rolled his eyes and stated, "Black."

"What the fuck?" Shally replied. "Are you kidding me?"

I didn't say anything and kept my expression blank as I listened to them.

"Yeah, and you better not say shit to him either. I'm not kidding. That shit was like three years go," Emmett replied.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked.

Shally took a sip of his drink and pointed at me. "Jake fucked Bella on spring break while Edward was at a baseball tournament."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Emmett shouted, holding his hands up. "That's not how it happened at. All."

"Yeah, man. Don't say that," I said. Hearing the words made my fists tighten and stomach knot up.

"Sorry, dude, I didn't mean any disrespect. He might not have fucked her, but he wanted to," Shally replied.

"Well, who wouldn't want to fuck Bella?" Flippo said, nudging me in the ribs.

"Bella and I kissed once…" Derrick stated, smiling proudly and looking over everyone's heads. Everyone, excluding Carlisle and I, groaned loudly.

"Here we go…" Blake said.

"Of course, it was before she met Red," Derrick continuing ignoring everyone. "It was at that party…ya know…the back to school swap with Phi Mu." No one said anything. "You remember, right Spence?"

"Yes, Derrick. I remember," Spencer replied, exasperated.

"Anyway, Bella was a new Phi Mu and I, of course, was a pledge and had to drive everyone's drunk asses around town that night. Bella was with Alice and Rosalie who at the time was dating Shally…"

"Yeahhhhh…" Shally interrupted with a smile and nodded. Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Like I was saying…Shally made me drive Bella and Alice back to the Phi Mu house because Rose was gonna stay with Shally that night…"

"Yeahhhhh…" Shally interrupted again.

"…When we got there, Alice went on into the house…I think she was sick, but Bella stayed and talked to me on the front porch for a while…"

"Fuck! This is the stupidest fucking story, and I'm so fucking sick of hearing it every fucking time anyone says Bella's name. I had better stories in junior high," Blake shouted.

"Shut the fuck up, dude. It's my story, and I'll tell it however many goddamn times I want to, okay? If you got to kiss Bella, then we would all shut up and listen to your fucking story. But you didn't, and we won't. So shut up. And let me tell it, motherfucker," Derrick replied in a cool, calm voice.

"Well, if Jake gets here and starts telling his story…" Spencer began but was interrupted.

"Oh, he won't," Blake laughed. "He won't say one fucking word about it. Not with Edward around. His ass can't handle it."

"ANYWAY!" Derrick yelled. "So there we were…sitting on the porch. And it was pretty cold out. I mean, it was, what, like the end of September…and it was really early the next morning…"

"Oh my god! While we're young, Derrick!" Emmett shouted.

"Okay, okay. It was cold so Bella scooted closer to me, and I wrapped my arms around her. And she smelled so good…like…like cotton candy and raspberries and just…_girl. _Then all of sudden, she started telling me that _I_ smelled nice. And I figured 'what the hell', ya know? That's girl code for 'kiss me'. So I did," Derrick said with a wide grin.

"And then she puked," Spencer finished. Everyone erupted in laughter including me and my father.

"Well yeah…in the bushes at the front of the house. She was drunk…not because she kissed me…"

"Yeah, Derrick. Of course," Blake said, patting his back.

"Edward," Derrick leaned forward and spoke softly to me. I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows in response. "You aren't mad, are you? It was before you met her…I would never…"

I nodded my head and gave him a small smile. "I know, man. It's cool. Really. I'm not worried."

Derrick smiled in response and nodded his head before he gave me "the" handshake.

"Edward can't be mad at Derrick for kissing Bella when Shally and Rosalie used have nasty, pig sex!" Feltman shouted.

"Pig sex?" I asked.

"Yeah. You didn't know that pigs orgasm for over twenty minutes?"

"No," I replied with a laugh.

"Dude, that's my sister…" Blake said.

"Yeah, and my wife," Emmett said.

"Truth hurts, Cullen," Shally replied. "And she's your _future _wife."

While Shally and Emmett argued good-naturedly about their sexual encounters with Rosalie and while Blake covered his ears and yelled for them to stop talking about his "motherfucking sister", I decide to text Bella and tease her about Derrick.

_Derrick Whitt was here all of five minutes before he started telling the story about you guys' first kiss. – E_

_Derrick Whitt has a big mouth and was a sloppy kisser. Tell him I said that. – B_

_Haha. Aw and break the guy's heart? I can't do that. – E_

_Very funny. Know where you're going yet? – B_

_Not a clue. You? - E_

_Nope. Alice is a steel trap. – B_

I was typing out a response when there was another knock at the door. This time, Blake didn't say anything and made no attempt to go answer it.

"Everybody shut the fuck about what happened years ago and try to be nice," Emmett said, lowering his voice as he started to walk towards the door. "Please?"

"We still like the guy. He just betrayed a brother," Shally replied.

Emmett didn't say anything else as he kept walking to the front door. My eyes were so focused on Emmett's retreating figure walking slowly to the front door that I didn't notice Jasper step close to me and whisper in my ear until I heard him softly say, "He's coming with Seth, Bella's older brother."

That being said, unlocked me from my trance, and I turned my full attention to Jasper. "Bella's brother?"

_Bella has a brother?_

He nodded. "Yeah. Step brother. He's friends with Jacob."

I looked forward again in disbelief. "You've got to be shitting me," I exclaimed in a hushed tone.

"He likes you. Don't worry."

"Yeah…sure." The front door creaked open.

"He does. It took him awhile, but you're both friends now."

I nodded silently, still watching as I heard deep, booming voices start to descend closer to us. I'm not completely sure what I was expecting…but the two guys that walked in next certainly were not it.

The two guys that stood in front of me were…for lack of a better word: huge. Both were tall. Both had tan skin. Both had dark, almost black eyes. But one locked eyes with me instantly when he walked in, and the smile that he had worn when talking to Emmett slid from his face and was replaced with a tortured look. I knew it without having everyone around me confirm it, this was Jacob Black.

Even though both of them had short, spiky hair not unlike my own untamed mess except shorter, Seth's was slightly lighter. He looked kind of like Phil, Bella's stepfather. He smiled a warming smile to everyone as he shook their hands and did not attempt to do "the" handshake. He seemed relaxed and genuine, and for some reason, I felt completely at ease when looking at him. He seemed to simply exude happiness and delight, not unlike Bella. I immediately wondered to myself why Bella hadn't mentioned to me that her brother was here, but then I thought that she probably didn't know because she didn't know about Jake's arrival either.

"You look surprised to see me, Red," Seth laughed, shaking my hand roughly with a friendly smile.

I tried to remind myself to smile and not to seem intimated by his stature and deep, husky voice. His large hand encased my own as he gripped and shook it while waiting for my reply. I laughed nervously and kept a smile on my face while replying. "I am, Seth. Bella didn't tell me you were coming."

"She doesn't know. I'm gonna surprise her so don't tell her yet," he winked and stepped aside to greet Jasper.

I watched closely as Jake, who up close seemed even bigger than Seth, made his way around the room giving all of the guys "the" handshake and greeting them happily. When my turn came, I made eye contact with him as he stepped away from me and nodded one curt nod and said, "Edward."

_The only one who didn't call me Red._

I nodded back the same way as he had and said, "Jacob."

God, he was massive. Emmett failed to compare to Jacob's size as they stood side by side in front of me a few feet away. Then, a thought occurred to me. I had beaten this guy up? Had I really at one point been so angry to take on this guy that I had broken his nose, jaw, cheekbone and ribs? I almost laughed out loud when I thought of what Blake had said to me before about how he would kick Jake's ass tonight if he said something about what happened with Bella. Blake's lanky frame would snap like a twig. It was almost comical. Almost.

Talking resumed around everyone, and I broke my watchful eyes away from Jake to talk to Flippo, Derrick, Blake and Jasper who were standing close by.

Between all eleven of us, it wasn't long before the Skip and Go Naked cooler ran dry. Blake took out a bottle of Yagermeister and poured some in all of our cups, even one for my father. It was the equivalent of a little more than a shot's worth.

Flippo stuck his nose in the cup and inhaled before whistling softly and saying, "Whoa. Smells like college."

To me, it smelt like sweet cough syrup, but I didn't say anything.

Blake stood in the middle of us and rose his glass in the air. "To Emmett. May this night be but a minor set back in an otherwise happy marriage to my sister."

Mumbled agreements and the sound of plastic cups knocking were heard before everyone took their shot…including my father.

I watched him in the corner of my eye as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His face frowned and grimaced as he looked at the bottom of his now empty glass.

Flippo patted his back roughly, laughing. "Gonna make it there, Doc?"

Carlisle coughed some into his closed fist, but eventually laughed and nodded with a smile.

"Okay, Blake. Tell us where we're going," Emmett said.

"Alright, alright, alright…" Blake sighed. "First, we're going to Mugshots just to eat and drink a little. Then…" he trailed off smiling.

"Then…" Emmett replied encouragingly.

With a pleased smile and a push of his chest, Blake stated, "We're going to the house."

It was quiet for a few moments, the first time it had been quiet in the kitchen all night. Finally, Spencer spoke first, "Why? To hang with all the college kids?"

"What? No! It's the summer. There won't be that many of them there! Plus, they know we're coming," Blake replied. "I ordered the kegs. They were delivered there this morning."

"I love how we drink before you go out drinking," Flippo whispered to me.

"Okay…so…no strippers? No hookers? No night clubs? No…girls of any kind?" Feltman asked.

"Well…" Blake said, scratching the back of his neck. "Rose made me promise, but this will be fun, guys! Come on! Just like the good ole days! It'll be like college all over again for one night!"

This seemed to somewhat please everyone, which in turn made Blake let out a breath that he'd been holding.

So there we were, a bunch of late twenty-something's and a late forty-something going to the frat house for a bachelor party. As lame as it sounded and as bad as I hated to admit it, I was actually excited. I had never been to a fraternity house before, and now that I was here surrounded by guys that I had met here in this life while attending UW and being in their fraternity, now I was suddenly going to my old frat house where I had spent countless nights, getting drunk and hanging out with all of them countless times…supposedly.

It saddened me slightly that I had not actually lived through it all. It wasn't me. It was someone else.

Pushing those negative thoughts away, all of us piled into a Hummer limo that Blake had rented so none of us would be driving tonight. While, it was a good idea, the limo, however, still did not fit seven normal sized guys, two hefty sized and two XXLs. We were squished, but we could make it work for the night.

When we arrived to Mugshots, there wasn't a crowd as per usual. But now, with us there, the place seemed almost to capacity. As soon as we got there, Shally and I went to the bar to order a few pitchers of beer.

Martha Ray Brinley, the owner, greeted us at the bar with a smile. "Hello boys! What can I get for ya?"

We ordered a few pitchers for everyone and paid for them ourselves. We knew Blake had shelled out a lot of money for the kegs and limo, and we didn't want Emmett paying for anything tonight.

Martha Ray leaned against the top of the bar; her grey hair looked almost white in the glow of the soft lights above the bar. She leaned closer to me so I could hear her. "Where's the Mrs. tonight?" she asked.

"It's Emmett's bachelor party. Just the guys tonight. But she's with the girls for Rosalie's party."

"Ah, yes. The wedding is next week. I almost forgot," she replied.

I nodded, taking a gulp of my beer.

"So first Emmett's getting married…now Jasper's engaged…" she let her voice trail.

I knew where this was going but didn't say anything. I only nodded again and took another gulp.

I let my eyes cast downward meticulously watching my fingers trace lines in the wood of the bar in front of me, not meeting her gaze as she watched my face cautiously. She laughed softly at my expression and opened her mouth to say something else right before my dad walked up behind me and interrupted, ordering himself a bottle of water.

As the night went on at Mugshots, the guys (me included) got drunker and drunker. But it wasn't the lazy slurs that crept for their mouths or even the dirty jokes that Shally kept telling Emmett about Rosalie that seemed the keep getting funnier and funnier and it wasn't even the fact that Jake's presence was almost forgotten…no, it was the fact that I completely forgotten that I had ever lived a life in LA and went to college without these guys…that was how I knew that I was getting too drunk too soon for my own good.

Even though there were some girls around, we mostly kept to ourselves, laughing and talking about old memories (all of which I just laughed and nodded along to). But the occasional crack about how hot Alice was or how Rosalie was a 'screamer' or how Bella had made out with not only Derrick but also Flippo, Shally and even Blake and Emmett before she and I were together, kept leading me to believe that the rest of the guys were, in fact, single or at least dating someone who wasn't well known by everyone within the group.

When Derrick started to bring up his kiss with Bella, yet again, Blake spoke up about how he and Bella had kissed, but he wasn't talking about it all the time. At first, I chalked up his statement to be another one of his sarcastic cracks to make me snarl in jealousy…until Derrick said, "Oh yeah! I forgot about that!"

Apparently, Bella gets a little handsy and grabby when she's tipsy, and before we were together, everyone had _wanted_ Bella including my older brother and my "new supposed" best friend, Blake.

"What the fuck, Em?" I asked incredulously whenever it was brought up.

"What?! Aw, come on, Edward! You knew about that!" he replied.

_No, I didn't._

I mumbled something about how I forgot, but how it angered me still to think about it.

Emmett threw his head back in drunken laughter at my antics. "It's not like we did anything but kiss. I mean, she tried, of course …but I said 'no'. She was all over me…" he laughed.

"Alright, alright…that's enough. Stop talking about Red's girl," Blake said, throwing his arm around my shoulder and leaning his head closer to mine. "He only wishes." He winked then sat back upright in his chair.

"Blake, you've kissed her too," I replied.

"Well…yeah…" he trailed, his eyes darting from around the table then back to me. "But that was totally different. You see…_she _kissed _me_. Everybody _knows_ Emmett tried to get with Bella before Rosalie…"

"That is such a load of shit, Hale! In fact, 'everybody _knows_' that _you_ kissed _her_!"

Bella and I had kept texting off and on while we had been at the bar, but as the arguing continued around the table about who kissed who and how bad they might have wanted to get into _my girlfriend's _pants,I sent her a quick text.

_Are there any of my friends or family members that you haven't kissed? – E_

_Well, I'm not sure. But I don't think I've met your WHOLE family yet. But there's always time ;) – B_

Ignoring her snarky reply to my snarky question, I slid my phone back into my pocket without saying anything back. I had the phone almost all the way in my pocket when it vibrated again.

_Quit talking about me. – B_

I snorted with a slight laugh and replied.

_I miss you already. How sad is that? - E_

It is sad because I've spent almost every minute of every day over the past week in her presence, but now that I've been away from her for more than hour…I'm missing her.

Then, she did the thing that I possibly love most about her…she spoke Dave to me.

_But I confess it's lonely far from you even when you're right by me. – B_

Oh, Dave, you know exactly what to say. Especially when I don't.

We were at Mugshots for about two hours before Blake announced that it was time for us to leave. It was almost eleven o'clock at night when we got back into the Hummer limo that took us to campus, up Greek Row and in front of the Omega house.

All of the pictures that I had looked at in the boxes in my closet did not do the house justice. From the outside, it looked like an old Victorian home with four long, white columns that spread from the top of the house to the bottom of the front porch. Everything was white on the outside apart from the Greek letters and the green bushes and trees that lined the front yard.

If it weren't for the Greek letters that were hung above the front door, I would have just thought it was a regular, semi-expensive Victorian home.

Well…that was until the front door opened and three (obviously) fratty guys came barreling down the steps of the porch, stumbling down the brick walkway and into the street to open our door.

Apparently, they…well, _we_ might have been gone whenever we graduated but not forgotten. All of the guys knew each one of us apart from Seth who hadn't even attended UW as I later found out. They also embraced me and gave me "the" handshake as I smiled and greeted them having no idea who they were. But I kept playing my role, with no one the wiser.

The inside of the house, however, was…not as nice to put it mildly. It smelled of beer, smoke and…guys. There couches were somewhat matching…_somewhat_. The rooms were large and open with tall ceilings and columns and crown molding. Hard wood floors were in every room, but they were scuffed and in desperate need of refurbishment.

More unfamiliar faces that seemed to know me and almost all of us were lined up on the couches and chairs in every room. There weren't that many guys…but still more than I expected. They all greeted us the same as everyone else had, in fact, the whole greeting thing was becoming extremely familiar and ritualistic to me that I felt like I was playing the role perfectly. I was also starting to enjoy it all in my still drunken stupor.

I followed the crowd as we made our way around to the back of the house, passing more and more rooms with couches and guys sitting around drinking. On the walls, I noticed were the year's composites. Every wall held a large picture frame with the faces of that year's members with their names under their picture and the year at the top. The oldest composites seemed to be at the front of the house, and the further I traveled to the back, the composites got newer and newer. I started out in the 70s, making my way past the 80s, 90s, and then the 2000s. Right in front of the back door of the house was a long corridor, and in that long corridor were more composites. And it was there that something caught my eye.

My picture.

I stopped in front of the 2006 composite. My face was there, in a black suit with a yellow tie. Under my picture was my name, and under my name were two words.

Vice President.

I looked further across the frame, seeing the familiar faces of the friends I was with. Then, Emmett's picture caught my eye. Under his name was one word.

President.

And in the very center of the composite was the picture of the only girl in the whole frame. The picture was of Rosalie Hale, and under her name it said "2006 Sweetheart."

I moved on to the next composite, finally making it to the back door. On the wall to my right was my face again. Under the letters 2007 was my picture in the same black suit and yellow tie and under my picture was one word.

President.

And in the very center was a picture of Bella Swan with the words "2007 Sweetheart" written under it and her name.

I stopped then.

Slowly, I felt an arm creep around my shoulders, and Emmett's voice rang in my ears. "It's almost stupid how lucky we are."

I only nodded in agreement, never letting my eyes part from the mystic blue ones in Bella's picture. After a few long moments of silence, Emmett asked me, "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"I really am sorry about Jake, you know." His voice was soft in a whisper. It was so unlike him that it startled me.

"Yeah."

"I don't do it to hurt you. He's just…I don't know…we go way back, and…" he was stumbling over his words that came out flustered and filled with awkwardness.

"You could have told me…instead of having Blake do it for you."

"I know. I'm sorry about that too."

I shrugged my shoulders in indifference. I wasn't really all that hurt by the fact that my own brother was such good friends with someone who had obviously betrayed me and whom I hated or at least I knew I supposed to hate him.

"Come on, _girls_," Shally called and waved for us to follow him out the back door.

Outside was a large porch that wrapped around the whole back part of the house. There were chairs and, of course, a long table set up for beer pong. In the corner of the porch was one of the kegs that Blake was standing around drinking.

As I walked over to him, my phone buzzed.

_You won't believe where I am. - B_

_Where? – E_

Wordlessly, Blake handed me a cup filled to the rim with beer. I leaned against the porch railing while taking a long sip and waiting anxiously for Bella to tell me where they had gone. She replied…two words that I never expected.

_Titty bar. – B_

I choked on my beer that was hanging in the cup at my lips. Wiping the liquid from my upper lip, I put my phone back in pocket for a moment to think of my response.

"What is it?" Blake asked.

"They're at a titty bar."

"No shit! Really?" Blake threw his head back in laughter that only seemed to grow instead of dwindle with time. I mean, I thought it was funny, but not quite _that_ funny. Finally, he calmed enough to speak. "Ironic, huh? How we're hear with a bunch of other dudes, and they're there with a bunch of naked girls?"

I huffed with a laugh because I hadn't thought of that. "I think Emmett's enjoying himself though," I said while looking across the porch at the beer pong table which was being set up for a long game of flip cup being played by at least twenty dudes, including Carlisle.

"Does it freak you out that Esme's at a titty bar with your girlfriend?" Blake asked with a laugh.

I closed my eyes and groaned loudly. "_God_. I haven't even thought about that."

"Esme doesn't drink, does she?"

"Wine occasionally, but other than that not really, no."

"Hmm," he mused with a nod. "First time for everything though."

"Come on, Blake. It's hard enough picturing my mom at a strip club let alone _drunk_ at a strip club."

In the corner of my eye, I noticed my father's head turn quickly in our direction.

"_Your mother is where_?!"

Flip cup was…interesting. With all guys, it got pretty competitive between the two teams. I had only ever played it once before, and that one time was when I visited Emmett and Jasper at UW years and years ago. My inexperience, unfortunately, surfaced which raised suspicions between some of them. But I, in turn, tried to brush it off to my not having played in a long time.

Thankfully, in all of their half-drunk state, none of them pressed further.

I told Bella where I was eventually. She made fun of all of us, teasing me about how we were the creepy old guys who try to relive the glory days by hanging around 18 and 19-year-olds.

Bella's texts were becoming more and more illegible as the hours passed. Her letters were jumbled some of the time or she would leave whole words completely out. And even more of the time she would typed one letter way too many times…like she was holding out the syllable.

_Are you drunk, baby? - E_

_Nooo waieyyyy. – B_

But Bella was not the only one who was starting to get drunk. While everyone else kept a nice, steady buzz (including myself), Emmett was completely hammered.

I had decided sometime after many, many rounds of flip cup and beer pong that I would take it upon myself to be the designated keg distributor. So I stood by the keg, filling everyone's cup and talking to those who would come by fill their cup up.

We were onto keg number two whenever Emmett walked over to me, hanging entirely onto one side of Jasper. I laughed drunkenly at the sight. My buzz felt good and being in extremely close proximity to the source of our drunkenness helped.

"Em, you gonna make it?" I asked, still laughing.

He raised his head and looked at me tentatively through hooded eyes. "I lurv yow guyz," he slurred, wrapping me and Jasper in a crushing hug. "I mean, weire brothewrs. Like real brothewrs. Like…like…like blood brothewrs."

"That's right, Emmett. Here, why don't you sit down for a while?" Jasper asked, talking to Emmett like a child before setting him on a chair next to the keg.

"Three months!" Emmett shouted, raising his hands in the air. "Three fucking months!" His head lulled against his shoulder.

Jasper and I looked at one another wondering the same thing I'm sure. I'm not sure if he was even talking to us, but I stilled asked. "What's that, Em?"

"Three months!" He shoved his large hand in front of our faces showing us three fingers. "Three months of nothing. Not a single thing."

"Em, what are you-"

"Rose and me…we haven't…ya know…" his voice trailed before he looked up into our eyes. "In three months!" Even though the last of his statement was yelled, his eyes were saddened and watery.

_Great. Emmett's drunk and now he's crying._

While I was finding the scene fairly comical and amusing, Jasper, however, seemed genuinely concerned for him. "What? Why?" he asked.

"I don't know," Emmett replied while letting a breath, exasperated as he let his arms hang down by his sides rubbing the legs of the chair as he scooted further down it. "Something about a pact…something…" His eyes were still pained as he looked up at Jasper then at me. Suddenly, his eyes thinned in an angry glare towards me, and I realized immediately that I had been so amused by his antics in my drunken state that I was smiling like a fool at his slouched form. "And it doesn't help matters living with the two of you, Mr. Tie-Me-Up-Tie-Me-Down," he gestured towards Jasper. "And Two-Sometimes-Three-a-Days," he then gestured with his index finger towards me.

I snickered until my chest couldn't hold it anymore, and I snorted and giggled and laughed until I was doubled over. Jasper and Emmett watched me with shocked expressions with their mouths slightly agape. I only shut my eyes and cackled harder.

"What pact Emmett?" Jasper asked, ignoring me.

Emmett only rolled his head from one of his shoulders to the other with his eyes shut in response. He let out a long strain of grunts before finally opening his eyes and telling us what happened. "Rosalie and I decided to not have sex for three months before we were married so that it would be really special on our honeymoon…"

It was the first coherent sentence that I had heard him speak since we had been here.

"Oh…" Jasper and I breathed out and nodded in understanding.

"Yeah, and about two months ago Rose wanted to say 'fuck it' and just forget the whole thing." I snickered again but stopped before another fit of giggles started after being victim to a glare from Emmett. "But I can't give in. I promised her. She told me not let her give it up…"

"Literally…" I replied with a laugh.

This time I was given two glares. I throw my hands up defensively and backed away from them. In the corner of my eye, I saw Blake, Shally, Seth, Flip and Derrick walk inside. I stumbled towards them, mumbling to Emmett and Jasper that I'd be back.

As I followed them, my phone vibrated.

_Too drunkkk ands still drinkingg. Its jkust the way I feel. Its alright is what you told meee.- B_

Even drunk and barely able to text, she still talks to me through song.

_You and me and all our friends such a happy human race. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die. – E_

Once we were in the front yard surrounded by little frat guy college students and even a few girls but not many, the inebriated conversation flowed and didn't stop until well into 2 in the morning, and even only then did it stop so we could sing old rap songs. Bella and I continued to drunk text lyrics back and forth, and I began to think that that may never get old.

_Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight. Its 2 am - I'm drunk again it's heavy on my mind. - E_

No response.

We were in the middle of "Love in Her Mouth" by Kilo Ali when two large SUVs pulled up in front of the house. Then, my phone started to ring, and Dave sang:

"_Confess your kiss still knocks me off my legs. First time I saw you was like a punch right through my chest. I will forever because you will forever be…"_

The screen said it was Bella calling me, but before I answered it I realized that this was the first time she had ever called me…this would be the first time we had ever spoken on the phone…well, ya know…technically…

"Hey baby!" I greeted her because I was so damn happy to hear her voice and talk to her because I was a sad, weak idiot without her.

"Edward Cullen!" she replied, and I was immediately struck with her giggly, intoxicated laughter. "_Oh my god_, I miss you!"

I was so elated and happy to hear her say those words that it does that funny flutter feeling in my chest, but this time it's so prominent and distinct that it hurts. My breath caught in my throat before I could reply to her. "I miss you so much more, baby. Where are you?"

As I waited for Bella to reply, two things catch my attention. First, I noticed the guys stopped singing "Love in Her Mouth" as they watched the two SUVs that are still mysteriously parked in front of the house. And two, on the other end of the phone, I heard a bunch of girls talking and laughing, and it was so loud that I could barely hear Bella.

She ignored my question, but said instead, "Where are you?"

"I'm standing in the front yard of the house." I heard Bella repeat my sentence in a sort of hushed tone away from the phone, but I still heard her perfectly clear. I waited for a moment until I heard a girl say, _'Oh! I see him!'_. "Bella?"

"What? Oh, um…I've got to go, Edward. Love you. Bye." And before I can even open my mouth to say 'bye' back, she hung up.

"Oh, holy fuck…" Blake yelled from behind me. I turned to face him, but he wasn't facing me. Instead, his eyes as well as every other eye in the front yard were facing the road.

When my own eyes traveled to the direction of everyone else's amusements, I looked ahead to only see for a slit second a blur of brown waves in white and pink. Then I was enveloped in the arms of the one person who scared me and made me feel safe at the same time. Scents of cotton candy, booze and girl warmed me as did her embrace. With her legs around my waist and her arms clutching my neck, I staggered backwards some but didn't fall.

But _god_, she could make me _fall_…

Her waves of dark locks tickled my nose and chin as the summer breeze picked up. I felt the steady rise and fall of her chest move in perfect, rhythmical sync with my own. It felt like a dance

My arms wrapped around her waist but slipped some against the silk of her blouse. The silk was cool under my fingers but the heat from her body could be felt slightly underneath. My skin, my body, my mind, my heart were all buzzing in the electricity that she kept sending me just by letting me hold her. I had to bite my lip in order to stop myself from asking her if she felt it too.

"_Loving you is like cherry pie_," she breathed into my ear. I wished I could see her face, but her warm, little cheek was pressed against mine sending the same warm waves.

"Dave?" I asked.

I felt her shake a little whenever her light giggles met my ear. "Lady Gaga."

I could only let out a short laugh before she was kissing me, hard but still soft. Her hair was no longer dancing across my face, but instead her lips moving along with mine in a new dance. She kissed me with hunger and fever like never before, and I wondered if it was because of the alcohol that she tasted like sour strawberries. It was nice, but it wasn't Bella.

Her fingernails dug into the little hairs on the back of my neck, and I groaned loudly. I felt her smile behind her lips, but I still never made a motion to stop. Behind my closed lids, we were the only two in the night air.

"Enough, enough! You're gonna chew his face off," said a loud but high angelic voice that still sounded several feet away. Alice.

Bella pulled away but rested her forehead lightly against mine, letting her strawberry breath fan across my face and her chest panted against mine. Alice and everyone else was forgotten again. "You look so good tonight," she said with a smile.

I think that was first time she had ever told me that. Suddenly, my knees felt like jello, and my arms felt too heavy to hold up.

She slipped some in my grasp, but I scrambled to right my wrong. She made a move to leave my arms completely, but I only held her tighter and closer. "Don't," I whispered.

"I'm heavy."

"No, you're not." She felt as light as the air and the electrical charge around us.

"I wish I was sleeping with you tonight," she breathed again across my face.

"You're not?"

"Another rule. We're staying at my apartment." It's hard to explain what it felt like in my stomach after she said that. I was so accustomed to sleeping with her, to holding her before I fell asleep and to listening to her quiet, whispered words late into the night.

My face must have given me away because she giggled, cupping the side of my face with her cold, little hand. "Don't worry, Big Whiskey. I'm yours forever. One night is not going to injure us."

_Mine forever? If only…_

She motioned for me to set her down. I complied wishing that she wouldn't be the first the pull away when we kissed, or be the one to leave our embrace, or resist saying she loves me when I know she does.

_I'm unbelievably selfish. _

"Ahh!" Bella's scream echoed as she ran into the arms of Seth. She looked like a child hugged against his large frame, but he looked gentle as he smiled and laughed with her. It would have been endearing to watch if I wasn't clouded by my jealousy.

I tore my eyes away from their brother/sister moment to watch as pretty girl after pretty girl walked down the sidewalk, up the walkway and into the house. None of them even came close in comparison with Rosalie and Alice and definitely not Bella, but they were all fashionable and attractive. None of them looked familiar, but they sent me knowing looks and greeted me with friendly smiles.

All except Rosalie. She was being helped in on the shoulder of Alice. The sight seemed a little too reminiscent of how Emmett had been carried along on the arm of Jasper earlier. I smiled at the irony.

Rosalie had a wide smile on her face and a glow in her eye which was so completely unlike her that for a moment she seemed more beautiful than I had ever seen her before. But then again…she had on a _god-awful_ white veil that feel across her shoulders and had small dangling, colorful penises lined across the top of it. And she was clutching in her hand that wasn't slung across Alice's shoulders a purple plastic wand with a large purple and blue light-up dildo on the end. Across her body was a beauty pageant sash that said "Bride-To-Be".

While Blake berated Alice and Rosalie about showing up to Emmett's bachelor party, most of the guys went inside following the line of pretty girls in the front of the house. I didn't make a single move to follow behind them; instead, I took up residence beside Bella as she rambled on with Seth, sliding my arm possessively around her little waist.

_I mean…they aren't "technically" related…_

Bella leaned into me, snuggling close to my chest while still listening to Seth. She looked so beautiful. Her hair was down, but some strands around her face were pinned back to the side. It laid across her shoulders and down her back in large, sexy curls and shined when she would unknowingly run her fingers through it when she laughed. She wore tiny white shorts that made me wonder what kind of underwear she was sporting underneath them. I couldn't see a line, but if I looked close enough, I could see a little hue of red peaking through the sheer, white fabric. Her baby pink shirt was big and hung loosely from her torso with the sleeves came down to her elbows. But what drove me crazy about it was that one side of the shirt hung off her shoulder, exposing the slightly tan skin of her whole collarbone all the way down past her shoulder. To top off her outfit, she wore several dangling gold necklaces that came down to almost the rim of her shorts and gold leather strappy heels that were at least five inches tall, making her legs look like they went on for days but still kept her barely grazing my shoulder in height.

I didn't interrupt their conversation even though all I desperately wanted to do was pull her aside and lick her exposed shoulder. Now that I'd had a taste of her lips tonight, I knew especially because of the alcohol that I would not be able to get enough. Then, I was suddenly glad that she was not going to stay with me tonight because I knew if I would start to kiss her in bed then I wouldn't be able to stop.

I listened to Bella and Seth talk about the wedding and about how her dad would be staying in town for the weekend of it in Bella's apartment, and Seth said that his dad and Bella's mom would be staying with him at Jake's house in Seattle.

"Jake?" she asked.

"Yeah. He has a little more room than I do plus he's closer to downtown."

She nodded simply but with a faraway look in her eyes. I squeezed her hip a little which broke her stare to glance up at me. She smiled tentatively which didn't quite meet her eyes. I hated how desperate I was all the time to know what she was thinking.

"I miss you, Bells," Seth said. "It's been a while, but you look so happy." His eyes glanced up at me for a split second before returning back down to her.

She smiled. "I am."

"Good. I hope Red, here, doesn't forget that I can still be a big brother if I need to be," he said, slapping me on the shoulder.

"'Red'?" she repeated, looking up at me. "Oh my god, have they been calling you that all night?"

I nodded.

Seth laughed, said good bye, invited us to follow him inside and left through the front door and into the house. Bella turned to face me fully, while trying unsuccessfully to stifle her giggles. God, she was beautiful that it hurt.

I followed her lead as we sat on the front steps facing the yard and the street. She leaned back on the palms of her hands that were flat on the step behind us as she looked down the walkway still with a toothy smile.

"I hate that stupid nickname," I said.

She laughed. "I know."

"I don't even have red hair."

"That's true."

"You look so beautiful tonight," I whispered, looking down at her heeled feet that looked so sexy propped on the step below us. I wondered to myself if I would ever grow tired of telling her that.

"So do you," she whispered back, leaning her head on her shoulder. Her hair brushed against my cheek, and her cotton candy smell hit me in the face.

Then, I remembered Derrick's story of how they had kissed on the steps of her sorority house on a warm summer night like this, and how he described her smell perfectly. My body tensed at the mere thought of the exchange between them being anywhere close to what we had when we're together.

"I heard all the stories about your make out session with my friends."

"Mmm," she groaned. "I would say I'm surprised that I was such a popular topic of discussion, but…I'm not." She chuckled and lifted her head off my shoulder.

I laughed and nodded with my legs propped on the step in front of us with my arms slung on top of my knees. I watched her long, exposed legs as she waved them from side to side, brushing against mine which were also exposed in my own khakis shorts. With every soft, chaste touch of her smooth skin against mine, I felt that same electric current.

I leaned to the side and laid two kisses on her exposed shoulder. She giggled and shuddered a little underneath my touch.

"They just do it to piss you off," she said.

"Ha," I scuffed. "I know, and they do a good job of it." A breeze blew just then, and I wondered if it was reminiscent of why my mood started to change. "I still can't believe you've kissed all of them."

"Well…ya know, I got bored waiting around for you."

And because I'm an emotional idiot who has never thought of what it would mean to be in love or what it would take to be the kind of person worthy of someone as perfect as her, I asked her the question that I knew I shouldn't have.

"Why did you kiss all of them before me?"

She let out a soft laugh that wasn't really meant to be friendly or even a comical laugh. "Come on, Edward. You know why."

I was beginning to get sick of that answer.

"No, I don't, Bella."

"Edward," her voice was stern and held a kind of warning to it as her smile slipped from her face. "Please don't…just…shut up."

That was not the answer I wanted either.

"Bella, for the love of God, please tell me why you found it necessary to kiss all of those guys who are my _best friends_ after you met me!" I yelled.

Her face turned from a look of shock into a grimace of anger. She sat beside me, watching me and studying my face for something that I wasn't sure she would ever find. Her eyebrows were together on her forehead, and her lips were closed tightly as her chest rose and fell with every deep, angered breath that she took. She rose from the step in complete silence, and I wondered for a moment if she would ever answer me.

When she finally did, I wished that she had just ignored me again.

"Because you had a fucking girlfriend when I met you."

She turned and left.

_There's a detail Jasper left out._

* * *

**A/N: Ok, here's the deal. I'm from Alabama, k? Things down here might be different from things up there. Just pretend to understand if you don't. Let me know what you think.**

**Ever been to a frat house?**

**'Preciate you.**


	10. Don't

**A/N: Well, hello again. Thank you to eveyrone that's reviewed. It means a lot. I'm totally new to fanfiction. I only started reading it around Christmas time. I also don't have a blog or twitter or any of that good stuff. Just me. And this lil ole story.**

**I'm sorry this isn't as long as the other chapters. But it's really just part two of the last chapter. AND there is an itty-bitty lemon at the end. (The lemon was around 8 pages in Word so it's actually not itty-bitty at all) It's my first lemon so be gentle with me. I hope you like it. Excuse any mistakes. **

* * *

Chapter Nine: Don't

"Bella, wait!" I called after her, scrambling to my feet as best I could intoxicated. "Baby…please…"

I'm not sure what I was begging for or even what I was going to say to her in response. All I was sure of was that I seeing her run away from me created a searing pain right through my chest.

She spun around quickly, got in my face and jammed her finger in my left pectoral. "What's the deal, Edward? Huh? Are you trying to make me feel bad about everything I did before you? Are you just…just…" she stammered over her words as she looked around anywhere but my eyes until she found her verbal footing. "-trying to make me feel like a slut?"

"What? No! Bella, I'm-"

"Know what? Just forget it. You're obviously drunk, and so am I and I really don't want to fight with you. It's just so…it's just so completely…not worth it."

I would have rather had her yell at me and cuss me and slap me across the face instead of having her turn her back on me again with her head hanging low.

I reached out and curled my fingers around her tiny but muscular bicep. I felt her flex under my grip as she stopped and faced me, glancing at my hand on her then back up into my eyes. Her eyes were slightly glassy making my chest hurt and my heart plummet to my belly.

"Don't walk away from me please." I was certain that I would never be too proud to beg her.

She blinked rapidly over and over, and I released her arm, praying she wouldn't run away from me again.

She didn't.

"Please…" I said, definitely not opposed to begging.

"Tell me you love me, and I'll stay." Oh, _god_. "I'll stay right by your side the entire night if you just say the three words that you've said to me everyday for years but haven't told me in over a week."

_God_, I wanted to. I wanted to so badly that I almost did. My heart and head were screaming it to her, telling her that all I wanted was her...forever not just for a week or a month or a year until I woke up from this dream. But forever. I wanted her by my side, touching me, kissing me, whispering how much _she_ loves _me _because God knows how addicted I've become to hearing her say it.

And it was in that moment that I realized the love might have been there.

But the words weren't.

And they didn't come.

"That's what I thought."

She turned and left. Again.

And this time I didn't go after her.

I went back to the step where only moments ago life was a_ little_ simpler. Minutes later, someone was sitting next to me again. But it wasn't her.

For a long while, Jasper and I sat in silence. I thought about the look on her face when I didn't tell her I loved her, and I thought about how badly I wanted to say it. Suddenly, I was stone sober and wishing that I didn't feel like my heart was somewhere inside that house being held by a girl in gold pumps.

"What happened," Jasper asked, breaking the silence.

Ignoring his question, I asked him the greatest question on my mind. "I had a girlfriend when I met Bella." Well, it was meant to be a question, but it came out as a statement.

"Yes." His voice was soft and almost pained. It sounded how I felt. "The two of you went through a lot at the beginning."

_We're going through a lot now._

I kept quiet still not looking at him as he spoke to me. "You were dating this girl, Tanya, when the two of you met. In college, you didn't really date anyone so it was kind of big deal for you to finally have a girlfriend, and you and Tanya hadn't been together that long whenever you met Bella."

_I don't even know a Tanya._

"But you loved Bella, man. From the moment you saw her, girlfriend or not, you fell in love with her. It was like…like something went off in your head because you became so…_obsessed_ with her. Rosalie was with Shally at the time so Emmett tried to go after Bella. It made you _so_ mad…damn, you were so pissed," he chuckled. "But you had no right to be."

I only nodded so he would know I was listening and wasn't going to interrupt him.

"But they didn't last long. I think both of them were just killin' time until you and Rose came to your senses." This time I laughed. "Anyway…a few weeks went by and you were still with Tanya. I think a part of you was unsure if Bella felt the same way about you. And then…uh…"

For the first time, he stammered and searched for words. I wondered if he was just having trouble trying to remember what happened so long ago or if he really just wasn't sure how to tell me what happened next. Either way, I was becoming annoyed and impatient.

"Then…" I encouraged him.

"Then, Blake asked Bella out."

_That_, I wasn't expecting.

"He what?"

"I think that's about how bad he wanted you to snap out of it."

I think Jasper didn't answer my question because he didn't want to be asked to repeat that same line again. It didn't sound good coming out the first time, and he knew I heard him. Somehow he knew saying it again would only hurt me more.

"He and Bella dated a while. I think she just wanted to make you jealous by dating your best friend, and I think Blake just wanted you to get jealous enough to finally break up with Tanya.

"It took you walking in on them kissing one day for you to wise up. You yelled and screamed and cussed until you were almost in tears. Then…well, then you told her you were in love with her, and it killed you to see her with anyone else."

I wanted to protest and tell him none of that ever happened, but then I remembered that I wouldn't know even if it did. But even the thought of Bella with anyone else made me sick inside. So…he was probably right.

"And after she slapped you and asked you what took you so fucking long…" he chuckled at that. "- she told you she loved you too."

I finally looked over my shoulder at him. He was smiling and rolling a beer bottle top on the tips of his fingers. He glanced up at me when he saw me finally acknowledge him with my eyes.

"I've never said 'I love you' to anyone before." It was the truth apart from Esme. But saying it out loud made me realize the magnitude of what Bella was asking of me. And how completely unprepared I was to say it and admit it to her and also to myself.

Jasper let out a long, drawn out sigh. "Edward…" he started then paused. It was a long pause where I watched him war himself internally. "You're over thinking everything. And…and she is going to figure it out, man. She probably already has, and it's going to get bad…"

"Jazz, I can't just tell her I love her if I really don't just because it's what she expects!"

"You really don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"Edward! You are _everything_ to her. You were her _first_. And well…I'm pretty sure her only."

Huh?

Her first?

_Ohhhh._

"Really?" He nodded in return.

"My guess is she loves you a lot more than you realize." _Could she? Does she?_ "And I'm guessing you're hurting her more than you realize too."

"Jazz, she's had four years to fall in love with me. I've had a week."

"And you don't think a week is all it takes?"

Somewhere along the way in my _real _L.A. life, I had become cynical and uncaring. And as crazy as this whole situation had become, life without Bella now that I've had a glimpse…I'm not sure if I could go back. But is that love? Bella felt like air and water and fire, and all the things that I can't live without but will someday have to.

"I'm not sure how to love someone, Jasper. This whole thing…it's just…I don't know. It's just not how it's supposed to be at all. Everything's backwards; nothing's real. I feel so lost and helpless to stop anything," I voiced without caring how it sounded. "I'm so fucking scared of getting used to this…getting used to _her_, and then being powerless to stop myself from leaving and…hurting. I'm not sure if I could go back now. I've…well, I've changed somehow."

She _has changed me._

"And now I don't know if I'll ever be the same."

The night, well…the early morning, dragged on. Jasper and I didn't stay much longer outside by ourselves, but whenever we finally did go back in, it had definitely turned into an all out _party_. Music was starting to play, and everyone was dancing and drinking and acting carefree and uninhibited. I found my buzz again after reclaiming my post as 'designated keg distributor'.

Bella was…avoiding me. Well, she was avoiding/ignoring me. I'm not sure if it was punishment for our semi-fight or if she even realized she was doing it. But _God_, she was so beautiful tonight that she made my drunken heart ache to touch her. But she wouldn't come near me or even look at me.

She floated around; talking to everyone and laughing with everyone (except me). Everyone loved her, that much was clear to me, and she knew _everyone_. I memorized everything about her. I watched the way she would dance with her friends while balancing a drink in her hand, and how her eyes would light up whenever the music would change to a song she knew every word to, and how she hugged everyone that came to talk to her…like they were the most important person to her even if she barely spoke to them.

Still, she kept ignoring me. When she would dance, she would be smiling and laughing but her eyes would search the porch and never once would they cross my path. She was deliberately torturing me, and that was literally what it was like while I watched her dance…torture.

But the one time that she even so much as glanced at me was when _Funny the Way It Is_ came on. My heart soared for that split second because I knew that no matter how mad or upset or hurt she was because of me, we were still connected in so many ways.

Blake was the first to notice that something was wrong between us. He asked me about it, but I shrugged and told him to ask her. I watched him whenever he leaned in and whispered about it to her, and then I watched her when she whispered back to him. He laughed, nodded and I read his lips as he said, "Okay, Bella," then he came back and stood next to me.

"What'd she say?" I asked as we leaned on the wooden railing together.

He slowly took out a pack of cigarettes out of the front pocket of his button-up Polo Ralph Lauren shirt, set his beer down on the side and offered me one. I took it and lit it with his lighter. I hadn't smoked in almost two years.

We both took a long drag together, still waiting on him to respond to me.

"She said that she wasn't telling me shit and to tell you to go fuck yourself."

My cigarette hung from my bottom lip as I whipped my head around in her direction. But she wasn't there. In fact, it seemed like almost everyone was going inside all of a sudden.

I briefly caught sight of my mom and dad going around to the front of the house when Blake and I decided to follow them. There, gathered around in the grass, was everyone. They were huddled around something, laughing drunkenly and cheering at whatever was the center of their attention.

"What the fuck…" Blake breathed beside me.

I had this strange feeling in my gut as I started to run towards them across the yard. Then, there standing barefoot in the grass in front of everyone was Bella with her little pink shirt tucked into her white shorts in the same stance she does right before she…_oh_

"Bella!" I called out, pushing past everyone. "Bella! Don't!"

Her head rose in my direction and our eyes met: green hues locked on blue orbs. Then, she glared at me. Daggers were being sent to me through those same pretty, blue orbs. And if she hadn't have looked so fucking sexy with her face all scrunched in anger then it would have surely hurt me for her to look at me like that.

She sauntered up to me slowly, never letting her eyes part from mine. I froze because this was definitely the most attention she had given me since we last spoke. She stood in front of me, still glaring all fire and brimstone in her eyes with her hands on her little hips.

_So fucking cute._

"You're drunk, baby. Please don't do this…" I stopped when I saw her raise her right hand from her hip, then watched helplessly as she placed her hand (badass, painted black nails and all) against my chest over my heart and give me a slight push. It felt like a small gust of wind that did nothing to me. I didn't budge at all.

I smiled at her because she was silly and lively and drunk and made my word fall around me.

"_I'm bare boned and crazy for you_," was what I said to her. It was the only thing besides 'I love you' that I could come up with.

_Dave, you haven't failed me yet._

She still glared at me and began to remove her hand from my chest to walk away from me, but I stopped her. I pressed my palm against the back of her hand firmly so she would not stop covering my heart. Her blue eyes rose back up to look at me, and slowly they softened slightly.

She didn't smile or show any signs of forgiveness, but her words made my stone heart being held under her little hand soar.

"_Crazy how it feels tonight. Crazy how you make it all alright, love_..." she replied, but I interrupted to finish for her.

"_Crush me with the things you do, and I do for you anything too_."

"Come on, Bella!" Alice whined from behind her.

Neither one of us looked at her. It was just us…us staring into one another's eyes like if we ever parted or even blinked then it would be the end of the world. Slowly, I laced my fingers through hers still resting on my chest and brought our joined hands up to my mouth to place a small kiss on her palm.

She didn't smile at me or show any sign of enjoying our moment. But the very fact that she didn't pull away was enough to spur me forward.

Then, her words came. Not Dave's. Just hers.

"Why do you make me so crazy?" she asked me. "How do you do it?"

I smiled against her hand before I let go of my grasp on her. She made a fist with the hand I kissed then placed it slowly back on her hip.

"It's not without difficulty."

It was then that she smirked. It wasn't a smile or a glare or a grimace. It was a smirk with her small, dark eyebrows raised. I wanted to laugh, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to embrace her and never let go. But I did none of those as she turned away from me for the third time tonight, and she walked away.

She and Alice took the same stance as before standing side by side but leaving a few feet in between them.

"Oh hell yes!" Flippo shouted. "Okay! Everyone step back!"

"Yeah! Give em some room!" said some college frat guy that I couldn't remember his name.

Everyone took a few steps away from them in the grass. Bella and Alice each held two drunken grins on their faces, eyeing each other excitedly.

"Edward, she doesn't need to be doing this…" my father whispered to me.

I shrugged my shoulders. "She's so fucking stubborn and hard-headed, Carlisle. She won't listen to me."

Obviously, my response wasn't as hushed as my father's because Bella quickly turned her head in my direction and narrowed her eyes at me.

Without dropping her eyes from mine, she lifted her right foot behind her back and grabbed it from behind her butt, stretching her quad muscles then doing the same thing to her other leg. She didn't need to stretch…I knew what she was doing. She was trying to blatantly show me that she had every intention of doing this no matter what I said.

"Bella, baby…" I was coaxing her. I didn't care. "You're going to hurt yourself."

Ignoring me, she looked at Alice. "Ready?" she asked. Alice nodded eagerly. Bella faced forward again into the grass. "Count us off!"

I don't remember hearing the numbers being yelled, because all I heard was roaring in my ears while I watched the two little women in front of us run two strides and then take off across the grass- drunk, disorderly but still poised and sexy as hell.

_Round off, backhand spring, backhand spring, backhand spring, back tuck._

Alice's landing was…not so sturdy. She landed on her feet before she wobbled then fell back on her butt. Jasper was at her side in a moment, but she had her eyes still shut tight, giggling and shaking in laughter.

Bella, however, well, her landing was perfect. Of course. Everything about her was perfect...was I actually expecting something less. She didn't wobble or stumble or loose balance at all. In fact, the only flaw about her landing was that the top of her loose-fitting blouse had come down and was exposing a cheetah print, strapless bra covered breast.

_Damn. My little cheetah._

But she quickly noticed this imperfection and fixed it right away, looking down at herself then searching the crowd of people for someone who saw. It wasn't a long search because _everyone_ noticed it.

Catcalls, cheers and whistles were shouted towards the two girls standing in front of the crowd of co-eds. Bella chuckled never showing any sign of embarrassment as she shot the finger on both hands to everyone, black nails on display.

Blake laughed beside me. "That was so sexy."

I punched his shoulder as hard as I could but with very little feeling in my hands or really anywhere on my body at the moment. "Dude!"

His hand clutched the spot I hit, and he looked at me with surprise and hurt but it only lasted for a moment before he smiled and laughed again. "What? It is! Come on, Red. She's like my sister. I just like busting your balls."

"You don't fucking kiss your sister…"

"Alright, alright. We're more like cousins…" he lowered his eyes, suggestively. "Kissing cousins…"

I shoved him again. "Ouch! Wah, wah, wah. Cry me a river, Cullen."

He draped his arm around my shoulder, having to stretch some because I was at least half a foot taller than him. He led us back onto the porch to smoke, telling me stories about how much Bella talked about me while they were dating.

All the while, all I thought about was a cheetah covered breast…

* * *

"So I walk in the bathroom, and it's like…I don't know…maybe five in the afternoon, and she is just…like literally unconscious, laying in the floor butt-naked," Alice explained, taking breaths while laughing. "So I pick her up, take her in the shower and wash her hair, and I'm like…holding her up the entire time…"

"Nice…" Flip commented.

"…and she sobers up some in the shower. So I dry her off, and I'm like 'Bella, I'm gonna go. Can you dry your hair and get ready?' and she says 'yes'. So I leave and come back like 30 minutes later, and she's…and she's naked still and sitting in the floor again with her legs straight out and her feet up against the sink with her…her hairdryer propped in between her knees, blowing in her face…." Alice took a minute to compose before continuing. "And I'm…I'm like, 'Bella? What are you doing?' and she's got like this big fucking grin on her face, and she's like, 'I was cold.'"

We all laughed at Alice's stories of drunk nights while living with Bella and Rosalie all the while still standing on the front porch. Most everyone scattered after Alice and Bella's 'show' but some of us hung around outside on the front lawn still, re-telling stories of college.

"…And I'm like, 'No shit…you're as naked as the day you were born!'…"

Bella was somewhere inside or out back because I hadn't seen her since she flipped everyone off after giving us a peek at what she was sporting underneath her shirt. I guessed that the ignoring/avoiding was back in full effect which at the moment didn't bother me because I still felt close to her by just talking about her and laughing while her best friends told somewhat intimate and personal stories about her.

It was all so abundantly clear how closer they all were, and even how close that had become to me over the years. Alice and some of the other girls talked about me and Bella a lot, and there was even this one story about how we all went to California for spring break (the year after the whole Jacob incident), and apparently Bella and I took a shower in Emmett and Rosalie's bathroom of the condo (well, when I say 'took a shower,' I really mean we had sex in their shower) after stepping over a passed-out-drunk Rosalie who had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor while getting ready in nothing but a towel with her straightener in her hand. So when she finally came to and started to wake up, she realized the shower was running, and she heard Bella's voice…uh, moaning. 'Bella? What the fuck?' she yelled then shouted at her for not waking her up. Bella apologized and said that she would be out in a minute. Well, Rose started getting agitated (imagine that) and told her to get out now.

'Uh…Rose…I'm not _alone_…' then still-drunk-and-post-orgasm-glow me, stuck my head around the shower curtain, smiling and says, 'Hi, Rose! Good Nap?' Well, she freaked the fuck out, yelled for Emmett who then bounds through the door of the bathroom, takes a look at the scene, narrows his eyes at me and says (and I quote), 'You better not have fucking jizzed on my loofa, motherfucker.'

Yeah, I'd say we're all pretty close.

Maybe a little _too_ close.

It was closing in on three in the morning, and it was starting to get really fucking cold outside so everyone decided to go back in the house. Someone turned off the music, so it was just lots of friends, standing around shooting the shit and catching up on what's been going on.

Minus mine and Bella's semi-fight and her super capabilities to not look or talk or even acknowledge me at all, it had been a pretty fun night. In fact, I can't remember ever having so much fun in my poor, lonely, disconnected life, but even thinking about that fact only led me to think about leaving which reminded me of how much it will hurt to one day be without all of them.

Especially _her_.

Carlisle, Esme and some of the girls who had come with Bella and some others decided to call it a night and leave so there weren't nearly as many people as the night progressed, still once we were inside the rooms seemed just as full.

Shally, Spence, Blake, Flip and I were walking down the stairs to the basement where all most everyone had moved to by the end of the night. Alice was still following us, talking our fucking heads off whenever I spotted _them_. Across the room, standing in a dark corner was Jacob and Bella.

Seth and Derrick were sitting a few feet from them; Seth was strumming on a guitar while Derrick sat next to him, talking to him and drinking and some of the time adding words to the simple guitar tune.

But it wasn't their exchange that made me freeze in place….instead, my blood ran thick and cold in my veins as my face lit up fire red with anger. Bella was leaning against the wall behind her with one of her feet propped on it casually. She was smiling and laughing all while he was leaned into her, his face only inches from her ear talking over the gentle strumming of Seth's guitar. But his hand…_oh_, his hand was on her. His left hand was next to her head, palm flat against the wall, but his right hand…

I zeroed in on it and snarled. _Her fucking hip_. His big, tanned, gi-normous hand was resting on her perfect little hip.

Her soft giggles broke my stare from his grasp on her and back to her face. She wouldn't even look at me, but she was laughing with _him_?

I wanted to claw my eyes out. I wanted to claw _his_ eyes out. I wanted to pee a circle around her to mark my territory.

The rush of rage that I felt was like a warm blanket that covered me completely; it ran all the way from the top of my head, down my neck, trickled over my arms, across my spine, moving over my legs and down to the tips of my toes. I felt betrayed…cheated on of some sort.

But I knew she would never. _Never._

Shoving as much anger to the side as possible, I got enough feeling in my limbs to put my feet forward. Suddenly, I was walking towards them, fists clenched and heart being squeezed from the outside in.

Then, I was in front of them.

Then, I was being blocked.

_Blake. _

Blake was there.

"What the fuck is going on here? You better take a big ass step back, motherfucker!"

I wanted to say something. But I just watched as Blake stood on his tip toes to get in Jake's face.

"Blake! Stop!" Bella protested, grabbing his arm.

Jacob's face was one of utter confusion, looking and eyes darting from me to Bella to Blake but ultimately settling on Blake. I wondered if this was even a tenth of the rage I felt three years ago, but all thought process, reason and logic was gone and all I wanted was her. And now her little games she had been playing with me all night long were no longer fun or cute or sexy. No, they were torturous and cruel.

Blake ignored her, not even flinching as her long nails dug into his elbow. "You better keep your goddamn hands off my boy's girl!"

"Oh my god! Blake!" Bella kept yelling.

Blake never wavered though as Jake turned around to walk away silently. "Yeah, go cry to your mama! She waitin' for ya!"

And yes, I was a possessive motherfucker who didn't want others putting their fucking hands on my things.

My long fingers wrapped their way around her tiny arm on their own accord. Then I was dragging…yeah, fucking dragging her behind me as I left the basement and went upstairs.

Her loud protests and shouts could not be heard through the roaring and ringing of fury and rage in my ears. She squirmed and tried pulling back, but it was no use. There was no stopping me at all. I might have felt her nails digging in my wrist around her arm, clawing and begging me to stop, but I could have been wrong. The hurt, however, I was sure of.

Finally in front of my destination, I yanked her into the small bathroom with me, shutting and locking the door after her.

"Edward! What-"

Her cries were muffled by my mouth on hers. I shoved her against the wall, knocking over a couple of framed pictures in my way, kissing her roughly and possessively.

I was growling, and I knew it but couldn't stop it. Nor could I stop my nonstop rambling in her mouth, saying over and over "Mine."

With my hands on her narrow hips and her back pressed firmly against the wall, I kept kissing her and kept kissing her. _Air be damned._ But she wasn't returning it. She was acting frustrated and pissed off; it was only spurring me on farther.

I was hearing moaning though, but I quickly realized it was my own throaty moans and not hers. Her hands were pushing against my chest, and her screams were muted into my mouth. And I was just becoming angrier and angrier by her lack of cooperation, response and reciprocation.

I snarled into her mouth. "Don't you know how…," _kiss_, "how fucking…" _kiss_, "insane you make me?" _Kiss _

No response.

"Huh?" I asked.

No response.

"Don't you?" I rubbed my erection into her stomach, hard and rough. It caused her to let out a strangled whine.

Still not parting from her lips, I let my hands move down her hips across her back then on her ass. I cupped her beautiful, sweet ass in my hands and lifted her effortlessly, forcing her legs to wrap around my waist with her back still joined on the wall. I moaned again at the new contact while she only grunted and made these delicious whimpering noises.

Holding her up with my right forearm, I raised my left hand and held her face, letting my fingers intertwine with her silk brown locks. My hand was big enough, and her head was small enough for my thumb to rub her jaw while my fingers gripped the back of her neck.

I felt her gold heels dig into my ass, causing enough pain for me to wince and for her to notice enough to giggle some against my lips. She was enjoying bringing me pain…if that didn't turn me on then I would have been fucking pissed. But it did, and I wasn't.

Her little hands were still pushing at my shoulders, and I began to wonder if she was getting tired; she was shoving me with quite a bit of force, but not nearly enough to stop me.

Her lips tasted and felt so good, even if they were tense and unmoving below my own. Her scent was intoxicating; nothing but cotton candy and…I don't know…peaches? It was fucking exhilarating. She smelled like pink ponies and puppies and clean laundry.

Then slowly, _god_, ever so slowly, her arms ceased on my shoulders and fell limp by her side. She relaxed immensely in my arms, and then there was movement. Her lips were moving. Yes, they were kissing me back.

"There you go, baby…"

Then, those same hands that had been pushing me away, wrapped around those same shoulders and pulled me closer, stroking the back of my hair.

_Fuck, that's nice._

"Edward…" she breathed into me. I smiled against her lips in complete and utter satisfaction.

Yeah, I've been kissed before. Yeah, ok, I admit; I might have been kissed a lot. But kissing Bella, holding Bella and just fucking _being _with Bella went straight to my erect cock.

_Yep. Definitely erect._

I chewed and bit and sucked on her bottom lip…uh, _roughly_, begging her to open her sweet lips so I could put my tongue inside her warm mouth because I knew how good it tasted, and I desperately wanted inside her…_he he_

She was making those same delicious whimpering noises that I've never heard her make before…or really anyone make, but it sounded like _sex_ which reminded me of sex which only made me think of sex with her…and _fuck_, I was hard.

But _Jesus_, when she finally did part her sweet lips to let my tongue in, I heard a chorus of Hallelujahs. We tongue-fucked each other over and over, tasting beer in each other's mouths but not really giving a fuck because it was kind of hot to not be able to tell where her mouth started and when mine stopped. It was all so intoxicating that it made me dizzy.

My hand that was against her face moved down her neck to her collarbone. Her skin was hot and felt moist from the little bit of sweat accumulating, and I knew she was hot from having my toasty body slammed up against hers but fuck, I was selfish. She'd just have to be sweaty.

I trailed my hand down her collarbone to her breast above her shirt. I felt her arch ever so slightly underneath my touch. My contact became hard and rough, and before I knew it…I was groping her like I fucking porn star, but she was loving it, making throaty moans against my mouth which made her chest vibrate under my fingers.

The first thought that came into my head was: _I'm grabbing Bella's boob._ _Shit yeah!_ The second was: _Damn, that's a big fucking boob._ Then the third was: _I wanna see this big fucking boob I'm grabbin'._

I had pretty much told myself over and over that having sex with Bella would probably be the most amazing experience of my life which was why I would never be able to actually do it. I would be scarred for life whenever I actually woke up from this dream. Not only would the whole encounter mean something totally different for her than it would for me, it would surely be the single most terrifying experience because we had "technically" had sex before, just ya know…not really with me.

_It's confusing. I know._

But because I was drunk, and everything is sexier when I'm drunk and my rational side doesn't exist, I made an executive decision to rub one out _on_ Bella if I couldn't do it _in_ Bella. I knew it was twisted, but _fuck_ this whole thing is twisted.

So after several minutes of some good old-fashioned boob groping, I released her breast and moved my hand back down to her ass, holding her up and firm against me.

"I wanna see your tits." _Yeah, I'm drunk and stupid. _"Please?" _And yeah, I'll beg if I have to. _

She pulled back a little, looking into my eyes with excitement and lust and with her lips red, swollen and a little wet. She giggled a little at me before her lips were on mine again. She muttered, "Counter," against them while gesturing with her hand to the small vanity against the adjacent wall. I practically sprinted to it which earned me a scream/giggle from her mouth which was only muffled against mine.

Once she was successfully propped up and almost eye-level with me on the counter, I pulled away and grabbed the hem of her pink shirt. I glanced up into her blue eyes briefly asking permission for my next action. Her smile was wide and beautiful as she lifted her arms wordlessly above her head so I could slip it off.

_Fucking cheetah._

Glorious fucking cheetah-covered breasts were greeting my cock with a smile and a wave.

_Hello, ladies._

Bella giggled suddenly, and I looked back into her eyes wondering if I was talking out loud but not really giving a fuck because truthfully, I would say it all to her face too…everyday.

But she only giggled some more and wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing those same glorious fucking cheetah-covered breasts against my chest and kissing me violently.

And then all of a fucking sudden, her precious body jutted out against mine, bucking her hips against my straining hardness. I almost came.

Then came those sex noises she loved to tease me with. She started sex-whimpering and mumbling, "Please…please…" into my mouth.

She bucked again…then again…and yep, I was definitely about to come.

I backed up some, moving my cock away from its best fucking friend in the world for a moment to gain some strength and clarity.

My eyes automatically strayed away from her face, down to her covered breasts. I stared at them waiting for either my Superman powers to kick in so I could will this offending clothing out of my fucking way or I could have been waiting of Genie to grant me my dying wish or being able to hold those God-given 8th wonders of the fucking world.

"Are you going to take it off or do you need help?" she asked, acting like a sarcastic bitch with a smirk on her face…still a little pissed off from the scene Blake and I caused in front of everyone.

_Sexy, angry bitch. Let me see you get real mad…_

I growled as I reached behind her; my hand fumbling in search of the clasp. There wasn't one.

She threw her head back, arching her back and whispering, "It's in the front."

_Fuck._

I quickly unclasped it from the front, watching it fall away effortlessly from her body. Yep, almost came again.

Her chest was heaving, bouncing her breasts slightly with each deep breath. Her pink, rosy nipples grew darker and tighter right before my eyes as the air assaulted them. My hand rose from my side, and I so desperately wanted to grope her again, but I was uncharacteristically nervous all of a sudden. So my hand detoured to her hip while my mouth laid gentle kisses on her neck down to her bare shoulder. I licked at the little dip in her skin that laid between her collarbone and shoulder. She moaned while her hips rose up and out slightly, searching for mine.

Slowly, I moved my hand upwards, caressing her ribs and the side of her stomach before searching out and finding her big, taut breast. Her skin was as smooth as silk as my fingers kneaded it. I was trying to be gentle, but really all I wanted to do was grab, pinch and grope her until it fell off. She was whimpering still, and I silently wondered if she would let me record that sound on my phone for whenever she texted me, called me or maybe even for my alarm in the mornings.

My thumb moved across her hard nipple, making her shiver and softly squeal. I looked up to smile at her quickly before I leaned down and took it into my mouth. _Oh, Jesus_. I flicked the peak with my tongue then sucked and nibbled while listening to her moans and sex-whimpers.

"Ed-Edward…_oh, god_…" she whined.

I stepped in between her legs, and with my free hand that wasn't attached with a death grip on her boob, I grabbed her ass and scooted her until she was on the edge of the counter. I pressed my pant-covered cock against her middle while never parting my lips from her breast. She made louder, throaty moans as she moved against me, grazing the top of her pussy against my belt.

I switched breasts quickly not wanting the other one to get too jealous and feel left out. I kept kneading her boobs as I licked and sucked and pinched with my lips, teeth and tongue at her magnificent nipples.

Her sex-whimpering became louder and more forceful as her hips sped up against my cock, grinding and working small circles around the hardness. Her fingers were scratching and pulling my hair; it was sort of hurting but in a good _sort of_ way.

Then, she did something that will forever be burned into my brain because I will never fucking forget it as long as I live…

She unlocked her legs from around my waist, taking each foot and resting it on the counter along each side of her waist. The heels of her shoes were locked against the countertop with her toes pointing downward. Her knees were bent unnaturally close to her shoulders and mine.

_Fuck, she's so flexible. _

Bracing herself with her hands behind her, she bucked her crotch against mine once…twice…three times…

Then with my mouth and hands still attached her boobs, she suddenly stiffened completely. Her body tensed as all of her movement and whimpering came to a stop. I raised my head up to look into her eyes, wondering if I had hurt her or done something wrong.

But her eyes were closed and her mouth was open in a silent scream and then…_oh_, then she was shuddering. Wave after wave of jolts and quakes made her body tremble underneath me. After her tremors and shivers subsided, her eyes opened, and she smiled at me.

"Did you-" I started. _Naw, she didn't. Did she?_ "Did you just _come_?"

A little boob grabbing and tongue-fucking made Bella come? _Go me!_

It was the first time I had seen Bella blush, but she did. And it was gorgeous.

She didn't respond. Instead, she leaned forward, capturing my lips and started with the tongue-fucking again.

I moaned as one of my hands kept grabbing her boob while the other latched itself around her thigh, thrusting her hard against me with each shove of my cock.

_One shove. Two shoves. Two and a half…yep, I'm done._

I murmured her name over and over as my orgasm ran through my body like a cold chill. I thrashed my hips around in a not so attractive manner as I came in my pants and against her covered poon. It was the best orgasm of my life and haven't even been inside her.

"Oh, baby…" I breathed, resting my forehead against hers. She was still flushed with swollen lips and a slight shine of sweat on her neck and collarbone. "You're so beautiful…" She smiled as she let her legs fall and her hands cupped my face. "…especially when you _come_."

She giggled and kissed me quickly before pushing me back gently so she could hop down from the counter. When she bent down to pick up her bra, I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her bare stomach, lifting her up and pressing her naked back against my chest.

I hummed against her neck, taking in the sweet scent of her hair. She giggled again.

"Baby…" she said.

"Hmm?"

"I need to put on my shirt."

I kissed the sensitive spot below her ear then whispered, "You never need to wear a shirt again…"

I fondled her breasts a little, causing her to squeal and laugh and try to run away from my grasp that I held around her body.

"So you want me to walk out there topless?" she asked.

"Err…no." I let go of her and slapped her ass when she bent down again. While she put her bra and shirt back on, I inspected the damage that had been done inside my shorts.

Fuck, it was sticky and gross, and it was even seeping through the fabric leaving a big, wet stain in the front.

"Oh fuck, that's nasty," I said, grabbing some toilet paper and starting to clean up as much as I could inside my boxers.

Bella suggested that I un-tuck my button-up shirt from my shorts so it would cover up the stain. Luckily, she was right, so at least I wouldn't have to walk around the rest of the night with my dry-hump orgasm evidence sitting on the outside of my pants like a bull's-eye to my cock.

Before I reached for the doorknob to leave the bathroom, Bella grabbed my hand and squeezed. I turned around and looked at her; she was smiling shyly at me and looking a little uneasy.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked, stroking her still flushed cheeks with the backs of my fingers.

"Um, I'm sorry about earlier. Ya know, about Jake and everything. That was kinda lame of me." Her voice sounded small and soft, not like her usual tone at all.

"Oh, baby. It's okay. I'm sorry about everything I said before. I was an asshole."

She looked at her shoes and whispered, "I know."

And just like that, we were both stone, cold sober and not at all on our high from both of our orgasms. She seemed sad and regretful which made my heart twist in my chest and plummet to my stomach.

"What's wrong, Bella? What are you thinking?"

I took both of her hands into mine, rubbing my thumbs along the outside of them until she looked at me.

She lifted her shoulders in a shrug and shook her head slightly at the same time. She looked so torn and unsure…two things that Bella never was.

I leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Please tell me, love."

"I don't know…" she shrugged again. "Sometimes I feel like you…"

Her voice was low, making it almost impossible for me to hear her.

"Like I what?"

She let out a long, deep breath and said, "Like you're about to disappear or something…"

And so, I told her the only reassurance that I could…the only thing close to the truth but also it was still apart of the lie that I was holding from her.

"Bella, my life would suck without you."

The true meaning, depth and honesty of those words would, surely, forever haunt me.

* * *

**A/N: So everyone keeps asking about the heartfail and angst that just seems inevitable in the story. Unfortunately, I can't give you any reasurrance, but please realize that this will have a HEA. But they will be going through a lot to get there. ;)**

**'Preciate you!**


	11. Accuse

**A/N: Hello, again. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. Your sweet words are really too much for this little story. Thank you for sending me to over 100 reviews for the last chapter. I really don't put myself out there that much, so I'm really proud of that accomplishment. **

**I'm not all that proud of this chapter. It was difficult and didn't really end the way I wanted it to, but we'll get there. It sets the ball rolling for the next phase of the story. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 10: Accuse

_Pain._

With one eye opened, I groaned and clutched my head with a massive headache roaring in my eyes making them burn and my eyebrows come together in agony. My throat was unnaturally dry, and my breath tasted like seven cans of shark shit. I blinked several times, letting my poor, hung-over eyes get adjusted to the light. I think I could actually hear my eyelids blinking. It was _ungodly _loud; too loud. I groaned again.

"_Fuck_…" I said out loud, still clutching my head. My voice sounded rough and pained…a definite reflection of how the rest of me felt.

When my eyes were finally well-adjusted and not quite as pained by the sunlight, I scanned the room.

_Where the fuck am I?_

I was on a couch; that much I was certain, but a foot was in my face…a brown loafer with a small tassel on the toe.

_Blake. _

My first thought was to praise the Lord that I was still dreaming in Seattle; but my second thought was still to wonder where the fuck we ended up last night.

I followed the tan loafer, down the hairy, skinny leg, to the khakis shorts and navy polo and finally to the sleeping face of Blake himself who was leaned on the other side of the couch with his arms crossed over his chest, sleeping soundly with my own feet next to his head.

I gave Blake's foot a hard shove in order to force his nasty, reeking feet out of my face. His foot fell to the floor as he grumbled tiredly, squinting his eyes in my direction.

"_Dude_…" he groaned, somewhat hoarse.

"You're feet were in my fucking face."

He didn't reply as he rubbed his eyes, yawning a little and sitting up with his back leaned against the arm of the couch. I mirrored his movements to sit up, and when I did, my stomach churned automatically making me want to vomit.

"Oh man, don't throw up on my feet. Seriously…" Blake said. I suppose my face showed my nauseous feeling. My head felt like it was swimming, as did my stomach.

I glanced around the room and quickly recognized the Omega house including the living room where we were. My eyes roamed around the room, recognizing Shally asleep on the floor in between Flip and Spence all of whom were shirtless, and hopefully at least had some sort of clothing on under the blankets on top of all three of them. On the adjacent couch was Feltman and Jasper, snuggled up with Feltman's head resting on Jasper's chest. In the two, identical wing-back chairs in the corner of the room was Seth and Jake, laid-out in seemingly uncomfortable positions and both still clutching Solo cups while snoring. And lastly, on the opposite wall from Blake and I was another couch with Emmett and Derrick sleeping/cuddling. Emmett was wearing Rosalie's dick-veil from last night on top of his head while grasping her wand in his right hand and the tip of the light-up-penis on the end of it effectively shoved up Derrick's left nostril.

_Jesus._

"_Damn_…" Blake voiced, softly chuckling from beside me. I only nodded and moved once more to sit up, causing my stomach to churn again this time making my mouth water and my throat to rumble. "Edward…seriously…you better not fucking throw up on me, man…"

I launched off the couch, bounded down the hallway and barely made it to the bathroom before I vomited. After gargling some water and washing my face, I felt immensely better. Making my way back to the living room, I began to hear voices and assumed everyone was beginning to wake up.

Blake suggested that I call Bella and beg her to come pick us up. I did, but she wasn't too thrilled about it especially when she wasn't feeling too good either. She was definitely a little cranky when I called, but she relented and finally agreed.

When she pulled up to get us in her white Jeep Wrangler, Blake, Jasper, Emmett and I got in while the others said they would call for their own rides to their houses and hotels where some were staying from out-of-town for the wedding the coming weekend. Bella was dressed in a sun dress with her hair pulled up high in a side ponytail and Ray Bans over her eyes. It was almost irritating how perfect she looked even after a long night and early morning of drinking heavily.

She barely glanced at me when I climbed into the passenger seat, and she didn't even seem to take notice at all of my hand resting on her thigh the whole way home. The conversation about last night's events caused laughs and snickers from everyone in the car except Bella. When we were alone later on that night, I asked her if there was something wrong or maybe if I had done something to upset her. She nonchalantly said that nothing was wrong. I didn't believe her.

This continued for the next three days.

She was, just like during the party, deliberately and blatantly ignoring me. Sure, she would acknowledge me when I asked her a direct question, but even then her answer would be one word and purposely snarky and sarcastic at times but only to me.

My mom picked up on our heated exchanges and was the first to ask me about it. I told her that we were just having a small fight, and Bella was a little mad at me but there was really nothing to worry about. She told me to get me head out of my ass (exact words from Esme) and fix it pronto. If it was only as simple as that…

On Wednesday (Day 4 of the torture), I asked Bella out on a date. Yes, it was going to be my first '_official'_ date with Bella. Her eyes showed a little spark and a small sign of life when I asked her if she would go out with me, but she quickly recognized her excitement and masked it quickly with a small shrug and an 'I guess'.

She got ready at my house in my bathroom like always. Even though we were "fighting", Bella still stayed with me every night which I was extremely grateful for but never told her directly. I hated to admit even to myself how her presence next to me in bed had begun to calm me and comfort me in ways that I wasn't ready to recognize yet. Plus, the feel of her small, but warm body in my arms at night was something that I had become accustomed to which was a luxury that I was not yet ready to part with.

I was waiting on her patiently down stairs while talking to Blake, Alice, Esme, Carlisle and Jasper when Bella came down wearing the smallest red dress that I had ever seen. Her hair was worn down and curly with the ends coming just below the top of the strapless dress. The dress was skin tight and came well-above mid-thigh on her. She was clutching a small silver purse under her arm and with her other hand, holding a silver, shiny jacket that matched her tall, glittery high-heels.

Everyone was silent when she entered. All conversation was completely forgotten.

"_Jesus, Mary and Joseph_…" Jasper breathed from beside me, effectively causing Alice to rib him in the stomach. But she recovered quickly and smiled proudly at Bella with a slight nod of satisfaction and understanding.

"_Christ on a cracker_…" Blake said at the very moment that I also said…

"_Mother of God_."

Carlisle only cleared his throat and adjusted the loosened knot of his tie while Esme stood and padded over to Bella, giving her a kiss on the cheek and a squeeze of her hand.

"You look very lovely, dear," Esme said, beaming at Bella. "Excuse me if I don't take the Lord's name in vain, but you do look very beautiful."

Bella laughed with a slight pink approaching on her cheeks. Her eyes locked with mine while I stood slowly from the couch and made my way to her feeling the gravitational pull that always seemed to lead me to her. Esme whispered something in her ear which made her giggle and nod before my mother walked away, leaving us to stare hungrily into one another's eyes.

"You leave me without words," I whispered while stroking her cheek with the back of my fingers. For some reason, I was nervous to touch her and grab her the way that I so desperately wanted to, maybe in that moment she felt fragile and delicate more so than before.

She smiled sort of sad-like and casted her eyes downward away from me.

"_You and I such a pretty thing. Smile, smile, you know you thrill me. Cross your heart and hope to die. You know I'd love to_…" I said in a whisper to her which elected her to look back into my eyes and smile a much truer smile. It hurt me some that Dave could make her smile like that, yet I lacked the ability.

We said our goodbyes to my family, and after a few dirty, inappropriate jokes about Bella from Blake, we left in my Range Rover.

The ride was silent except for the light, soothing music that played. I held her hand in her lap the entire way and watched as she concentrated on the movement of our fingers that twisted and caressed each other's together in a harmonious dance. Our fingers never stilled as we kept up this routine of tickling and touching in a melodious pattern. Every so often, I would catch her gazing at me in my peripheral vision, but as soon as I would acknowledge it she would look away back down at our dancing fingers.

I was suddenly anxious and nervous around her and unsure of what to say or do, for the first time. She had caused me to become apprehensive and feel inexperienced. I never thought that this would really feel like an actual first date, but now it was beginning to. Then, I was sweating.

After a long, strenuous 20-minute drive, we arrived at my favorite Italian restaurant in Seattle called _Ricatoni's_. Bella seemed to recognize it and smiled while we checked my car with the valet and asked about our reservations. The inside held an intimate setting with high-back, round booths that were all U-shaped instead of tables and chairs with small track lighting around the restaurant which created a dark, yet romantic atmosphere around us.

I was still nervous and sweating while Bella and I were guided to our booth by some guy in a suit who I had caught ogling Bella's ass ever since we walked in. I slipped a possessive hand around her waist while walking beside her and leading her to our table.

I let her slip into the booth first while I scooted in after her, and when I wasn't as close as she wanted me, she moved in tighter to me until our legs were mashed together. This surprised me at first, with this being the most attention she had showed me in four days, but I didn't let her see it as I smiled in return to her and looked at the menu.

After ordering one of their most expensive bottles of red wine and our entrees, we rested our backs against the soft, plush cushion of the booth behind us. I snaked my arm around her until I was tickling the soft skin of her arm, and she was leaning into me slightly and smiling with her hand on my thigh.

"Charlie will be in tomorrow night," she said, making circles in my thigh with her index finger gingerly.

"Is he staying with us?" I asked while casting my eyes downward to watch her ministrations on my thigh along with her.

In the corner of my eye I saw her shake her head. "He's going to stay at my apartment, and Renee and Phil are getting a hotel room."

I nodded, thinking about my hesitation and nervousness to be around her family for the first time especially since they obviously already knew me quite well.

I rubbed my hand against the smooth skin of her arm. "Are you going to be staying with him at your apartment?"

I saw her raise her head to look at me with surprise. Mirroring her movements, I watched her eyes turn from surprise to hurt. "I will if you want me to."

"Well, hell no, I don't want you to," I laughed. "I just wondered if Charlie would feel weird knowing you're shacking with me all the time."

She smiled a little, ceasing her finger's movements on my thigh. "Is that what I am to you? A shacker?"

I threw my head back in deep, throaty laughter and shook my head. "Definitely not."

I really wanted to ask her why she even kept her apartment. I certainly had no idea where it was located so I most definitely had never been there over the past two weeks, and there was only one or two times that I could recall Bella ever going there to get things aside from the bachelorette party. And over the past two weeks, we had basically lived together, so I had to ask myself 'why'? Why had we not discussed moving in together?

"I remember the first time I shacked with you," she said, regaining her stride in making the circles on thigh.

"You do?"

She nodded with a smile, still looking down. I sat quiet for a minute, hoping she would talk about the story. If I hadn't been such a sissy and worried desperately about what she would think if I just came out and asked her about it, then I definitely would have. Instead, I waited…hoping.

Finally, still smiling, she told me the story. "We weren't having sex yet, but we were…ya know…" she raised her eyebrows with a grin. "_together_." I laughed softly and nodded. "You were living at the frat house at the time, and I think, it was like our third official date or something. You asked me if I wanted to come in for a little bit, and I was just…_so_ happy, and we ended up just talking until really, really late at night, remember? So, in the morning when I was walking out before you were awake yet…in the same clothes from our date the night before…it seemed like _everyone_ was downstairs. They _all_ had something to say, even your 'sweet' brothers…" she laughed.

I chuckled along with her, just thinking about the shit she probably had to endure from all those guys especially Blake and Emmett.

"I was so surprised that you even gave me the time of day at all…" she said, frowning slightly.

I squeezed her shoulder, taking a sip of my red wine. "Why would you _ever_ think that?"

"Because of Tanya," she whispered.

"What about Tanya?"

"She was just so…I don't know…" her voice was soft and insecure. "Nothing like me?" It seemed like a question.

I frowned, wondering to myself what this Tanya chick was like and how in the world _anyone_ could ever make Bella feel insecure. I kissed her brow, stopping beside her face to smell her cotton candy scent since I had become addicted to the flavor and the way she wore it; and because if I could, I would bathe in it, roll around in it, eat it, use it for deodorant and maybe even wash my car with it.

"What do you mean, baby?"

"Well, I mean…she was tall and blonde and had straight hair with those like…ridiculous red, manicured nails. Plus, she was, ya know, like one of those high-class, city girl. The opposite of me."

I suddenly realized that Bella's confident and secure demeanor was actually not at all how she actually saw herself; evidently, she did not see herself clearly.

"Is that what you think I wanted?" I asked, leaning close to her face still. Her blue eyes looked to be almost midnight indigo in the dark light of the restaurant.

She lifted her shoulders slightly up then relaxed them back down, looking away from my stare. I tilted her head upwards with my index finger, causing her breath to audibly catch and for her to gaze at me with a need for me to clarify the way I felt about her…something I still was not ready for.

"Bella, I like that you're kinda short. I like your brown, curly hair. And I definitely love your black nails." I smiled at her little hand that was resting in my own with her black, rocker nails still enacted. I really didn't want to admit to her how much those nails actually drove me mad with desire…how fucking sexy and badass they looked on her delicate fingers. "And I definitely love that you're a small town girl." _Who never acts small town…_

I didn't tell Bella how perfect I thought she was, though I wanted to. I didn't voice out loud to her how almost irritatingly perfect everything she did, wore, said, _everything_ was _perfect_. Even her fucking Jeep Wrangler seemed to fit her as well as me perfectly. I wondered to myself if I didn't tell her all these things because secretly I was afraid that if I did, it would mean heartache for me later on, maybe even much later on when I had to ultimately leave her. Thinking about how perfect she was _for me_, and not just perfect in general, made me ache with hurt for our eventual but still indefinite doom.

Even the thought caused me severe pain.

She was smiling at me, and then in the next moment she was kissing me like we were the only two people in the crowded room of the restaurant. I felt like I hadn't kissed her in years, when it had only been days. It was like being dry from 40 days in the desert…it was what I needed to survive. I hungered and longed for her kiss and her taste. It was clear to me that at least for tonight, Bella was letting her guard down and opening herself up to me more than she had in days. I felt whole again somehow.

That thought, too, caused me severe pain.

I kissed her back with as much fervor and eagerness as I could, while letting our tongues dance together in one another's mouths. With my one arm around her and massaging the soft skin of her shoulder and my other hand holding hers in her lap, I moaned into her mouth while her free hand stroked my cheek as we kissed.

I could have never stopped. I could have bent her over the table and taken her right then, but none of that would have been right. She deserved so much better than that, so when we heard a throat clear beside us, I was somewhat pleased for the interruption of our food being brought out.

The rest of dinner was…in one word: easy. It was without any amount of effort that our conversation flowed with ease and without any reluctance or reservations at all. We laughed at each other and joked with each other like we had been doing it for years, and then I remembered that really…we had. We had been together for years. We had been laughing and loving each other for years.

But it had only been two weeks for me, and I was still learning and still trying desperately _not_ to fall in love with her…and failing miserably at that.

Everything she did drew me in. I loved that she only drank red wine like me. I loved how she smiled and would always be attentive to show immediate gratitude to the waiter every time he came by our table or brought us anything. I loved how she shut her eyes when we laughed hard enough to warrant a response. I loved how she shoved me lightly when I teased her, and how she would tease me back just as much. I loved how she rubbed her foot against my leg under the table which she seemingly didn't realize she was doing. I loved how she made these sex-moaning noises when she first tasted her food then immediately insisted that I taste it also. Everything about her made me want to love her, and I fought helplessly against doing just that.

When I paid our bill, I asked her where she wanted to go or do now. I was somewhat at a loss as to where to take her or where she would like to go, not really being certain of what a normal date between the two of us entailed.

"Hmm…" she pretended to think about my answer, tapping her chin with her index finger and looking upwards. "We haven't been to our spot in awhile."

I could feel my blood run cold in my veins. Something that made her face light up and a smile spread happily across her lips, made my brow grow hot and moist and my heart stop and plummet to the bottom of my stomach. Sensing my hesitation and uncertainty, her face fell.

"I mean…we don't have to if you don't want to…it was just-just an idea."

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it slightly. "Of course I want to go, baby." I tried to smile, but it felt all wrong. "Which spot were you talking about?"

Her smile returned but this time it was more cautious and timid. "You know. Our spot next to Bell Street Pier."

Five and a half Dave Matthews' songs, four wrong turns and twenty minutes later, we arrived at Bell Street Pier which I had only been _maybe_ three or four times as a kid. Bella pulled me along as we walked hand-in-hand along the lights of the pier, tasting and smelling the salty sea air. Bella always had this funny-way of holding my hand. It was the only way she ever held my hand when we walked together. Our pinkies were intertwined in between our first two fingers (in-between the ring fingers). At first, it felt weird and totally unnatural to hold someone's hand like that, but now it felt secure and comforting and just…us. It was now the only way I could ever imagine holding her hand.

As we walked along the pier passing other couples in the night air which held a warm sea breeze, I watched Bella who looked so content and happy and beautiful that it made my heart swell, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her. She looked like she walked right out of a magazine in that dress and those shoes which caused everyone even women and children that we passed to stop and get sucked into her spell. But she would only smile and act totally unaffected and unaware of their obvious attention to her.

I was without a doubt the luckiest man who ever had been given a gift; a gift that I didn't know to ask for.

She pulled me to the railing at the end of the pier, stopping to drape her arms casually over the side which allowed me access to slip my arms comfortably around her waist, pulling her back against my chest. I felt her torso expand then contract in a sigh as we looked out into the array of ships coming into port and the lights that lit up in the darkness.

I rested my chin on her shoulder, snuggling close to her when I felt her shiver after a gust of wind. "Are you cold," I breathed against her neck, relishing the scent and smoothness of her delicate skin.

"Mmm," she hummed. It was such a contented sound, one that I had not heard all week. "I'm not whenever you hold me."

"Then, I'll try to never let go." _If she only knew…_

She moved her head to the side to bring her face to mine for a gentle kiss. All I could think about was how I never wanted it to end. This girl…this _beautiful_ girl made me want to stay and give up everything I had accomplished just to be with her. And I would do it willingly.

She tasted like the wine we shared and the chocolate mint that she took from the restaurant. I felt drunk even though I'd only had one glass of wine. She was so intoxicating though, I couldn't tell the difference.

"Will you dance with me please?" I asked her.

"There's no music."

I smiled. "Sure there is."

I brought my arm around her waist with my fingers splayed across her lower back while my other hand clutched hers at our side. I leaned in as close to her as I could with our chests pressed together. Then, I started to sing softly in her ear.

_Pick me up, oh, from the bottom  
Up to the top, love, everyday  
Pay no mind to taunts or advances  
I take my chances on everyday_

Left to right  
Up and down, love  
I push up love, love everyday  
Jump in the mud, oh  
Get your hands dirty with  
Love it up on everyday

All you need is  
All you want is  
All you need is love.  
All you need is  
What you want is  
All you need is love.

Everyday  
Everyday  
Oh, Everyday...

Pick me up, love, from the bottom  
Up onto the top, love, everyday  
Pay no mind to taunts or advances  
I'm gonna take my chances on everyday

Left to right  
Up and up and inside out right  
Good love fight for everyday  
Jump in the mud, mud  
Get your hands filthy, love  
Give it up, love  
Everyday

All you need is  
All you want is  
All you need is love.  
All you need is  
What you want is  
All you need is love.  
Oh...

What you've got  
Lay it down on me  
What you've got  
Lay it down on me

All you need is  
All you want is  
All you need is love.  
All you need is  
What you want is  
All you need is love.

Everyday  
Everyday  
Oh, Everyday...

Pick me up love  
Lift me up love  
Pick me up love  
Everday...

Up from the bottom, everyday  
Up to the top love, everyday  
Pick me up love  
Lift me up love  
Pick me up love  
Everyday

She felt so tiny and fragile in my arms as we swayed to the quiet words of my a cappella. Her eyes were shut as her head rested against my chest over my heart. I wondered what Dream Edward would say in a moment like this. I wondered if he would tell her how much he loved her. Would he promise her forever? I wondered if he would say to her all the plans he had for their life together. I wondered if she was disappointed that I would not say those things. I hoped not.

I kissed the top of her head and stopped our movements when the song was over…when the only nice words that I had for her ceased and ran out. She smiled up at me, and if she was disappointed by me, she didn't show it.

"Bella…" her name meant so much to me. Just saying it made the world bearable even for me.

She looked at me expectantly. I should have told her I loved her. I should have promised her the moon and the stars and the seasons and the mountains and the winters and rivers and all the things that I wished I could give her.

Instead, I gave her only what I could allow.

"You make me so happy."

_It's lame. But so am I._

But she smiled. "You make me happy too."

"Sometimes, I feel like you aren't happy, though. These past few days…you seem so distant from me."

She nodded against my chest, looking down at our feet. We embraced with her arms around my waist and mine around her back. I wanted to look into her eyes, but I understood why she wouldn't look at me.

She didn't respond to my comment. I desperately wished that she would, but she didn't. Again, I understood though.

"Let's go home, Edward."

I nodded and took her hand in our usual pinkie-clasp as we walked to my car. It had started raining pretty hard on the way home, so the ride took somewhat longer than it should have.

"I think we might have the house to ourselves tonight," Bella commented as I pulled onto our street.

"Oh really? That never happens."

She laughed and nodded. "I know. Carlisle couldn't get out of a late shift in Forks so he and Esme went back for the night. Alice and Jasper are staying at her place tonight, and Emmett, Rosalie and Blake went to pick up Rose and Blake's parents."

I only nodded in response. I knew a lot of our families would be arriving soon for the wedding and staying through the weekend. Our house was only becoming more and more cramped. Space was limited even in our fairly large house, so a night where it was only Bella and I to occupy it was few and far between.

When I pulled into my usual parking spot in the driveway, I realized how far we would have to run in the rain. It was quite a downpour, and I hated for Bella to run in her beautiful heels.

"Looks like we're going to be making a run for it," she said, smiling.

"Yep. Want me to carry you?"

She laughed. "I can manage."

"Okay. On the count of three," I said, reaching for the door handle. I waited as Bella grabbed it too while locking eyes on me, waiting. "Ready?" She nodded, still smiling. "1…2…3!"

We opened our doors at the same time and fled the car. The rain seemed to be coming down harder than before as I ran to the front porch, fumbling with my keys so I could have them ready to unlock the front door. I felt my shirt cling to chest and my shoes fill with water which was already slipping through to my socks. I heard Bella's laughter and squeals behind me as I finally reached the front door.

I turned around to wait for her before opening the door, but she was still in the rain, bending at the waist to take off her shoes which were only hindering her attempts to run. Once she was freed from the shiny heels and holding one in each hand, she ran barefoot up the walkway to the house and up the stairs to the porch.

I unlocked the door and left it open for her until she was inside and dripping wet in the foyer. She stopped and leaned against the wall as I shut the door and locked it back. When I turned back around the face her, she was still leaning on the wall for support as her exposed chest which was wet with raindrops glistened and heaved from running. She was smiling and panting as she watched me move to stand against the opposite wall from her which wasn't very far.

She looked magnificent, wet and breathless in front of me. Her chest, arms and legs were shining in the light from the window beside us which seemed quite radiant in comparison to the darkness of the rest of the house. Her hair was darker than usual because of the rain with some strands sticking to her neck and chest. My eyes followed her hair down to her chest where I could see the specific outline of her hardened nipples. I felt myself grow hard at the sight.

The only sound in the whole house was the sound of our labored breathing which was only heard faintly compared to the rain outside. I clenched my fists by my side while I watched her; eyes locked with mine. I so desperately ached to feel her.

"So pretty," she breathed so softly that it made me wonder if I had actually heard her correctly.

I looked into her eyes, wondering what she thought was so pretty. But she was looking back at me; her blue eyes never wavered from my gaze. I smiled. _She thinks I'm pretty._

I had always considered myself a strong, willful person. But watching her look at me with such desire and uninhibited lust was more than even I could take. So I took the appropriate two lungs towards her until I was pressed against her, kissing her with abandon. Her shoes and purse fell to the floor around us as she let them go to wrap her arms around my neck.

"I want you," she breathed into my mouth. I felt my cock stiffen even more in my pants which I rubbed against her. She must have felt it because she moaned, thrusting her hips against me.

"God, baby…you have no idea how bad I want you…" I mumbled back against her lips.

She whimpered in response, making those noises that she had in the bathroom at the frat house. My cock obviously recognized the noises and grew harder and harder every time she let them slip from her lips.

She fisted my hair while I pressed her back against the wall she had been leaning on, bringing one of her dampened with rain legs up to my waist and feeling the smoothness of her skin mixed in with the water running down them. She moaned and whimpered as I licked the water from her neck and chest. I felt her hands leave my hair to travel down to my chest where she began to work the buttons of my soaked shirt.

Her skin was cold and puckered with chill bumps along her neck all the way down to the top of her dress. I nipped and sucked at her exposed skin until she gently pushed me away to have my heavy, wet shirt fall down my shoulders and land with a loud "smack" against the hardwood floor of the foyer. Her hands were everywhere on my skin: along my neck, down my shoulders and arms, to my back and finally along my abdominal muscles. Her black nails thrashed at my clammy skin. I cried out in pain and ecstasy against the tops of her breasts while she giggled in my ear.

"I'm yours, baby…" she whispered, raking her nails into my back. "Take me."

I hummed in response, kissing her lips and pushing my tongue into her mouth. I felt little hands reach for my belt and push into my lower abdomen as my belt loosened. I brought my hands to rest on either side of her head, laying my palms flat against the wall. She pulled away from our heated kiss to watch her hands as she unbuttoned my pants and unzipped them.

I watched her the entire time while she pushed them down to my ankles along with my boxers, leaving me completely bare, erect and ready for her. Then, I continued to watch her as she locked eyes with me while putting her hands under her dress and bending at the waist to pull down then eventually step out of her black thong underwear that resembled a hair tie more than actual underwear.

When she rose to face me once again, her face held the strangest expression that I had seen on her yet. Bella had never been an open book to me. If anything, she left me bare-boned and begging to know more, but still…the expression on her face just then made me weak in the knees and fall in love with her that much more. She looked so innocent yet still passionate. She looked young and angelic yet still devilish and playful. She looked beautiful yet still sexy and alluring.

I wanted her more than words could express, more than I had ever wanted or needed another person before and even more than I was willing to admit. It would have been so easy. I could have just lifted her sweet little body up in my arms like I had that night at the frat house. Then I could have entered her and had her screaming and panting my name into the darkness and louder than the falling rain. I could have had her like that all night long and still not grown tired.

Yes, it would have been so easy.

"I love you, Edward. Please, _please_…"

And just like that…the trance from which she held me was broken. She had told me that she loved me and was now begging me to make love to her, and I should have been so happy and so ready to take everything that she was offering me. But instead, it all just frightened me and scared me like a child.

My hands fell from beside her head, and I backed away from her, bending down briefly to bring my pants and boxers back on and around my hips.

Her face fell, and my heart broke. She looked like she wanted to cry, and all I wanted was for her to know my secret and to understand the pain that it caused me to do this to her.

"I-I can't." The words I had for her didn't seem like enough. "I'm sorry." They were definitely not enough.

"What?" she asked softly while making a choking noise in the back of her throat. I knew she was about the start sobbing. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

"I can't. I'm so sorry." I had nothing else for her but those words that kept ringing in my ears.

"You can't what?" She was starting to sound angry. "Do you not want me?"

"What? Of course I want you! I want you _so_ bad." I buttoned my pants and refastened my belt. She was still standing against the opposite wall from me with her skin still shiny in the moonlight and her lips red and puckered. The skin around her neck and chest was red from the scruff along my jaw that had scratched her pale, delicate skin which also held a few faint bruises and red spots.

"Then why are you rejecting me?" Her tone of voice sounded like she wanted to yell at me and curse me, but she was still so hurt and on the verge of tears that her voice would not allow for too much intonation.

"I'm not rejecting you, Bella…" I wanted to say more, but she stopped me.

"Who is she?"

I paused a moment to repeat her question in my head. When I was fairly sure that I had no idea what she was talking about, I said, "What?"

"Who is she?" She repeated the question just like before.

"Who?"

"The girl you're fucking on the side." She said it like it was something she said to me every day, like she was telling me that she was about to go to the grocery store or telling me that she about to take a shower or telling me that she folded my clothes for me. She did not at all sound as if she was saying I was cheating on her.

"What?" Suddenly, I was just as pissed as she was.

"You heard me!"

"No, I don't think I did because it sounded like you were accusing me of cheating on you!" She crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at me like she was waiting on me to admit to my wrong doings. "Be serious, Bella."

"I _am_ being serious! If you're not screwing me then you're getting it somewhere else. And I'll tell you right now that I will _never_ be okay with it! You got me?"

"Is that what all this has been about?" I asked her. She looked at her feet and at that moment she seemed so small and frail to me. "Is that why you have been avoiding me all week?"

"I just don't get it, Edward," her voice cracked, and tears started to form in her eyes. "We haven't had sex in two weeks which is like a _lifetime_ for us. Then, tonight I dressed up in this fucking…tiny…uncomfortable…dress. And I basically throw myself at you, and you just…reject me. It's never been like this with us…_never_. And I've tried to figure out why, but I can't…and then, the only thing I could think of was that you must be seeing someone else…and-and two weekends ago you disappeared for the whole day. And you didn't tell me where you went and now…well, things haven't been right since then…"

She knew me better than I ever gave her credit for. This beautiful, wonderful creature wanted nothing more than for me to make love to her and tell her how much I loved her and just be the man that she had fallen in love with four years ago, but I couldn't. And now, she thought that not only did I not want her anymore, but that I was also sleeping with someone else entirely.

I stepped forward and placed both of my hands on her cheeks. She shut her eyes, and I watched as tiny tears trickled from her eyes and ran down her face onto my hands. Her bottom lip trembled slightly but enough for me to notice and for my heart to feel like it had been stabbed. Then, her deep blue eyes fluttered open, and she looked up at me like I held her whole world.

"Bella…I want you to listen to me for a second…" my voice dropped to a soft tone. "I have not and will not _ever_ cheat on you. You are all I want." Her bottom lip trembled again, and I realized that I had never seen her cry before. "Ok? You got me?"

I smiled a small, tentative smile after using her words. She simply shut her eyes again and nodded. I brushed away the tears on her cheeks and kissed along the wrinkles in her forehead. She still continued to sob quietly and cry onto my hands.

"Please, don't cry, baby. You don't know how it breaks my heart to see you cry," I breathed into her hair as I nuzzled her neck.

She say anything else, but I felt her kiss my shoulder and along my chest. Her hands moved back against my stomach and chest where she started the lightly scratch me and pet me. I felt a chill from her light touches run down my spine and give me chills bumps. I gently moved my hands from her face down to her hips where I pressed my body against hers once again.

I kissed her lips passionately and with need, tasting the saltiness from her tears but also the sweetness of her flavor. Her tongue rolled into my mouth and swirled around my own as she continued massage my back with her nails.

I reached behind her to search for the zipper of her dress. I felt all around her back but didn't find it.

"It's on the side," she whispered against my mouth.

"You always wear tricky shit."

I found the zipper and had to pull away from her mouth to figure out how to unzip it properly. She was right about the dress being tight, but using both of my hands; I unzipped it and watched it fall from her body to pool at her feet.

For the first time, Bella was completely naked in front of me. There was no barrier to keep me away from any part of her luscious, creamy, smooth skin. I knew I was starring at her…practically gaping at her with my lips parted. But damn, she was so beautiful that she made me ache.

"You are so…" I shook at my head and looked into her hooded eyes as she watched me intently.

She smiled but still seemed sad. "You act like it's the first time you've ever seen me naked."

"It seems like it is for me." I palmed her breast lightly and tentatively. "You're perfect. Absolutely perfect."

And she was. That was no lie.

She smiled and kissed me, clutching my hair and scratching my scalp. I moaned against her lips as my hand that wasn't gripping her breast traveled down her body to the spot between her legs.

She was bare; there was no trace of hair anywhere close to her sex. I moaned again at the feel of her wetness, slick and silky against my fingers. I made slow circles around her pussy, paying special attention to the small bundle of nerves at the tip of her sex. I felt her nipple harden against my hand, and I pinched it slightly while she arched her back against my touch and whimpered into my mouth.

"Does that feel good, baby?"

I pulled back from our kiss to watch her as she held her eyes shut tight and nodded with her head thrown back against the wall behind her and her lips parted, panting. I dipped my head to kiss, lick, nip and suck at her breast that wasn't being molested by my hand. I continued the steady, slow rhythm of my hand on her pussy as I felt more and more wetness pool in my hand and onto my fingers.

I slipped two fingers in her, causing her to suck in a breath quickly then cry out when I curled them upwards in her.

"Edward…" she chanted over and over in my ear while I pumped my fingers in her. She kept up her whimpering tone while still getting louder with her climax on the verge.

I pressed my thumb against her throbbing and swollen nub and then flicked it a few times until she did the very same thing she had done the other night when she came. Her whole body tensed and stood completely still as I felt her sex tighten and squeeze around my fingers. Then, just like before, her body quaked and shook with wave after wave of her climax as she came on my hand.

"There you go, baby," I whispered in her ear as I pulled my fingers out of her and rubbed quick, hard circles around her clit while she continued to quiver and tremble in her climax. Then, she came once again…crying out my name and shaking harder, so hard that I had to reach my other hand around her waist to hold her up.

When her waves subsided, she looked into my eyes once again. I smiled at her, somewhat smug and proud. Slowly, my smile diminished as a single tear ran down her face. I hadn't even noticed that she had been crying the whole time.

* * *

**A/N: The song was "Everyday" by who else but Dave Matthews Band. Good song. **

**Please don't hate me. Trust me when I say everything will work out in the end. My beta is about to kill me, and they know what happens...so I can just imagine how the rest of you feel. Links to pictures of Bella's dress on my profile. (Oh, and I added more pictures of what Bella looks like)**

**'Preciate you!**


	12. Unsaid

**A/N: Hello again! Links to Bella's outfits are on my profile. Let me know if they don't work. Thank you for your wonderful words. I'm so glad I'm not the only one enjoying this rollercoaster of a story. Angst alert! Get ready!**

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Unsaid

"_You've got your ball. You've got your chain tied to me tight. Tie me up again_. _Who's got their_ _claws in you, my friend. Into your heart I'll beat again. Sweet like candy to my soul. Sweet you rock and sweet you roll. Lost for you…I'm so lost for you_…"

The sweet singing was soft in my ear the next morning. It was Bella; and it was beautiful. I smiled without opening my eyes as I squeezed her body closer to mine in bed. I should have been the one singing to her while she woke up, but she was almost always awake before me. However, it was the first time she had ever done this, and it was refreshing.

"That's definitely my favorite Dave song even if it's everyone's favorite," I laughed still groggy with sleep.

"I know," she whispered.

_Of course she did. I'm such an idiot._

She then promptly extricated herself from my grasp and got out of bed, still completely naked, and ran into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. In the next moment, I heard the shower start.

I groaned and swiped my hand roughly over my face before lifting myself out of bed and going downstairs. Once I had made it to the kitchen, I started making breakfast and reading the newspaper. My body was going through the motions of everyday life, but my heart wasn't in it at all; I had left it upstairs with its other (better) half.

I was almost done with the newspaper even though I couldn't really remember anything I had read when Jasper and Alice came in.

"Hey!" Their greeting was both high-pitched and cheerful. I only wished that they would hurriedly recognize my mood and alter theirs in recognition.

"Hi."

"How was the date last night," Alice asked while sitting in the stool next to me on the kitchen island.

"The date was perfect," I told them, because it truly was.

Wordlessly, Alice laid Bella's dress, shoes and purse from last night on the table in front of me on the counter. I looked at the pile of clothes then at Alice's all-knowing smile and raised eyebrows. Jasper chuckled beside me.

"We found these in the foyer."

"Oh. Um…yeah, thanks." I smiled and felt my ears burn in a blush under Alice's observant gaze. "I'm so glad it was you and not Blake."

"So, I guess the date went really well then?" Jasper asked, fixing a plate of eggs and bacon from the breakfast that I had made

I opened my mouth, about to ask him if I could talk to him later whenever Bella's voice echoed from the next room.

"Hey, Edward? I'm going to my apartment for a little while. I need to…" she stopped whenever she saw all of us sitting around in the kitchen. "Oh, hey guys."

"Hey!" Alice was smiling, and she seemed so cheery, practically bouncing in her seat looking from me to Bella, back and forth. I believed she was getting the wrong impression of what had happened between Bella and I last night.

Jasper sat on the other side of me, digging into his food while Bella walked closer to us. "Um…I was just going to go to my apartment for a little while to clean up and get everything ready for when Charlie comes today…um, are those my clothes?"

Alice giggled and nodded vigorously as Bella leaned over the counter and looked down at the pile of clothes with her nose scrunched like she was peering over a dead body. She made no attempt to touch them or get too close, afraid the dead body might jump out and scare her.

"Oh…" She then blushed a beautiful red which matched the color of the dress she refused to touch which still laid in front of us all.

Jasper chuckled but never said anything as he kept eating.

"When will you be back?" I asked Bella who looked at me like she forgot I was even there.

"Um, I don't know. I'll probably wait over there for him, and we might go eat dinner or something later…"

I nodded but still frowned. I was hoping we would have time to talk or at least spend some time together tonight, even though we did every night. "Ok," was all I said though.

"I wanna come!" Alice shouted excitedly and stood up. "Jazz, do you mind?"

Jasper, with a mouthful of food, only waved his hand dismissively in a simple, wordless gesture.

"Are you still staying here tonight?" I asked, folding the newspaper back up and handing it to Jasper. I tried my best to seem as nonchalant and as indifferent to the possibility of her not coming home to me as I could, but I fooled no one.

When I looked back up, Bella was smiling at me, widely. She was incredibly beautiful today, as always. Her hair was down with large curls that hung down to her breasts. She was wearing a black, off-the-shoulder romper which I immediately regretted telling that she should buy last week because it was cut too low up top and cut too high on bottom, plus I wouldn't be with her all day to watch for any Bella-oglers which always seemed to be on the prowl.

"Of course," she answered, swinging her way over to me across the kitchen. I rotated around on the stool so she could stand between my knees. She flung her arms around my shoulders and kissed me only giving me a moment to prepare myself for her unprompted affection. I smiled against her lips as I snaked my arms around her slim hips, pulling her closer to my chest. Our kiss felt too short when she pulled away, still smiling. "We'll meet up with all of you at Mugshots later, okay?"

I nodded, leaning in and capturing her lips briefly again. "Promise me you'll be careful today."

"Why do I need to 'be careful' today?" she smiled, tracing the words on my t-shirt with her index finger.

"Because you look good enough to eat, and I won't be with you."

"The Chief won't let anyone get us."

"But still…promise me."

She rolled her eyes jokingly and kissed me once again before leaving my arms and walking out towards the door with Alice. "I promise!" she called over her shoulder. Alice kissed Jasper on the cheek, and then they were gone.

Jasper and I moved around in silence for a while. I was cleaning up the kitchen and putting everything in its proper place while he continued to eat and read the newspaper. Only when I gathered Bella's belongings from last night to take upstairs to my room did Jasper finally speak.

"How was the date _really_?"

I paused my movements and looked back at my brother who knew me all too well. "The date was wonderful, and then we came back here…and we were about to…_ya know_ but I stopped, and Bella was really…upset with me."

Jasper didn't say anything for a while. He kept his head down, and if I didn't know Jasper so well then I would assume that he wasn't paying any attention to what I was saying. But I knew my brother, and I knew he would respond to me in time.

When I turned to leave with Bella's stuff in my arms, he spoke. "Edward?" I turned around wordlessly waiting for him to continue. "Where have you been?"

I just knew. I just somehow knew what he meant. My brother had yet to ask me any questions about my before life, and now that he had I could no longer deny him. Denying him after he had done so much for me already would have been cruel when I trusted him above anyone else to keep this secret.

So…I told him everything. I told him everything about my old life…the life which I hadn't really thought much about in two weeks. I told him all about my job and my loneliness and even how I avoided him and everyone who ever really cared about me. I told him of my decision to go to Berkley and to become an attorney. I told him where I lived and worked. I even told him how different I was…what a completely different person I was all together.

I was surprised when he said he believed me. But I did not question it.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked him but didn't wait for a response. "Do you have any idea why I decided to become a music teacher?"

He sucked in a long breath then continued. "It was your junior year when you decided to change your major from law to music. Bella had just changed hers from nursing to secondary ed and English. She said it was because she felt like it was what she was always meant to do. The next day, you changed yours too." After everything I had considered, I had not even thought of Bella being the reason. But why not? She was the reason behind every other decision. "I don't think either one of you were sure where you were going until you found each other."

He was right. He was _so_ right.

"Edward, she knows something's up. I don't know how she knows, but she does. She knows something is definitely wrong."

I only nodded. I knew this.

"Has she said anything to you?" I asked. Maybe if she had then he would have known her theories.

But he shook his head. "She talks to Alice about it."

"I figured as much." I wondered if Alice was the only one that knew something was amiss. But then I thought that it really wouldn't have mattered anyway. It still hurt me some to know that she would talk to Alice about it but not me. "She thinks I'm cheating on her."

Jasper nodded, standing to clean his plate and put it away. "Alice told me. But I told her that was stupid. You'd never do that no matter what was really going on." He dried the plate and put it away in the cabinets before turning to face me while leaning against the marble countertop. "Do you know how long you have?"

"No."

"Maybe it's permanent."

I shrugged. "Maybe."

"Why don't you just tell her?"

"If it was Alice would you tell her?"

He looked at his feet, moving the soles of his shoes along the grout in between the tiles. Then after pondering my question, he lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "I don't know."

"I'm afraid she would look at me differently. She might would see me as someone else entirely, and I…I don't want that. I like that she sees me as the same guy from four years ago. I like…_god_, I like that she sees me as someone she loves and not as a stranger. How pathetic is that?"

"How pathetic is what?"

"That I want her to tell me she loves me even though I can't say it back? How _fucking_ pathetic is it that I won't make love to her even though she begs me, but I…I don't want her to stop begging. _Fuck_!" I tugged at the roots of my hair, loving the pain it caused me. "I just…I woke up one day, and there she was. I woke up, and everything was different. And…and I had a plan! Jazz, I had a fucking plan! I didn't ask for any of this!"

I could hear my shouting, but for some reason, it didn't sound like me. Had my voice changed?

"You know, at first…I think I was just trying to get by. I was pretending, sort of. But now…now…" my voice _had_ changed. I felt my throat close up, and my saliva running thick through my mouth. My stomach tightened, and suddenly I felt like I might be sick. "Now…all I know is that leaving her would kill me. Now, suddenly, _this_ life feels like the right one."

Jasper was looking at me with so much remorse and so much…pity. With him looking at me like that and with my stomach churning the way it was, I really felt sick. I was rapidly feeling dizzy and hot so I sat on the stool again but kept talking. I don't know why. Maybe it was making my body feel worse, but maybe it was also making my heart feel lighter.

"I'm so scared, Jazz," I said to him in a whisper.

But 'scared' didn't suffice. Scared, helpless, desperate, overwhelmed, unprepared, sad, plagued, miserable, self-loathing: all of these were mixed in my sea of apprehension and the unknown.

"Edward? Do you want to know what I would do if I were you?" he asked.

I rested my head inside my hands but still spoke, sounding muffled and almost inaudible, "What?"

"You need to make the best of it. You've obviously been put here for a reason. So, make the most of it. Love her, fuck her, do whatever you need to do. Hell, marry her while you can. Either way, you're going to lose her."

The thought crushed me. Hearing it, crushed me.

"You're right." But it still hurt to think about. "I just don't know how _'he'_ acted, you know? I don't know how to be _that guy_ for her."

Jasper chuckled and began to walk out the kitchen but stopped before he completely left, turning towards me one last time. "You know you're talking about you, right? Just be yourself, man. That's all you can do." He looked at the ground once more then back at me. "She fell in love with you. Not someone else."

Everyone came together by the end of the night for our usual Thursday night routine at Mugshots. But unlike our usual custom, this time, we had lots of guests. In attendance were Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Bella and myself along with mine, Rose and Alice's parents, Bella's father and both sets of our friends from the bachelor and bachelorette parties. The bar was packed to capacity for the first time ever on a Thursday, and everyone was having a great time.

Bella was…drunk. Yes, that was the only word to describe her. She was still beautiful and actually still quite poised, but her demeanor was silly and unrestrained while also lively and fun. She spent most of the night kissing my neck and grabbing my ass which I can't say that I didn't enjoy immensely and probably more than anyone should enjoy a little unwarranted affection, but in front of her father was somewhat…awkward. She didn't seem to care or even notice at all or at least if she did, she didn't show it.

"I'm about the lick the shit out of your neck," she whispered in my ear, casting her eyes to focus on the skin between my ear and the collar of my shirt. Her voice was soft as she breathed against me, but her whisper came out somewhat as a scream over the loud music and the conversations around the crowded bar. She was standing on her tip-toes to even reach my ear, and I had a grasp on her waist so she wouldn't stagger. "Not now. But soon…"

I laughed. "Thanks for the warning."

She sipped her Grateful Dead through a tiny red straw, looking up at me from under her thick eyelashes. "You're my best friend," she smiled, fingering the tiny straw with her index finger and thumb.

"I thought Alice was your best friend."

She shook her head back and forth several times, her hair lightly hitting her shoulders and her ringlets crashing in a swoosh against her back. "Nope," she said, popping the 'p' with her lips and taking another sip of her drink.

"Well, you're my best friend too," I smiled at her silliness and twisted a strand of her hair that was almost touching her waist around my fingers.

"I thought Blake was your best friend."

"No way." She giggled, sounding like bells ringing to my ears. Leaning in close to her ear and drawing back some of her hair to allow me access, I whispered against the soft, pale but creamy skin of her neck, "Because I can't do to Blake all the things I wish to do to you."

She visibly shivered under my words, tipped her drink to me in a gesture with a giggle and floated back towards the dance floor where almost everyone was.

"She is so different when she drinks," Charlie laughed from the stool next to me, drinking from his beer.

Charlie seemed like a pretty nice guy; quiet, soft-spoken, but all-in-all a good father who cared a lot about Bella and her safety especially. It was a little strange for me to jump right into conversations with him though, acting as if we had known each other for longer than just a couple of hours. However, he seemed to like me; that much at least was a huge relief. I couldn't recall ever meeting a girlfriend's family before; and add to the fact that it was _Bella's_ family, I was a little hesitant and weary. But Charlie put me at ease, especially if we were talking about his one and only daughter which was a subject that I could talk a lot about.

"Naw," I replied. "She's not _that_ different. I've seen this side of her before when she's sober, but I think it's just a thousand times worse when she's drunk."

We shared a laugh before Blake came skipping to our table. "What are you two crazy kids laughing about over here?" He slung his arm drunkenly around my shoulder before continuing. "You aren't telling Chief Swan about the time we were arrested for public indecency and intoxication junior year, are ya?"

I looked at Blake sharply then back at Charlie who looked more amused than anything. Blake threw his head back and howled with laughter before tugging me behind him by my arm.

I looked back at Bella who was in the midst of a large circle of girls, singing along to whatever music was playing. She amazed me with her knowledge of lyrics. I had started to notice how no matter what song was playing, Bella knew every word to it whether she liked the song or not. Everything from rap to country to rock to pop, she knew every word to every song. She appeared to be one of those people who after hearing a song once could later recite every word verbatim. A lot like myself, actually.

"What are we doing tomorrow? Don't we have that rehearsal dinner?" Shally asked Emmett as a bunch of us stood around the bar, ordering more drinks.

"Well, we all have to go pick up our tuxes in the morning, but the dinner's at night," Emmett replied, handing Blake and I beers.

"Hey! Let's take my boat out tomorrow!" Derrick exclaimed.

"Yeah! We're all spending the night at Edward's tomorrow anyway," Shally agreed. I wondered for a brief moment why he only called the house mine.

"Ok," Emmett shrugged. "That sounds good."

"Is your boat big enough for everyone?" I asked.

Derrick smiled evilly at me from the corner of his eye. "Yeah. It's massive," he replied. "At least that's what Bella said last night when her forehead was bouncing on my abs."

Everyone laughed, except for me, and I just rolled my eyes. I thought to myself for a moment how accustomed I had become to the rampant teasing about Bella that I continued to endure. I wondered why it was just me that got the brunt of it and not Emmett or Jasper or any of the other guys, but then I thought that maybe it was because of my protective nature over her or the vicious jealousy in me, and add to the fact that none of these guys (with the exception of Jacob) would ever go behind my back like that.

But I nodded to them and said, "Cute."

When the tune of "Wagon Wheel" by Old Crow Medicine Show began to play, my eyes searched on their own accord for Bella. A lot of the guys hollered in approval of the song choice and ran toward the crowd of people, singing and belting the lyrics when the song started. Finally, I found Bella, dancing close to someone; a tall…male…with sandy, blonde hair. I moved to my right some in order to get a better look of whose arms were circled around her waist, holding her close to their chest and who had her smiling so broadly.

It was my dad.

And there it was…that pleasurable pain in my chest that warmed my heart as I watched my father smile and hold my whole world in his arms while spinning her and laughing at her as she sang to him every word of the song. I laughed out loud and whispered, "This is it," to no one in particular. No one heard me, and no one needed to. I'm not even sure what I meant by it, but saying it out loud made me feel like I was conquering a small milestone.

I went to them; my mind, heart and body moving towards them with a force that I was completely powerless to stop. I laid my hand on her bare shoulder, feeling her warm skin under my cold hands that were soaked from the condensation on my beer bottle. Her dancing stopped, but her head twisted around the look at me, and when she did, her hair grazed my chest sending a penetrating whiff of her cotton candy smell.

"My turn." I smiled and glanced at Carlisle face who only nodded and released his hold on Bella's hand and waist, handing her over to my awaiting arms.

She leaned forward and kissed his cheek chastely then moved in closer to me. I watched as my father's face, aged with lines of many years of experience and knowledge, flushed pink under the affection and attention of someone so young and beautiful. His eyes that looked so much like mine, told me of his approval of the woman whom I had chosen, and I knew then that there in the presence of so many people all of whom had some sort of place in the hearts of my family, Bella still seemed to cast a spell on anyone whom she came in contact with. My father winked at me from behind Bella's head and turned into the offered embrace of Esme.

My attention moved back down to the blue eyes of the woman who was swaying in my arms. Once she knew that she held my attention only, she spun around, turning her back to face me and leaned into my chest with her arms resting on top of mine that held her stomach under my palms.

I closed my eyes and let my body bend slightly in order to conform completely to her form. She giggled as I ran the tip of my nose along the exposed, creamy skin of her neck down to her shoulder where I ghosted soft almost-kisses across every patch of her skin I could find.

"You have the power to end me," I whispered into the skin of her neck.

With one of my eyes opened, I saw her lips lift into a smile. "Oh yeah?"

"Mmm hmm."

I shut my eyes again, taking in the sweet as candy scent of her skin and listening to song's banjo continue to sing to us. I wondered to myself I would ever be happier at any other time in life than with her in this moment, holding her to my chest and listening to an old, stupid country song sing about love and life and things that didn't necessarily have anything to do with us but still somehow spoke to us and drenched us in nothing but honesty and life's journey ahead taking us wherever it has planned out for us to be led.

I wondered…does she feel any of this too?

Her words were perfect and soft; but they were Dave's, and they hit the pleasurable, yet painful spot in my heart. "_Know troubles they may come and go, but good times, they're the gold. So if the road gets rocky, just steady as we go._"

It was a love song that she chose to quote to me. Dave has many songs about death and love, and sex and love, and even death, sex and love; but the song she chose just then, was just a simple love song about a simple kind of love; ever-lasting, forever and ever love. Carlisle and Esme love. For better or for worse love. And yes, even till-death-do-us-part love.

But what do I know about any of that? Only what she has taught me.

I replied, "_In the darkest times, you shine on me. You set me free, and keep me steady as we go. So if your heart rings dry, my love. I will fill your cup, and if your load gets heavy, girl, I will lift you up._"

I wanted to tell her my secret. _God_, I wanted to come clean and leave nothing but my soul out there for her to take, but I couldn't; even though she deserved nothing but the truth and honesty that I only I could bring. And even though, I was hurting her and torturing her with my silence and lack of return, she still bared her heart to me. Yes, she deserved better; so much better.

Song after song played in the bar, but I continued to hold tight the one person who mattered most to me. She swayed in my arms and held firm her grip on my hands still resting on her flat belly.

I would have stayed like that forever if she would have allowed.

"Edward?" she murmured in my ear while my chin rested on her shoulder.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, lifting my head for a brief moment to lay a kiss on her skin.

She turned her head so we were forehead to forehead as she whispered, "Take me home."

Our home. She wanted to go to our home. And I knew there was really nowhere else that I was meant to be. Not in LA. Not stuck in an unimaginable, too big, too expensive apartment. And not _alone_. I squeezed her gently, released my hold on her and took her hand in my own while she spun slowly to face me. Our fingers automatically grasped in our usual "pinkie hold" as we let everyone know that we were leaving, but we would see them again tomorrow at the rehearsal dinner.

We took a cab home because neither one of us drove to the bar, nor were we in any state of mind to be driving anyway. Once in the cab, Bella curled herself into my side and nuzzled under my arm, shivering slightly as cold air from the car's air conditioning hit against the bare skin of her arms and legs.

I lifted her legs to lie across my lap and pulled her even closer into my side, rubbing my hands against her smooth skin to gather some friction to warm her shaking form.

"I'm soooo cooooollllldddd," Bella said, topping off with yawn. She licked her lips then snuggled back in the crook of my arm, gripping my shirt with her tiny fists.

I smiled. "Don't worry, baby. We're almost home."

And when we arrived, the cab stopped in front of the house, and I waited for a moment as Bella begrudgingly moved from my side and out of the cab, back into the cold night air.

"Babyyyy…" Bella whined, still drunk and slurring slightly as she hugged herself and created rapid friction down the exposed skin of her arms. As soon as I was out of the cab myself, she immediately wrapped her arms around my waist and cuddled close to me for warmth. She trembled and shook in my arms while we walked step by step together up to the house.

I had to disentangle her from my grip for a moment while I searched for my keys in my pockets and unlocked the door. She moaned and whined, protesting the entire time that she wasn't being held by me. She was visibly shivering and holding herself for those brief moments.

"Babyyyyyy, pppllleeeeaaaaasssseeeee," she whimpered right before I finally got the door unlocked and opened.

I didn't care even if she was acting like a little, intoxicated cry-baby; she was still cute and too beautiful for words. "I know, sweet girl. I'm sorry," I cooed, wrapping my arms back around her tight and bringing her back close to me. "Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?"

Even though we were both inside now with the front door closed and locked back, she never made any sort of effort to leave my grasp. In fact, the only effort she did make was only to tighten her arms around my waist. "Nooooo," she shivered with her bottom lip trembling.

"Well you do."

"Thanksssss."

I turned on the stair's hall light with my free hand as we ascended the stairs, taking each step together. With my hand that laid around her back, I played with the ends of her hair between my fingers. "Are you sleepy, sweetie?" I felt her head shake against my chest. "What do you want to do then?"

I felt her shrug as we made it to the top of the stairs and down the short hallway to my room. With it being just the two of us in the house, it was eerily quiet which was something I knew wouldn't last long once everyone grew tired at the bar.

I shut the door behind us just in case and locked it, and Bella continued to move with me, gripping my waist in a death lock. I stood still for a moment, waiting for her to let go of me to change out of her clothes and get ready for bed or just….do something. But she didn't budge. She wasn't shivering anymore, and her skin was no longer the least bit cold. While I would not hesitate to admit that I loved any sort of contact with her, I wondered why she was still holding onto me if she wasn't cold, and no longer in the breeze of the cold night.

"Baby?" I asked softly, whispering against the soft locks of her hair. She slowly lifted her head to look into my eyes. She seemed so small, weary and scared. "What's wrong?"

If possible, she snuggled even closer to me. "I'm cold."

No, she wasn't. "You are?"

She nodded slowly, still laying her head against my chest.

"Okay, sweet girl." I bent at the waist and tucked my arm underneath her knees, lifting her swiftly into my arms. She was so light.

She screeched a little but gently laid her arms around my shoulders for support as I carried her into the bathroom, bridal-style. Her eyes were wide and sparkling with excitement as I smiled at her and kissed her softly against her forehead. I set her down gently beside the large bathtub which I had yet to use in the two weeks I had been here. I kneeled in front of her on one knee, slowly removing each delicate high-heel from her feet, one then the other and set them off to the side. She held onto my shoulders for balance but allowed me to do what I intended.

I stood back up and pulled the side of her one-piece that laid across one of her shoulders down slowly, letting it come down from her body. She permitted me to remove it from her completely as it pooled at her feet. Then, she was left standing before me in nothing but a plain black, strapless bra and a mismatching pair of pink bikini panties.

I removed my shirt then my jeans, and while only in my pair of "Pinch Me" boxers with little red crabs all over them, I leaned down and turned on the water of the tub. After checking the temperature and making certain that the water would not drain, I then gently reached for the clasp of her bra in the front. No clasp.

"It's in the back," she said with a smile.

"Fuck, you need to come with instructions."

I reached behind her and watched her breasts bounce free. I will never tire of seeing her bare boobs, jolly and effervescent with a life their own. I didn't want her to think that I wanted anything sexual to be the reasons for our exchange tonight, so I bypassed her very lickable, very touchable, grabable, bounceable, motorboatable breasts and went for the thin strings of her panties. I lowered them down her smooth, luscious legs until they too were lying on the tile floor.

And _god_, if she wasn't just the most gorgeous sight that I had ever seen.

She removed her necklace, earrings and bracelets and set them on top of her pile of clothes. She flushed slightly under my gaze then knotted her fingers under the band of my boxers, pulling lightly at them until I finally helped her and removed them too.

Bare. For the first time, we were both completely bare in front of each other. She was tan and tone but still soft and smooth. I was nothing but hard lines and hairy limbs.

"How do you do that?" she asked in a whisper.

I looked up into her eyes, questioning. "Do what?"

"Look at me like you haven't seen me every day for the past three years?"

I didn't answer her because if I had, I would have told her everything. I would have been completely honest with her for the first time, and then…I would have ruined everything.

I turned off the running water when the tub was filled and took her hand so she could step into the tub one small, slender foot at a time. She waited in the water for me to come in after her, and only until I was seated with my back against the warm tub wall did she sit in front of me, between my outstretched legs, and lean against my chest for comfort.

The warmth of her body with the heat of the water immersed around us, created a tidal wave of ease yet still excitement. She didn't say it, but I knew she could feel my excitement poking her in her lower back, but I wanted to take care of her. Tell her through my actions what I could not with my words.

My hands played with the soft, wet skin of her flat stomach, smoothing over her abdominal muscles which I could basically count. Her body was nothing short of tone with a physique of the gymnast and dancer that she was. Her fingers danced around the curves and muscles of my legs, leaving a heated electric current along their path.

Her head fell back to rest against my chest. I leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

She sighed but snuggled closer to my chest, bringing her knees up so the small sliver of her tan skin peeked through the slits of heated water. "I just wanted to feel close to you, I guess."

I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see me. "That's fair."

"Lately…you feel so distant," she whispered, tracing her exposed kneecap with her index finger…an act that I should not have found so terribly arousing. "…like you're always thinking about something that you can't tell me."

She knew me so well.

She continued. "I feel like you're hiding something from me…like some big secret." I stayed quiet. "And now that I'm fairly certain you're not cheating on me…"

"No, I'm definitely not."

"…then I'm out of ideas. I'm out of possibilities of why you won't talk to me about it."

_Because I'll lose you, and I can't live with you._

"Bella, I need you to trust me," _I will never understand why you chose me._ "I just need you to trust me when I say that it's nothing bad." _At least, not the 'bad' you're thinking of. _

She was silent like she always was when I desperately needed her to answer me…to give me any indication of what she was thinking. I realized she never agreed to trust me; maybe it was intentional and maybe it wasn't. But I knew I didn't deserve her trust because there was no way I could guarantee anything to her. I could never guarantee that I wouldn't hurt her. I will, but her pain will be insurmountable compared to mine when I am forced to leave her.

If I could have, I would have told her a million times that I loved her. I had never wanted to say it to her more. But I didn't.

She turned in my lap so that she was facing me and sitting back on her knees with her hands wrapped around me. Water splashed around us as she moved but settled when she did. Her hair was dark and wet on the ends that sat in the water, and the top of her breasts were seen slightly on the edge of the bath water.

Her face looked pained, though. The lines in her forehead were prominent and her eyes were dark and hurt. "Promise me you won't leave me," she whispered.

This strong woman was crumbling right before me, and I was the cause. She looked so delicate and small. I had reduced her to nothing but crumbs. Yes, that's what she was. Crumbling…

But could I promise her something like that? Could I look her dead in the eyes and promise her something that I could not keep? Could I blatantly lie to her? It was too late, though. I was already lying to her every day.

"I will never leave you, baby. I promise."

_I hate myself._

The next day, early in the morning, the day before the wedding, was the day that I fell in love with Bella Swan.

I was in the bathroom, trying to tame the beast that is my hair so that I could meet everyone at the tux shop to do any last minute adjustments if necessary and pick them up. Once the beast was mostly put in its place, I walked out of the bathroom that just last night Bella and I had bathed each other in soft and delicate touches with soap and warm water, when I saw her.

She was sitting on our bed Indian-style with a large teacher's textbook spread out on her legs and with Brody's head resting on her knee sound asleep. Her hair was a complete mess piled in an untidy ponytail with her bangs hanging in her face which was completely devoid of any makeup. To top it all off, the only piece of clothing she had on besides a pair of my boxers was an old baseball shirt of mine from college with grass and dirt stains that would never come out and holes that were punched throughout the writing that said "Huskies" across her chest. She was tapping a pen on her lips with one hand and with the other she was rubbing Brody's head as he slept, all while reading intently the book that laid across her lap. And over her pretty blue eyes were a pair of my black-rimmed reading glasses that she was always borrowing, and that I always thought I kept misplacing. I asked her one day why she didn't just buy her own. She told me she didn't need to as long as she had mine.

But seeing her there before me in my glasses and watching her doing something as simple as reading while petting our dog who slept beside her, it was like seeing her for the first time. My heart fluttered and skipped several beats; something completely foreign to my body. And then I knew, this was love; what we had was love. I was so stupid for ever believing otherwise.

In my chest, I felt the familiar pull of the same pleasurable pain that warmed me all over. And it was then that I knew. Without a shadow of a doubt, I loved her. Yes, there was no more denying it, no more wondering, no more fighting it. I was in love with her.

And I knew that I had been this whole time.

I froze in front of her, watching as she kept reading and tapping her pen against her lips. I wanted to run to her. I wanted to whisper to her all the things I was feeling. I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to do all the things I had been holding back.

Noticing my obvious staring, she looked up at me. "What?"

It was on the tip of my tongue. _I love you. I've loved you from the first moment I saw you. You're my whole life. You're my whole world, and if I could help it, I would never leave your side._

But because nothing is ever easy, especially now, Blake came rushing into our bedroom without knocking, "Ready?" he asked me.

I sighed but reluctantly nodded, walking closer to the bed and leaning down to kiss Bella briefly on the lips. "See you tonight?" I murmured, licking her bottom lip.

She smiled against my mouth, tasting of mint toothpaste and her cherry chapstick. "Ok."

"Bye, baby."

"Bye. Bye, Blake!" she called as I turned around and followed Blake out the door.

"Bye!"

Our first stop for our Wedding Eve activities was the tux place where I found myself half naked in a huge dressing room filled with a bunch of other half naked dudes…arguing. Well, mostly Emmett arguing with Blake.

"I'm not fucking wearing them!" Blake shouted, throwing the straps at Emmett's head from across the dressing room.

"It's just one day! It's one goddamn day that you have to wear them!" Emmett retorted.

"They're fucking ridiculous…fucking contraptions…how do you even put them on? Whatever, I'm not fucking wearing them, and that's it. That's just…it. There you go. My socks will just…hang. I don't give a fuck! I. Will. Not. Wear. Them!"

Emmett picked up the sock garter and threw it back at Blake. "Yes, you fucking will! It's _my_ fucking wedding day!"

"Come here, motherfucker. I'm about to choke with them," Blake replied, bending down to pick up the straps.

And as much as I would have loved to have watched that little scene play out, I had to intervene.

"Okay, guys," I said, stepping between them. "Let's just compromise here."

"Edward…it's not the 1940s, and I'm not some overweight grandpaw with poor hygiene. I'm not fucking strapping my socks to my knees," Blake said.

"You're an asshole," Emmett replied.

"You can't possibly say that you want my sister to see you in these when you're undressing on your wedding night…"

After some heavy convincing and finally a unanimous vote, the sock garters were taken back and decided not to be used. We were all fitted properly for our tuxes and were able to take them with us. While we were there, Rosalie called Emmett and insisted that we not take out Derrick's boat today because our trip to get our tuxes took longer than expected, and all of us still had to prepare for the rehearsal dinner and be on time or Rose would "chop off our testicles and serve them in the kabobs at the reception."

We were early.

The rehearsal dinner was gorgeous. It was at this large house that sat on the edge of the bay looking out over the port, with large floor-to-ceiling windows throughout. It was dark yet romantic with dark hardwood floors and mahogany walls and large, elaborate chandeliers overhead. The dinner was done by candle light in a large banquet hall of the house which held almost 100 guests.

After dinner, the wedding party hung around, taking advantage of the open bar and light, tasteful music playing all around the house. Emmett approached me as I was ordering Bella another cranberry and vodka at the bar.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I looked over my shoulder at my older brother whose expression was serious and somewhat hesitant. "Sure," I replied, taking the drink the bartender offered. I placed a five in his tip jar and walked off with Emmett trailing behind me.

"I need to ask you something." We walked outside on one of the small balconies just off of the dining room. It was quiet, and no one was around.

"What is it?"

He reached into his pants' pocket and held out a small, silver ring with tiny diamonds encircling it. It looked so tiny and delicate in his large palm. "Will you hold this for me tomorrow?" I took the ring and held it between my thumb and index finger, examining it closely. It was so beautiful. "I know you and Jasper are both my best man, but I want _you_ to stand next to me tomorrow and hold this."

I felt honored, and for the first time, I felt worthy. "Of course, Emmett. Thank you."

I wasn't sure why I thanked him. It just felt like the right thing to say.

A little later, I found myself slow dancing with Bella. The music was soft and so was her skin underneath my fingers. She was so unbelievably breathtaking in a black dress which all of the bridesmaids were instructed to wear, except for Rosalie of course; and the groomsmen were asked to wear black-on-black suits with black ties. I felt ridiculous, but I didn't complain. Blake, however, had been protesting the dress code the entire night.

"You look so good tonight," Bella said against my chest.

"Don't lie to me. We look like a fucking boy band."

She giggled and shook a little under my hold. "I'm going to miss you tonight." I had almost forgotten about our sleeping arrangements for the night…almost. Truth be told, I had been dreading it since the last time we slept apart last weekend for the bachelor party. The only part different about this time was that I would be sleeping in _our_ house, in _our_ room, in _our_ bed, alone.

"I don't wanna talk about it," I sighed, kissing the top of her head. Her hair was pinned up off of her shoulders, but by the end of the night, curly, unruly hairs had slipped through the knots and were peppering her back and shoulders once again. "Hey, maybe I could sneak over to Rose's apartment after everyone else is asleep and come sleep with you."

"I think I'm sleeping on the couch with Alice."

"The more the merrier." She swatted my chest where I laughed under her palm. I placed my hand over hers on top of my chest, keeping her hand in place. "I'm so happy for Emmett and Rose, but I'll be even happier when all of this wedding stuff is over with."

I felt her nod against my chest. "I don't think I want our wedding to be quite as big as theirs, anyway."

Our swaying stopped along with my breathing. The word "our" that she had just murmured kept ringing in my head over and over, and I kept replaying her words over and over…hearing her say them again and again. And I had stopped. Did she realize what I had done? Did she know? Does she know what she does to me?

Does she know?

Does she know?

Does she know?

"Our"

"Our"

"Our"

_Jesus Christ, make it stop. Make it all stop._

I was sweating. The room was blurry. When did the lights start turning blue? Alice. Alice said something to Bella. Bella kissed me on my cheek. She told me good bye. _She's leaving?_ She left with Alice. Everyone was leaving. I was leaving.

I was in bed. In _our_ bed. There's that word. "Our". She doesn't know. She doesn't know I love her. She won't know how I feel. I wanted to tell her. I should have told her. What if I wake up tomorrow and she's really gone? What if I wake up and I've really left without telling her I love her, that I always have and that I always will?

What if?

What if?

_What if?_

Then, I woke up.

* * *

**A/N: Ahhh! The songs mentioned in this chapter are "Crash Into Me"- DMB, "Steady As We Go"- DMB, and "Wagon Wheel"- Old Crow Medicine Show. All great songs. Check em out if you don't know them. **

**Don't worry. It all works out. I promise. I will update soon. Reviews make me write faster. Just sayin'.**

**'Preciate you.**


	13. Wedding

**A/N: Oh my gosh, the response from the last chapter was unbelieveable! Thank you so much, even though some wanted to kill me for the cliffhanger. No, he did not (truly) "wake up". There is still so much that they have to go through if/when that will happen. But trust me, you will not be left hanging if that happens. The links to everything for the wedding are on my profile. I suggest you look at them. They're pretty awesome. Yes, Rosalie's dress is the same one from the Hangover. And no, I did not write what the preacher says at the wedding. I googled it. Literally. **

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Wedding**

_Then, I woke up. _

I sat up quickly and grabbed at the spot beside me, digging around in the sheets for Bella like if I dug and search enough then she might suddenly appear. Nothing. Her side wasn't warm or even smelling of her. I looked around me, though, quickly realizing I was still in Seattle and worrying for nothing. And today was the wedding day.

My phone buzzed with a text message:

_Wake up, sleepyhead. I think the sun's a little brighter today. Smile and watch the icicles melt away and see the water rising. Summer's here to stay, and all those summer games will last forever. – B_

I smiled. _Thank God. _

I dressed, cursing the un-godly hour that everyone was up and buzzing around in my own house and made my way down stairs towards all of the commotion. Besides Rosalie's parents and mine, it was mostly the groomsmen whom were in my living room sitting around playing video games and looking quite tired and somewhat hungover.

"No! I promise you, I specifically said _10_:30. Not _2_:30!" I heard my mom as she raised her voice while on the phone. "This is just…completely unacceptable! No, sir! I mostly certainly will _not _calm down!"

Emmett yanked the phone away from her hand angrily. "Listen here, Reverend. I did not take those fucking premarital classes that you insisted on just so you could show up four goddamn hours…"

"Emmett! Don't say goddamn to the pastor!"

"…late for the fucking show…"

"It's a wedding not a concert!"

"…So you better say a few hail Mary's before you come here if you show up one minute past noon!" He ended the call and tossed the phone back to a seething Esme.

"Emmett, I am humiliated."

"He'll be here, Ma. That's all that matters."

"That's just great, Emmett! I was going to get him to do Edward and Jasper's weddings too! But I'm fairly certain that Reverend Johnson will never come near our family again!"

"We can only hope, Ma," Emmett muttered before answering his own phone in the next room.

"Wait, wait, wait. His name is Reverend _Johnson_?" Blake asked with a sly grin, pausing his game to lean over and catch Esme's eye.

She sent him a glare which was something completely foreign to my mother's usual wistful and cheery face. But the wedding was taking its toll on everyone's nerves and patience, even someone as sweet as Esme…the mother of all sweetness and patience. "Blake?" her tone held a small warning in it.

"Yes ma'am?"

"Do you plan on getting married anytime soon?" she asked.

"I don't know. How old is Miley Cyrus?"

I don't think I had ever seen one woman take charge and move about while ordering people around as quick and as diligent as my mother. But everyone listened to her, afraid of the consequences of not doing so, especially Blake who gave her a hard time just for the fun of seeing Esme steam. The joys of such a big wedding, I'm sure, was for a large group of people all of whom play an important role in the bride and groom's lives to see the happy couple tie the knot and celebrate together. However, _this _big of a wedding only caused stress and mass chaos within the wedding party.

"Okay. I have to run to the florist then to the church. Then, I've got to go to the hotel then back to the church. But first, I have to get my hair and nails done! Edward, get dressed! All of you, put your tuxes on! Now!"

I looked up from my bowl of Frosted Flakes as Esme's small, petite frame kept shouting and pushing around large, oversized 20-something year-old guys in the kitchen then went into the living room, shoving and shouting at more of them whom hadn't moved from their video game.

Once they had all moaned, groaned and grunted their way out of the seats and gotten up to follow through with her orders, she walked back into the kitchen with me.

"Edward, dear, I want you to slick your hair down today," she said, grabbing my bowl of cereal from my hands mid-bite, still with the spoon halfway to my mouth.

"Aw, Ma. You know it'll lay flat for two seconds then it'll stand right back up again."

"Do you want me to fix it?" she asked, taking my spoon from me too and washing it out as well.

"No. Thank you but no. I think I can fix my own hair."

"Are you sure," she said in that sing-songie voice that all mother's have.

I shook my head and ran towards my bedroom before she said anything else about it. I dressed in my tux but left my tie hanging around my neck. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror for what seemed like an hour as I worked meticulously on my hair. No matter what I did though, it always stood up the same. The only one who could make it right was Bella.

Thinking of her, I grabbed my phone and hit my first speed dial. I briefly thought of the last time I had seen her last night when she had made the comment about "our" wedding. I remembered how I tensed. I remembered how I stopped breathing. I remembered how every unanswered question that I had rang in my head over and over. I remembered how the word "our" repeated in her voice to me again and again. I remembered feeling nauseous and scared. But still every thought that I had of leaving her also had me feeling the same way.

"Hey you," she answered after several rings. Her voice was like air, weightless and easy. I wanted to immerse in it, breathe it in for eternity.

"Hey. I miss you." _It's only been a few hours, but I'm a mess without you._

Her laughter was smooth and soft. "I miss you too."

_Can I come kiss you? Just one kiss. It will dissipate my pain._ "Mom wants my hair to lay flat today."

"Easier said than done."

"I tried to tell her, but you know her…she won't hear reason. Especially today." _Maybe just one touch. One touch. That's all I need. Please._

"Yeah, it's total craziness over here. Rose has a pimple on her back. We had to talk her out of calling the whole thing off twice since 8:00 this morning." Her tone was annoyed, but I heard her smile.

"Yeah well, I'm pretty sure the preacher is somewhere crying in a corner, hitting his head against a wall after what Emmett said to him this morning."

She laughed, again. _Maybe if I can just see you…yes, just seeing you would help._ "This is why people elope. It's so much easier."

"Wedding's are crazy," I said, leaning against the side of the bathroom counter.

"People do crazy things when they're in love."

She was so lovely. I wanted to picture her, maybe standing in a hallway by herself while the others were in the next room trying to calm a stressed out Rosalie. I wanted to picture her leaning against the lone, hallway wall with her hand to her ear, holding her phone; and maybe with a smile on her face as she spoke her gracious words to me. Maybe she was running her hand through her hair which she often did while on the phone, or maybe she was shuffling her feet, while looking down and watching her toes wiggle. Yes, I could picture it now.

"I'm crazy about you, Bella." That was almost the same thing, right? Love is crazy. Love equals crazy. My words were the same as 'I love you', weren't they? _Weren't they?_

"I love you, Edward." No, not the same. Nothing about that was the same. I was stupid. I was so fucking stupid. "Oh, shit. We're about to leave and go to the church. I'll see you there, okay?"

She didn't leave me any time to say it back. Would I have said it back?

"Okay, baby. See you there. Bye."

She hung up, and I was empty once more.

I sighed, dumping my phone to the side as I stood back in front of the mirror and tried for at least another twenty minutes to slick my hair down. It worked…mostly. But I knew that within minutes, it would be standing back up in its usual tangled mess. As I reached for my phone to leave the bathroom, I noticed a small white, square package. I had never noticed it before, and I was more than positive that it wasn't mine. I picked it up and popped it open. Birth control pills.

_Bella's_ birth control pills. I'm not completely sure why I was so surprised by this, but I was. I expected this, but holding them in my hand and having the evidence right before me was somewhat still shocking. And according to the pills, she was right on track. But she hadn't had today's yet, so I stuffed them into my pocket, hoping to give them to her when I saw her later. I was assuming she had forgotten to take them with her, and you never know…she might need them. Just in case…you know…accidents happen.

I swallowed a lump in my throat and coughed, not really needing to but did anyway, as I opened the door and left my bathroom to make my way back downstairs to everyone once again. This time, all the guys were dressed and ready to go.

"I'm getting married today! Let's go!" Emmett bellowed. He glanced at me as I walked towards the crowd of people congregating at the bottom of my stairs. He stopped, however, when he saw me then started laughing. "Your hair…"

"Shut the fuck up, groom boy. Mom made me."

"Ma!" he shouted. "Look at what Edward did to his hair!"

Of course, after he said that, everyone turned to look at me and my hair. They all laughed, and suddenly I was a little boy again who couldn't fix his own curly, unruly hair. I was blushing and totally mortified.

"Aw, honey. I think you look very handsome," Esme said, hugging me around the waist. _Yep, definitely a little boy again._

We left soon after that. When we arrived at the church, Rosalie and all of the girls were already there. We didn't get to see them though, and I happened to be the first one to ask Esme when we could. But she smiled at my obvious reasoning behind my question and just said "Soon, dear"; a very "Esme" sort of answer…annoyingly cryptic yet still sweet enough where you can't express just how much it annoys you. Emmett and Rosalie weren't allowed to see each other before the wedding and the others were still getting ready, so us groomsmen were led outside to take pictures with just Emmett.

I fixed my tie in the bathroom before we got started and took another look at my hair before going outside. It was raining off and on, of course. It was Seattle, hello. But the clouds were sporadic and held a pretty grey-blue tone which made the sky light up even in the darkness of the dreary weather. I felt a few raindrops of my face as we ended our first round of pictures and waited for Emmett to go inside so Rose could come out.

We were in a grassy area outside of the church where summer flowers and greenery were scattered around us. The light rain subsided right as Rosalie came out. And gosh, she looked so beautiful. Her silky blonde hair was pinned up off of her shoulders, and a small blonde braid circled her head all the way around which also held her small, simple veil which was hanging behind her head and out of her eyes. Her dress was pretty simple except for a black, silk sash around her waist held by a white stain flower. The black sash went down across her train in the back and hung in two separate places behind her.

"Sissy, you look beautiful," Blake complimented while taking her hand and helping her up the cobblestone stairs to the pathway that led to the garden where the rest of us stood waiting.

She smiled and, for the first time, I found Rosalie to be as happy as I always thought a bride should be. And only by that fact did I think that she looked the most beautiful that I had ever seen her.

She smiled at all of us, told us how good we all looked and posed like an experienced bridal model with all of us surrounding her. We did the usual wedding photos; us circling her, us holding her in a line with her lying across us, and also one of just Jasper and I with her then another with just Blake.

Not long after that, the bridesmaids emerged, lovely and beautiful. My eyes were wide and searching for the one that I cared most about. She was the last one to come out and, of course, the most beautiful. All of the bridesmaids wore a simple, short black dress, except for Alice and Bella…the two maids of honor. Their dresses both had an ivory silk sash that wrapped around the top of their waists with a small bow to one side.

I watched as Bella's eyes danced around, searching and seeking something out in particular. The photographer was barking out orders to try to keep everyone in line and paying attention, but it wasn't working at all. We were all such a close knit group of friends that whenever we were around each other, it was like a reunion all over again. Bella was across the lawn, talking to Blake and Feltman, but her indigo, blue eyes were still dancing around behind long, thick lashes as she searched; only nodding her head as they talked to her.

Finally, _finally_…her eyes found their awaited destination…me. A wide smile grew across her lips as she quietly pointed in my direction and walked towards me.

Like a moth to a flame, our bodies met and connected in a prolonged embrace. It hadn't even been a day since we parted, but it felt like years. My nose brushed against her neck, smelling her cotton candy scent and laying swift, almost-kisses across her shoulder. I took a deep breath through my nose, wrapping myself completely in nothing but her.

_God, this is love._

Her small body seemed even smaller against mine as I had to bend my knees some to hug her even though she had on tall, black heels. I heard the photographer's camera snapping but chose to ignore it. I breathed in her ear, "Oh my _god_, I hate sleeping without you." _And waking up without you._

"Did you get my text this morning?"

"Yes, I loved it." _I love __**you**__._

She pulled away slightly but allowed me to still hug her waist and allowed our chests to remain connected. The sound of a camera kept going off, but I kept up my oblivious nature. "I almost didn't recognize you," she smiled, patting my Ray-Bans and ruffling my hair.

I groaned. "I know. I need you to fix it," I whined.

She giggled, reaching around behind her and taking my hand in her own. "Okay. Come on."

We told them that we would be right back, earning a questioning look and a smile from everyone which we both ignored as well. Then, she took me back into the bathroom and instructed me to wet my hair completely. I did as she said without protest while I internally thought there was no way that she could make my hair look right without any gel.

But of course, she did. And it was perfect. I don't even know why I ever expected less.

We took more and more pictures, all of the wedding party together, some with Rosalie then some with Emmett. We were all posed some of the time but a lot of the pictures were funny and silly ones, and some were even candid of us when we were just standing around laughing at ourselves. I kept thinking about the friendships that I now shared with these people after having only known them for a short amount of time, but the bond that they had obviously made with me over the years only made me ache with grief at the thought of having to go back to when I had no idea that they even existed, and they would have no idea who I really was.

We went inside the church after a while and took pictures with the families of the bride and groom. We went over the proceedings of how the wedding would play out once the pastor showed up (not a minute after noon). But then, for the next several hours…there was a lot of sitting and waiting; and unfortunately, the girls and guys were split up once again…us in a room alone with Emmett and the girls alone with Rosalie. No Bella.

"So, when do you think you and Alice will get married?" Blake asked Jasper as we all sat around, waiting.

"I'm not sure. We haven't set the date yet."

Blake nodded but didn't reply. At least not to Jasper. "What about you, Red?"

I looked up, startled and not expecting such a blatant question. "What about me?"

"When are you and Bella gonna make it official?" he clarified.

To me, a wedding is a ceremony between two lovers joining in front a bunch of people so that that same bunch of people could see exactly what they want to see: the perfect union of two people in love. But it's so different than that, isn't it? Weddings are never perfect and neither is love. But when you go to a wedding, you expect it…the perfection…the love. A perfect love joined in marriage. Ultimately, you're seeing what you want to see.

So how is any of that different from me? Am I not simply playing a role? Are they not all just seeing me now as the Edward that they _want_ to see? Because if any of them were to look deeper, scratch the surface and probe and prod their way through all the lies and all of the bull shit, they would find someone else entirely. They would find a lonely, scared as hell individual whom has not a clue as to what the fuck their doing. They would find someone who is only living the life they were given, day by fucking day. So is it not just all lies? Weddings…me…the whole bit…is it nothing but trivial yet _not_ so trivial _lies_?

Then, there is the other part of me. The one that is so completely immersed in playing this part…living this lie…that finds marriage and weddings and love all something obtainable. That is the same person who has fallen in love. That is the same person who wakes up every morning begging and pleading for another chance…even just _one_ more chance to look into the bright, blue eyes of the one that matters most. That is the person who would love nothing more than to spend the rest of their life at the side of their soul mate. And God knows, that is the person who still believes in love because they are the one who has experienced it…even through all the bull shit and even through all the lies.

"Soon, I hope." I avoided Jasper's all-knowing eyes, and secretly hoped that he would not look too deep and see the scared child within me. But I imagined he saw just that.

We kept a steady conversation running the whole time while also keeping Emmett calm as he anxiously paced the room with sweat pouring from his body.

"Emmett, you're gonna need to chill out. I'm getting nervous, and I'm just standing there smiling the whole time…" Shally said.

"Hey, Shall…who are you walking up the isle?" Feltman asked after Emmett made no attempt to stop pacing or even respond to Shally's comment.

"Uh…oh, shit. I forgot!" he replied, suddenly alarmed. "Uh…um…I think she has brown hair. Wait, no…I'm pretty sure it was red. Yes, definitely red! But it could have been brown with red highlights. I don't know. Are the lights in there red?"

"I think you're partner is Erica," Jasper responded. "You're right behind me, right?"

"Uh…" Shally drew out in thought. "Possibly…"

"Oh my god! You don't even know what order you're in?" Emmett bellowed, pausing his pacing briefly.

"What? Yeah! Of course, I do! I'm definitely behind Jasper!"

"No, I think I'm behind Jasper," Blake chimed.

"Okay, then, I'm _definitely_ behind Blake…" Shally said with a smile.

"Yeah, but my partner's not Erica," Blake replied.

"Holy shit! We're all fucked!" Shally shouted, suddenly not giving a shit about worrying Emmett any longer. "What the fuck are we going to do? We're all just going to start grabbing girls…and then…then what if there's not enough? What if we run out of girls? _Oh god_! There's not enough girls!"

"Shally, there'll be enough girls, dude," I replied, calmly. I already knew where I was placed and who my partner was.

"You don't know that!"

"I'm gonna go get the wedding planner…surely she's got this shit written down somewhere," Feltman said, walking out of the room.

And before long, it was time.

The wedding planner had us all lined up in the back of the church in order _(Praise God)_; Bella and I were the very last ones. There were nine couples in all, but since Bella and I were supposed to be standing on either side of Rosalie and Emmeett; we were last.

Everyone was talking while simultaneously getting yelled at by the wedding planner _for_ talking. I was holding one of Bella's hands that wasn't clutching her bouquet of flowers and rubbing soothing circles on her knuckles with my thumb. She was extremely nervous for some reason.

"There's just so many people, Edward. Doesn't that scare you?" she asked, shifting her weight from side to side.

"Why would it scare me? I'm not the one getting married," I smiled then laughed after she shot me a quick glare. I hugged her waist, letting her know that I was just kidding…however, if I was being honest then the thought of getting married really did make me nervous and scared as hell.

"I just know I'm going to fall flat on my face." I snorted with a laugh because she would never _ever_ in a million years do that. She was too perfect and flawless to ever trip or mess up.

"Shut up. No, you won't."

"But what if I do?" she shouted, grabbing onto my arm so I would lean down. She stood on her tip toes and whispered in my ear, "What if my dress comes up over my head when I fall? I'm wearing a thong. _Hello._"

I stood back up, chuckling as I wrapped my arms around her shoulders in a close embrace. I kissed the top of her head. "You aren't going to fall, baby. I won't let you," I whispered in her hair.

She nodded and raised her head to give me a small smile. I watched as she licked her lips slowly, her eyes dancing from my own then down to my lips back and forth. Her arms tightened around my waist as I leaned down and captured her lips with my own. We kissed slowly and lovingly, savoring the moment that we were given before we had to part and begin the ceremony. I used my tongue to part her lips and give it entrance into her mouth right before we heard the scolding of the wedding planner.

"Okay, kids. We're in a church. Come up for air."

Bella's shoulders shook underneath my arms as she laughed quietly then pulled back only allowing enough space between us so that we could hold hands once again. The slow, winding music of "Cantata No. 78, Jesu, der du meine Seele" started to play as the mine and Rosalie's grandparents were escorted through the double doors in the back of the church where we stood waiting.

My grandparents, whom I hadn't seen in an extremely long time because they lived in Chicago, gave Bella and I a hug and a kiss on the cheek as they moved through the crowd of bridesmaids and groomsmen to walk out the doors and down the aisle, escorted by Jasper. Next were Rosalie's grandparents, escorted by Blake. "Cantata No. 78" continued to play as I took my mother down the aisle with my father following behind us. It was my first glance of the church, and _damn_, there were a lot of people in the huge cathedral. But there was no denying how beautiful everything looked. The flowers arrangements that stood at the altar where the pastor and Emmett were standing were tall, large bouquets of bright colored flowers, mostly vibrant shades of yellow and green.

I kissed my mother's tear-stained cheek and held her delicate hand as she sat in the church's pew at the front. I turned briefly towards Emmett and smiled at him because he looked like he was going to collapse at any moment. His face was pale and shiny in the dim lights of the cathedral across his brow, but he returned my smile and his shoulders visibly relaxed as I turned back around and headed back down the aisle.

After Blake also escorted his and Rose's parents out, the wedding planner (_I really need to learn her name_) shut the double doors and asked us to make sure we were back in our proper places. Bella immediately latched onto my arm again and whispered, "Please, don't let go."

I smiled, gave her a swift kiss on her sweet and on her pouty lips and replied in a low tone, "Never."

The trumpets of "The Prince of Denmark's March" began to play and then, it was finally time for the wedding party to appear. Feltman and his bridesmaid, I think her name was Rachel, were the first to walk out. It wasn't long before everyone else had walked down the aisle expect for Alice, Jasper, Bella and I. Bella's small, clammy hand was clutching mine for dear life the entire time, while with her other hand, she held her flower bouquet and her index finger held Alice's right in front of us.

I whispered in her ear how beautiful she looked and how she had absolutely no reason to be nervous, but she only nodded still with apprehension and nervousness on her face. It wasn't until Rosalie appeared off to the side of us, looking totally relaxed and quite lovely with her sheer veil hanging over her face just below her chin, that Bella sighed and smiled proudly.

"Rose…" she breathed.

"Don't be nervous, Bella," Rosalie replied, glowing in a large smile. "I love you."

Bella's hand relaxed in mine immensely, and she let out a breath that she had been holding. "I love you."

I knew she wasn't saying it to me but just hearing the words come from _her_ mouth in _her_ voice made my heart race.

I watched on as Alice's fingers slipped from Bella's, and then she and Jasper walked out and then it was just us. The woman beside me, holding onto my hand for dear life, took a short intake of breath and slowly moved her hand so she was holding the crook of my elbow. I looked down at her and waited patiently as she finally recognized that I was staring at her. Then, her bright but scared blue eyes found mine, and with the just a look from me, she noticeably relaxed.

"I won't let go," I said, placing my hand on top of hers on my arm. And I didn't.

And step by long uncomplicated but justified step, Bella and I took our first strides down the aisle…together as a couple. With her on my arm and walking at my side down the aisle of this beautiful church in front of her family and mine, I had never felt lighter and freer. As the music played in the background as we walked, I looked into the adoring eyes of everyone who sat as we passed. They might have been waiting just to see Rosalie right after us, but in this moment, they only saw us, and the smile on their faces were only for us.

This was it. Without a doubt, this was it. This was right. This was Bella. This was love.

And maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow or even the day after that, but soon…she would know how I felt.

Right before we parted where she had to go to her side and I had to go to mine, I released her hand, squeezed it and watched as it slipped through my fingers. Her eyes were on mine, and again, it was just us. Just Bella Swan and Edward Cullen…separated by nothing except one secret, one lie. Holding us back was only that.

I took my spot next to my to-be-wed brother who smiled at me, and I responded with a wink. I was in love. He was in love. We were connected in a way that only we understood. Then, there was new music. The wedding march. The doors closed then opened to reveal the bride. Everyone stood. Everyone looked. Except me. All eyes were drawn to the back but not mine. Mine were to my right, over my shoulder and locked in the eyes of oceans in a simple black dress, clutching simple yellow flowers.

Rosalie and her father suddenly appeared, and the wedding began. But I…I was still stuck in the oceans.

"Please be seated. Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God – and in the face of this community – to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons presented now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause to why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

"Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body and mind. It is intended for their mutual joy – and for the help and comfort given to one another in prosperity and adversity. But more importantly – it is a means through which a stable and loving environment may be attained.

"Through marriage, Emmett and Rosalie make a commitment together to face their disappointments – embrace their dreams – realize their hopes – and accept each other's failures. Emmett and Rosalie will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together – through mutual understanding – openness – and sensitivity to each other.

"We are here today – before God – because marriage is one of His most sacred wishes – to witness the joining in marriage of Emmett and Rosalie. This occasion marks the celebration of love and commitment with which this man and this woman to begin their life together. And now – through me – He joins you together in one of the holiest bonds.

"Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?"

"Her mother and I."

Emmett took her hand and led her to the altar in front of the pastor. Together, they locked eyes and smiled. He was finally relaxed. Her presence was calming to him. But during his pastor's words, all I saw was the depth and the finality of the two blue oceans.

"This is a beginning and a continuation of their growth as individuals. With mutual care, respect, responsibility and knowledge comes the affirmation of each one's own life, happiness, growth and freedom. With respect for individual boundaries comes the freedom to love unconditionally. Within the emotional safety of a loving relationship – the knowledge self-offered one another becomes the fertile soil for continued growth. With care and responsibility towards self and one another comes the potential for full and happy lives.

"By gathering together all the wishes of happiness and our fondest hopes for Emmett and Rosalie from all present here, we assure them that our hearts are in tune with theirs. These moments are so meaningful to all of us, for what greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together – to strengthen each other in all labor – to minister to each other in all sorrow – to share with each other in all gladness.

"This relationship stands for love, loyalty, honesty and trust, but most of all for friendship. Before they knew love, they were friends, and it was from this seed of friendship that is their destiny. Do not think that you can direct the course of love – for love, if it finds you worthy, shall direct you.

"Marriage is an act of faith and a personal commitment as well as a moral and physical union between two people. Marriage has been described as the best and most important relationship that can exist between them. It is the construction of their love and trust into a single growing energy of spiritual life. It is amoral commitment that requires and deserves daily attention. Marriage should be a lifelong consecration of the ideal of loving kindness – backed with the will to make it last.

"Do you Emmett take Rosalie to be your wife – to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

His smile was wide and contagious. "I do."

"Do you Rosalie take Emmett to be your husband – to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"May I have the rings?" He took the ring from Bella and looked at me in waiting. I reached into my pocket, felt around for the ring and pulled out the circular semblance. However, when the ring came out, so did something else that fell to the floor in front of the pastor's feet. And yes, there in front of the bride and the groom and God and the preacher was Bella's birth control.

I watched as their faces turned from one of surprise to one of confusion and then finally…understanding. The pastor's eyes were bulging, and Bella's face flushed as she too recognized the small pill package lying on the ground of the church that had popped open when it fell.

Emmett's head turned to look at me. I felt my ears burn as I whispered, "Sorry," then proceeded to bend down as discreetly as possible and pick up the pills and slip them back in my pocket. The pastor's hand was still out-stretched and waiting as I placed the ring into it, ignoring the deep snickers behind me .

He cracked his neck some, cleared his throat but continued on. "Emmett, in placing this ring on Rosalie's finger, repeat after me: Rosalie, you are now consecrated to me as my wife from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed.

"Rosalie, in placing this ring on Emmett's finger, repeat after me: Emmett, you are now consecrated to me as my husband from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed."

The rings were placed. The words were spoken. It was joyous. Bella's eyes were on mine, still blushing as she smiled and laughed silently with a small shake of her head. I returned her smile. It was all still right. This world, this life. It was all still right.

'_I love you,' _I mouthed the words to her. Her eyes went wide for a moment. She really didn't realize that this was me…trying. This was me trying so hard for her. It was the first time to ever utter those words whether I was really speaking them or just breathing them, but it was something. Right? I was growing. Right? But slowly, she smiled and nodded, repeating the same words in silence back to me. I felt like I was making the same vows as the couple in front of me. It felt like this was the same commitment. Was it not? One small step for anyone else…one giant leap for me.

"May you always share with each other the gifts of love – be one in heart and in mind – may you always create a home together that puts in your hearts – love – generosity and kindness.

"In as much as Emmett and Rosalie have consented together in marriage before this company of friends and family and have pledged their faith – and declared their unity by giving and receiving a ring – are now joined.

"You have pronounced yourselves husband and wife but remember to always be each other's best friend.

"What – therefore – God has joined together – let no man put asunder.

"And so, by the power vested in me by the State of Washington and Almighty God, I now pronounce you man and wife – and may your days be good and long upon the earth.

"You may now kiss the bride."

And kiss, he did.

"I Just Called to Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder began to play as the congregation began to clap, and as Emmett and Rosalie made their way the same way they came only this time together joined as man and wife. In unison, the groomsmen did as we were told and pulled from our pockets, sunglasses. I made sure to grab mine from the pocket that didn't house Bella's birth control pills to pull my Ray-Bans out and slip them over my eyes.

Bella took my arm once again, and together we joined and walked back up the aisle. People were laughing and smiling…some were crying in elation, but I thought of nothing except my leap of faith hanging on my arm.

"Wanna tell me why you threw my birth control pills at the nice pastor?" Bella whispered through her smile as we continued down the aisle.

I laughed. "Just wanted to make sure he knew we were being safe."

She looked up at me and giggled, giving my arm a gentle squeeze. Familiar faces watched us as we walked steadily down the aisle until we were back to the double doors from which we came. Emmett and Rosalie were wrapped in a passionate kiss by the time we made it back to them. Bella was a giggling, crying mess when she squealed and jumped up and down in joy, tugging on my arm the entire time. I laughed along with her before wrapping my arms around her and lifting her off the ground as I spun her around, kissing all over her face. Her eyes, her cheeks, her forehead, her jaw, her lips. She was still giggling while she held her arms around my neck.

"I've decided," I told her in between kisses.

"You've decided what?" she asked in between laughs.

"I've decided that I love weddings."

"Hey Edward…try to leave your lady pills in your purse next time," Blake's voice rang in my ear as I set Bella back on her feet while she kept giggling.

"Oh you think that's funny?" I asked her, holding her hips and pressing my forehead against hers. "If you hadn't forgotten your pills, this would have never happened, little lady." She continued to giggle and laugh and look so utterly and imaginably beautiful that I wondered if it could have been us. Did we get married today? The thought shook me, but not enough to make me wish any different.

Stevie Wonder kept singing while our friends and my family were escorted back to us as well. Soon enough, Bella and I were back to being squished together in a huge crowd of people. But this time, their focus was on congratulating the bride and groom. But my attention was set on Bella as she sang along with the words, obviously loving the song.

And once the song was almost over, she leaned into me and whispered two lines while Stevie Wonder's voice kept singing and while chaos and commotion surrounded us, "_But what it is, though old so new to fill your heart like no three words could ever do_."

All I had to do was say them.

The reception was one big party. It was held in a large banquet hall at The Fairmont Olympic Hotel in Seattle. It was a large, four star hotel which I could only imagine how expensive it was for Emmett. But it really was spectacular. The banquet hall continued the theme of black, white, yellow and green like the cathedral. The room was littered with huge round tables with white table clothes and green runners, dawned with large yellow centerpieces and little name tags in front of each stark white seat.

Bella and I were seated at the largest table with the rest of my family and Rosalie's. We waited patiently for the happy couple to arrive, sipping champagne and talking about the wedding with my parents. My mother was much, much more relaxed than this morning, and if you looked close enough into her eyes, they were noticeably red and dilated with shed tears. She was no longer stressed out and worried, instead, all of it was now gone with joy and happiness in its place.

Finally, Emmett and Rosalie arrived through the hall's double doors with large, happy grins on their faces, and with red lipstick stains covering Emmett's lips down to his chin. It was an endearing sight which had Bella and I laughing.

I met Bella's mom and stepdad. Well, by "met" I mean "talked to" for the first time because they most certainly already knew me. Renee hugged me fiercely and whispered in my ear how handsome I looked and how happy Bella looked. She might have looked a lot like Bella, but they could not have been more opposite. Meeting Phil was like a dream come true, however. His pro baseball career over that past couple of years had been highly extraordinary, but he seemed very laid-back and down-to-earth. I hope I didn't come off as a crazed fan in front Bella. If I did, she didn't say anything.

Emmett and Rosalie had their first dance to "Come Away with Me" by Norah Jones, and it was perfect. They were perfect. About halfway through the song, Rosalie motioned over Emmett's shoulder for Alice and Bella to join them. So, Jasper and I followed them, and I slow danced with Bella in my arms while everyone watched.

The DJ picked up the pace after that, and then the reception was nothing but just a huge expensive, extravagant party. All of our friends were there (mostly for the open bar) and most of them I had no idea who they were, but I think I was getting more and more used to the familiar faces who knew me. Yes, I was becoming a pro at lying.

All of the fraternity brothers gathered around Rosalie in a big circle as we all sang to her. Of course, I didn't know the song, but I faked it. It was apparently a song that was a tradition to sing to the bride at her wedding if she marries an Omega and was once a Sweetheart. It was slow and rhythmical, but the guys were pretty much trashed while singing it so I couldn't quite catch all of the slurred lyrics to tell what exactly the song was about.

And after that, the Phi Mu girls gathered around Rosalie as well and sang a song to her while holding hands and moving around in a circle. It was slow too, but it wasn't slurred or off key at all. I heard every word.

_Picture a girl of beauty rare  
Picture a girl, so sweet and fair  
Dressed in a gown of rose and white  
Radiant in the candlelight  
Frame it an inspiration true  
Then let it fill the heart of you  
A picture of a Phi Mu girl will be  
A sister for you and for me_

Once that was over with, Blake took all of the groomsmen outside to decorate Emmett's car. We used white car-window paint and shaving cream on all of Emmett's windows. My mom came out there with us to make sure that nothing too "inappropriate" was written on his car. So, Blake had to scrub off the giant dick and balls that he wrote "Just Married" in on the back window and just leave the words once Esme saw it. But when she wasn't looking, he blew up a condom and tied it to the radio antenna on the hood.

When we were done with our masterpiece and ready to go back inside, Esme pulled me away from the others and asked me to talk to her for a moment. I agreed, even though I wanted to go back inside just to see who Bella was dancing with now, (_yeah, I know, pretty pathetic, huh?)_, so we sat on the edge of a large fountain by ourselves in the very front of the hotel.

She set her small clutch purse in her lap onto of her knees and opened the clasp but stopped before she took anything out. She looked at me, smiling with tears glistening in her eyes once again.

"Mom? Are you okay?" I asked her.

She took my hand and squeezed it in her own on top of my knee still locking her watery eyes on mine. "I just want you to know that I love Bella. I could not have picked out a better woman for you, Edward. She's beautiful, of course, but she is also sweet and kind and nurturing. She loves you so much, and that's…that's all I ever wanted for you. Growing up, you were different than your brothers. You didn't have girlfriends or date that much so you were never falling in and out of love. And for a while, your father and I worried that maybe you were better off alone. But then you met her, and I knew that you were just waiting for the right person to fall in love with all along."

I didn't say anything while she talked. I sat, motionless and expressionless, listening to the wise words of someone who knew me before and after all the lies.

She continued on, "I am so, so proud of you. And I know that my mother would have been too. That's why I'm giving you what you asked me for."

And slowly, she took out something from her purse and set it in my hand that was previously holding hers.

I looked down, examining the small object. It was a tiny, black box.

* * *

**A/N: You're welcome for the less than a week update. I graduated college and now I'm unemployed so lots of time on my hands at the moment while I search for a job and figure out what I want to do from here. **

**But I like updating on Saturdays so I think I'm going to stick with that. Thank you for your kind words. **

**I love weddings so I went into a lot of detail and ended up making the chapter a hell of a lot longer than I meant to. I'm wordy sometimes. Do you like weddings?**

**Don't forget to look at the links on my profile. **

**'Preciate you.**


	14. Everything

**A/N: Sorry I'm late. Lots of reviews since last time. I'm so happy! Love yall! This one took a while. I went back and forth about it. Should they or shouldn't they? Too soon? Anyway, you'll see what I decided on soon. One of my favorite chapters so far and also my longest. You're welcome. Excuse the errors. It's late here.**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Everything

I stared at the box. It was such a simple thing. Black. Square. Small. But it felt heavy in my hand. It burned, and I hadn't even opened it yet. But I knew. Who wouldn't know? It was so, _so_ obvious. I should have expected this, but I didn't. I was so, _so_ stupid for not seeing this.

I was silent and kept eyes locked on the object. There it was. In my hand. In my possession. And all I had to do was open it. I could act happy and excited. I could act thankful and relieved. I could act like this was some special moment with a man and his mother because it is. Isn't it? It's what's expected, right? I shouldn't feel weird about this, but I do. I shouldn't wish this really wasn't happening. I shouldn't feel like a pawn on a chess board…waiting for the next move. But I do.

Esme was waiting. Her face was relaxed and so, _so_ achingly joyful. It broke me. Her face was slowly breaking me. So I opened it. I opened it, and immediately closed it back. I was right. I am so, _so_ stupid.

It was perfect.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Her expression turned to confusion. I was hurting her now. I hurt Bella. I hurt Esme. It was all lies. All of it.

"I can't do this." I was soft with my tone, but my words were hard and honest. This…thing was heavy. It burned. Slowly, I set the box back into her hand, giving it back.

"What are you talking about? Is it not what you wanted?"

Is this what I wanted? Is this _not_ what I wanted? I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for_ any_ of this. I hung my head low in between my shoulders and shut my eyes tight. My stomach was in knots, and there was a prominent hole in my chest. I felt pain, but the source of it all was unknown and foreign.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"I just can't, Ma. Please, take it back."

She shoved the thing back into my hands. "I will not! Edward…" she was scolding me like I was a child. "I wouldn't give this to you if I didn't think you were ready."

"You don't understand."

"Then, what is it? Tell me what's wrong!"

I opened it back up. It was so pretty. It looked like Bella. It was old and antique looking. It was dark outside in the front courtyard of the hotel, but there were lights from on top of the fountain from which we sat that streamed against the diamonds making them shine and turn colors. The hole in my chest grew.

"You're wrong. I'm not ready." I wanted to hold it in between my fingers. I wanted to run my fingers along each sparkling diamond. But I felt like I was tainted. I was too dirty. I shut the object once again. I shouldn't have looked at it. Why did I look? "I couldn't do this to Bella. She doesn't deserve this." I was talking about me. Not the ring.

"Bella would say yes, Edward. What are you afraid of?"

And that's just it. I knew she would say yes. She loves me. God only knows why, but she does. She loves me more than I probably realize and definitely more than I deserve. And that's exactly why I can't ask her. She would say yes without knowing my lies. She would just be _that_ much further down into my pit of blatant lies.

"I just can't. _Please_. Please take it back."

"Absolutely not, Edward. You asked me months ago for my mother's engagement ring so you could give it to her. Then, when I do, you decide that you want the biggest diamond replaced with an even larger, newer one. So I did that, and the whole time it was being worked on, you pestered and pestered me about it. You were so impatient! And now that it's finally done, you suddenly don't want it? _What happened, Edward?_ What happened between the time you asked me for it and now, huh?"

"_Edward?"_ My name was being called from far away. The voice was sweet and fleeting in the cool breeze of the night. I whirled my head around in the direction of the voice. In the distance was Bella, running towards us. Her hair had fallen throughout the day, and her curls were now dangling against her shoulders and down her sides. She was smiling as she ran. "Edward!"

"Edward, keep it. Just keep it for now. Think about it. Whatever it is that's going on…it'll pass. I promise," Esme said. She kept her voice low even though Bella was still far away.

"How do you know?"

She smiled. "Because I have faith that it will."

Her cupped my hand with hers and closed my fingers around the thing. It still felt heavy as I put it in my pocket and stood up. Bella reached us just in time. She was smiling and panting from her run with her cheeks slightly pink and flushed.

"You gotta come get Rose's cousin away from me. He keeps pouncing on me every time I stop dancing with someone. There's only so many times that I can dance with Seth before he crashes…" Her grin slowly diminished when she took in my own expression and that of my mother's. Clearly recognizing the mood she had encountered with us, she reached forward slowly and stroked my forearm. Her touch was feather-light, but it was soothing nonetheless. "Hey. What's going on?" she asked, looking into my eyes still petting my arm.

"Nothing, dear. I'm sorry for keeping Edward so long. I just had to apologize to him for my behavior this morning. I believe I was a little overwhelmed with the wedding and everything," Esme replied, smiling as reassuringly as possible. To me, it seemed comically forced and fake. "I'm just going to go back inside. Don't be too long. Rose and Emmett will be leaving soon."

She patted my shoulder and cupped Bella's cheek before leaving us in silence. I could feel Bella's questioning eyes on me still. And I was such a coward so I kept gazing at my ridiculously shiny shoes and trying not to think of the heavy burden in my pocket.

"Edward?" She said my name so sweetly. She really cared. She _really_ cared. "What's wrong?"

And I should have told her. I should have recounted every lie and owned up to everything because that would have been the right thing to do, right? It wouldn't have been easy, and she would have probably still loved me and cared for me the way she has known how to for years. But there was always the possibility of her running. And that was what stopped me. If there was even the smallest likelihood of hurting her even more than I had already, then I would not tell her. I would keep lying…keep playing this role because as much as I hated all the lies and bull shit I needed her more.

Her eyes were dark and searching as I looked at her beautiful face in the soft glow of the night. I ran my thumb against the swell of her cheekbone with my hands holding her face delicately as I smiled at her. "You're so goddamn beautiful."

She smiled back at me but allowed her eyes to keep searching mine, looking for answers. Something I didn't have for her. "I…uh…I got something," she stammered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's kinda silly, and you may not want to use it. But…" her voice trailed as she looked down at her purse in her hand.

"What is it, baby?"

She slowly opened her bag and took out a small card with the Fairmont Olympic Hotel's name written across one side. "I got us a room for the night."

I took the key and smiled. This might have been the opposite of what should have been happening. Scratch that, I was positive that this was not the proper way to do this. But I was tired of fighting it. I was tired of denying her. I was tired of not giving into what seemed so natural. I was tired of acting like I didn't want her every second of every day. I was tired of being alone. And right then, nothing in this world…not a ring…not a very fucked up dream…not an internal struggle within me could have kept me from saying anything but yes to her over and over again. I was tired of it all.

I wrapped my arm around her waist, pressed my lips to hers briefly and said, "I don't think there's anything silly about that."

We went back inside just in time to watch Emmett and Rosalie leave. I was at Bella's side when she wrapped Rose in a bone-crushing hug, whaling and crying between the two of them. While they were grabbing onto to each other for dear life, I hugged Emmett and whispered, "Congratulations" in his ear. He said something about getting laid tonight for the first time in a very long (too long) time tonight, but laughed afterwards and promised me that this would be me in his place soon.

It hurt me more than it probably should, but I ultimately smiled and agreed with him wholeheartedly. Another lie.

But for tonight, I wouldn't let it get to me. Tonight, I was hers, and she was mine. Tonight, my lies to her would cease, and I would be honest in my actions and in my words. Tonight, we were nothing but two people in love. Tonight, she owned me. Tonight was _the_ night.

We watched as they came out in regular clothes to get on their plane to Hawaii for eight days and dowsed them in birdseed and more joyful tears and farewells. Finally, they got in their decorated car and left us behind as they rode off into the darkness together. Afterwards, we went back inside and kept the night going. I was talking to my grandparents about work (which I honestly was making up the entire time) and some about Bella when I looked to my side, and she wasn't there. I was turning my head in every direction searching for my petite brunette in the simple black dress.

"Uh, honey," my grandmother said. She was pointing out on the dance floor in the very middle where the object of my desire was once again laughing and dancing with arms wrapped around her waist. I saw a tall man with sandy blonde hair by her side. My dad. Again.

My grandparents were chuckling behind me as I whispered, "Every damn time." I sighed and shook my head, but ultimately couldn't help but smile as my father laughed, enhancing the small but prominent wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. Bella was awkwardly dancing with him to Usher's song "Yeah". Her head was thrown back in deep, hysterical laughter while watching my father dance embarrassingly to the hip hop song. The usual popular yet over-played wedding reception songs had been blaring from the DJ stand all night long.

"Think we need to be worried?" Esme asked with an amused smile as she came to stand by me and watch the happy couple on the dance floor.

I snorted with a laugh. "They're always dancing together. If it wasn't so funny to watch, then I might have a reason to be worried."

She laughed but the look in her eyes was far off and wandering. "Your dad wanted a daughter so bad, Edward." I felt a soft hand graze into mine and rest there in a gentle hold.

"Yeah, well, I'm certainly glad Bella's not my sister," I snorted again.

I heard her laugh softly. "And I'm certainly glad she'll be our daughter one day."

I nodded and smiled. Suddenly, the fight wasn't in me. Not anymore. I kissed Esme's temple and hugged her to me. I felt her shake underneath my hold as trembling sobs left her chest. I wanted to believe that she was crying not because of sadness for our talk earlier but because of the emotional day it had been for her. So I held her while she cried against my chest and held onto my shirt and the lapels of my suit. I couldn't ever remember ever holding my mother like this before.

When the song was over, an out-of-breath Carlisle tapped her on the shoulder then took her into his own arms. He smiled at me over her shoulder while he led her to dance floor as the slow music of Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" started to play.

I always loved the song, and I desperately wanted to hold Bella in my arms so I searched for her once again, looking all over the room. I finally found her in the arms of Charlie, swaying back and forth. He looked so happy with her head lying sweetly against his chest, and I didn't want to disturb them no matter how badly I wanted to be close to Bella at the moment. But I saw Renee sitting at a table nearby sipping champagne, and I thought for a moment about how it might be a little presumptuous of me to ask her to dance after just meeting her and only knowing her but for only a short amount of time. But then, like a slap on the forehead, I remembered how I'd known her for much longer and the idea of asking her to dance seemed just right and not at all presumptuous.

So I did, and she smiled proudly and agreed. I took us close to Charlie and Bella, hoping maybe to switch partners at some point. This song was just…sexy. And I so desperately needed her touch while I sang softly to her in her ear. It took a minute, but Bella finally noticed Renee and I swaying by her side. Her smile was breathtaking, and she looked so damn happy that my heart skipped a beat.

Almost as soon as she recognized us and smiled, I saw her whisper to Charlie in his ear, and my heart did a little happy-dance when he nodded and she left his embrace.

Renee and I stilled whenever Bella approached us. "Do you mind if I cut in?" she asked Renee, smiling.

"That was gonna be my line to Charlie," I smiled back.

"You're too slow."

"You're too impatient," I quipped.

She laughed, and it was beautiful. Renee chuckled at us, but ultimately kissed Bella and I on the cheek and walked off…into the arms of the Chief. Charlie was watching me over her shoulder, and the look on his face was somewhat tense but truly, he looked mostly content. I smirked at him, motioning towards Renee which earned me a roll of his eyes but then a soft chuckle as he drew her closer as they swayed.

I took Bella's hand into my own, laying our joined hands over my heart while also wrapping my other arm around her waist bringing her as close to me as possible. She was so much shorter than me that she could only rest the top of her head against my chin, but it was a close and intimate gesture like she was willing to give herself to me…which only made me think of the room key in my pocket…which made me think of what we would be doing in that room later…which made me hard. Well, hard_er_ because I had been hard the moment she showed me the key.

I felt underneath my fingertips splayed across her lower back light vibrations, and I realized she was humming the tune of the song.

"I love this song," I commented.

"Mmm…" she hummed in response. I thought to myself how good this felt…to hold her, dance with her, love her. My dick got harder, and not because of her light vibrations or the room key or her close proximity but because I knew that without a doubt there would never be anyone else that could ever make me feel this way.

So I sang to her…softly and gently into her hair. I sang the words to an all too sexy, all too true song that made my heart race and the anticipation in my stomach tremble.

"_I feel wonderful because I see the love light in your eyes. And the wonder of it all is that you just don't realize how much I love you."_

Her arm that was draped over my shoulder tightened as I sang, silently telling me of her given indication that this wasn't close enough for her. I'd really, I'd give her anything. So I released her hand on my chest and gripped both sides of her waist, bringing her even closer to me and leaving no space between us. She looked up into my eyes, and I rested my forehead against hers, locking our intimate stare.

It's a funny thing…to lock eyes with someone for a long period of time, isn't it? It can leave you completely bare and feeling undeniably exposed. You know they can see everything…every emotion, every feeling. Nothing withheld. There aren't any secrets or any lies. When you are staring at someone and they are watching you just as closely, if you're not careful, it can be disastrous and sometimes quite awkward. The eyes really are the best indication of the soul within, and if they won't let you in or if they won't let you see then it's so easy for them to divert their eyes. No effort at all. But right here with her, watching pools of blue that didn't show any sign of sadness or anger or worry or loss for the first time, I knew she was seeing me too. Everything. And my only hope was that she saw only what I cared for her to see.

"_And then I tell her, as I turn out the light, I say, 'My darling, you were wonderful tonight. Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight'."_

As the song ended, she didn't pull away from me. She only smiled and swiveled her hips only slightly but enough to rub up against my painfully hard erection. I groaned and gripped her waist, stilling her.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked playfully.

She giggled and tried to do it again but was held under my hard grip. "You think I didn't notice how hard you were the whole time?" she smiled all cute and mischievous. "It's been poking me in the stomach the whole time."

"Out of My Head" by Fastball started to play. And while the song wasn't fast, the beat was still faster than the last song, so I jokingly rubbed my erection against her one last time before taking her hand and spinning her. She laughed as I brought her back into my arms, swaying and rocking us a little faster for this song.

"Every guy in here has their eyes on you," I whispered in her ear as I leaned down while we danced.

Her eyes searched the room once before she looked back at me, smiling. "Is that why you keep rubbing yourself against me?"

"Maybe." I smiled and laid a small kiss on the side of her neck. "I'm marking my territory." She rolled her eyes but ultimately smiled. "I hope my dad saw it."

She slapped my shoulder causing me to laugh and hold her even closer to me. I was still painfully hard, and the slightest friction that her body was giving me as we rocked back and forth together in sync was definitely not helping. But I couldn't stop, nor did I really want to. I knew she could feel it, and I truthfully believed that that fact only had me more excited and aroused.

She was looking at me all innocent and childlike from above her thick lashes, not smiling or smirking, just looking at me with her lips slightly parted and her sweet breath grazing my chin. And in that moment, I didn't care who was watching or who was around…in fact, I think all of it only lit a bigger fire under my ass so I leaned down the rest of the way until my lips filled hers. We kissed languidly at first, enjoying the feel of a kiss that wasn't supposed to mean anything or cause questions in either of our heads. It was wonderful and perfect, and I didn't want to stop.

I felt like a teenager getting kissed for the first time. My whole body was tingling like a cool breeze had rushed forward all the way to my toes. I felt her fingers brush the small hairs on the back of my neck. There it was again. The tingles. Our bodies quit swaying, no longer giving a fuck about the song or dancing or even the fact that we were molesting each other's mouth in front of hundreds of our family and closest friends. And I no longer gave a fuck about how long I had truly known her or the fucking engagement ring in my pocket or the fact that I might be going crazy after this whole messed up experience. Instead, I only gave a fuck about the tingles and not the lies.

Her tongue was hot and wet and soft as it slid effortlessly with mine in my mouth. It moved slowly and lazily against mine while she moaned soft sex-whimpers into my mouth which sent tremors down to my cock. It was twitching and begging for help inside my pants and against her body. She wiggled her hips only slightly but still enough for me groan and fight against the idea of stopping her and asking her to do it again.

I tore away from her lips only long enough to whisper, "Let's get out of here."

She opened her eyes and nodded vigorously before I captured her lips for another long kiss. And as she opened her mouth to use her tongue again, I pulled away. There was no way I would have stopped if I allowed myself to taste her yet again. She sex-whimpered as usual at the loss of contact, but I smiled at her and jerked her hand so we could say goodnight to our families and get up to our room as quickly as fucking possible.

Bella was a bit more gracious. She smiled and hugged Renee and Phil like nothing animalistic or impure was about to happen. It was still early in the night, and a few people gave us questioning looks when we said that we were tired and wanted to turn in for the night.

But no one more than Charlie.

"Where are you going?" he asked Bella but was looking at me as she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"We're going home, dad. We're tired. It's been a long day, and we both have to be up early," she replied, smoothly and without hesitation. All lies. He looked at her then back at me. He seemed to be thinking for a moment before he responded.

"Are you coming to your apartment tonight?" he asked. I groaned as softly as possible, shifting my weight from one leg to the other to elevate the ache of my balls between them. It wasn't working.

"No, dad. I'm staying at Edward's with everyone else," she lied…again.

"Well, I'll just ride with you then. You could drop me by your place on the way there, right?"

Bella was silent for a moment as she thought. I ghosted my fingers across the soft skin on the back of her neck causing her to shiver a little only enough for me to notice. Well…me and my grossly enamored, hard as titanium cock.

"I'm sorry. We didn't drive. We rode with some friends, and I think their car's full. I'm sure Carlisle and Esme wouldn't mind though." My already turning pale blue balls clapped in success at her lies.

Charlie didn't seem pleased with her answer but accepted it after much consideration and several shooting glares at me. "You'll come see me in the morning before I leave though, right?"

She nodded and kissed him one last time on his other cheek. "Of course. Bye, dad!"

I took her by her hand again and led her across the room to find my parents. "I just want to tell Esme that we won't be home tonight. I don't want her to worry," I told her as I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to my side.

"Oh, Edward. Please, don't. She's gonna know what we're doing," she begged, her blue eyes wide and pleading.

I chuckled and kissed her temple. "She won't care, Bella. Trust me."

We found them standing close by talking to Rose and Blake's parents. I tapped Esme on the shoulder, smiling and telling the Hale's "excuse us" before leading her away for a moment. I noticed Bella scoot behind me some to hide her flushed face. Esme must have noticed too because she smiled at us and glanced at our interlocked fingers.

"What's going on?" she asked, glancing at Bella then up at me.

"We're, uh, we won't be home tonight," I answered.

"Oh, ok. You're leaving?"

"Well…no. Not really." I watched as her face went from confusion to instant understanding. Then, she might as well have been jumping for joy and clapping because the look on her face demonstrated as much. It was like we told her we were about to give her their first grandchild.

"Oh! How nice! Ok, well you two take your time and have fun! We'll see you tomorrow!"

Ignoring Bella's groan and even deeper blush, I thanked Esme, said good bye then grabbed Bella's hand again and pulled her out of the ballroom towards the lobby of the hotel.

"I. Want. To. Die," Bella mumbled as we all but ran to the elevators.

I chuckled while snuggling her close to my side and wrapping my arm across her back, laying my hand on her hip. I kissed the top of her head and said in her hair, "Don't be so silly, Swan. I don't care if that whole room full of people knows what we're about to do." My voice was low and suggestive while trying to sound seductive and sexy. I felt her body shiver and tremble from underneath my arm.

"Don't start with me, Dr. Cullen," she replied, looking up at me through hooded eyes while lowering voice like mine.

_Damn. _That sentence went straight from her red pouty lips to my achingly hard groin.

Everything about Bella excited me. And it wasn't just _all_ about the way she looked, even though just looking at her aroused me, but it was some of the little things that made me just as keyed up, and most were things she never realized she did. Like how she was always touching me whether it was just small, languid pets or light scratches on the back of my head or across my back. Like how she looked at me certain ways when I just _knew_ that she was turned on, kind of like right now…all innocent but still devilishly hungry for me. Like how she ran her fingers through her hair and how it spilled right back into place. Like how those fucking black fingernails of hers would reach out and hold my hand in our usual pinkie-clasp. Like how she smelled of delicious cotton candy and raspberries. It was a mixture of all things Bella. She turned me on like no woman ever had before.

And now, I was tapping my shiny-shoed foot against the granite floor waiting on the fucking elevator. "What floor are we on?" I snapped feeling incredibly anxious and really, _really_ fucking impatient.

She looked down at the sleeve of paper in her hand where the key had been nestled inside. "Uh, 18."

"_Fuck._" I was hoping for maybe four or even ten. I would definitely climb ten flights of stairs in under twenty seconds if it meant getting up to our room and unleashing my incredibly hard cock any faster. But _eighteen_ flights? I didn't want to be tired when I got up there.

My heart was pounding in my chest, and my palms were clammy on top of Bella's waist. And then suddenly, I was sixteen again and about to lose my virginity. I leaned down some, ghosting the tip of my nose against the long expanse of her neck causing her to shiver once again as air exhaled from within me. My fingers rubbed lightly at the back of her neck like I had done earlier in front of her father. I watched as she closed her eyes and sex-whimpered with her pouty, red lips slightly parted. I licked mine in a nervous, excited habit as I thought of all the ways I could make her whimper like that once we were upstairs.

_God, is the elevator broken?_

"Hey!" Blake's voice called to us from across the lobby just as the elevator alerted us of its doors _fucking finally _opening. "Hey! Wait up!"

"Get in," I growled in Bella's ear as an older couple moved to the side and exited the elevator.

"But Blake…" she started.

"Fuck him. Get in," I repeated with another growl, causing the older couple to turn and watch us with confused and slightly scared looks as I practically pushed Bella through the elevator doors.

I could hear the click of Blake's shiny shoes like mine against the tile of the lobby as I frantically pressed the floor 18 button like it would hurry and close the faster and harder I pressed. Luckily, the doors shut just in time to stop Blake and muffle his shouts of protest as the elevator began to ascend.

"Edward, what if he…" she protested, gesturing with her finger pointed towards the double doors in front of us. But I silenced her with my mouth on hers, murmuring more curses and profanities as our lips moved in our usual dancing rhythm. I felt the soft buzzing vibrations of my phone from inside my pocket, but I knew it was Blake who more than likely was just going to bust my nuts about rushing upstairs with Bella. And I definitely didn't give a fuck about talking to him right before I had the best sex of my life. At that moment, he didn't exist. No one did but her and the sex-whimpers she made.

She sighed, giving herself over to me graciously as I backed her up against the wall of the elevator, letting my palm press against the wall by her head while my other hand clutched her hip. She arched her back, rubbing her boobs across my torso then letting her body roll until her hips snaked over my erection. It was a sexy dancer-like move that, again, about made me come. Then, I thought about how extra hot that move will be when she's on top riding me all night. And once again, I about jizzed my pants.

"_Fuck_, don't do that," I mumbled against her lips which, of course, made her do it again except this time pressing her boobs even more firmly into my chest then rolling her body until her center wiggled harder against the bulge in my pants. "I said…" I took both of her tiny arms into my hands and pressed them roughly above her head, "…_don't do that_." I looked into her eyes, seeing if she was enjoying my rougher, dirtier side. Her eyes were wide and smoldering while a small, devilish smile adorned her pretty face.

Without the use of her arms still underneath my grasp, she snaked her right leg around my hip, locking her ankle around the back of my leg and pulling me closer to her until my lips were placed against hers once again. She tasted of champagne and lust which made me feel high and drunk and light-headed all at the same time.

Finally, _finally_, the elevator dinged, and the doors opened. I didn't know the exact room number so I followed Bella, fisting my hands at my sides so I wouldn't keep molesting her as we walked down the narrow hallway while passing different couples and small, easily-influenced children. Each one gave us tight smiles which I would have gladly returned if it wasn't for my enflamed dick and tight, ready-to-explode-on-impact balls that were wearing me and my resolve down quickly. But Bella was as sweet as ever and polite as she smiled and ducked her head slightly embarrassed at the naughty and quite dirty things that we had planned just beyond the hallway.

Whenever we reached the end of the corridor was when I realized that the last room was ours just as she slid the key and opened the large gold door that read "Honeymoon Suite".

"Bella?" I whispered, stepping in and glancing around the huge, exquisite room. "Did you really pay for us to stay the night in the honeymoon suite?"

I immediately felt guilty and made a mental note to pick up the expenses for the room when we checked out tomorrow morning.

But she giggled and threw down her purse on a side table next to the sitting area. "No. Rosalie and Emmett were going to stay here, but they decided to book the red eye out to Hawaii for tonight," she replied. "I guess so they could get there earlier." She stalked towards me all stealth-like and sexy and vicious, making me raise my eyebrows and stop to watch her. When she was close to me, she whispered, "And since it was paid for already, I thought 'what the hell', ya know?" she asked as she ran her hands up my chest and around my neck.

"Did you plan this?" I asked with a smile as my hands moved at their own accord to her waist.

"Well, er, no. I asked Rose about it this morning so I didn't exactly get to pack anything…" she suddenly seemed nervous and unsure. I thought maybe for a brief moment that she thought I might reject her…yet again. And really, in truth, I thought about it. In fact, I probably should have. But…ya know what?

_Fuck it._

I slid to my knees before her. I knelt in front of her in reverence, my knees to the ground beneath her feet in worship. I kept eye contact with her as she watched me. A small smile laid on her pretty, pink lips still plump and pouty from our heated kisses and her face slightly reddened from my five o'clock shadow. I took her foot into my hands and lifted off her tiny black heel then showed the same concentration and respect to the other. I took a moment to smile and chuckle at her black toenail polish, slightly chipped and perfect in its own imperfectness.

I laid my hands on the outsides of her ankles, ghosting them slowly up the sides of her legs and feeling her smooth, soft milky skin underneath my rough fingertips. I could smell her cotton candy lotion and wondered for a moment if I were to wake up without her tomorrow, would I ever be able to find that scent again? I pushed the thought away as my hands crept up her outer thighs and up under her dress. I looked into her darkened blue irises, thinking she had never looked more beautiful. She watched me with intensity, letting me worship her, letting me bow down in front of her on my knees and worship her.

My hands crept higher and higher until I felt the lace strings of her thong settled on each of her hips. I could feel the very prominent jut of her hipbones and immediately thought she might be a little too thin, but she had the body of a dancer and a gymnast. It was just who she was. She wasn't too skinny or too muscular. She was perfect. Of course.

I didn't pull the strings of her delicate underwear down, instead, I moved my hands around her and kneading the flesh of her plump, bare-to-the-touch and so, _so_ luscious and creamy backside. The skin was just as soft and smooth as that of her legs. I swallowed a lump in my throat and felt the bob of my Adam's apple under her gaze as she ran her fingernails into my scalp, brushing my hair back from out of my face. She never once tensed or felt at all uncomfortable under my incessant kneading of the bare skin of her bottom. Instead, she let out a breathy moan and kept petting my hair.

I removed my hands from under her dress and immediately hugged her waist tightly, overlapping my arms behind her. I felt the soft satin of her dress caress my cheek as I held my head against her stomach…just hugging her to me in a firm embrace. She awkwardly hugged my shoulders back, and I felt her kiss the top of my head in return. The ring in my pocket felt a little less heavy. The pain in my chest felt a little less painful. My guilt and lies felt a little less prominent.

I looked up at her again, still hugging her waist. There had never been better time than this.

"I love you," I breathed. Her eyes widen for a moment but then softened, and she smiled. "Did you know that?"

"Yes," she breathed in return. "I just needed to hear it."

"I've never told anyone that before."

Her smile grew. "I'm honored." And so was I.

I stood back up before her until she was eye level with my collarbone, and then I kissed her…long, soft and languid. It wasn't the same frantic and heated kisses from the elevator, _no_, these were kisses like you would kiss someone for the first time. They were almost timid and delicate, until she opened her mouth and licked along my bottom lip. I framed her face with my hands while she fisted my shirt at my stomach. And as our tongues danced as one together, I felt her fingers trail upwards from my stomach to my tie which she pulled at roughly until it was loosened enough for us to break apart for a moment to lift it above my head and throw it aside. Our mouths were joined back together the next second while she worked the buttons of my shirt slowly, feeling around the ripples of my chest and stomach for each button. She tugged the shirt until it freed my pants, and finally, she let her fingers trail up my chest to my shoulders and pushed my shirt and jacket together to the floor behind me.

"I think I loved you from the moment I first saw you," I whispered against her lips, and her hands pulled at my belt buckle. "Do you believe that's possible?"

"What? Love at first sight?" she asked, kissing my neck and chest as she finally got the belt undone and was working on the buttons of my trousers.

"Well, yes, but deeper than that."

"What's deeper than love?" she asked me, momentarily stopping her assault on my chest to look up at me with wide, questioning eyes.

"Like…destiny and fate. Magic even." I wasn't making any sense. I wasn't even sure what I was trying to tell her. _Why am I even talking?_ I helped finish unfastening my pants and threw them to the side along with my socks and shoes. I touched her face reverently as she looked at me still questioning and beautiful while I stood only in a pair of plain, black boxers. "Bella," I whispered, touching her face then down her neck and around her ear, "I just know that something big…something powerful and beyond our control has led us to one another. I believe with all my heart that we were meant to be together, and our whole lives before we knew one another was only a way for us to ultimately be together, to love each other because we aren't whole without the other. And Bella, I know that I've been…_hurting you_. But please believe me now when I say that there is nowhere else in this world that I meant to be but right here with you."

I briefly wondered to myself if other people in love felt this way. This all-consuming need and devotion to one person. I wondered if this was what my parents felt or Rose and Emmett or Jasper and Alice. I wondered if they felt this way towards each other, and after all this time, after all these years, did Bella feel the same way towards me? Was this what love was like for everyone? Had I really been missing out on this for so long?

Bella's oceans were slightly glassy but no tears fell. Her eyes were scanning and jumping back and forth from each one of mine. I wondered what she could possibly be thinking. She didn't seem entirely happy at my confession but then again she didn't seem sad either. I wondered if she believed me. I wondered if she was thinking about how much I'd changed over the past few weeks or how she wished that I would change back. I had hoped that I would be enough for her, but I, of course, had my doubts.

"Edward, I love you," she said in a whisper that ghosted across my chin as I stared down at her, watching every move of her eyes and every expression on her face. The words echoed in my ears like they always had. Those three words caused me just as much joy as they did pain. They were three words that I would love to hear again and again. "Make love to me." And those four words were just as powerful.

I didn't respond. Words were fruitless now. They didn't matter. The only words that could be spoken now were those that could only be said with our bodies, and only be understood by that of a touch. And the love that had been spoken of was only felt and not heard. And the all-consuming need and devotion was that of a kiss, a tender caress and a warm embrace instead of heartfelt terminology. Yes, words were empty now.

I kissed her hard and long and passionately. I felt her nails dig and scratch at my bare back, causing surges of love and lust and power and dominance to force its way out of me. I felt around her back for her zipper and slowly slid it down until it was loose enough to fall at her feet. She was left before me in nothing but a black, strapless bra and a mismatching red and black lace thong. Bella was never one to match her under garments no matter the occasion. I found it enduring and almost comical, but there was nothing funny about how sexy she looked almost naked in front of me.

She caught me staring at her, but she only smiled and hugged me around my waist, pressing her body against mine. She laid soft kisses along my chest and shoulders, paying special attention to the pink scar on my shoulder that I had yet to figure out how it had gotten there. While she continued to kiss my chest, I took out all the pins that held up the rest of her hair until all of it was flowing down her back and into my hands.

Her curls were always so soft and silky. They ran through my fingers like water over rocks. I lifted her head and kissed her once again. I kept playing with the curls on the back of her head while she scratched and fisted my hair, standing on her tip toes to get the best grip possible. I lowered my head, kissing down the long expanse of her neck to her collarbone and down to her chest. My hands crept down to her sides, massaging her creamy skin and letting my thumb rub circles into her stomach and the underside of her bra-covered breasts.

I thought for a moment how small she seemed underneath my touch. My hands could almost circle her waist. She whimpered some and shivered while I felt goose bumps rise on her skin underneath my hands. I reached around her and unclasped her bra with one hand. It was difficult, and it took me a minute with nervous, shaky hands, but it finally fell to the floor below us. I touched her breasts reverently and as delicately as I possibly could especially since my need only kept growing and growing.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," I whispered against the skin of her neck. I kissed along her chest until my mouth found her already hard and puckered nipple. She continued to scratch at my scalp while I licked and sucked and bit at her nipple, palming and pinching lightly at the other one in my hand. Her head was thrown back as she moaned my name over and over, and the steel rod in my boxers kept growing more and more uncomfortable.

My mouth left her nipples and traveled back up her chest until it found her lips once again. Suddenly, I felt a warm, gentle touch stroking me over my boxers. I groaned when I felt her ease them down and free my straining cock from its confines. It bobbed in front of her as she released it. We kept kissing as she gently ran the tip of her index finger from bottom to tip slowly and gently then back down again. She was doing this on purpose, I was well aware; however, my resolve was slowly wearing away.

"Baby…" I warned against her lips. Then, she softly stroked me up and down with a featherlike hold. It was torturous and slow, but _oh_, so very good. It was the first time she had actually touched me, and I'll be damned if my breathing was nothing but slow and erratic while she did.

I reached down the front of her body until I found the edge of her lace panties. Slowly, I pushed them down until she was able to step out of them, and finally, we were left completely naked and bare in front of one another. Like a moth to a flame, my hand moved across each of her hips until I found the hairless, slick surface between her legs. She was so gloriously wet and smooth as I parted her skin and let my fingers trace the edges of her wet with desire clit. When I did, her hand that had been stroking me so softly and delicately suddenly gripped me as tightly as possible and kept up the steady rhythm of pumping me while I showed special attention to her clit.

"Edward," she breathed against my lips. "Please. It's been so long. I don't think I've ever needed you more…"

That one admission was almost my undoing.

"Bella, I love you so much…you just…you just don't even know," I pleaded with her, sounding like a begging, out of breath fool.

"Show me, Edward. Please, just show me."

And yeah, I could have said the words all day long. But she had been rejected and lied to, and she knew it. So now, she needed to be showed. Words were empty after all.

My sticky fingers left her center, and in one swoop, I held her bridal style. Our naked skin was warm and tingly against each others as I held her and stared deep into her eyes while carrying her over to the king-sized bed. She was all giggles and bubbly laughter when I tossed her into the white, fluffy down comforter onto the bed, bouncing a couple of times while I stood above her watching.

She was most obviously naked but just then she had never looked more bare-boned and beautiful in front of me. With not a care in the world and not a single thing to hold her back, she seemed so relaxed and wistful, looking up at me through hooded eyes and with a small across her face.

She sat up and wrapped her hand around the back of my neck and pulled me on top of her. I crawled onto the bed and hovered over her as we kissed and licked and groped one another. I dipped a finger into her, pumping her slowly and softly. She whined and moaned when I added another finger, and I thought briefly that there was absolutely no way I would fit. No way at all.

I withdrew my fingers and sat back on my knees in between her legs. She watched me as I pumped my wet fingers over my cock and mixed my precum with her juices over me, lubricating myself so not to hurt her.

I glanced down at her and smirked. "Whatcha staring at, baby?"

She only smiled at me evilly, growling low in her throat before she pushed herself up and kissed me, needy and hungry. I loved it. I loved her.

I slowly eased her back down and hovered on top of her. I left her lips and sat back on my haunches once again. She looked so beautiful like that, naked with her legs spread and smiling so sweetly at me. I took both of her hands in mine and laced our fingers together, pressing our joined hands into the soft mattress on either side of her head. And then slowly…ever so slowly, we became one.

It was tight. _God_, it was so tight. But I fit. Made for me. Only me. I had been the only one to ever be inside her, and she was completely molded to me.

I entered her a little at a time, stretching her and giving her time to form around me. When I was finally filling her completely, she let out a long, tired sigh. It was breathless and sounded like she had released a breath she'd been holding for weeks.

And even slower than when I penetrated her, I started to move, innnnn and outttttt. Innnn and outttt. Every stroke felt better than the last, so much so that I had to shut my eyes for a moment to hold off my immediate release.

I felt her hands petting my sides, and fingernails softly scratching my skin. I opened my eyes back up when I felt her lift her legs, bending them at the knee and bring them in the air beside her.

"Harder, baby," she breathed. "Harder."

So, I started a harder, rougher rhythm which allowed me to push even deeper inside her. She kept making delicious moaning noises while I tried to concentrate on anything but the fact that her sex-whimpers were _even more_ arousing when we were actually making love. Her inner walls kept tightening around me then releasing, over and over again. It was unlike any feeling I had ever had.

"_God_, h-h-how are you d-doing that?" I whispered, focusing in on the white of our joined knuckles.

"Doing what?"

I felt her tighten again then release. "That!"

She only moaned in reply as she pressed her knees even closer to her chest, allowing me to slip deeper. I felt the all too familiar tightening in my stomach of my impending orgasm and had to halt quickly before I embarrassed myself.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said as my hands left hers and rested on her hips, stopping her and myself.

"What's wrong?"

"Just…give me a minute," I replied, thinking of anything but the most magical feeling that had been seethed inside her. I felt her constrict again around me. "_Oh, fuck_, Bella."

She giggled while she rubbed the planes of my chest and shoulders, trickling her fingertips softly around each muscle that fell under her touch. I kept still for a few more moments while still staying inside her until I felt the pleasurable burning subside.

I sat back on my feet and lifted her hips up while I started pumping in her once again. Her knees were resting almost to her chin while I thrust again and again, harder and harder each time.

"Oh…yes, yes…oh god…" kept slipping from her lips in more delicious sex-whimpers while I lifted her hips higher and pushed her against me in time for each of my thrusts.

Then, she started to close around me…at least, that's what it felt like. Her body tensed under my hold while her walls wrapped around me and squeezed my cock so hard I saw stars. When her body started to shudder was when she started contracting around me harder over and over as she came.

I gave a mental pat on my back when she shut her eyes and her mouth fell open in a silent scream. Now _that_ was magical. Before she was completely brought back down from her orgasmic high, I lifted her body up so we were chest to chest and laid my legs out flat in front of me with her own legs wrapped around my back. She clutched my shoulders and dug into my back while I started to rock her in and out of my lap, feeling myself hit that one certain spot deep inside her over and over with every lift of her hips on and off of me.

And then…yeah, I made her come again. No big deal. _Ha._

And whenever I felt her grip me tightly once again, I released inside her. Her walls tensing and releasing at every wave of my own orgasm. She screamed not so silently this time which happened to drown out my own grunts and erratic moans at the same time.

We sat for a moment, holding each other and gripping each other while our breathing slowed and the sweat between us dried.

"Oh my god," was all she said. But she said it breathlessly and over and over and over again in my ear.

"I know, right?" was my brilliant response.

She leaned back some in my arms to look me in the eye. She framed my face with her hands and kissed me. "I love you."

"I love you," I replied.

I eased her backwards, laying her softly back into the sheets. I slipped out of her and laid behind her, spooning her with my arm over her side and my hand rubbing circles in her stomach. I was wrapped so tightly around her that I could have sworn I felt her heart beating from her back against my chest.

I waited for sleep to take me. I felt so exhausted but not really sleepy. I blinked several times, but thought of nothing except what we had just done and when the next time we could do it would be. I silently hoped she didn't feel me start to get hard again.

"Edward?" she whispered after a few more minutes.

"Yes, baby?" I asked, sitting up behind her and lightly palming her naked breast.

She rolled some until she was flat on her back. My hand never left her boob. "Are you sleepy?"

I didn't want to say no if she was so I asked, "Are you?"

"No," she replied. "I'm hungry." A smile erupted across her face because right after the words left her lips, her stomach rumbled loudly into the silence of the large room.

I chuckled. "Okay. Let's order room service."

She squealed and jumped out of bed, running on the other side of the room to get the menu from the desk. Still naked and glorious, she flopped back in bed and kissed me briefly on the lips.

"We need lots of nourishment after that…" she said, flipping open the menu with a small smile. "And for what we're about to do again," she finished.

Nope. No sleep tonight.

* * *

**I love them. Don't you? No more cockblocking. I hope you liked it. It took me a while to decide but I think I made the right decision. I think they were ready.**

**Okay, I might have addressed this already, but I'm going to do it again. Bella has blue eyes. This is on purpose. Bella is nothing like book Bella. She is my own twisted version where she's cool, and she dances and she ain't clumsy. Ya know? I hope this doesn't distract you. (It's just eye color, people)**

**'Preciate you!**


	15. Prayer

**A/N: This is short. I'm sorry. But the next one is started, and it's set a month later. We're moving right along.**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Prayer

Bella and I were sitting Indian-style facing each other with our knees touching on the huge, plush king-sized bed with both of our room service plates in our laps. We ordered breakfast. I don't know why. It was almost midnight, yet we were eating eggs, bacon, toast, sausage, waffles, French toast and hash browns.

It was so good.

The only piece of clothing she was wearing was my stiff white button down shirt from my tuxedo with only a few small black buttons buttoned along the bottom, revealing the tops of her pert breasts. The shirt was huge on her and hung down to her thighs. And her hair was loose and in a chaotic mess of large curls, but she was so beautiful. While all I had on were my boxers.

"I'm actually looking forward to school starting," she said, reaching over to cut my waffle in half and put the other half on her plate.

"Ready for summer to be over so soon?" I asked, taking her hash browns from her plate and putting them in mine because I knew she wouldn't eat them.

"No, not at all. I'm really not looking forward to wearing 'teacher clothes' all the time again…" I chuckled at that, "…but I just have all these plans and stuff I wanna do. I guess I'm just…I don't know…excited." She smiled and shrugged as she grabbed the ketchup from the room service table and poured some on top of my hash browns on my plate. She knew just how I liked them.

I grabbed the salt and pepper and shook them on top of her eggs benedict then did the same to my scrambled eggs. She whispered a 'thank you' before taking her first bite. "What sort of plans?" I asked her.

She chewed and swallowed before replying. "Well, I've been thinking about doing a play this year."

"A play?"

"Yeah. We could have tryouts and casting, and each student would get a grade for their performance and help with the show whether it be a speaking part or just costumes or scenery or something."

I nodded, chewing my eggs and swallowing. "What play were you thinking about?"

She smiled. "_Romeo and Juliet_."

I laughed. "Okay."

"_Whot_?" she asked her mouth sounding gargled with half of it full of French toast. "Is there something wrong with _Romeo and Juliet_?"

"No," I replied, shaking my head and smiling. "I just think it's funny."

"What's funny about it? I'm teaching Shakespeare this quarter."

"Nothing, sweetheart. It would just be a lot of work. There are a lot of students that would have to be in it. It'd take a lot of work." Truthfully, I had no idea how many students were in our classes or even went to the school. I just assumed it was quite a lot judging from the massive sized classrooms and number of desks and chairs in each.

But she nodded and kept eating, looking down at her plate. "That's true. I was thinking about asking Angela for help."

I had no idea who Angela was.

"That'd probably be best."

She kept watching her food and pushing her sausage links back and forth around her plate with her fork. I wondered what she was thinking. The expression on her face was somewhat thoughtful and far away, deep in her own mind. I didn't understand her change in mood and wondered why I suddenly got the feeling she wanted to say something else.

"Can I ask you something?" she spoke, her eyes still looking at her plate.

"Anything, baby." _I should have been more specific._ There were some questions I, definitely, wouldn't answer.

"What if we made it a musical?" she voice was soft and hesitant, but I knew what she was asking. She wanted my help as well.

I smiled. "That's a great idea!"

She finally raised her head to look into my eyes, smiling as wide as ever and looking so fucking happy about what I had just said. "Really?"

"Of course! I could compose some stuff and teach it. It would give more students a part in it too if we had a symphony playing. And maybe we could even take songs from contemporary artists like Dave Matthews and Secondhand Serenade just with classical instruments."

Her eyes were lit up, and her mouth was open in excitement. "Oh! I would _love_ that!" _Anything to make her that happy…_ She continued, "…the _students_ would love that."

I was going to have to take her word for it. I knew absolutely nothing about teenagers. "A modern day _Romeo and Juliet _set to modern day songs and music."

Her smile was wide and genuine. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby," I replied, my smile mimicking her own.

There was this indescribable feeling in my chest whenever I said it back to her. It was so easy, so much more comfortable and simple than I had pictured it to be. I had always thought saying the words would be effortless, but the feeling itself would take the most effort and be the most challenging for me. However, that wasn't the case at all. Falling in love with Bella was the easiest thing imaginable. It was like breathing and blinking…nothing but an average, everyday routine. And now that I felt free enough to say the words and make the biggest leap of my life, I had come to find that that too was easy and just as effortless as falling in love.

And as I looked at her now, eating silently in nothing but my stiff white shirt with her semi-tan skin underneath and with a small smile in her eyes and on her lips, I felt so far past just falling in love. I was in so deep, I couldn't see the surface.

We ate the rest of our food in complete silence. You know that saying about how best friends are the ones you can sit in silence with and walk away feeling like you just had the best conversation of your life? Well, that's how I felt. We might have been sitting in silence, but the echo of our unspoken words permeated the air around us, leaving both of us feeling so connected and comforted by the warm blanket of our quiet. Sometimes she'd catch me looking at her, and then other times, I'd find her stealing fleeting glances at me. We'd smile and giggle at each other then turn our attention back down our plates.

It was the best conversation I'd ever had.

"I love your hair," was the first thing she said to me to break our silence.

With my head still downcast towards my plate in my lap, I looked up at her with just my eyes. "Shut up," I replied, playfully because she _knew_ how I felt about my hair which I was sure only looked a complete mess at the moment after our romp in the sheets not but thirty minutes prior.

She laughed. "I'm serious. I hope our kids have your color hair."

I rolled my eyes, not focusing on the way my stomach fluttered after hearing that. "Don't joke like that. My hair color is ridiculous. When I was little, I used to beg Esme to give me highlights."

"Did she?"

"Hell no."

She giggled.

"Besides, I happen to love the color of _your_ hair. And I hope our children have your curls," I said, tugging a particularly curly strand of her hair and again trying not to think of my fluttering stomach.

"Oh yeah? What else do you love about me?"

"Hmm…" I pretended to think. "Everything."

"Be serious."

"I am serious."

"You can't love _everything_ about me."

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't."

"Do you love everything about me?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"_Hell_ no."

I opened to my mouth to feign disgust. "What don't you love about me?"

She started counting on her fingers. "You borrow my socks all the time and tear holes in them…"

"…only the short ones because they're the most comfortable to wear with my Nikes."

"You never rinse out your cereal bowls in the sink…"

"…I do too! Most of the time at least."

"You always, always, _always_ lose your phone…"

"…not _always_."

"You squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle…"

"…where else are you supposed to squeeze it?"

"You say 'oh yeah?' all the time…"

"…oh yeah?"

"Your breath smells _rank_ after you drink Dr. Pepper…"

"Okay!" I yelled, grabbing her empty plate with mine and setting them on top of the table next to us. "Is there anything else, Swan? Wanna tell me how I sweat too much or how I leave my boxers laying around?" I said, grabbing her sides and tickling her. She laid back into the bed, giggling and trying to wiggle away from me as best she could while I climbed on top of her.

"You asked! I only told the truth!" she shouted in between breaths.

"Well that's enough truth from you! Wanna know what I don't love about you?" I asked, still tickling her.

"You said you love…everything…about me," she kept shouting through labored breaths as she tried to fight me off.

"Well, I've thought of a few things now. You're always borrowing my reading glasses…"

"…I…always give them…back!"

"You take _really_ long showers…"

"…there's…n-nothing…wr-wrong with that!"

"You don't wash towels separately from the rest of our clothes…"

"…nobody does that…b-b-but you!"

"You leave your hair ties lying around everywhere…"

"…s-s-stop!"

"You drive too slow…"

"…stop!"

"You leave your dirty clothes lying _next to_ the hamper! How hard is it to just lift the lid and put them inside…?"

"…STOP!"

She grabbed my hands and pressed her foot flat against my chest and threw me on the other side of the bed. _Damn, she's strong._ In a flash, she was straddling over my bare stomach, digging her nails into my armpits.

It was my turn to start yelling stop.

"You _know_ you love everything about me!" she shouted, giggling and tickling me. It was hard for me to concentrate on the feel of her bare legs and ass pressed against the bare skin of my stomach and lower abdominal muscles, adding friction every time I squirmed underneath her. But…somehow I managed to still focus in on it and get relentlessly turned on, especially with the top of my shirt falling down some to reveal almost all of her luscious breasts in my face. "Say it!" she screamed

"Never!"

"Say it!"

"No!" I yelled, grabbing her tiny wrists. I flipped her over so I was on top again except this time our legs got severely tangled up, and she put up a good fight. We were grabbing each other's hands and throwing one another around, tickling and jabbing all over our bodies. We wrestled in the bed for a long while until we slipped and fell in the floor with the down comforter from the bed falling onto the floor below us. We landed so I was on bottom with her knees digging into my stomach. I cried out while still laughing as she kept giggling. Her knees slipped down so she was straddling my hips. It went silent between us with only smiles on both of our faces while I looked up at her on top of me.

"Say it," she whispered while her nails lightly scratched the lines of my lower abdominal muscles.

I grinned. "Nope."

She slowly lifted her hands to the buttons of her shirt. My breath caught in my throat, and my hands instinctively clutched harder around her thighs with the pads of my fingers digging into her skin, leaving white imprints. My eyes widened and watched as she slowly slipped each button out of the shirt until they were all unbuttoned and the shirt hung loosely down her middle. She made no move to open the shirt at all, so my eyes followed from the smooth, bare skin of the base of her neck down to the valley between her breasts, displaying the subtle lines of the sides of her breasts down, down, down to her tone stomach and her small belly button then lower, lower, lower to the top of her bare pussy.

"Say it," she whispered yet again, toying with the sides of the shirt but still never revealing what I so desperately wanted.

I swallowed, wondering what she would do if I did or didn't say what she wanted me to. Thinking how much I was _loving_ where this was going, I silently shook my head while my hands moved up her thighs to her hips under her shirt but never pulling it open.

She leaned forward and started licking and nibbling at the sensitive skin around my neck and throat. The long sliver of bare skin from her torso rubbed slowly and teasingly against mine. I moaned in her ear while my thumbs dug circles into her jutted hipbones. I rotated my hips to rub myself against her, but she was too far up, sitting on my stomach that I wasn't able to feel her at all except for the soft, delicate skin of her hairless pussy gently touch my lower stomach.

She continued to place open-mouthed kisses around my neck and chest while I snaked my hand around to her front, reaching in between us to find her hot center. After realizing the new direction of my hand, she grabbed my wrist and laid it beside my head on the comforter below us.

Her head popped up to look at me. "I don't think so," she smiled.

"Unngg…"

She released my wrist, bringing her head back down to my chest and kissing her way down my body. She scooted herself down until she was hovering right over my tented boxers. I bucked my hips up towards her which caused her to laugh and sit back up to look at me once again.

Slowly, her hands came up again and toyed with the sides of her opened shirt. Instinctively, I licked my lips, my hands going back to her hips. "Say it," she whispered, yet again.

I swallowed, licked my lips again and bit down on my tongue…hard. I wanted to scream it, yell it, mouth it, sign it, tattoo it…instead, I shook my head once again, thinking that I was only liking where this was going…even more.

She smirked knowingly, releasing the sides of her shirt and making no attempt to open it. I cried out when she dug her fingernails into my shoulders, trailing them forcefully down my chest, across my stomach and finally making their way to the top of my boxers. I noticed the white streak of skin she left in her wake, only a brief and temporary reminder of the pleasurable pain she caused me. In one motion, she swiftly removed my boxers. Sitting up on her knees over me, she made sure not to touch me.

My cock was alive and waiting right below her. Slowly, she removed her shirt, throwing it off to the side. My eyes widened, and dick got even harder. Her breasts were _so_…nice. I reached up and palmed them softly, surprised that she even allowed me that. But she did…still without touching me…just hovering on top of me.

Suddenly, she passed her slick folds across my tip, _once_…_twice_…_three times._ My breath caught in my throat each time while my heart rate picked up.

She stopped, leaving my tip just outside of her…just waiting…

Driving me crazy still, she whispered, "Say it."

You know, there is only so much teasing one can take.

"_Holy shit_…I love everything about you, baby," I breathed.

Finally, I was inside her once again. There were really no words to accurately describe what being inside Bella felt like. Natural, maybe…home, maybe…just _right_. The feeling made my insides quiver, and my heart stricken in a pleasurable way.

My eyes rolled back in my head, and my back arched off the ground while I groaned louder than I ever have before. She started with a slow, steady rhythm, guided by my hands tightly gripping her hips. Her pace quickened as she leaned back on me with her hands behind her holding my thighs. Her eyes shut while her head fell back with her hair lightly skimming the tops of my thighs also.

Her whimpers and moans were met with each rock of her body. The words that left her lips were short and almost indecipherable: _"Oh, god…baby…yes, yes…oh, god…" _

When the familiar burning started, I immediately stilled her hips, causing her head to pop up and look at me with serious concern.

"Edward- what…?"

I wanted to laugh at her obvious objections, but instead I wrapped her in my arms and lifted her on to the bed, pulling her to the very edge where I was standing. In the next moment, we were joined together once again and moving as one. I held her legs down with her knees pushed to her chest while I thrust into her over and over and over. She was…._loud_. Screaming-panting-moaning-whimpering all of which vibrated every nerve in her body and mine.

"_Oh, god - oh, god - oh, god…_"

We made love twice more that night. Once in the shower, and once more in the bed before we were lying in bed completely spent…wet body holding wet body. It was warmth and passion and everything I had never known to want.

However, I didn't fall asleep right away that night. Instead, I watched her. Moonlight poured over her glistening skin, and wet locks of her chestnut hair was splayed around her head. The white of the sheet was a bright contrast to the tan of her skin And her lips were slightly parted while her breathing was steady as she slumbered.

Something deep inside me was overjoyed and so completely content that the dread and truth and reality resonating was almost not enough to recognize. But it was still there. It was a weird thing, really…to feel so close and yet so disconnected from somebody else. We were together but still worlds apart. I wondered if she somehow knew what was going on but chose not to believe it. I wondered if maybe life would never be the same for either of us after all was said and done.

So, in the dead of the early morning with small, warm arms wrapped tightly around my waist, I shut my eyes and prayed.

I prayed for a solution. I prayed for an answer. I prayed for a life I didn't lead. I prayed for the person lying next to me. I prayed for myself. I prayed for just another day but also a lifetime. I prayed for things I wasn't sure I even believed in.

I prayed for a miracle.

And without a sound, without breaking the silence of the morning…

I wept.

* * *

**Do you trust me?**

**'Preciate you.**


	16. Secrets

**A/N: This is unbeta'd. I was too impatient to get it up. All mistakes are mine. Outfits on my profile.**

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Secrets

"I hate goodbyes," Bella whispered as she dug her head into my chest and sniffled against my shirt.

I rubbed her back and arms while we stood in the driveway, watching as Emmett and Rosalie loaded the last of their things into the back of the moving van. They weren't moving far, in fact, they were only moving to Rose's apartment while they looked for a house of their own. But still, Alice and Bella were sobbing messes while watching our newlywed friends move out of the house.

"Oh my god, please stop," Rosalie said, rolling her eyes but the truth fell from her leaky eyes while she reached for a hug. The three of them embraced together, blubbering something about "the end of an era." Whatever, I _knew_ they would probably be back over before nightfall. But I let them have their moment without saying a word.

A few minutes later, the married couple drove off, leaving only one engaged couple and one kinda-dating-kinda-waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop couple in this big three-bedroom house once again.

Alice and Jasper took one couch while Bella and I curled up on the other, watching _You've Got Mail_ because it was Alice's night to pick. Bella was lying in between the back of the couch cushions and me with her arms hugging my waist while mine were behind my head. Neither one of us particularly cared for the movie, and even if we did, we had seen it hundreds of times, so we whispered back and forth to each other during the whole thing, occasionally giggling whenever Alice would "shush" us.

It had been about a month since the wedding, and things were much the same as before, but I was still learning _every day_. And sometimes, I would forget all about how I got here. I was normal for those moments. I laughed and loved and acted as carefree as ever, forgetting completely about my situation and how, at any time, I could switch back. However, it was during those moments when I would see Bella stare at me a certain way. Not the normal "I love you" way that I had gotten used to, but instead she would look at me like she truly saw me, like she knew in those moments I was being real, like nothing was holding me back, like she saw every one of my many secrets. I wanted it to be like that forever. But I knew better.

However, for the most part, I tried not to think about it. So things were great. Bella and I were great. Over the past month, we had acted the same but still different. Better different. Good different. I told her I loved her at least multiple times a day. And just like Emmett had said, we made love at least twice a day, sometimes more. And since the wedding, we had much more time to be alone. So we went out, a lot. We went on dates to the park, to the movies, to the harbor again and again, out to eat. I learned her favorite foods, her favorite flower, her favorite color, her middle name, how she took her coffee, her vices, her pet peeves, what made her laugh, what made her cry. I learned everything I could, leaving nothing unexplored so that each day was a new one.

But every day, every single day, I looked at my grandmother's ring. I kept it hidden away in a small drawer inside my closet, under piles and piles of old clothes. But at the end of the night, while she was brushing her teeth or blow drying her hair or on the phone with her dad or even just stepping out to say good night to Brody, I would take out the diamond ring, hold it in between my fingers and dream of the day when she would wear it. Every day, I would imagine the perfect words to say to her and picture her face when she saw it. And every day, I would shake my head, sigh and gently tuck it away and dream of a different day, a different time, a different place and a different reality.

She had been much happier since we started making love and voicing our feelings out loud. She didn't get sad or worried or beg me to never leave her. It seemed that for the most part, she had forgotten about those first couple of weeks. And, basically, I had too. I was a different person with her, and the other person that I was…_before_…seemed like nothing but a distant memory, a dream, a made up illusion. I had come to realize that if you told a lie long enough, you would start to believe it yourself. And I had. I had fallen victim to my own secrets. I had begun to deceive myself. But for the time being, I didn't care. I was happy. So happy, that my lies had clouded every rational part of me. Ignorance is bliss, right?

Wrong.

It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. There were hard times, a lot of them actually. Like I said, I was still learning. There were times when I was expected to know things, and I wouldn't. Just last week, Bella dropped by her apartment to pay some bills and get caught up on things which she had neglected during the wedding chaos, but while she was there, her car wouldn't start so she called me to come get her. I was the only one home, and I had absolutely _no idea_ how to get to her apartment.

I tried calling Jasper. No answer. Too scared to ask anyone else and also afraid of what they would think if I did, stalling was all I could do. I made up as many excuses as I could while I waited and prayed for someone to come home and go pick her up instead of me.

I waited for one hour. Then, two hours. Then, she was pissed, and I was seriously fucked.

I searched and searched my room for a piece of mail or _anything_ that might have her address on it, thinking how I could just put it into my GPS and arrive there no problem, no questions and certainly no suspicions. No such luck. I broke down and asked her for directions. She acted weird the rest of the day, most of the time staring at me that one certain way where she just _knew_. But she said nothing.

There were other times when I'd catch her watching me closely while I searched the kitchen for certain things I needed, opening the wrong drawers or wrong cabinets. Again, she would look at me like she saw everything, but still she didn't comment. I began to wonder if she thought I was just going crazy, but if she wasn't going to bring it up then I certainly wasn't either.

She asked me a couple times why I wasn't checking my email or my Facebook like I usually did. Truth was…I had tried. Several times. I couldn't figure out the passwords. I tried all my old passwords that I usually used, of course, they didn't work. Until one day, I started playing around with Bella's name as a password. Finally, I figured it out. Bella's full name and my old baseball number was the password to all of my online accounts.

There were also some very sad, woeful parts of the last month as well. We said good bye to Blake. He had to return back to his job since the wedding was officially over, and he had no other reason to stay in Washington. His departure was pretty depressing for all of us. Rose begged him to stay a little bit longer, but he ultimately had to leave for work. And I was pretty sure mine and Bella's new found intimacy was grating his nerves as well. It was weird for me to admit, but I missed him. He embraced me for the first time (for me) before he got in his car to leave.

"Take care, Red. Watch after our girl," he mumbled, staring at the ground in front of me after hugging me quite awkwardly.

"Yeah. No problem." He nodded, slipping on his Costa del Mar sunglasses and stepping closer to his car. "You sure you can't stay?" I asked him.

He glanced back at me, watching as a slow smile crept across his face. "I'll be back before you know it. You won't even have time to miss me."

I shrugged. "I wouldn't miss you anyway."

He chuckled. "Sure." It was awkward between us again, both of us stood in the driveway watching as cars past by. "I was thinking…" he drifted.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Um, maybe I could relocate, ya know, to Seattle."

I squinted my eyes in concentration. "Really? What for?"

He lifted one shoulder then dropped it. "I don't know. I like it here."

"Yeah."

"Plus, ya know, I'd be closer to my sister and everything…"

I smiled. "Yeah."

"Yeah," he agreed. "We could hang out more too," he added.

I nodded, still smiling. "That's true."

"Yeah." He readjusted the strap on his satchel over his shoulder while clearing his throat. We both ran a hand through our hair at the same time. "All right," he coughed. "I better get going."

"Right, yeah. We'll see ya."

"Yeah. We'll see ya."

I turned on my heel, for some reason, not really wanting to watch as he drove off. I was almost inside the front door when I heard Blake call my name. I spun around, looking over my shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Love you," he smiled.

I chuckled. "Love you too, man."

It was the most awkward/weird moment of my life. But as soon as he left, I missed him.

Blake wasn't the only one we said good bye to. Charlie, Renee and Seth all left as well. And my parents had to go back to Forks. The goodbyes were tough, and I wasn't really sure why. I had been living without seeing them for months at a time while living in LA. But my stomach was heavy when watching them leave.

And Esme's parting words kept ringing in my mind.

"Don't wait too long."

_Don't wait too long…_

Tonight was the last night of summer…for Bella and me anyway. Tomorrow was the first day of school. The past month had been spent in lots of teacher training seminars along with careful research and planning. And still after everything, I was nervous. Bella, however, was the most excited I had ever seen her.

"I like _Sleepless in Seattle_ better," Bella said, tracing soft circles in my t-shirt on top of my chest.

"I don't particularly care for either," I whispered, watching my fingers brush through her hair then fall back onto her shoulders.

She giggled and snuggled closer into my side. Smiling, I leaned my head down and nuzzled her neck. _Cotton candy._ My eyes shut on their own accord while my hand kept combing through her locks again and again. I scooted myself further down into the couch, wincing at the loud ruckus of the leather. I waited until we were facing each other, chest against chest, eyes on eyes before I leaned in and pressed my forehead to hers.

She sighed, her chest falling against mine while her eyes shined and smiled at me. I briefly wondered to myself if I had fallen in love with her all those years ago after just one look. Then I thought that was a pretty stupid question, and immediately threw the thought away.

My palm cupped her cheek. My fingers ran through her hair. My eyes locked, and heart fluttered. I mouthed, "I love you," thinking I waited way too long to tell her.

She smiled. She knew. "I love you more," she mouthed back. It was stupid, but it made me so, so happy.

I mouthed it again. She reciprocated. Again and again, we argued. Stupid, I know but happy.

Our lips finally forgot about the words and just kissed. This kiss said more than the words. We kissed and kissed and kissed until it turned inappropriate.

"For the love of God, go upstairs!" Alice bellowed.

I was thankful, and not just for getting relieved of watching anymore of the movie, but also for the added bonus of more inappropriate kissing behind closed doors.

Our fingers searched for each other's until they locked while we ran up the stairs and into our bedroom where we had no problem slamming the door and locking it, loudly. We were kissing again before I could even turn a light on.

We undressed as quickly as possible. She took off her own clothes swiftly while I did the same.

"I really need a shower," she said, reaching behind her back and unhooking her bra. It fell off her shoulders and down to the floor while she bent at the waist to take off her thong.

"Now? You want to shower _now_?" My voice screeched like a 12-year-old boy's.

She laughed. "I wasn't planning on going in _alone_."

Oh. _Oh._

Before I had time to realize it, we were together in the shower, wet and sliding against one another. And we weren't just kissing; we were _kissing_. It was rough and fast and wetter than our mixed skin. Her fingers clung to the small hairs on my neck while mine fumbled over her body, up and down and around and back again. The water was warm but the air around us was warmer. Our skin, our lips, our mouths, our hands…_everything_ felt warmer.

She shrieked when I cupper her backside and lifted her up, pressing her firmly against the tile wall of the shower. Bottles of shampoo and body wash fell around our feet as her hands sought out something to grab onto.

"Edward, Edward, Edward…" she chanted against my mouth, not begging and not really asking for anything…just saying my name to hear it be said.

"I love you…oh, _god_, I love you…" was my answer. And I wasn't even inside her yet.

I kissed and licked around the base of her throat, sucking and nibbling along the warmth and the wetness. Her nails dug, and her feet wound around thighs. I felt light-headed and slightly drunk, but none of it felt any different than every other time before.

Her hands, _oh_, her hands moved in between us until she held me, wrapped around me and smoothly and languidly moving my skin up and down over hard marble. It felt so good, too good that it was almost painful. Okay, well…that's a little exaggeration.

When her thumb grazed the top and traveled back down, I lost it. "Bella, I can't- we have to…"

I basically slapped her hand away and gripped her hips earnestly, teasing her entrance and preparing for…

"Wait!" she bellowed, fighting me out of my arms until her feet were flat on the surface of the shower.

I groaned and fought the urge to cry at the loss of warmth. "Bella…"

She ignored me, turning around and taking my wrists in her hands and pressing them into her stomach. Her bare, slick back clung to my chest, and that warmth was back instantly. She bended slightly at the waist and pressed her ass against my…and _oh_, yeah, now I get it.

My fingers were slick and not just from the water, and this time they caused beautiful, soft noises to fill my ears. She was leaning and pressing and wiggling, and yeah, I'm an idiot.

Her hands left mine and gripped the slick tile, falling then grabbing again, falling and grabbing, and more and more beautiful noises.

When I entered her, that warmth was overwhelming. The bottle that fell were kicked around until she bended more at the waist, causing deeper warmth. She cried out sobs of satisfaction while I started to be the one to press and lean into her. The action was frenzied but slow and sensual at the same time.

My fingers were almost bruising her hips while I pulled her towards me with every thrust towards _her_. The rhythm was set and didn't let up until I felt her start to flutter around my cock.

"That's it. That's it, baby," I whispered against her neck when I pulled her back flush against my chest to feel her closer. My fingers found her clit and massaged her slowly in complete contrast to the fast movements of our joined bodies.

She came, then I came. And it was awesome.

The rest of our shower turned into more of a bath as we sat at the bottom of the shower, completely spent. She straddled my lap while my back rested against the side of the tub. My slippery fingers rubbed up the side of her body and down to the swell of her hips, all the while she scrubbed my body with a washcloth full of my body wash.

I watched her as she concentrated leaving none of my body untouched. "No has ever washed me before," I whispered. It was the first words spoken since we had detached our bodies.

Her eyes pinched together briefly before she smiled. "Besides me, of course."

_God,_ of course.

"_Look at me dreaming of you_…" I leaned forward to whisper in her ear, Dave's lyrics that came to me quite suddenly… "_All I could hope is to have you. To have you walking with me, laughing so in love, we two almost drunkenly. I did imbibe of this fantasy of you and me._"

My eyes rolled back as she scratched at my scalp, my wet hair allowed her fingers to smoothly rub up and down the planes of my skull down to my neck. I leaned forward with my eyes still shut and searched for her lips, awaiting and pursed, ready and willing. I heard a soft chuckle escape her right before our lips met and her mouth covered mine.

"It's impossible to be this happy," I told her because to me, it was.

Her mouth and fingers stilled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, none of this is real. It can't be. It's just…not possible."

Her eyes narrowed and searched my own. To me, I was making perfect sense; to her, my words hurt. "I don't get you sometimes," she replied. She sat up straight, still straddling her lap, but her expression was serious and no longer as lovely and as thoughtful as it was when I spoke to her through lyrics. "Sometimes it feels like you're waiting on something…like there's some sort of impending doom that's gonna come and take you away…" Yes, she was so much more aware than I ever gave her credit for. "Like there's something always holding you back…"

Like the fool that I was, I only nodded. I don't know if I ever really understood how well she knew me until then. And not just the me that she had known for years and years, but the me that was sitting before her now. The me that had gone to law school, the me that had met her at a hotel bar, the me that had been lying to her, the me that had deceived her, the me that was so thankful for any opportunity to feel an ounce of the love I felt with her then.

"Sometimes I'm scared," I said.

"Of what?"

I shrugged because how do you tell someone that you're not completely sure what you're scared of? The unknown, maybe? But what kind of sense did that make?

"I don't know. I guess I'm scared of losing it all." That made sense right?

"What does that even mean, Edward?" Her voice sounded high-pitched and exasperated.

I had answers, lots of them, answers to all of her questions but my lies and secrets held me back and all I was left with were abstract excuses to give her.

"I've just never felt like this before, Bella. This isn't real. People aren't supposed to be this happy. It's _impossible_."

"What makes you think that, Edward?" I hung my head in shame, my chin brushing against my chest. She had so much faith, and I did not. "Why do you always think something bad is going to happen?" I shook head, still not looking at her. "_You're_ not going anywhere, are you?" she asked. _Not willingly,_ I thought. After I shook my head again slowly but surely, she continued, "And _I'm_ not going anywhere. Everything's gonna be alright."

And in that moment I did all I could do, I believed her.

We got out of the shower, pruning and extremely tired. Well, not too tired because we made love once more before passing out.

"Are you kidding me?" were my first words to Bella the next morning as she stepped out of our bathroom dressed and ready for the first day of school.

"What?" she asked, looking down at her dress. "What's wrong with it?"

"It's…uh…" my voice trailed as my eyes roamed all the way from her heeled feet, up her exposed legs, to the tops of her knees and across her chest to her face that was scrunched in waiting for my response.

"It's what?" Said "heeled" toes tapped lightly on the hardwood floors.

"Bella, if you were my teacher, I'd…"

"You'd what, exactly?"

"Please change, sweetie."

She audibly scoffed and rolled her eyes, brushing past me to her huge purse full of her school supplies. "Don't be ridiculous, Edward Anthony."

She always made me feel like a young boy every time she called me that. It was infuriating and arousing at the same time. "I'm completely serious, Bella."

She gave me one fleeting glance, laughing softly to herself as she existed the room and rushed down the stairs with her heels clicking against the floor. I followed quickly after her as she descended. "Everything is covered," she said.

I rolled my eyes. "I see that, baby. It's just kids…kids are so…imaginative these days…" she laughed a hearty laugh as I continued, "…and I'm just worried about what they're thinking."

"I can handle myself. Thank you."

We both walked into the kitchen to see the smiling faces of Jasper and Alice who had heard every word. "You look nice, Bella," Alice smiled.

"Why _thank you_, Alice," Bella smiled back while looking at me. I grumbled to myself while I poured a cup of coffee for Bella and myself.

"You look nice too, Edward," Alice said.

"That's another thing! We match!" I told Bella, motioning to my navy pin-stripe suit, white shirt and tie.

Bella took a small sip of her coffee and replied, "Better run and change then."

I cursed under my breath and turned around.

We rode together to school. I drove and grumbled the whole way about what Bella was wearing. She only smiled and didn't say a word as she listened and hummed along to the radio. All of which only made me more mad. But when I finally parked the car and turned off the ignition, Bella pulled me towards her by my tie and kissed me. It was a rough, passionate kiss that allowed me to moan into her mouth while her tongue snaked itself around mine. She didn't touch my hair at all like she usually did when we kissed as such, but instead, I watched in the corner of my eye while she wrapped my tie around her wrist once then twice.

My hands framed her face, pressing my lips harder and harder into mine. My mouth kept talking while my lips didn't stop kissing, "You're beautiful. You're just so, so beautiful. I can't- I can't-." I had no idea what it was that I "couldn't" but she understood.

Her lips, light and airy, replied, "You don't have to." And yeah, she understood when I didn't.

We kissed for several minutes until it turned indecent, and we finally remembered where we were. She was the first to lean away and part from me. I licked my moist lips, tasting her still against them. She smiled at this, checked the mirror above her head once and fluffed her hair before stepping out.

I fought the urge to hold her hand as we walked down the halls of the school. We had agreed with the principal and each other to keep everything between us strictly professional while at school. We weren't necessarily hiding our relationship from the students, in fact, Ben, the principal, had suggested us to be open about it as we could without revealing too many (unnecessary) details. I think he mostly wanted the students to be aware of the seriousness of our relationship since we were both young, attractive and close to their ages.

I had prepared myself for the many dirty comments I knew would be said about Bella by the boys. And just as I had expected, first thing in the morning, that was exactly what I heard.

A few of the teachers were just leaving our morning meeting and headed to our separate classrooms, when I heard the first comment of the day.

"Damn, here comes Miss Swan," said a young guy with wavy, boyish blonde hair to another kid about his size with short, jet black hair as Bella and I walked side by side down the hallway, Bella's heels clicking on the tile the entire way.

"Morning, Mike," Bella smiled at them, acting unaffected by their stares that traveled from her noisy heels up her legs and landed right on her chest. "Morning, Tyler."

"Good morning, Miss Swan," they replied in unison with giant matching grins on their faces that followed us as we continued walking past them.

"Get to class, guys," I growled. Their smiles fell briefly while their eyes darted to mine then back to Bella's retreating ass.

"You look very pretty today, Miss Swan," the blonde one, Mike, called after her, completely ignoring my request.

"Class _now_, gentlemen," I yelled in return, following behind her. I turned back around and caught up with Bella, getting back in stride next to her. She cut her eyes to the side, glancing at me and smiling. "It's not funny, baby."

She chuckled. "They're just kids, Edward."

"I don't care. I was a kid once. I know exactly what they're thinking."

When we made it to her classroom door, she stopped and crossed her arms over her stomach. "And you don't think I don't know _exactly_ what those girls are thinking when they say 'Hi, Dr. Cullen' and start giggling?"

"That's different."

"How?"

I stepped forward and whispered next to her ear, "Because those boys are imagining how you'd look on your knees straddling them with that dress pulled up around your waist and those hooker-heels still on your feet."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You don't _know_ that…"

"I sure do…" I took another step towards her, laying my hand flat against her hip and gently ghosting my lips against her ear lobe. "…because I'm thinking that very same thing right now."

I chuckled lightly under breath as I heard Bella's almost inaudible gasp. My finger slowly released her body as I laid a soft, unseen kiss underneath her ear hidden behind her curtain of chestnut locks. "Have a good day, baby. I love you."

I didn't take another glance at her as I began my journey down to my own classroom. I was quite a few feet away when I heard Bella's voice. "Dr. Cullen?"

I turned and raised my eyebrows in question, smirk all over my face.

She mouthed, "I love you too," smiling and so devastatingly beautiful that my heart won't take it. My hand fluttered to my chest unwillingly, and just like that…yeah, just like that.

Teaching came a lot easier to me than I expected. I had a total of four classes, all of which held only juniors and seniors who were pretty musically mature. It was a good thing and a bad thing for me. I was glad not to be expected to start with the basics, but it was also hard not knowing at what exact level their capabilities started. So, at the very beginning of each class, I had everyone take a short quiz in order for me to gage their skill levels, and they were also expected to fill out an information sheet about themselves telling the instrument they preferred, how long they had been playing, any other instruments they could play and other small, but still important facts. Some students who had obviously taken me last year, asked why they had to fill one out as well, I only replied that every student was going to be required to fill out the same information. I told them it was mostly for any new students, but in reality, I needed everyone's and planned on studying each student's answers carefully throughout the coming weeks.

After my first two classes, it was time for lunch. I wasn't certain yet if Bella and I had the same lunch hour, so I was especially surprised when a soft knock came from outside my door almost as soon as my students had left for lunch.

"Yes?" I called, not looking up from my desk full of the information sheets from the previous class.

But I didn't need to look up to know who it was. The soft click of high heels and cotton candy breeze was enough indication. I smiled down at the papers before me and licked my lips, waiting for the clicking to cease when she was near enough. Suddenly, the forms in front of me were covered by long, slender elbows, soft delicate hands, deep blue eyes and shiny chestnut locks.

I looked up and met her smiling eyes. "Hi," she breathed against my face.

"Hi," I smiled in return. My eyes moved on their own accord to the swell of her breasts that were displayed in my face as she leaned over my desk in front of me. I groaned at the sight, feeling myself twitch in my trousers. "You haven't been leaning like that on the student's desks, have you?"

"Well, now that you mention it, Chris Simpson did pay awfully close attention to me when I answered his question about the syllabus earlier," she feigned thoughtfulness.

"Very funny."

She beamed, grabbing a hold of my tie yet again and jerking me forward until our mouths brushed each others. I hummed softly at the feel of her softness, tasting of peaches pressed firmly to my lips.

We parted, but not fully. With our foreheads pressed together, I exhaled the air she inhaled. "The girls in my classes were talking about you," she whispered.

"Oh yeah?"

"Just a little."

"What'd they say?"

Her voice lifted, "'O.M.G! Dr. Cullen is _so_ H-O-double-T. HOTT!'"

I laughed because I definitely heard the very same thing being whispered behind my back during class. I did nothing and said nothing about it, but I heard it and had a good laugh inside.

"That's nothing compared to what I heard about you," I replied.

"Oh yeah?" she said. I knew what she was doing by repeating "oh yeah" back to me. She hated when I said such redundant things, and she was definitely calling me out on it each time.

Outwardly, I ignored it. "Yeah." See? "In my second class, I heard some kid named Drew discussing with Mike on whether or not it looked like you were wearing a thong or nothing at all."

At this, she burst into laughter. I leaned back in my chair and narrowed my eyes at her reaction. It wasn't at all what I wanted it to be. But I watched with rapt attention as she slowly walked from the front of my desk to the side where she sat and crossed her legs so they were eye level with me. I swallowed audibly.

"And what do you think?" she asked, still smiling.

"About your panties?" She nodded. "You're wearing a red thong. I saw you getting dressed this morning."

She hummed as she nodded, her eyes locking with mine as she scooted even closer to me, legs still crossed in front of her. "Check your right pocket," she added with a nod of indication towards my pants pocket.

With my brows furrowed and confusion written on my face, I reached into my right pocket, just as she asked, and pulled out a silky, tiny piece of…string? I brought it out, fisting it tightly and looked down at my lap, slowly opening my hand. A small, red thong.

When my eyes lifted, I found Bella sitting on the very edge of my desk with each of her high-heeled feet pressed on either side of my chair's armrests, legs spread and pussy completely bare right before my eyes, literally. My first reaction was to glance behind her to check my classroom door, seeing as it was shut and locked, my eyes jumped back to _her_.

I groaned…quite loudly. "Bella, how did you…"

She leaned forward, took my tie in her hand and lifted me to my feet until I stood before her in between her legs. "I missed you," she whispered against my lips.

"I've been right down the hall," I replied in the same hushed tone.

Her lips brushed mine as she shook her head softly. "Too far." My tongue moistened my lips right as she said, "I need you."

"Right here?"

"Right here," she confirmed, smiling.

"Right now?"

"Right now."

"Oh, god…" was the last thing I said before our lips met. My hands framed her face as we kissed, and our tongues met and slid against one another's while her hands grabbed at the bottom of my shirt, untucking it from my pants.

"I love you, I love you, _oh_,_ Jesus_, I love you," I chanted into her mouth as her fingers started their work on unbuttoning my shirt.

"Mmm, I love you too," she replied. I reached under her dress and lightly stroked my fingertip along her opening. Her breath caught in her throat while our mouths never parted and our bodies pressed firmly together. My fingers were slick and wet as they lightly passed over her petal-like folds.

Leaving her mouth, I bent down, squatting with my knees until tongue gently caressed where my fingers had just been. She made soft, little noises as I rubbed her with my tongue and penetrated her with my fingers. I glanced up from under my eyelids to see her head thrown back and her eyes squeezed shut while her nails lightly scratched through my hair. My fingers traveled in and out of her at a faster pace while the tip of my tongue swirled around her clit in a long, slow, pressing rhythm.

When I took her swollen flesh in between my lips and sucked it hard while still massaging it with my tongue, I felt her inner walls close around my fingers then flutter like butterfly wings as she came. A few "holy shits" and "Oh gods" came whispering from her lips until her body relaxed, and I allowed my fingers to slip from inside her as I stood up. I gathered a few tissues from a drawer in my desk and wiped off my fingers.

"We don't have much time," she murmured, stepping down from my desk and bending at the waist in front of me. She gathered her dress around her hips so her bare, naked ass was pressing against the hard strain in my trousers.

"Jesus, baby," I whispered, lightly caressing the soft, exposed flesh.

She rose up, pressing her back against my chest and cupping the side of my face with her hand while her lips blindly searched for mine. While our mouths relived the glory of each other's, I unbuckled my pants and let them and my boxers fall to the floor around my ankles.

I gripped her hips as I entered her, both of us still standing. Her lips slipped from mine as we became one and she bent, yet again, at the waist, holding herself up with her hands out in front of her, palms down on my desk.

For a brief moment, I thought nothing except for how hot this must have looked. My shirt- unbuttoned and hanging from my shoulders; my pants- laying in a puddle at my feet; Bella- with her dress bunched up at her hips with her bare ass in the air; both of us- making love at my desk during school hours. It was probably every student's fantasy to take Sexy Miss Swan from behind against a desk at school. This thought caused a smile to spread across my face while I kept a hard pace against her.

Our skin made wonderful, wet silky noises where we joined along with Bella's sex-whimpers that she made every time my cock drove even harder into her. "Edward…" she breathed. "I…I'm…oh god…"

"Holy shit, baby," I whispered as I felt her start to squeeze around me.

She cried out as she came at the exact time the bell rang. My orgasm followed next without me getting the chance to stop it after the bell.

"Oh shit!" Bella exclaimed, slipping off of me and grabbing more tissues to clean herself off.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" I chanted as I pulled my boxers and pants up, quickly tucking in my shirt while trying to button it.

Bella straightened out her dress, brushing her hands over the soft wrinkles our romp had left. Her fingers ran through her hair as searched all around her feet. "Where's my thong?"

"Uh…"

My head dropped as I continued to button my shirt and look for her panties.

A couple of knocks sounded at the door. "Shit! We're so fucked," Bella whispered.

"Just go. I'll look for them and bring them back to you before fourth block."

She huffed. "I can't go without panties!"

Another knock. "What the fuck were you doing before, Professor Commando?"

"I slipped those to you in the hall right before lunch!"

Another knock. "Okay, okay! Just go!" She huffed again, cocking her hip to the side and crossing her arms. She had an adorable pout on her face. I smiled as I finished readjusting my tie and stepped closer to her. My hands lightly ghosted across the soft skin of her arms and shoulders. "I'm sorry, baby. That was amazing. And I'm really really really _really_ upset that we had to cut it short." Her pouting lips turned up. "I love you."

She smiled, her eyes dropping briefly to my tie as she adjusted it once before turning and leaving my room. I heard several, "Ooooohhhhhhhhsssss," as Bella stepped around the line of students waiting to get into my _locked_ door.

"Dr. C, you are _so_ lucky. Miss Swan is _hot_!" exclaimed one pimple-faced kid as he made his way to the front.

"Miss Swan…_soooo _hot! Want to touch the hinny," said another kid, quoting _Billy Madison_.

"Okay, that's enough! Take your seats," I said sternly to the whole class as they quieted their laughs.

"Seriously, Dr. C. Miss Swan is, like, the hottest girl I've ever seen! Hotter than Megan Fox and Jessica Biel…and…" the pimple faced one said as he came closer and closer to the front of the room. "Hey, what's this?"

I watched as he bent down in front of my desk across from me and picked up…_Bella's thong_. My eyes widened as I gasped and lunged forward, yanking the material from his sweaty, chubby fingers. "It's, uh, my pocket handkerchief."

I bunched up the fabric, tucking in the strings in my jacket pocket, facing the outside of my suit and leaving some of the silk redness poke through the top. The boy shrugged, satisfied with my excuse and walked off.

The rest of the day, I tried not to think about how every time one of those boys looked at me while I taught, they were also staring right at Bella's underwear peaking up through my pocket.

"Is that…" Bella's voice trailed as I walked towards her desk as the students filed out the door.

I glanced at my pocket just below my shoulder. "How did those get there?" I asked, taking them out and fisting them in my hand. "Loose something, Miss Swan?" I held out my hand in front of her.

She snatched them quickly with her eyes darting to the last few students existing the room. "Hush," she scolded.

I smiled. "Bout ready to go home, babe?"

And thus ended my first day of school as a high school music teacher.

The next couple of weeks continued on as most did. When I wasn't at school, I was preparing for it. And on the weekends, we spent every moment with our family and friends. On one particular Saturday afternoon, it was sunny and pretty warm outside so Bella and I went to the park not far from my house where mostly little kids from the local neighborhoods were brought by their parents who sat by and watched them carefully on the jungle gyms.

But Bella was laid out on a blanket in the grass under a nice shade of over-hanging trees, reading a book and humming along to the steady strum of me on the guitar with Brody lying beside her with his head up and twisting around to look at all the children.

"_Lying in the park on a beautiful day, sun is shining in the grass while the children play…" _I sang softly.

I watched with an endearing smile as Bella's sandal clad foot tapped lightly on top of the grass and her fingers played with ends of her hair, twisting them around her fingertips then letting them spring free.

"How many kids do you want?" I asked her.

Her humming stopped as she paused before setting her book down across her chest still open. "What?"

"How many kids do you want?" I repeated, knowing she heard me.

She thought for a moment. "Two."

"Really? Just two?"

Her eyebrows wrinkled together. "Why? Is that not enough?"

I shrugged, still lightly strumming the cords. "Not at all. I just thought you wanted a lot more than that?"

"Why?"

_Because in reality, you're a maternity ward nurse._ "I don't know," I shrugged.

"How many do you want?"

_I haven't thought that far ahead._ "I don't know."

She giggled, picking her book back up and resting it on her chest in front of her eyes. "Well, all right then."

"What if we would have never met, Bella?" Was that me? Did I just say that?

Book down, again. Blue eyes on mine. "I'm sorry?" It was like an 'excuse me?' or an extreme 'what?'.

"What if we'd never met? How different do you think your life or mine would have ended up?"

Blue eyes questioning mine. "I'm not sure, Edward. I can't imagine…"

"Try."

She took in one long breath and exhaled slowly, sitting up and facing me. "Well, I wouldn't be teaching at all probably. And, uh, I would probably be living somewhere else entirely…"

I nodded, listening intently to every word she said and watching her eyes for every word she wouldn't say.

Slowly, she sighed and shook her head, looking down at Brody lying beside her. "But, really I can't imagine it, Edward." Her eyes lifted to mine. "It would be awful." _It is._ "I wouldn't want to live in any sort of world where you didn't exist."

"What if you woke up one day and it was like that?"

And it was in these moments, the moments where my guard was down and my secrets were up, when she would look at me this way…this one certain way where she was searching. In these moments, she looked at me like she _everything_. Every single thing. Her eyes searched and searched and searched, darting from my right eye to my left over and over until she either found she was looking for or until she gave up on finding what she couldn't.

"Edward…" she breathed. "I told you. I can't even imagine…"

And maybe in a perfect world, I could have told her everything. She might have sympathized with my pain and my everyday hidden secrets. But then again, I was playing with fire, and I knew Bella wasn't stupid or at all oblivious to anything. If she knew, which probably did, she didn't need reminding in a moment like this.

The following week was much, _much_ different. _Bella_ was different. There was something off about how she acted and how she was toward me. It was hard for me to describe the way she had changed. It wasn't like she was outright rude or snarky to me, but there was just a definite shift in how she spoke and acted toward me.

At school, everything was fine. She would smile at me when we'd pass each other in the hall, and we would eat lunch together in one of our rooms, although we never had another lunch date like the one on the first day. However, when we would broach certain topics in conversation, she seemed sad and almost indifferent to anything I had to say.

But at home, late in the night, was when the change in her was at its worst. She was present; she listened and talked, but her heart and her happiness had long since left during the whole week. At first, I just thought maybe it was PMS or something along those lines, but we were still having regular sex every day, and it was still just as passionate and as life-changing as the first times. And I also figured out that she was only acting this way towards _me_. Alice and Jasper, whom we didn't see much of because of work, never noticed any attitude change in Bella.

I ignored it though. I didn't want to just come out and ask her what I had done to upset her, partly because I was scared of what she might say and also because I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to know. So for the whole week, I tip-toed around Bella and her feelings, making sure to be on my best "fake" behavior and keep all secrets at bay.

But on Saturday, September 17, everything came to light.

I woke up with the light feel of soft skin underneath my fingertips. I dipped my nose into her hair and nuzzled her closer to me, pressing her back even closer into me. I lightly skimmed my fingers along her stomach while I laid kisses on her bare shoulder.

"Morning," I whispered into her hair.

She moaned slightly as she stretched and contorted her body like a cat while still staying close to me as she woke up. Once she had finished, she turned to me some, looked me in the eye and immediately dropped her smile and stiffened in my arms.

Her face tensed like it had during the week, and now, just like that, she was gone once again.

"Morning," she replied, soft and unsure.

My lips kissed hers that were still tense and somewhat cold, not in temperature but in manner. I tried to persuade her to give in to me, but still she was unrelenting. There was no tongue, just soft skin against soft skin.

She was the first the pull away without giving me another glance as she climbed from the bed, moving straight towards the bathroom.

I sighed, running a hand over my eyes and around to the back of my head through my hair. I dressed quickly into an old fraternity t-shirt and gym shorts, patting Brody on his head as I ran downstairs.

Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper were all standing around the kitchen counter eating breakfast, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper as I strolled in, being greeted by all of them..

"What are the two of you doing today?" Alice asked me.

I shrugged as I poured a cup of coffee. "I'm not sure." I took a small sip and started to pick up some toast and eggs.

"Well I was just wondering because…" she began just as Bella walked in, fastening her iPod around her bicep. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Alice exclaimed.

Bella's movements halted, her steps seized and her eyes slowly lifted to mine. She didn't acknowledge Alice or anyone else at all or make any sort of recognition the last words said. Only her eyes that hadn't truly looked into mine all week, stayed planted to mine to wait for my reaction.

The shattering sound of the porcelain plate I had been holding and Bella's name being called from my lips were the last echoes heard around the house.

Well…that and the sound of Bella slamming the front door as she ran from me.

* * *

**A/N: This has been planned fromt the very beginning. It's gonna get worse before it gets better.**

**'Preciate you.**


	17. Worse

**A/N: Well, you knew it was coming...**

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: Worse

I always felt like I chasing after her. Even when I wasn't, it felt like I was. She was_ running_; I was always _chasing_. My heart felt like a heavy rock in my chest as I slammed the front door behind me,_ chasing_ after Bella onto the front lawn.

I screamed her name over and over, telling her to wait and stop and to just give me one fucking minute to explain and listen to me; just _anything_ so I could explain everything, the truth if I had to, even though, I wouldn't. I never could.

The bottom fell out of the sky as thunder sounded mixed in with my cries and pleas for her to halt. Then, the rain came. And it poured. Worse, always worse.

But, she finally stopped.

"Every year, Edward…" she started. "…every fu…" I wasn't sure why she stopped herself from cursing, but she did, her eyes casting downward briefly while the rain soaked her white t-shirt, revealing her bright pink bra underneath and sticking her Nike shorts to her tone thighs. The sight should have been arousing or even comical somewhat, but just looking at her, thoroughly drenched and pissed off, stabbed me right through my porcelain heart. She finally raised her eyes, not bothering to push her wet strands of hair from her face as her voice lowered to a husky whisper. "Every year I beg you_ not_ to do something special for my birthday. Every year I beg you _not_ to make a big fuss over it…" her voice was soft and strained, drowning in the heavy downpour and thunder. "…and every year you don't listen to me."

I swallowed, my throat constricting and feeling like a thousand knives piercing my stomach and esophagus.

"All week, I waited." Her eyes dropped to the glistening grass below her feet. "Now, I just feel stupid."

I stayed at least 20 feet away from her, afraid of getting too close to her or taking another step closer which might ignite the fire in her to run again. Because I knew, deep in my heart, that's what she would do. Run.

"Why would you feel stupid?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know. For hoping, maybe," she shrugged. Her eyes lifted to mine once again, but they slowly traveled above my head where she glanced for a moment before rolling her eyes and looking back down.

I looked behind me to see the cause of such a reaction, when I did, I was met with four sets of eyes peeking through the blinds of the dining room at us. When they noticed me catching them snooping on mine and Bella's not-so-private "disagreement" on the front lawn in the fucking downpour, they immediately straightened the blinds, snapping them shut.

"I swear to God," she groaned. "This is so embarrassing." Her hands gestured towards her clinging shirt and bright, pink boobs, but in my head, I knew. I knew.

"Let's go inside, Bella. It's pouring. We can…we can talk inside." And again in the back recesses of my mind, I was aware of the light goose bumps pebbling my flesh, but the water slid right off my skin, leaving no sort of feeling. Numb to the cold, numb to the rain, numb to the knives in my throat.

"No," she replied swiftly. "I can't…I, uh…" she glanced behind her, lingering for a moment towards her jeep in the driveway. "I'm gonna go." Always running.

"Bella! Please-" Always chasing.

" 'Please' what, Edward? What do you possibly have to say to me?" With her voice raised and her eyes piercing, tears began to mix with the raindrops down her face. She took another step away from me. "I have nothing left to say to you." Running.

"Baby…_baby_…" my voice clamored and my throat constricted, whining and wailing and pushing away every urge that I had to cry until the tears ran dry . "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please, don't leave. I don't…I didn't even…" And words…they wouldn't come, wouldn't help in my chase.

"What? What is it, Edward?" She came closer to me, yelling and getting close enough where I felt the heat from her body close to mine. Inside, there was a war raging within me; part of me rejoicing in her proximity and the involuntary reaction my body had to touch her, hold her…kiss her, but another part, the smaller part but the one that happened to show up today, was scared for what was next: the inevitable…the _truth_. The part where I beg and beg and make no sense until she relents and forgives.

She sighed. "Tell me, Edward! Just fucking tell me what the fuck is going on?"

But not this time. Like in the previous months, I considered it. In my heart, I knew it would have been the right thing to do. I would have felt better, I would have felt lighter and for the first time, there would have been no more secrets or lies holding me back. She would have seen me, the real me, no more pretending, no more masks or hidden questions.

This person, the one she fell in love with, was not the one standing before her now. That person, she knew. That person knew her birthday, would never forget and would probably wake her up with rose petals stroking her face delicately and singing her favorite song softly in her ear. But the one inside, deep beneath the masks and lies and deceit, was the one who just _didn't_. The one who screwed up, the one who didn't know, who didn't ask, who didn't care enough, who didn't _do_ enough. Beneath was the person who stood small and on their knees begging. Beneath was the one who fell in love in a dream.

And to my knees, I fell. And from my eyes, I cried. But from my mouth, came nothing.

With my weeping eyes shut tight, I heard her searing voice, seething and furious above me. "I want to know why all of a sudden you forget where we put the can opener. I want to know why Brody never comes near you or why you never take him out for a walk at night anymore. I want to know why you don't remember where I live. I want to know why you don't go to the batting cages every Sunday anymore. I want to know why you didn't remember Angela's name at school. I want to know, after four years, why you forgot my _birthday_!"

Her voice was screaming as loud as it would allow her, but still drowned in the heavy rainfall and thunder around us. My bare knees were muddied and sinking further and further into the earth. I thought fleetingly that maybe it could just swallow me up, take me away from here, away from the rain and hurt and scorn and back to the honeymoon suite.

I lifted my head and looked up at her through watery eyes. Her expression was so hurt and pained with her eyebrows scrunched and her lips pressed tight together as silent, unemotional tears fell from her blue eyes. I looked away instantly as a choked sob bubbled from within my chest and left through my lips.

In a hoarse, shaky whisper, she said, "Who are you?" My hands flew to my soaked face as I sunk further to the ground until I was sitting back on my legs. Wrenching sobs continued to gurgle from me one right after another as she asked again, "Who are you?"

"I don't know," I choked.

"Who are you?" she continued.

"I don't know." Each one came out just as strangled as the last.

"WHO ARE YOU!" she shouted.

I wanted to yell at her. I wanted her to stop this inglorious torture on me. But I solicited it, so I welcomed the persecution and suffering that came from every raised word she screamed and every broken tear she cried.

"Bella, I'm so…I'm so s-s-sorry. Please be-believe me. I didn't m-mean to hurt you." I kept her gaze while she only stared down at me, expressionless as tears kept streaming from her beautiful eyes. "I-I-I love you so much. _God_, I just love you s-s-so much it hurts. I-I-I can't even…." Every word felt fruitless while she stared down at me in such utter disgust. "I tried s-s-so hard."

She was still so beautiful. Even with mascara stained tears glistening across her cheeks and even with her hair wet and sodden down her shoulders, she was still so beautiful. Her eyes were red and glassy with its dark flecks of blue prominent and almost the same shade when she also wants me in bed. The irony and heartache of this realization didn't go unnoticed by my chest which both swelled and contracted as I stared at her.

She just stared and stared at me, unmoving and expressionless. Tears kept streaming so I knew she was holding back, but her face and her body left no room for me to know what she was feeling. She didn't say a word, only the fresh tears running down her cheeks and the heavy pant of her chest rising and falling being the only indicators that there was a soul or spirit inside such an empty shell.

My knees were starting to go numb, but along with the rest of me, it still made no difference. I waited, my hands and fingers twitching as I fought desperately to touch her and reach out in unwarranted attempts. The rain continued to cloud every blink of my eyes as the downpour continued. Every few moments, thunder would sound and rumble the earth causing tremors to wreck through my body and make my heart flutter and pain every cavity in my chest. I welcomed each one, reminding me in thunderous booms that the universe, God, destiny…who ever had the gall to punish me so endlessly, had some sort of humor with this added irony.

Resigned to the fact that I wasn't the only one waiting on something, I spoke again, this time a little more coherently and a little more honestly. "I know that none of this makes sense. I know that…you've been putting up with a lot from me, and I know that you're not stupid. I know that! I just…" Okay, maybe not so coherently. "…I need you to trust me."

She leaned towards me, coming so close to my ear that I felt her warm breath tickle my chilled skin. Her features darkened further. "Fuck you, Edward Cullen."

She turned and started to walk away, once again. I stood quickly, my knees shaking briefly after being held down so long. "Bella, please! You don't understand-"

"Don't you _ever_ tell me that I don't understand!" she yelled, looking back at me and pointing in my face before running once again.

"Bella! Bella, please. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please don't leave me. I know I've been acting…different lately, but…"

"Different?" She stopped yet again, turning towards me looking more hurt and angered than ever. "Everything about you is different! The way you look at me, the way you touch me, the way you tell me you love me, the way you…_make love_ to me." The last part was nothing but a soft whisper.

"How _do_ I…I mean…why is it…different?"

"Like every time is gonna be the last time." A lone tear traveled from the corner of her right eye all the way down her cheek and down her throat to the end of her collarbone. She said her last statement like it was so obvious, like she had thought about it countless times before. "It's scary."

I only nodded, because, honestly…what should I say to that? Had this been what she was thinking about all those times when she would just stare at me? How long had she felt like this? How long had she _known_?

I wanted to give her answers, but I felt like none of it really mattered because either she wouldn't believe me or she would think of me as being nothing but crazy. But I was going to go mad if she didn't let me at least have a chance to change her mind about leaving me.

"I just want the truth, Edward." And her voice that was once large and fuming calmed to a shaky whisper.

"I know, baby. I know." I reached out a clammy, trembling hand slowly towards her face, giving her time to stop me or pull away. When all she did was shut her eyes, I smiled a small, fleeting smile and cupped the side of her soaked, tear-stained face. When she still didn't pull away, I cupped the other side, framing her face with my hands and stepping even closer to her. Her bottom lip trembled as tears escaped her closed eyes while she cried on my hands. "My sweet, beautiful girl, I am so sorry that I hurt you." She finally opened her eyes, glassy tears continued to fall. "I thank God every night for giving me another day with you."

"I miss him." That, I was not expecting.

"What?"

"I miss him. The one I fell in love with. Whenever you find him, I'll return."

She pulled away, pushing my chest lightly as our skin parted ways and leaving the dreaded cold in its place. My hands fumbled for hers as she turned, yet again, and walked away. "Bella! Give me a chance! Just…give me a second to explain!-"

"I've given you plenty of chances. I'm done."

Her pace quickened as she neared her car with me directly on her heels. "Bella!" I screamed and reached out for her, my hand lightly brushing her arm before she pulled it away. "Just listen to me for one fucking second! Please!"

"All right. Go right ahead. Explain. I can't wait to hear it." She stopped right in front of her driver's side door, arms crossed and watching me expectantly.

My anger took over. "I didn't ask for this. I didn't _want_ any of this!" She asks for the truth, yet I tell her more lies. "I'm trying my best! All I want is to wake up and have you by my side and just to be…I don't know…happy, maybe? But no one ever asked me what I wanted! I'm just stuck here."

"You're just stuck, huh?"

"Yeah. I am! I'm stuck here! Everyday! With you…and this house…with all of them. I mean, what do you expect from me, Bella?"

Her eyes narrowed into small slits, the blue of her irises not even visible as her jaw tensed and the tears…well, they dried and left nothing but streaks of what used to be salt marks of brokenness down her pink cheeks.

"Nothing. I expect nothing from you, Edward."

And she left. She got in her car, slammed the door and scurried in the pouring rain as fast and as far away from me as her little white jeep could take her. And me? I was alone, just like always. My knees gave out once again, bringing me to the earth yet again as reality set in telling me of every wrong I threw in her face and in mine, of every word spewed from my mouth and set in her heart, searing her insides.

And just like everything else, irony reared again, reminding me of larger things at work. The rain ceased, and the sun came out, warming my skin but the inside stayed the same. My stomach felt heavy, and my throat was scratchy, leaving a horrible taste. Was this how it would feel once I woke up without her? If it hurt this much to have her leave me here, how would it feel if I was without her forever?

I hadn't realized I was crying again until I brought my hands to my face to cradle my head. Choked sobs left my body, one after another as I thought of how pathetic I sounded to her, how unproductive my actions were and how I should have said so much more to her. I fell even further to the ground until my hands were pressed into the muddy grass, gripping it and holding on so I felt some semblance of being centered in this universe.

I could have been there minutes or hours, I really wasn't sure, but all of a sudden I was being pulled from the ground and being drug through the lawn closer and closer to the front door.

"No!" I protested, sobs still leaving my chest. "Just leave me!"

"Come on, man. You're soaked," Jasper's voice replied, simple and firm.

I twisted and contorted my body until I was free from him, falling back to the ground. "Just leave me. Just leave me." I chanted, grabbing the earth yet again.

Warm arms. "No-can-do, brother. Let's go."

My head shook violently back and forth. "No. No. No."

"Edward…" Emmett's voice. "She's not coming back." A strangled sob escaped, eyes shut tight. "Come on now."

My head continued to shake as they lifted me, one under each arm, and carried me up the porch to the front door. With each step I felt further and further away from her.

"You forgot her birthday?" Rosalie's voice shouted as she pulled the front door open suddenly. "Jesus fucking Christ! You've really done it this time!" She took off towards her car parked along the curb in the street. "Alice!" Sure enough, Alice followed right along behind her, giving me a sorrowful look as she passed us. Together, they left, chasing after the one who kept running.

"Dammit. This sucks," Emmett. So articulate. "Did you two just break up?"

"No," I answered, quick and assuredly.

"Sure looks like it…"

"Emmett-" Jasper warned.

"What happened, anyway?" Emmett asked as we made our way into the kitchen. Jasper brought me a towel to dry off with.

"I'm such a fucking, pathetic idiot," I answered, thinking of all the things I _should_ have said and done.

"Who forgot her birthday," Emmett finished.

I nodded. _Agreed. Somewhat, at least._

"She said she always tells me never to make a big deal about it, but…"

"That's what _all_ women say. It's a test," Emmett reasoned.

With Bella, I wasn't so sure. "I just didn't know…" when I said this, Jasper locked eyes with me, questions running through his gaze. I wanted to nod, but I didn't, instead, I only continued to stare. Without anything said, he knew. The look came in his eyes, understanding, and then he seemed sympathetic. I didn't want it, but I took it. It made me feel somewhat better.

"She looked really pissed," Emmett said as he continued to stare out the window into the front lawn where only minutes ago my whole world fell on top of me. The look on his face made me think he was reliving it like I was.

"She was," I confirmed. "…is," I corrected.

"She coming back?" Jasper asked.

I sighed, rubbing my hair back and forth with the towel. "I don't think so."

And she didn't. I waited for hours and hours, calling her over and over and leaving messages that were almost as pathetic as I sounded right before she left, saying the same sentences over and over: "I love you so much" and "I'm so sorry" and "Please don't leave me."

They all went unanswered. For a whole day. You never know how long a whole day is until you feel anxious enough to count every second and every minute of every hour of the whole, damn day. Believe me when I say that a day is a whole lot of minutes and hours.

Rosalie and Alice never came back either. If they called to check in Jasper and Emmett, I didn't know about it. They might have just kept it to themselves, part of me slightly grateful for their concern while another just wanted to know how she was doing because I was a fucking wreck.

And after many failed attempts of sneaking past Jasper and Emmett to get to my car and drive to see her, I finally decided to give up my chase for the day and call it a night…at 7:00 p.m. I took half an Ambien and was almost asleep when a knock sounded at my bedroom door.

Not even bothering to throw on a pair of shorts over my boxers or even a shirt, I ran to the door and swung it open, thanking God for bringing her back to me.

"Don't get too excited. It's only me," said Alice as she stepped past me and entered the room.

"Too late," I groaned, closing the door behind her.

"Well you better be glad it's me and not Rose," she replied as she walked to the closet and pulled down on of Bella's suitcases. "She's ready to circumcise you."

"I'm already circumcised."

She turned her head and looked me in the eye. "She knows."

I shuddered.

"Uh, what are you doing?" I asked her as she floated around the room, picking up anything that looked like it might be Bella's and placing it neatly into the suitcase. She ignored my question, humming softly to herself as she went into the bathroom. "Alice?" I called after her. "What are you doing?"

I stood in the doorway of the bathroom, watching as she gathered all of Bella's makeup and hair products and girly shit that I didn't know was even in there. When she turned around and started towards me to exit, I didn't budge. My expression was one of complete remorse and slightly annoyed as she waited for me to move.

"Edward, don't make this any harder…"

"How is she? What did she say?"

"She's fine. She's just gonna stay at her place for a while…" she tried side-stepping me. I stepped with her.

"For how long?"

"I don't know," she went the other way. I followed. "Edward…"

"How long, Alice?"

She sighed. "However long it takes."

"For…" I urged.

"Edward, listen…" she started as she set the suitcase down by her side and stood directly in front of me. "I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you, okay? We've always been able to be honest, right?"

_I guess._ "Yes." _Sure._

"She's hurt. And not just the 'we got in a fight and now I'm really pissed and I want him to know it' hurt. She's, like, truly, beyond a shadow of a doubt, hurt."

I slumped forward, pressing my palms on either side of the doorframe in front of me. Alice kept on.

"She thinks you're going to leave her."

"I'm not leaving her, Alice."

"She doesn't get that. In her heart, you've checked out already. You've already given up on her." My eyes, downcast on her feet, watched as her scandals took a step closer to me. "She needs…"

I waited and waited and waited, and as each moment passed on to the next, I wondered if I would ever get my answer.

"She needs…" I pressed.

My head rose as I watched Bella's best friend, besides the one whom had hurt her seemingly beyond repair, struggle and sigh, residing to the fact that neither one of us truly knew what Bella needed.

"I love her, Alice. I'm _in_ love with her. She is…everything. She's my whole world. Please, tell her that for me."

She nodded, looking just as sad and depressed as my head and heart felt.

"I will," she promised, even though we both knew Bella had already heard those words before and believed them once, and possibly knowing they were not enough then just as they weren't now.

"Can I come see her with you?"

Alice blinked, slowly and sadly. She shook her head. "Not today."

I nodded, thinking how lonely and cold my bed would surely feel tonight. Alice moved to leave the bathroom, this time, I allowed it. Slowly, I followed her to my bedroom door, my eyes never leaving the black suitcase in her hand.

Without another word said, I was alone once again. I stood on the other side of the closed door with my hands laid flat against it, as tearless sobs bubbled in my throat, warming it and leaving my chest in a cold whoosh. No tears came, my body's way of telling me I was all cried out. The fact only made me angry, because without the tears there was no anguish leaving me. It only resonated within, churning and bubbling over and over deep inside me. No release, no moment of calm came. My breath was choked as my panting became worse.

Finally, like God himself came knocking on my door, a very faint whimper came from the other side of the door that I was still holding, just as still and as lifeless as the person, broken and panting before it. Slowly, the door creaked as I opened it, revealing the only part of her that she had left behind.

And in the darkness of the still and cold night, I clutched Brody as he and I cried for the person we hoped would return to us. That night, I was not alone.

* * *

**A/N: Man, that was depressing. It'll get better. Still trust me?**

**'Preciate you.**


	18. Unforgiven

**A/N: I don't own. Mistakes are mine today. **

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Unforgiven

Webster's dictionary defines a dream as "a series of imaginary thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep." I disagreed, completely. The pain, the anguish, the suffering and all the loneliness that I felt was anything _but_ imaginary. In fact, I considered it very, _very_ real. The stabbing pains in my chest, the tightening of my throat and the twists and turns in my stomach were all reminders that everything was definitely and unquestionably real.

However, for the first time since July 9th, I wanted to wake up. Without her, this whole experience meant nothing at all to me. All I wanted was her, and if I couldn't have her then I just wondered what the point was?

The next day was much the same as the last. Alice and Rose stayed with Bella the whole day and even another night, while Jasper and Emmett stayed with me and made sure that I didn't leave to go see her.

There was one thing that was different: Blake came.

I wasn't not sure if Rose told him about what happened or if Bella did, but at any rate, the very next night, Blake arrived.

"So…what's new?" Blake asked after taking a seat next to me on the couch. We embraced briefly when he arrived, and even though I hated to admit how glad I was to see him, just his presence made me feel a little better. Very little, though.

I shrugged in return, taking a sip from my beer. It was Sunday…and I had started drinking at 10:00 a.m. It was 5:00 now, and I was on beer number 12. The hole in my chest felt a little better. Again, very little.

"You smell like shit. Have you showered?" Blake's nose turned up as he watched me.

I lifted the collar of my t-shirt and inhaled. I did smell pretty bad, a mixture of beer, sweat and mildew. Again, I shrugged and showed no reaction to the sour smell that I was giving off.

"What happened?" his voice was small and weak. Exactly how I felt.

"We had a fight. She left." Sounded so simple, didn't it?

"What did you fight about?"

No, not simple. "She thinks I've changed."

Blake scoffed. "You _have_ changed."

For the first time since he walked in, I looked at him. "What?"

A small smile appeared on his face. "You've changed. I could tell from the moment I came down for Rose's wedding. You're…different."

Different? I was beginning to resent that word. "Apparently, it's a _bad_ 'different'."

"Maybe." He was silent for a few minutes as I continued to half-ignore him and half-praise God for having him there with me. A thought briefly popped in my head about how I could ask him to stay until Bella started talking to me again so I wouldn't be alone, but then I immediately thought of how completely pathetic and slightly homosexual that sounded then proceeded to borate myself for even having thought such a thing. "Have you talked to her since she left?" he asked, apparently after the long pause, he still had not forgotten about the subject at hand.

"Nope," I popped the 'p', completely indigent and unattached…well, at least on the outside. "She won't talk me."

"Try harder."

I scoffed. "I've tried as hard as I could to stop her from leaving." I took a long gulp of my beer then added, "I'm done _trying_."

"Edward…" his voice was strong and held a firm warning, causing me to break my eyes away from the baseball game on the television and to focus on him beside me, staring back at me and looking every bit as miserable as I felt inside. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Uh, excuse me?"

"I'm tired of beating around the fucking bush with you. You've been acting ridiculous, and I've ignored it for long enough. I wanna know what's wrong, and I wanna know _now_."

I sighed, feeling more drunk and numb than ever before. In my gut, I realized that in a sober state of mind I might have started to get angry right along with him, but I wasn't angry at all and I definitely wasn't sober.

"Well, you see…" my voice carried a normal tone, almost sounding bored and somewhat dead, as I was anything but. "…I woke up one day, and I was here. Here in this life, here in this house, here with all these people that I didn't know or recognize…here with _her_. And now, I just want to go back."

He didn't say anything. He just sat and waited. His cold, blue eyes were not the ones I so desperately sought, but they were familiar nonetheless so I enjoyed just the staring and the waiting. Just his presence was somewhat reassuring, the steady intake of breath beside me was comforting.

"So that's just _it_. You're giving up?" he said, finally.

"She won't talk to me," I shrugged.

"Try harder."

"I told you. _I'm done trying_."

His sigh was loud and resounding. "You're being a selfish prick." I chuckled and took another long draw from my beer. "I'm gonna tell you a story, okay? And you might not like it, but I don't give a fuck, you're gonna listen anyway. Okay?"

I was about to respond, instead, he continued unprompted. "It was junior year, and the two hot-girl neighbors and my sister had just moved in next door so we went over. It looked like only Alice and Rosalie were home but when Alice started up the dishwasher when we first walked in, the hottest fucking girl to ever walk the planet runs in the kitchen where you, me, Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rose are, standing in only a tiny pink towel, soaking wet and yelling at Alice about the hot water." Blake smiled as he remembered, and my heart clenched yet again in fury and pain. "We all fell in fucking love that day."

I wanted to remember, I wanted to think back and know what it was like in the beginning. I was jealous of Blake for having the memory and for having lived it. On the inside though, I was dying. My intoxicated mind was still not numb enough to recognize every ounce of pain each of his thoughtful words caused me.

A lone tear betrayed my angry eyes as it trickled down my cheek. I swiped it away with my beer-clutched hand and prayed that Blake didn't catch it even though I was positive he did.

"Why are you telling me this?" If he hadn't known that I was crying before, he knew now, because my unsteady, nervous voice cracked and shook with every word which left nothing hidden.

His next words were soft and light. "Why do I have to?"

And deep down, I was certain that he had known this whole time. He and Bella. I could have spewed lie after traitorous lie at each one of them, over and over; but none of it would have swayed them from knowing the truth. So the truth, I gave him.

"Man, I told you. I woke up one day, and I didn't remember a damn thing. I didn't know you or anyone except my family."

"And this is what you fought with Bella about?"

"No, I didn't tell her."

"What? Why not?" he asked, his tone rising slightly.

"Because!" My tone rose with his. "Because she would look at me differently! Because I'm afraid of her realizing I'm not the person she fell in love with!" Tears were rolling down my cheeks now… "because I can't stand even the thought of going back to a life without her."

Even though my voice had fallen to a soft whisper, Blake kept up his high, fiery tone. "She loves _you_! _You_! No one else! Don't you believe that?"

"I'm not the same person –"

"Then who are you?"

And there was that question again, the one question that I had no answer for. "I don't-… I'm trying to figure that part out."

He stared at me long and hard, only wasting time to blink. After several moments, he sighed and scrunched his nose up. "Well, right now, you look like a drunken piece of shit that smells like seven cans of shark shit." I laughed only because he hadn't said it to be hurtful; he was only telling me what I needed to hear.

After our laughter had dissipated, I said, "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," he smiled. "Actually, I was thinking…what if I moved in to Emmett's old room?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, ya know, until I found a place of my own."

This time, I smiled. "That'd be okay."

"Yeah?" he asked.

I confirmed, "Yeah." He nodded and grew quiet between us once again. I was glad to hear of Blake moving to Seattle, and even happier to hear of him living with us now. I loved the kid, no matter how much I didn't want him to know it. "Hey, did Rose call you and tell you to come?" His face fell, but he shook his head. "Did Emmett?" Again, his head shook. "Jasper?"

"Bella did." My throat warmed and choked at the mention of her name. "She knew Jasper and Emmett were working a lot, and she didn't want you to be alone."

"Fuck…she can't even get mad at me without still caring about me!"

"So you're pissed that she cares too much?"

"No! I just…I just don't understand it."

"Well…" he exclaimed as he stood up. "I'll ask her for you. I'm about to go see her."

My head immediately rose to look at Blake's standing figure. I fumbled with my beer as I haphazardly placed it next to me on a nearby table and stood in front of him. "You're what?"

He shrugged, like it was no big deal. "I'm gonna go see her."

"Wh-wh-wh- why would you go see her?" my voice betrayed me, and as did my flailing hands.

"She's my friend too, doucebag," he replied as he turned and headed in the direction of the front door.

"Well, she's my- my…"

"Your what? Your _girlfriend_?" he snorted with a smile as he neared the door.

"She's still my girlfriend, Blake."

"Don't worry, Red. I'll take _real_ good care of her for ya…" he smiled, devilishly with a wink and smirk. "Any messages you'd like to send with me for her? A love note? A hug? A _kiss_?" Again, he smiled, showing his straight, stark white teeth.

I groaned and suppressed every natural feeling in my body. "Don't touch her. But tell her…" What was there to say to her? What words did I have left in me? Nothing seemed like enough. "Tell her that I miss her, okay?" His eyes immediately softened as he slowly nodded his head. "And tell her that I never want to live without her."

That night, as I waited for Blake to come home with a message back from Bella, I thought about how weird it would be for me to see her at school the next day. Or how I would be driving to Washington Heights by myself, and walk into school by myself and not see her smile at me and kiss me goodbye in the morning. It was hard for me to even imagine going a day without any of that, and even harder to imagine getting used to it.

I wondered if she would even speak to me at all. Would she ignore me completely in the hallways? Would she tell everyone about our fight because I just _knew_ that the students would recognize if something was bothering us. I wondered how she would look. Would look pained and unhappy? Would she look every bit as miserable on the outside as I felt inside? And most of all, I wondered if she would come see at lunch time, like she did every day.

When Blake finally made it back, it was late but not late enough for me to be asleep yet, even though sleep was not something I expected tonight. I was outside playing fetch with Brody on the front lawn when Blake arrived home.

I was as nonchalant and uncaring as I could pretend to be as he took his time making his way over to where I stood on the lawn. I watched as Brody sprinted towards him.

"So…" I said.

"So…" he replied as he bent down to Brody's level and petted his head. He leaned back right as Brody tried to lick his face.

"How is she?"

"Who?"

I scoffed under my breath. "Blake…seriously…"

He laughed, staring up at me from his bent form as he continued to pet Brody. "She's fine." And after a moment, he added in a lower voice, "…better than you."

"Heard that."

"Meant for ya to."

I tossed the tennis ball on the other side of the yard and watched as Brody quickly followed, Blake and his lavish petting completely forgotten.

"What am I gonna do when I see her tomorrow?" I asked.

Blake let out a long breath as he rose to his feet and stood beside me, watching straight ahead as Brody ran after the ball and started on his way back towards us.

"Well…I guess you just act normal."

"I can't do that," I grumbled.

"Either do that or tell her the truth, man."

"I can't do that either."

"Then, _fuck_. I don't know," he sighed.

It was quiet between us for a while. We only stared ahead as Brody ran back and forth around the yard, chasing after the tennis ball and loving every moment of it. I wished that for a few minutes I could go without thinking of Bella like Brody obviously had and be happy doing something without her. But maybe I was never meant to, and now all I could think of was a way to bring her back.

"Did you tell her what I told you to tell her?" I asked, breaking our long silence.

With a distressing look on his face, slowly, he nodded his head. And then even slower, his head rose and our eyes met. In that one look, he told me everything I needed to know.

He had told her, but she had said nothing back.

I fell asleep with my phone in my hand and next to head. I knew my alarm would startle me greatly in the morning, but I couldn't stand the thought of sleeping through a phone call or a text or an email reply from Bella. Although, in my heart, I wasn't expecting one at all.

So imagine my complete surprise when at 2:02 in the morning, I finally, _finally_ got a response.

Four words: _I miss you too._

The next morning, when I arrived at school, Bella's jeep was not in the parking lot yet. I was still early so I wasn't too surprised by it. I was sitting at the ridiculously large round table in the conference room with a few other teachers talking about the weekend but leaving everything about Bella and I out whenever Bella walked into the room.

And I was shocked. Not because she was slightly later than usual, and not just because it was like every person in the room automatically smiled and stared at her as she strolled in. No. I was shocked by how _perfectly_ beautiful she looked.

Her hair was worn down and curled in perfect waves over her shoulders and down her back. Her makeup was…perfect. There were no dark circles under eyes or tear stains on her cheeks or red lines in her eyes. Everything about her…every tiny insignificant detail on her appearance was perfect, like nothing had broken her heart and left her shattered and torn to pieces.

And I was right. Just looking at her, broke me all over again. My heart clenched and beat frantically in my chest while my throat warmed and constricted. I rubbed my clammy hands on the outside of my slacks and watched as Bella walked towards me.

It was like she was walking in slow motion. Every step and pace she took near me made me more and more nervous. In an attempt to look away from her for a moment and clear my head, I moved the empty chair beside me out a little bit so she would be able to take her usual seat next to me with ease.

When I looked back up, however, she had walked past me. And she took a seat next to Angela on the other side of the table.

I stared at her from across the table in complete amazement because that's exactly how I felt. Amazed. I waited for her to recognize my staring, but she never looked up. The whole meeting went by, and she never even looked at me. Everyone else, though, seemed to be looking between the two of us with confused and wondering eyes.

But Bella, with her blue eyes cold and lifeless, stared ahead as Ben, the headmaster, talked about the upcoming week.

After the meeting was finished, I waited around for Bella outside the door while she talked to a few of the teachers and asked questions to Ben. I watched her from the small window through the top part of the door. She was smiling and acting cheerful to everyone who spoke to her, and suddenly, I wasn't sure what hurt me more: the fact that she looked perfect and as unaffected as anyone could be by what happened between us this weekend or the fact that I was looking like a complete wreck and hadn't even showered this morning.

I heard the heel of her knee high, grey boots clicking towards the door right as I moved off to the side so she wouldn't see me in the window and decide to start running once she realized I was waiting outside for her.

As she opened the door and stepped into the hallway, the first thing I noticed was still how beautiful she looked in a short grey dress with suede matching boots that almost came above her knees and had a heel that made her stand almost to my shoulder. She looked like she had just stepped off a runway, but she was just a teacher who made my knees shaky.

"Hey," I whispered as the conference room door shut behind her.

She turned around immediately, making her hair toss over her shoulder and almost hit me in the face. But the smell was the only thing that hit me. _Cotton candy_.

Her face fell, making her look somewhat disgusted as she faced me. It was the first time she had looked at me, and still I saw nothing that told me she felt any sort of remorse or sadness. "Hey." With that, she started walking.

I straightened my stance and took off beside her, falling in stride with her. "Bella, please. Won't you at least talk to me?"

"I have nothing left to say."

"Well, I have lots." I kept glancing at her as we walked quickly down the hall. How could someone with such a small body walk so fast?

She gave me a brief glance in the corner of her eye, quickly scanning my entire body from head to toe. Finally, she said, "You look awful."

I scoffed. "So I hear."

"Your tie's crooked," she said, staring straight ahead.

I wanted to tell her it was because she wasn't there that morning to fix it for me, but instead, I adjusted it myself as we neared the door to her classroom.

"Will you come see me at lunch?" I asked, right before she was about to step inside.

To my surprise, she didn't turn me down quite as quickly as I had anticipated her to. I had expected a fast rejection, but instead, she stilled her movements with her eyes downcast to the floor. She stood like that for a few moments, her blue eyes wide and dancing back and forth in total concentration.

I hung on for her next words.

"Maybe." And the door shut in my face behind her.

It wasn't a yes, but more importantly, it wasn't a no. And I'd take it.

Unfortunately, she didn't come. For the next three days. And on the fourth day, people started asking questions. And by people, I meant students.

"Dr. Cullen? You've been lookin' rough, man," Tyler said as he strolled into my fourth block class.

I chuckled, glancing down at my slightly wrinkled button up and slacks. My hands went to my tie, checking the posture of it as I walked around to the front of my desk where I leaned against it, watching them ascend to their seats.

"Thanks, Crowley. I appreciate that."

"No offense to you at all, Dr. C. It's just you've been acting like someone peed in your cheerios since Monday," he replied.

Mike walked up behind Tyler as they both approached the front of the room. "Hey! Don't give him a hard time. He's just had his heart broken," Mike said with smile and clasp on the shoulder to Tyler.

I frowned. "Excuse me?"

Mike looked at me, still smiling, smug as shit. "S'okay, Dr. C. Jessica told me all about Miss Swan breaking up with you."

Even the words of a pimple-faced, chubby seventeen-year-old cut me like none other. "Miss Swan and I didn't break up, Mike. Jessica was mistaken."

"Er, I don't know about that. Jessica seemed pretty sure."

"Who did she hear that from?" I asked, my patience slowly dwindling as I thought of all the ways to crush this rumor-starting outlaw.

Mike and Tyler exchange a brief glance before they replied together, in unison: "Miss Swan."

With immense restrain that came from a place deep inside me, I kept my eyes from bugging out of my skull and, for some reason, I had a great urge to throw something. Instead, I immediately wrote an assignment on the board and put Jane, a nerdy-tattle-tell in charge before I ran out the door, headed towards Bella's.

It was Bella's one break in the day so I knew she didn't have a class as I angrily knocked at her door. I watched through the window in her door as her head rose suddenly from the papers on her desk on the other side of the room. Her eyes narrowed while her lips pursed. If I hadn't been so jaded by my anger, I might have thought she looked sexy. Instead, just seeing her made me angrier.

I rapped again on the door, motioning for her to hurry up and open it. I watched her chest visibly rise and fall as she sighed and finally stood up.

"We need to talk," I said through the door as she walked closer. We hadn't talked since our Monday morning after our weekly meeting. She hadn't replied to any of my text messages or phone calls or emails or any type of contact.

Her eyes met mine as her hand ran through her hair, falling down the back of her shoulders then moving back in place. She sighed once more before unlocking the door and walking back to her desk.

I swiftly opened the door, closed it and locked behind me, and before she could get very far away from me, I grabbed the top of her arm, ignoring the warmth and smoothness of her skin under my fingers.

"We need to talk," I repeated. "Why are you telling people that we broke up?" It came out a bit more furious than I intended.

Her eyes narrowed further. "Is that not what we did?"

Angrier. "No, Bella! We did not. Believe me. I was there. We. Did. Not. Break. Up."

She tugged her arm away, crossing them around her body and putting her weight on one hip. "I was there too, Edward. Trust me. We're obviously not together anymore."

Hurt replaced anger. "Is that really what you think?"

There was a brief flash of sadness in her eyes before she looked away from me. "I don't know."

"Bella…" I said with my voice lowered. "We're just…on a break." It sounded almost as stupid coming out of my mouth as it did in my head. "We're just taking some time. Please, don't tell the students that we broke up."

"I didn't."

"Jessica Stanley is telling everyone that _you _told her we broke up."

"She must have heard me talking to Angela. I'm sorry," she replied which didn't make me feel any better since she would tell Angela who was a really good friend of hers.

"We're not broken up, Bella."

Her eyes left mine as her voice dropped to a soft whisper. "Okay."

_Okay?_ That's it? _Okay?_

I ran my hand through my hair, pulling at the ends as I groaned loudly. Feeling every muscle in my body tighten, I could feel myself grow angrier by the minute and not even because she thought we were officially not together anymore but because she didn't seem to just _care_.

I let out a long, loud groan. "_God_, Bella! Why don't you…" my voice trailed as I wondered what I wanted from her or at least what was the most important to me.

" 'Why don't I' what?" her voiced was high and raised as she shouted right back at me.

"Why don't you _care_?" I asked her.

Her eyebrows came together while her blue eyes bounced between each of my eyes. "I do care!"

"No, you don't! Look at you! You look…perfect!" I motioned to her _perfectly_ pressed brown slacks and her _perfectly_ fitted champagne-colored shirt.

"What?" she screamed.

"I can't believe how _unaffected_ you are by all of this! I've literally, for the past week, been completely unable to eat, sleep or do anything without thinking of you! It's like…like a constant hole is in my chest, and…and I can't breathe because of it. And I can't eat because it always feels like I'm full, like my stomach doesn't even know how to get hungry. And…and I cry, Bella! I cry all the time! I _never_ cry.

"And then, I come to school, and I look at you…and you just look perfect, like nothing ever happened to alter your life at all. And what am I supposed to think? Huh? How can you go around and act like nothing has changed for you?"

Tears were rolling like raindrops down her face. I made no attempt to comfort her as I kept my three feet of distance from her. From her skin, from her scent, from her warmth and from her complete control that she held over me.

"I look _this way_ and act _this way_ because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that everyone will know how completely _broken_ I am on the inside," her voice was low and cracked every few words as she continued to cry. "I'm afraid that everyone will know I cry myself to sleep at night. Or that Rose and Alice have to take turns sleeping next to me because I can't sleep alone." She choked down several sobs before she finally added, "I can't even look at you without wanting to cry."

And suddenly, I was the asshole yet again. But when I stepped towards her, she took a step back. I took another step, and she responded the same way. I sighed, and in one quick motion I had her in my arms. At first she tried pulling away, but I held her tight until I felt her body go limp, and then…

And then, she just cried. And cried. And cried.

Sobs bubbled up in her throat as she gasped for breaths in between. Her shoulders shook underneath my arms while I felt her hands clawing the back of my shirt and her tears leaking through my dress shirt and onto my chest. I had never seen such weeping and sorrow before in my life. And she didn't stop; she never let up.

I rubbed soothing circles along the top of her back all the way down to the slope at her lower back, all the while whispering encouraging words in her ear.

"I love you – shhh – it's gonna be okay. I promise. I love you – shhh – we'll figure it all out – shhh…"

I gently lifted her hair off the back of her neck, threading it through my fingers while still rubbing circles with the other. I felt her head slowly lift from my chest, but her body didn't move from its position pressed against mine. When our eyes met, the blue in hers for the first time, was not bright at all. They were bloodshot and glassy with tears still streaming. And now, she finally looked exactly how I felt.

"You'll never know how much I love you," was the first thing I said to her.

Her bottom lip quivered as I wiped away tears from her cheeks. "I still don't understand what happened…" she murmured.

At last, I smiled. "Me either."

That same night, at home in her apartment with her in her bed and with me at home in mine, we talked on the phone. Alone.

But we weren't.

* * *

**A/N: I'm amazed at the response this story has received. I felt lucky when 7 people were reading it. Now I am actually nervous when posting chapters b/c some of my favorite authors are reading and reviewing. Thank you all. I'm blessed.**

**'Preciate you. **


	19. Trouble

**See a/n at the end. It's important.**

* * *

_I'm in trouble I'm an addict _  
_I'm addicted to this girl _  
_She's got my heart tied in a knot _  
_And my stomach in a whirl _

_I'm running my mouth just like I got her _  
_But I surely don't _

_Never Shout Never- "Trouble"_

Chapter Eighteen: Trouble

October was always a transition month to me. The air was starting to cool, making the nights seem longer and the days seem shorter. The leaves were changing and falling around us, and while, yes, change was happening with the seasons, there was also a dramatic shift between Bella and I.

At school, things were better. We talked between classes and at lunch. The rumors about us breaking up were starting to dissipate until no one else said anything about it. But even still, we were not the same. At night, she went to her apartment while every night I went home without her. But at exactly 10 p.m. every night, after I was finished with the next day's lesson plans and after I had taken Brody out for a walk and spent time with Blake while grading papers, I would call her. Usually she was in bed too, and we would talk all night long, or at least until we were both about the pass out in exhaustion.

I had started to notice that Alice was starting to stay with Jasper at our house again, even though I never asked Bella about it, I just assumed and let the subject fall. Blake didn't go visit her again, but I knew he was still talking to her just to check on her. He never really made it clear to me that he was doing that, but it was just something that I knew inside, a feeling I guess. And even though he never talked to me about her again, I still knew he would tell me if something really drastic or severe was going on with her.

Our friends were such a blessing.

"I miss Brody," Bella said one night while we were on the phone in bed.

I smiled, patting his head while he was curled up beside me, sound asleep. "He misses you too. Trust me." I heard her sigh into the phone as she moved around some. There was a long pause where I took time to picture her in a large t-shirt, laying in bed with her small Blackberry (with its white cover) pressed gently to her ear. I was thinking of her smile and her minty fresh breath at night laying beside me when I barely realized I said my next sentence out loud… "Bella? Move in with me."

I heard her sharp intake of breath while I waited on her response. When it never came, I kept talking. "Just get rid of your apartment. There's nothing in it anyway, and just move in with me." It was true. The one time I had been in her apartment the first thing I noticed was how she had barely any furniture or decorations. It really looked like no one ever stayed there which was basically the truth up until recently.

"Edward…" she breathed.

"Please, baby. I hate falling to sleep without you, and I really, _really_ hate waking up without you." And because I was a desperate man who was desperately in love with the one person that seemed to keep pushing me away, I told her the only truths I could allow.

"Bella, do you remember asking me if I knew who I was the day you walked out on me?" I didn't wait for an answer as I continued in my attempts. "Well, I know who I am now. I know that I was always meant to meet you and fall in love with you. I couldn't have fought it even if I wanted to. I didn't know that a love like ours was possible. But now that I've lived it, I know. I am the one for you, Bella. And you're the one for me. Why I ever tried to fight it, I'll never know."

There was a short pause where I listened for any interferences on her end. When I decided there was none, I whispered, "I'm in love with you. _That's_ who I am."

I wiped my clammy hands on the edges of my sheets while I waited for some kind of response. When there was still nothing but silence on the other end, I checked the screen of my phone just to make sure we hadn't been disconnected. Whenever I placed the phone back to my ear, I heard a small sigh and the words of the one person I had waited my whole life for.

"I'll think about it." It was all she could give, so I took it and smiled as I let out a breath that I had been holding for far too long. But before I could reply, she added in a hurry, "I love you too."

After we said good night and promised to sit with each other at lunch tomorrow at school, I got out of bed and finished off my nightly routine of brushing my teeth, picking out tomorrow's clothes for school and looking at Bella's engagement ring. I stood in front of the dresser holding the small symbol of our love, wishing that it wasn't in my hand, but on hers instead. I thought briefly of how I could propose to her after she moved in. And while I was on that thought, I continued thinking about our life together including marriage and a family, and as my mind went down that road, I couldn't stop from thinking that I might not ever go back to my real life. Maybe I was never meant to. Maybe God had always meant for me to live this life and not the other.

Maybe I was finally on the right path. And I was never meant to travel back.

_Maybe._

I was knocked out of my thinking when I heard rowdy laughter coming from down stairs. After setting the ring back in the top drawer of my dresser, I traveled down stairs in the same direction of incessant cackling. When I reached the living room, Blake, Alice and Jasper were all sitting around watching a movie of…_me?_

"What are you watching?" I asked as I sat next to Blake on the couch.

And once I realized I was watching myself, I immediately regretted asking them such a stupid question when I should have _obviously_ known the answer to, but I, of course, did not.

"Bella's twenty-first birthday party," Jasper replied.

I watched, completely riveted as a camera followed me around a larger outdoor deck. It looked like some sort of party at my parent's house. We all seemed to look a bit younger so I figured it must have been a couple of years ago before I had bought the house we were in today. Apparently, it had been a surprise party I had thrown for Bella and invited _a lot_ of our friends and family including her parents, mine, Alice, Rose and Blake's.

And then, an interruption of piano notes sounded in the background as our friends quieted down and split until an opening appeared with me standing in the middle…holding a microphone.

"Oh, god," I whispered, audibly.

The camera panned to Jasper on the piano quickly before showing Blake from the bottom-up whom was obviously filming the entire thing then back to me. The piano kept playing as I began to sing…

"_You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you_

_You'd be like heaven to touch_

_I wanna hold you so much_

_At long last love has arrived_

_And I thank God I'm alive_

_You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you…"_

I was, quite literally, cringing at the sound of my voice on tape mixed with Blake's snickering both on camera and sitting right next me. But my eyes couldn't look away as Bella was seen a mere few feet in front of me while I sang to her, trying to in failed attempts to hide her flushed face while all eyes were on us.

"_Pardon the way that I stare_

_There's nothing else to compare_

_The sight of you leaves me weak_

_There are no words left to speak_

_But if you feel like I feel_

_Please let me know that it's real_

_You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you…"_

And even though her face was red and a mixture of embarrassment and amusement, her smile was wide and contagious as her eyes visibly never wavered from mine while I continued to serenade her, in between Blake's loud "bah bah bam bam" as he tried to mimic the music on camera.

And as the tempo of the piano keys (and Blake) picked up, so did my voice.

"_I love you, baby_

_And if it's quite alright_

_I need you, baby_

_To warm a lonely night_

_I love you, baby_

_Trust in me when I say_

_Oh pretty baby_

_Don't bring me down, I pray_

_Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay_

_And let me love you, baby_

_Let me love you…"_

As I finished up the song, Blake was heard, on the video, rambling on and on about how terrible I sounded and how he was going to send the video into American Idol so I could be on the audition shows, but all I could see, hear and focus on was how Bella was hugging me once the song was over. Her eyes were shut tight while she buried her head in my chest and clutched my shoulders as I smoothed her hair down her back and whispered in her ear.

I could see her mouth saying things like "thank you" and "I love you too." And while everyone else at the party scattered back into their prior conversations, Bella and I were holding onto one another still. My heart pounded in my chest as I sat in my living and watched the two of us look into one another's eyes like we were the only two on the deck let alone in the entire world. The scene unfolded in front of my very eyes like a movie of fiction, where you relate to the people you're watching but you never actually walked in their shoes.

Funny thing was, I had. I was.

The rest of Bella's birthdays that we spent together were on the video as well. And every birthday was the same…a party (sometimes small, sometimes big) with friends where I always sang to her. Another birthday I sang "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder which sounded really awful…_until_ we found another one where I sang "Hello" by Linell Richey which was much worse.

But each time was the same, whenever I was finished; Bella (with tears in her eyes) would thank me and hug me until we were pulled apart. And while I thought about how happy we looked and how in love we must have been, I couldn't help but think of how understanding I felt now that I truly understood how hurt she was by me "forgetting" her birthday. Every year since we had been together, I had made it such a big deal and gone through so much preparation and planning, except this time.

So, the very next day, I had a plan.

I discussed my plan with Ben whom approved it with one certain condition: he had to be present to watch the scene unfold. While I was reluctant to let yet _another_ person watch me make a complete fool of myself, I agreed because it was obviously going to be the only way.

So, at 12:02 p.m., the next day during my one break in the school day, I stepped in Ben's office to let him know I was ready. He nodded to his secretary as he smiled and followed me.

"You sure you wanna do this?" he asked me, still smiling as he all but laughed in my face when we reached Bella's classroom.

"No, not really," I whispered, reaching for the door handle.

"Wait!" Angela called down the hallway as she raced towards us, followed by a flock of ninth graders. "We're coming too."

"You told her?" I asked Ben, my voice slightly raised. He still smiled and shrugged, moving to the side as Angela's ninth graders walked ahead into Bella's classroom. I listened from the hallway as Bella's voice quieted while she watched the parade of students flooding her classroom followed by Angela and Ben whom all went and stood in the very back of the room.

"What's going on?" I heard her voice ask.

And as the sound of little ninth grade feet stopped shuffling and the whispered sounds of Bella's eleventh graders dissolved, the first beats of a song began to play over the school's PA system, the ultimate love song, by the way, and the voice of Al Greene softly saying "Let's stay together…"

Then, I appeared singing…

_I'm, I'm so in love with you  
Whatever you want to do  
Is alright with me  
'Cause you make me feel, so brand new  
And I want to spend my life with you_

I danced around, up and down the aisles of desks and in between the shocked faces of teenagers all the while looking at the small figure of Bella at the front of the room, standing at her desk with a beautiful, red face and mouth hanging open. I might have wanted to crawl in the hole die, however, I didn't let it show as I continued dancing and singing along with Al Greene over the school's sound system.

_Me sayin' since, baby, since we've been together  
Ooo, loving you forever  
Is what I need  
Let me, be the one you come running to  
I'll never be untrue  
Ooo baby_

Let's, let's stay together  
Loving you whether, whether  
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

While the students continued to laugh quietly behind me, I danced and slid my way closer and closer to Bella whom had turned her shocked, parted lips into a sweet smile.

_Oooo oooo ooo ooo, yeah  
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad_

Why somebody, why people break up  
Oh, and turn around and make up  
I just can't see  
You'd never do that to me  
(Would you baby)  
'Cause being around you is all I see  
It's why I want us to

Let's, let's stay together  
Loving you whether, whether  
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

By the time I reached her and was holding her hand in between us while I finished the song, she was beaming. And just like in the home videos, it was as if we were the only two in the entire room, like there weren't a hundred other people behind us or that they were watching us and giggling at us. I smiled back at her, rubbing my fingers with hers until we were holding hands in our usual way, with our pinkies interlocked. Once the song had slowly died away and my voice had stopped its poor imitation of Al Greene, I leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her temple.

The room was completely silent; everyone waiting on Bella's reaction or what we had left to say to each other. But instead of words, I reached into my pocket and took out a small slip of paper. I watched her eyes widen slightly as I brought my hand out, maybe she was thinking I was going to pull out a diamond ring. But I didn't.

Instead, I handed her the small slip of plain notebook (like this was seventh grade 'check yes or no' style) that was folded up three times and watched closely as she took it from me and read it.

The first fold said: _Happy birthday_. The second said: _I love you. _And the last one said: _Move in with me?_

Her blue eyes reached mine while she stared up at me for several moments. While my blood pressure felt slightly higher because of my _performance_, it was nothing compared the anticipation I felt while waiting for her answer.

And finally, she whispered with a small smile, "Yes."

Feeling more overjoyed than I ever had in my life, I immediately scooped her up in my arms and spun her around in tiny circles at the front of the classroom.

"Was that supposed to be a proposal?" I heard a pitchy Mike Newton voice call out from behind me.

It was like being dowsed in cold water. I set Bella back down gently, patting her back and kissing her forehead again and again.

I murmured a quiet, "Shut up, Newton," and took Bella's hand back in mine, threading our fingers together and kissing her knuckles.

Bella giggled, smiling broadly as I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to her ear. "I'll see you after school. I love you."

Still smiling. "Ok. Love you too."

Giving her hand one more squeeze, I turned around and left, earning several fist bumps from eleventh graders on my way out.

"That was awful," Ben said with a chuckle as we walked out in the hallway.

"I know, but Bella has a soft spot for cheesy, classic love songs," I replied.

"Thank God for that," he mumbled as he made his way towards his office while I went to my classroom.

A few hours later after school had let out, I went searching for Bella when she wasn't at my car waiting on me. After I found her car still sitting in the parking lot, I went back to her classroom. No Bella. I traveled to Angela's room. No one there either. I tried calling her; she didn't answer.

While I was walking back to my classroom, hoping that she had been looking for me, I found a few girls leaving the gym.

"Have you seen Miss Swan?" I asked them.

They instantly started to giggle and blush furiously.

"She's in the gym," one of them replied.

"Thanks."

A few steps inside the gym later, there she was, finally. She was talking to a few other girls while standing on open mats in the middle of the room. She had changed into a pair of black spandex shorts and a small white tank top with DMB written across it. I walked towards the group of girls still in my black dress pants and blue button up with a yellow tie from this morning and stood off to the side until Bella noticed me.

Her eyes caught mine longer enough for her to smile sweetly and motion for me to come closer. Making my way to her, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, giving her a small squeeze while she snaked her arm around my waist.

"I'll think about it and let me you know by the end of the week," she said to the girls, standing around her.

They were watching our movements, zeroing in on the placement of our arms and hands before smiling and giggling to each other as they walked away, nodding and agreeing with Bella's statement.

When they had left the gym and shut the door behind them, I kissed Bella's temple while whispering, "Think about what?"

She hummed while snaking her other arm around my waist until we were pressed together with her head gently resting on my chest. I squeezed her closer, nuzzling her hair and having her scent invading my mind.

"They asked me to be the cheerleading coach for the rest of the year. Margaret is having _another_ baby," she said, still holding me close.

I nodded against her shoulder. "So…" I replied. "What are you gonna do?"

I felt her shoulders shrug underneath my arms. "I dunno," she sighed, leaning back so she could look at me. "I was going to think about it over the weekend and talk to you about it, see what you thought."

It was so easy, wasn't it? It was so easy for her, like breathing, like blinking, like waking up every day. This was how our relationship was for her, a give and take. A balance. Like a real, working balance. It was so easy for her to want to consult me on something that might affect her as well as me. She thought nothing of it. Consulting me about a change in her schedule and everyday life was something so natural to her. Just the feeling and the knowledge of it made me feel lighter and somewhat…_better_ and more relaxed about _everything_.

And she smiling up at me, so innocent and so lovingly that I leaned forward and kissed her lips.

"Okay, baby." I kissed her once more before slapping her ass playfully, earning a squeal and slap back on my chest. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah. Just spot me real quick?"

I agreed as she stepped back onto the mat and stood up straight in the middle, waiting for me to approach beside her. Whenever I was in position with my hand against her lower back, she bent straight down and threw a back tuck right in front of me.

She rose up and smiled at me, proudly.

"I wasn't holding any of your weight. You don't need me," I said as I took a step back while she got back into the same position.

But before I could get very far from her, she gripped my wrist and brought me back. "Yes, I do," she spoke. "I need you."

So, I walked back and held her again, even though she really didn't need me.

* * *

"Oh, _god_! He's so big," Bella grunted and yelled loudly as the sound of her voice echoed and bounced off the tile walls of our bathroom.

"Hold on just a little bit longer, baby," I replied. "I'm almost done."

"I can't!"

"Yes, you can."

"No, I can't!"

"Yes, you can, sweetheart."

"_Ahhhhh_," she yelled as Brody slipped from beneath her grip underneath her in the bathtub and started to shake every muscle in his long and lean yet _huge_ body. Soap suds and water went flying as he kept shaking from underneath Bella's legs as she straddled his back, knee-deep in water in our jacuzzi bathtub.

Her body, clad only in thin running shorts and one of my plain, white v-neck t-shirts, tensed as she held her eyes shut tight and winced briefly before laughter overcame her as water and soap flew around her, on her and everywhere close. I dropped to my knees in laughter from beside the tub, holding a plastic cup I had been using to rinse him.

Once his shaking _finally_ subsided, my laughter continued as Bella glared down at me with a soft smile playing across her lips while she held her wet arms straight out in front of her, like they were diseased. Brody, however, was perfectly still between each of her legs underneath her and looking like he was smiling while panting from inside the tub still.

October turned into November, and before my very eyes, it was Thanksgiving break, and Bella and I were going to stay with my parents for the long weekend, so we were giving Brody a bath since he was going with us (much to my mom's dismay).

A lot had happened in between the time Bella and I spent apart, up until Thanksgiving.

Bella had given her landlord notice and moved out of her apartment the following week of me asking her. Having Bella _officially_ living with me was different than I thought it would be. She had been basically living with me for a long time, but to actually have her there all the time, home when I came home, waking up when I woke up, seeing her name on the mail that came everyday and making room for all of her clothes in my closet and her femine shit in the cabinets in the bathroom.

Living with Blake, however, wasn't as easy. He and Bella argued over almost _everything_. Blake had this thing about eating her cereal, which we all know she _hates_, and Bella always seemed to want to watch Grey's Anatomy at the same time as NCIS every week. I really think Blake just liked seeing Bella get heated which was more cute and adorable than intimidating and threatening.

"It's not funny," Bella said as her voice bubbled up, letting a few chuckles escape forth. I was still on my knees laughing. Her long hair that seemed to be twice as long as when I first met her was wet at the ends that were hanging past her breasts. Some of the white of my t-shirt on her was sticking to her torso showing her tan skin underneath.

As she began to stand up fully, Brody took that was his cue to escape. So escape, he did. He leaped out of the tub, shaking one other time before sprinting out of the bathroom.

"Brody! No!" Bella yelled after him. But it was way too late. He was gone. I stood up slowly, still smiling as I watched Bella turn towards me.

"Don't you even…" I started as I backed away from the tub.

"It's not so funny now, huh?" she replied as she stepped out of the tub, one leg at a time.

"No!" I shouted as I turned to run away from her. But I didn't get very far before I had too long lean, wet legs wrapped around my waist as well as two tan arms around my neck. "_Ahhh_," I yelled as I felt the cold wet water from her skin and her clothes seep through on to me. "Bella!"

"Who's laughing now?" she cackled while giggling and holding her legs tightly around me.

Her arms that were wrapped around my neck, traveled downwards until they were up under my arms tickling me. I don't know why but I started to run until I was in our bedroom and fell to the ground on my hands and knees while trying to caught my breath in between my giggles. Bella fell on top of me, of course, like she was going to ride me like a horse.

She screamed as I reached behind me and grabbed her around the waist until she was underneath me, and I was hovering over her. She looked so beautiful with her damp hair in long waves around her head, and my shirt was thin and wet as it clung to every curve of her body, showing her bright green bra underneath.

"My eyes are up here, Big Whiskey," she whispered.

"Baby, you look very…" I said, as I kept staring at her bright green bra-covered breasts. I sat up on my knees and motioned with my hands against my own pecks like I was pretending to fondle my own non-existent boobs. "…smart," I finished.

She giggled as she sat up, wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself up until her lips crashed against mine. My hands and arms gripped her waist and lifted her up so that her legs were back around my waist and our bodies were pressed as closely together as we could get them while sitting on the carpet of our bedroom.

I played with the hem of her t-shirt until finally lifting it off of her, her lips slipping away briefly from mine until the shirt was off and then we were joined again. I fumbled with the clasp of her bra behind her until it was undone and falling off her arms like leaves from a tree.

I sat back and looked at her, running my hands down her ribcage that was still prominent when she didn't eat much while we were apart. The first time we made love after she moved in, I was completely distraught by how she looked. She was so skinny.

But now, she was better.

"You're so beautiful," I said, continuing to trace small circles on her stomach and the underside of her breasts. She smiled, playing with the ends of my hair on the back of my neck.

I was just leaning forward to kiss her again whenever I heard our bedroom door creak open. Bella's eyes popped up and widened as we could do nothing but stay as still as possible.

Bella's bare back was to the creaking door while my eyes stayed forward and watched as Blake's head popped in the doorway.

"Hey, why is Brody…" he stopped as his eyes fell over us and slowly, an expressive and deliberate grin stretched over his face. "Well, well, well."

"Blake, get out," I said, sternly.

"Not until you come get this wet dog off my bed," he smiled.

"Blake, seriously. I'm not joking. Get. Out. Now."

His smile grew as he crossed his arms and leaned on the door frame. Bella remained in my lap, staring straight ahead at me.

"Come on, Red. It's nothing I haven't seen before," he replied.

"What?" I yelped as I looked at Bella.

Her eyes rolled. "He's joking." She wrapped her arms around herself, covering her breasts as she turned to the side. "Get out, you overgrown 12-year-old."

"Give me just a little peak, Bella. Come on…" he whined.

"Blake!" I yelled.

He threw his head back in hearty laughter as he existed the room. Shutting the door behind him, he yelled on the other side, "Come get this dog whenever you're…done."

"I leave for a few weeks, and _he_ moves in," Bella murmured to herself as she turned to face me again, letting go of her breasts.

I chuckled, running my hands up and down her bare back in long strokes. Her skin was so soft that my fingers felt like they were streaming over silk. "Shut up and kiss me," I ordered.

And so she did. And she didn't stop until we were forced apart briefly so I could remove my shirt. In another swift movement, Bella was wrapped around my waist, this time from the front, and I was moving us towards our bed.

I threw her down, watching as her breasts bounced before she was finally settled. She was smiling at me, motioning for me to climb on top of her with her little index finger. I gently rested my body on top of hers, covering her completely and thrusting my tongue in her mouth. She swallowed my moans as I felt her hand reach between us and delicately start caressing me through my thin gym shorts.

When I felt her starting to push down my shorts and boxers, I began to help her the best I could without crushing her with my weight. But she pushed them with her feet the rest of the way over my hips andd down my legs until they were far enough down for me to kick them off.

"_Jesus_," I groaned when I felt her hand begin to stroke me, skin on skin.

I looked down into her bright blue eyes, getting lost briefly in all the flecks of different colored blues that speckled her soft, ocean orbs. With her waves of chestnut littering the white of our sheets and the porcelain skin of her shoulders and chest, and with her long, thick lashes fluttering in time with the shadows against her cheeks, I fell just the much more in love with her.

"It hurts…how much I love you," I whispered against the softness of her collarbone.

Feeling a soft push against my shoulders, I sat up on the backs of my legs, watching intently as she removed her shorts and panties until we were both nude and aching together in a mess of cotton sheets and pure white silk.

She climbed back into my lap with her legs around my waist as we kissed with such intensity and vehemence that my chest felt gravid and close to unnatural. When we were joined as one, I had the strangest feeling come over me, like being home, like being somewhere so familiar and so well-known to my body. And as our mouths and bodies moved together in a luscious dance, our eyes never closed, never left the lock of the others. We watched our own reactions, every pant, every moan, every flutter of our heavy lids and every gasp of exertion.

When she came, I came as well, screaming how much I loved her and how I could never leave her or be without her. She swallowed it all, hot tears running down her cheeks as her arms held and scratched at every muscle in my back.

Bella collapsed on top of me in a sweaty, sated state of mind and body whilst we tried in haste to catch our breath and come off our high.

I kissed the top of her head, rubbing her bare arm as it was splayed across my chest. "I love you so much, it's stupid," I whispered in her hair.

"Mmm," she hummed into my skin. "I love you too."

"COME GET THIS FUCKING DOG!" we heard Blake scream from across the hall.

I groaned and started to sit up before Bella squeezed me tighter.

"Not yet. Let's just lay here a minute longer," she said.

"Come on, baby. We need to finish packing anyway," I replied, kissing her forehead.

"I just…don't wanna move. I'm so comfy right here."

With a smile, I told her, "We have the rest of our lives to lay together," before I pried Bella and myself out of bed.

And for that moment, at that time, I believed it.

Thanksgiving went by too fast, and before I could blink, it was Christmas. Bella and I had two weeks off; we were free from school, from lessons plans, from teenage cheerleaders and, most importantly, hormonal high school boys.

We packed up, yet again, and headed to my parents for the first week of the break which heldChristmas Day. Everyone was going to be there, including Blake and some of the guys from college who were in Emmett's wedding. Most of our college friends had moved away from Seattle after graduation, but during Christmas, we all made our way back to Washington to spend the holidays together with each other and our families. And truthfully, I had come to figure out that when it came to "get-togethers" between all of us, not one of them didn't at least include two very important things: drinking (and lots of it) and a bar. Oh, and dancing, so I guess that's three things? All of which went hand-in-hand with Christmas…uhh, _not_.

So, on December 23rd, we found ourselves at _where else_ but…a karaoke bar not far from Forks in a town called Port Angeles.

"I can't believe you and Bella broke up for awhile," Shally screamed at me over Emmett's horrible rendition of "Missing You" by John Waite as we sat with Blake, Feltman and Flip at a high-top table sipping beers.

"We didn't _'break up'_," I replied with a roll of my eyes as Blake continued to bobble his head up and down at Shally. "We didn't!" Again, Blake lowered his eyes and mouthed, _'Yeah, they did.'_

"It was a short break, and we're fine now," I finished, taking a sip of my beer. "She moved in with me two months ago."

"Moved in with _us_," Blake corrected. Again, eyes rolled.

"Yeah?" Shally asked. I nodded to confirm. "That's great! It was about time."

It went somewhat silent between us, well, as silent as being in a loud, karaoke bar could be while we watched the girls with their hands in the air, swaying and dancing around the bottom of the stage at Emmett's feet, singing along to every word.

"So…how are things with _Bree_," Blake asked Shally, emphasizing in a high voice Bree's name. Bree was a bridesmaid in Rose and Emmett's wedding, actually. Apparently, there had been sparks between the two of them during (and after) the wedding, so now…they were dating, officially.

"I'm proposing next week," Shally stated, matter-of-factly.

All of our heads spun to his direction immediately. "What?" Feltman was the first to say it.

"I'm proposing next week," he repeated.

"It's only been, what…three months? Four months?" Blake asked.

Shally visibly shrugged and took a long pull from his beer. "When you know, you know."

"So that's just it? You're getting married," I asked, going over the facts out loud as well as in my head.

"It's pretty simple, guys," Shally laughed. "I know that I've never felt this way about anyone else. I know I'm never _going _to feel this way about anyone else. And I know that I'm always going to feel like this."

Was it _really_ that simple? He made it seem so cut and dry. It was either one or the other. Black or white. A yes or a no. Maybe for most, it was. And for me, maybe it was too. But maybe it wasn't. Maybe being in love and falling in love is never supposed to be easy. Maybe the heartache and the loss only contributed instead of hindering the deeper in and out of true love. Maybe soul mates and love at first sight and immediate sparks were never what was intended for some or even for most. Then again, I was never sure of anything, especially any part of falling in love.

What I was sure of, however, was that _nothing_ was simple or cut and dry for me.

"Well, congratulations," I replied with a smile, ignoring the tugs in my heart and stomach.

Shally tipped his beer to me which sparked a quick cheers as the clanging of glass mixed in with the noise of Emmett's dying voice as the song concluded.

"Alright," Blake declared, slamming his empty beer bottle down on the wooden table. "It's time for some bourbon and Alabama!"

The rest of the guys cheered and hollered a series of "hell yeahs!" while I was left wondering just how drunk I needed to be to enjoy this next part.

"Come on, Red! First round's on me!" Blake grabbed my shoulder, forcing me towards the stage, handing me a glass of bourbon as we approached the microphone stand.

A group of slurred yet high-pitched yells and shouts came from the centrally located girls at our feet whom whistled and raised their hands towards us. And right in the very center was the loudest and quite possibly the drunkest, of course, Bella. Light of my life. _Snort._

I chuckled, reaching down for just a moment so our fingers brushed which only caused her to scream louder like a teenage fan girl.

When the opening strings of "Dixieland Delight" started to play, I took a large swig of my drink, grateful for the liquid courage for my first karaoke experience. Blake slung his arm lazily around my shoulder as we started to sing into the one microphone in front of us.

The girls went crazy. Literally.

Their screams were only drowned out by their singing along with us. And the louder they got, the more Blake and I belted out every word. The song progressed and before long, Blake had his index finger pointed in the air, screaming along to the song while I was clapping and bouncing my foot with the beat.

Bella was laughing and laughing and laughing while she still sang with us, holding my eyes and dancing with every friend that came close to her.

I didn't realize how much I was smiling until I tried to take another sip of my bourbon during the instrumental pause which only dribbled a little down my blue button-up. I only laughed, finished my drink, tossed the empty glass aside and danced as the song picked back up.

And all I saw as I looked around me were familiar faces. For the first in a _long_ time, I felt completely comfortable and natural with these people, a contentment and ease rushed through me. I knew them. They knew me. We were all friends.

This would be a day, no matter what happened, that I would never forget.

The rush, the moment and the song ended, but the feeling remained as Bella ran into my waiting arms as I walked off stage. She giggled drunkenly and told me over and over how 'awesome' I did and how 'sexy' I looked doing it. She kissed me, in front of everyone, including my parents and hers, with her tongue sweeping across mine. Her small, delicate hands were twisted in my button-up, forcing my body against hers while her tongue continued to threaten mine.

I held her head with one hand, her hip with other and didn't let go until she forced me. And I'd regret that kiss in the morning, but deep in me, I really didn't care and I doubted I even would in the morning either.

"How did you know Alabama gets me all hot?" she yelled in my ear, pressing her silk covered breasts into my upper abs.

I chuckled, holding her steady with my hands around her lower back and rubbing my palms against the silk of her dress. "Baby, anything I do gets you hot."

"Damn," she smiled. "Am I that transparent? I thought I hid it so well."

"Not a chance."

She pulled me down towards her again, assaulting my mouth with hers. She tasted of sour Grateful Deads and limes. "I love Christmas!" she shouted, randomly as soon as she pulled away from me.

I chuckled. "I love _you_."

For some reason, the look on her face showed she was surprised at that moment to hear me confess that. She visibly blushed, pushed the hair from her face and replied, "I love you too."

I kissed her temple, still chuckling at her. "You're cute."

"Dance with me!" she shouted, grabbing my arm and forcing me back over to the middle of the dance floor.

Surrounded by all of those familiar faces, I danced and laughed and smiled my way through one of the best nights of my life.

It was also the day that I would look back on and remember as being the day I quit thinking I had every lived another life other than this one.

* * *

**A/N: Alright. So. The next chapter has been started, and trust me, trust me, TRUST ME when I say you're gonna wanna read it. That's all I'm saying though.**

**The song I quoted at the beginnging of the chapter is a really good one, and I bet you've never heard it before. If you have, please let me know! I would be so impressed! Check it out. Good, good, AMAZING song. Gets stuck in your head, though.**

**The other songs from this chapter, well...hahahahahahahahahahaha. They're meant to be funny. **

**A lot of you want Edward to tell her what's gonig on. All in good time, kids. All in good time. **

**'Preciate you.**


	20. Sleep

**A/N: You knew it was coming. Here it is...the one you've all been waiting for...**

_I know I'll miss her later  
Wish I could bend my love to hate her  
Wish I could be her creator  
To twist her arms now_

_She stares up at the stars when  
The stars fell from her hair then  
I bent down to collect them  
And then she was gone_

_Dave Matthew Band- "Sleep to Dream Her"_

Chapter Nineteen: Sleep

I hadn't celebrated a _real_ Christmas in four years. _Four years._ I'd been working through four Christmases in a row, so not only had I not been home to see my family, but I hadn't bought a tree or a present or a single Christmas decoration in _four years_.

This Christmas, however, was much different. It was Christmas Eve in the Cullen household, and everything was just as it should be. Everyone was gathered around the living room, holding their lover's hand and watching our family's favorite Christmas movie that we watched every year: _It's a Wonderful Life. _

I thought of the significance of such a movie in my life. How George Bailey is shown a life of _what ifs_ and random decisions turned backwards. There were only several main differences between George Bailey's situation and my own, and those were _(one)_ that George Bailey's life was better than the one he was shown by the angel Clarence, and _(two)_ George Bailey was sent back.

"My feet are cold," Bella whispered in my ear from underneath my arm beside me. I brushed my other hand along her smooth leg from up under the soft, thermal blanket that covered both of our lower halves.

Wordlessly, I smiled at her, kissed her gently on the temple and pulled off her knee-high Ugg boots. She scooted as close to me as possible on the couch as I lifted her feet under the blanket until they were placed on my thigh and covered by my hand_ and_ the blanket. I felt her toes wiggle slightly as I rubbed her chilled feet with my palm, using my other hand to place back around her shoulders and giving her a slight squeeze and another kiss on her temple.

"Better?" I asked in a hushed whisper.

She only sighed in response as she snuggled into me further, and together we watched as George Bailey ran excitedly down the streets of Bedford Falls once he was returned to his old life.

We exchanged presents Christmas Eve as well. My parents had made us do this since I was kid, mainly because Emmett would beg and beg and beg them to open presents on Christmas Eve and then he'd spend all day Christmas playing the new toys and virtually leaving my mom plenty of free space and time to do all of her cooking and preparations for our extended family visiting on Christmas Day.

Thus started the Christmas Eve tradition.

Everyone opened presents from each other, even the ones the girls got for each other and the ones my parents gave them, until we were down to the presents between the couples. Alice and Jasper went first, giving each other their presents; then Emmett and Rosalie traded, and lastly my parents went.

Then, everyone just seemed to cast their awaiting eyes on Bella and I. I glanced towards my mom whom had her hands held under her chin, smiling from ear to ear as she watched us with a twinkle in her eye, and nothing but expectancy written all over her face.

"So…" my mom said to me about a week prior to Christmas Day as we stood in the kitchen, just the two of us washing dishes and clearing the table after dinner. "What did you do with the ring I gave you if it's not on Bella's hand?"

I paused my hands as I was in the middle of scrubbing a dish in the sink. I looked over my shoulder at my mother who was tediously still wiping down the counters, eyes drawn away from me.

"Jesus, Ma," I replied with a laugh and a shake of my head.

"Well, I'm tired of waiting," she huffed, slapping her dishrag against the marble countertop.

I scoffed. "Well, I'm _so_ sorry."

"If _I'm_ tired of waiting, then I know Bella sure is."

I rolled my eyes and continued scrubbing. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course I do," she replied. "She won't wait around forever, Edward."

"Let me worry about it, please, Ma," I said with a smile. _Crazy woman_. "Plus, it might be a lot sooner than you think," I added, glancing over my shoulder at her.

A huge, toothy smile broke out across her delicate features, making the edges of her eyes crinkle in the corners. She raced over to me, stopping only when she was pressed against my side and grabbing onto my bicep.

"Oh my god! It's Christmas, isn't it? You're gonna propose on Christmas! Oh, Edward! That's so romantic! Oh, I can't wait! Please do it in front of all of us so we can watch! Bella won't mind! Oh, I'm so excited! You could get married this summer! That's only…..one, two, three, four, five, SIX! Six months away! That's perfect! You could do it here! Oh please get married here! We could have it out back in front of the clearing of trees! Oh in June, the flowers and grass would look amazing! How wonderful! Ahh!"

"Ma…Ma…MA!" I whispered with a chuckle until I was yelling for her to stop jumping up and down on her toes while smiling and silently clapping her hands. With my hands resting gently and calmly on her shoulders, the bouncing ceased. "Shhh," I hushed her, still laughing at her antics. "You're so crazy."

"Eeek," she squealed as quietly as she could, wrapping me in a tight embrace. "I'm just so excited!"

"Ma," I chuckled, scolding her again.

"I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't get too excited, okay? All I said was it might be sooner than you think. I didn't technically say when…"

"I know, I know, I know. Okay." She was still smiling and bouncing.

"Stop it."

"I'm stopping."

She wasn't.

"I mean it."

"You're right. Okay," she replied, sealing her lips together as tight as possible, holding back her immense grin. Again, it wasn't working.

I chuckled, shaking my head. "You're so crazy," I repeated.

She squeezed me one last time before fleeing the kitchen, still smiling and squealing as she exited.

And now, with the on looking stares from my family and my mom whom was all but glowing and bouncing in her seat, I turned to the side and faced Bella.

"Hold on," she said quickly with a smile as she scurried into the next room and reappeared a few seconds later with a very large box, almost as big as she was.

I stood up and rushed over to her, helping her carry the large present so she wasn't struggling any longer. She smiled at me and ran back over to our spots on the couch.

"This is huge, baby," I said to her while setting it in front of me. "What is it?" I asked.

"Open it!" she beamed, motioning to it in front of us.

Underneath the gold ribbons and wrapping and inside the large box, held a simple black leather guitar case, brand new and never been opened. "Oh my god," I whispered aloud as I set the case on top of the carpeted floor at our feet. "Oh my god," I said again while kneeling beside it and blindly searching for the latches on either side. After unsnapping them, I looked up into Bella's awaiting blue eyes which were sparkling and shining down at me. "Oh my god," I murmured to her.

She laughed softly and gently ran her hand through my hair and scratched lightly at the back of my neck. "Open it, babe. Come on," she giggled, petting me the same way over again.

I smiled and cast my eyes back down in front of me to the beautiful leather case. Slowly and carefully, I lifted the top. "_Oh my god_," I gasped as I gazed inside.

Right there lying in front of me, nestled in soft red velvet, was a Larrivee D-05 acoustic guitar, brand new, never been played, never even been touched. I was paralyzed. My mouth lay open while my fingers tingled to touch it, to pick it up and without a doubt, the play it.

It had to have cost her _thousands_.

I shook up head without speaking as I once again looked back into her eyes. She laughed, brushing her fingers along the back of my neck again and again.

"I got an amazing deal on it. I won't tell you how much, but it really was a great deal," she whispered.

"Baby…" I breathed. "I can't…"

"It was worth it. To see the look on your face now, _it was worth it_," she replied, still smiling at me and lightly scraping her nails down the back of my head.

"Pick it up, Red. I'm dying to see it," Emmett bellowed from across the room. I had almost forgotten that my whole family was also in the room with Bella, me and my new guitar.

I reached out my hands and was about to touch it when I suddenly drew them back. "First, I want to give you yours," I whispered.

Bella's smile widened right as I heard a sharp intake of breath over my right shoulder coming from the direction of my mother. It was only as I reached into my pocket that I realized I was still kneeling in front of her at her feet. Bella's eyes grew bigger when I moved my hand into my pocket. Esme made a slight squealish noise which caused Bella's eyes to briefly leave mine to glance over my shoulder then back down at me.

"Baby…" I said, softly smiling with my eyes and my mouth. I took her hand in mine and kissed the back of it reverently before placing it gently back in her lap. I looked back up into her eyes and whispered, "I love you. Merry Christmas."

Slowly, I retrieved from my pocket a small envelope. Her expression was unreadable as she took the envelope gently from my hands and turned it over in her fingers.

Her eyes danced back and forth between mine before she finally cut through the top and opened it. Again, her ocean blue eyes widened. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed.

"What? What is it? What happened?" my mom yelled, only being held down in her seat by my father's gentle hand resting on top of hers.

"Oh my god!" Bella shouted again as a wide smile grew across her face while her eyes met mine. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…" she chanted over and over as she kneeled with me on the carpeted floor and squeezed me in a crushing hug.

I chuckled heartily, running my hands delicately up her shoulders until they were laying softly on her hips. Her tight red sweater had risen up to accommodate her arms stretching across my shoulders, so my fingers naturally trailed over the soft, pale skin of her lower back, paying special attention to the small dimples above her cotton shorts.

The present was concert tickets…Dave Matthews Band concert tickets. After finding out from Jasper and Alice that Bella had never actually seen them perform, I decided it would make for a perfect Christmas gift while also making it a perfect accuse for Bella and I to take a vacation completely alone because the concert was on the other side of the country…in Orlando, Florida.

"I've already found us both a sub for the days we'll miss at school," I whispered into her hair that draped over her ear.

"Oh my god," she breathed.

I chuckled once again. "It's Valentine's Day weekend too. I've booked us a beautiful hotel room that we'll never even have to leave, except to go to the concert."

"Oh my god," her whispers tickled my neck.

"The seats are on the floor, middle section…up front," I said just to goad her more.

I'm not sure how it's even possible, but Bella squeezed me a little bit harder and tighter while letting out a soft sigh and brushing the back of my head with her nails once again.

"I love you. _Oh my god_, I love you so much," she laughed as she pulled away only enough to lock eyes with me.

Her expression startled me briefly, bringing me momentarily at a loss for words, as her eyes shined with a happiness and excitement that I had never seen before. Any doubt that I might have had about if she would be disappointed that I didn't propose to her was completely forgotten and broken up in my mind. But did she ever actually think I would propose to her in front of my whole family? Watching us? Waiting on us? No, never.

I kissed her chastely on the lips, saying quietly, "I love you too, baby. Merry Christmas."

I wanted to tell her I loved her more; more than she could ever possibly know or understand. I wanted to apologize to her for never having taken her to a Dave concert before now. While, I'm fairly certain I might be going to crazy to say sorry for something I _obviously_ had no control, I am even more certain that this concert will make up for any wrong-doings in the past whether it be my past or whoever's. _Am I crazy or did that just make some sort of sense?_

Bella and I stood up together, but she immediately ran to Rosalie and Alice to show them her tickets. While I picked up my brand new guitar, I tried desperately but still failingly to ignore the looks I was receiving from my mother.

I strummed at the chords, tuning them only slightly and thinking only of how no one else had ever played this magnificent instrument before me and how a simple miracle, a fortunate occurrence that should have never happened, made me the happiest and luckiest man in the world…luckier than George Bailey.

I woke up that night to an empty bed. It was still dark outside, the room was completely black except for the soft glow of the fireplace in front of the bed in the guestroom where Bella and I were staying during our visit since Blake was staying in my old room.

I fisted the sheets on Bella's empty side of the bed, feeling for some signs of warmth where she might have just gotten up. After deciding she hadn't been up too long, I pulled on a fair of flannel pajama pants and went downstairs into the kitchen.

I found Bella sitting at the small kitchen table, sipping a mug of hot chocolate and gazing out the window next to her while only wearing the silk nightie she went to bed in and a matching soft, thermal robe with nothing on her feet. Her hair was in a messy knot behind her head with lots of stray hairs laying down her shoulders and across her back.

"What's wrong?" I asked her because her eyebrows were pinched together in concentration as she looked out the window, but her eyes immediately softened when she turned to look at me as I entered.

She smiled a soft, sweet smile and replied, "Nothing. I just couldn't sleep. I'm sorry if I woke you."

"You not being beside me woke me up," I said as I caressed the side of her exposed neck and kissed the top of her head. "What were you thinking about? It looked serious."

She laughed humorlessly and shook her head. "It was nothing."

I nodded me head, not wanting to push her but desperately trying to figure out if she was disappointed by me _not _proposing to her tonight.

Silence fell like a veil around us as we sat together, sipping from the same mug of hot chocolate and listening to the wind rush by outside. When the mug ran dry, Bella stood up wordlessly and made her way to the sink to rinse out the cup. I watched, completely captured, as she stood before me with the tie of the robe hanging loosely around her tiny waist which exposed much of the black silk underneath. My eyes traveled the expanse of her tone calves with their slight indention halfway up them, showing very clearly how firm her muscles are. I had always found that one muscle so completely sexy to look at. My gaze followed up the creamy skin of her thighs that showed a great contrast between her paleness and the dark, black of her nightie and robe both of which hit just below her ass. She leaned up on her tip toes to put the mug away which caused her dress to lift up and show the very edge of her bare ass.

"_Goddamn_," I let out in a heavy breath.

"What?" she asked, as she finished putting away the cup.

I rushed over to her and pressed her back to my chest, holding onto her hip with one hand and raking my other hand from her knee all the way up her smooth, creamy leg until I was cupping her bare pussy underneath her nightie.

She drew in a sharp breath while pushing her ass against me and rocking her hips into my hand. I pushed back into her, thrusting my erection into her lower back. Soft, drawn out moans filled my ears as my fingers danced and drew circles around her clit. Holding herself up on the countertop in front of her, she kept rocking her hips in time with every flick of my fingers.

"You shouldn't walk around my parents' house at night without panties on, darling," I whispered in her ear as my head was buried deep in her neck, sucking and licking along the expanse of her throat up to her ear.

"_Jesus, Edward…_"

Even though it might have been awkward since I had to bend my legs to reach her, I slipped two fingers deep inside her while still holding her up with my other arm held tight around her waist.

"Oh god…" she moaned.

"What if Emmett woke up and found you down here dressed like this? Or Blake?" I whispered, crudely and with conviction in her ear as I continued to tease her.

I slipped my fingers out of her, giving her only a second to whimper before I had her turned around and sitting on the countertop in front of me with her feet propped on either side of her, allowing me an outstanding view of God's glorious creation between her legs.

I might have stared for longer than necessary, and I might have slipped my hand down my pants and into my boxers while I stared. And I might have let several expletives escape my mouth as I did all of this.

"Edward, you can't fuck me here," Bella said which brought my eyes back up to look at her while my hand stayed securely around my dick. "This is your parents' kitchen. Anyone can walk in…"

"Baby…" I whispered back, stepping closer to her and laying each of my hands on either side of her hips. "I will fuck you anywhere I please." I stroked her glistening folds softly with my fingers, causing her to briefly shut her eyes and let out a soft moan. "…even if I have to right here…right now…" I finished while untying the rest of her robe until the rest of her nightie was exposed.

I immediately began leaving trails of open mouthed kisses along her neck, down her throat and across her collarbones until coming to the swell of her breasts which I drew back the flimsy fabric until her whole breast was exposed. Wet sucking sounds punctured the windy outside noises around us as I stroked her pussy with one hand and held her naked breast with the other while continuing to assault it with my mouth.

Well, that is until I heard a throat loudly clear from behind me.

"Holy fuck," I whispered as I quickly removed my hands and turned around, making sure Bella was safely unseen behind me.

It wasn't Emmett, and surprisingly, it wasn't Blake. It was my father, whom seemed more amused than anything.

"Sorry for interrupting. I was just going to get one last slice of your mother's…ahem…cherry pie," he said, his cheeks slightly turning pink as he admitted to wanting some of Esme's cherry pie she had made for dessert after dinner last night.

"Oh god," I heard Bella murmur as she slightly pushing me aside to allow her room to jump down from the counter.

I smiled because everything about this awkward happening is more than just amusing and comical, and I really have no words for just how awkward this is.

"We were just…about the go to bed, Carlisle. Good night," Bella said, threading her fingers through mine and lightly tugging me in the direction of the staircase.

"Good night, Bella," he replied, keeping his eyes firmly casted down at the floor.

"Night, Dad," I smiled, letting Bella drag me along.

"Night, Son." And his eyes finally met mine, and once he saw my expression, his turned into a smirk and before long he was smiling, shaking his head and laughing silently as he made his way towards the fridge.

Meanwhile upstairs in the guestroom, Bella and I have absolutely no shame. I threw her robe off of her shoulders as quickly as possible and wrapped her legs around my waist just as the door shut on the bedroom.

She barely let out a tiny squeal in surprise before my mouth covered hers in a searing, heated kiss. Her tiny black silk nightie with red and white lace trim screamed more sex and sin than holiday joy as it rose to her waist while my hands held her up under her ass. I shamelessly grinded my steel rod of a cock against her while basically sprinting to the other side of the big guest bedroom.

I set her down finally in front of the fire on a large, soft rug while still assaulting her mouth with my hands gripping her head. She gave me a gentle push with her hand in order for me to sit back so she could climb into my lap. I do as she commanded me because I liked where this was going, and my steel rod was getting extremely impatient.

I sat back on my hands while Bella startled me, shaking her hair out of the hair tie until it was cascading down her back and almost touching my thighs behind her. Her eyes stay locked with mine while she reached down and wordlessly removes her only clothing from her body. We still never speak even as she took my hand and gently placed it on top of her forehead and leaned her head back and forced my hand to delicately travel from the top of her head, down the expanse of her neck, along the valley in between in her breasts and finally down her toned stomach where she finally let go.

I marveled at the sight of her skin with tiny glowing dancers skipping across every plane of her body in the light of the fire. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I didn't speak even when her head rose back up and her eyes were locked with mine once again.

I took the same hand that had just explored her body and threaded it through her hair once again to bring her mouth down to mine. Our tongues crashed together as we kissed and licked and sucked until we were both moaning and writhing in agony.

She sat up on her knees to allow me to remove my pants and boxers which I quickly tossed to the side. She clamored back into my lap as soon as I was sitting back down and attached her lips to mine immediately. Gripping her waist gently, I slowly lowered her a little at a time onto me. She was so wet that I slipped inside her right away.

She let out a long, breathy moan as I filled her while I simultaneously grabbed two handfuls of her precious ass. With her head tilted back and her eyes shut tight, she began to rock against me, slowly at first then faster and with more vigor as we progressed. While the fire had felt warm and calming when we first entered the room, it was now starting to feel stifling and oppressive as sweat started to form along my hairline and along Bella's neck and chest.

I loosened my grip on her ass, allowing her to lean backwards with her hands on my thighs as her pace quickened further. No words were heard around us, only the subtle slapping of wet skin and heavy panting of each thrust we took.

I started to feel the familiar burn of an upcoming orgasm in my lower abdomen just as soon as I felt Bella's movements become even faster but much more erratic. Then, suddenly, I felt her start to constrict around me as her arms shook and her legs quaked. I held onto her so she didn't fall, but just as soon as her waves subsided, I gently laid her down in front of me on her back and climbed in between her, only leaving her body briefly.

"Edward…I can't…" she breathed, sweat glistening from her forehead all the way down her chest.

"Sure, you can, baby. One more time," I smiled down at her, pushing back her hair from her face.

We had already had sex twice that day, once in the morning and then once right before we went to bed, both of which she came each time, but now, I wanted her to come one last time.

She was shaking her head as I entered her again; her shimmering chest rising and falling with each heavy breath she took. As I began to move in and out of her yet again, she started to push against me with each thrust of my hips while she also lifted her legs, settling them on either side of me in the air. Her nails dug harder and harder into my back the faster I slammed into her.

I put my hands under her ass, lifting her hips higher towards mine as I kept going harder and harder. And with the new angle of our hips, I felt her whole body still briefly before she started to shake and quake around me and underneath my fingertips.

Our screams and moans drowned together in the large bedroom as came together. We immediately clung to each other in a mess of wet, heated skin and panting breaths. With her head tucked in the crook of my arm and her hand laying gently on my naked chest, I ran my fingers through her tangled mess of locks.

"No matter how hard I tried, I don't think I could come again…" she whispered.

I chucked. "Wanna see?"

"No!" she cried. "I'll die!"

"Alright, well, I definitely don't want that," I replied. "Come on, let's shower and go to bed." I picked her up, bridal style, earning a groan from her as I carried her into the bathroom.

We showered together, only washing and scrubbing each other, no funny business. I watched her closely as she maneuvered under the water, letting it fall down her face and cascade across her skin, and I couldn't help but think about how beautiful she looked, how completely perfect everything about her was.

I thought of her dancing with her friends to loud music with a drink in one hand and the other in the air. I thought of how she looked in the hot tub with me the first week I was with her and how her skin looked in that little yellow bikini. I thought of waking up that first day with her long, slender arms wrapped around my waist. I thought of how she looked walking down the aisle at Emmett and Rosalie's wedding and how she smiled even through her joyous tears that day.

But the one thing I couldn't get out of my head was how her eyes saddened only slightly and only for a brief second when I handed her the envelope tonight. She didn't need to say it, I knew. I knew she hadn't really wanted concert tickets.

So, when we were both dried and headed back towards the bed, I took something out of my suitcase and laid it on the nightstand in the corner where she couldn't see.

We slid into bed, immediately reaching for one another, and snuggled deep inside the warm, soft sheets. She was completely naked still with her hair damp and wavy around her head. We laid on our sides facing one another with our hands holding each other's right in front of our faces. She smiled at me, sweet and innocently when she caught me staring at her in the dim light of early morning approaching.

"It's officially Christmas," she smiled while rubbing her thumb against the back of my hand.

I smiled back. "I know. Merry Christmas, sweet girl."

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

The blue in her eyes glowed and sparkled as she looked back at me with a small smile. As silence fell around us, I thought of nothing other than how I got here, how this life suddenly felt like the right one, and how deeply I had fallen into this life and believing that nothing was ever different. When was it that I stopped believing in anything else? What was the moment that made me reconsider my whole life? When did I decide to fall so deep that I could never reemerge the same?

Whenever it was or however it happened, there was no turning back. So, I swallowed every question I had ever had and every doubt that I might have wondered, and I took one last leap, one last step that I had been holding me back.

Releasing her hands, I reached over to the farthest corner of the nightstand.

I sat up beside her, looking down at her awaiting eyes while clutching the box in my hand as tightly as possible.

And within myself, I searched for the right words, not _perfect_ words…just the right ones.

"Bella, I have loved you since the very first time I saw you. I know that my life would be terrible without you because I am nothing without you. You have taught me so much about myself that I am a much better person just by having met you. I have fallen so deeply in love with you, and I know that I could never love anyone the way that I love you." Her eyes brimmed with tears but still I continued. "Others could only dream of a love like the one that I've loved." I opened the small black velvet box and took out the small ring. I heard her gasp slightly as I looked back into her eyes and asked, "Bella, will you marry me?"

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, casting tears down her cheeks and her cheeks flushing a beautiful red. When she finally opened her eyes again, the blue in them was dark but more alive than I had ever seen.

"Of course."

It was barely a whisper, but I heard it and smiled big and wide as I slipped the ring onto her left hand, third finger. I kissed where it laid perfectly on her delicate hand then leaned forward and kissed her lips. I felt her hand on the back of my head as she held my lips against hers. I tasted the saltiness of her tears against her lips while also feeling the wet streaks on her cheeks against my own.

"I love you so much. I'll never be the same if you leave me," I whispered against her lips.

Her head shook before she rested her forehead against mine. "I would never leave you. Not ever. It would kill me."

"It would kill me if we were apart."

"We'll never be apart."

"Promise me." I laid down beside her, taking her into my arms and pressing her face against my chest. I was squeezing her so hard, that I thought she might have trouble breathing.

But with my eyes closed and regretful tears waiting to spill from my eyes, I heard her whisper. "I promise."

"Say it again."

"I promise."

I stroked the back of her head with my hand, brushing her hair with my fingers. "One more time."

"I promise."

Deep down, in the dark recesses of a person's mind where they don't talk about and hardly even think about, came a small glimmer of uncertainty as a fell asleep in the embrace of the one I loved.

My arms were cold when I woke up. Blindly, I felt at Bella's side of the bed, finding nothing but soft, cold sheets and not the warm body of the one I would spend the rest of my life with. It was hot which I found extremely weird for December in Forks, so I immediately casted the sheets and blankets off of me.

That was when I froze.

I wasn't in Forks. I wasn't in Seattle.

I was in Los Angeles. Alone.

_I know I'll miss her later  
Wish I could bend my love to hate her  
Wish I could be her creator  
To be the light in her eyes _

_Oh, I sleep just to dream her  
I beg the night just to see her  
That my only love should be her  
Just to lie in her arms_

_Dave Matthew Band- "Sleep to Dream Her"_

**A/N: You knew it was coming. Again, it's going to get worse before it gets better. But it _will _get better. Please listen to "Sleep to Dream Her." I almost named the story after this song. It's very important and explains a lot.**

**I am sorry it took me so long to update. I wanted to do something totally different than what ended up happening. Either way, the ending is the same. We're right on track, but let me asure you when I say this story is nowhere near being done. I'd say at least 10 more chapters. Give or take.**

**'Preciate you. I'm sorry for the heartfail. But it was bound to happen. You knew this.**


	21. Awake

Look at me dreaming of you  
All I could hope is to have you  
To have you walking with me  
Laughing so in love, we two  
Almost drunkenly  
I did imbibe of this  
Fantasy of you and me

Was I a fool to think?  
The way you looked at me  
I swear you did  
But you looked away too quick  
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think  
That you would take me home  
As if I was yours  
Was I a fool to think at all?

Chapter Twenty: Awake

I sat up and looked around like I expected the room to be different, like I didn't already know that my black leather couch was across the bed against the wall or that Bella's dresser wouldn't be sitting in the corner or that the walls were definitely not adorned with black and white pictures of us. But still, I blinked and blinked again because for the past seven months I had not lived here, and truly…I believed my eyes were deceiving me.

My heart was beating frantically in my chest as I hurled out of bed and across the room to where a pair of pants were lying. I dug in the back pockets for my wallet and finally pulled it out. Throwing the pants aside, I quickly opened the wallet and searched and searched and searched. But I came up empty. The picture of Bella I had carried around with me wasn't there. I threw the wallet aside and went back towards the bed to the table on one side.

I found my phone, pushing away thoughts of how I knew this phone wasn't even the right one and how the background wasn't a picture of the two of us. I scrolled through my contacts. No Bella. So I dialed her number.

I wasn't sure what I would have said to her, but I wasn't even given the chance to look like a fool. I knew she wouldn't have known why I was calling or even remembered who I was, but I called anyway. It rang twice before an automated voice told me the number I dialed was unavailable and to please hang up and try again. So I did. I tried three more times before I threw my phone across the room where it shattered into broken pieces along the floor.

My mind was a jumble of thoughts. It was working on overload, trying to conceive what had happened and what to do to rectify it. My body was trying so hard to keep up with my mind, but my ears were ringing and my heart was hammering as I stood in only my boxers and looked around the room, just waiting…waiting for something to change.

I stood there for at least five maybe even ten minutes before I had a plan.

I ran into my bathroom and took out an Ambien. I took it and went back to bed. I snuggled into the covers and closed my eyes, thinking if I could just drift back to sleep then I'd wake up, and she'd be there. Minutes ticked by, and nothing happened. So I took another one.

When the second didn't work either, I got drunk. Really, really drunk. I had a fifth of Crown Royal that was about halfway gone and a pint of Grey Goose that hadn't even been opened yet. In the span of an hour, I drank all of it until I was so obliterated that I had completely lost my mind. I was standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom, staring at myself and wondering what I did wrong. What did I do to deserve being sent back here?

I blinked and squinted to try to see myself better. The scar on my shoulder was gone. Jasper had mentioned a few months back that I had shoulder surgery after a college baseball injury. But since I hadn't played college baseball, there was now no scar from a surgery that had never happened. I turned around a little to see the tattoo on my back. But there was no tattoo because I had never joined a fraternity. Even my hair was different, longer because Bella had asked me to trim it a few weeks ago.

As I looked into my glassy eyes in my reflection, I started to get more and more pissed off. And not just at myself but at Bella too. She had ruined me; ruined me for all other relationships. She ruined me because now my chest ached more than when she left me, and all I wanted to do was see her. She ruined me because she made me happier than I had ever been.

And so for the first time, I wished that I had never dreamed at all.

I reared back and threw the empty Grey Goose bottle in my hand at the mirror with as much power and force that I could muster. I stumbled backwards, feeling unsteady and nimble. The glass shattered and fell all around me, cutting my legs, knees and feet. I just looked down at it. I didn't move or flinch at all, just stared as broken pieces continued to crash all around.

Whenever the shattering stopped, I stepped closer to the once mirrored bathroom wall (stepping on glass along the way) and pulled down any loose pieces that hadn't yet fallen, cutting my hands in the process. I didn't grimace or even cringe. In fact, I didn't really feel a thing as blood fell to my sides.

After completing my task, I went back into my bedroom and turned on my iPod. After searching for a specific song and making sure it was set on repeat, I turned up the music as loud as it would go and walked back into the kitchen.

Dave Matthews Band "Baby Blue" played like echoes and bad memories around me. It was Bella's favorite song, and I had played it for her several times on the guitar and every time, she would cry. The song could have been written for her, but right now, it was written to be salt on my open wound.

I rifled through my cabinet, looking for any sort of liquor until I finally found another bottle of Grey Goose. I opened it and downed at least two shots' worth before I felt the urge to get sick. I threw up over the side of the kitchen sink. I knew I should have at least eaten something, but my stomach had felt full and queasy from the moment I woke up even before I even started drinking. Once I had finished heaving with nothing but burning stomach acid and vodka, I made my way back into my bathroom, stepping on glass and shit along the way and took two more Ambiens.

I downed the rest of the second bottle of Grey Goose while trying to get into my email at my computer in my study. After several failed attempts of using the password I had been using for the past seven months, I got pissed off and threw my laptop across the room, hearing it crash and break a few feet away.

A thought popped into my head, and I quickly fumbled around for my house phone since my cell phone was in a shambles in my bedroom. After finding it on the floor next to my desk, I was just about to hit send after dialing Jasper's number when I froze. The date on the top of the screen said July 9, 2009.

I was back right where I left off.

Then through a hazy mind and blurry thoughts, I saw two ocean blue eyes right before the rest of the world went totally black.

I didn't dream a damn thing, not a single fucking thing. I woke up to my head pounding like a drum behind my eyes and ears while my throat was dry as fuck. There was a ringing next to my ear. After finally realizing it wasn't just in my head but instead it was my phone, I tried to sit up, but for some reason, I was in the floor, and there were drops of blood around me. My phone kept ringing, but I couldn't find it anywhere with my uncoordinated fingers still bloodied from my bathroom mirror. My thoughts were nothing but brief swarms of emptiness, completely void of any real logic. But I did realize how fucked up I was, from the pills and the alcohol, but especially from the suicidal thoughts I was having.

I vomited again. And again. I tried to sit up as much as I could so I wouldn't choke, but I fell while doing so. I must have bumped my head on something because the next thing I knew, I was passed out again.

This time, I did dream. I dreamed of a yellow dress. A long, flowing in the wind, yellow dress worn by a girl with long, dark locks and deep, icy blue eyes. She was standing by the ocean while the waves crashed and receded at her toes. She didn't notice me as I walked along the shore towards her. She was smiling a smile meant only for me. Her eyes were set on the tide but her smile meant she was thinking of me. The sun against her cheeks made her skin glow and the light drizzle of water made her shine brighter than anything I had ever seen before.

She still didn't notice me until I was right beside her and reaching for her hand. I was barely able to lace our fingers together before her head snapped in my direction while her hand went directly the other way. Her smile left her face and the world dimmed.

"Bella…" I breathed. I was confused, but the look on her face showed me she was even more so.

"How do you know my name?" she asked.

The wind rushed around us, blowing her hair and her dress in a dance between us. And I felt more alone than I ever had.

I didn't get to answer her because there was someone else. Yes, someone else stepped behind her and took her other hand. For him, she smiled and let him lead her away. For him, she went. For him, I was forgotten.

I had no idea how long I had been out, but when I woke up again, the first thing I noticed was the darkness. Even though my eyes were open and searching around me, there was hardly any light encasing the room at all. My head was throbbing; so for this reason, I reached behind it to touch the sensitive spot. I immediately winced, feeling the cold and wet signs of an open wound. When I brought my hand back around, my fingers were covered in blood. I reached over for something…anything at all and found the leg to my chair at my desk. I pulled myself up, using aching muscles and damaged strength until I was sitting upright in the chair. My head continued to swarm through the effects of the alcohol and the haziness of the pills while also fighting through the pain from the blow to my head and my aching heart. I grabbed a marker that was lying on the desk and was about to write out a note for whoever would find me like this. Tell them I was sorry, but I had been damaged and there could be no repair. I was dying from the inside out.

I dry heaved down at the floor below me until the sickness passed, and I was out again as my head fell on the desk with a loud, ringing thud.

It sounded like water rushing around me. My ears felt like they were bleeding from it. But the ringing, _god_, the ringing was excruciating. I knew it was my phone, but I couldn't move. I was back in the floor again and somehow still clutching the marker that I had meant to use before passing out again.

I could hear crying, no…_sobbing_. If it hadn't been for the pain in my ribs, I wouldn't have figured it was me. Tears streaming like a never-ending river down my cheeks and onto my naked torso and down my arms. I was still in only my boxers, but the cool surface of the floor and the dried blood helped my skin to both chill me and heat me. My body lay limp and lifeless except for the shaking of my heaving sobs. Every inch of my skin felt as shattered as my heart. I thought, _how pathetic,_ as I wondered who would ever want me now.

I began to think of Bella. I thought of how I did all of this to myself and how I allowed myself to be so vulnerable and fall so deeply in love with her. I thought of how stupid and naïve I acted and how I should have known the entire time that this would eventually happen.

In the deep, dark abyss of my state of mind, I allowed myself to think of the dream I had. She wouldn't know me now. She wouldn't love me now.

I continued to cry endless tears as I uncapped the marker I had been clutching, and I began to write on the only surface available, my bruised and battered skin. I wrote words we had spoken to each other. I wrote words of life and love that we had shared. I wrote words she had spoken to make me fall in love with her. I wrote words only she would understand.

When I fell asleep for the final time, all I could see was a large, pink cloud. I wouldn't realize until later, it was cotton candy.

_Confess your kiss still knocks me off my legs  
The first time I saw you was like a punch right through my chest  
and I will forever, 'cause you'll forever be  
my one true broken heart, pieces inside of me__and you'll forever, my baby be_

Voices were speaking. The water was still rushing through my ears, but I definitely heard a voice.

"Edward! Edward! Holy shit! Can you hear me, Edward? _Motherfucker_…what the fuck…" they shouted. I tried to open my lips to tell them to shut the fuck up, but my lips wouldn't open. Neither would my eyes.

_You will rest your head, your strength once saving  
And when you wake you will fly away  
holding tight to the legs of all your angel.  
Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eye,  
your blue, blue world, you're my baby blue_

"His heart rate's slow."

"Yeah, he's barely breathing."

_Confess I'm not quite ready to be left.  
Still, I know I gave my level best  
You give, you give, to this I can attest  
You made me, you made me  
You and me forever, baby_

"Turn that shit off, Emmett. Jesus Christ."

"I can't find the off button."

_You will rest your head, your strength once saving.  
And when you wake you will fly away  
holding tight to the legs of all your angels  
Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eyes  
in your blue, blue world, you and me forever_

"Just unplug it. _Fucking shit_. His hands and feet are all bloodied and I think he has a gash in his head."

"Uh, Jazz, you need to see the bathroom. He broke the mirrors. There's blood everywhere in there."

"Shit. Edward? Edward? Wake up. _Fuck_…he reeks. How much did he drink?"

"I don't know. What the hell happened? Look at these words. '_There was a weakling man who dreamed he was strong as a hurricane_'."

"Look at this one: '_I know she's gonna leave this broken man behind her_'."

" '_I could never love again as much as I love you_'."

"Look at the one on his chest: '_I'm so lost for you_'."

"What the fuck, Emmett? Why would he do this?"

"I have no idea. Didn't he take Bella home the other night? Do you think something happened?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Let's call her on our way to the hospital."

"Should we not call an ambulance?"

"No. The traffic's too bad right now. It'll take them too long to get here. Let's just take him."

"We need to go now."

"I'll call the hospital and let them know we're coming."

I grunted and moaned a little as they lifted me up as best they could. I lost consciousness again before we even got out the door.

When I woke up again, I still wasn't able to open my eyes. I was numb, but this time it wasn't from the alcohol or pills. I felt absolutely nothing, however my mind was completely clear. But I still couldn't open my eyes and talk to everyone whom I knew was around me.

"Why would he do this?"

"I don't know, Ma."

"Look at his arms. Who wrote that?"

"He did."

"What does it mean?"

"They're lyrics, Esme." That voice…_that voice_…

"Lyrics?"

"Yeah. Dave Matthews Band lyrics."

"All of them?"

"The ones I can see, yeah."

"But why? Why would he write that all over himself?"

"What happened? We just had drinks with him to other day at the hotel. He was fine."

"I just don't understand it. Bella, didn't he take you home?"

"Yeah. He was fine. He walked me to my door and left."

"Why would he do this…" My mother's voice cracked, and no matter how much I wanted to comfort her, all my heart could comprehend was _that voice_. So I took a long, deep breath and said the only word I could think of…the only word I could imagine saying…

"B-Bella?"

It was so weak, so inaudible but the gasps that filled the room were enough to know I had definitely been heard.

"Did he say 'Bella'?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Edward? Edward, I'm here." That voice came closer and sounded so beautiful in my ringing ears.

"Are you awake, son? Can you hear us?"

I wanted to nod, but it hurt. I was about to open my mouth and say yes when I fell asleep before I could even open my eyes and look at the one with _that voice_.

I woke up, sometime later, and it was dark once again. I knew this because I could finally open my eyes. Without moving my neck at all, I searched the room. Emmett was asleep on the small loveseat against the adjacent wall while Jasper was leaned back also asleep in the recliner next to me.

My throat was scratchy while my head was pounding. I tried desperately to swallow, but I couldn't even conjure up enough saliva to lick my dry, cracking lips. When I opened my mouth to talk, I could barely speak.

So instead, I cleared my throat, making Jasper's eyes fly open and stare at me.

"Edward," he smiled slightly. "How do you feel?" I grimaced in response. He chuckled, "Yeah, I bet."

"Wh-what h-h-happen-n-ed?"

He shook his head. "You tell me." When I only stared at him, he continued. "You had alcohol poisoning on top of an obscene amount of a sedative-hypnotic. You could have put yourself in a coma."

I only nodded my head. I had one fleeting thought about what if I had been put in a coma. Would I have dreamed of her? Would I have traveled back? I needed help.

"Edward…" he looked at me with his gray-blue eyes so hurt and bloodshot. "Why?"

I thought of what I had put him through. Ever since he went to college at UW and I chose Berkley, we hadn't been close. I barely even knew my own brother. But now…now I had lived with him and shared his life and grown closer to him…now I felt like I owed him something, because I knew now what it would have been like if we had stayed close and acted as brothers rather than distant acquaintances.

"I-I'm so s-s-sorry."

"Look at this. What does this mean?" he demanded, pointing at my arms. When I didn't answer but instead, tried over and over to swallow, he sighed and stood up, helping me to sip water through a straw. After taking several gulps and feeling the water help to coat the lining of my throat, Jasper sat back down. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" he whispered.

I winced at his question and felt my eyes stink with awaiting tears. I tried blinking them back but it was too late. They started to fall down my face and onto my hospital gown. "No. I just…" As he sat there watching me cry and lay in the bed, broken and destroyed before his eyes, I wanted nothing more than to give him what he wanted. He wanted to fix it. And I really, deep down, wished that he could. "I just wanted to fall back asleep."

"Why?" His voice was raised and accusatory as he shouted in my ear beside me. "Why, Edward? You almost killed yourself just so you could sleep?"

I closed my eyes, feeling tears trail down my face. "Please, stop yelling, Jasper."

"No, Edward! No, I won't! I had to sit around for three days waiting for you to wake up! I had to be the one to tell Mom what you had done and how I found you then comfort when she cried over it. I went to your apartment and cleaned up broken glass and vomit and blood from every fucking floor in every fucking room. I called your work and told them some bullshit so you wouldn't have to go in for a few days. Now, I want answers, and I want them right fucking now!"

Emmett had woken up during Jasper's tirade and had his hands on each of his shoulders, pushing him back down onto the chair next my bed.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. Thank you for everything. I love you and I appreciate everything, more than you know, but I'm sorry…I just can't tell you-"

"Is it about Bella?" he interrupted.

This startled me. "What?"

"Bella was the last one to see you. And you said her name a lot while you were asleep."

"I did?"

"Yes. You did." He waited and when I didn't respond right away, he prompted, "Did something happen between the two of you?"

_Yes_. "No."

"Why did you write all of that on your arms?"

I glanced down briefly at the black lines on my arms, the visual reminders of how shattered I was. "I don't know." _Liar._ "I don't even remember doing it." _Pathetic._

"Those are pretty coherent phrases for you to not even remember doing it."

I shrugged, wanting nothing more than to stop this line of questioning and just go back to sleep. "When can I leave?" I asked.

Jasper sighed, running a hand over his face. "Not for a couple more days. Your liver and nervous system are pretty fucked up. You won't be drinking for a while, that's for damn sure."

I nodded my head, thinking about how I'd never seen Jasper so angry. "Okay."

"I'll go call Mom and tell her you're up," Emmett finally spoke but retreated into the hallway.

"You suffered a pretty nasty head trauma. Any idea how that happened?" I shook my head in response. "What about the scratches on your feet, legs and hands?"

I looked down at my wrapped and bandaged limps and extremities, remembering in brief clips of time how I shattered my bathroom mirror and then proceeded to pull the remaining pieces off the wall. "Yeah, I, uh, broke the mirror."

"You threw a liquor bottle at it."

"Yeah…that."

Jasper's head hung in between his shoulders towards the ground while he shook it back and forth, huffing and sighing in great, deep breaths. I couldn't even imagine the stress and heartache I had put him through.

"Did you say three days?" I asked, breaking a long silence between us.

"What?" he head rose as he stared at me.

"Did you say I have been out of it for three days?"

"Yeah. It's the twelfth."

It was weird to think of it being in July again, as strange as that sounds. I half expected to be cold, but remembering that I wasn't in Washington and it wasn't actually Christmas was a lot harder than I could have ever imagined.

The door opened, revealing a middle-aged nurse whom held a sour expression. She barked orders at Jasper to tell him to leave and not to return until the morning. He seemed hesitant to leave which excited me somewhat to see him not act like he totally hated me for what I had done.

And as he turned to leave, my heart felt like it weighed a million pounds in my chest. I really, _really_ didn't want to be alone.

"Jasper?" I called out to him before he could close the door.

"Yeah?" he questioned, holding his position right outside the slightly agape door.

"I know I have no right to ask anything else of you, but…" my voice stopped. I didn't want to breathe her name, but the emptiness of her absence weighed heavier on me than any guilt or regret. "…could you call Bella for me and ask her to come by?" His eyebrows immediately raised at my request. "I really need to talk to her."

You make a mess of me here  
I dance a thousand steps for you  
If you say yes to me  
I'll be whatever gets you through

You make a mess of me here  
I dance a thousand steps for you  
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think?  
Am I a fool, am I a fool for you?

Dave Matthews Band- "Fool to Think"


	22. Seven Months

**A/N: I love my beta. And my reviews. And my favorites. And my alerts. And this story. And Edward. And you.**

**I'm going to go ahead and say I'm sorry. **

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twenty-One: Seven Months

I didn't hear the hospital door open back up, but I did hear the sighs of the nurse as she checked my vitals and asked me how I was feeling.

I told her I felt just fine and wanted my catheter removed as soon as possible. She replaced my I.V. and said she'd be back before long to take out my catheter.

The door didn't even have a chance to close behind her before my mother appeared. Upon laying eyes on me, she immediately clasped her hands over her mouth and started sobbing. My father held onto her shoulders from behind, leading her in, further and further in the room. Her eyes were shut tight as she wailed and tears continued to roll down her face. The sounds of her crying felt like needle pricks in my chest, and I thought briefly about how selfish I had been. I thought nothing of how my actions would affect my family. I only thought of what might make me feel better, and for those brief moments in time when I couldn't feel a thing nor think a single thought about _her_, I did feel better.

"Edward, oh, Edward," Esme continued to gasp through her sobs.

"Ma, please. Shhh… it's gonna be okay," I whispered to her, reaching out my hand towards her.

She wasted no time in wrapping me in a hug, as awkward as it was while lying in the hospital bed. She squeezed my shoulders and held onto the back of my head while slightly rocking us. I laid my bandaged hands on her back and gently patted her while continuing to whisper, "Shhh," in her ear for comfort.

"Ma, I'm fine," I told her as she backed away from me slowly, only with the help from my dad.

"Don't you ever do that to me again!" she shouted, wiping her eyes and cheeks.

"I won't. I'm sorry."

She huffed as she sat in the chair next to me, the one Jasper had just occupied. "You scared us all so bad, Edward. Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I just wasn't thinking, Ma. I took a couple of Ambiens and drank a little too much. I wasn't trying to kill myself or anything," I answered, wincing as I thought of how I entertained the idea of dying.

"You had a lot more than just a 'couple' of Ambiens, son," my dad replied. "And you had quite a large amount of alcohol in your system."

I had really started to resent the fact that both of my brothers and my dad were all doctors, and there was absolutely no fooling any of them. "It was an accident." I tried to reassure them.

"What about writing all that stuff on your arms? Was that an accident too?" Esme asked, with her eyes piercing through me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, trying to play off every thought and emotion that I was having, and wanting nothing more than to stop answering any questions.

"Ma, I'm fine, okay? I don't even remember writing all of this. I was really drunk. But I'm fine. Everything's okay. And I'm not gonna do it again. Alright?" Maybe if I kept saying I was fine, then it actually would be true.

"Why, Edward? I just don't understand why…." her tears kept trickling down her cheeks, off of her chin and onto her cream-colored blouse. She had a light colored trail of tear stains across her chest, and for the life of me, I couldn't take my eyes off of it to look in her eyes. Her stare, her sobs, her deep intakes of breaths and her tears all kept my eyes astray.

And so for the sake of being vague and for the sake of keeping my mom sane, I told her only what I could offer, only what I could ever allow myself to admit.

"I was just hurt. I…." I took a long, solid breath. "For just one second, I wanted- I wanted to not feel a thing. I wanted to forget."

"And did it help?" she asked, her hazel eyes glassy with a sheen of sparkle behind it all. "Was it worth it?"

_Was it? _Was what I had been through really worth it in the end? Whether I could take it all back or not, was the change in me, of me and for me really what was best? To others, maybe not. To me, a resounding yes.

But because it was really no one else's business and no one else's place to pass judgment or opinions on situations and outcomes without the proper understanding of exactly what it was like and exactly what I had been through, I did not tell my mom nor my dad exactly what I thought. So instead, I replied with a lie. "I'm not sure yet."

Broken on the outside as well as the inside, I laid in bed for the better part of three more days. I had visitors but only at certain times of the day; however, one thing I was never allowed was a time to be alone. There was always, always, always someone in the room with me.

"I'm being discharged tomorrow?" I asked Jasper as he helped me scrub the words off my body. It was painful, in fact, it felt something along the lines of tearing my skin right the fuck off.

"Yeah, you get to go home tomorrow. I'll be at work, but Emmett's gonna drive you."

"Alright. Cool. Thanks." The words were fading some, but the marks were still there no matter how hard we scrubbed and how much time passed, they would never be wiped clean.

"Alice is gonna stay with you for a while," he added, somewhat soft and light as he continued to watch his hands while he scrubbed my chest.

"What?" I replied with a shout.

"Emmett and I have to work a lot, and I know you wouldn't want to move to Seattle or Forks for a while, so Alice is going to come stay with you."

"What the fuck? Why?"

"Edward, here's the thing…." he started, setting his washcloth aside as he looked me in the eye with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "You are a suicide risk. I know, I know. You weren't _trying_ to kill yourself, but that's just how it fucking looks, okay? It's either you be checked in a psych ward for evaluations and tests and lots of fucking therapy for _months _or you let someone watch after you, someone who cares about you and won't hover but will just… _be there_. Okay? It's just Alice."

I groaned, wishing beyond measure that my actions wouldn't follow such consequences.

"Why Alice?"

"Emmett and I work too much, and I really didn't figure you would want to stay with Ma in Forks for that long. But Alice… she is willing to move to LA for a while and work from your place."

"That's another thing. Where is she gonna stay?"

His eyebrow rose. "Really, Edward? You have plenty of guestrooms."

_Damn. _"For how long?"

"For as long as it takes."

"_Jesus_."

"She's gonna look after you. I know you don't know her well enough yet, but she loves to feel needed. Trust me, the two of you will get along great."

It wasn't exactly the fact that Alice and I wouldn't get along that worried me. In fact, I knew that I loved Alice. I knew her well. She was Bella's best friend, and just that alone meant she was very important to me. The only part of it that I didn't truly like was the need to be watched after. The last thing I wanted to be was a bother. And truthfully, I just wanted to be left the hell alone… broken and to myself.

"I'm not going to be very fun to be around," I murmured as I started to dab a dry towel over my damp, reddened skin.

"She's well aware," he smiled. "She doesn't care at all."

_Goddamn, Alice._

I sighed, slumping my shoulders and hanging my head. As I took in another breath and let it out slowly, I raised my stare to see the smiling face of my brother. "_Fuck._ Alright."

"Alright. Great! We're gonna finish moving the rest of her stuff in, and I'll bring you some clean clothes to go home in tomorrow."

"How much stuff does she have?"

Jasper chuckled. "Don't worry. You've got room."

I nodded and finished drying off while still listening to him and thinking of how I had already been practically living with Alice for seven months.

"Hey, uh… did you ever talk to Bella?" I asked as casually as I could.

Jasper looked up at me, stared intently at me for several moments before he spoke. "Yeah, I did. She's coming by tomorrow. She's driving Alice out here."

I nodded again as nonchalant as I could. "Okay. That's good. Thanks."

"So, uh… why do you need to talk to Bella?"

_And there it is._

"It's an 'A' and 'B' conversation, Jazz."

"Yeah, but since—"

"No 'but'. It's none of your fucking business, smartass."

He lifted his hands, palms facing me. "Alright, alright. Sorry." I turned around, heading back towards my hospital bed while Jasper continued to talk and follow me. "You need to be careful around Bella. There's something I think she forgot to tell you…."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"She has—"

"Time for dinner!" the night nurse came in with a tray of country fried steak with grey gravy on top along with loose corn, tiny green peas and a roll that was burnt on the bottom. My stomach churned.

"_Goddamn_," Jasper turned his head away from the smell as she set the tray on top of the rolling high table next to the bed.

"And would you like orange Jell-O or a cupcake for dessert?" she asked with a grin full of crooked teeth.

I looked up at Jasper just as he mouthed, 'cupcake' to me.

"Uh, cupcake please."

She smiled proudly as she presented my cupcake. "There ya go. Have a good night!" And she was gone, leaving behind a stench of old, disgusting country fried steak and corn that smelled more like piss.

"The Jell-O has chunks of white shit in it. I wouldn't take any chances on it if I were you," Jasper said, as he backed up and reached for the handle of the door. "I'll go try to find you some real food. Be back in a second."

And then, he was gone. And so was the thought of what I should have known about Bella… apparently.

The next day, I was standing in front of the mirror in my hospital room bathroom, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans that Jasper had brought me. I was just staring at myself. The faint marks of love and loss were still quite visible and the scars on my hands were still covered by small bandages. I had tears along my arms from the I.V. and blood work, and I had even lost weight. I didn't know this person. This pitiful soul standing before me was my worst nightmare. Literally. He was always what I dreaded becoming. And now, there I was. Alone, broken and severely scarred. My insides felt just as empty as the life in my eyes. I had nothing else, because everything had been stripped from me.

I sighed long and hard, running a hand through my greasy, unwashed hair and wishing I had Bella there to fix it for me. I took out my shaving kit that Jasper had brought for me and started to shave my face. I had acquired quite a beard while in the hospital for several days so I desperately needed a shave and was so grateful for Jasper to have brought me what I needed.

After I was finished and had toweled off my face, I stared down at my electric razor. I thought to myself, 'Don't do it. Don't do it'. But before I could stop or even take a second to realize what I was doing, I started to shave my head. With a two-guard clipper, I shaved my entire head. I wanted to cry while watching myself do it in the mirror, but I was all cried out. There was nothing left of me, and I just needed something new, and for something to reflect on the outside all of the nothingness on the inside.

Have you ever felt that creepy feeling of being watched? Where maybe you couldn't see them, but you could just feel them? A shiver ran up my bare spine and across my neck, and then suddenly I turned around, facing the one who meant the most.

Her expression was pained and tortured. Her big, blue eyes that I had once longed to see were darting between the clippers, my head and the fallen hairs on the floor and on the sink. She seemed to just look disappointed without even having said anything at all. I once again hated myself.

But damn, she looked good.

Her hair was straight today. There were only very few times I ever saw Bella with her hair completely straight, but I had always liked it. It would still twist easily around my fingers, and just staring at the long, chestnut strands made my scrapped fingers twitch and move to touch her. She had on a sleeveless, cotton grey and purple sundress which made me remember that it was July again and extremely warm outside. Not December in Forks weather at all.

Her eyes finally landed on my bare chest which made her turn a delicious shade of pink on her cheeks. There weren't many times when I had seen Bella blush, but it mostly pained me to see it, for I knew it was because she just didn't know me well enough to look at me with my shirt off.

"Hey," I whispered. Her eyes bugged out briefly, like she was surprised I had actually spoken.

But she recovered enough to smile slightly and reply, "Hi." It hurt to look at her. It hurt to see her so close and yet so far, and it especially hurt to not be able to ask her to make the pain stop, to comfort me, hold me, kiss me and tell me over and over all the things I wanted to hear. I didn't have time to think of what to say to her before she had spoken again. "Jasper said you needed to see me?"

"Uh, yeah.…" I stammered. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

She nodded and stood silently while waiting on me to continue. I set down the clippers and stepped away from the sink, running my hand over my newly shaven scalp. Bella stepped back into the hospital room and waited in the corner of the room next to the door while I walked to the bed and threw on my shirt. She maneuvered around with her head down and her eyes trained intently on the floor.

"I know you were here when they first brought me to the hospital. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior and how I must have looked," I rambled on.

"I know I shouldn't be asking you this, but why did you do that? When you dropped me off the night before everything was perfectly fine."

I nodded. "I know. I'm very sorry. I know I must have looked awful."

"Those words… they were everywhere on you. It was so… horrible. Morbid." Her eyes were still towards the floor like she was thinking back to when I had come in, but her voice was strong.

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It didn't have anything to do with me, did it?" She finally raised her head enough to look at me.

I sighed, wishing this wasn't the way. But I saw no other choice. "Bella, I…." here it was. The moment I had waited to tell her for seven months. The total truth. "I had a dream about you."

She blinked, completely unaffected. "About me?" Her tone sounded like she didn't even believe me.

"Yes. I, uh," I stammered. Why was this so hard? "I had a dream that we were in love."

She finally showed emotion about what I told her. Her eyes grew bigger, and she was visibly holding her breath. "What?" she whispered.

"We met in college at U Dub and dated and fell in love. We had been together for almost four years. We lived together in a three bedroom house in Seattle. And… and we were getting married."

Her face was stone. Unmoving and unwavering from the trance she was in as she stared directly at me.

I continued on, "Bella, I know it was just a dream, okay? I know that. But it was so _real_. I dreamed of seven months that we were together. _Seven months_. Seven months of waking up with you, getting dressed with you, going to work with you, seeing you make dinner for me and watching you fall asleep right next to me. Every day. For seven months. Seven months of touching and holding and kissing and loving each other more than I've ever loved or thought of loving anyone in my life. Seven months of cleaning your stray hairs out of the shower and picking up your underwear and socks from off the floor. Seven months of hearing you complain because I snore sometimes on my back or how I don't squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom."

Her eyes started to turn glassy, and her chest started to rise up and down more and more frequently as she breathed heavier.

But still, I didn't stop.

"I have lived seven months in love with you. Completely and totally in love with you. I have lived seven months by your side, and now, I don't know what to do. Bella, I can't go back to how my life was. I didn't know anything could be that good or feel that good. But now… now that I know; I can't go back. I need you."

Her eyes widened, sending tears down her cheeks.

"And you loved me too. You did. You used to make me sing you your favorite Dave Matthews Band song whenever you had a bad day at work. _'Baby Blue'_. And sometimes, I'd sing it twice so you'd fall asleep if you had a bad headache."

She shook her head, shutting her eyes briefly while using her fingers to wipe away the tears running down her face. "You don't know me. Edward, it was a dream!" she screamed.

"You're right. It was a dream. It could have just been my imagination. But you're wrong about one thing. I _do_ know you. I know you better than anyone. Better than Rosalie. Better than Alice." My voice sounded eerily calm as I stepped closer to her. "I know you talk to your dad every day on the phone, at least once, sometimes more. He usually calls you when he gets off, no matter what time. You've been making him do that ever since he was shot in the shoulder a few years ago. He likes me. He might be a little overprotective, but you like that about him so it's never really bothered you. He wasn't thrilled at first whenever I asked him for his blessing to marry you. But he said he couldn't imagine you ever being happier with anyone else, and as long as I continued to make you that happy, then he would be happy too.

"Seth, your stepbrother, had a crush on you before Phil married Renee. You both laugh about it now, but it used to annoy you. He likes me too. Took him a few years, but he does. Now, Renee…." I chuckled a little, "she _loves_ me. She has wanted us to get married since we first started dating, the exact opposite of Charlie." Tears trickled off her chin and down her chest while her face still held strong as stone.

"I know this sounds crazy, baby- er…." I coughed slightly then straightened up. "I mean, Bella… I know that you think I really don't know you. I know you think we just met a couple of days ago," I started to walk closer to her, step by step I watched her as I neared. "But to me, I've fallen in love with you. I _am _in love with you."

"You-you don't know me. Those things you said- about my family- those things you could have found out from Jasper or… or Emmett…." her voice shook as she kept crying silent, unforgiving tears.

"Bella, listen to me. I know you, okay?" I got as close to her as I possibly could without her feeling too nervous. She looked up at me with wide, beautiful blue eyes that were clouded over with tears, fear and uncertainty. I was close enough to lightly feel the push of her breath ghosting across the skin of my throat and collarbone, and still, I wanted to be closer but for the sake of keeping her here long enough to get out everything I have wanted to tell her all along, I needed to keep a safe distance away. Slowly so I wouldn't frighten her anymore, I lifted my hand and brushed back her hair off her left shoulder, exposing the long expanse of her creamy, soft neck and the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

"I know you like to be kissed right here," I whispered as I lightly touched under her ear with the tip of my finger. She flinched away only a little bit, but I ignored it and kept talking. "And you get chills and goose bumps when I kiss you right here." I touched along her neck still just using my index finger. "And you like to hold my hand like this when we're together," I lightly trailed my hand down her arm and searched for the tips of her fingers. Never leaving our locked gaze, I blindly laced our hands together while holding her pinky with mine especially. She glanced down briefly, taking in the state of our hands and immediately looked back up at me.

"When you laugh, you know, _really_ laugh, your eyes squint and you like to throw your head back. But when something's funny, _really_ funny, you laugh so hard nothing comes out. It's just silence. You're smiling and your eyes are shut tight, but no sound leaves your mouth. I don't think I have ever seen anything more beautiful." I didn't let go of her hand as I continued, and she made no effort to release mine. "You run every morning, sometimes even if it's raining. You hate onions and the smell of chicken boiling. You like action films, and we can never go to the movies without you getting Twizzlers and a Diet Coke. You're messy… well, messier than me, but you try to keep your things picked up. You listen to old 60 and 70's rock and roll in the shower and alternative while you run. You like to cook but hate to clean. We don't like the same cereal, so we have at least five different kinds in the pantry." I chuckled and whispered like it was a secret in her ear, "You like your Lucky Charms while I love my Captain Crunch."

My smile faded as I watched her eyes widen and her breaths pick up speed. "You sleep on the right side of the bed. You hate cold weather but like the rain. Your hair is naturally curly and a lot darker in the winter time. You always smell like cotton candy. Always. You'd rather take a bath than a shower, but rarely get to take one. You love the beach and summertime but you love living in Seattle. You like to read novels, but every week, you would steal Alice's _People Magazine_ until she finally had to quit having it sent to our house. You're unorganized and cluttered, but for some reason I love that about you."

At some point, during my rant, Bella had begun to shake her head quickly back and forth with her eyes shut tight as tears ran down her cheeks, leaving black mascara trails down the sides of her face. And in faint whispers, so soft and so low that I could barely hear, she kept repeating, "Stop it."

I knew I should. I knew it was all too much for her to take in at one time. Everything might have been too close to the truth for her liking, but I couldn't stop now. To make her see, to make her understand, I knew I couldn't stop.

"You suck on your bottom lip when you're concentrating. You twirl your hair when you're bored. You run your fingers through it when you're nervous. You pout when you're mad. You cry when you yell. And you-you smile every time I tell you I love you." Her eyes opened, slowly yet bravely. "Every time."

"It wasn't real, Edward! It was just a dream!" she cried.

"Maybe it was. But what if it was more? What if it was a glimpse of what our lives could be? What if we were always meant to be together?" She blinked, more salty tears leaving her eyes. "I love you, Bella. And I'm not going to stop just because I woke up."

"How do you know all those things about me?" she whispered, wiping away the wetness around her eyes and off of her flushed cheeks. "I don't understand."

"I don't either. I just do. I know you have a small butterfly-shaped birthmark on the back of your thigh." She lightly touched her leg over her dress where the mark was.

"See! How do you know that?" she demanded. I smiled, feeling a betraying pink blush rise to my cheeks. "Oh," she said, curtly.

"Listen, I know this sounds crazy. I know _I _sound crazy, but I can't help it. I have never experienced a loss like this before. I feel… empty. I feel like my heart has been broken, and I just… I just want to fix it. I just want to… to be with you. I want to go back to how it was, how I dreamed it. I want to be happy again, and engaged and in love and living with you again. I can't go back. I can't go back to my fucking empty, shattered into a million pieces apartment where all I think about is you and how happy we were. And I can't go back to a meaningless job that I only do for the money, not because I enjoy it. And I don't. I hate it. But you… Bella, you…." and my voice cracked and faltered and waved goodbye to every shred of dignity and resolve that I was trying to show. I broke away from the layers of pride that I had left and stood naked and wanting before her. "I want all of you. Every day. For forever. Because, my life sucks without you in it."

Silence.

The worst possible response was what she gave me.

Silence.

No tears, no sobs, no crying. Only silence. A breath here and a blink there, but overall silence. She was stone yet again, and I felt about as big as a mouse.

Who was I kidding? She didn't care about me. Not really. It was all only a dream. This Bella, the _real_ one, didn't know me, didn't care about me at all. I was a stranger. She had no reason to love me or to want to be with me at all.

And so once more, because she had to, she broke my heart.

"Edward, I know what you're going through. You're lonely; you don't see your family that often, and you just needed someone. So you dreamt of me. It happens. And a lot of dreams, they can seem real. And you wake up believing them. I've done it. Everyone does it. But what you have to understand is it was only just a dream. It _wasn't_ real. None of it was. I've never loved you, and you've never loved me. We were never together. Okay?" Could it be possible to hurt worse now than when I first woke up? "I'm sorry."

And just like always, she turned and walked away from me, our fingers falling away slowly from each other. I was always chasing her, and now I was back at it. And maybe the old me would have just said 'to hell with it' and let her go, but the desperate fighter inside of me now couldn't bear it any longer.

I couldn't imagine a life without her, and if I had to scrape and fight and push her to see how our life together could be, then I would do it. I wasn't giving up, even now that she was walking away from me.

"You're an English teacher," I yelled from behind her. She stopped, mid-stride but didn't turn around. I cleared my throat and wished away every last nerve that I had left. "Yeah, you're a high school English teacher. You love it, and they love you, of course. What teenager wouldn't love for you to be their teacher? And I'm a music teacher. Can you believe it? And… and we have a dog, a chocolate lab. His name is Brody, and when it storms he sleeps in between us. We live in this big, beautiful house in a suburb right outside of the city. I bought it for us. Jasper lives with us, which means Alice does too. Emmett and Rose used to live there too, but they moved out after they got married. We all get along on most days, except when Alice makes us watch _You've Got Mail_ and that stupid Kardashian show."

Still staying a large distance away from me, Bella turned around slowly until we were face to face once again. Her once stone expression was replaced with a look of shock and amazement. If I was finally getting through to her, I couldn't just stop there.

"Bella," I took her hand once again, lightly brushing my thumb along the backs of her knuckles. "I know I sound crazy. I know there is no way any of this could be real. You have to believe that I've been over this and over this in my head. I was stuck in that fucking world for seven months! But…." my voice quieted while tears started to trickle from the corners of her eyes once again. "But it was the best seven months of my life."

Her cheeks were flushed and her nose had a slight pinkish hue from her crying, and her eyes… _oh god_… her eyes were bluer than I had ever seen them.

"You're so beautiful. You know that?" My hand touched the base of her neck, trailing my fingers along her cheek and jaw. "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." She let out a strangled sob, her shoulders gyrating slightly. "I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm not asking to be your boyfriend or to go out on a date with you. I just want to see you and spend time with you. I know how good we could be together. I know how in love we could be if given the chance."

I gently placed each of my hands on either side of her neck, softly holding her creamy skin to mine with my thumbs barely caressing her jaw. "And that's all I want, Bella. Just one chance."

She shut her eyes, and I watched as her lips curled up and her eyebrows furrowed in pain. Her hot tears pooled onto my hands as another sob left her throat. And slowly… _very_ slowly, I realized she was not going to say what I wanted to hear.

Her blue, glassy eyes fluttered open in one soft breath as she whispered, "Edward, I have a boyfriend."

And that hurt much worse than any reality or non-reality ever could.

* * *

**a/n: Oh my god! I know what you're thinking... how could I let him shave his head? **

**What? Not what you were thinking? Huh. Well. I always told you he would tell her the truth all in good time. Now was the time. I rather like this chapter even if you don't. It'll work out. **

**Update in two weeks. Time me. It'll happen. Preciate you.**


	23. Alone

**A/N: I'm a fail. Two weeks didn't happen. But I'm back and moving along. Thanks to my beta. She's awesome. So let's continue.**

* * *

It don't have a job

Don't pay your bills

Won't buy you a home in Beverly Hills

Won't fix your life

And find easy steps

Ain't the low or the limp

Or the government

Love, will, hold us together

Make us a shelter

to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brother's keeper

So the whole world will know

That we're not alone

Chapter Twenty-Two: Alone

"Where are you going?" a little, high-pitched voice questioned behind me.

My hand stilled on the doorknob. I sighed. It was so hard to be upset with someone so sweet and nice and so completely dedicated to keeping me happy and trying (but failing) to stay out of my way as much as possible. But somewhere in my empty chest where a once compassionate heart used to lie was the strength to snap back at her with a, "The grocery store. You mind?"

"Oh!" she squealed, jumping up from the couch and tossing her Vogue magazine aside. "I'll go with!" she exclaimed.

Avoiding her seeing my eyes roll, I turned my back on her and opened the apartment door. I heard the clicking of her high-heels following me out the corridor and down the hall to the elevator after hearing her lock the door behind us.

"You know, Alice, I'm perfectly capable of traveling to the store and back without injuring myself and ending up back in the hospital," I commented as we hailed a cab.

She giggled to herself like I wasn't acting like a grouchy twelve-year-old. "I know that, silly. But if I'm going to be staying with you for a while, I'll need some food of my own. I can't just keep eating Chinese takeout."

I scoffed and turned my head to watch out the window at the passing city. Four days. It had been four days since I was released from the hospital. Four days since I had seen Bella. Four days since I had told the complete truth, and she had reacted exactly the way I had predicted all those months ago… she didn't believe me at all.

After she told me she had a boyfriend, she immediately walked out of the room, leaving me standing there shocked and unsure what to do next. Ten minutes went by, then fifteen and then thirty before Emmett walked into the room and found me standing in the same exact spot Bella had left me.

"You okay?" he asked, stepping slowly towards me like I was a ticking time bomb. When I didn't reply, he asked again, "Dude? You okay?" I blinked, focusing in on the immediate urge I had to punch something… anything. My fists flexed at my sides so tightly my arm muscles started to shake and tremor.

Adrenaline and anger started pumping through my veins harder and harder until I was shaking so badly I was starting to sweat, and my jaw was aching from the pressure of my teeth grinding. _You're losing it._ I told myself. _Again_.

Behind my eyes (even though they were still wide open) I saw flashes of Bella smiling and laughing with someone else. I saw her being held by the wrong arms and telling the wrong person how much she loved them.

Sweat dripped from my forehead as my tremors increased, and I could no longer even see Emmett in front of me let alone hear him trying to calm me. I saw only flashes of golden chestnut and ocean blues being swept away from my reach by an unknown dark figure.

"Dude, what the fuck happened to your hair?" Emmett's booming voice knocked me out of my own head.

In those four days, Alice had moved in with me and had not let me out of her sight except to sleep, and even then, I sometimes woke in the middle of the night to the feel of a small presence watching over me. Unnerving? I'd say so.

"Soooo…." Alice drawled out as we walked up and down the grocery aisles like an actual couple. I narrowed my eyes at her. I didn't like the way that "soooo" sounded. "I talked to Bella the other day," she almost whispered.

I paused our walking in front of the vegetables, staring down at her as she picked up tomato after tomato, testing the firmness. She hummed along to a song in her head (sounded like '_Pokerface_') and pretended not to notice my stare.

"Oh yeah?" I questioned.

"Yep!" she replied, sing-song-y and totally annoying. "She, uh, told me what you talked about the other day at the hospital."

_Fucking girls and their fucking mouths_. I ran my hand over my head, wincing once I remembered I didn't even have any fucking hair to run my fingers through. Frustrated even more, I figured I'd get this conversation over with as quickly as possible.

"Oh yeah?" I asked again. "Do you think she told anyone else?"

"What? No! No! _God_, no!" she protested, taking two ripe tomatoes and setting them in our basket. "I mean… she might have told Rose. But that's it! Just me and Rose." I nodded and started to turn towards the next aisle, consisting of cookies and chips. "And Rose probably told Emmett," her voice lowered to barely a whisper, "… and I might have told Jasper a thing or two…."

"_Jesus_, Alice…." I groaned. "Why didn't we just have a conference call and get the whole fucking truth out in the open? Or better yet, why not call Ma and Pop right now so we can make sure the whole goddamn family knows about it? Got any distant relatives we should call? I mean, while we're at it we might as well order a beach plane to fly over the entire fucking city with a banner that says, 'Edward Cullen - hopeless loser in love with a woman who's in love with someone else'!"

"Doubt you could get all of that on one of those things…." she mumbled with her head downcast like a punished child.

"I mean, _what the fuck_? What does it take to get some privacy with this family?"

"Edward, quiet down. There are families here…."

"Fuck the families!"

I walked ahead, ignoring the clicking of heels behind me. I heard her ramblings and huffing's of frustration behind me as she followed right on my heels, talking my ear off about anything that popped into her flittering brain.

I saw a box of Zebra cakes and put them in our basket because I knew they were Alice's favorite and then kept walking to the cheese and yogurt aisle where I also got several of Alice's favorite yogurt flavors. Next, I got several packs of string cheese because I knew Alice ate at least two a day. I got the special white cheddar kind since it was the only kind she would eat.

While I was getting the second pack, she appeared in front of me with her mouth agape and her hands perched on her hips. "What are you doing?" she demanded, her eyebrows scrunched together.

"I'm getting your blessed string cheese so you'll quit munching on my cheddar and Swiss cubes," I retorted.

"I know _what_ you're doing. I just wanna know _how_…."

"How what?"

"This!" She held up the cheese. "And this!" She shoved the Zebra cakes in my face. "And all of those!" She gestured to the packets of yogurt.

"What? I'm just getting your favorite-" _Ohhhh…._

"My favorite…." she tried prompting me to continue. I kept walking, ignoring her question and snatching the food from her little hands and shoving them back into the cart. "_My favorite food_? Huh, Edward? Is that what you were going to say?" I kept walking. "Are you saying you know my favorite foods?" When I still didn't respond, she bounded ahead of me and blocked my path. "How do you know what I like to eat?"

"Alice, please. Don't do this to me. I've already had to explain it once, and that didn't really go over very well so I certainly don't want to do it again." I glanced to my left then to my right, gesturing with my hands, "And especially not standing beside the Cheez-Its."

"Bella told me you knew my favorite movie and TV show," she countered and paused, waiting for me to respond. When I didn't, she continued. "And I asked Jasper if he told you. And he said he didn't."

"Alice, I'm being serious. Stop."

"What if I said I believed you?" she asked.

I took in a sharp breath. "What?"

"What if I told you that I believed you?" she repeated.

"You believe me?"

Her icy blue-grey eyes, darker than the ones I was used to seeing, glanced from our grocery cart up into my own eyes. Slowly, she smiled and grabbed the end of the metal cart, tugging me along with it on the other end. "Come on, lover boy. Tell me all about it."

After those first four days, the little pieces of what was left started to fall together. Somewhat, at least. Alice wanted to know _everything_, and of course, I was more than willing to share my story and what I had gone through, and how I ended up in that hospital bed. She wanted to know every detail. Even minor, hardly-significant-at-all details that even I had almost forgotten until she had asked.

'_Were there French doors leading out to the back porch?' 'Was mine and Jazz's room smaller than yours?' 'Was Rose bitchier?' 'Did the bouquets at Em and Rosalie's wedding have yellow roses?' 'Was I skinnier?' _

"Was my hair longer in your dream? I've been thinking of growing my hair out, but I'm afraid it won't look right," she asked one night that same week as we sat down to dinner in the dining room. I had cooked spaghetti.

"It was a little longer." _I think_. "It looked fine."

"Was it layered? Did I have highlights? Were my bangs the same or did I grow those out too?"

_Jesus._ "I thought the whole reason why we wanted to discuss it was to figure out why it happened and how I (_might)_ can get Bella back. If I would have known we were discussing it to figure out your hair possibilities, then I wouldn't have mentioned it to begin with."

"Okay, okay. You're right. I'm sorry." She took a bite of her food, chewed and swallowed before asking, "So was Bella's hair different?"

I smiled and cupped my hands underneath my chin, resting my elbows on the table. "It was a little longer, but she had been growing it out from July to December. In October, she dyed it a little darker. Not black like yours, but somewhat of a darker brown. In the summer, it was so light, ya know? She had these sun streaks right around her face that were so much lighter than the rest. But her skin was much tanner then too, so when the summer was over and her skin was lighter, she dyed her hair darker. I loved it. I mean, she would look beautiful with it colored pink and orange, but there was something about her hair when it was long and dark in the winter time. It was so shiny, and when she'd straighten it, it would look like dark chocolate velvet."

Alice's eyes prickled with tears on the edges as she smiled at me and slightly shook her head. I fidgeted slightly underneath her stare and wondered what she saw when she looked at me like that.

"You really love her, don't you? Like, you've fallen deeply and completely and passionately in love with her, haven't you?"

I took a nervous swig of my tea, chewed a piece of ice and waited for Alice to stop looking at me like she now housed this gigantic secret that she found so profound and so intense. I wasn't used to her not knowing me very well or not knowing my deep feelings for Bella. I had never had to really tell someone (besides Bella) how I felt about her. Everyone just sort of always knew. It was never a spoken question or a statement needed to be said out loud for everyone to hear. They already knew. They could see. But now… now it was a secret. Now it was taboo.

"Have you ever loved someone so much… so… _hard_ that you wished you didn't love them at all?" I asked her. "Have you ever loved someone too much, to where it hurt, like physically hurt? That kind of love doesn't feel like love at all. It's painful and unjust and sometimes it feels like work." I took a long breath and let it out before continuing. "But then there are the good times, when you're together, and you've never felt lighter. There are the times when you can't stop smiling, and then you know that all that pain and all those bad feelings were so, _so_ worth it." I took another sip from my glass then set it back down, not looking into Alice's eyes. "That's the way Bella makes me feel."

In the corner of my eye, I saw that Alice reached up and wiped away the tears from her face and blotted away her mascara with her napkin. "Well, gosh. I guess I need to start liking you if you're going to marry my best friend."

"She has a boyfriend, Alice."

"I know. And it's pretty serious, so we have to work fast."

"Does she love him?" There was no right answer to that loaded question, but for my own sanity I needed to know the truth.

Alice breathed a long sigh and looked back up into my eyes with a small smile pulling from the sides of her lips, "Not like that she doesn't."

"I know she could love me. I _fucking know _it! I've seen it. I've felt it…."

"In some weird way, I believe you." She took another bite of her food, staring off into space. "I feel like we need to get her here somehow…."

"Please don't force her into anything. I want it to just happen. You know? I don't want to push her into anything. I think I tried that already, and it didn't go over so well."

"Well, you can't just sit back. You need to do something."

So, I took a bit of her advice and 'did something'. I decided to make a change. Well, lots of changes. Starting with the life around me. Real fucking life.

_**Day 7 (after waking up)**_

Change number one: I quit my job. The CEO's weren't pleased because I didn't have a legitimate excuse to offer them. I didn't give them a real reason for my abrupt departure, and they threatened me with bad references and no recommendations, but I honestly didn't care at all. I wouldn't need them anyway.

Alice was with me the entire time. And as always, she insisted on adding something right as we were leaving.

Over her shoulder she called out to the board members who watched us as we walked away, "This wasn't what he was meant to do, don't ya see?"

"Alice," I scolded her, pulling on her elbow as we neared the elevator.

"He's just following his dream," she kept on, ignoring me completely.

Middle-aged, richer-than-God expensive suits stood and questioned each other in hushed whispers while staring at us. I really needed to put a lock on her room.

_**Day 10**_

Flew to Seattle. Alone? Not at all.

"How long are we staying again?" she questioned as we were flying and about to arrive in Seattle. "I really, _really_ wanna see Jasper while we're here." She pouted, sticking her bottom lip out.

"I told you. I don't want them to know what's going on till we're leaving."

"But-"

"I don't even want them to know I'm here… they'll ask questions."

"Everyone will know sooner or later…."

"Alice, please don't fight me on this."

She turned her head towards the window on her side, effectively ending our conversation.

_**Day 12**_

I enrolled in the music department's program at UW. They thought I was crazy because I already had a law degree and a successful background while attending school at Berkley and also having a very stable career already. But I gave it all up to go back to school. The advisor was skeptical but gave me the option of working as an adjunct teacher in the university's criminal justice program while taking a full load of classes.

"Think it over. I know you live in LA right now, but at least it's an option," he said as we discussed my possibilities in his office.

"I'm moving. I'd like to start in the fall."

"Sure. I can set you up for an interview with the Dean of the CJ Department. Maybe next week?" he suggested.

"Sure, that sounds great!"

"Next week? But, Edward-" Alice piped in. I clapped a hand over her mouth while smiling at the advisor over the desk.

"Next week sounds wonderful."

He glanced at Alice then back at me. He let out a nervous laugh and shuffled around some papers. "How about next Thursday? Ten in the morning sound okay?"

"Edmwardd-" Alice's voice protested from behind my hand.

"I will be there," I smiled. "Can't wait. Thank you so much."

"Are you sure your wife is okay with this?" he asked.

"Oh god! We're definitely _not_ married."

Mistakenly my hand fell from her mouth. "Well, that was rude."

"We'll be going now. Thank you for all your help," I smiled, pulling Alice along behind me out of his office and down the hall. "You're killing me, Alice."

"You know, I'm beginning to think you're annoyed by me."

As we stepped into the elevator, I replied, "Alice, you started annoying me twelve days ago."

_**Day 15**_

"Whoa, that's big."

"I know. And it's all mine."

"Not yet…."

"Shut up, Alice."

"I will fuck your world up, skinhead."

We stood in the exact spot where our house had once been. It was nothing. There was no white house with blue shutters. No red oak front door. No loud, obnoxious barks from Brody as our rental car had pulled up. But most of all, no place to associate that my musings, my _dream_ had been real.

But, I could still picture it all. I could still remember every little detail. If I wanted to make it real, all I needed was the large piece of land to build my memories on.

"All right. Let's call them," I said as I typed the number on the for sale sign into my phone.

"Are you seriously doing this?" Alice asked me, her eyes big and searching as she stared up at me.

"I'm doing this."

"You're really moving here? You're really quitting your job, going back to school and building a house just to be closer to her?"

I sighed and stepped closer to Alice, regretting having walked over the red mud of the land that crunched after each step I took. "I could never live with myself if I knew that I didn't try _everything_ that I could to be with her. I am in love with her, and that's not something I can just turn on and off, ya know? I'd do anything for her. And none of that stuff in LA - not my job or my apartment or my car or anything - matters if I don't have her."

Alice's face was solemn. She stared down at the mud caked on her Marc Jacobs pumps and adjusted the strap on her Chanel purse while having a forlorn expression on her face.

She whispered quietly like she was afraid to say it, "But what if it doesn't work out between you two?"

I smiled, threading my arm around her shoulders and giving her a slight squeeze.

"Yeah, but _what if_ it does."

_**Day 20**_

"Even if we broke ground tomorrow it still wouldn't be ready for another six or seven months."

"What about another $100,000? Would that speed things up?"

The two contractors glanced at each other once, down at their plans laid out in front of them then back at me and once more at each other before they finally replied, "Give us four months."

_**Day 25**_

"This place is a dump."

"No it's not! It's just not as big as my old apartment."

"Yeah, as in your old kitchen was bigger than this."

"Alice, you don't _have _to live here with me."

"Shut up. It's fine. I'll make do." She walked around in a circle through the kitchen to the dining room then back to the living room. "My closet at home is bigger than this."

"Alice-"

"But I'm not complaining. It's fine. It's only temporary."

"Exactly. And it's where-"

"I know, I know. It's where Bella lived in your dream. I remember."

"Thank you."

"So the movers will be here next week?"

"Yeah, only a few more days in the hotel."

She took a long circle in the living room, studying the room from the floor to the ceiling. "Where are we going to put everything?"

"We'll only use some of it. The rest can go in storage until the house is ready."

"Which one is my room?"

"The smaller one."

"The what?" she screeched as she ran down the narrow hall into the smaller bedroom. "Where are my clothes going to go?"

"It's only temporary, Alice."

She stepped back into the living room to look me straight in the eyes and said, "You better give those contractors another hundred grand."

_**Day 27**_

"I really can't believe you're living in Seattle now," Jasper said as he walked into my hotel room.

"What's so hard to believe?" I asked, shutting the door behind him.

"You always loved living in LA. I never thought you'd leave, let alone quit your job and move out to Seattle for good."

I nodded my head and took a seat in the armchair adjacent to the couch in the living room. Jasper seated himself next to me and waited patiently for me to explain everything to him.

I sighed and took a sip of my iced tea. "I'm starting at UW in the fall."

"Yeah, I know. Alice told me."

I coughed/scoffed. "Of course she did," I whispered.

"I think that's great. You're finally doing something you love to do. That's amazing. It takes a lot of courage to give up a life that you started for yourself and got so comfortable in, all to do something you truly enjoy."

I only nodded, studying the clear glass as I moved it around along the tips of my fingers and heard the quiet jingle of the ice knocking against each other.

"I mean, you've completely uprooted your whole life to start a new one."

I nodded again.

"You took the LSAT, got accepted into law school, went to law school, graduated and got an amazing job out of college and started making millions of dollars a year in one of the largest, most extravagant cities in the country."

I nodded.

"And now, you've given it all up. You've said to hell with it all to follow your dream and to do what's truly in your heart."

I nodded.

"Can I ask you one question though?"

"Sure."

"Is all of this to impress a girl?"

I cut my eyes in his direction on the couch where he was only staring right back at me with a solemn expression. "It's not all just for her."

"Is it not?"

"No."

"Then, tell me, Edward, what's with the sudden change of heart?"

"I know what I'm meant to do now. I know where I'm meant to live and whom I meant to be with. I know what my life is supposed to be like. I'm ready to start living it."

"Bella has a _boyfriend_, Edward. A very, _serious_ boyfriend."

"Don't ignore what I'm saying, Jazz. And yes, I _know_ she has a boyfriend. I'm well-aware. But I can't help the way I feel. It's just the way it is."

"She's happy. She's been through a lot, and she's finally happy with him."

"And when's it my turn?" my voice raised, and I turned my body towards him to face him directly. "When is it gonna be my turn to be happy? When do I get to fall in love? When it's convenient for everyone else? I've never loved anyone before in my entire life. You _know _that, Jasper. But I _love _her. So much. And I… that's not something I can change as easily as the rest."

He turned his eyes away from me, casting them on the carpet under our feet. He nodded slowly and sighed to himself a couple of times before he spoke again.

"She doesn't know you've moved here or anything like that."

"That's fine. She doesn't have to."

"When are you going to make your move though?"

"I don't know. When the time's right, I guess. I'm not going to rush it."

He nodded once again, and it grew silent between us.

And before I knew it, I was asking the one question I had been promising myself for twenty-seven days that I would not ask.

"Who is he?"

Jasper glanced at me, thinking for a moment before turning his head away again and shaking it slightly.

"You don't know him."

The only thing on my mind the rest of the afternoon as Jasper stayed and talked to me more was _I truly hoped he was right._

_**Day 31**_

"I'll be right back. I gotta take a leak," Emmett told me as we walked into a small sub shop in downtown.

"All right. I'll order and find us a seat."

I got in line in front of the counter, reading the menu even though in my dream Bella and I used to go there all the time for their Reuben's, but this wasn't a dream and ordering a Reuben just didn't seem right, especially without her, as weird as that might have seemed.

"I'll take a Reuben with potato salad and a large Root Beer," the guy in front of me said.

The voice. His voice. It sounded so familiar. He stepped to the side to wait on his order, and as he did that, he came into clear view. Seth.

"Hey, man. How's it goin'," I said, smiling and holding my hand out.

His eyes cut towards mine, and in that moment, I felt so dumb. His eyes narrowed and seemed to question everything about my presence. He followed the line of my arm down to my out-stretched hand.

"What's up, man?" he replied, still not taking my hand so I dropped it back to my side. "I'm sorry. I might sound like a complete idiot. But do I know you?" he asked, smiling politely.

I shook my head, looking at the cross stitching on the tops of my loafers. "No, man. It's my fault. I thought you were someone else."

"Oh, ok," he laughed. "It's cool."

The next thing I knew, Emmett was back by my side. "Did you order yet?" he asked me, then turned his head towards Seth. His eyes widened and his mouth drew went up into a smile as he held out his hand. "Oh, hey man! What's going on? I haven't seen you in a while."

Seth immediately shook Emmett's hand, smiling back at him. "Yeah, I know, man. Not much going on. Just in town to see Bella for a few days."

"That's awesome." Emmett glanced over at me, remembering I was standing off to his side. "Oh, I'm sorry. Seth, this is my brother, Edward. Edward, this is Bella's brother, Seth."

Finally, we shook hands. "Nice to meet you," Seth smiled politely.

"Nice to meet you too, man."

"It's so good to see you. Edward just moved to Seattle, so we all need to hang out and show him around," Emmett said.

"Yeah, that sounds great. Are you guys coming to Jake's birthday party next week?" Seth asked. I cringed inwardly at the mention of his name, but I kept a steady face. "I'll be back in town for it, and you know Bella will be there."

'_You know Bella will be there'?_

"Yeah, man. Of course. We're definitely coming."

"You should come too. I'm sure everyone would love to meet the other Cullen brother," Seth replied, smiling and gesturing towards me.

I smiled outwardly, but inside, my heart and mind were racing. "Sure. That sounds great."

'_You know Bella will be there'?_

"All right. I think that's my order coming. It was good to see you, man. Take care. And nice to meet you again." Seth shook both of our hands one last time before going around to the other end of the counter and picking up his order.

Emmett and I ordered our food and stood by to wait on it to come out, in complete silence. The tension was thick but I couldn't have cared any less. I kept running through their conversation over and over in my mind, thinking of all the ways and all the reasons why Seth would have said what he did. And the only explanation I could come up with was one that I wasn't willing to admit, even to myself.

When our food was ready, we took it to a table and sat down to eat it. Emmett still looked like he was just as stuck in his own mind as I was in mine.

But he was the first to speak. "You knew who he was, didn't you?" he asked.

I nodded. "He's Phil's son. He's Bella's stepbrother and Jake's best friend."

His eyebrows rose. "You know Jacob?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"That was some fucked up dream you had."

I nodded. "Yeah."

_**Day 32**_

"It's midnight on a Saturday night."

"I'm well-aware."

"And we're looking at sinks on the internet."

"I still haven't found the exact one that was in my bathroom."

"You're fucking nuts," Alice replied, stepping around the coffee table and practically throwing herself onto my couch in my hotel room. Her room was right next door, but of course, she almost never spent any time there.

She sat on her feet while drinking a glass of red wine and flipping through a bridal magazine while I kept searching on the internet for the exact type of sink that would go in my bathroom.

"What color were Rose's bridesmaids' dresses?" she asked.

"Black and white."

"I bet that was pretty."

I glanced up at her, over the rim of my reading glasses, smiling slightly. "You all looked beautiful."

"Did I wear my hair up?"

Thank God for the knock on the door that sounded right as the sentence left her lips.

"I'll get it!" Alice jumped up excitedly and raced to my hotel room door. "Wonder who it is? Jasper's already asleep… oh, shit. Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"It's for you."

Thinking that maybe the hotel had forgotten a package that came for me that day or maybe a message was left for me while I was gone during the afternoon, I rose from the arm chair and made my way towards the door. Alice's face held a little smirk as she watched me pad closer and closer to her and the open door.

She stepped aside and gave me a full view of the person standing in the door way.

_Bella._

Bella in a short black and white dress.

"Bella," I breathed.

"I'll just go back to my room so you two can… talk," Alice smiled, slipping past Bella and out into the hall. Behind Bella's back, Alice did an air thrust in Bella's direction and giggled quietly before running to her room next door.

But Bella's eyes never left mine. Her gaze was penetrating, and her smile was lovely. But her words….

Her words were unexpected.

"I'm drunk."

It's waiting for you

Knockin' at your door

Every moment of truth

When your heart hits the floor

Love, will, hold us together

Make us a shelter

to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brother's keeper

So the whole world will know

That we're not alone

This is the first, day of the rest of your life

This is the first, day of the rest of your life

'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light

It's gonna be alright

_Matt Maher - Hold Us Together_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: Bella's dress is on my profile, so is the one from the last chapter. I forgot to mention that last time.**

**Check out the Matt Maher song on YouTube. It's amazing. I'm in love with it. **

**See you in two weeks. **


	24. Friends

**A/N: An early update? I think this is a first for me. Actually, I know it is. Thanks to my beta, EE who doesn't get enough praise and attention from me. **

**Well, kids, it's time. Who is Bella's boyfriend? Hmmm...**

**P.S. Listen to "Someone Like You" by Adele as you read it. It's the chapter song this week and I listened to it over and over as I wrote this. Go ahead and open another tab and listen while you read. This is a long one, so sit back, relax and listen to Adele as you read this...**

* * *

_I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited._  
_But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it._  
_I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,_  
_That for me, it isn't over._

Chapter Twenty-Three: Friends

"You're what?"

"Drunk. Very, very drunk. I'm so just… drunk. Oh, god. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here. What am I doing here? I should go. I'm gonna go. I'm just gonna… I'll go. So sorry. Bye."

She waved at me as she stumbled slightly, trying her best to scurry away down the hotel corridor and towards the elevators. She tripped a little in her high heels but quickly grabbed ahold of the wall to steady herself. I smiled to myself as I followed after her, taking hold of her arm that was pressed against the wall. I must have scared her because she jumped which made her completely lose whatever balance she might have had, and she began to fall face forward. I swiftly grabbed both of her shoulders, spinning her around and catching her all in one swift motion.

She squeaked in surprise but leaned into me to steady herself, effectively pressing our bodies against one another's. She slowly raised her head until our eyes were locked. She looked so beautiful, even though her eyes were a little bloodshot and glassy, but still, they seemed even bluer than I remembered.

She tried standing up better which didn't end up working; in fact she started to only slip more. I grasped her tighter, which startled her yet again. "Whoa," she mumbled.

"Sorry. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks. I'm being really clumsy tonight…." She tried to straighten up again. She was staring at her feet, and when she was firmly planted on her own, she whipped her hair over her shoulder to look back up at me. Her scent… I had almost forgotten that too.

"_God_, you smell amazing…." I breathed.

Her body was still quite close to me, which she quickly recognized after she heard my whispered declaration and immediately pulled away from me, stumbling backwards.

"No, it's… it's these flowers," she said, gesturing to the small gold table on the other wall next to us that held a large arrangement of flowers. "It's the orchids. They… they smell good."

I stared at her in disbelief. Here she was, knocking on my hotel room door, which she had to have called someone to get, drunk and in a tiny fucking cocktail dress, looking just as amazing as anything I had ever seen and was doing nothing but pulling away from me. No matter how beautiful she was or how much I wanted her, loved her and desperately needed her, to see her pull away from me was worse than watching her walk away.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" I asked, frustrated beyond belief.

"I-I," she glanced from side to side in the small hallway and even behind her. "I, uh," she looked down at her feet, shuffling them slightly and drawing circles in the carpet with her black heels. "I'm, um…." she drowned out. She finally looked up at me and threw her hands down by her side. "I have no idea."

"How did you even-"

Before I could finish, she interrupted me and kept going. "I was just out with my brother Seth. You know, you met him yesterday? He told me how he saw you and Emmett at lunch and how…." her voice trailed off for a moment. "And how you recognized him before Emmett was even around. And then I got to thinking about all that you had told me. Well, really I've thought about nothing _but you_ for the past month. And I just need to ask you something and see you for just a second so I called Jasper and asked him what room number was yours, so here I am. Ta da."

My heart warmed when I heard her say she had been thinking about me for the past month.

"What did you need to ask me?"

"Uh, I need a drink first. Or two. Can I come in?"

"Of course. Yes. Please come in."

She walked past me (well more like stumbled) into the bedroom. I followed closely behind her in case she fell anymore, which she didn't. She sat on the couch while I walked to the mini-fridge.

"I'm sorry, I haven't been drinking much lately so I don't have a lot of alcohol. We have wine, but it's white…." I stated rummaging around the hotel room for any wine Alice might have left.

"And you know I only drink red."

"Yeah, I know," I said, picking up a bottle of Muscadine wine but it was empty.

"Of course you do," she mumbled. I stopped what I was doing to glance back at her when I realized what I'd said. I laughed nervously and held up the bottle of white wine. "White's fine. Thank you."

I poured her a glass and handed it to her. She turned it up, draining the entire glass before holding the empty glass out for me to pour her another.

"Bella-"

"Please, I need this."

I complied and poured her another glass. She took one sip before setting it next to her on the side table. I sat next to her on the couch on the other side, as far away from her as I could possibly get. I felt like being close might just hurt more.

"So…." she trailed, turning her body towards me and tucking one of her legs under her which she did often. "You look cute." I glanced down at my plain white V-neck t-shirt and blue plaid pajama pants. "I mean, you look nice. I like your pajamas. I mean… I'm assuming these are your pajamas. I obviously don't know what you wear to sleep in, but what you have on is nice. I mean… you look good in them. Jesus, what am I saying…?"

I laughed. She was nervous. I kind of liked her being nervous around me.

"Thank you. You look very beautiful tonight."

"Thanks. I'm kinda cold though."

I stood up and went to the closet, pulling out a fleece jacket of mine and handing it to her. She smiled and slipped it on over her dress. She snuggled into it nicely, pulling at the sleeves until her hands were almost completely covered by the jacket.

"Thank you," she smiled.

"You're welcome."

She lifted her sleeve-covered hand to her face and put her nose on it, breathing it in in one long breath. "It smells really good."

"It's the orchids," I smiled at her.

She chuckled. "Right." Her smile faded and her face turned serious. "I'm sorry about that outside. I got weird for a second, I know."

"It's okay. I understand. This… thing… well, it's weird."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Yeah, definitely."

"Totally."

It got quiet between us. Silence seemed like something we never really had much of between us, so I really didn't know what to think of it. Suddenly, she was nervous around me which I guess was a good thing, but I… I just wanted her to be comfortable with me and talk to me about whatever she was feeling and really open up to me about what she thought of me and all I had told her.

"So… you had something you wanted to ask me?" I finally asked her.

"Yeah, uh…." she took a long sip of her wine before asking me. "So you quit your job?"

_No secrets with this group of people._

"Uh, yeah I did."

"And you moved here?"

"Yep."

"You're building a house in Lincoln Estates?"

"Yeah, I am."

"And you're going back to school to be a music teacher?"

"These are a lot of questions," I chuckled.

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to…." her voice trailed and stopped. I thought maybe she would never finish her sentence but finally she whispered lowly, "I don't know what I'm trying to do."

"Yeah. I'm going to be working for the university while I go back to school. Hopefully it'll only take me a year to finish if I take a full load each semester and go during the summer."

"Then you're going to teach high school music?"

"Well, hopefully, if I can find a job. I want to keep going and eventually get my PHD in music. But I really want to start teaching it once I graduate."

"Why did you have to move here to do it? Why not just go to college in LA?"

"Well, my family's here. So are Alice and Rosalie and what few friends I do have. Plus, I like Seattle. I like living here."

She nodded her head, looking down at her lap thoughtfully. She finally whispered quietly still looking down, "So this is not all for me?"

I sighed, playing with the drawstring on my pants not looking at her either. "At first, yeah, it was. And a lot of the time I think to myself, 'what the hell am I doing?'. I had it all, and I gave it all up. But then I think about how happy I was, and how I'd give everything I have to be that happy again. So, here I am, trying my hardest to have everything I've ever wanted."

"And that includes me?" she asked me, looking up at me from under her eyelashes, her head still downcast.

"Well…." I smiled. "… I don't know. That's really not up to me."

"The thing you said about my dad that day in the hospital… about him being shot, ya know?" she asked. I nodded. "I've never told anybody that. No one. Not even Alice. I can't believe you knew that." I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything and let her continue. "For the past month, all I've been thinking about was everything you said. How you knew about my family and my likes and dislikes. I just couldn't understand it. And I just thought the only way you could have known any of that was if you were telling me the truth." I could actually feel my insides leaping for joy. "And I guess…." she let the last sentence hang there… and hang there… and hang there. _I was going to die._

"So we really had sex?" she asked.

I laughed and ran my hand over the top of my head nervously. "Uh, yeah."

"Like, a lot?"

I chuckled again. "Yeah." I felt my dick stir to life just talking about it. _Had it really been a month since I'd even had a hard on?_

"Wow. So you've, like, seen me naked?"

Yep, definitely hard. "Yeah."

"That's how you knew about the birthmark on the back of my leg."

"Uh, yeah."

"So you've seen me naked a lot then too, huh?"

I laughed. "Yeah."

"So you could like picture me naked anytime you wanted to just from memory, huh?"

"Bella… come on…."

"That's really not fair."

_Huh?_ "What?"

"Did we ever shower together?" she asked.

"Yeah, a lot actually."

"Did we ever do it in the shower?"

_Jesus, I'm never gonna get rid of this boner._ "Yeah. Sometimes…."

"Was it good?"

_Holy shit._ "Bella," I laughed. "How come you wanna talk about all of this now? Last time you wouldn't believe me and you kind of just… walked away from me?"

She sighed and took another sip of her wine. "I know. I'm sorry about all of that. It's just you were telling me all of these things back to back and it was so overwhelming. And after a while… after I thought about all that you had said and how you said it, I started thinking about what if all it was true, ya know? For the past month, it's been all I've thought about. I can't get it off my mind. I just want to know as much as I can."

"What do you mean '_how I said it'_?" I asked her.

"You told me after all that had happened in your apartment and you had been in the hospital for several days. You had nothing to lose, ya know? And the _way_ you said it… you didn't even have to think about any of it. You knew all of those things about me like they were regular, everyday stuff. Like what I like to eat during a movie or what perfume I use or what music I listen to in the shower. And the way you were looking at me…." she stopped talking and only shook her head looking down at her lap like before.

"How was I looking at you?" I prodded.

"The way you're looking at me now," she whispered, glancing up at me. "The way you looked at me when you saw me standing in the doorway just a minute ago." I looked down at my lap, watching my fingers play with my drawstring.

"I don't understand," I mumbled.

"When you look at me, what do you see?" I still didn't look up. I only shrugged my shoulders in response. "Do you see a girl you met a month ago in a hotel bar in Los Angeles with your family?" she whispered as she scooted closer to me on the couch. "Or do you see a girl you spent seven months with in Seattle?"

When I still didn't respond or even look at her, she moved closer to me until our knees were touching and all I could feel was the warmth from her body and all I could smell was her cotton candy scent. Slowly, she reached out her delicate hand, nails still painted black, and rested it on top of mine. The spark, the little feeling I got from just being near enough to her, sent spiraling jolts of complete euphoria down my entire body.

Finally, I looked at her, blue eyes and everything, and man, she was a lot closer than before. "I see a woman that will never understand what it feels like to love so deeply and not be loved in return."

She removed her hand from mine, and instantly, I felt horrible for what I had said. It grew silent again, and she wouldn't look at me. She stared straight ahead, barely even blinking. The only sound was our steady breathing and the ticking of a clock on the wall.

It was a lot harder to be around her and not hold her and kiss her the way I had been for so long. But just being close to her and talking to her made me crave her attention physically. My heart ached for her touch of any kind. This was torturous, bittersweet torture.

She finally spoke again. "When you look at me, I can tell that's what you see me as. How am I supposed to react to that? How is that supposed to make me feel?" she asked, her voice slightly raised.

"I don't know, Bella. I'm not you. I don't know how you should feel."

"Well, me neither! You know, you just unloaded on me all of this stuff without even thinking about me!"

"Wait, wait, wait. Excuse me?"

"You never thought for one second how any of this would make me feel! Did you ever stop and think that maybe I didn't _want_ to know all of this?" she was yelling, basically in my face. "Did you ever think that maybe you shouldn't have interrupted my life and royally _mind-fucked _me?" _Mind-fuck? _"Yeah! MIND-FUCKED ME! I can't stop thinking about it! I can't stop thinking about you and the whole situation and all I want is to go back to my normal life with my normal boyfriend and be happy in a perfectly normal way. But I can't because YOU'VE MIND-FUCKED THE HELL OUT OF ME!"

"Well I can't go back and undo it all."

"I realize that. I just wanted you to know that I don't appreciate it."

"Noted."

"And I'm mad as hell."

"Dually noted."

"Sorry for yelling."

"Sorry for the mind-fuck."

She finished off her glass of wine but never moved away from me. We stayed close to each other, barely touching but still touching nonetheless. It was quiet again, but only for a moment before she asked me, "Have you been seeing anyone?"

For some reason, that question stunned me, more so than all the others. "Uh, no. I kind of just want to get my shit together and figure everything out. I don't really want to date anyway."

"Yeah, I get it."

"Where's your boyfriend tonight?" I asked her. _I don't know why I just asked that. Like I give a shit about him._

She seemed just as stunned by my question. "Uh, he… he went out with Emmett actually."

Well, fuck, that stung.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. He's a really nice guy. You'd like him." _Stupid statement of the day award_. "You'll get to meet him at the party next week. You're still coming, right?"

_Can't fucking wait._ "Yeah, I guess so."

"Good." Silence again. "So how are things going with Alice? You've spent a lot of time together."

I smiled. "Yeah. It was annoying at first, but now… now I don't know what I'd do without her."

"You two are getting an apartment together?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Where are you moving to?"

"Alpine."

"Really? Rose and I live there!"

_Uh, what?_ "Really? Alice didn't mention that." _I'm gonna kill her_. "I won't be living there long though. Just until the house is done."

She nodded. "Congrats on that by the way. That's really awesome. I've always wanted to build my own house. Decorate and everything. That's really… that's really great."

"Thanks. I don't really know what I'm doing. I could always use some help."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I'd love your opinion."

"Oh. Ok."

"You know, I'd really like to talk to you. Just as friends, of course. I just don't get to see you much. Could I have your number?"

The whole sentence just sounded wrong and felt completely cheesy. I couldn't remember the last time I ever asked a girl for her number, and with Bella, I felt my nerves kick in and my body tense with anticipation and anxiety.

"Sure," she smiled.

It felt so good to see her smile. I immediately reached over beside me and grabbed my new phone that I had to get after I threw mine against the wall of my apartment and broke it into a million pieces. I watched her as she typed in her name and number then proceeded to call herself so she'd have my number as well.

"We can talk whenever you want to. If you ever need anything, please call me or text me." She was so nice. She really didn't have to be this nice to me, even if she just felt sorry for me.

"Same to you." I smiled. "If you get drunk again and want to come talk to me, call me first. I need a little time to change clothes and get a better bottle of wine."

She laughed. "I will. I promise." She stared at me for a few moments, still with a soft smile on her face. She didn't say anything, but the absence of her speech made me think she was thinking of something she couldn't say out loud. Her stare was intimidating. She was searching my eyes and watching me so carefully that I felt nervous again. Anxious. I wanted to fidget. I wanted to say something, but I was paralyzed. I could do nothing while she summed me up, from head to toe. I wished I could know her thoughts, know what she was feeling, know what she finally admitting to herself but just not out loud to me. When the spell was broken, she sighed, and for a moment it looked like she was about to cry.

"I need to get going."

"You don't need to drive home," I stated.

She stood up, brushing out the wrinkles in her dress. "I took a cab here. I'll just take one back."

"Let me drive you." I stood up as well, following her as she made her way towards the door.

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Bella, it's almost two in the morning."

"I'm fine. Really." She smiled, nodding at me reassuringly.

"Well, at least text me when you get home. Okay?"

She turned around to face me with her back against the door. I stopped abruptly, realizing I was a little too close to her. I was about to back away slightly until she took a step forward, and we were almost touching. She was so much shorter than me with her forehead almost touching my collarbones. But she was staring up at me, looking at me the same way she had been on the couch: searching… deciphering… debating.

"There was one thing we always did when there were moments like this where we didn't know what to say to each other and all we could do was look at one another and not really be able to express fully what we were thinking or even what we felt inside at that moment," I said all in one breath.

"Oh yeah?" she questioned, her breath so close that I felt it against the skin of my neck. "What was that?"

"We could always quote Dave lyrics." Slowly, a soft smile spread across her face, and I knew I'd give anything to see her smile like that. "_Oh look at how she listens. She says nothing of what she thinks_," I quoted softly.

She smiled and did the same, finishing my lines. "_She thinks, 'Hey, how did I come to this?'"_

I continued, "_I dream myself a thousand times around the world. But I can't get out of this place_."

And the tone between us shifted as she began to realize why I chose this song to say to her. Her smile faded and her eyes took a saddened turn. And even though I fought against my hollow stomach and its advances to change and take back everything I had just said, I held strong and waited on her to finish it.

In an almost whisper where she wouldn't even look at me, she finished, "_There's an emptiness inside her, and she'll do anything to fill it in_."

"Bella, I need to tell you something. I need to say it because I've been waiting too long to get the chance to and because I spent too long denying it. So when I have the chance, and when I have the nerve to say it, I'm going to. Without hesitating. And I want you to know that I don't expect you to say anything back or even reply at all. It's only something that I need to say for myself."

Her eyes locked on mine once again, still sad and soft. "Okay."

I smiled because I knew how good this would feel. I reached out to her hesitantly like she would run away any moment and gently cupped her face with one of my hands. I pressed my forehead against hers and let out a single breath while shutting my eyes as tightly as possible.

When I opened them again, I smiled once more and whispered, "I love you."

I truly believed I had wasted too much time at the beginning denying my feelings for her and not expressing what I knew I was feeling. So, I listened to her for weeks telling me she loved me over and over and begging silently for me to say it back. And now, here I was. Begging and pleading for the impossible, and saying to her what I _knew_ she was unable to say back. What I got, I deserved. And what I didn't was a miracle.

There was only silence from her. I knew there would be, but it still hurt… a lot more than I thought it would. So I attempted to back away from her. I was about to put my hand down when I felt little, delicate hands reach out and grip tightly the bottom of my shirt around my stomach so I wouldn't move away.

Her eyes were hard and determined as she asked me in a soft whisper that she breathed into my skin, "Can I kiss you?"

No matter how much I willed it not to, my heart swelled and expanded so much it felt like it might burst right out of my chest. But my mind… my goddamn mind knew what to say back.

I smiled at her even though I wanted to do nothing but cry. "Baby, there is nothing more in this world that I'd rather do than kiss you right now. But you're drunk. And when I kiss you… I mean, _really_ kiss you, I want you not to be tied down to anyone and not be inebriated." This was too hard to even get out. "And I don't want you to have to ask me if you can."

As soon as the words left, I wanted to take them back. I wanted to say screw all of it and kiss her until the pain left, for both of us. But I knew this was right. Kissing her would have been the wrong choice, even if it would have felt so, so right.

She looked hurt. I mean, truly hurt, but she didn't say anything. She just nodded her head and let go of me, stepping back and opening the door.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

There was nothing to be sorry over but I didn't reply.

I watched with a heavy heart as she walked out the door and down the hallway. I watched the space between us grow with every step she took away from me. I didn't want to leave it like that. I didn't want her walking away from me like I had rejected her because I most certainly had not.

So I stepped out into the hallway, making sure to hold open my door with my out-stretched hand.

"Bella!" I called out.

She spun around to look at me, still seeming dejected and completely miserable. "Yeah?"

"And if I would have kissed you then, I would never have been able to stop."

She finally smiled, a real genuine smile. She gave me a little wave and said, "Bye, Edward."

I smiled too, unable to stop myself and replied, "Bye."

I had barely even shut my door before my phone rang.

"So… what's up?" Alice asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Nothing. About to go to bed. What's up with you?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nothingggggggggggggggggggggg."

"I'll call you in the morning, Alice."

"Oh please tell me, Edward! Please! I'm gonna die if you don't tell me everything she said! !"

"Good night, Alice."

"What? Are you serious right now?"

"Night."

"Ugh!"

I hung up and got ready for bed. I cleaned up the hotel room as best I could and brushed my teeth and washed my face before getting into bed. I watched ESPN for about thirty minutes before my phone beeped with a text message.

_I made it home. Talk to you soon? – Bella_

_Yes. Very soon. Thanks for coming over tonight. Sleep well. – Edward_

_Thank you for everything. Sweet dreams. – Bella _

That night, my dreams were not as sweet as they once were.

"Why can't you take up golf or something?" Alice whined.

I swung the bat as the throwing machine launched toward me, sending the baseball hurling towards the furthest cushioned wall at the batting cages.

"Why?" I asked, setting up my stance once again.

"Because I could be out in the sun and it wouldn't be so…." I cut off her rant as I hit the next ball. The loud crack of the metal bat against the ball sounded in an echo throughout the entire gym. Even though we both had on earphones for the sound, it was still extremely loud. "… so fucking loud," she finished in a scream.

It had turned quiet in the gym just as she yelled that which made everyone else in the different cages turn and stare at her. She laughed nervously and turned a deep shade of red.

I laughed. "So why did you come with me?"

"I want to know how it went last night!" she screeched.

Right on time, my pocket buzzed with a text message. I stopped the pitching machine to take out my iPhone.

_Don't feel too good this morning. I'm thinking I might have made a fool of myself last night. – Bella_

I smiled, ignoring the smirk from Alice and the tapping of her high-heeled foot as I typed a response.

_Not too bad. I promise. – Edward_

"I'm pretty sure I haven't seen you smile like that in a month."

I put my phone back in my pocket and turned the machine back on. I got in my stance and replied to her without looking, "And I'm pretty sure that's not an appropriate outfit to be wearing to the batting cages."

She had on a frilly summer dress with all different colored flowers. It was short and light, and she had paired it with tall nude heels. And in her short spiky hair was a large headband with a huge pink and purple flower on the side of her head.

"Don't you change the subject. I…." I cut her off again as I swung the bat, and it cracked loudly over her voice, drowning her out completely.

She continued, "I want to know what happened!"

My phone buzzed again. "And I want to know why you didn't tell me she lives in the same apartment complex that we're moving into."

I took my phone out and glanced at it.

_What are you and Alice up to today? – Bella_

_Batting cages. She's a real natural. – Edward_

_Hahaha! I bet. – Bella_

"I didn't think it mattered."

I looked up at her. "Really, Alice? You didn't think it mattered?"

"Are you about done yet?"

I ignored her. "So it's okay for you to tell Bella everything that's going on with me, but you just so happen to leave out incredibly important details about her to me!"

"This is ridiculous! I try to help you and all I get is yelled at? Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuse me for caring so much. I'm going to sit in the car. It stinks in here!" She stormed off, her heels clicking the entire way out.

_I have a new respect for Jasper. – Edward_

I decided I had had enough for one afternoon so I packed up my stuff and turned in my key to the cage. As I was on my way out the door, a guy that had been in the cage beside me stepped forward and cut off me off.

"Your friend sure is a looker. And a bit of spitfire too," he smiled.

He looked about my dad's age but overweight and balding considerably. I frowned at him. "That's my sister."

His expression changed, and he abruptly stepped back from me. "Sorry. I-I didn't know."

"S' all right." I walked past him. I didn't get too far until I saw Alice standing against the wall next to the door. She smiled at me brightly and slipped her arm through mine as we made our way outside. She was looking up at me, still smiling broadly. "What?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing." We walked outside into the bright summer sun, arm in arm as she said again in a low voice, "Nothing at all."

The next day, we moved in.

And it was crowded. Really crowded.

"How many more are there?" I yelled as Alice lugged in two more _huge_ moving boxes.

"Don't… mess… with me," she panted as her little body maneuvered the large boxes around the kitchen and living room into her bedroom.

"Good Lord, we're only gonna be living here for three months!"

"I'll kill you! Shut up, skinhead!" she screamed at me from inside her room.

My hair was growing back. But it was still cropped really, _really_ short especially for me, but she still insisted on calling me skinhead all the time.

"Now," she stated as she came back into the living room, "there will be no chitty-chitty bang-bang unless the other is not home. We share a wall, and from the looks of this place, I don't see how the walls would be very thick."

"You won't have to worry about me, little one."

My phone buzzed in my pocket. Bella and I had texted all day yesterday and today just about… nothing really. We chatted, kind of like how friends do. It was nice. And maybe for a little while, it would be enough.

_All moved in? – Bella_

_Working on it. Are you here? – Edward_

_Almost. Anxious, are we? :) – Bella_

_Extremely. – Edward_

And sometimes we were flirtatious unlike "friends" usually were.

"Ohhhhhh look at that smile," Alice sang as she grabbed a Diet Coke from the refrigerator. I put my phone up and tried my best to stop smiling. "Bella and Edward sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-"

"I don't suggest finishing that, sweetie. Bella and Rose are on their way up," Jasper bent down to kiss Alice on the cheek as he carried in three more boxes.

"Three more? Oh my god!" I hollered.

"Don't start again." Alice warned, thrusting her little index finger in my chest as she and Jasper walked by me and carried the boxes to her bedroom.

"Yoo-hoo! Anyone home?" a soft voice called from the direction of the front door. The door was already open from moving things so I didn't even hear Rose and Bella walk in.

"God bless America, this place is a shithole," I heard Rose comment.

I turned around, looking at Bella as she walked in still wearing her scrubs with her hair pulled up in a side ponytail. She smiled at me as we made eye contact, and I instinctively walked up to her and wrapped her in a hug, kissing her cheek.

When I released her, the next thing I noticed was the horrible glare I was receiving from Rosalie. She had watched our exchange, and for some reason, she was obviously very unhappy about it. Her eyes were locked on my arms that were still holding Bella against me. Immediately, I released her and took a step back.

"Hey, Rosalie," I smiled.

She snarled at me. Like literally, _snarled _at me then went into Alice's bedroom where Alice and Jasper were. I couldn't understand it. Why didn't Rosalie like me all of a sudden?

"Don't worry about her. She just doesn't get it," Bella smiled at me reassuringly.

I couldn't think about it for too long with Bella smiling at me like that. So I shrugged and let it go. "Don't you look cute," I said as I flicked Bella's long ponytail with my hand, making it flop up then back down across her back.

She giggled and reached up to rub my head in one long stroke from the back of my neck all the way to my forehead. "You can't be making fun of anyone's hair!"

I grabbed her wrist roughly and reached out with my other hand to tickle her sides. She screeched with a loud giggle while wiggling out of my grasp and desperately trying to run away from me. I chased her around and over boxes, behind the couches and on top of tables trying to catch her. She was laughing the whole time, yelling at me to stop, but I only reached out for her further and ran after her faster.

The apartment was extremely small, but I chased her around the living room at least four times before I finally caught her with my arms wrapped tightly around her little waist. She doubled over and desperately tried to fight me off, but I had a good grip on her and nothing would ever have made me want to let go of her.

But I did. As soon as Rosalie walked in, gave me another stink eye look until I released her.

The next day, Tuesday, I went to Bella and Rosalie's apartment to get a light bulb. The lights around mine and Alice's bathroom (yes, unfortunately we shared a bathroom) were missing one bulb. I know, not _that_ big of a deal, right? Wrong. Alice needed _all _of the light bulbs to put on her makeup that morning before we left to go tile shopping for the house. So she begged me to go upstairs to their apartment to ask for a light bulb. They lived right above us in the top floor apartment.

I knocked lightly and was completely and utterly surprised when none other than a shirtless Blake Hale answered the door.

"Uh, hi," Blake said, looking just as surprised as I'm sure I looked. But definitely not for the same reasons.

And I couldn't help it at all. I smiled. I was so fucking happy to see him. He was my _absolute _best friend in the entire world, other than of course Bella. But even she could not compare to the friendship between Blake and I. I had missed him, and I hadn't even realized it until I saw him.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked. He was shirtless with black basketball shorts on and no shoes and his short blonde hair sticking up in all directions.

"Not much, man. Can I help you with something?"

Shit. Of course he didn't know me.

"Uh, I'm Edward Cullen. I live with Alice downstairs."

His face lit up, and he smiled broadly. "Holy shit, man." He slapped my hand and brought me into a brief hug where he just slapped my back. "What's up? I'm Rosalie's brother, Blake. It's really great to finally meet you."

"Yeah same here."

"Man, I've heard all about you. It's great you moved in downstairs. We'll be hanging out a lot from now on I'm sure," he smiled.

"Yeah, that sounds great. Um, are Rose and Bella here?" I asked, peeking over his shoulder to try to look inside. Everything was dark, and I wondered if maybe he was sleeping here, and I had woken him up.

"Uh, no actually. They're both at work. I was just about to doze off before I go to work tonight."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just needed to get a light bulb from them. Do you know where they keep them?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah. I think so. Hold on a second."

He left the door completely open as he ran back inside. I took one step inside and, holy shit, they're place was so much bigger than ours.

The ceilings were high and the living room was bigger than our whole apartment. The colors were pretty neutral at least from what I could tell with the lights off. And my god, the kitchen was HUGE!

I watched as Blake took off the lampshade on a lamp sitting on a side table next to their couch. He unscrewed the light bulb from it and placed the lampshade back. It titled some, but he whispered, "Ah, fuck it," and walked back over to the door. "Here ya go."

"Uh, are you sure?" I laughed.

"Yeah. Go right ahead."

"All right. Thanks. See you around."

"Yeah, nice to meet you." And he closed the door.

The rest of the day, I thought of all the things I could do to get to know _this_ Blake better.

On Wednesday, Alice and I went shopping. She had apparently had enough of doing things I wanted to do because of my "depression", but ever since Bella and I had started talking and even seeing each other for a short while every once and awhile, left me in a much better mood.

On Thursday, Bella and I went carpet and hardwood floor shopping. We had lunch, and it felt so good to spend the entire day with her once again. She had to go back into work that night so I didn't see her the rest of the day, but almost as soon as she was off, she texted me.

_You're still coming tomorrow night, right? – Bella_

_How many times do I have to say that I am before you finally believe me? :) – Edward_

_I just want to make sure. - Bella_

Going to Jacob's party was one of the last things I actually wanted to do, but it seemed important to everyone else especially Bella. Plus, Blake had stopped by on Wednesday and asked if I was going. He didn't seem too excited about it either, but he said he was getting dragged into it too.

So Friday night, around seven o'clock, Alice dressed me. I mean, literally. She dressed me from head to freaking toe. And I hated it.

"Are you kidding me, Alice?" I exclaimed standing in front of her with my arms spread out, giving her the entire view of my suit. "A pocket square? Really?"

"Pocket squares are cool."

"Pocket squares will _never_ be cool, Alice."

"Shut up. You're wearing it."

I was wearing a black suit with a plain white button down underneath with the first few unbuttoned. And in the small pocket on my jacket was a silk blue pocket square.

"You look hot," Alice smiled.

"I look like a douche."

"Hush. Here, wear these," she replied, throwing me a pair of black shoes.

"You look pretty. Really pretty," I smiled at her as I slipped on my shoes.

She had on a short black dress and tall silver pumps. She smiled brightly as she grabbed her purse off my bed and took my hand. "Thank you. Now let's go!"

His party was… well, extravagant. A little too much, if anyone asked me. I mean, he was turning… what? Twenty-five? Twenty-six? What was so great about that? It was in a ballroom of the Fairmont Hotel where Rosalie and Emmett would have had their reception. It was dark with all of the lights off except for a few small yellow track lights around the entire room. It was decorated lavishly which had obviously been done by professionals and must have cost quite a lot. I spotted the dance floor located in front of the stage which only had a DJ for now, and in the back was the bar and all in between were tables.

I felt good even though I could tell I hardly knew anyone there. Alice was right next to me, reassuring me and holding onto my arm like she was my date. And, man what I beautiful date I had. Jasper was there somewhere, and he would soon steal her away but for the moment, I felt confident and just like I belonged.

"I don't see her yet," Alice yelled over the music as she held her head as high so she could see around the room.

"I don't either." The faces were endless. And most I didn't know. "Let's get a drink."

"I'm gonna go find Jazz first. Get me a…."

"Vodka and cranberry. I gotcha." I smiled.

She squeezed my hand, giving me another reassuring smile before leaving me. I went to the bar and ordered just a coke for myself because I still didn't feel well enough to drink yet and also Alice's drink for her.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder then a body take a spot on the stool next to mine. I glanced over my shoulder and smiled as my once best friend ordered a beer right next to me. "What up?" Blake bellowed as he swiveled around until he was leaning his elbows on the bar behind him and facing the dance room.

"What up," I replied, paying for the drinks and sipping my coke.

"I can't believe I'm here right now. I hate this fucker. I mean, just look at him," Blake said as he motioned towards the dance floor.

I turned around in my seat until I was mirroring Blake's position and looked out into the crowd until my eyes fell upon Jacob, talking animatedly with Seth. He had on an all-white suit with a blue button-up and even white shoes. "Whatta asshole," Blake mumbled, taking a swig of his beer.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I murmured. "I mean, who let him get so close to my family?"

Blake chuckled. "I ask myself that all the time." He glanced down at the coke in my hand then back up at me. "You don't drink?"

"I do. I just haven't in a while. I was actually hospitalized w-"

He interrupted, "Yeah. Duh. I'm sorry, man. I heard about that. I'm stupid. I should have remembered. My fault."

"No. It's okay," I dismissed. "The doctor says I can drink again whenever I want to. I'm just scared of going overboard again."

"Right. Yeah. I understand." He was quiet for a moment before he added, "I'd hate to stick this thing out tonight without alcohol though."

I laughed. "Yeah. I might be breaking the streak tonight." He chuckled, nodding in agreement and taking another sip. "We should order some scotch and get on stage," I added, assessing his reaction out of the corner of my eye.

He looked at me directly with his eyebrows raised. "We should?" he asked in disbelief.

I nodded. "Yeah. Maybe sing a little 'Dixieland Delight'." I smiled.

He laughed heartily. "Oh man, we definitely should!"

He chuckled again while standing up and holding out his hand for me to shake. I shook it strongly before he started to walk off. "I'm gonna go find my girl. I'll see ya in a little bit. Nice pocket square by the way."

I didn't have time to reply before he was gone.

His girl?

Blake had a girlfriend?

I smiled. Good for him. If there was anyone who deserved to finally find someone, it was Blake.

I didn't have much time to myself before Alice was standing in front of me with Jacob, Jasper and Emmett around her. I stood up to hand Alice her drink and to shake Jasper and Emmett's hands.

"Edward, this is Jacob. He's a friend from college," Jasper introduced us.

Jacob stepped forward with his hand outstretched. "Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you," I said through gritted teeth, taking his hand.

"Jacob Black. Nice to meet you too."

"Happy Birthday."

"Thanks," he smiled. Dude was ugly. Sorry.

Suddenly, a tall, tanned girl with jet black hair stepped behind him and gripped his shoulder with a smile on her face. He glanced behind him, smiled back and took her hand. She stepped around him until she was by his side with his hands around her waist.

"And this is my girlfriend, Emily. Em, this is Edward Cullen, Emmett and Jasper's brother."

_Girlfriend?_ Okay, so if Jacob wasn't Bella's boyfriend then who was? I had had a month to think about it, prepare myself for who it might be. And I think in the back of my mind, I had always assumed it was Jake. But now…now I had no idea.

And now, I desperately needed to find out.

I greeted the tall, amazon looking woman then excused myself. I started to search for Bella. I looked around at the faces and the bodies but still couldn't find her. I even searched the dance floor though I really didn't think I could take watching her dance with some guy.

Then, like an answer from God, my phone vibrated.

_Scott Disick called. He wants his clothes back. – Bella _

I looked to my left. More faces, more bodies. But not the right one. I looked to my right. Still nothing. I looked in front of me. Absolutely nothing there either.

Then, a chill ran up my spine. I knew she was close.

Slowly, I turned around, and there she was standing in a tight metallic silver one-shoulder dress about twenty feet from me. I had never seen anything like her before. The dress was short, but she made it look even shorter with the tallest heels I had ever seen her wear on her feet. They were black with a platform then a tall skinny heel. Her hair was pulled back in a loose bun on the right side of her head tangling just over her shoulder.

She was smiling at me. It looked like she was almost laughing with her hands spread out from her body like she was saying, "here I am." She was standing on the outer edge of the dance floor with dancing blurs winding behind her, and it all felt like slow motion. I couldn't hear the music any longer or the talking around me. All I could feel was the fuzzy numbing sensation that started at my legs and travelled all the way up my entire body to my head. Goosebumps puckered over my skin as I stared at her, wishing for a different time and place and hoping for the now to be as right as it once was.

So I moved towards her, slowly, feeling myself smile at her. But then, something happened. And for once, I wished I had never laid eyes on her.

She had barely taken one step towards me whenever two long, strong arms wrapped around her waist and lifted her up. I stopped abruptly and my smile slipped from my lips completely. She giggled and gripped onto the arms in response. Slowly, she was set back down and the person behind her stepped into my view.

And I froze.

Blake smiled at her, told her something that made her laugh then reached up and brushed away a few stray hairs from her face. His hand stayed on her cheek as they migrated closer together.

I was stupid enough to think for a moment that they were just being friendly. _Please no please no please no._

And what felt like in slow motion, he closed his eyes, and she closed hers too. And they kissed.

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.  
I wish nothing but the best, for you too.  
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:  
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"  
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah._

_You'd know, how the time flies.  
Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.  
We were born and raised in a summer haze.  
Bound by the surprise of our glory days._

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.  
I wish nothing but the best for you too.  
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you say:-  
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead", yay._

_Nothing compares, no worries or cares.  
Regret's and mistakes they're memories made.  
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?_

_"Someone Like You"- by Adele_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: Oh my god! How could I do that to Edward? But good news!**

**For the first time EVER I will be offering a teaser for reviews for the next chapter, and trust me...it's a good one. It's already written. **

**Thank you for all your reviews. You blow me away. I love you. Truthfully. **

**P.S. Check out Adele. She's a genius, and she's like five minutes older than me which is amazing. **


	25. Done

**A/N: Three days late. You can thank this site for that.**

**Thanks go to my beta, who is quick and thorough and says this made her cry. I am very sorry for that. Some of you say you hate me, some of you love me, some say I'm evil. But all of you seem to agree that I've put Edward through enough. Well, I disagree. Let's see what I come up with next. **

**Also, I'm looking for pre-readers. Two maybe? PM me if you're interested. I always like feedback.**

**Alright, Edward, tell us how you feel...**

_Didn't I give it all?  
Tried my best,  
Gave you everything I had,  
Everything and no less,  
Didn't I do it right?  
Did I let you down?_

_Still, how can you walk away,  
From all my tears?  
It's gonna be an empty road,  
Without me right here._

Chapter Twenty-Four: Done

It was like I had been punched in the gut.

That was the only way to accurately describe what it felt like to watch my best friend kiss the only girl I had ever loved. While watching them continue to kiss, my mind wandered back to all those times they had fought like brother and sister over stupid things like what movie we watched or who ate the last fudgesicle. I thought of all the times they picked on each other and nagged each other like best friends would or how they would laugh and joke around about actually _being_ attracted to each other. Then, a new question surfaced to my brain… had they been attracted to each other this whole time?

Blake's favorite thing to do was to joke around with me about Bella being hot, but I had always assumed it was to get a rise out of me. But what if he had been serious? What if he had had feelings for Bella that whole time?

What if….

I wanted to puke. I felt physically ill as I could do nothing but watch them kiss and be completely wrapped up in one another. The most natural reaction I could have had was to be utterly pissed off, but for some reason, I wasn't. I was just thoroughly… sick. I was starting to sweat a lot as I continued to force down my dinner by swallowing over and over again.

They finally broke away from each other with Blake's hands still framing her face and her small hands gripping the bottom of his shirt like she had done to me not but five days prior. Slowly, they opened their eyes and smiled at each other. I was definitely going to be sick at any moment. I felt like screaming, but I clamped my lips shut as tight as I could until it was on the verge of being painful.

Bella's head jerked in my direction to see if I was still standing in the same spot. My legs were locked so tightly that I didn't think anything would ever be strong enough to make me move. Her smile widened when she saw me, and she took one of Blake's hands from her face and intertwined their fingers. His gaze never strayed from her face.

She said something to him, still smiling proudly and led him towards my direction. Then, finally, came my instinct to run. Run as far away from all of this as I could. And the overwhelming feeling to be sick came back once again.

Suddenly, they were in front of me. They didn't look the same to me. Not anymore.

Bella was smiling so brightly. "Edward! I wanted you to meet Blake Hale, my boyfriend."

I was definitely going to be sick. I swallowed again.

Blake chuckled, snaking his arm around her waist and pulling her close to his chest. "We've met, baby," he laughed. "We're best friends now," he smiled at me and offered his hand. The hand that had just been on Bella's cheek as he kissed her.

I could only stare at them. They truly looked different to me. I was so, so wrong. These were not the same people from my dream. I shut my eyes tightly, willing away any tears that I could feel burning to the surface. I shook my head and took a long breath.

When I opened my eyes again, they were both looking at me questioningly.

"I'm sorry. Will you both excuse me for a moment?" I asked, but I wasn't even around to hear their response. I needed air. I needed clarity. I needed some space. And I desperately needed to be sick.

I rushed out of the ballroom and down the hallway to the men's room. Luckily no one was in there, so I quickly locked the door and ran into the first stall just in time to vomit violently into the toilet. Over and over I heaved until there was nothing left. And even then, I continued to choke and try to spit whatever I could out. Someone was knocking at the door and trying to push it open, but I ignored it as I heaved again and again.

I fell to my knees when it became too hard for me to hold myself up. And I started to cry through the choking while my eyes burned, and I tried blinking the tears away but it was no use. They were stinging my eyes so badly, I couldn't help but cry harder.

The pounding on the door continued, but I still couldn't answer through my tears and choking. Sweat continued to pour from me and mix in with the tears that rolled down my cheeks. I was panting from all of the exertion of vomiting when I finally finished heaving.

I spit a few more times before flushing and lifting myself off the floor. The pounding on the door had finally ceased as I washed my hands and face in the bathroom sink, running some water through my buzzed hair and finally glad for once to have short hair.

I turned off the water and stood up with my hands supporting my weight on the counter in front of me. Slowly, I lifted my head and stared straight ahead at my reflection in front of me. Who was this mess in front of me now? With red, glassy eyes and no hair? Sweaty and sick and disgusting? Who was this person that could think of nothing more than how much I needed a drink?

I desperately needed out of there. I was going to take a page out of Bella's book and run far away.

I threw away the paper towels I had used, unlocked the door and threw it open. I couldn't even take a step until I found a frazzled Alice standing in front of me.

I sighed and stepped past her. "Not now, Alice."

"What are you doing?" she followed after me, almost yelling. "Where are you going? What happened?"

I stopped abruptly and spun around, catching her off guard as she stumbled backwards when I approached her closer. I pointed in her face, yelling as well, "Why didn't you tell me it was Blake?"

Her eyes widened, then she immediately frowned. "What are you talking about?" she yelled right back at me.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BLAKE WAS HER BOYFRIEND!" I screamed, my voice even scaring me.

I saw her glance behind me on either side to make sure no one was around. No one must have been because she yelled right back at me. "What are you talking about? How do you even know Blake?" I let out a long, loud cry while running a hand over my head roughly. My whole body was shaking, and Alice was looking more worried than pissed off all of a sudden. "What does it matter if it's Blake?"

My eyes almost popped right out of my head. I hadn't yet told her _everything_. "He was my best friend, Alice! MY BEST FRIEND! He lived with us! They were like brother and sister! They were almost as close as him and I were!"

She only stood there stunned and listened as I continued to shout at her.

"How does this… _Jesus,_" I took a long breath to calm myself. "How does this even happen?" I asked her.

"How does what happen?"

"How does that…." I pointed to the door that led to the ballroom. "… in there happen? The two of them… how did they…." I couldn't even talk.

She shut her eyes briefly, shaking her head and letting a few tears escape down her pretty porcelain face. It was hard to see Alice cry. She looked so young… like a little girl who didn't know how to handle someone close to her dying. That's how she seemed… with her bottom lip quivering and her cheeks turning a soft shade of pink. But when she was ready, she opened her eyes and told me the story.

"They started dating almost as soon as they met freshmen year. But then, they broke up because there really wasn't anything there. Like you said, they were more like brother and sister. So, she started dating this friend of Emmett's, Jacob, you met him tonight? Anyway, Blake hated him. And after a year of them dating, Bella found out Jacob had been cheating on her for months. She was… very upset. For a long time. And for months she wouldn't come around any of us or go out at all. So after a while, Blake started checking up on her. He helped her through all of it. He was _there_ for her. And about a year later, one day… they just decided to take it to the next level again," she shrugged.

"So how long have they been together?" I asked.

Alice bit her lip and looked down. She whispered something so soft there was absolutely no way I could have heard her.

"What?" I asked, stepping closer to her.

She looked back up at me and sighed. "Two years. They've been together two years."

_Two years? _

_Two years?_

I felt like I would be sick again. This wasn't at all what I thought it'd be. I thought I could do this. I thought this would be so much simpler. I thought I could just swoop in and show her how much better I was for her and how much she meant to me, and that would be enough for her to forget about her "boyfriend." But this wasn't just anybody. This was Blake. And this was someone I couldn't do that to.

"So she loves him? And he loves her?" I asked. My tears were gone. Now I was just mad.

Alice shook her head sadly and whispered, "Edward, please…."

"Alice! TELL ME!" I shouted.

"Yes! Of course! But-"

"I thought… I thought I could do this. I thought I could try to win her over if she was dating some douchebag asshole who was nothing but a jerk to her, who she really could never, _ever_ love. I thought I could do this if I _knew_ I was better than this guy…."

My voice softened, and before I knew it, I felt a tear trickle down my cheek.

"But this is _Blake_!" I yelled. "This isn't some asshole. This is my _best friend_, Alice!"

"Edward…." she whispered sadly.

"I'm done," I replied, and I started walking away from her once again. "I'm so… so done."

"What do you mean, you're done?" she called, running right after me.

"I mean exactly what I said. I'm done, Alice. I can't do this anymore. This isn't right."

"Are you serious right now?" Alice cried, trying her best to catch up beside me.

I stopped quickly and let her catch up. I looked her right the eye and said, "Fuck this." I started walking again but much slower. "I can't do this."

"So that's it?" Alice yelled from behind me. "You're just gonna walk away?"

"Yep," I replied and kept walking away even though I didn't hear her small, soft footsteps behind me.

"You're just gonna walk away when things start to get tough? You're just gonna quit like that, huh?"

"No… no… NO." I turned around and found Alice several feet behind me, standing still and not making any sort of move to follow me again. "Things have _been _tough for me. This is just the final straw. I can't do this, Alice," I yelled as I walked closer to her. "I'm not better than him. Not at all! Why would she want me when she has him? She's happy! He's happy! So who am I to take that away from two people that I care so deeply about? What kind of person would that make me if I tore them apart? They're in _love_ with each other, Alice!"

"I know, Edward, but-"

"No! There's nothing else! That's it."

"That's not it! LISTEN TO ME!" she screamed, her fists clenched tightly by her sides. Her chest rose and fell quickly as she attempted to calm herself down. I stopped and decided to at least hear her out even though, deep down, I knew it wouldn't change anything, especially the simple fact that Blake was my friend and now Bella's boyfriend. "Just listen to me, okay?" she asked, her voice much softer.

"Okay," I nodded.

"Bella is my best friend. And I will always want what's best for her. And I consider you to be my family. And I love Blake. He loves her so much, and that's all I could ever ask of him. But… _but_," she emphasized. "I know… in my heart that you and Bella are meant to be together. Don't ask me how I know because I couldn't tell you. I just _do_."

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, not a text but a phone call. I didn't even need to look at it.

"So Bella's not a virgin?" I whispered. I wasn't sure why it was such an important question for me to ask. I knew I had been her one and only, and now, it just didn't even seem like a possibility especially when she had been dating Jacob AND Blake.

Alice looked at me sadly but made no attempt to answer me. Her nonresponse was heard loud and clear.

I nodded and took one step back. "Okay, well, I'm going to go home now."

She stepped forward and held out her hand for me. "Please, don't. Come back in with me. We can go do this together. I won't leave your side."

"I'm sorry, Alice," I replied and turned around, leaving Alice's hand still outstretched and waiting.

I was almost out of the double doors when I heard someone else's voice, a familiar soft one, call out my name. For this voice, I stopped, my hands holding the brass door handles just about to push forward. But instead, I glanced over my shoulder to see Bella standing a few feet behind me and Alice standing right behind her, both looking at me, brows furrowed and questioning eyes.

"Are you leaving?" she asked.

I faced her but made no move to get closer to her. "Uh, yeah. I'm not feeling well."

It wasn't a total lie.

"Oh, okay," she frowned. She glanced down at her feet for a moment before she looked back up at me. "Was it something I did?" she asked.

I sighed. "I'll call you later, Bella." I looked past her at Alice. "I'll see you at home, Alice."

And I left.

* * *

The next day I had a visitor. Someone I hadn't seen in a long time. Someone very important to me.

My mom.

"I know it's a lot smaller than your old apartment, but I like it so much better!" she smiled as we stood in my kitchen sharing a pot of tea.

"You only like it better because it's closer to you," I laughed, taking a sip.

She laughed too and nodded. "That's exactly right."

She slid her long, slender arms around my waist and rested her head over my heart, squeezing me tightly in a hug. It took me off guard for a moment; I hadn't even realized how long it had been since I had had a _real_ hug. But I recovered and hugged her back, resting my arms on her shoulders.

"I feel like I have my baby back," she sniffed, her voice cracking.

"Ma, come on," I soothed her, rubbing small circles in her back as she shook with soft sobs.

"I just want you to be happy," she cried against my chest.

"I _am _happy, Ma," I replied.

She shook her head slightly. "No, you're not," she protested, still crying.

"Why are you crying?" I chuckled, still rubbing her back.

"I don't know!" she cried harder, her shoulders shaking after each sob escaped her.

Laughing softly still, I held her for a while until she quit crying and was left only sniffling. She patted my lower back a couple of times before she broke away from me and reached in her purse to gather a few tissues. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose quietly like a lady should then smiled up at me through watery eyes.

"I'm ready whenever you are," she said.

"Okay, let me go grab my phone, then we can go," I replied.

I went into my bedroom and took my phone from the charger. I unlocked the screen to make sure I didn't have any missed calls or messages before putting it in my pocket.

There were two missed calls from just this morning. The first was from Bella. The second was from a number I didn't know.

Ignoring the first call, I called the second number back. A man answered.

"Hello?" the voice was rough and seemed familiar.

"Yes, this is Edward. I think someone tried to call me from this number."

"Yeah, man. What's up? It's Blake. Emmett gave me your number," he answered. My shock must have lasted for longer than I realized, because Blake said, "Hello? Ya there?"

I coughed and sat on the edge of my bed. "Yeah, sorry. What's up, Blake?"

"Not much. I was just seeing what you were doing today? Bella has to work, and I'm bored as hell," he replied.

I let out a small sigh, looking towards the door of my bedroom right as Mom looked in, obviously wanting me to hurry. "Well, actually my mom and I were going to go down to my contractor's office and look at the floor plans of my house a little better, then we were going to buy a few things to put in my office at the university…."

He started talking after I said 'my house'. "Oh! You're building a house? I'd love to see the plans!"

I wanted to groan, but I didn't. I rolled my eyes instead. Not because I didn't want to hang out with Blake, but because I didn't want to hang out with Bella's _boyfriend_. Contradictory, I realized, but also honest.

"Oh. Okay. If you want, you're more than welcome to come with us."

I hoped the sentence sounded more sincere than how it felt.

"Yeah! Okay! I'll be right down," and he hung up.

_He'll be right down?_ _Jesus_….

This time I did groan while I rubbed my hand over my face several times.

He had stayed with her last night.

"Who was that?" Mom asked me from inside the doorway.

"Blake Hale. He's coming with us," I replied.

Her caramel eyes lit up with excitement as a wide, beautiful smile encased her lips. "Blake's coming? How wonderful!"

Less than two minutes later, Blake was knocking at my apartment door. Mom all but sprinted to answer it. I heard her squeal then Blake's booming voice say, "Esme Wammy!"

_Everyone loves this kid,_ I thought bitterly to myself as I grabbed my keys and followed them out the door.

* * *

The meeting with the contractors was weird. Very weird. My mother and Blake both had a lot of input which actually helped me in remembering exactly how the house was laid out to begin with. I wondered to myself if they had been there with me the first time to come up with the plans. Blake suggested columns leading into the living room, and my mother thought of adding another staircase at the back of the house, something very important that I had forgotten about completely.

Listening to their suggestions and helpful tips made me realize how much I was forgetting. And not just about the house… but everything. It had been too long since I'd hung out with my friends or danced with Bella. I hadn't shared a beer with my dad or beat Blake's ass in NCAA Football. I was even forgetting how Bella smelled and tasted and _felt_.

It had been a really long time since I'd slept with her.

And I was forgetting her. As much as I fought against it, I was.

We went to lunch afterwards where we sat outside on a covered patio while a rare warm, sunny day in Seattle watched over us.

"I'm so glad you boys are becoming friends. I've always thought the two of you would hit it off," Mom smiled at us before taking a bite of her salad.

"Well, this only our second date, but it looks promising," Blake grinned, shoving a fry into his mouth.

I chuckled and shook my head.

"How's Bella, Blake? Still as sweet and as beautiful as ever?" Mom asked, still smiling brightly.

I wanted to roll my eyes because even though we weren't together, Bella still had Esme eating out of the palm of her hand.

Blake smiled back, setting down his burger to wipe his greasy fingers. "She's just fine. Keeping me on my toes all the time."

_Inward eye-roll._

"So she and Rosalie live in the apartment above Alice and Edward?"

He nodded. "Yes, they do… for now. Next month, after Rose and Em get married, I'll be moving my stuff in."

I choked on my club sandwich and ended up spitting a few crumbs onto my plate. Both of their eyes immediately shot in my direction and observed me carefully. I took several gulps of my water and swallowed the rest of my food.

"So you and Bella will be living together?" Mom asked, her smile gone from her face and pretending like I hadn't just coughed up a lung after what he had just announced.

Blake, seemingly unfazed, still smiled and nodded. "Yes ma'am."

Blake's phone rang in the next moment, some rap song saying something about '_get these hoes up off of me',_ which made him smile wider when viewing the screen.

"Hey, baby," he answered.

My stomach turned, and I pushed my plate further away from me on the table.

Mom laid her hand gently on my knee under the table and patted it softly. In the corner of my eye, I noticed her watching me and looking at me like the sad individual that I was, but I ignored it. I didn't look back at her. I just threw my napkin in my plate and pushed it even further away. I was done… in every sense of the word.

After lunch, I took them both to my office at the university. I was starting work next week so I really needed to make sure everything was straightened out in there.

"So you'll be teaching class every day?" my mom asked me as we stood in the incredibly small office they had given me.

I shook my head. "I have classes in the morning and afternoon on Tuesdays and Thursdays, then I have a night class on Wednesdays. I don't teach at all on Mondays and Fridays. But I'm taking two classes on Wednesday afternoons for my degree, then the rest are online."

"Then why does it say Monday-Friday on the door?" Blake asked.

"I still have to keep office hours on Mondays and Fridays."

"So you just have to sit here and wait on somebody to come in?"

"Oh, I'm sure he'll have lots to do," Mom smiled at me. "Like grading papers and reading emails from students…."

"And having 'appointments' with female students," Blake wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"Edward, really, those girls are much too young for you," Mom reasoned.

"They're not _that_ much younger," he protested. "I was in college just a couple of years ago."

"Try _five_ years ago, honey," Mom smiled, patting him on the back.

He looked at her incredulously. "No way. It was only three years ago."

"Yeah, only because it took him two extra years to finish," I laughed.

"Hey, fuck you, over-achiever," he pointed at me.

Mom huffed, rolled her eyes and walked right out of the room, expecting us to follow her. I looked at Blake who shrugged nonchalantly, grinned at me and threw his arm lazily around my shoulders as we followed behind Esme Wammy.

* * *

"Lift with your legs, Crazy Carl," Blake ordered as the two of them carried in a heavy, oak-stained desk that had originally been in my L.A. office and was now the only piece of furniture that could fit in my college office.

"I don't have a tight enough grip on it," my dad replied through gritted teeth as they tried to maneuver the desk through the door frame without chipping it.

Blake chuckled under his own strained breath as he pushed, holding onto the bottom while bent at the knees. "That's what she…." he was cut off by his phone ringing in his pocket. That same song of '_get these hoes up off of me'_ played loudly throughout the hallway. "Shit. Edward, reach in my pocket and get my phone out."

"No way, man."

"Yeah, come on. It's in my right front pocket."

"Fuck you."

It started ringing again.

"COME ON!"

"Okay!"

I set down the two boxes I had been holding in the hallway next to the door where Blake and my dad were still trying to work the desk into the door. I slowly slid my hand into Blake's jean pocket being as careful as I could not to touch his body. It was pretty hard not to since his jeans weren't exactly loose on his muscular frame, but I thrust my hand in there as quickly as I could and grabbed his phone, then slipped my hand out just as quickly.

I glanced at the phone's lit up screen.

"It's Bella," I stated. Actually, the name was 'Baby Bella'. Gag.

"Answer it," he replied, still mostly concentrating on the huge piece of furniture halfway in and halfway out of my office.

"I-I don't want to."

"Just see what she wants," he said breathily as he pushed. I could hear the faint murmuring of Carlisle cursing from inside the room.

I sighed, but it did no good. I could still feel my pulse quicken as I lifted the phone to my ear and answered it.

"Uh, hello?"

"Hey, babe. Are you at your apartment? I think I left my black see-through bra there from yesterday. I can't find it anywhere…." her voice trailed while I heard things slamming in the background.

"Uh, hey. This is Edward. Blake has his hands full so I answered his phone."

Silence.

No more slamming of drawers or rustling of clothes.

Silence.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey. Yeah. I'm sorry. I thought you were-"

"I know," I laughed.

She sounded so nervous. Why was this so weird?

More silence.

"So, yeah. I'll get Blake to call you back."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Not a problem. Bye, Bella."

"Bye, Edward."

I was still chuckling to myself as I ended the call and walked into the room where Carlisle and Blake were both leaning on my desk which was now situated in the very center of the room. Blake looked up at me as I walked in.

"What'd she want?" he asked, holding out his hand for his phone.

I gave it to him and smiled. "She just wanted you."

* * *

"Maybe this isn't a good idea."

"This is the _best_ idea so far," I replied as Blake and I walked into the large double doors.

"Alice is going to kill you."

"Trust me," I smiled. "She won't."

"Can I help you?" the older gentlemen behind the desk greeted us with a gruff voice.

"Yes, I called about the chocolate lab puppies," I stated.

* * *

"Uh, what is that?" Alice asked as she walked into our apartment that night and pointed to where Blake and I were sitting in the floor, but her finger was targeted to the little ball of dark brown fuzz that bounced around unsteadily on the floor beside us.

"It's a puppy!" Blake exclaimed, rolling a little tennis ball back and forth, watching as the little fur ball scurried to each side.

"What's it doing here?"

"I bought it," I smiled. "I bought _her_," I corrected.

"Why?"

"Edward needs a woman in his life besides you," Blake replied.

Alice quirked a perfectly penciled eyebrow at me. I chuckled and shook my head. "I just wanted a puppy. I'll take care of her. She'll stay out of your way, I promise."

Alice stepped closer to us slowly. Little brown ears twitched up, then she immediately bounced over to Alice, tennis ball and Blake completely forgotten, and stood on her back legs to scratch up Alice's jean-covered legs. A little pink sliver of tongue hung from her mouth as she whined a little until Alice squatted in front of her.

Alice laughed and reached out to pet her head. The cries stopped instantly.

"Awww," she cooed. "Well, I guess she can stay."

Blake and I looked at each other and smiled.

"What's her name?" Alice asked.

"Brody."

"That's a boy's name."

"I don't care."

* * *

Two days later, I did the unthinkable.

I took Alice with me to Macy's.

"We are on a mission. Don't get distracted," I stated as we walked from the parking deck to the sliding doors.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"It's in a clear glass bottle with a pink top."

"I can't believe you don't know the name of it."

"It doesn't have the name on it. I've checked before."

"Why don't I just call her and ask her? I'll tell her I want to buy some for myself?"

"And when she doesn't smell it on you or if she asks to borrow it when she runs out, what will you say?"

Alice frowned. "That's true."

"Okay. Focus."

We walked around the Macy's perfume counters, smelling samples and looking at all the bottles that were laid out in front of us. Searching for the one scent I had missed so much. If I could just smell it once, maybe put some on my wrist for the day, I would be okay.

"Why don't you answer her phone calls, Edward? She says she keeps trying to get in touch with you but you won't answer her," Alice asked me sadly.

I shrugged. "I don't know what to say to her."

"So you can be friends with Blake, but you can't be friends with her?"

"It's easier with Blake. With her, I can't even look at her without feeling like I did the night of that party."

"How would you know? You haven't even seen her since then?"

"Look, Alice. Just leave it alone, okay? I told you. I'm done," I said firmly.

"So, you don't love her anymore?"

"Alice. Leave. It. Alone."

She put her hand up. "Okay, okay." Her eyes lit up suddenly, and she reached out to the counter beside me. "This is it."

She handed me the little glass bottle, holding it out with her thumb and index finger. I took the top off of it delicately and sniffed the top. And suddenly, I was back.

Flashes of fireplaces at Christmas time, our first date and dancing on the pier, tumbling outside the fraternity house drunk, walking her down the aisle at Emmett's wedding, tickling her when she would steal my reading glasses, telling her I loved her when I made love to for the first time and asking her to marry me.

I opened my eyes and looked at Alice.

"I'm buying this."

* * *

That weekend, on Friday, we all went out to Mugshots to celebrate the start of my new job. Everyone was finally together for the first time in a long time. Emmett and Jasper finally had a night off at the hospital, and even Rosalie seemed somewhat happy to be there, despite it being all about a celebration for me. Of course, Alice and Blake were there, and with them were a lot of their friends, all of whom I knew from the wedding.

However, none of them had a clue who I was.

Feltman, Shally, Flippo, Derrick, Spencer, Jacob and Seth were all there. Blake took me around to everyone introducing me as 'Emmett and Jasper's brother' and saying that I was 'cool as shit.' Just as I suspected or more along lines of _knew_ that I would, we all just sort of _fit_ together. The way we talked, acted and drank together was just as it had been months ago. It was like I was almost back in the dream, back to where I remembered.

But when Bella showed up, looking radiant in a short, floral summer dress and nude open-toe pumps, and immediately sought out Blake to kiss him and hug him to let him know she had arrived, I knew I wasn't back. I felt stupid for even thinking it.

Blake, Shally, Flip, Emmett, Jasper and I were all sitting at a high-top table when Bella came over to greet Blake. She acknowledged everyone, hugging the ones she hadn't seen in a while and letting Emmett and Jasper kiss her on the cheek with a brief hug. She didn't come to me though. Blake lingered with his hand wrapped around her waist, whispering something in her ear that made her giggle and close her eyes briefly. When they opened again, her eyes were on me, a dead-lock stare like she knew I was watching their exchange with rapt attention. She gave me a half-smile, kind of how you give someone you've only met once or twice where you're not sure if you should fully say hi or not because you don't know if they even remember meeting you.

It hurt, but I smiled back, a full friendly 'hi, I wish this wasn't weird' smile. She said she needed a drink, then she left to find her friends and the nearest alcohol.

But not everything was the same as it had once been between everyone else and I. Like the bridesmaids, some of Bella's friends, were very blatantly flirting with me.

Some of their names, I remembered, but most I didn't. There was especially one girl, Rachel, I think. She was pretty. She had a warm smile, darkish blonde hair and brown eyes. I was introduced to her by Blake, right along with everyone else, and she really hadn't left my side very long except to get a drink or two from the bar.

Most of the girls were dancing, though, like always. And just in regular Mugshot-style, the music was mostly eclectic classics along with some easy rock hits that everyone knew. It was nice to watch the girls sway back and forth and hold hands and belt out every word as drunkly and as loud as possible.

I had missed this. And I hadn't realized how much, until I was there.

"Want a drink?" Blake asked me as he stood from the table. I was still in my non-drinking state, nursing a lukewarm Coke.

"Uh, yeah. Maybe just a beer though. No hard liquor," I replied.

"All right. I'll be right back."

About two hours later, I was four beers in and was feeling pretty good since I hadn't drank in so long. But I decided to stop since I was starting to feel it. I didn't want to push it too much.

"I gotta pee, you comin'?" Shally asked me lazily as he grabbed me by the elbow.

He was quite lit, but I really did have to pee so I let him lead me to the back of the bar where the restrooms were.

On our way out, in the dark hallway, I lost Shally. He was too far ahead of me, and before I could take another minute to search for him, I felt two small hands give me a push into the wall.

"What the fuck," I whispered under my breath.

A head of shiny, brown locks slowly appeared from beneath the shadows. The head rose a little at a time until two deep blue eyes met mine.

"Why have you been ignoring me?" she accused angrily. I knew her. And I could most certainly tell when she was drunk. She was beyond drunk. Drunker than drunk.

"I only saw you for like a second tonight," I replied.

"I don't mean tonight," she all but yelled back at me. "I mean, I've been calling you and texting you all week, and you haven't answered me at all!"

This wasn't exactly the ideal place to have this conversation, but it didn't look like we had much of a choice.

"I've been really busy with getting ready to start my new job and school and everything…."

"But you have plenty of time to hang out with everyone else, just not me."

A reaction, good or bad, was at least somewhat of a good sign from her, right?

"Is this about Blake?" She kept going, leaving me no time to reply. "Because ever since I introduced you two, you've been acting weird. Blake's a good guy, you know. He's nice, and he's really, really good to me-"

I interrupted her there. "I know!"

He _was_ nice. He _was _a good guy. He _was_ good to her. He _was_ in love with her. That was exactly the problem.

And right then, she knew. She finally got it. The light of understanding flickered in her eyes, and I didn't need to explain anymore to her. She just knew.

"I still wanna be friends," she whispered, no longer angry.

"I know you do. And I want that too. It's just when I look at you…."

And I couldn't even finish the sentence. There wasn't a way to fully describe how I felt just looking at her. She made me hurt. She made me hurt all over, from head to toe, from the inside out. Looking at her, speaking to her, hearing her, smelling her, everything gave me this feeling. A feeling I couldn't adequately describe to anyone else, especially her.

"So you can be friends with Blake, but not me?"

She kept getting closer to me. She was close enough for me to feel the heat from her body. I could smell her breath, even though it was only hitting my neck, despite her three-inch pumps. It smelled of blueberries. I knew what she was drinking. She always loved Blue Motherfuckers.

"If we try to be friends, Bella, please don't ask me to kiss you again, okay?"

A slow, wide smile spread across her face. God, she was beautiful.

"Deal."

She switched her drink into her left hand and held out her right hand in what little space was between us. I shook it, ignoring the pain in my hand and heart, and smiled as true of a smile as I could muster.

"Deal."

Another hour later, I was sitting at a table with Shally, Jasper and Alice. Jasper and Shally were in a deep conversation beside me, but I was completely ignoring them. I couldn't take my eyes off of Bella and Blake dancing.

Hootie and the Blowfish's _Only Wanna Be With You_ was playing, and everyone around them were yelling the lyrics, singing and swaying along without a care in the world. But I couldn't stop watching the only two slow dancing to it with their arms wrapped around each other, staring into each other's eyes and not really noticing the chaos and mess of people spread around them.

Blake was whispering the lyrics to her while she stared up at him with a huge smile on her face. I thought of what was once us swaying and singing to each other, so in love and so out of reality with what was going on. The scar on my heart grew just a little bit more.

"They're so happy," I said out loud. I don't know if I was really speaking to Alice, but she replied anyway.

"They _seem_ so happy," she corrected.

I ignored it. "How could I do that? How could I ever come between two people that I care so much about?"

"You're only human, Edward. You deserve happiness too."

"I _am_ happy. Why does no one believe that? I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends. I have a great job that I'm sure I'll love. And I'm on the right path to getting everything I never even knew I wanted."

"Not everything."

"If it was you, Alice…." I started, never looking over at her, just staring straight ahead at the couple in front of me. "If you were me, and if the person you loved fell asleep beside you each night, and you woke up, and they were there; and then you went to work, and they were there; and you came home, and they were there; and you hung around your family, and they were there. Each and every day. For seven months. And you fell in love so hard, so fast. And then, you wake up one day, and suddenly, they don't know who you are. You're a stranger. You're no one to them. And when you finally get the courage to tell them how you feel and what you went through, they don't even believe you. You try and try and try to explain, but there's no use. They love someone else. And not only do they love someone else, but they love your best friend. What if Jasper fell in love with Bella? The love of your life now loves your best friend. And now there's nothing you can do. How would _you _feel?"

"I would know they weren't really meant to be together," she replied softly.

"But what would you do? What _could_ you do?"

She laid her hand on my shoulder until I turned my head to look at her. "I'd fight," she said strongly with courage and assurance. "I'd fight till the death." She looked me right in the eye. "And I'd never give up."

_Maybe I should leave,  
To help you see,  
Nothing is better than this,  
And this is everything we need,  
So is it over?  
Is this really it?  
You're giving up so easily,  
I thought you loved me more than this,_

_But go on, go on and take it._

_Take it all with you,  
Don't look back,  
At this crumbling fool,  
Just take it all,  
With my love,  
Take it all,  
With my love,_

_I will change if I must,  
Slow it down and bring it home,  
I will adjust,  
Oh, if only,  
If only you knew,  
Everything I do is for you._

"_Take It All" - Adele_

* * *

**A/N: So...believe it or not. This story is winding down. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it is, which means things are about to get better. Really soon. *Cough* Really, really soon. You people can quit calling me evil soon too.**

**Oh my goodness, the reviews last time were crazy; there were so many, but I think I got the teaser out to everyone. If you have your PMs disabled then you didn't get it. If I missed anyone, let me know, and I'll send you something extra special. **

**And since my teaser went over so well the first time, I think I'll do it again. So...REVIEWS GET A TEASER! **

**The response has been amazing. Thank you so much to everyone.**


	26. Cave

**A/N: What up, early update. Long time, no see.**

**Thanks and praises go to my lovely beta, ExquisiteEdward, who is sooooo quick! Also, yay for my new pre-reader, cejsmom! I love them both! This would be a incoherent mess without them. Trust me.**

**Bella's dress from this chapter is already on my profile. The yellow one.**

**So...some of you are mad. I get it. I would be too. But can I please just say that this story has always been catorgized as Drama/Romance. Notice the drama is listed first. However, most of my reviews were amazing so I'm not going to spend a lot of time dwelling on the few bad ones. BUT...this is the lowest point. Shit can't get any worse, okay? Are we agreed on that? **

**Anyway, the song this week is fromt Mumford & Sons, who at first, I really didn't like. But this song completely changed my mind. Now, I'm obsessed. Not how I'm DMB obessed, but still..."The Cave" by Mumford & Sons. Open another tab and listen while you read...**

_It's empty in the valley of your heart  
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk  
Away from all the fears  
And all the faults you've left behind_

_Cause I have other things to fill my time  
You take what is yours and I'll take mine  
Now let me at the truth  
Which will refresh my broken mind._

Chapter Twenty-Five: Cave

"Come in," I said in answer to the light knocking on my office door at UW.

"Hi, Professor Cullen?" a soft voice asked from inside the doorway.

I looked up from my laptop on my desk and was met with a pair of stunning hazel eyes. She seemed young, but not too young like a student. Maybe my age? She had short, straight blonde hair, tan skin and a pretty smile.

"Yes?"

"Hi, my name's Kate McGill. I'm another CJ professor. I just wanted to come introduce myself and welcome you to the program."

I shut my laptop to give her my full attention. A very pretty smile, indeed.

"Oh, hey. It's nice to meet you. I haven't really come around and introduced myself yet. I'm sorry. It's only my first week."

"Oh, no, it's fine. It's only my second year teaching so I understand being new around here. I just wanted to come say hello and see how you liked it so far."

I sighed but chuckled kindly under my breath. "It's been a little bit tougher than I thought. There are a lot of students."

"Yeah, I know. You get used to it though. It's okay not to remember everyone's name," she laughed. "It'll never happen. I gave up on that a long time ago."

I laughed too. "Okay, good. I'm glad I'm not the only one."

"How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?" she questioned me.

It sort of took me off-guard, but I tried not to show it. "Twenty-seven."

"Oh yeah? I was just wondering because you worked at Smith and Layton Law, and I had heard you were young…." she looked away from me towards the floor, mumbling under her breath. "… I just wasn't sure how young you actually were."

"I was twenty-five when I started, but I moved up pretty quickly."

"That's so amazing. I can't imagine…." she smiled, shaking her head.

I shrugged. "It was a great place to work. It just wasn't what I wanted to do anymore."

She nodded. "I admire that."

We shared an awkward, pregnant pause where I could tell she desperately wanted to ask me why I quit but knew I probably didn't want to share that with someone I had just met and didn't really know. She was quite attractive though. She was tall, probably just under my chin in height; skinny, maybe a little too skinny for her stature, but still attractive with black pants and a loose sweater hanging on her.

"Uh," she broke the silence, glancing at her watch briefly and blushing slightly. "Would you like to grab some lunch-"

She was cut off by a soft knock on my partly-open office door. "Edward?" The voice I had been waiting all day to hear called for me as she peeked her head around the door, laying two blue eyes directly on me. I stood from my desk chair as she walked in the rest of the way. She smiled immediately, "Hey! Are you ready?" she asked.

Whenever she was fully in my office, she glanced to the side and finally saw Kate standing off to the other side of my desk. Her smile fell instantly, "Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, you're fine, Bella," I replied.

Bella's eyes never left Kate.

"Kate, I'm sorry. I already have lunch plans," I stated. They both looked at me like they had even forgotten I was there. "Kate, this is Bella Swan. Bella, this is Kate McGill. She's a CJ professor, too."

I didn't put a label on Bella for a reason.

They both looked back at each other and awkwardly shook hands. I realized for the first time how much I hated to watch two girls shake hands. Girls were meant to smile and hug, maybe kiss on the cheek in certain situations. This seemed unfriendly and…stiff, for some reason.

"Nice to meet you," Kate stated.

"Likewise," Bella replied, releasing her hand as quickly as possible. "I can just wait outside," she said to me motioning to the hallway.

"No, no, no," Kate said, stopping her with her hands. "I was just leaving." She turned to me and smiled. "I'll see you around, Edward."

"Yeah, we'll have to have lunch soon."

"Okay," she nodded, turning to leave. "Good to meet you," she said to Bella.

Bella nodded back, smiling softly. "Nice to meet you too."

As Kate left, Bella's eyes followed her until she could no longer be seen, and the sound of heels clicking down the hallway slowly faded. I walked around my desk towards her which must have caught her eye because she turned around immediately and smiled up at me.

She looked so beautiful even though she only had on aqua-colored matching scrubs with her hair pulled back in a ponytail on the side of her head, swinging around her shoulder. She barely had on any makeup, and her eyes looked exhausted and over-worked. And then I knew the difference between the feeling I got looking at someone attractive like Kate and someone beautiful like Bella. Bella was probably appalled by her appearance to go to lunch, but she was still a hundred times over more beautiful than Kate could have ever been dressed up.

I sighed as I looked down at her, feeling my lips involuntarily pull back into a small smile. We had texted a little throughout the week, promising to get together as soon as we had a little free time which just so happened to be a Thursday for lunch. I hadn't seen her in person since that night last weekend at Mugshots, but we were doing as we had said we would… trying to be friends.

"Ready?" I asked.

She nodded, still smiling.

* * *

"So, how's school going?" Bella asked as we sat down to lunch at the same sandwich shop Emmett and I went to the day we ran into Seth.

"Which part? Teaching it or actually taking classes?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Both, I guess."

"Teaching is going really good. The classes are huge, but it's just going to take some getting used to."

"And taking classes?" she asked with her eyebrows raised.

"I don't know," I shook my head. "It seems like so long ago since I took a college class, and I think I'm just rusty."

She giggled and nodded. "I feel ya there."

"I know it seems weird, but it's much easier to teach than for me to be taught. Does that even make sense?"

She nodded again, chuckling in between bites of her cobb salad. "Yes, it does."

There was a little bit of silence between us, where we did nothing but eat our lunch quietly. It wasn't really awkward, but it wasn't completely comfortable either, at least not for me. I couldn't help but get the feeling that she was nervous. I was somewhat the opposite. I wasn't really nervous around her, but I was more nervous about what she was thinking… how she was feeling. I wanted her to like me, as weird as that sounded.

She finally spoke first. "So, that was another professor in your office today?" she asked, looking down at her plate.

My chewing froze, and now I knew exactly how she felt.

Finally, I resumed chewing and nodded my head. I swallowed and said, "Yes, it was."

She was quiet for a moment before she mumbled, "She was really pretty."

Again, I nodded, staring straight ahead at her even though she was still watching her food. "Yeah, she was." I saw her frown a little, barely noticeable, but I saw it. I wiped my mouth on my napkin and set it back in my lap. "She's just not my type though."

For that, she looked up at me. "She's not?"

I shook my head. "No, not at all."

"So what's your type?"

I chuckled. "Apparently, the unrequited."

She didn't answer. She only looked back down at her salad, but I saw a slight tint of pink added to her cheeks.

She changed the subject.

"I can't believe Rose and Em are getting married in three weeks," Bella said. "It just seems so crazy, right? Like we're all getting old?"

I shrugged. "Getting married doesn't mean you're getting old. It just means you're ready to spend the rest of your life with one person."

I could feel her staring at me even though my eyes were turned down to my Reuben. She finally pushed around a few pieces of her salad and replied, "That too, of course. I don't know…." she shook her head, "… it still just seems crazy to me."

"How's the planning going? I tend to tune Alice out when she talks nonstop about it."

She chuckled. "Everything is pretty much all set."

"Just tell Rose to double check with the pastor to make sure he knows what time to be at the church."

I could tell she was somewhat surprised by my piece of advice, but she recovered enough to nod her head; she understood.

"Rose has this crazy idea about withholding sex until the wedding. I think it's already been a month," she shook her head, frowning down at her food.

"Tell her not to. It won't be worth it in the end. They're fighting already, right?"

She looked up from her food, surprised again. She nodded, not saying a word.

"Yeah, tell her it's really not worth it," I said.

She nodded. "Are you still coming to the bachelor party?" she asked.

"Uh…. " my voice trailed. This was one decision I wasn't sure about for a long time, but I finally decided it would be best to skip out this time around, mainly because of Bella and Blake, but truthfully, I felt weird about going to the fraternity house never having actually been a member. It just would have been too surreal to see the composites on the wall this time, and not see my picture.

"I don't think so. I wouldn't belong there."

"Oh, come on! They would love to have you! Emmett wants you to go!" she protested.

"I know. It would still be weird, though. I'll apologize to him, but I just don't really want to go."

She finally nodded her head slightly. "Yeah, I understand."

"All of you know each other so well. It's hard to be the outsider."

She smiled. "You've fit in pretty nicely so far."

I shrugged. "I still feel like I'm weaseling my way into your group of friends. I'm just 'Emmett and Jasper's brother'. The 'other Cullen'."

She laughed. "You're a part of the friend circle, Edward. Trust me."

"I am?"

"Yes."

"What's the 'friend circle'?"

"It's everyone. Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Blake, me, Shally, Rachel, Seth, Jacob… just _everyone_," she replied. "Now you're in it too."

"Do I need to get initiated? Is there a secret handshake?" I joked.

She tossed her head back and laughed, a sound I loved to hear.

"Sure. Remind Alice and me to teach it to you this weekend, after the bachelorette party."

"After? Will I be seeing you after?" I asked.

"Alice didn't tell you? Some of the girls are crashing at your apartment and mine this weekend after the party."

I sighed and shook my head. "No, she hasn't mentioned that."

"Oh," she stopped abruptly. "Well, I'm sure it's just slipped her mind."

"Yeah," I scoffed. "Sure."

"If it's a problem, then I'm sure everyone could probably fit in my apartment," she offered.

I shook my head. "No, it's fine. She's been plotting ways to get back at me ever since I got Brody."

"Brody?" she questioned.

"My puppy. Blake didn't tell you I got a puppy?"

Her eyes lit up. "No! You got a puppy? What kind? Can I come see him?" she screeched.

"It's a she, and you can come see her anytime. Actually…" I glanced at my watch, "I need to go check on her before I go back to work. I have another class in about an hour. Do you want to come back to my place and see her?"

She looked at her watch too and frowned slightly. "I only have about forty-five minutes, but if we hurry, I can."

"Let's go then," I smiled.

* * *

"She loves you," I stated as I watched Bella and Brody play on the floor in my apartment. Brody hadn't left Bella's side since we got there; she hadn't even acted this way with Alice.

"She is adorable. I wish Rose would let us get a dog, but she would never, ever allow that," Bella laughed, rolling her eyes.

"Well maybe you can whenever Blake moves in," I suggested.

Her head immediately popped up with her eyes wide and surprised as she looked at me. "How did you know about that?"

"Blake told me."

I didn't understand what the big deal was about me knowing about it, but the look on her face showed how she really didn't seem to want me to know. She only nodded her head slightly, looking like she was off thinking it over in her head.

She began watching Brody in her lap, petting her reverently as she sat Indian-style on my living room carpet. Brody nestled herself in between the fold of her knee and thigh and fell asleep instantly.

"Oh my gosh, she's so cute," Bella cooed, stroking her shiny coat over and over as soft snores started to sound.

"Yeah, she is," I nodded.

"I hate to go, but I really need to get back to work."

"Yeah, of course. I need to get going too," I stated, starting to stand up too. "Brody, come on. Bella needs to go now."

Brody opened her eyes but didn't even lift her head from Bella's lap. Her little furry ears perked up, but she made no other move that she had heard me.

"Brody?" Bella asked, looking up at me.

I wondered if she had remembered I had told her our dog's name was Brody. The questioning look she was giving gave me enough of an answer.

"Yeah," I confirmed.

Bella looked back down at her lap and gently picked up Brody in her arms as she stood up. "I'll come back to see you tonight, okay?" she asked, holding Brody out in front of her. Brody blinked at her but wagged her tail furiously.

She giggled, kissing her head and handing her over to me. I tucked her into my side as I followed Bella to my apartment door.

"Is it okay if I come back tonight after work and see her again?" Bella asked me as she stood just outside of the door.

I nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'll cook us dinner. Alice and Jasper should be here too."

She nodded and smiled, staring at the ground at our feet. It was mostly rare these days where she would look me directly in the eyes. She always seemed so shy and timid except when she was drunk. It made me feel weird, like I was a total stranger to her… like she didn't know me well enough to act herself around me a lot of the time.

Finally, she petted Brody one last time, scratching behind her ears. She looked up at me briefly and waved, whispering, "Good bye." And I watched her walk to her car.

When she got inside, I shut the apartment door and set Brody down. She immediately ran to the door and scratched the bottom of it with her tiny paws and began to whimper.

Over her cries, I whispered, "Me too, girl." I picked her back up and kissed her head. "Me too."

* * *

The very next day at work, I was knocking on Professor McGill's office door. I wasn't really sure why I was doing this. I wasn't really sure what exactly had led me to this place, maybe it could have been staying up late with Bella last night, talking and playing around with Brody. And maybe it could have been her going home afterwards to be with Blake… to sleep with Blake… in the same bed… probably doing lots of other things. Yes, it could have been all of that, but whatever it was had led me to her door, knocking.

"Yes?" a soft voice from inside called.

I stepped inside, peeking my head around to make sure she was by herself. She looked up at me from behind her desk as she sat with lots of papers strewn all throughout her office, around her computer and office phone and just… everywhere. I was immediately turned off right away by this, but her big smile and bright eyes reminded me why I was there in the first place.

"Hi," I smiled.

"Hey, come in," she greeted me with a wave of her hand.

I walked the rest of the way in and asked, "I was wondering if you were free for lunch today?"

She smiled bigger. "Yeah, I am actually."

"Ok cool. Are you ready now or do you want to come get me whenever you are or-"

She cut me off, "You aren't having lunch with your friend again today?"

Friend? Huh, that was weird. I shook my head. "No. Not today."

"Okay, yeah. I'm ready. Let me just send this email then we can go, okay?"

I nodded my head with approval and waited patiently as she typed on her laptop for a couple more seconds then shut it immediately.

So we went out to lunch. I drove, opening the door for her and everything. It ended up feeling much more like a date than a friendly co-worker to co-worker lunch outing, but it was nice getting to know someone who didn't know a thing about me or who wasn't directly or even indirectly connected to Bella or our friends.

Kate was much different than Bella, even though I really didn't want to compare the two…I just sort of ended up doing it. Kate was much more outspoken, and I guess, in a way, more laid-back than Bella was. She was somewhat of a smartass and someone that really didn't seem to care what other people thought. She said what she wanted to and didn't seem too concerned about anyone or anything else. She was still very pretty and very poised, and wickedly smart; however, I just couldn't make myself feel anything more for her than just a friend. My mind wanted to like her… wanted to date her and be attracted to her, but my heart couldn't.

It just couldn't.

"Your girlfriend's very pretty," Kate said as we sat across from each other eating lunch.

"My what?" I asked.

"Your girlfriend… yesterday... the nurse. She was really pretty."

I coughed a little and took a sip of my water before replying. "Uh, she's not my girlfriend. She's just a friend." That was a lot harder to say than I had imagined it would be. "I don't have a girlfriend."

"Wife?"

"Nope."

"Boyfriend?"

"No," I laughed. "What about you?"

"Nope. Still single," she smiled. "It's hard to find someone, even in this big city."

"Well, you have hundreds of students that I'm sure wouldn't mind seeing you outside of school. That's gotta make you feel better."

She shook her head. "Oh, no. You can't tell me you haven't heard the students talking about you? It's all I hear about, all day every day."

I laughed. "I take it with a grain of salt. I try not to pay much attention."

"They want your attention all right."

We shared a laugh, and for the first time in a long time, I felt lighter.

"So, would you want to go out sometime?" she asked.

The light feeling went away instantly, and I started to panic. That's not a normal reaction to someone asking you out. But panic was all I felt. Here Kate was lovely… attractive… smart… confident, but all I could think of in that moment were two blue eyes and a deep hole inside my chest.

"You mean like out on a date?" my voice almost squeaked. I swallowed quickly to coat my throat.

She chuckled. "Yeah, like a date."

"Listen, Kate. I might look like I have it all together, but I am really, _really _messed up right now. And I just don't want to drag someone else into it."

"Is it her?"

I paused for a moment and looked up at her. Her expression was pensive and thoughtful. Was I so transparent?

"Is it who?"

"Is Bella the one?" When my eyes asked her what my words could not, she finished, "… the one who messed you up so bad?"

I scratched the back of my neck. "Uh, yeah. Unintentionally, but yeah."

"Does she know how you feel about her?" she asked.

"Um, yeah, she does."

"That's cruel then," she replied with a frown. "She shouldn't hang around knowing how much it hurts you."

Maybe she was right. But little did she know… I was a glutton for the pain.

* * *

The weekend came, and it was the bachelorette party. All of the girls were at my apartment, and who knew it was so cool to _drink_ before you went out _drinking._ And there were so many of them… they were everywhere.

"Is he the stripper?" I heard Rosalie ask Alice with slight disgust as I walked from my bedroom to the kitchen only to get a drink. Most of the night I had locked myself in my room.

I rolled my eyes and kept walking.

"That wouldn't be such a bad thing," I heard Rachel as she leaned over and whispered to another girl whose name I hadn't caught yet.

They both giggled.

A smile lit up my face as I made it into the kitchen.

"Oh shit," a small voice said as it ran clear into my chest. The next thing I knew, I could feel wet seeping through my shirt.

"What… the… fuck…." I said slowly as I looked down at the huge blue stain on my used-to-be white button up.

"Shit! I am so sorry! I didn't see you! God, I am _so_ sorry," Bella repeated over and over as she set her now empty cup on the counter.

When I finally looked up from my ruined shirt, I was met with two concerned blue eyes. I felt my jaw go slack as I stared at her. She was wearing a bright yellow dress with her hair pulled up in a loose bun and her makeup done perfectly with gold shimmery eye shadow all around her eyes and lots of jewelry resting against her radiant, smooth skin.

"Oh my god," I breathed.

"I know, I know. I am so sorry, Edward. I'll buy you a new shirt I promise. Jesus, it's on the floor too," she replied, shaking her head in dissatisfaction as she turned around to grab paper towels from the counter. When she did, I was met with a completely bare back. Her dress was a halter, but the back was completely cut out all the way down to her tailbone where I could clearly see the two dimples that only led further to her ass. When she spun back around, I noticed even the sides were mostly gone, leaving a perfect side-boob view.

No bra. Nothing.

_Dear baby Jesus. God almighty. _

She knelt on the floor in front of me, using the paper towels to get up all of the blue wetness around us. After finally waking up from my inner animal musings, I got down beside her and helped to clean it up.

"Bella, stop. It's okay. I've got it. I don't want you to ruin your dress."

"Like I ruined your shirt?" she smirked at me, but her eyes told me she still felt really terrible for having spilt her drink on me.

I watched her shoulder blades contract again and again as she wiped up the mess. Her skin looked so smooth, not a single blemish on it, apart from a few dark beauty marks and freckles on the tops of her shoulders. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I touched her until I was so close to her skin that I could literally smell it.

"Don't worry about my shirt. I don't care."

She stood up to throw away the paper towels we had used, and even though all around me was the distinct smell of cotton candy, I could still smell blueberries… and… something else….

"What were you drinking?" I asked her.

She picked up her cup and looked down in it. "It _was_ a bullfrog."

"Why is it blue?"

"Blue-raspberry kool-aid," she replied.

"Are you sixteen or what?" I chuckled.

She opened my refrigerator and took out a two-liter of Mountain Dew that was blue. "Shut up. It's good. Want some?"

"Uh… no," I shook my head, still chuckling.

"Suit yourself." She shrugged, pouring herself another glass of it.

Once she was done, I grabbed a bottle of water. She was standing a few feet away from me in the kitchen, watching me from above her glass while she sipped it.

I took a few swigs of my water then started to unbutton my shirt. It was starting to make my skin sticky underneath. I saw Bella's eyes bug out slightly before she immediately averted her stare.

"You look really nice tonight," I said, slipping the heavy shirt off my shoulders and leaving me standing in only a pair of low-rise dark denim jeans.

She gulped and blushed somewhat. "Thanks," she whispered.

"I like the back."

_Fuck, that was stupid. _I cursed myself for such a crude statement since it was pretty obvious there was nothing to even like about the back of it. I looked away from her, towards the floor, feeling my cheeks heat from embarrassment.

"Thank you." I heard her giggle a little. "I wish you were coming out with all of us. I think we're going to meet up with the guys later on."

I shrugged. "I need to catch up on some school work anyway."

"Right. Well, I'll see you when we get back then," she smiled.

"You're staying here tonight?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. I let a lot of the girls take mine and Rose's apartment to stay in, so Rose and I are going to stay here tonight. Probably slum it on the sofa bed."

"Well, I'll probably be asleep when you get back. But, have fun and please be safe."

She smiled one last time before walking back into the living room with everyone else.

I stood alone in the kitchen, leaning against the counter for a while… thinking of how fucking hot she just looked walking away from me with her entire back showing and her long legs on display with tall gold lace up heels on. Fuck. Me.

I remembered time after time holding her and touching her and… fucking her. I remembered clearly what she felt like, what she looked like, what she smelled like. It had been a while since we'd been together that way, but goddamn, I'd never forget it.

I shook my head, smiling a little to myself as I walked through the living to reach my room again.

"Oh, look! He's already started stripping!" Rachel hollered as I came into view.

I ignored the cat calls and yells of approval as I went to my room with my discarded shirt in hand and closed the door behind me.

I heard the girls leave about an hour later. Alice stopped by my room to tell me goodbye, and tried once more to beg me to go out. I told her I'd be fine and to have a good time. I made her promise to call me if they needed anything. She promised; then finally, the apartment was silent.

You would think silence would have been just what I wanted. And truthfully, it was. But once there were no distractions, no interruptions and no noise at all, I became the most unfocused. In all honesty, the silence was deafening.

My mind wandered and wandered and wandered. I kept thinking of Bella and Blake, and everything I hated about the two of them together; then I'd think about what an asshole that made me feel like for even thinking about it. But the more I thought, the more reluctant and even angrier I became. I cared so much, that I began to wonder if maybe I cared _too_ much. With time, I'd move on, right? I could do it. I could leave them alone, let them be, stay strong and remember my place.

Friends. I could be friends with her. I could do it.

They had only been gone for about an hour before Bella started texting me. Alice had taken them to a titty bar just like last time, just like my dream. She told me all about it even down to the themed stripper costumes.

A little while later, Blake started texting me. He told me how they were at Mugshots but would be leaving soon to go to the fraternity house. He asked me over and over to please join them, but I kept declining, telling him again and again to have fun and be safe.

I was texting both of them at the same time, and yeah, I wasn't getting work done at all.

Throughout the night, Blake's texts died down until they were mostly incoherent, and there was no way to respond to them. Bella's texts kept the same pace the whole night, and never once showed any signs of being from someone drunk. When I asked her if she was drunk yet, she told me she had had a couple but really didn't feel like drinking a lot.

It was around two o'clock in the morning when she told me they were going to the fraternity house for a little bit and then they would be coming back. I told her that was fine, but I didn't hear from her again for a long time.

At some point, I fell asleep with my phone in my hand.

I woke up to soft whispers coming from the bathroom between mine and Alice's bedrooms. I looked at my phone in my hand, seeing I had two texts from Bella letting me know they were on their way back then another saying they were there but I was probably asleep. The clock read four in the morning as I sat up in only my boxers, fumbling around for some sleeping pants and t-shirt.

Once I found both, I was thirsty and really wanted another bottle of water, so I decided to sneak into the kitchen and grab one as quickly as possible and pray I wouldn't be seen by any scantily-clad drunk chicks reeking of vodka and titty bar cigarette smoke.

As soon as I stepped out of my room, though, there was complete darkness. Well, it was pitch black except for the glow of a purple and blue dildo wand being held onto tightly by a sleeping-soundly Rosalie on our living room couch. She was still in her dress and high-heels and white satin sash that said "Bride-To-Be" in pink glitter. She was snoring softly with her head tossed back on a couch pillow and her mouth hanging open. The glow from the wand showed across her face where I could see she still had on a veil with brightly-colored dicks hanging on it as well.

I stopped for a moment to look at her and have a good silent chuckle to myself, until I heard faint voices coming from Alice's room. Her light was on and her door was slightly ajar.

I stepped closer to listen.

"… and sometimes, when I look at him, I see something different… something I don't think anyone else sees. Sometimes I just… look at him and see a different… life, I guess. A different… future," Bella's voice said softly from inside.

I got a little closer to the door, making sure my shadow didn't come into view.

"Do you like him?" Alice asked.

"He does that thing that not many guys do. He stands when I walk into a room, and he does that halfway standing thing when I walk to the table…." Her voice trailed as she paused for a moment. "… I love that. What guy do you know that does that? Blake's never done that."

"Do you _like _him?" Alice asked again.

"He's so… attractive, you know? Like… he's really, really good-looking. I mean, he's the hottest guy I've ever _seen_. He could have anyone… any girl he wanted. You should see this woman he works with. Model material. Seriously. So… why would he ever love _me_?"

"Bella, are you serious?" Alice asked, incredulously. "Edward is hot, I'll give you that, but honey, so are you."

"He is just so… _pretty_."

"You still haven't answered me. _Do you like him_?"

"I don't know what I feel for him, Alice. I don't know what I'm _supposed _to feel for him."

"What are you talking about? How you feel is how you feel. How does he make you feel when you're around him?"

Bella paused for a long time. I stepped just a little closer to make sure I wasn't just not hearing what she was saying, but finally she spoke, "He makes me feel something I've never felt before." Her voice rose as she quickly added, "But I _love _Blake. I've loved him for so long, and I could never… ever hurt him."

"Sweetie," Alice's voice was calm and soothing as she whispered back to her, "I love Blake too. And so does Edward. He would never want to hurt him either, trust me._ But_… one broken heart is a hell of a lot better than two."

I tip-toed away, thinking about what I had heard.

_One broken heart is better than two._

Was it? Possibly.

But I couldn't help that little feeling inside of me. The one that felt so elated… so _over-joyed _to know that she felt _something_ for me whether it be a feeling she wasn't quite sure about. Still. She felt _something_. And right now, something was better than nothing.

Plus, she thought I was pretty.

Walking into the kitchen, I could feel myself smiling. Bella Swan liked me. She didn't say it, but I knew that's what she meant. She _liked _me. She thought I was pretty. A fluttering in my stomach gave way to the emptiness it had been feeling for so long, and for the first time in a long time there was a new emotion taking over me.

Hope.

I took out a bottle of water and started to drink it while I stared out the small window in the kitchen. It was drizzling outside, a light mist ghosting through the early morning air as the moon reflected all of the sprinkles' dancing light.

I don't know how long I stood there, watching the rain in only a pair of flannel pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt, but it was long enough for me to start to get sleepy again. I yawned as quietly as I could and turned around to leave the kitchen.

I froze immediately.

Bella was standing only a few feet away from me, staring. If I hadn't heard her talking to Alice, I would have thought she was sleep-walking. She had a blank expression on her face as her eyes were transfixed upon me. She had changed out of her dress and was now wearing short, polka-dot pajama shorts and a plain red tank top which looked about one or two sizes too small.

I took one step forward, but still she didn't move. If it wasn't for her blinking once in a while, she would have looked dead. My heart was beating frantically in my chest as I begin to wonder if maybe she knew I had been listening to them; maybe she was pissed off about it.

I was thinking of things to say right as she stepped towards me. She walked closer and closer and closer to me until I had to back up to keep from touching her. Turns out, that was exactly what she wanted. She backed me up until my butt hit the counter behind me, then slowly… _so fucking slowly_, her delicate hands reached out and touched my chest. I could feel every inch of her pressed up against me while her eyes stayed completely focused on her hands. I knew she had to be able to feel my heart pounding away in my chest, but she still never said anything… only silence had room enough between us.

Her touch against my chest felt warm and familiar, and I was just getting used to it when she started to lightly move her hands up my chest still as slowly as possible. I stayed perfectly still as she watched herself with rapt attention, ghosting her hands up onto the tops of my shoulders, lying flat on either side of my neck.

I sucked in a breath when she finally raised her eyes and looked at me. Her big blue eyes were soft and seemed somewhat sad; she looked so unsure, so nervous and so just _not_ how I wanted her to look while touching me. But I'd take what I could get.

_One broken heart is better than two._

I could feel myself start to cave. I could feel every wall that I had built in order to keep myself from getting my hopes up with her start to crumble away. Every barrier between us, every lie she and I had told to keep ourselves an arm's length away from each other just seemed to melt away.

And so, yes, I caved.

My arms that I had laid limp by my sides started to rise until they found their resting place on each of her hips. She leaned into me more when she could also feel my resolve wearing away in me. Her hands never strayed from my shoulders while her arms rested lightly against my chest, her elbows coming to about my upper abs. As she kept leaning on me more and more, I tightened my grip on her waist until my arms were completely around her and my hands were resting lightly on the top of her ass.

She let out a long sigh, shutting her eyes briefly and relaxing into my hold. I felt her breath tickle the skin of my neck around my Adam's apple while her hips pressed even further against mine. Her eyes stayed straight ahead, only staring at my neck while I was looking down at her, desperately wondering what she was thinking.

It was pitch-dark in the kitchen; the only light being the soft moonlight coming in through the small window behind me. Her long eyelashes fluttered small shadows across the smooth skin of her cheeks, and I wished I could see her eyes… just long enough to get a picture of what she was feeling. But she wouldn't look at me. For now, holding her was enough. She was making no attempt to move an inch in my arms.

I leaned in closer, bending slightly but only enough to press my cheek very lightly to hers. I did it as slowly as possible so she wouldn't be startled. She still didn't move. There was no sign of her being surprised by it at all. In fact the only movement was her head tilted a little more towards mine. I breathed in her scent; everything about it taking me back to all of those memories of us.

And now, just holding her wasn't enough.

My hands pulled up the fabric of her shirt over her lower back then immediately sought out her skin. When I felt the silkiness and warmth underneath my fingertips, I turned my head until my lips were barely brushing her cheek. It wasn't a kiss; my lips never puckered or pressed to her skin. I only swept my lips against her skin as lightly as a feather.

I watched as her eyes fluttered shut and her breathing increased. I moved my lips up to her forehead, across her closed eyes, over her eyebrows, on her nose and all the way to her other cheek. I felt the skin of her back prickle into goose bumps as I continued to move my lips down to her jaw. She pulled her head up to allow me more room to move downwards.

I was so unbelievably turned on from all the contact with her, and I knew there was no way in hell she couldn't feel it pressed up against her; however, I couldn't find it in me to care. This felt too good. I know I had said I was done… many times in fact, but the truth was I wasn't sure that I'd ever be done. I wasn't sure if there was a switch in me that I could just turn off and not be in love with her.

It wasn't that easy.

And truthfully, she wasn't making it any easier.

Slowly and dutifully, she moved her arms from around my shoulders down my body until they were laced strongly around my waist. She hugged me closer to her, pushing her upper body against mine. She wasn't wearing a bra under her tank top because I could feel all of her chest forcefully pressed on me. We couldn't have been any closer without being on top of each other… _oh god._

I audibly groaned when I felt her snake her hands up under the back of my shirt and start to lightly scratch her fingernails against my skin like she had done so many times before. I moved my hands from her back to the tops of her shoulders. I lightly massaged her bare skin with my fingertips, and then finding courage deep within, I slowly moved each of the straps of her tank top down until they wouldn't fall any further without taking the entire shirt with them.

She pressed her cheek to my rising and falling chest, listening to every swift breath I took as I bent down again until my lips were lightly touching her right shoulder. I started my ministrations over again, not really kissing her but just breathing against her skin. Trailing my fingers up and down her arms, I felt her shake a little as chill after chill ripped through her and goose bumps covered every inch of her skin. Her nipples poked me through her shirt then through my own thin, flimsy t-shirt.

I was so hard that I felt like I could come just from touching her.

I switched shoulders on her, paying the same attention to her left shoulder. Everything that I thought I had forgotten started to resurface. The way she felt, how warm and soft she was pressed against me, how smooth her skin was, how softly she touched me, how sweet she smelled… all of those things that I first experienced so long ago came flooding back to me, and suddenly it hadn't felt like it had been months since I'd touched her like this. It felt like just yesterday.

I stood up straight, prying my lips away from her skin and lifting my hands until they were resting on either side of her neck. Finally, she looked up at me. With our faces only inches apart, her breath fanned across my face, smelling of raspberries and slightly of alcohol, but her eyes weren't glassy at all, letting me know she wasn't drunk by any means.

She sighed once before shutting her eyes briefly. When they reopened, she looked up at me so sweetly and whispered into the early morning air the first words between us, "Please kiss me."

It was like she couldn't kiss me herself. She _had_ to ask me. Maybe in her mind, if I initiated the kiss then she couldn't feel bad about it later. And maybe a month ago, before I knew about Blake, I would have happily done it. A month ago, I would have been the one begging for a single kiss. But this wasn't a month ago or seven months ago. I wasn't dreaming and right then, I couldn't kiss her.

So instead, I held her face with my hands, shut my eyes painfully tight and kissed her forehead, lingering as long as I possibly could. This was what felt right. For now, this was enough.

When I reopened my eyes, Alice was standing a few feet away behind Bella. She gave me a small smile and brought her little hand up to wave at me then she was gone.

I looked down at Bella, still in my arms, but her eyes had changed and suddenly looked awfully sad and about to cry. I took her hand and wordlessly led her out of the kitchen.

Alice's bedroom door was shut now, and Rosalie was still snoring softly on the couch. I led us to my room, shutting the door behind us quietly. I took her to my bed, pulling back the covers. We still didn't speak as she immediately got in bed, pulling the sheets over herself and snuggling deep inside. I pushed the hair back from her face and leaned down to kiss her forehead again.

I went to the armchair beside the bed, took a blanket that was hanging off the back of it and pulled it over myself. I leaned the chair all the way back and sighed as I got comfortable enough to fall asleep.

I turned my head to look over at her. She had her hand stretched out reaching for me. I brought my hand out from under my blanket and took her little delicate fingers with mine.

In the silence, I spoke softly, "I love you, sweet girl."

We slept that night, holding hands.

When I woke up the next morning, she was gone. My hand was still outstretched and resting on the side of the bed. Alone.

* * *

The next day, Sunday, Emmett and Jasper came over together. The air around them felt tense especially when they hugged me when they got there. Hugs were nice, but weird. Their smiles seemed forced, but so did the conversation.

Alice had been acting strange all day as well, and when they got there, she came out of her room and sat down with all of us, television off and nothing but silence filling the room.

"So…." I said. "What's up?"

"How's work so far?" Emmett asked.

They seemed so nervous and fidgety while looking at one another over and over before staring back at me.

"It's going good. I like it a lot."

"That's good. And how's school?" Jasper questioned.

"So far so good," I replied. "How was the bachelor party?"

Everything about this seemed weird and just… off.

"It was fun. Wish you could have been there," Emmett answered.

I nodded. "Yeah."

Silence again. Alice was staring intently at her hands, a frown adorning her lovely face. Jasper looked over at her and took one of her hands into his. She looked at him immediately but didn't smile or show any emotion.

"What's going on?" I asked, nervousness plaguing my voice.

"Nothing… we just wanted to talk to you," Jasper said.

"Okay."

Emmett readjusted his position on the couch, switching legs as he crossed and uncrossed his ankles. He coughed and cleared his throat once, twice… three times. I was getting impatient.

"Guys, just tell me."

Emmett spoke first. "Rosalie told me something today."

"Okay."

"Blake went down to Forks this afternoon."

"Okay."

This time, they all looked at each other. Emmett looked back at me and spoke again, "You know the wedding's next week."

"Yeah."

Silence again.

"You're starting to freak me out. What is it?"

Emmett let out a long sigh. He opened his mouth then quickly changed his mind and sighed again, leaning forward to lay his head in his hands.

Alice, who looked like she might cry at any moment, spoke for him, "Edward, Blake is going to propose to Bella after the wedding."

_So make your siren's call  
And sing all you want  
I will not hear what you have to say_

_Cause I need freedom now_  
_And I need to know how_  
_To live my life as it's meant to be_

_And I will hold on hope_  
_And I won't let you choke_  
_On the noose around your neck_

_And I'll find strength in pain_  
_And I will change my ways_  
_I'll know my name as it's called again._

"_The Cave" – Mumford & Sons_

* * *

**a/n: Lowest point, remember? Trust me. Okay?**

**I mean, really...don't you see where this is going? Don't you? DON'T YOU? **

**As always, reviews get teasers. I'm so sorry if I missed anyone. Reminder: if you aren't logged in when you submit it, it leaves it as an anonymous review, so that means you didn't get it. That happens to me all the time when I review from my phone. Also, if you have PMs disabled, that means you didn't get it.**

**Thank you for all my recs this week! There were so many! Just...thank you. It means a lot.**

**Teaser is already written. It's good.**


	27. Proposal

**A/N: Thank you to my beta ExquisiteEdward. She helps my writer's block. Thanks to my pre-reader cejsmom. And yay for my new pre-reader Kassiah! I love both of them! **

**WOW! Sooooo many new readers. I'm glad you're here. Welcome.**

**Songs are by Adele and Mumford & Sons. If you're not listening to them by now, then shame on you.**

* * *

_There's a fire starting in my heart,_ _  
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark._

_The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,  
I can't help feeling  
We could have had it all._

_Rolling in the deep,  
You had my heart inside of your hands,  
But you played it with a beating._

"_Rolling in the Deep" - Adele_

Chapter Twenty-Six: Proposal

_Don't freak out_, were the first words that came to my mind. And for the rest of the day, I repeated it to myself over and over until I was calm enough to believe it.

The funny thing about one's mind especially one like mine was that if I was moving around, I wasn't thinking. If I was sitting, I was thinking. So, for the next few days, I never stopped.

Monday, I bought a car. Blake went with me. When I first saw him that day, I thought of him kneeling in front of Bella. I shut my eyes tight, took a long breath and focused on the task, what I was doing. Ignoring the pain in those moments didn't diminish it, make it hurt any less or even take just a small piece of it away, but for now, it was working… just as long as I never stopped. Blake suggested a Range Rover. Surprise, surprise. The exact car from my dream. This kid was good, _too _good. He told me it was G.P.D. Also known as a Guaranteed Panty Dropper.

I rolled my eyes, and thought of how I couldn't hate him even if I tried.

Tuesday, I went out for drinks with Kate. Alice went with us. They hit it off. And I started to like Kate even more. Jasper showed up late after having worked all night, and he had a few beers with us. We shared stories and laughs, and at some point, I looked over at Kate and I on one side of the booth and Alice and Jasper on the other. This seemed like a date, looked like a date and parts of it felt like a date. Right as we were leaving, though, Bella texted me and asked me if she could come down to see Brody. I told her I was out with Kate, Alice and Jasper for the night, but I'd be back later.

She didn't text me back.

Alice and I took Kate back to her place first. On the drive home to our apartment, Alice spoke her mind the way she always seemed to do.

"I like her," she stated.

I nodded, staring straight ahead at the road in front of me. "Yeah, me too."

"Do you… _like_ her like her?" she hedged.

"Alice, seriously? Are we doing this right now?"

"What? I'm just asking. You two seemed really… friendly."

"That's because we're _friends_."

"Does _she_ know that?" she asked.

"Yes, of course. I told her I wasn't really looking for anything like that right now."

Alice turned her body towards me more from the passenger seat. "Oh, really?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. She asked me out, and I told her the truth. I'm just not ready to date yet."

Alice looked down at her hands folded in her lap. She stayed quiet for a long portion of the ride. Silence wasn't good. Not because of Alice, but for me. Silence led me to think. I turned the radio up. I didn't know the song. And, so my mind began to wander.

Bella hadn't texted me back.

Was she mad that I was out with them and didn't invite her?

Was she mad that I wasn't at home?

Was she mad about Kate?

The song changed. Dave Matthews Band. I turned off the radio completely. Enough of that.

Finally, Alice spoke again. "We haven't talked about what we told you Sunday night." Her voice was a whisper and seemed unsure to broach such a topic.

"What you told me Sunday night?" I questioned, playing aloof. She hung her head and gave me a look from below her eyelashes to tell she wasn't buying it. I sighed, shrugging my shoulders as I turned into our gated apartment. "What about it?"

"You seem to be taking it okay."

I sighed, turning off the car. "I'm fine, Alice."

"Edward, I know you. You act this way about everything. You let it stir and stir inside of you until you can't handle it anymore and it explodes. If you just talk about it then maybe-"

"NO!" I shouted, roughly pushing my door open and stepping out into the cool summer night air. I slammed the door shut and took off towards the door. "I don't want to talk about it."

I heard her footsteps scrambling behind me. "I know everything just started to get on track for the two of you, and-"

"We're friends, Alice. Okay? No more." I unlocked the apartment door and walked in, not closing it behind me.

When I entered the living room, I heard the front door slam shut, and Alice's voice from behind me. "But what I saw in the kitchen-"

"What you saw in the kitchen was a mistake!" I yelled, spinning around to face her and point my finger in her face. Ignoring what had happened would never work if Alice kept this up.

"What? How can you say that?"

"Because it was! Because she is engaged."

"Not yet, she's not."

"STOP IT!" I screamed, stepping closer to her. "Stop giving me this false hope! Stop telling me we're meant to be together! Okay? It's not happening, Alice, or haven't you figured that out yet!"

"But she feels something for you! She told me!"

"So what? You think that means something? That means nothing! She'll never feel what I feel, okay? Give it up like I have," I murmured under my breath.

"Do you not still love her?" she demanded.

I sighed. "A little less today than I did yesterday." I felt my mouth run dry and my heart compress in my chest. "And I'll love her a little less tomorrow… until hopefully, one day, I just won't anymore."

"Are you serious? It doesn't work like that, Edward!"

"She doesn't want me, Alice!" I yelled. "She wants _him_! Now just accept it like I have."

"No, I won't!"

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE I HAVE FAITH!" She got as close to my face as her small frame would allow her and screamed at me, pointing me in the chest harshly with her index finger. "… something you have obviously lost!"

The slam of her door was the only crack in the silence of our apartment the rest of the night.

I stood in our living room with my body turned towards where Alice had just run from me. I was completely still for a long time, watching her closed door and doing what I told myself I wouldn't. Thinking. And even though I knew Alice was wrong about Bella and I, there was one thing she got right.

I had truly lost every ounce of faith I had left.

Wednesday, I worked and worked and worked until I was the most exhausted I had ever been. And even that night, I still couldn't sleep because I could do nothing but think.

On Thursday, after classes, I went to lunch with Kate again.

"I still can't believe my oldest brother is getting married in two days," I stated as we sat on the patio of a small pizza place, sharing slices of a meat lover's pizza.

"So, the one we had dinner with the other night… Jasper? He's the youngest?" she asked.

"No, I'm the youngest. Jasper's in the middle."

"Oh. Right." She nodded.

I frowned to myself, thinking of all the wedding stuff that I had ahead of me. Rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, the actual wedding, and of course, the reception at the Fairmont. All of which I had already lived through once, and all of which I had experienced with Bella. Now… this time around, I would be doing it all alone, being on the outside looking in. Inside, I wanted to see her; outside, I didn't. Truthfully, being with her and without her, friends or not friends, felt a lot like the same. I was empty no matter what.

I looked across the table at Kate. She was looking down at her slice of pizza, her blonde hair pulled back in a low ponytail today. Bella always wore high ponytails, and always slightly to the left. Kate was a beautiful woman, tall and lean, long legs and a dancer's thin torso. Bella was short and toned like a gymnast, and then I thought that this was what she had been referencing all along. Bella liked to compare. And even though, to her, she wasn't good enough; to me, everything about her was wonderful.

But to me, I just couldn't see Kate at all.

"What are you doing this weekend?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Her brown eyes rose up from her plate to look at me. "No plans so far."

"Would you like to be my date this weekend?" I asked.

Her eyebrows rose minutely before she recovered and her face relaxed once again. "To the wedding?"

I nodded. "To the wedding and the dinner tomorrow night. Just…." I swallowed, "… all of it."

A smile played across her face. "A date, huh?"

She was teasing me now.

I nodded and smiled as well. "As friends, of course… so maybe a non-date, uh, date."

She pretended to mull over it, looking tentative and pensive about it. But her smile returned, and she nodded once, abruptly. "Okay."

So, on Friday, I was nervous. Not quite sure why, but I was nonetheless.

"Black or pin-striped?" I asked Alice about my pants as she waited on me in the living room. For the first time, she was ready before I was.

She didn't even look up from her magazine in her hands. "Black."

"You didn't even look."

She sighed, glanced up at me from the corner of her eyes then looked back down. "Black."

"Are you sure?" I held the sides of my black pants out, pulling at them as I looked down. "They're a little tight. Have I gained weight? Do my thighs look bigger to you?"

"They're fine. Wear that green shirt you had on with them."

"What about my hair?" For this she looked at me. "What? It's getting longer. Should I gel it?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, her tone serious.

"Nevermind."

I turned on my heel and walked back to my room. Her cackling laughs were heard even after I slammed my door.

On a non-date date, it was better to not pick her up. I met her at the church where everyone in the wedding party was set to practice. I was sitting in the first pew in between Alice and Kate, listening to the wedding director go on and on about little minute details. I wasn't listening, for in fact, I had already done this once.

In the middle of this rotund woman's ramblings, a commotion sounded, laughter and heavy doors thrown open came from behind us all. In perfect unison, we all turned toward the noise. And just like that, Kate didn't exist. There was only _her._

Bella was linked on Blake's arm, wearing a too-tight-to-be-in-a-church black dress. Just like last time, Rose had instructed all of the bridesmaids to wear black while she wore a short, white cocktail dress. Only this time, Bella was not wearing the same dress. This one was tight, and uh, yeah. It was tight.

And short.

My nerves spiked.

Their laughter died down until their apologetic expressions were only left simmering towards the front as they walked, still linked… down the aisle. My throat constricted.

Bella's eyes drifted across everyone, smiling at the one's she knew until her eyes met mine. Her smile slowly fell when she saw Kate sitting on the other side of me. Immediately, she looked down at her feet, letting Blake lead her to a seat with a small but deliberate frown embellishing her soft features.

Once they were seated, the director continued until it was thirty minutes later, and it was time to actually practice. The whole wedding party gathered in the back of the church, on the other side of the double doors. We were in wide disarray talking animatedly with each other, while also being hushed every few minutes but truthfully, there was just no use.

"Down to get fucked up tonight?" Shally asked me.

I looked back at him in surprise. "It's the night before the wedding."

"So?"

"So… we have to be up early for pictures."

"And?"

"And… Rose told us not to get Emmett drunk."

"I'm not really sure where you're going with this, Edward."

Derrick pulled out a silver flask from inside his jacket pocket. I frowned at him and said, "I feel like you're going way too hard right now."

"Sorry for partying," was his only response.

"FBGM," Blake whispered in between Derrick and Shally in order for me to hear.

"Cheers to that," Derrick replied, raising his flask and taking a long swig.

"We're in a church," I stated.

"Edward, Edward, Edward…." Blake said, throwing his arm around me, leaning on me considerably. "If you're ever going to be a part of the FBGM, you're gonna need to… lighten up."

I didn't want to ask, but I did. "FBGM?"

"Fuck Bitches. Get Money." They all stated in perfect harmony.

Bella stepped forward, seemingly out of nowhere. "Oh, will you guys stop? You're scaring him." She smiled up at me; a smile which I instantly returned. "Derrick, put that away. What's wrong with you?"

Derrick smiled, leaning in closer to her. "Well, hey, Bella." She took a step back, hitting me in my chest. My fingers twitched by my side to touch her. I ignored it. "You look nice tonight," Derrick said.

Blake groaned from beside him, rolling his eyes but instead of commenting on it, instead of letting Derrick have it like I would have done if Bella were mine… yeah, instead of any of that, he turned and walked away to talk to Jasper.

"Quiet down, everyone!" the director yelled. "I'm going to put everyone in the lineup. Listen for your names."

I heard her. I knew she was talking; I could hear a faint calling of name after name, but my focus was solely on the warm body still pressed up against me. Slowly, I raised my hand and curled my fingers around her wrist hanging by her side and began to tug her towards the back of the line.

She followed me wordlessly, letting me lead her where I may. I set her behind the line of girls then stood beside her. When the wedding director got to us, her expression was somewhat surprised to already see us in our correct places, but I had done this once, and I knew exactly what to do.

The music began, same song as once before, and the couples ahead of us started forward. Alice and Jasper were in front of us, and once they were halfway down the aisle, I took Bella's hand and wrapped it around the crook of my arm.

In the corner of my eyes, I saw her baffled reaction as she watched our hands touch then her arm hung limp around mine. She didn't look up at me or say a single word as we began to walk, together, down the rows of pews and towards our friends and family.

Everyone was watching us. Not a single eye looked elsewhere. And it was silent, eerily quiet. I wanted to smile, but my thinking took over as it often did, and suddenly the only other person in the room was her… her and her black dress and her soft skin and her warm body and her cotton candy.

My eyes, of their own accord, went to Blake. He was looking thoughtfully at Bella, and I didn't have enough guts to look down to see if she was watching him too. If this was their moment… their moment that I was ruefully tainting with my straying thoughts, then I didn't want to know. But his eyes… _fuck_, his eyes told me he was thinking of them. How this would be them. I knew because at one time, I had thought the same thing.

My throat tightened, and my abdominal muscles clenched. I fought back a cough, making my eyes water slightly. I was going to fucking hell, no doubt about it.

Woefully, we parted, her on her side, me on mine. And we began the practice of a ceremony I'd already fucking lived through once before.

At the same large mansion as last time, we ate dinner. It was just as lovely, but a lot more depressing. Kate stayed by my side, lightening my foul mood by keeping me entertained and telling me all the one-liners the groomsmen had been giving her the whole night.

"The short one, Feltman, I think?" she asked as we sipped our flutes of champagne and ate cheesecake.

"Feltman, yeah," I confirmed.

"He said, 'I think I need a cup.' So I stopped, turned around and almost had to look down at this kid, he was so short. He grinned at me and said, 'Cuz you are one tall drink of water'."

I chuckled and silently thanked her for making this night the least bit bearable. And in a moment of weakness, I raised my eyes from our table and looked across the room to Bella's table. I had told myself over and over not to look at Blake and Bella curled around each other, sipping expensive champagne and laughing at stupid shit my parents kept telling them while they all sat together. But in this moment, I couldn't stop myself.

However, imagine my surprise when I found Bella only staring down the bottom of her champagne flute, dazed in her own mind. My eyes turned to Blake who seemed completely unaware of Bella's mood while his hand stayed on the back of her chair, playing with the ends of her hair and listening to my parents talk. A warming pain hit my chest, and I tried quelling it as I turned my head back down towards my cheesecake. When the pain only intensified, I felt myself start to pant.

"Are you okay?" Kate asked, laying her hand gently on my arm.

My eyes went to her hand then to her concerned brown eyes, and before I could even stop myself again, I looked at Bella, and I relaxed. She was watching us, her champagne flute now lying to her left and had been refilled. But her eyes…the blue in them darkened and glanced to the hand on top of my arm.

"I'll be okay," I said to Kate. Even though we were several feet away, I knew Bella had read my lips.

As the night continued to progress, everyone's parents and grandparents excluding mine and the Hales, left and all that remained were us…the wedding party and our dates. Oh yeah, and alcohol and music. I had begun to realize with this group of friends, no celebration was too small or too meager to not turn into a…into a…well, a party.

And before long, I felt out of place because I wasn't nearly as fucked up as everyone else.

"FUCK BITCHES! GET MONEYYYYYYYYYY!" Emmett bellowed, walking up to where Alice, Kate, Shally, Feltman and I were all standing around.

"Has Rose seen you?" Jasper asked because all knew how pissed off Rosalie would be when she knew how bombed he had gotten the night before the wedding.

"I lost her a while ago. She's probably off…whorin' 'round," he said, waving his hand dismissively. "I need a cigarette."

I chuckled under my breath as Shally reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out two cigarettes, handing one to Emmett. "Anyone else?" he asked.

We all shook our heads, except for Kate. "I'll take one actually." Shally raised his eyebrow to me, smirking slightly before he started to turn around to walk outside. "You coming?" Kate asked me.

I didn't smoke, but I thought a little night air might do me some good. So I shoved my hands in my pockets and nodded. "Yeah."

As I walked behind them, I felt it. Something in the air changed. I knew something was off, something was not right. The doom fell over me like a shiver running down my spine, and my eyes started darting all around, looking and searching for what I knew was to come. Something..._something_ was about to happen.

Finally, I saw her. Standing only a few feet away by herself, she was glaring at me with a look of disgust and malice entrancing her lovely face. My eyes narrowed, trying desperately to read her and understand what she was thinking – or based upon the feeling in my gut – what she was _planning_. She took a long sip from her tiny red straw, effectively finishing off her drink. Her eyes broke from mine as she set her empty glass down next to her and started sauntering ahead. A nervous feeling washed over me as I shut the door behind us as we finally made it outside.

Emmett, Shally and Kate were talking and laughing as they all puffed their cigarettes, but all I could think of was Bella's face and the same feeling in the bottom of my stomach that whatever was about to happen would possibly be the breaking point.

Then, the door opened and out walked Bella, still with the same heated expression. Everyone turned to look at who had come out, and when they saw it was Bella, they all smiled but turned back around and kept talking like nothing had happened. But I didn't. I couldn't help but watch her with rapt attention as she sauntered over to us, like a tiger about to pounce. She looked up at me once she was close enough for me to touch, but I didn't. I couldn't.

She interrupted them. "Can I have a cigarette?" she asked.

My eyes widened.

They quit talking.

Shally. "Sure." He handed her one cigarette then a lighter.

She put it to her lips. Her hands shook for a moment as she brought the lighter to her face. She quickly held her hands together tightly to stop the shaking. She lit it.

"Thanks." She handed the lighter back.

I knew she could feel me watching her. Slowly, her eyes lifted up to mine as she sucked in a long breath and pushed the smoke from her lips.

She didn't inhale. She doesn't smoke. I wasn't even sure if she ever had before.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked her but didn't care to hear her answer. I grabbed her arm and pulled her down the sidewalk to the other side of the building. She shuffled her high-heels after me but for the most part, she allowed me to man-handle her to a more secluded part outside, away from any questioning eyes or anyone who might hear what I had to say to her.

She yanked her arm away immediately after I let my grip loosen. She stood against the brick with her back pressed up against the building. I stood a few feet in front of her, running my hand over my hair and letting out a long sigh.

She took another puff, immediately blowing it out.

"What do you think you're doing?" I demanded.

"What?" she feigned innocence.

"Bella, you don't smoke."

"I do when I drink." No, she didn't. Why was she lying to me? "You don't know _everything_ about me."

I pushed down my immediate response to that and took a long breath before responding. "I know you don't smoke, Bella," I said through gritted teeth.

"So, it's perfectly fine for _Kate_ to smoke, but it's a sin for me to?" she asked through narrowed eyes.

"What?" I replied.

She sighed, throwing the hardly smoked cigarette down on the ground and stepping on it. A perfect black pump with perfect mile-long smooth legs under a perfect fitted black dress and below a perfect heart-shaped face, put out an unworthy, sordid cigarette.

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the dirty ground. "She likes you," she mumbled.

And then, in that moment, I knew the defiant tiger inside her from earlier had faded away, and all that was left now was a frightened kitten, standing small and unsure.

But…but in the depth of my pain and all of my circumstances, her words rang like unwanted alarm. She had twisted me and pushed me and jerked me around, and now all I could feel was the rage. Anger eclipsed my love in that moment and like a long, dark shadow the rage started to take over. It felt like my skin was going to crawl right off my fucking body as my blood started pumping harder and harder and faster and faster until I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"You know what, Bella?" Her eyes slowly rose until they met mine. "I thought I knew everything there was to know about you. But I really never realized what a cruel, selfish _bitch_ you are."

Her mouth fell open, too shocked to respond.

And the rage kept crawling.

"What do you want from me? You want me to just follow you around and pine after you for the rest of my life?"

I was drowning.

"Do you want me to just stand by and continue to allow you to jerk me around and play hot and cold with me forever?"

I was drowning and now she was going to drown with me.

"I can't do this anymore! I can't be your friend! You can't have your cake and eat it too. You _have_ to choose."

My heart pounded in my chest as I looked at her, still pressed against the wall with a look of sadness mixed with fury on her face.

"Look at what you've done to me!" she yelled at me, her arms stretched out to her sides. "I'm so confused and torn! What do you want me to say, Edward? That things haven't been right with Blake since I met you? Huh? Is that what you want to hear? Do you want to hear how I can't…I can't even think of anything else but how you might like Kate. And I don't know why. I don't know why I can't stand to even see her near you!"

"And do you think it's easy for me to see you with Blake?" I screamed right back at her. "Do you know how much it hurts when I see him touch you or _kiss_ you? You have no idea what that's like for me."

"You don't ever show it," she replied softly.

"That's because you're…" _engaged._ And in the midst of my rage, I almost said it. But I had made a promise, and even the demon I had become couldn't ruin that promise.

"I'm what?" she urged.

"You're…with Blake. And only you can be strong enough to distinguish the difference between the life you have and the life you want."

She looked away again and didn't respond. Then I had a thought. Maybe she wasn't as strong as I had once thought. Maybe she would never be. It had been _months_, and here I was still begging and pleading with someone who just wasn't strong enough.

So I took a step closer to her. She still didn't look up. "We could have had it all," I whispered.

When she didn't respond again, I stepped a little closer. I reached out and brushed her hair off of her right shoulder and said, "Have a nice life, Bella."

And I did what she was best at. I walked away.

I asked Kate if she was about ready to leave. The look on her face told me she wasn't, but the one on mine told her that I really needed to go. So I took her back to her car at the church. The ride there was silent, and it was exactly what I needed as well.

When I stopped in front of her car, she didn't move to open the door. Instead, she looked at me and broke the silence.

"Maybe this is for the best," she said.

I nodded. "Yeah. Maybe."

"You can't keep running in circles for her."

"I know," I replied.

"She is lovely though." For some odd reason, those words hurt me more than they should have. And I had to shut my eyes tight to keep from breaking down. Kate laid her hand gently over mine and said once more, "She'll wake up soon."

She got out of the car, and I was alone.

The next day was the wedding. A wedding. A public declaration of eternal love and devotion. Two lives becoming one. Exchanging of vows and promises upheld by the purity of an everlasting, all-consuming love.

My hell.

I opened my eyes the next morning and just laid there. I didn't move at all. I only stared above me at my white ceiling. Today was the day. Today was the day Bella would get engaged to someone other than me, and I didn't want to face it.

I was up before my alarm and out the door before Alice was up. I was the first one at the church.

So I sat in my tuxedo on the first row of pews and stared straight ahead. I felt numb, like the pain had killed every feeling I had left. I was dead. There was nothing left of me here.

I sat there until the florists came in and started arranging the flowers. I went to the back of the church to go for a walk outside and opened the door. It was raining. No thunder, no lightening. Just pouring rain. I thought of last time, how it was beautiful outside. But that was all I would let myself think about.

Once everyone started arriving, the groomsmen, who were ready before the bridesmaids, started taking pictures. When the bridesmaids came out, I didn't even look at her. I wouldn't allow myself. We took hundreds of pictures, all of which were taken inside since the rain wasn't letting up. I never, not once, glanced at her.

Before the service, all of the groomsmen were packed in a room just like last time. Blake and I were sitting next to each other as everyone else cut up and laughed, talking about last night; but Blake remained mostly silent. He stared straight ahead, bouncing his leg up and down.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

He startled some like he forgot I was even next to him. He took a long breath and nodded his head. "Yeah, I'm fine." I nodded my head to let him know I heard him, but didn't reply back. I really didn't feel like talking either.

The wedding coordinator came and got us, and we followed her to the back of the church to line up like we had last night. I got in the back and waited. I stood with my hand shoved in my pockets, feeling a little nervous but still mostly numb.

I waited and waited.

And waited.

The music started to play. I craned my neck around the tops of everyone's head, searching for her. I never found her. They started walking. I frantically looked behind me in case she slipped by and I hadn't seen her. But no luck.

"Where's Bella?" I whispered to Alice in front of me.

She glanced behind her, her arm linked with Jasper's. "I don't know. She was right behind me earlier."

"Well, she's not now. Where is she?"

Her icy blue eyes darted around the large room and even into the church before she looked back at me and shrugged. "I don't know."

I groaned. The couple in front of them were about to walk, and I was going to so fucking embarrassed when I had to walk down by myself.

"There she is!" Alice said.

And finally, I looked at her. She came out of a side door, hidden away in the shadows. She ran up to us as fast she could in her heels, and immediately reached out for my hand. She smiled at Alice, giving her assurance that she was okay. Alice smiled too and turned back around.

She then looked up at me, blue eyes streaming. She let go of my hand then threaded her arm with mine. In the corner of my eye, I saw Alice and Jasper start to walk forward.

As they did, Bella smiled at me and said, "I'm sorry I'm late. But at least I made it."

For the first time that day, I smiled too.

The ceremony was the same as the last, minus me dropping any birth control pills while fishing for the ring in my pocket. As the recessional music began to play, Bella and I were the first to link arms once again and descend the aisle. Once back in the room we had started in, she turned to me, beaming with joy as everyone else around us cheered and clapped. Her arm slipped from mine, and her hand instantly caught mine, threading our fingers together. I smiled back at her, giving her hand a slight squeeze.

Then all at once, she was in the arms of Blake, and our fingers slowly fell apart until we were no longer joined. He lifted her up and spun her around, as I once had many months ago. They kissed, but she wasn't smiling.

I looked away as we were led outside to the limo that would take us to the reception.

At the reception, I was numb again. Kate was there, but she barely talked to me. I supposed it was my mood, so she mostly left me alone. I watched people dance and sing and everything play out as it once had. Blake still acted nervous and oddly silent, and Bella's mood somewhat reflected my own. But I stayed away from them.

I didn't dance. Not even with Kate. And not even when Alice begged me to dance with her. I just wanted out of there. A few hours into the reception, Rosalie and Emmett left to catch the red-eye to their honeymoon in Hawaii.

I knew what was about to happen next, and I really just couldn't be there when it did.

So I excused myself from Kate, telling her to stay if she wanted to and enjoy herself. She hugged me good-bye and told me everything would be just fine.

I told Alice good-bye and that I'd see her tomorrow since she was staying at Jasper's for the night. She hugged me too, the sadness and look of pity in her eyes made my numbness fade slightly, giving way to the pools of pain. But I closed myself up as I walked away from the celebration of love and happiness to be alone and wallow in my own mistakes.

I didn't look back.

When I made it home, I immediately took off my tuxedo and laid around the house in just a pair of boxers. I was only there for an hour before I got a phone call.

It was Alice.

"Hello?" I answered, thinking she was checking up on me.

"Edward? Edward?" her voice was high and frantic, panic-stricken.

I suddenly sat up on the couch. "Alice? What's wrong?"

"Edward, she said no."

Time stopped instantly.

"What?" I heard her wrong.

"She said no, Edward. Blake proposed, and she said no."

My heart started beating rapidly in my chest. Blood pumping wildly through my veins. Words caught in my throat, and I blinked to try to wake myself up. I had to be dreaming.

"But she's gone. She just ran away. No one can find her. She won't answer our calls," Alice continued. "Edward?"

"What? Yeah, I'm here."

"Will you try calling her and see if she answers for you?" she asked.

"Yeah. Of course."

"Okay."

I was silent on the phone with her for a few moments, wrapping my mind and my heart around the fact that Bella _wasn't_ engaged. She told him no.

"Oh. And Edward?" Alice said.

"Yeah?"

"She told him she was in love with someone else."

_Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,_

_It will set you free._

"_Sigh No More" - Mumford & Sons_

* * *

**A/N: No teaser this time. Why? Well, because it would give the whole damn chapter away.**

**See you in two weeks. With fruit. _Sour_ fruit.**


	28. Stay

**a/n: Shut the front door! I'm updating a week early? Yup.**

**My beta, EE, helped me tremendously on this chapter. I am so grateful to her. She knew how nervous I was about it, but she definitely made my words readable. Also, my pre-readers who do so much more than just reading, cejsmom and Kassiah are amazing. Truly.**

**Kassiah rec'd me on Fictionators this week. YAY! I was so excited. You can read the review on my profile.**

**So, some of you didn't get my fruit reference from last chapter. So let me give you a clearer warning: LEMON AHEAD! PROCEED WITH CAUTION! Oh, and there's more than just one. **

* * *

_Let's take it slow,_

_I don't wanna move too fast._

_I don't wanna just make love,_

_I wanna make love last._

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Stay

After I hung up with Alice, I immediately called Bella. It went straight to her voicemail. I tried again… and again and again. Then, after the fifth time, I left her a message.

"_Hey, Bella. It's Edward. I guess your phone's off, but I, uh, I really need you to call me back, okay? I… I talked to Alice. She told me what happened. Listen, Bella… just… please call me back. Um, bye."_

I tossed my phone aside and started pacing the room. I ran my hand over my hair again and again, calming my rapidly beating heart. But there was no use. I desperately needed to see her, and I couldn't wait around.

I threw on just a t-shirt with my boxers and opened my apartment door. It was still pouring rain, but I didn't care at all as I climbed the stairs and headed towards her apartment. I banged on the door. No answer. I banged again and again, but there was no response. I peeked in the side window, getting myself even more soaked while doing so, but I saw no one. All the lights were off as well.

I ran back to my apartment, tossing my soaking wet t-shirt on the tile floor with a loud smack. I grabbed my phone up the next moment and checked to see if she had called me back in those few minutes while I was gone. No luck.

I took one step towards the bathroom to get a towel when I heard a knock at the door.

My pulse quickened, and somehow, I just knew it was her. I took another step towards the bathroom. I at least needed to cover up or something. All I had on was a flimsy pair of soaked boxers, but another, this time much _louder_, banging rang again from the door.

Slowly and hesitantly, I went to the door. I knew this would be our defining moment. This moment would change everything. In some ways, I was ready. In other ways, I was extremely frightened.

The ready won out, and I opened the door.

And there she was… soaking wet with her hair down around her shoulders still dressed in her bridesmaid's dress. I looked into her eyes, expecting to see tears and grief and sadness. Instead, I found fire and ice. Bella was mad.

"Bella, where are you-" I didn't get to finish my first sentence before she stepped into the apartment, straightened out both of her arms and pushed me hard in my chest. I flew backwards a couple of steps, shocked and confused.

"You don't get to talk right now!" she yelled at me. Forget mad. Bella was enraged, leaving me seriously confused. "I'm sick of hearing what you have to say!" And she pushed me again. I took a couple more steps backwards, allowing her to push me and not fight back. "Look at what you've done to me!" she cried, saying the same thing she had already said to me last night. "I'm selfish? I'm a selfish bitch? You're the one who thought of _no one_ but yourself whenever you told me you loved me!" And she pushed me yet again. This time I grabbed for her wrists, but she twisted her wet arms out of my grip, resting them by her sides. "You're the one who has done this to me! You're the one who has fucked my whole life and changed everything I have ever believed in!" She pushed me again. "I can't stand you! I hate you for what you've done!" And this time when she pushed me, she threw me against a wall in the hallway.

I took her wrists in my hands, holding on as tightly as possible as she fought against me, pulling and raging like an animal being caught in a vice. "Bella, stop!"

So she did. She didn't fight me. She let me hold her wrists against my chest until she calmed enough for me to finally look at her. She stared up at me, fire still in her eyes. We stood there, both of us soaked from the rain, while searching each other's eyes. Her baby blues bounced from right to left, searching my eyes over and over. I felt her body sag, giving up and surrendering to me. Then, her eyes left mine long enough to glance at my lips.

She pulled her wrists away slowly, laying her hands back down at her sides. She stared up at me as she whispered in one breath, "I'm not asking you to kiss me anymore."

Then, she kissed me.

Her hands gripped my face as tightly as my hands had held her wrists. Her body pressed against mine everywhere, the wet silk from her dress sticking to the bare skin of my chest. Her lips tasted like _her_. No lip gloss, no alcohol flavor. Just her. My hands slowly rose from beside me and held onto her lower back, hugging her to me.

Her lips moved against mine just as they once had so long ago. They danced in perfect rhythm, touching with passion when needed and lightly when trying to be tender. I moaned into her mouth when she parted her lips and rolled her tongue against mine. Her arms grabbed my neck, wanting more, needing more, but the wall behind my head was in the way.

I really couldn't remember the last time I had been so turned on, and I _really_ couldn't remember the last time I came. But kissing her now felt like it once did, only better… because I knew it was real.

All of this was now very real, and so much better than any dream ever could be.

My hand swam from the top of her ass up her back then under her arms to the backs of her shoulders. I squeezed her like I was hugging her closer, our lips never parting. I kissed her with so much intensity, so much passion that I saw stars behind my eyelids, and my body felt on fire.

Her right leg came up and curled around my hip, pulling my lower body until my dick was pressed against her stomach.

It must have startled her because she broke from my lips, gasping for breath. She glanced down at my tented boxers then back up into my eyes, never letting her leg fall. Her blue eyes were wide and mischievous. "Oh," was all she said.

I smiled at her, not sorry at all for being so aroused just from kissing her. I pulled her back to me, using my hands to grasp her hips as her lips wrapped around mine once again. She let out a long, muffled moan when I pressed my dick back into her stomach. Her hands clawed at my neck and shoulders, feeling like she wanted to crawl right up my body.

So, I dropped my hands down to her ass and lifted her up in the air, pushing off from the wall so she could wrap her legs around me. My erection was pushed in between us, but she started letting out breathy moans against my lips when I would thrust my hips against her.

I started to walk us down the hallway but went slowly because I couldn't see, obviously, and I really didn't want to let her lips go. Her fingers curled along the fine edges of my hair on the back of my neck, but with my hair being so short, I felt her fingernails lightly scratch. And every sensation they made went straight to my throbbing dick.

She started grinding on me slowly as I walked, which made me slightly lose my grip on her ass, making her slip some. Blindly, I threw her against the other wall, knocking over a picture and adjusting my hold. When I had to separate a small amount to adjust her, she slipped her hand in between us and wrapped her delicate, little hand around my clothed cock.

"Holy fuck," I whispered, throwing my head back with my eyes shut tight.

"Oh my _god_," she murmured at the same time.

I raised my head and looked into her eyes. "What?" I asked.

Her cheeks tinted pink, but she whispered a hurried, "Nothing," before her lips descended to mine once again.

We kissed while I held her against the wall and while she massaged my dick in long, languid strokes over my boxers. It was the most action my cock had seen in _months_. And it was going to be really fucking hard to calm down if she wanted anything else to happen.

So I held onto her ass tightly as I pulled away to walk her down the hallway. She started kissing my neck and shoulders, still rubbing me. I only made it to the kitchen before I had to kiss her again. I set her on the counter, seeking her lips with my own.

"I want you," she whispered.

Those words were all the confirmation I needed. And in that moment, I had never even heard of the name Blake.

I fingered the straps of her dress that were clasped around the back of her neck. I felt the miniature buttons and tried to open them. Her tongue ran over my ear lobe as I tried again to undo the two cloth buttons. They were just not coming undone; my fingers kept slipping and slipping off of the them. She lightly bit my ear, and I groaned loudly, out of frustration and pleasure.

She brought her lips up to my ear and said in a low tone, "They're snaps."

I sighed, feeling slightly stupid and immediately pulled the two straps apart. I leaned back to watch the flimsy fabric slip off her shoulders and fall down her body to reveal her black strapless bra. Instead of waiting on me, she looked into my eyes as she wordlessly reached behind her and unclasped it then threw it on the floor beside us.

She watched me warily as my eyes raked over her creamy skin. It felt like years since I had seen her like this, but oddly, at the same time, it felt like just yesterday. My thoughts ran back to all of those times before and how the very first time I ever saw her breasts was the same morning that I woke up in Seattle, confused and frightened.

I must have stared unmoving for too long because she started to bring her arms up to cover herself. But I immediately held her arms away and kissed her. I pressed my bare chest against hers, stepping in between her knees. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip before dipping it inside her mouth where she immediately wrapped hers around it. Slowly… very, _very_ slowly I raised my hand and laid it gently on her breast. Her breathing increased as I cupped it, kneading it tenderly with my fingers. She started panting under my fingertips as my hand got rougher. Her skin heated up as she pressed herself into my hand, urging me to be more and more rough with her.

I dipped my head, leaving her lips and following a trail with kisses from her neck down her sternum to her breast that wasn't being grabbed forcefully with my hand. Her fingers gently massaged my scalp as I flicked her nipple with my tongue once to her moan then twice more for my own pleasure. I finally took it between my lips, swirling my tongue around it then biting it gently before standing back up.

She moaned at the loss, but I silenced her with my lips. I kissed her once more before I pulled back to look at her briefly.

"You're so fucking beautiful," I breathed against her neck. Her sweet candy smell felt like it was surrounding me from all sides, closing me in and holding me to her.

"I want you," she said again.

I took in a long breath and stood up, pulling away from her. I reached under her dress and hooked my fingers around the strings of her panties. She rose up and straightening her legs in front of her, beside my head and allowing me to remove them. I tossed them next to her bra, and when I looked back at her, she had her high-heeled feet resting on the edges of the counter with her knees pressed in front of her body.

I gulped when I looked in between her legs, and I knew there was absolutely no turning back now. This would surely change everything, and it was all up to her if it would be for the good or for the bad.

But she had me. She fucking had me in her claws, her nails in me so deep there was no letting go. And I didn't want to be let go.

I slowly knelt in front of her, getting a wonderful view of her pussy. Using my index finger, I lightly touched her slit from top to bottom before withdrawing it and thrusting my middle finger inside. She sucked in a sharp breath in surprise. I added another finger before curling them both inside her, feeling the fleshy inside of her walls.

She contracted against my finger, panting and moaning under my touch. I leaned forward and softly laid my tongue flat against her clit. She gasped, digging her hands into my hair. As I swirled the tip of my tongue around her swollen clit, I glanced up at her. She was staring down at me with her lip caught between her teeth, and whenever I started flicking and sucking her bundle of nerves over and over, she threw her head back and made the noises I had missed more than anything.

As she squeezed my fingers and came on my tongue, she whimpered. Over and over as she rode out her orgasm, she made sex-whimpers and whispered my name.

Not Blake's.

Mine.

I removed my hand but before I could fully stand up, she had leapt from the counter and unzipped her dress, letting it fall to the ground. She stepped out of it, leaving her heels on and took my hand in hers. I watched a naked Bella drag me to my bedroom and shut the door as soon as we were both inside. Then she pushed me up against it, immediately attacking my mouth with hers.

I was barely able to enjoy our kiss before she started descending down my body. And oh, my Great Gatsby, she was about to… no, she wasn't… was she?

She kissed her way along each side of my neck while I grabbed at her waist and her boobs, just anything I could touch. Her wet hair tickled my stomach as she bent slightly to kiss each of my pectorals, rolling her tongue briefly around each nipple. Then there was no question about what she was going to do next.

Slowly, she dropped to her knees, kissing along the rim of my boxers before dropping them to my feet. She tentatively touched my dick, running her finger along the underside from bottom to top then back again. I had to hold my resolve from thrusting my hips in her face again and again, but whenever my cock started twitching underneath her touch, she slowly leaned forward and licked the wet tip.

"_Fuckkkkk_…." I groaned, balling my hands into fists by my sides.

I watched her with rapt attention as she smiled up at me then licked it again the same way.

"Oh, baby," I whispered.

She then swirled her tongue around the tip before sliding her mouth forward to take as much of me as she could. My hands jerked to the sides, finding something to hold onto so I wouldn't be tempted to hold her hair. I ended up knocking a small, framed painting from the wall and a few things off of the side table next to me. Bella wasn't fazed at all. She kept up a steady rhythm of bobbing her head on me again and again, pumping her hand on the base of my cock that she couldn't take in. She pulled back once more to swirl the head again before diving back onto my length.

It had been way too long for me, and all too soon I began to feel the familiar stirring in my lower abs. And right as I was about to stop her so I wouldn't come, she held my dick tightly with her hand and ran the head of it along the inside wall of her mouth then popped it out suddenly.

"Whoa, stop, baby," I murmured breathily as I bent down and gently cupped her cheek. I brought her to her feet with my hands and gently kissed her lips. I led her backwards to my bed where she sat and scooted until she was resting in the very middle.

I stood there for a moment just staring at her completely naked except for the black heels still on her feet while sitting in my bed where I had spent every night we had been apart, praying for this miracle to happen. And the time had come. She had chosen me, even if it was just for one night. Still, tonight she was mine.

I started to crawl towards her. Reaching out to her, I took her foot in my hand and kissed her ankle while slipping her high-heel off. I paid the same consideration to her other foot then gently laid it back down. As I crawled on top of her, she fell back onto my sheets, allowing me to cover her body with mine.

This had all been so frantic and fast, and now…now that it was time to finally take what I had been wanting for so long, I needed some sort of confirmation that she wouldn't regret this…that this was without a doubt what she wanted. But the truth was, in this moment, I almost didn't care because even it was just for tonight, then that would be all right. I would have to live with it. So it might not have been what she wanted, but it was definitely what I _needed_.

In my eyes, she must have seen my concern, so for the third time, she whispered, "I want _you_, Edward." And I knew then what she was trying to say without actually saying it.

Her legs parted, allowing me room to sink on top of her and cover my body with hers. She played with the ends of my hair along my neck while I rested on my elbows and stared down into her big blue eyes. She raised her legs to either side of my hips, bending them at the knee, and slowly I entered her. Her pink lips parted, letting out a sweet gasp, but her eyes stayed locked on mine.

And being inside her, after all this time, felt just as much like home as it had so long ago. The slick heat that surrounded me was like feeling whole again, like a void I had been missing. She clenched around me, and I bit back a groan at the sensation.

I began to move inside her, pumping slowly at first then faster and faster. She started whimpering but her eyes never strayed. I rose up on my hands to thrust harder and deeper. Her hands slid from my neck to my back where her fingernails dug into my skin. She moaned the faster I went, clenching and letting go over and over around me. When I felt the familiar warmth start to spread around my stomach, I sat up quickly, sitting back on my haunches.

As I felt it subside, I held her legs, pushing her knees to her chest and started pumping again. Her moans grew louder and louder until they were almost screams. She still watched me above her as I whimpered with exertion and pleasure.

I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell her how good this felt, how much I loved her, how nothing could ever compare to this feeling, but the sensations and vibrations taking over my entire body left me speechless. My voice was paralyzed with too much emotion and too many feelings for me to even form any type of logic.

At the same time, it all felt like too much but also not enough.

She moaned my name over and over, and I knew from experience that meant she was close. So I scooped her in my arms, sat down with my legs outstretched in front of me and brought her into my lap. I never left her body, never lost the connection. She crossed her legs around my back and began pushing against me. Her forehead rested against mine as I gripped her ass and grinded into her over and over again.

Her body suddenly stilled, and her mouth fell open in a silent scream. I grinded faster, pushing her against me harder and quicker until I felt her clench tightly around me then start to flutter. Not able to last a moment longer, I came inside her.

She hugged me close, pressing our rising and falling chests together and laying her head on my shoulder, her face turned towards my neck. We sat just like that with our wet bodies held firmly together, breathing as one, connected as one for several minutes, until her weight went completely slack against me.

I laid her down in my sheets, pulling out of her slowly. I rested beside her, pulling her close to me and holding her in my arms, her head pressed against my heart. In her sleep, her fingers sought out my skin until she had her arm draped lazily over my stomach.

With one hand, I brought the sheet around our bodies before falling asleep and not dreaming a damn thing.

A light sensation over my heart woke me up. My eyes fluttered open as the sensation happened again and again right over my heart. It was still dark outside, the only light in the entire room being the soft moonlight streaming in between my blinds over my windows and casting small white stripes over her naked skin.

She kept kissing over my heart again and again until my hand rested gently on her back. She threw her curly hair over her shoulder to look me in the eye when she knew I was awake.

She smiled shyly at me, laying her chin where she had just kissed. "I'm sorry I woke you."

I pushed a lock of hair behind her ear only to watch it flop back in place. "You're not sorry at all."

She giggled, leaning up to kiss me chastely. "You're right. I'm not sorry."

I ran my fingers lightly over her bare back, feeling the silkiness of her skin underneath my touch like rain on top of rocks. She kissed me again, this time longer and deeper, rolling her tongue over my lips and lightly into my mouth. My fingers curled in her hair, brushing through each lock.

I pulled back with a sigh, shutting my eyes tight and willing away the thoughts running through my mind.

"What's wrong?" she asked with worry and confusion in her voice.

I opened my eyes. "Can we talk for a minute?"

She let out a long breath, which fanned across my chest then moved to lie beside me still under the covers. I turned over to face her, folding my arms underneath my pillow.

"What happened tonight with Blake, Bella?" I asked her hesitantly.

She mirrored my position, facing me with her cheek pressed to the pillow and her hands folded in between us. I cupped her other cheek, running my fingers from her jaw, down her arm until finally resting on her left hand where I laid a gentle, single kiss on her_ bare_ ring finger.

She sighed again then started her story I had needed to hear for a long time.

"When Blake and I first got together, there was this instant attraction between us. I had just come to college, and he was a junior, and he was just so _infatuated _with me. I ate it up. So we started dating, and it lasted for a few months. But there was no… passion. No spark. We never had a fight. Not one. And yeah, I guess that's a good thing, but it was like we didn't care enough to even fight. So, we ended it but stayed good friends.

"Then I met Jacob. And we just clicked. We liked the same things, wanted the same things. He was smart and so sweet to me. He took care of me and made me feel safe, and I thought it was love. We were serious for almost two years before Rosalie told me she had seen him at the movies with another girl. I made excuses for him. I told her it was probably just too dark in the theater to tell if it was truly him, and she just probably mistook him for someone else. Then, a few weeks later, Alice saw him at lunch with a girl that looked almost exactly like the one Rose had described. So, finally, I asked him about it. He said her name was Emily, and she worked with him. He swore to me they were just friends, nothing else. I believed him because I was friends with Emmett and Blake and Jasper and all the other guys, so I couldn't really fault him for having a friend that was a girl.

"But then one day, Blake went over to Jake's apartment during the day, and he found him in bed with Emily. He kicked his ass pretty good before telling me about it. And I was… I was devastated. Jacob and I had never… I mean, I was still young and just not ready to… ya know. I guess, in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn't as attracted to him as I should have been after being together for several years. But after all that, I went into this sort of… depression. I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't eat. I never left my apartment. I never saw my friends no matter how often they begged me to go out with them.

"It was a really hard time in my life. I honestly thought I was in love with him. And he just completely _broke_ me. About six months went by before Blake started visiting me every day. I looked awful, I'm sure. I was under a hundred pounds for the first time since I was like ten years old, but slowly he brought me back to life. I started going out with him and everyone else. He and I started spending a lot of time together… alone. Then, one day, he kissed me. And I… I let him. And we just ended up dating. And when I went with him to a work party a few weeks later, he introduced me as his girlfriend. And I didn't correct him. And even though, I still never felt that spark with him, he and I became… physical. And then, before I knew it, two years had gone by, and he told me he was moving in. And I… I… just said 'okay'."

She blinked, sending a lone tear down her cheek.

"Then tonight… we were slow dancing at the reception after Em and Rose left when he asked me to go outside with him on the balcony. And… and I _knew_, ya know? I just _knew_ what was about to happen. He had been nervous all night, and… and something in the back of my mind kept giving me this feeling like he was going to… going to…." she sighed, shutting her eyes and letting more tears fall. I reached up with my hand that wasn't still holding hers and wiped them away with my thumb.

Her eyes fluttered back open, and she continued on. "So we were outside alone, and he was just… sweating and acting weird; he was so nervous his voice was shaking. At first, he was looking up at the stars and talking about the sky and the moon. Then all of a sudden, he knelt on one knee. My heart just… plummeted to my stomach. Then, he told me how much he loved me; how he would _always_ love me; how there would never be anyone else but me for him.

"And the only thing I could think about was _you_," she whispered. "How fucked up is that? That I was thinking about someone else while my _boyfriend_ was trying to propose to me? And then, I just knew. I knew I couldn't give in to him once again just to spare his feelings. So I told him no… I couldn't marry him because I was in love with someone else. And… and then I ran. I ran as fast as I could, jumped in the car and just started driving.

"There is no doubt in my mind that I love Blake. But I just don't love him… _enough_. I want a love with passion and fire and tingles. I want to argue and fight and make up. I want a love that consumes _everything_. I want a love I can't live without."

She sat up, leaning on her arm over me and bringing the sheet around her. Her tears had dried, and it was only determination in her eyes as she looked down at me.

"I thought I was in love twice in my life. But Edward… no one has ever made me feel the way you do."

I sat up too until we were face to face, only inches apart. I watched her with rapt attention, like her next words would be what I would always remember as my saving grace. My stomach was in knots, and my heart was trembling in my chest.

And in the darkness of the early morning of a new day, she whispered to me the words I had longed to hear.

"Edward… _I love you_." She smiled a small, shy smile. "You give me tingles."

My heart soared, and the smile on my face could not have been broader. Bella loved me. And I wasn't dreaming.

"I do?" I asked, still smiling.

"You do," she confirmed.

I took her face in my hands and kissed her. A long, deep kiss that I poured my heart into. This was the moment I had waited all my life for. Not months, not years. But my whole life. This woman found it in her heart to love me. And it had been a rough road, but here we were in love.

"I love you. So much. I can't live without you," I pulled back long enough to tell her.

She smiled with her face still in my hands. "I can't live without you either." A small tear dropped on my thumb as she said, "I'm in love with you."

I sighed, brushing her tear away. "You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that."

I laid her back down, kissing her and holding her close to me while I moved in between her legs. Our fingers found purchase in each other's as our hands clasped on either side of her head, pushing into the bed.

I entered her in one thrust, making her moan against my lips. We made love fast and frenzied this time. She came easily because I knew just what she liked and how she liked it. I knew her body better than anyone, so I played it like a finely tuned instrument until she came for me, hard and fast.

I came right after her, finally telling her how good she felt and how much I loved her. She whimpered back to me everything I had always hoped she would as we collapsed yet again.

With her back pressed against my chest, she spoke softly, "What are we going to do now?"

"Sleep," I mumbled. But I knew that wasn't what she meant, so I finished by saying, "… then we'll figure the rest out in the morning."

She nodded her head slightly before whispering, "Good night, Edward. I love you."

I smiled with my eyes closed and my arm draped around her middle. "Good night, baby. I love you too."

For the first time in months, since the night I woke up to reality, I fell asleep quickly and slept through the entire night.

I woke up to slight movement beside me. I opened one eye, only to be met with the back of Bella's head. We hadn't moved at all during the night, well except for my hand which had traveled on its own at some point and was now firmly attached to her boob. But the movement continued, and as my eyes went down our bodies, I finally noticed the motion was coming from Bella.

Bella was grinding her ass on my morning wood in her sleep.

I rose up on my elbow some to see her face. Her eyes were shut peacefully, but her lips were slightly parted as she panted and continued to move her ass against me. I decided to test the waters since this had never happened between us before by squeezing her breast a little more firmly. In direct response, she moaned out loud and pressed her ass even more firmly against my dick, sandwiched in between us.

By now, I was really fucking turned on, so I leaned down and started to gently leave kisses along her exposed neck. She still grinded on me but never showed signs of fully waking. Slowly, I let go of her boob and trailed my fingers down the side of her chest, over her hip and in between her legs. Since her knees were bent, I couldn't stretch my arm out far enough to feel her pussy from the front, so I gently rubbed my hand over the soft skin of her ass then slipped my hand far enough in between her cheeks to feel her aroused wetness.

She stilled completely.

I turned my head to look down at her and was met with two wide, blue eyes. I circled my middle finger around her clit once then twice before dipping into her. Her eyes fluttered shut as she let out a short, soft whimper. I kissed her shoulder while adding another finger and immediately curling both of them inside of her. She moaned, this time longer and louder, and gripped the sheet by her head tightly.

"Oh, god," she groaned as my fingers curled again and again inside her.

I kissed the expanse of her neck up to her ear where I whispered to her, "Do you like that?"

"Ung… yes."

My dick was painfully hard, like we hadn't just made love twice in only a few hours. "I need to be inside you, baby. Okay?"

She nodded her head vigorously with her eyes still shut tight and with her bottom lip in between her teeth. I quickly removed my fingers from inside her and pumped myself a few times with her juices and mine before plunging into her.

She let out a long, deep sigh, like she had been holding her breath until she felt me inside her. Her eyes opened wide then searched for mine. She watched me as I gripped her hip and started to move inside her from behind, lying down. I felt completely surrounded by her… by her warmth… by her slickness… by her entire body.

I had only been inside her for a few moments before I started to feel her tighten.

"God, I'm about to come…." she whispered breathily.

I pumped faster and harder, hearing the slapping of our skin over her deep moans. Soon, she clenched around me at the same time her body stilled. When I felt her fluttering walls start to subside and her body go slack, I slipped out of her.

I positioned her on her back while I sat on my knees in front of her with her legs open and bent at the knee. I lightly ran my thumb along her swollen flesh while she tried to control her breathing.

She looked up at me, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "I can't… come… again," she said between breaths.

I smiled down at her then leaned forward to lick a long circle around one of her nipples. I took it between my lips, leaving a wet kiss before popping it out of my lips. "Sure, you can, baby. One more time."

She shook her head, throwing her arm over her eyes. "I can't. I'm telling you…."

I chuckled under my breath while sitting back up and taking my pillow I had been laying on and placing it underneath her ass, raising her bottom half up. She removed her arm from her face to watch me. Once I had her positioned just right, I sank my cock back into her.

She let out another long sigh and cursed under her breath. I held onto each of her hips as I pounded inside her. She held onto the headboard behind her, but pushed against me in rhythm with every force of my hips.

I felt a tingling in my stomach but tried my best to hold it off before Bella could come. I was bound and determined to have her come again, and because I knew her body so well, I knew just how to make that happen.

I lifted her legs against my chest until her ankles were almost touching my ears, then I leaned my entire body forward as my arms locked next to her head. She didn't protest at all; instead, she moaned as I began to thrust deeper and harder again and again and again.

Then, her entire body flushed and stilled except for her pussy that held tight around my dick. I only had to thrust a few more times before I came too, seeing stars and fireworks behind my eyes from the force of such an intense, mind-blowing orgasm.

"_Goddamn_," I sighed as I collapsed beside her on the bed.

She turned towards me to lay her head on my chest and her arm around my waist. "You gotta be kidding me," she muttered as she slowed her labored breaths. "You're amazing."

I laughed under my breath and kissed her forehead. "You are too, sweetheart."

"Am I as good as I was in your dream?"

I sighed, feeling my eyes droop once again. "So much better."

When I woke up again, I thought I was dreaming at first. A feeling of light licking was caressing my face over and over again.

"Brody, stop!" I heard Bella shout.

My eyes fluttered open, only to be met with two brown eyes and big floppy chocolate brown ears. I grimaced and pushed against Brody's small body.

Bella's giggling kept on until I sat up and wiped the sleep from my eyes. When my eyes focused, I could clearly see Bella sitting on the end of the bed with her arms outstretched grabbing Brody off of me. She was wearing only a grey t-shirt of mine that said Berkley in black across the chest.

Finally, she looked at me, taking Brody in her arms. "Good morning," she smiled.

"Morning," I grinned back.

"She was whining in her crate so I let her out," she said.

I nodded. "That's fine. I forgot to let her out when I got back from the reception."

She glanced down at her body and blushed. "And I just grabbed one of your shirts…."

I stopped her. "You look great."

She smiled widely and leaned forward with Brody still under her arm and kissed me. Her hair was still curled in big messy curls from the wedding, but her makeup was almost completely worn off. She looked so beautiful. Our kiss deepened as I leaned back into the pillows once again, her body covering mine and straddling my hips. Brody dropped beside us, billowing her in the sheets.

I groaned when Bella's hand grazed my dick. "You're gonna kill me, woman." She smiled against my lips then kissed me once more. "I need foooooood," I groaned.

She giggled. "What do you want?"

"Some… bacon."

She kissed me again. "And what else?"

"Some… pancakes."

A ringing sounded suddenly. It was faint, but it was clearly heard in the silence of the morning light.

"That's your phone," she said.

"I don't care," I replied, my arms coming up to wrap around her.

She pulled back. "Come on. Let's eat something."

I slipped on a pair of boxers and followed her out into the living room. My phone was right where I had left it last night on the couch. I picked it up, glancing at the screen.

Right as I did, the call went to voicemail.

It was Alice.

I checked my missed calls.

"Damn, Alice has called me about a hundred times," I told her.

I watched as Bella picked her phone up from the pile of clothes in the living room and sat on the couch. She turned her phone on. "I have ten voicemails and twenty-two text messages," she stated.

She slowly lifted her phone to her ear. I knew I should have given her some privacy. I knew I should have walked out and let her listen to her messages on her own. But I couldn't leave her. My body just wouldn't walk away.

The silence in the room was substantial and deep until Blake's voice filled it. I couldn't make out his exact words, but his tone was worried and frantic. She immediately ended the message and threw her phone beside her on the other side of the couch like it had burned her.

She covered her ears with her hands and looked at the floor. I knelt in front of her and ran my hands along her smooth, bare legs.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Let's just go somewhere," she said through shaky breaths. "I'm not ready to face it yet." She was almost in tears. "Let's go somewhere for a few days. Just you and me. Please," she begged.

"But baby…." I started.

"Please, Edward. Please…." Now tears were clearly falling from her eyes. "They're all going to want to ask questions… you know they will! And I'm just not ready! I want it to be just you and me! Please! Please," she cried.

"Okay, okay, baby. Shhh." I held her in my arms while she clung to me around my shoulders.

I rocked her back and forth, moving beside her on the couch and holding her as tight as she wanted. She didn't sob. She just silently cried against my chest, her shoulders shaking and being the only sign of her weeping.

Suddenly, _her_ phone rang. We both separated slightly and looked next to us as her cell phone screen lit up and blinked in front of us. We let out a sigh together when we noticed it was only Alice. Again.

She scrambled to answer it.

"Hello? Yeah, I'm fine… I'm, uh, I'm at Edward's…." There was a long pause before Bella repeated herself. "Yeah, I'm at Edward's. I stayed the night here…. Um, sure, hold on." She gave the phone to me sheepishly. "She wants to talk to you."

I sat up straight and took the phone from her. "Hello?"

There was no way for me to tell, but even through the phone, I knew Alice was smiling.

"You sly, dirty dog."

_Don't you wanna stay here a little while,_

_Don't you wanna hold each other tight,_

_Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight,_

_Don't you wanna stay here a little while?_

_We can make forever feel this way._

_Don't you wanna stay?_

"_Don't You Wanna Stay?" – Jason Aldean & Kelly Clarkson_

* * *

A/N: Well...I need a cigarette now.

And just so we're clear, he's clean. She's clean. She's on birth control. There will be no babies in this fic.

REVIEWS GET A NICE, JUICY TEASER! So, they're together. Again. Only about 3 or 4 chapters left for those who have asked.


	29. Paradise

A/N: Thank you to the What If team of beta's and pre-readers. You all mean so much to me.

Thank you to so many these past two weeks. **LFC Hotstuff** for my amazing banner. You can see it on my profile.

Thank you to **heather dawn** for my rec on her story. You've sent a lot of readers my way. Thank you.

And thank you, thank you, thank you to **Rose Arcadia** for my blinkie and my WONDERFUL rec on her blog. You can see the link on my profile as well.

My last thank you goes to a reviewer (I'm sorry, your pen-name I've forgotten right now) who asked me the one question I've been wanting someone to ask for over a year now. What perfume does Bella wear to make her smell like cotton candy? It's called Can-Can. I wear it. My fiance loves it.

Outfits and pictures for this story are on my profile. I'm a visual person so if you are too then check them out before you read. It won't give much away.

**Also, the most important author's note you'll ever read is at the bottom.**

* * *

_Lend me your eyes I can change what you see,_

_But your soul you must keep totally free._

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Paradise

"_You sly, dirty dog."_

I laughed under my breath, stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I replied, coyly.

"Uh-huh. You can't fool me." I laughed again, feeling light and giddy inside because even though I knew we would eventually have to tell everyone, at least one of them would be sincerely happy for us. "I just need you to do one thing for me," Alice demanded.

"Anything," I told her.

"I need you to repeat after me, 'I, Edward Cullen, was wrong. And you, Alice Brandon, were right the _whole_ time'."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not saying that. Plus, I don't know yet what we… I mean, she hasn't said if she…."

The truth was that no matter how happy I was to be with her last night and this morning, I still wasn't sure where I stood with her. She had said she loved me but never explained what that love meant.

But Alice stopped me and interrupted what even I couldn't really explain. "Trust me. She will." I hoped she was right. "Put her back on the phone."

I turned around and handed the phone back to Bella who had followed me into the kitchen. I listened to Bella's half of their conversation while I whipped us up a quick batch of pancakes.

"Hey… Yeah, I'm fine… I don't know… Has anyone talked to him?" There was a long pause before Bella whispered shakily. "How is he?"

Even though I didn't want it to, my heart sunk into my stomach. I knew she didn't want to hurt Blake. I knew she would never have chosen to purposely break his heart in any sort of way, so she must have felt a bit remorseful and sad for what she had done to him. However, I wanted her whole heart for myself. I wanted her body to belong to me, her heart to only need mine, and her mind to solely think of me and me alone. As selfish and as plagued as all of that might have been, it was what I truly desired. So hearing her sound almost… _regretful_ on the phone with Alice made me somewhat angry and just… sad.

She stayed silent as Alice talked for a while. I didn't have the nerve to turn around and watch her face, so I focused on the pancake batter in front of me but continued to listen.

"Okay… Yeah, I understand… We will… Okay… Love you too. Bye."

Selfishly, I still didn't turn around to see if she was okay. I pretended to not know she was off the phone already as I poured the batter onto the frying pan, making small circles with trembling hands.

I felt a warm body press tightly to mine from behind then two long, slim arms come around and hug my middle. I sighed, and suddenly my hands stopped trembling. I laid the bowl down and held my left hand over hers on top of my stomach while my right hand held the spatula and began flipping the pancakes.

"What did Alice have to say?" I asked her in a whisper.

I felt her lay her head in between my shoulder blades and squeeze me tighter. "He's only called Rose," she replied, getting straight to the point. "Alice said she would let him know I was all right, but she wouldn't tell him where I was."

I shook my head. "It's only a matter of time before-"

She interrupted me, "I know. I just… I'm not ready yet."

"When will you be ready?" I snapped with irritation. Maybe I wasn't necessary fearful that she wouldn't want to tell them, I was only feared that she would change her mind about me before even getting the chance.

"I don't know. Why are you rushing this?" she asked harshly, letting go of me and stepping back.

I quickly turned off the stove and set the pancakes aside. I spun around to face her. "I'm not! You know I want you all to myself, but not in secret. Not when we're going behind everyone's back."

"But all they'll want to do right now is ask questions. Blake has no idea how you feel about me! And he most certainly has no idea how _I_ feel about _you_!"

I sighed, taking a long, deep breath and collecting myself. "What are we doing here, Bella?"

"I don't…." she sighed too, shaking her head. "I don't know." She moved her hair from her shoulders and crossed her arms over her chest. "I want to take some time and figure everything out first." I stepped forward, feeling bad for snapping at her and reacting too harshly. I snaked my arms around her slim waist and brought her body close to my chest. "Please… let's just go somewhere for a few days," she said again.

"Okay," I replied. Her arms came up to rest around my neck, bringing my forehead to press against hers. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care. Anywhere… as long as I'm with you."

I smiled. I felt momentary relief invade my body, letting the fear subside. "My parents are out of town for the week. We could go down to Forks for a few days and stay there. I don't have class again until Wednesday."

She grimaced. "I don't want to go somewhere that he might find us. I just want to be with you. By ourselves. No one else around."

What she was asking of me, what she was suggesting might not have been healthy, might not have been what was best, but there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. So if she wanted a few days in a secluded bubble of nothing but the two of us, leaving the past behind us and leaving everyone who knew and cared about us in the dark, then… yeah, I would do that for her. And maybe, while we were gone, we would figure out where to go from there.

And I knew the perfect place.

"I have a beach house in Malibu that I bought a few years ago. It's secluded, and no one knows about it."

"In Malibu?" she asked.

"Yeah. We could fly out this afternoon and get there tonight. We could come back Tuesday night."

She shook her head. "I can't afford…."

I kissed her chastely on the lips, stopping her speech. "Don't worry about it. I've got you."

She looked up at me, searching my eyes and biting her bottom lip. I knew Bella never cared for charity, but she had yet to adequately realize that I had been born to take care of her.

Finally, she sighed but let a small smile fan across her face. "Okay."

While we ate pancakes, I called and booked our flights, which left in only three hours. So, I hastily packed for three days and two nights in Malibu. Since Brody was still a puppy and needed constant care and attention, I knew I couldn't just leave her anywhere while we were gone, so I packed her stuff that she would need too and put her in her crate that she would be in while on the plane.

As I packed, I called my cleaning service down in Malibu. I asked my regular housekeeper, Carmen, to stop by the house and make sure it was clean and fully-accessible for us when we arrived. She was surprised to hear from me, since I hadn't been there in quite a while, but she was even more surprised to hear I was bringing a girl with me. I had never brought anyone to my beach house. No one. I also asked her to stock the kitchen with fresh food for a few days as well as a few bottles of wine. I promised to leave her a well-deserved reimbursement check when we left. She readily agreed to all of my requests and promised to have everything done by the time we landed.

After that, there was only one more thing to do. Tell Alice. I knew she would be thoroughly disappointed when she got home and realized she wouldn't be able to see us _together_ and grill us about what had happened and where things were leading between us. So, instead of enduring her disappointment over the phone, I took the chicken shit way out. I left her a note and set it on the kitchen counter.

_Alice,_

_Bella and I are going away from a couple of days. We'll be back on Tuesday. _

_P.S. We need milk._

_Edward _

It only took me less than thirty minutes to have everything done before I was locking the door of the apartment and carrying my luggage and Brody up the stairs to Bella's apartment to see if she was ready yet.

I was about to knock on her door but stopped myself. For some reason, knocking felt strange to me now, like I was stranger. I tested the handle to see if she had locked it. She hadn't. So, I walked on in and set my bag and the crate in the living room.

"Babe?" I called out.

"In here!" she replied, her voice sounding like it was far away.

I walked down the long hallway, not knowing where I was going. I had never seen her room. When I heard sounds of drawers opening and shutting, I made my way closer until I was standing outside the door at the very end. The door was cracked so I opened it wider, looking in hesitantly.

She was bending over her suitcase on the bed, looking freshly showered and beautiful in navy shorts and a frilly, feminine top with gold heels.

When she saw me walk in, she tossed her straightened hair over her shoulder and smiled at me. "Hey, I'm almost done."

I smiled back at her and began looking around her room. The walls were a plain ivory which matched the browns in her bed spread and curtains. She had a desk, two dressers and a small flat screen television, but besides that, there wasn't much to it. I walked over to her desk, looking around at her computer and the few stacks of papers she had. She was always messier than me. I was meticulous and extremely organized; whereas Bella had a system of organization that only she knew. She had always been like this, and it was nice to see that her messiness, even as frustrating as it was, had not changed. I smiled as I thought how_ she_ had not changed.

My smile slipped from my face as I noticed a framed picture on her desk. It was of her and Blake, smiling at Christmas.

It looked like it had been taken at one of those tacky Christmas parties where you wear the tackiest Christmas sweater you can find. Bella was wearing a huge over-sized red and green sweater with bright red tights underneath and her hair pulled half-up with a red bow. Blake had on a sweater with Rudolph the reindeer in the middle, and it lit up bright red light in the center where his nose was. They were both laughing and smiling with their arms around each other.

I picked it up, studying it closer. It was taken at my parent's house. The log fireplace in the background… I would recognize it anywhere. It had been at yet another Christmas that I had missed.

"I'm ready! Let's-" she stopped when she noticed the picture in my hand.

She slowly and wordlessly took the picture from my hand and set it gently back on the desk, this time facedown.

"Come on. Let's go," she said, taking my hand in hers and lacing our fingers.

The flight only lasted two hours. So after renting a car, we arrived at the beach house a little before seven at night. I had almost forgotten how beautiful the house was. It was right on the beach, with the only surrounding neighbors being about half a mile away. The driveway was long and winding because the house sat so close to the ocean. But as soon as the house was in sight, I heard Bella distinctly gasp beside me.

The house wasn't huge by any means, but it was new and modern. The walls on each side of the house were windows, being as the neighbors were so far away, you could see straight in especially at night when it was light inside and dark outside.

I barely had the car in park before Bella was running. I chuckled as I emerged as well and followed her. She was literally bouncing in front of the door, waiting on me to unlock it.

"I may never leave once I go inside," she whispered.

I turned the key but held my hand on the knob. "I hope you never leave."

Then I opened the door.

I let her walk in first. Her head moved from side to side, up and down, taking in the entire house. There was so much open space and room, that it made my tiny apartment seem even smaller.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, running into the kitchen then darting back to the living room. "Why don't you _live_ here?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I like Seattle."

"What? Are you kidding me? Why would you ever-"

And she stopped. She turned around and looked at me where I stood still only a few feet from the door. She stared at me thoughtfully and pensively, until she understood what I meant. I would never live any place without her.

She stepped closer to me, slowly, still staring at me like she was trying to figure me out. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

I shrugged again not because I was indifferent towards the life I had given up to be close to her, but because I didn't want her to feel bad about my decisions. They were my decisions, my life, and I didn't need her to feel bad for being the driving force behind my every conscious thought.

She slipped her arms around my waist, hugging me close and looked up at me, laying her chin on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and smiled. Underneath my arms, I felt her let out a long sigh.

"I love you," she breathed.

I squeezed her tighter. "I love you too."

We took our bags from the car and began to unpack. After we let Brody out of her crate, she took off around the house, sniffing and checking out everything in this new place. I told Bella to shower if she needed to while I cooked us dinner. Carmen went above and beyond what I asked her, making sure the house was stocked with plenty of food.

I cooked a quick dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread. It only took about thirty minutes before I was setting out our plates and fixing the table. I listened for the shower, and when I didn't hear it, I started walking towards the master bedroom.

The door was shut so I quietly turned the knob and poked my head inside. I was about to call her name when I saw her leaning over the dresser, her cute ass jutting out, putting on lip gloss meticulously. She was dressed in short black shorts and a loosely-fitting ivory shirt with a deep, plunging neck line. She looked so beautiful, barefoot with her hair still slightly damp and curly from her shower.

I wondered why she was so dressed up. We weren't planning on going out until tomorrow night since we were so late getting in. I was only in shorts and a wrinkled t-shirt from earlier today.

"You look very beautiful," I whispered.

She startled at the sound of my voice and immediately straightened up, tossing her lip gloss tube down quickly. "Hey," she smiled, turning towards me. "Thank you."

"Why are you so dressed up?" I asked.

Her cheeks tinted pink as she looked away down at her black painted toes. "I don't know."

I chuckled at her cuteness, walked over to the large closet next to the adjoining bathroom. I took out a blue button up and tossed it on the bed. I stripped off my t-shirt and undershirt, picked up the dress shirt and threw it over my shoulders.

I looked up as Bella padded over to me, and gently took the sides of the shirt between her fingers and started to button it for me. I watched her concentrate, her long lashes fluttering against her cheeks and the sweet smell of her freshly clean skin surrounding my entire body. When she only had a couple of buttons left, I framed her face with my hands and brought her lips to mine.

We kissed slowly at first, with soft brushes of skin and light touches. When she was first to part her lips, my tongue softly skimmed her lips until it drove into her mouth, and then we weren't so soft anymore.

Those same delicate fingers that had just buttoned my shirt, started to take it off hurriedly. Fingers grabbed at my shirt until it was thrown on the floor. Fingers unbuckled my shorts. Fingers pushed down my boxers and shorts in one swoop.

She took a long step back in front of me. I made a quick step towards her, wanting her skin on me yet again, but she held up her hand in protest. So I stopped and watched while her eyes held mine as she lifted her shirt above her head.

I sucked in a breath when I saw her blood red lace bra underneath. And when she removed her shorts too, her matching cheeky panties made my heart race.

There were many things about the Bella I had known for seven months, and I can honestly say, I never remembered her wearing matching underwear for me. But this Bella, this _real _Bella hadn't known me for years, hadn't been dating me for four years and now felt like she had to impress me.

"Oh my god," I breathed as my eyes raked over her long, lean legs up her body to the jut of her hipbones covered in red lace then up to her luscious breasts that made me want to fall to my knees and weep in worship.

She took off the rest of her clothes and was suddenly in my arms, against the wall and yelling my name in the fresh, beach night air while she came… three times before I did.

We collapsed beside each other on the bed and lay for a while in silence, holding and touching every inch of naked skin our hands could find until I made a move to get up and warm our food.

She insisted she would do it since I had cooked, so she got up completely naked and went into the kitchen, ordering me not to move.

When she got back, she had two plates of spaghetti in each of her hands and bottle of red wine tucked under her arm, still naked.

I smiled and sat up, taking one of the plates for her. She slipped on my blue button up and got in the bed beside me. We sat under just the sheet cross-legged and knee to knee and ate while talking about my dream.

"I had a tattoo," I smiled.

"What?" she asked surprised.

"I was in their fraternity in college, and I had their letters tattooed on my back," I answered.

She chewed her food, looking reflective. "Wow."

"And I had a scar on my right shoulder from where I had surgery after playing baseball in college."

She didn't reply with her mouth full, but her eyes widened to let me know she was surprised again and listening to me.

So I continued. "I had so many friends, ya know? At Berkley, I studied all the time. I didn't go out or even date much. I just didn't… _live_." I looked down at my food, away from her questioning blue eyes. "I didn't realize I was missing out on so much until I… met you."

"So you quit your job?" she asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"Sold your apartment?"

"Yes."

"Relocated to Seattle?"

"Yes."

"Moved in with Alice?"

I chuckled. "Yes."

"And you're going back to school?"

"Yep."

She took a pull from the bottle of wine then said with a smile, "All of this for some dream?"

I smiled back. "It was a really great dream."

We put our clothes back on, did the dishes then took a walk along the beach. I had never known a happiness and contentment such as this. Even in my dream, I had been waiting on the inevitable wake up, the doom of a hard hit reality. Now… now this was so much fucking better than I had ever imagined.

We talked as the moistened, cool sand molded to our feet with every step and the wind blew through our clothes, dancing and waving in the salty breeze. With our hands clasped between us loosely, we walked and laughed and watched Brody explore the beach, bouncing and running with excitement.

In my mind, I knew I should have brought up every question I had left. But for tonight, I wanted to lean on this happiness and pretend even just for a few more hours, that I might… _could_ live like this forever.

When she stopped, it took me by surprise. She stood still before me, hair whipping around her face, and looked at me expectantly. With her hand, she pulled me closer. I stumbled in the sand but landed with our bodies pressed together, and her blue eyes glowing in the moonlight.

She brought her arms around my neck and laid her head against my chest over my heart. I took one of her hands from my neck and held it softly with mine, laying my other hand on her lower back.

And slowly I lowered my head to her ear and started to sway as I sang softly in her ear. Not a love song. Not even a slow song.

But in a low tone, soft and slow, I laid myself bare while the sea breeze carried my words away.

"_I'm on the pursuit of happiness, and I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold. I'll be fine once I get it. I'll be good."_

I sang the two lines one more time before we made our way back home, falling asleep holding each other and praying for the happiness to last us through the night and into the morning.

I awoke to the feeling of something being wrong. Dread coursed through my veins as my eyes darted around the room. I was alone and naked, tangled in silk sheets with a breeze blowing through the adjacent sliding door that led to the balcony.

The ivory linen drapes bounced slowly in the wind, while the rush of the ocean waves sounded through the entire bedroom.

I felt the empty spot next to me. Realizing it was cold, I immediately jumped up, slipped on boxers and walked to the open doors.

I found her, sitting with her back to me and her knees to her chest, staring out into the deep blackness of the night and wrapped only in a burgundy fleece blanket.

Slowly, I stepped closer to her, but stopped when I noticed the moon's reflection in the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Baby?" I called softly.

She didn't even turn to look at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

I stopped breathing as I waited for her answer.

She sighed, shutting her eyes briefly before re-opening them again, sending more and more tears down her face.

"I'm happy," she said, her tone acting as if nothing was wrong at all. "I'm the happiest I've ever been." Slowly, her eyes lifted to look at me. "But my happiness has done nothing but cause someone else great sadness."

There it was. What I had expected for the past two days: guilt.

I knelt beside her, pushing her hair out of her face. In one fluid motion, I picked her up, sat in her chair and laid her in my lap. I moved her blanket around until it was covering us both, her cool naked form pressed against my body.

She rested her head against my chest, firmly pressing her fingers into my skin while she cried, slow-moving but wrenching sobs.

"I love you," I said into her hair.

Her arms moved around my neck, hugging me as tightly as she possibly could. And without her saying, I knew I was the only one who could get her through this. And telling her I loved her would ease the pain, if only for a while.

We made love once more that night. When her sobs subsided and the wind died down, she eased my boxers down my body and climbed into my lap. She rode me until her legs were stiff and tired from exhaustion. When she came on top of me, she lifted her head to the heavens and called my name. I came soon after as well.

We fell back asleep on the chair. We didn't even make it back inside.

In the early morning, the sun started to rise, slowly over the endless expanse of the ocean. The large crescent glow seemed to appear from the sea itself, dawning a new day, a new life. Her eyes squinted against my chest until she quickly hid under the blanket and groaned.

I chuckled under my breath, running my hands along the smooth skin of her legs, up and down, listening to her soft breathing, the beat of the tide and the early morning call of seagulls.

When the very edge of the sun had left the ocean, and continued into the sky on its own, I lifted Bella's sleeping form into my arms, popping my back with a quick stretch, then brought her inside.

I laid her gently down then crawled in next to her. She didn't stir at all even when I pulled her back to my chest with my arm and fell back asleep along with her.

The next time we woke up, we ate an early lunch, skipping breakfast all together, and decided to spend the entire day on the beach. And man, what a beautiful day it was.

We stood with only our feet in the water, staying close to Brody who was still too small to go very far out in the ocean. She loved it though, running and splashing and chasing after birds. Bella, who stood in a small yellow and pink bikini, giggled at her while holding my hand and kissing me every chance she got.

Now was the perfect time. _Talk to her_, I said to myself over and over. But I didn't want to ruin it. I didn't want to let all of my insecurities show, tainting this moment with talk of the world outside our Malibu, dreamlike bubble.

We sat in two lounge chairs, bathing in the sunny day. I stared at Bella's boobs while she shut her eyes and soaked in the sun's warm rays but still cooled with the sea breeze.

"Does anyone famous live close to here?" she asked, not opening her eyes.

I thought for moment before answering.

"Carmen Electra lives a few houses down," I replied with a grin.

She opened one of her eyes, squinting from the sun. "Oh really?" she smirked.

"Really," I confirmed, smiling.

"Have you seen her?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Just every few days. She comes over for Sunday dinner once a week," I replied, seriously.

She slapped my chest playfully while I finally let my serious tone fall, and started to chuckle.

"Anyone else?"

"Hmmm," I thought for another moment. "Uh, I think Leonardo di Caprio lives that way."

She opened both of her eyes and perked up. "Seriously?" she squeaked.

I looked at her warily. "Yeahhhh…."

"Oh my! Which one?" she said, craning her neck in the direction I pointed.

"Why?"

"I just want to see him," she replied.

I scowled. "Well… I don't think it's a good idea."

She furrowed her eyebrows at me. "Why not?"

"Because you're mine."

Her eyes softened up, her mouth turning up slightly. "I am?"

"Yes," I confirmed. I didn't even think about my words before they came out. "You belong to me. Just like how _I_ belong to _you_."

The words had slipped, and I immediately wanted to return them. But just like that, they had been said, and that was all there was.

But her reaction was not what I had expected. Her lips twitched for a moment until she was visibly trying to force back a huge grin, until she couldn't hold it anymore. A beautiful, electric smile erupted across her face before she leaned in and kissed me.

When the sun was about to set and the yellows of the sun turned from orange to pink until finally falling behind the water, we trudged back toward the house.

I watched as Bella showered in her bikini underneath the outside shower leading to the dock. She shut her eyes and held her head back, letting the water run down her hair onto her body. Her fingers pushed the hair back from her face and down the back of her shoulders. She adjusted the front of her straps, her hands running down her chest to her stomach then to the small strings of her bikini bottoms where her fingers ran across them over and over.

I licked my lips then stepped in front of her, pressing my body against hers… cold and wetness covering me. My hands went around her, and my lips found hers. She startled for a moment before kissing me back deeply and hurriedly.

I lifted her in one swoop, pulling her to me, her legs coming up around my waist. She smiled against my lips before slipping her tongue against mine again and again. I walked us inside, moving around chairs and tables until I reached the first room leading inside… the dining room.

I set her down, my hands immediately reaching for the strings of her top behind her back. She made quick work of the top clasp until the small material fell to the floor. I cupped her breasts, kissing each one again and again until they were hard and puckered from the heat of my mouth.

Cold, wet hands loosened the knot in the front of my swimming trunks until they fell with a splat to the floor. Then, her lips were gone. My eyes flew open in response only to be met with the back of her wet hair.

I felt her bottom rub slowly against my hard groin as she held onto the long glass table in front of her. Gripping her hips, I guided her long, languid movements, watching the mesmerizing movement with heavy, panting breaths. One of her hands left the table long enough to rub and scratch the back of my head.

I hooked my fingers under the two strings around her hips then swiftly pushed them to floor with the rest of our swim suits. Then, we were naked and her ass was still rubbing me.

I so gradually and so gently pushed her in the middle of her back until she was lying on top of the table with her ass right in front of me. Her arms folded under her head while she waited. My hand that had been on her back moved slowly to her ass where I rubbed the smooth, cold skin. Her hips shimmied slightly before I slipped two fingers inside her quickly.

She let out a long, deep moan before I started pumping them. Her grinding started again, only this time against my fingers, moving in rhythm with my hand. My index finger grazed her clit once then twice before I removed my fingers.

She whimpered for only a moment until I pushed myself deep inside her. I stood for a moment, still and calm, soaking in the feel of being inside her once again. When I felt her start to move impatiently against me, I began to pump in and out of her.

She moaned loudly, her arms reaching in front of her but her cheek still pressed to the glass. I had to shut my eyes briefly because even the sight of how she was positioned in front of me made me nearly come. So with my eyes closed tight, I pumped harder and harder, hitting her with the force of my hips again and again, her wet skin slapping against mine.

She whimpered and called out my name over and over, each time breathier and louder. My hands were splayed across her narrow hips, my knuckles almost turning white from my intense, feral hold on her. My eyes suddenly flew open when I felt her start to come around me. Her entire body stilled as she let out a long breathy moan, and before long, I came right after her.

We were both panting. She didn't move, still pressing her upper body flush against the table. I rested my hands on either side of her hips, holding onto the table for support while I calmed my breaths.

"I'm sorry," I breathed.

"I'm not," she chuckled slightly.

I laughed too, kissing the skin in between her shoulder blades. "Holy shit," I whispered, still trying to regain my regular heartbeat.

"I know," she responded.

"Do you need to get up? Am I hurting you?" I asked.

"I'll let you know once I get the feeling back in my legs. I think I came so hard I lost consciousness."

I let out a booming chuckle before slipping out of her and holding onto her waist so she could raise up. She stood up, only long enough to turn around and hop onto of the glass, becoming eye level with me.

"Hey," she smiled.

I smiled back. "Hey."

"I love you."

She was fucking cute. "I love you too."

Her arms came up around my shoulders, pushing me close to her, our chests coming together. "Let's do that again."

We actually did it two more times, once more on the table then again on the rug in the living room. Finally we ended up holding onto each other tightly under a fleece blanket on the couch. I was sitting with my back to the arm of the sofa with Bella sitting in between my legs. I had my arms wrapped around her while she absentmindedly stared at our hands intertwined, lightly playing with my fingers.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered in her ear, lightly kissing down her neck.

She had a strange look on her face, like she was deep in thought but only staring at our fingers and how they seemed to fit so perfectly together.

"Nothing," she answered softly. There seemed to be a frown slightly playing across her face, and maybe to anyone else, it wouldn't be noticeable. But I _knew_ her. I knew when she was stuck inside her own head, thinking of something meaningful… something that maybe she didn't want to say out loud.

"What is it, baby?" I asked her. She looked like she didn't even hear me. She lightly kissed each of my fingertips then my knuckles, taking her time moving to each one. When she still didn't respond, I prodded her again. "Should I be worried?"

She only shook her head. But still said nothing.

"Bella… baby, I need to talk to you."

She turned her head slightly to the side to finally look at me. "Okay…." she trailed.

I sighed. It was now or never. We couldn't run away from reality forever.

"We need to talk about us," I started.

"Okay…." she repeated.

"I just need to know… what we're doing. I don't need a title. I just want to know what's going to happen whenever we leave tomorrow."

She wrinkled her forehead in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… you didn't even really break up with him, ya know? It feels like we're… well, that you're…." Why couldn't I find the right words?

"That I'm cheating on him?" she asked, angrily.

I sighed. "That's not what I meant."

"That's _exactly_ what you meant!" Her voice was starting to rise. "It's over with Blake, okay? I told him I couldn't be with him! I told him I loved someone else! It's over! Okay? You got it?"

"Okay, okay. Shhh… I got it. I'm sorry," I replied, squeezing her with my arms wrapped tight around her waist, kissing her bare shoulder. "I'm sorry," I repeated.

I felt her relax against me again and let out a deep breath. Her tone was softer as she said, "I just want to be with _you_. Only you." A smile started tugging on my lips as my heart hammered in my chest. "You belong to me. Just like how I belong to you."

Hearing her repeat what I had said earlier and then wished hadn't slipped out made me feel like I was floating. And so for a while, we didn't speak. She had let our hands rest on top of her stomach while her head lay on my chest. I would look down at her every now and then to see if she had fallen asleep, but her eyes would be open wide, staring straight ahead and blinking.

It still looked to me like she was upset and still stuck in her head somewhere. And I desperately wanted to know what she was thinking.

So, I asked her one last time. "What is it, baby?"

She glanced up at me before burrowing herself even closer to my chest if that was possible. She let out a single humorless laugh saying, "I don't have a place to live."

"What?"

"Rose moved out before the wedding. And Blake was supposed to move in this week. And that's _obviously_ not happening anymore." She looked into my eyes. "I can't afford that big apartment by myself."

For some reason, in the midst of everything, none of that had entered my mind. I hadn't even thought about it, but now I definitely understood her dilemma. And now my next words seem to flow right out just as easily as everything else.

"So you'll live with me."

She seemed taken aback. Her face clearly shocked. "What?"

"You'll live with me."

She laughed. "Edward, we've been together officially for about five minutes."

"Well, I mean, we've already lived together…." I edged.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, not _technically_…."

She stopped me, laying a hand gently on my chest. "Whoa, whoa, _whoa_. Are you talking about in your dream?" she asked.

"I can go ahead and tell you everything I'll do to piss you off. And then, I'll tell you everything you're gonna do to piss _me _off," I smiled. Her mouth dropped open. I smiled bigger and didn't wait for a response. "You're a little messy."

"I am not!"

"Compared to me, you are." She huffed and turned her head forward. I slowly leaned into her, kissing along her neck and down to her shoulder. "You can't honestly say you don't want to live with us."

"We should call Alice and ask her first."

I let out a loud scoff from my chest. "Alice would love it. You know that."

"Still, we should ask her. Do you have your phone?"

"It's been turned off since yesterday, but it's in the bedroom." I lifted my lips from her neck and looked into her eyes. "Why? Don't you have yours?" I asked.

She looked away. "I left it at my apartment."

"On purpose?"

She nodded slowly.

"Why?" I asked her.

She shrugged.

Upon hearing that, I realized just how much Bella didn't want to face anyone. I wasn't sure if it was because she was ashamed or just felt guilty for what she had chosen. Maybe bringing her here had been the wrong decision on my part. She clearly wanted to run from this… run from anyone who might question us and our feelings towards each other. Not everyone would understand… not everyone would feel the same way about what had happened, but I was ready. At least _I_ was ready to own up to it all. I was ready for anything as long as we got to be together, officially… not hiding in the dark. But Bella… she wasn't as ready. And running away this weekend probably wasn't helping in the long run at all.

But for now, I'd go along with it. For now, it was just the two of us. And for now, that was enough.

"Move in with me," I stated.

"I'd want to help with rent," she replied.

I laughed. "Bella, Alice doesn't even help with me with rent."

Her head whipped around quickly. "She doesn't?"

"No," I laughed again. "She doesn't _have_ to live with me. But she does, and soon Jasper will too. He had to move out of his apartment with Emmett now that's he's married."

"So it'll be the four of us in that tiny apartment?" she asked.

"Yep," I smiled.

"With one bathroom?"

"Yep." My hand ran lightly up and down the inside of her thigh as I continued, "Plus, it'll only be for a couple of months. Then, my house will be ready, and we can move in it."

She suddenly smiled broadly. "You want me to move in your house with you?"

"Yeah," I replied like it was so obvious. "I didn't build that huge house just for me."

She kept smiling while staring at me for a long moment, searching my eyes and taking in my serious expression. Finally, she leaned in a kissed me chastely.

"Of course I'll move in with you."

"YAY! ROOMIES!" I squealed in a high voice before tickling her bare sides until she started giggling and squirming.

"Stop!" she screamed.

I pulled my hands away from her stomach long enough to wrap them around the backs of her legs, throwing her over my shoulder while she let out a long, high-pitched screech.

"Shower time!" I yelled.

After we showered together and made love yet another time, we got dressed and went out to dinner at a really exclusive seafood restaurant not too far away from the beach house. We stayed for a while after eating, talking and drinking two bottles of wine. By the time we made it back, we were both pretty lit.

We thought it was a good idea to go swimming in the pool right off the deck. She changed into a teeny-tiny black bikini while I just put on my same swimming trunks from earlier. I grabbed another bottle of wine and two glasses, taking them with me to the pool.

By the time I came back, Bella was already in the water with her hair pulled up in a messy bun.

I glanced over at Brody asleep on the lounge chair before opening the wine bottle.

Bella made her way to the stairs on the side of the pool where she sat and waited for me to pour her a glass. After handing it to her, I got into the pool and sat next to her.

"I'm drunk," she stated, laying her head on my shoulder. I chuckled and brought my arm around her, pressing my hand against her hip. Suddenly, she hissed in pain. "Ow."

I immediately retracted my arm, looking at her in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," she replied.

She stood up in front of me, arching her back to try to look behind her. Her ass was directly in front of me, revealing the thin cut of her bikini. Tearing my eyes away from her creamy skin, I looked at her sides. There were small purple bruises on either side of her. They looked like fingerprints.

"Oh shit," I whispered, lightly brushing my fingers over the spots.

"What? What is it?" she asked, arching her back even more and twisting her head to try to look at it.

Very slowly, I felt a smile come across my face.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I think I made bruises on your hips from earlier."

"Damn. Really?"

Not thinking, I let out a single drunken giggle.

"Well, let's try not to be so smug about it," she said.

Still smiling, I replied, "You're right. I'm really sorry."

"Quit smiling!" she yelled, smiling herself.

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!"

Then suddenly, I was hunched over in hysterical laughter.

"It's not funny! It hurts!"

I only laughed harder.

Then, I was soaked with a huge splash, ruining the wine I was holding and drenching me completely.

"Hey!" I protested, lifting my head to see her grin down at me. So I tackled her, tickling her and chasing her around in the deep end. She was laughing and yelling at me to stop, but I kept grabbing her, pulling her legs when she swam away.

After a few minutes, I finally caught her in my arms and held her tightly. She was panting and out of breath but relaxed in my arms, letting me hold her. Almost instantly, her legs wrapped around me and her arms ran around my neck.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, babe," I said softly.

She smiled and kissed me. "I know you are. It's okay. I kinda like it too."

I grinned briefly before descending my mouth on hers. We kissed for a while, pressing against each other as close as we could get. Our tongues ran together softly, hers invading my mouth then mine invading hers over and over.

Finally, she pulled away, sighing. "_God_, I don't wanna leave."

I should have been happy and maybe even comforted by hearing her say she just wanted to stay here with me as long as she could, but the same feeling I had had earlier of how she was evading reality came back to my mind.

"We have to face them sometime."

She sighed again. "I know. I just… still don't feel ready yet."

"Are you ever going to be ready?" I asked a bit more angrily than I intended.

She seemed taken aback by my sudden mood change. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm not exactly excited about it, but I'm ready to tell them. I don't want to keep avoiding having to face them."

"He's just one of my best friends, Edward. I know he's going to hate me."

"Bella, he _is_ my best friend. He means a lot to me, and it tears me up inside that he's never going to trust me again. But I love him, and I know that in time he'll see all of this was just meant to happen."

She looked at me thoughtfully, probably thinking about what I had said and taking it all in. Finally she replied in a soft whisper, "What about Rose?"

I let out a humorless laugh. "Rose… she'll be pissed we've ruined their honeymoon."

"Hell yeah, she will be."

"She'll come around though… once she sees how happy we are."

A beautiful smile lit up her face right before her lips found mine once again for a passionate kiss.

The next morning, we took our time. We took our time getting out of bed. We took our time getting ready. We took our time cleaning the house. We took our time packing up. We took our time driving to the airport.

We both knew what was to come. We were headed back to reality, back to face the judging eyes and opinions of the ones closest to us. Our moods were weary. We didn't talk much, but when our eyes found each other's, we smiled but not with our eyes. But our bodies… our bodies were always touching, whether we were holding hands in the airport or wrapped around each other as we dozed on the plane.

When we made it back to Seattle airport around five o'clock, I finally turned on my phone. We were gathering our luggage and making our way through the crowds of people while I listened to my messages from the past two days. Most were from Alice asking where we were. Some were from Emmett and Jasper, basically saying the same thing. I had one from my mom who sounded happy and jovial as she asked me to call her back as soon as I could.

The last message which had just been left at three o'clock was from Alice. All she said in low voice was, "He knows."

I deleted all of my messages as we loaded everything up in the back of my car.

After I started the car and made it to the freeway, I got a text message.

It was from Blake.

My heart dropped to my stomach as I read it. Three words.

_How could you? -_ _Blake_

_Where you invest your love, you invest your life._

"_Awake My Soul" – Mumford & Sons_

* * *

**A/N: Can you count the number of times they did it? New love. Ha.**

**If you did not get a teaser last week, it's because I didn't send them out. I am so, so sorry. I feel terrible about it. The truth is I live in North Alabama and on April 27th there were over 300 tornados that effected Alabama and surrounding southern states. It is a huge miracle that I am okay and so is my family. I cannot say the same for most. There are hundreds upon hundreds dead and even more still missing. It's hard to put into words what I've seen these past two weeks. Whatever I could say would not do it justice. Just know that I have been to more funerals this week than I can count on both of my hands. I've seen towns destroyed, places I grew up in. It is a miracle that I have power to enough to even write this chapter and be able to submit it when I did. **

**"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again." **

**Roll Tide.**

**If you want to know how to help, PM me and I will direct you.**

**I will leave you with something funny to forget the sadness I've mentioned. It's mother's day today and here's what my mom said to my little 16 year-old brother late last night on the phone. "YOU BETTER NOT SHOW UP HUNGOVER TOMORROW MORNING. IT'S MOTHER'S DAMN DAY!"**

**Happy Mother's Damn Day. Reviews get a teaser of when they talk to Blake. I promise.**


	30. Uncovered

A/N: Thank you to my beta and my pre-readers. You're all special to me. And I love what you all do for me.

Thank you for my reviews and PMs. I can't tell you how much it meant to me to receive all of your comfort and support and thoughts and prayers. Truly, I am blown away.

* * *

_When you're happy like a fool  
Let it take you over  
When everything is out  
You gotta take it in_

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Uncovered

_How could you? - Blake_

When I read the message, I immediately told Bella about it. She didn't reply, only looked at me with as much dread as I felt in my stomach.

"Who told him?" she asked.

"I don't know," I replied, taking my phone back out. I dialed Alice's number. She answered by the second ring.

"Edward! Thank God! Where are you?" she asked, frantic and worried.

"We're leaving the airport. We'll be home in about twenty minutes. Why? What's going on?"

"Rose told Blake. She heard the two of you left, so she called him. She and Emmett flew back today from their honeymoon."

"What?" I yelled.

"I know. I haven't seen Blake yet, but Emmett said he's really, _really_ mad."

The nervous feeling in my stomach multiplied until I started to sweat. I glanced over at Bella whose eyes were glued to mine anxiously awaiting my explanation. I sighed and looked back to the road, whispering an almost silent, "_Fuck_," into the phone.

"Jasper and I are here at the apartment. We'll see you in a few minutes," Alice said, sounding not quite as panicked as she had before.

"Yeah, okay. Bye." Then, I remembered something quickly. "Hey, Alice?"

"Yeah?"

I smiled, momentarily forgetting the pain in my stomach. "We have a new roommate."

"Yeah. Jasper moved in yesterday."

"Not Jasper. Bella's moving in."

There was a pause, and I got slightly worried. Maybe this wasn't good news. I had been so sure Alice would love it since she had been so determined to get us together.

But suddenly, a loud squeal filled my ears. I laughed as I pulled the phone away from my ear.

"Oh my god, oh my god," she chanted over and over. "Jazz! Bella's moving in!" I heard Jasper's voice, but it was too far away for me to hear exactly what he said. "Oh, shit. Edward, Blake's gonna kill you."

I sighed. "I know. I love you, and I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Okay. Love you too. Bye."

I only had a moment to set my phone in the car's cup holder before Bella's hand was in mine, squeezing tightly. I laced our fingers together, bringing her hand to my lips and placing a soft kiss on the back of it.

"Rose told Blake. She and Emmett came back early," I stated simply.

"Shit," she breathed. "I've ruined their honeymoon."

I knew that deep in her heart, she felt nothing but guilt for what had happened, and mostly, she put the guilt all on herself. But the truth was that I was to blame just as much if not more. After all, I was the one who had explained my feelings for her all those months ago in the hospital not knowing whether or not she would accept me or even who her boyfriend was. And still, after I found out, I still pursued her, still loved her. Even though I had tried many times to stop myself, I couldn't just let her go. I couldn't stay away from her, and now I had learned, she felt the same way as well.

I squeezed her fingers. "They can always go again some other time. They didn't _have _to come back in the first place, anyway."

She only nodded her head, but did not comment on the subject again.

I told her how excited Alice had been after hearing about her moving in. I left out the part where Alice said Blake would kill me, of course. But still, Bella never said a word. She nodded her head and would look at me to let me know she was listening, but she kept silent and offered me no indication of her mood. Even her expression stayed lifeless.

When I ran out of things to say to lighten the mood, I stayed quiet as well. I glanced over at her from time to time, only to see her staring ahead at the road expressionless. I'd kiss her hand, but she was still unresponsive.

Twenty minutes later, we made it home.

I parked the car and sat there for a minute. Bella never moved either. I turned my body towards her in the car, leaning forward to cup her face with my hands. She looked up at me with such sadness it made my heart break, but for her, I would stay strong.

"I love you, okay? Do you believe me?"

She nodded in my hands, a single rear trickling down her cheek. "I believe you."

"I will always love you no matter what anyone says, okay?"

She nodded again. "Okay."

"As long as we have each other, we'll be okay."

She bit her bottom lip but still nodded again.

I slid out of the car and went around the other side to open her door. She already had it open by the time I got there, but I still held her hand as she stepped out of my Range Rover.

Her thin cotton dress rose up as she slipped from the seat, revealing her black silk panty string. It wasn't the time for me to have such pervy thoughts about her, but I couldn't help it. She immediately righted her dress when she stepped on the ground in her little black pumps.

"You're so sexy," slipped from my lips.

She flipped her slightly curled hair over her shoulder and looked at me with a startled expression. She scoffed lightly but a small smile came across her face. "Shut up," she replied playfully.

"Sorry I'm not sorry," I said with a slight shrug.

She laughed for a moment, the sound breathing life back into me, making me feel like everything actually would be all right. Then, I watched as her eyes moved past my shoulders and behind my back, and in the next second, her smile slowly slipped from her face.

Everything happened in what seemed like five seconds, but each movement, each sound, each sight before me I would remember clearly like it had taken minutes instead of seconds.

"Oh, shit," I heard Bella whisper right before I turned my head to look behind me.

Blake was walking right toward us, almost sprinting with Emmett and Jasper right on his heels. His face was contorted in an expression I had never seen before on him.

I wanted to step back. I wanted to run. But my feet were planted, and I could do nothing.

"I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker," was the first thing he said to me before his fist connected with my jaw.

"BLAKE!" Bella screamed a haunting, shrill scream as I hit the rough pavement.

I felt a heavy weight on top of me, then hit after hit after hit while Bella's screams and cries filled my ears. I willed my hands to fight back. I even willed them to protect myself. But again, I did nothing.

"Fight back, bitch!" I heard Blake's voice yell from above me right before Jasper and Emmett had each of his arms, pulling him off of me.

The pain was bearable. My face felt on fire, but the hurt in the rest of me felt crushing. Bella was on the ground beside me, holding my head in her lap and lightly stroking my face and my hair while I tried to sit up.

"Blake! What the fuck's wrong with you?" she screamed at him, her voice cracking from the tears running down her face.

"I swear to God, I'll fuck you up so bad, asshole! You just wait!" Blake continued to yell at me as Emmett held him back, and Jasper got in his face, whispering to him and trying to calm him down.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, helping me up so I could sit on the ground with my arms behind me. She lightly touched my face and pushed my short hair back. "I'm so sorry," she softly cried.

"It's okay. I'm fine," I replied.

In the next instant, Alice was on the other side of me.

"Holy shit, are you okay? You hit the ground hard. That was a hell of a punch."

I scoffed. "Thanks."

"He just got here. I swear I didn't know he was coming over, or I would have told you."

I groaned, lightly touching my bleeding lip. "It's all right."

I heard a soft sob break through our sudden silence. Looking over at Bella, she had her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with each wrecking cry. I turned towards her, laying my hands on the bare skin of her legs. "I'm fine, baby. It's okay."

All she did was shake her head and repeat, "I'm sorry," incessantly.

I brought both of my arms around to hold her close. The ache in my jaw and eyes weren't nearly as painful as watching Bella break down and blame herself. I kissed her cheeks and her forehead then finally her lips briefly, forgetting we had an audience.

Suddenly, an enraged, animalistic sound came from the other side of the parking lot. We all looked in the direction of the voice.

It was Blake.

"Congratulations to the both of you! I really had no fucking idea!" he screamed. Then, he roughly extricated his way out of Emmett's grasp and away from Jasper. It wasn't until he started to walk away that I realized Rosalie had been standing off into the distance. While I had expected her expression to be pissed off and angry, she just looked to be in deep thought.

Her eyes were wide but unexpressive as she stared at the ground, pretending not to notice any of us. She didn't even look like she cared much. I wasn't sure of the façade she was putting on, but I did know that I wasn't buying it.

It wasn't until Blake walked past her that she finally came to life and looked at me. We locked eyes for only a moment, but it truly felt like a lifetime. Her disappointment and my own guilt were all reflected back to me in her eyes. I was the first to look away, but even when I glanced back up a second later, she had her back turned, walking behind her brother.

"Let's get you inside," Alice whispered.

Jasper and Emmett came over and helped me to my feet. But Bella all but pushed them aside, hugging my waist with my arm thrown over her shoulders as she helped carry me across the lot and into my apartment.

I assumed Rose and Blake were in Bella's apartment because to my great relief, they were not waiting on us when we went inside. With Bella still under my arm, she walked me into the bathroom where I sat on the edge of the tub, clutching my already swollen lip.

"At least I'm still alive," I said, hoping for even a small smile from her.

She completely ignored me and started to run a washcloth under the cold water. She knelt in front of me, lightly pressing the cool dampness to the throbbing cuts on my face.

"He shouldn't have hit you," she stated in a whisper.

"If it was me, I would have killed him."

Her eyes darted to mine quickly before softening. She let out a long, deep sigh. "Hold this here." So I did as I was told and held the wash cloth above my right eye where it hurt the worst. She stood up, grabbing cotton balls and peroxide from the cabinet. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

I was about to tell her it was certainly not at all her fault when a knock sounded at the door. Before we could answer it, Jasper poked his head in.

"Whenever you get a minute, Blake wants to talk to you. _Both_ of you," he emphasized.

Bella audibly scoffed. "Ha. Fuck that."

"He's calmer now. He just wants to talk."

"I'll talk to him by myself," she replied.

"No way," I said. "I'm not gonna let you face him alone."

"I'll tell him you'll be there in a little bit," Jasper said before shutting the door back.

She got on her knees in front of me again, avoiding eye contact with me as she gently cleaned my wounds and bandaged my face. She didn't speak to me, but I knew her well enough to know she believed she might as well have hit me herself. To her, my scratches were her fault. And yes, maybe if we hadn't postponed telling Blake about us, then we could have calmly told him ourselves, making sure he knew every detail and how we most certainly never meant to hurt him. _But_ who was to say he still wouldn't have hit me?

He probably would have.

The truth was that even though my face fucking hurt, the pain of not being with Bella was far worse, and I'd take a hundred punches from Blake everyday if it meant I still had her.

When she was finished cleaning me up and screwing the top back on the peroxide, I gently covered her hands with mine, halting her actions.

"Hey," I said forcefully. She still didn't look at me, only staring intently at our hands. I got on my knees beside her. Sliding from the tub, I said again, "Hey, look at me." Finally, her eyes rose to mine, looking sad and so, so unsure. "I'm fine. Okay?" She nodded. "Let's do this… _together_." She nodded again.

We left the supplies still laid out on the floor and took each other's hand as we exited the bathroom. Instead of finding the ones who had followed us into my apartment, Blake was the only one in the living room, his back facing us, rigid and waiting.

Together, we walked to the couch and together we sat and waited for Blake to turn and acknowledge us. I gently swept my thumb across her knuckles over and over again while her leg nervously bounced beside mine.

He was staring out the window as rain started to gently pitter pat against it. It had been cloudy all day, looking like it would be only a matter of time until the bottom fell out. And now… well, now it was about to pour.

Lastly, together, we stopped breathing as soon as Blake turned to face us.

Immediately, his eyes zeroed in on our joined hands. He shut his eyes as his breathing sped up. "_Jesus_, can you not do that in front of my fucking face right now? Have you any shred of decency left?" he yelled.

Our hands dropped, and we both looked away from him. He sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair and over his eyes. A quiet fell over us as we waited again for him to say something. I knew he was really unsure of where to start, and probably had too many questions in his head to even voice at the moment, but I desperately needed someone to say something. I was going crazy waiting around.

And now, truthfully, I had waited on this conversation long enough.

"Blake, I just want to say I never-"

But I didn't get to finish my apology before my head was bitten off again.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T GET TO FUCKING SAY A GODDAMN WORD TO ME!" he shouted, walking over to us swiftly and pointing his finger in my face.

My obvious reaction to his hand flying anywhere near my face was to lean back, so I did. Bella, however, leaned forward and started to cry softly in her hands.

Blake's eyes softened as he stared down at her. His hand dropped to his side as he stood over us, watching her break down in response to his outbursts. I laid a steady hand on her heaving back and made long strokes up and down.

"Shhh, it's okay, baby," I cooed in her ear.

Blake groaned, tugging roughly at his hair as he sat in a chair opposite of us. He didn't look at us as I continued to whisper in her ear lovingly and rub her back.

I wondered why he even wanted me in here if he didn't want me to talk. Maybe he just wanted to yell at me or hit me again. Either way, I was only there for Bella.

"_God_," he mumbled, looking at his feet as he hung his head in between his arms as they draped loosely over his knees.

As soon as Bella had calmed down and her sobs had finally subsided, I removed my hand. I was trying my best to sympathize with Blake and take into consideration his feelings about us. We had definitely blind-sided him, and so I would respect his wishes and keep my hands to myself… for now.

But his next words, which sounded so soft and so painful, cut me deeply. "I didn't even know the two of you were that close," he whispered, not looking at us.

And it was true. Neither one of us had told Blake of how we spoke on the phone all the time or how we would go to lunch or just… hang out. He didn't know of my feelings toward her, and so we had sufficiently kept him in the dark from knowing anything.

Finally, Bella spoke up.

"I'm sorry, Blake. I'm… so sorry. I didn't- _we_ didn't mean for this to happen."

He still didn't look up. "How long has this been going on?" he asked, staring at his feet.

"It just started. I promise you, _nothing_ happened until after…." she stopped for a moment and I knew she was about to mention his proposal but thought better of it; instead, she continued by saying, "… until after the wedding."

He raised his head to look at her at last. "But you told me you were in love with him?" He didn't sound angry at all. He just seemed… hurt.

Once meeting his eyes, Bella dropped her head and murmured, "I know."

When she didn't elaborate, he asked impatiently, "So?"

"So… what?"

"So how does this happen?" he asked, raising his voice. "How do two of the people that I trust the most in the world completely betray me?" He was yelling now, looking at us both and shouting menacingly. "How the _fuck_…." he sighed, shutting his eyes briefly, "… how could you do this to me?"

And this time, he wasn't talking to me. He was looking directly at Bella. When she didn't reply, he slowly walked to us. I was about to lean back, afraid for my face again, but he stopped in front of Bella and knelt to his knees. Slowly and cautiously, he reached out for her hands, taking them from her lap into his.

I couldn't watch this. I moved across the room to stand where Blake had stood when we walked in. The storm outside had grown immensely. Lightening lit the sky and thunder encompassed the room as I pretended not to listen to their intimate conversation.

"Bella," he whispered, sounding completely distraught. "What's going on? Huh? How can you sit there and pretend like I mean nothing?"

"What are you talking about?" she shouted. "You mean everything to me! You're one of my best friends, and you have no idea what I'm feeling right now."

"What _you're_ feeling right now? Are you kidding me?"

"I never wanted to hurt you, Blake! I just wanted to be happy and follow my heart."

"And I didn't make you happy?"

"Blake, please…."

"No. I want to know." He paused for a second, and I was so glad to not be looking at them. "Did I not make you happy?"

"Yes, of course," she murmured. "But I have never felt for anyone what I feel for Edward."

And it was that simple. In one sentence she had explained it all. Maybe analyzing every moment of every day would somehow bring around more questions instead of answers. But that… that sentence… those few words told more than a thousand ever could. I closed my eyes, shutting out the world, and just thought of what she had said. Being in love with her didn't have to make sense to anyone… not Blake or Rose or anyone. It made sense to us. And while, yes, we cared about them; we cared how they would feel and what they would think, _but_ at the end of the day, it's just us.

"I love you, Bella. I'm _in _love with you. And I'm always going to love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so what am I supposed to say when you tell me you've fallen in love with a guy you don't even know. You met him, what, two months ago? I _proposed _to you."

"I know you did. But even if I hadn't have met him, I would have said no. We have never talked about marriage, Blake. You've never mentioned it, not once. That's something we should have talked about before, but no… you just-"

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"But you should have at least talked about it with me!"

"AND YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME THE MINUTE YOU STARTED HAVING FEELINGS FOR HIM!" he screamed.

I finally turned around to see if Bella was all right. Blake would never hurt her, I knew that, but having him raise his voice like that to her made me nervous and very, very angry.

"Blake…." I started. But I never finished. I had nothing to say, nothing that hadn't already been said. I just wanted him to stop yelling at her.

He was standing in front of her still, looking down at her like he was completely enraged but also hating the sight of her bent over crying. I could clearly see the war inside him, the one side of him where he wanted her to feel pain. He wanted her to cry and cry and cry until she felt half as much as what he was feeling, but there was the other side of him. The one that still loved her, would continue to love her. The side of him that hurt to see her anything but happy.

So, when he turned to me after he heard me call his name, I wondered which side would be looking at me.

"Have you had feelings for her the whole time?" was the first thing he asked me.

A part of me wanted to say, _'Oh, I'm allowed to talk now?'_, but I didn't. Instead, I glanced at Bella who was watching me through tear-ridden eyes for my answer. I looked back at Blake and slowly nodded my head.

"And you knew how he felt?" he demanded from her.

She shut her eyes and nodded as well.

"Holy Jesus, Christ Almighty…." he started to rant, tugging roughly at the ends of his hair and walking around in circles in my small living room. I blocked him out as my eyes traveled to Alice's bedroom where I had seen a brief glance of movement.

And there, at the bottom of her door, I could clearly see the shadows of several different pairs of feet, all of whom were pressed as close to the door as possible. Under different circumstances, I would have laughed, but instead, I ignored it. They would all know what was going on soon enough anyway.

When I looked back at Blake, he was sitting in the chair again, across from her. His head was in his hands as he let out a long sigh, his shoulders shrugging as well.

"I'm moving in with Emmett and Rosalie until I can find my own place again. I gave my landlord notice months ago so I have to be out by the end of the week," he said into his hands. When he finally let them fall, he looked at Bella and asked, "Is Alice moving back in with you?"

Oh, shit.

"No," she replied.

"No?"

"No."

"So you're going to live there by yourself?"

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

"No."

And she stared up at me.

I groaned, running my hand over my face and looking away from both of them. Finally, a few seconds later, Blake yelled, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Blake…."

"No! No. No. No. NO!"

"Blake, I'm sorry…." she whispered. Her head hung low while she looked like a child getting punished by an angry parent.

"Well, don't be… because I give this whole thing with the two of you a month… TOPS!"

I knew he was just mad, and that he had every right to yell and say whatever he wanted to about us, but no matter the hard armor that I had prepared myself for could have shielded me from those words. While I had never once doubted my feelings for Bella, her feelings were still new to me. So for him to say it wouldn't last between us hit me like a knife in the stomach.

He stood up, clutching his hair to the point of looking utterly pained by it, then stared at the floor, his eyes glancing from side to side. We waited for whatever he had left to say. We had told him everything. There were, officially, no more lies between us. We weren't hiding anything anymore, and while yes, it felt good… it also felt like a whole other weight was put on our shoulders. We had hurt him. A friend… a _good_ friend who did nothing but love both of us, who did not deserve any of this. We had cut deeply, and more than likely… he was hurt beyond repair. And yes, mine and Bella's newfound love was something to celebrate, it was also detestable and ultimately an act of complete betrayal.

"I feel like a fool," he said. And he wasn't yelling; in fact, I had to strain myself and listen intently to hear him. "The two of you played me good." I looked away. I couldn't bear watching such a strong person crumble in front of me. "I never want to see either of you again."

He turned and left, leaving his words to hang in the air between us.

We weren't alone long because as soon as the front door of my apartment closed, Rosalie came out of Alice's bedroom, running after him. She didn't glance at us, not even Bella who was sobbing on the couch. And after that, Emmett came out, running after Rose. The slam of the door again made me wince right before I sat next to Bella and held her while her small body heaved, convulsing sob after convulsing sob.

It took an hour for her to stop crying. An hour. She ended up with a major headache in which I begged her to take a Tylenol PM and sleep for a while. Finally, she gave in and fell asleep in my arms, lying in my bed.

She was still in her black cotton dress from this afternoon and tall pumps, so I gently rose up and started to take off her shoes. Her red, puffy eyes didn't budge as I lifted her up for a brief moment to slip the dress off of her. In nothing but a tiny pair of bikini-cut, silk panties and matching black bra, she snuggled down in deep into my bed and let out a small sigh before the crease between her eyes ceased and her breaths regulated to a steady beat. I couldn't help the stirring in my dick as I watched her beautiful almost-naked body curl around my sheets perfectly and her hair splayed around her head like a chestnut blanket.

I had never seen anything more utterly astonishing in all my life.

But for now, I would kiss her wounds like she had tended to mine, and give her all the time in the world to heal before I would give my body what it was desperately telling me it wanted.

So, I covered her up, tucking the sheets under her chin and kissing her forehead gently before turning off the bedside light and stepping out of the room, leaving Sleeping Beauty to sleep until a new dawn approached.

Alice and Jasper were waiting on me when I first stepped foot outside my bedroom. They had their own questions and their own concerns, basically only things they hadn't already overheard us telling Blake. I answered what I could, telling them what I knew of the future which wasn't much, but how I was prepared to take it day by day. I asked them about how Blake was doing, and exactly how upset Rose was. They didn't give me much reassurance about Rosalie, apparently Emmett was keeping her as calm as possible and begging her to stay out of it. But they did say, they were somewhat surprised by Blake.

"Why?" I asked.

"It was like he didn't want to…." Jasper stopped, mid-sentence to think of the right word to say.

"He didn't fight for her," Alice finished, and Jasper nodded.

Had he not?

Alice had been the one to tell me only a few weeks ago to _fight_ for Bella "to the death" I believe is what she had said. I suppose I had done that. Giving up on Bella had never been considered as an option, and now that I thought back on it, maybe Blake had given up a little too easily.

"What do you think that means?" I asked them.

"Maybe Bella wasn't the only one who didn't love as much as she should have in that relationship," Jasper suggested.

"If it was me, I would have gone completely crazy," I said out-loud, mostly to myself.

Alice laughed. "I think you did for a while. But you picked up the pieces and fought for her. And now… you got her."

And so I smiled, because… yeah, I did get her.

I took my laptop and school books up to Bella's empty apartment using her key to get in. Alice and Jasper had taken up the living room, watching movies, and our apartment was just too small not to get distracted just sitting in the next room. So I spread out everything on Bella's large dining room table and got to work.

I had been working for about two hours when I heard the front door creak open. My heart stopped for a moment, afraid it might have been Blake or Rose, but I let out a long relieved breath when I heard Bella's voice sleepily call out, "Edward?"

"In here, baby," I answered.

She walked around the corner into the room, rubbing her eyes and looking like a little, sleepy child in an oversized t-shirt of mine and a pair of tiny white cotton shorts. "Hey."

"Why are you awake?" I asked.

She shrugged and didn't reply as she stepped closer to me and crawled into my lap, sitting on my knee and folding herself into a small ball against my chest. She rested her head underneath my chin as she looked down at my pile of books.

"Whatcha doin'?" she questioned with a yawn.

I set down my pen and rubbed my hands up and down her legs. "Workin'," I smiled. "You should go back to bed."

She shook her head, rubbing her nose against the sensitive skin on my neck. "I like your glasses," she whispered, her warm breath ghosting across me, making me shiver.

"Thank you."

She slipped them off my face and put them on her. She smiled at me before leaning forward and picking up a piece of paper from the table. "Hey, I like these."

I chuckled taking the paper from her and setting it back down. I slipped the glasses from her face as well so I could look into her bright blue eyes and ask an important question. "Are you okay?"

The smile she had just been giving me slid from her face and a slight frown replaced it. She let out a sigh before resting herself back into a ball against me. In a faint whisper, she replied, "I will be."

Then, I felt lips along my neck. I was startled at first until I felt them again under my ear and along my jaw until I felt kisses everywhere and shivered once more.

"What are you doing?" I laughed.

"Mmmm," she hummed against me. "You took my clothes off of me after I fell asleep."

"No, I didn't."

"Hmm," she murmured, continuing to kiss along my neck. "Yes, you did… _Professor_."

This time a cool chill ran down my spine. I leaned my head away from her to give her more room as I shut my eyes. "I was a perfect gentleman. I didn't look I promise."

"So, you don't know what color underwear I'm wearing right now?" she whispered.

I shook my head. "No idea." I felt her tongue slip out and leave an opened mouth kiss on my collarbone. A growl erupted in my chest. "I do love you in black though. But that's… that's just a guess."

"Uh-huh," she replied, licking under my ear. "You'd be wrong then." She moved swiftly in my lap until she was straddling my waist. "I'm not wearing any."

I groaned loudly, catching her lips with mine. "Fuck, _you're sexy_," I said in a single breath.

She moaned into my mouth as I pulled away the flimsy cotton of her shorts to run my fingers along her bare, wet slit. I only touched her for a moment before I removed my hands and my lips from hers to hastily undo my belt and unbutton my pants. While I concentrated on getting my cock out as quickly as possible, Bella stood up in front of me and pulled off her shorts, then swiftly took off her shirt too, leaving her completely naked.

"_Shit_." I couldn't get my clothes off fast enough. I had to stop staring at her, so I watched my hands and zipped down my jeans then sat up just enough to push my pants down to my ankles. As soon as I was done, Bella's fingers reached for the ends of my shirt and pulled it over my head.

And instead of doing what I expected her to do… climb right back in my lap and sit right on top of me, she surprised me by turning around and walking off.

"Wha… where are you going?" I called with almost of squeak of surprise in my voice.

"I need a shower," she replied, never turning her head.

"Are you kidding me?" I left my clothes and my books behind as I stood up and tried running after her, but my pants which were still wrapped around my ankles only allowed me to walk short, quick steps. I grunted and groaned as I reached down and had to skip on one foot to remove my pants and boxers completely.

Leaving them in the hallway, I ran after her. I followed her all the way into her room where I barely spotted her beautiful round ass as she stepped into her bathroom.

"Are you serious right now?" I called out to her.

She poked her head around the corner, her hair looking long and wavy over her shoulder with a big beautiful smile on her face. Seeing her smile… seeing her eyes sparkle like they were made for me made me momentarily forget my poor aching erection.

"I'll be out in a minute," she laughed then shut the door.

She was obviously joking. Right?

I walked to the door and listened to the water running on the other side. Maybe she's not. I scoffed to myself and ran my hand through my hair.

_Am I really standing outside her bathroom butt-naked while she stands on the other side naked too with water running down her?_

I reached for the handle and had a thought. If she was being serious, she would have locked it, right? I stood for a moment holding the handle and considering whether or not to try to open it. What if she had locked it? My dick would be seriously disappointed.

Oh, well.

I twisted the handle. Unlocked. Thank God. I walked inside, immediately being hit by the steam coming from the shower. I looked at the clear glass, seeing the outline of her long, lean body as she was bent over and had obviously not heard me come in.

I stepped as lightly to the door as I could and slowly slid it open. I was met with her glorious ass for only a moment before she whirled around and smirked at me.

Then slowly, another beautiful wide smile took over her face before she said, "Well… took you long enough."

I had enough time to step in the shower fully before she was on me. Her wet body was pressed completely against me as the smell of her soap surrounded me from all sides, leaving me helpless to stop any other rational thoughts from entering my mind. Her kisses silenced me and left me breathless as her hands roamed my naked body. My back was against the tile wall while my hands traveled over her back and down her ass, grabbing and groping her slick skin.

I knew it would always be like this. We had battled fate and faced every impossible odds, but here we were… together. We would always want each other, no matter what or even who was in our way. We would always win. Our love, our connection could not be stopped, and now we were free. The secret was out, and nothing was left to stop us. So together we would now no longer struggle. We could just be this… be two bodies molded together.

I swiftly moved us so she was now pressed against the wall, and I had free rein to kiss down her neck to her chest then up again to her mouth where our tongues collided again and again. The heat from the water and her skin with the added intensity of her smell made me furious in love and lust. And maybe we would feel our remorse and guilt for hurting those close to us in the morning, but now… we just needed each other. And maybe, that would be all we would ever need.

She surprised me again by turning around, her hands splayed on the wall her back had just been on. She bent slightly at the waist to rub her ass against my aching, throbbing cock. I couldn't take much more waiting, and yes, I had been waiting too long.

So I entered her pussy from behind. She let out a long, breathy yell where all I could clearly hear was my name. I held her hips while I pounded into her again and again and watched the lovely sight of my cock getting lost in her flesh. My hands moved to her wet back then around to her breasts which rocked over and over as I continued to thrust. I had to bend my legs quite a lot to accommodate to her height, but the soreness in my knees never registered in my mind as I continued to watch our bodies become one.

She turned her head to kiss me, the movement of her hair down her back caught my eye so I moved slightly to lay my lips upon hers. She moaned and whimpered into my mouth, and I couldn't stop… I wouldn't stop.

Her ass moved backwards to meet my hips with every thrust, sending waves of pleasure to shoot everywhere in my body again and again. My god, how I loved this woman.

It didn't take long for her to come, calling my name in a loud shout right before I was yelling hers in response and shooting my pleasure down the shower drain.

I let her go long enough for her to turn around and look up at me as she tried to control her breathing. A small, satisfied smile graced her mouth.

"That was your plan all along, wasn't it?" I smirked at her.

"Don't say you didn't love it," she smiled.

I laughed and laid my almost limp hands on either side her head. I leaned in close to her, running my lips along her neck. "I love _you_," I said into her skin.

Her hands tickled my sides lightly until they slowly ran up my chest and around my neck. "I love it when you say that."

So I'd say it for the rest of our lives. Every day. Until I ran out of breath.

_Hopelessly  
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss  
Hopelessly  
I feel like the window closes oh so quick  
Hopelessly  
I'm taking a mental picture of you now  
'Cuz hopelessly  
The hope is we have so much to feel good about_

_Oh this has gotta be the good life  
This has gotta be the good life  
This could really be a good life, good life_

"_Good Life" - OneRepublic_


	31. The End

**A/N: Thank you to my team. They did an amazing job helping me with this monster of a chapter. **

**First things first, I've been nominated for two Shimmer Awards! Yay! Best Angst and Best New Author. You can vote here at shimmerawards[dot]blogspot[dot]com. Thanks for the nomination and support of this story. It's been a wild ride, for sure. **

**Also, I'm on twitter now. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but you may certainly follow me at Twihart21ff. I post good shit.**

**This is the last regular chapter. **

* * *

_Just remember_

_Oh, remember,_

_I love the way you love me._

Chapter Thirty: The End

"Make it a public place so you'll have lots of witnesses," I joked.

Bella scoffed, burying her head in the crook of my arm as we lay in bed and discussed her up-coming reunion with Rosalie. It had been two weeks since we had gotten back from Malibu and told Blake. Two weeks since either of us had spoken to him or even Rosalie. Emmett had been over almost every day to hang out with Jasper and me, but he never really spoke about what he was having to deal with at home. I told him I was sorry for ruining his honeymoon, but he just shrugged and assured me that I had done nothing of the sort. It was Rose's choice to come back; Bella and I had certainly not forced her. Other than that, Emmett never really spoke of the situation. However, I was almost certain he wasn't telling Rose that he was coming over to see us regularly.

Two weeks of silence from Blake and Rosalie was, I suppose, good and bad. It was good because they weren't calling us or knocking at our door to try to kill us or yell at us some more. But it was also bad because… we missed them. I missed Blake. Emmett and Jasper were my brothers, and while I loved them dearly and considered them both great friends, it just wasn't the same. I missed my friend, and not having him around was leaving a void in my life.

And Bella… well, I could tell she was deeply upset about Rose. She was used to seeing and talking to Rosalie every day, and now, she wouldn't speak to her. Bella had tried calling, but every call went unanswered. Until today. Bella needed to pay off the last month of rent on their apartment so Rosalie was going to meet her tomorrow to give her the other half of the money, and also to… talk.

"She hates me," Bella stated.

"She doesn't _hate_ you. She's just caught between her brother, her own flesh and blood, and her best friend. She wants you both to be happy. She'd be doing the same thing to Blake if Blake had done you wrong." She only sighed in response, giving me a tight squeeze around my waist. "Do you want me to go with you?"

She laughed. "She specifically said for me _not_ to invite you."

"Well, damn. Okay…but I really don't care what she wants. If _you _want me to go, then I'll go."

She shook her head slightly and replied, "That's okay. I'll be fine."

Rose and I had never been very close in my dream, but I always considered her a close friend. I knew she could always take care of Bella, and be there for her, and give her whatever she needed. That was just the type of person she was. She wasn't overly affectionate or emotional, but she loved deeply and cared for those closest to her. Rose was the type of person you could call if you were stuck on the side of the road. She would drop everything to be there for you. And now, I sort of felt like I would never have that type of relationship with her again. Maybe she would never forgive me for taking something away from her brother. I had betrayed her family, and maybe that was something she could never forgive.

The truth was she would more than likely forgive Bella. I mean, could anyone stay mad at Bella for long? She was pretty hard not to love. She would obviously have to learn to deal with me since I was Emmett's brother, and I was certainly not ever planning on being anywhere without Bella. She would have to get over it, right?

"I missed you today," Bella whispered against my bare chest.

I smiled into her hair and laid a soft kiss on the top of her head. "You did?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I missed you too."

We were so sickening sweet.

I rolled on top of her, careful not to crush her, and gently kissed her lips, soft at first then with more intensity. Her hands roamed my back up and down until finding a home in my hair. And just like that, Rose and Blake and everything else were forgotten.

Resting my weight on one of my arms by her head, I expertly used my other hand to inch my way under her tight tank top. I caressed the skin of her belly for only a moment before making my way to her….

"JASPER!" Alice shrieked from inside the bathroom. Their incessant giggling quickly stopped the movement of my hand and our make out session.

I sighed, laying my forehead against Bella's shoulder. "Ugh, are you kidding me?"

"Let's just go up to my apartment. It'll be fine," she assured.

"Let's go up there and never leave."

"Shut up. Come on."

Since the house was taking much longer than expected, I had a genius idea of us moving into Bella's old apartment which had us arguing about it for the past two weeks. I really wanted all of us to move in because it was so much bigger and a hell of a lot more spacious, plus there were two and a half baths. Right now, we had one bathroom for four people which connected into our rooms so that meant _everything_ was heard distinctly.

But Bella didn't want me to pay all of the rent for the bigger apartment. I had been as convincing as I possibly could by telling her I obviously had enough money to pay for it, that my apartment in LA was at least five times the rent of their apartment, but she was stubborn and wouldn't listen to any of my arguments.

She gently pushed me up and jumped out of bed. "Come on, let's go finish what you started," she said, tugging on my arm.

I grinned. "Okay, okay. No need to be pushy. I'll dick it to you, woman. Don't you worry."

She rolled her eyes and started out the door.

The next day, I was in the middle of teaching class when my phone started vibrating in my pocket. Normally on any other day, I would just silence it and wait until students left before answering. But today was not just any other day. Today, Bella was going to call me before and after she talked to Rosalie.

I stopped mid-sentence and checked the screen to be sure it was her.

"Excuse me for one minute. Read over page 227, especially the section dealing with habeas corpus. I'll be right back," I told the class, then immediately stepped out into the hall. "Hey, sweetie," I answered.

"Hey." Her voice was a little shaky because she was obviously trying to handle her nervousness. "I'm on my way right now. What are you doing?"

"Oh, just teaching class."

"Shit! I'm sorry. I'll let you go."

"No, no. It's fine. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

She sighed. "I was fine all day until about thirty minutes ago. Now… now I dunno."

"She loves you, baby, just as much as she loves Blake. She'll listen to you."

"I hope so." She didn't sound certain at all. "I wish you were going with me."

"Me too. But you'll be fine. And if you need _anything_ don't hesitate to call me. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, I'll answer, okay?"

"Okay."

"All right, well call me when you're done."

"Okay."

"Bye, baby."

"Wait! Edward?" she yelled frantically.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

I smiled, and my heart soared. "I love you too."

She didn't call me back for _three hours_. Three hours! What could two girls possibly discuss in three hours? I had tried calling her after one hour, then again an hour and half later. By the two hour mark, I was calling her every fifteen minutes. I was sure Rose had killed her. Yep, she had struck her dead and was now burying her body.

However, three hours later, an exuberant and happy Bella finally strolled through the door of our apartment.

"Hey, babe!" she giggled, running over to me and jumping in my lap on the couch. She wrapped her arms around my neck and began planting kisses along my jaw until finally settling on my lips.

"Hey," I replied against her lips, shocked beyond belief still.

"How was your day?" she mumbled against the skin of my neck.

"It was okay. How was yours?" I asked wearily.

"Soooooo much better than I expected!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! I mean, she was pissed off when I first got there. She gave me a lot of shit at first…."

"Like what? What did she say?" I asked.

She shrugged. "She wanted to know _everything_. She wanted to know when I first started having feelings for you and when we first kissed and when we first… had sex. Just _everything_."

"So what did you tell her?"

She sat up and began playing with the buttons of my shirt, not looking into my eyes and definitely avoiding my gaze. "I told her… that I liked you from the moment I met you. I felt something after just seeing you." I stroked her back with one hand and rubbed her exposed knees with the other, trying desperately to keep my cool even though my chest felt like it was expanding with immense pride after every word she said. "I told her… I, uh… I told her that I loved you from the very beginning." I smiled and kissed her temple. "I told her how happy you make me, how after just a few months of knowing you, I truly think you're…." and she stopped.

She glanced up at me from under her lashes then looked away immediately.

"That I'm…." I urged.

Instead of answering, she kissed me. And I mean _really_ kissed me. She knew exactly how to shut me up. She straddled my lap, pushing away my books and papers to the other side of the couch. I clutched her ass while sliding my tongue across her lips and into her mouth.

"God, you're so sexy with your glasses on," she murmured against my lips.

I moaned in response, running my fingers along the ends of her shirt.

"We're alone," I whispered.

"Mmm… I really need a shower first." She kissed me once more then stood up in front of me.

I quickly grabbed her hand before she could walk away. "Is this another one of those 'I am going to purposely get you worked up then leave you hanging so you'll follow me into the shower' type things?" I asked with a smile. "Because I've already showered tonight, but I'm totally down for another one."

She giggled and shook her head. "I'll be out in a minute then we can continue." She squeezed my hand then skipped into the bathroom.

I was glad to hear how Rose had reacted. It was a little surprising to me, but a good surprise nonetheless. Maybe after a few weeks to think about it, Rose had calmed down some and started to really think about the whole situation in its entirety. I wasn't naïve enough to believe she had forgiven us completely, but it was a start. I was still anxious though to hear everything they talked about, but I guessed I would have to wait until she was out of the shower, and we were in bed for the night since that was usually when we laid around and talked.

I heard the shower running a little bit later so I got back to studying and writing up the week's lessons like I had been before Bella had gotten home. A few minutes later, Jasper arrived, looking tired and worn out after a day at the hospital.

"What's up?" I greeted him.

"Ugh… not much. Man, I'm so tired. I cannot tell you how ready I am to be done with my residency."

"Aw, you don't have much longer."

He plopped down roughly on the couch next to me and let out a long, tired sigh. "Someone in the shower?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. She's in there right now, but she'll be out in just a minute."

He didn't reply, only nodded and made his way into Alice's bedroom and quietly shut the door behind him.

It wasn't too much longer before Alice arrived as well.

"What's up? How was your day?" I asked her.

She opened her mouth to answer me, but she never got the chance. Bella's loud, shrill scream filled the apartment. I jumped up and raced into our bedroom, dread pumping through my veins. I flung the door open, only to be met with a dripping wet Bella in only a towel, followed by Jasper who was also in a towel.

"Wha-what happened?" I asked, looking at Bella then Jasper then back to Bella. Alice stood right behind me.

"I am so sorry, Bella! Seriously! I am so, so sorry," he repeated.

Bella turned around, facing him and clutching her towel closely around her body. "Don't you knock? There's four of us living here!"

"I thought you were Alice," he protested. He turned his attention to me. "You said Alice was in the shower!"

"I said 'she'. There's two 'she's' living here!"

"You walked in on Bella in the shower?" Alice asked.

"I thought it was you!"

"That's it!" Bella yelled. "That's it! I've had enough! Edward?" She turned to me.

"Yes, dear?" I smiled, knowingly.

"We're moving into my apartment."

"Well, if that's really what you want…."

"Oh, shut up," she huffed. My smile just gave too much away. She absolutely knew how much I was enjoying this. She stomped off, past Jasper, making sure there was plenty of room between them then slammed the door of the bathroom.

"Well… all of us just got a lot closer." Alice giggled, then walked back to her room… cackling the entire way.

"Man… I just want you to know, I didn't really see anything," Jasper whispered to me. My eyes narrowed while my smile completely slipped from my face. "Okay, well, I saw the back… not the front."

"Get out of here." I laughed, pushing his shoulder as he followed right behind Alice.

I waited in our bedroom until Bella came out a little while later in a tank top and shorts with wet hair.

"So, we're moving?" I smirked.

"Don't tell me you planned that?"

"What? Are you kidding? Do you really think I'd ever want anyone to see you naked besides me?"

"Ugh." She covered her face with her hands. "That was humiliating."

"He said he didn't see much."

"Ha!" she cried. "He saw _everything_. And I saw…." She stopped, looking up at me and walked around to her side of the bed.

"You saw…." I hedged.

She smiled. "I guess all the Cullen boys are packin'."

So a week later, we moved into Bella's much bigger apartment. Jasper insisted on splitting everything with me even though I tried to refuse him. But I was pleasantly surprised when he assured me it would help him sleep at night knowing he was paying for his and Alice's half of everything. So… each couple finally had their own bedroom _and_ bathroom.

Bella and I took her old bedroom, only having to move my things into her room and tone down all things too girly. Alice and Jasper took Rose's room because it was the second biggest and had the largest closet.

So, Rosalie had to come over on Saturday, our moving day, and make sure she had all of her old stuff out and cleaned up. In other words, Rose had to finally face me.

I was too busy working in mine and Bella's room to notice that she was here yet, so it wasn't until I had to go into her old bedroom to drop off a box of Alice's stuff that had gotten mixed in with mine that I _finally_ came face to face with her.

"Hey Alice, I found this box of towels, and I think their yo-" I stopped right as I looked around and saw a blonde head peek around the door of the closet and lock eyes with me. "Oh. You're not Alice."

She rolled her eyes at me then looked away, going back to what she was doing before I entered.

"Are you getting everything? Do you need any more boxes?" I asked, maybe I was kissing her ass a little too much.

She didn't respond.

I stood awkwardly in the doorway, waiting for her to talk to me, and truthfully, I wasn't above pleading with her to forgive me, but I knew that would more than likely just push her that much further away. I wanted her to talk things out with me like she had with Bella. I wanted her to tell me how Blake was doing, if the wounds he suffered from had healed like mine. I wanted her to tell me everything would be back to normal again… I just had to give it a little more time. But she said none of those things. She just continued to ignore me as she sorted through her belongings that had been left behind.

I sighed, resigned to giving her a little more time and turned to walk back out the door. "Bye, Rose," I whispered.

I was almost into the hallway when I heard, "Edward, wait!"

I rushed back in, finding her in the middle of the room waiting for me. "Yeah?"

She let out a long sigh and looked away. "I don't… _hate_ you."

I smiled. "Good."

"I don't particularly _like_ you either."

"Okay…."

"But you're Emmett's brother, and it looks like you're going to be sticking around for a while so we're going to just have to deal with each other," she said, frowning the entire time.

"For what it's worth… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you and your family." _I'm not sorry for falling in love with Bella._

She nodded. "I'm sorry I told him."

And that was that. Conversation over. She turned back around and continued putting things in boxes. That was all I was getting from Rosalie today, but I'd take it. It was better than nothing, and more than I expected.

The next couple of months went by in a flash, and before I could blink, it was Christmas. I couldn't believe how much time had passed. Things seemed so much _easier_ between Bella and me than in my dream. Maybe it was all of the secrets and lies between us that kept our relationship from growing as quickly as it should have, or maybe it was because of my own insecurities and bad choices. Either way, now… when it really counted… when we were here, together in reality, I had never, _ever_ been happier.

And my god, I couldn't believe it was Christmas _again_.

During the break, we all went to my parent's house in Forks to stay for the long weekend and celebrate Thanksgiving just as we had in my dream… together as a family. Only this time… no Blake. I couldn't say I was surprised. Bella and I hadn't heard a word from him or about him at all in almost two months. We wanted to give him space and time, and if we were really being honest… we were still way too caught up in each other to even worry about anyone else.

And after eating a large meal with my entire family, we were wrapped in each other sitting outside on my parent's patio, drinking wine and laughing as my dad told embarrassing stories of us as kids. There weren't enough chairs for all of us, but Bella waved at my mom dismissively when she offered to go inside and pull out a few of the dining room chairs. Instead, she plopped in my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck.

My mom's eyes sparkled.

"Emmett had this thing about banging his head…." Carlisle started.

"Dad, seriously-"

Carlisle smiled then turned his head to Bella. "He'd bang his head on anything. I mean, _anything_. Walls, floors…."

"Dad!"

Bella giggled, leaning into my side. "Why?"

"Hell if I know. He'd run around, screaming in the house then stop long enough to bang his head on something then start back up again." Emmett groaned with his face in his hands as we continued laughing. "Damndest thing I've ever seen. And look at him now. He's bringing other people's kids into this world."

She let out a loud laugh before taking the last sip of her wine. "Do you want another glass?" I whispered in her ear, letting my nose trail along her neck.

She leaned further into me, and I felt her hair shift beside my face as she nodded. "Yes, please."

I patted her leg for her stand up, so she did and then took the chair I had been sitting in. As I was pouring her another glass of wine and getting another beer for myself, I had an odd feeling. I could feel another presence in the room while also feeling eyes on me.

Slowly, I turned my head and came face to face with my mom who had a wide grin.

"What?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

I shrugged and popped the top on my beer bottle. I took a long gulp while glancing back over my shoulder at her. She hadn't moved at all, and still had a huge smile on her face.

"Really, Ma. What is it?"

"Nothing." She shrugged again. I rolled my eyes because I knew exactly what was going on with her. I grabbed Bella's glass and was almost out of the kitchen when I heard her say behind me, "It's just that she's so wonderful, Edward! And you both seem so happy! Oh, I just love her! I'm so happy for you. You know, I never worried about your brothers growing up. It seemed like they always knew what they wanted and just how to get it. But you… you were a mystery. You always needed an extra push or shove in the right direction. But I always knew you would find her. And you did! You've found her!"

"Ma, please…." I groaned.

She ran to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Oh, Edward! I'm so happy I could just die!"

I chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "I'm happy too. _Finally_." She shut her eyes and squeezed me harder, letting out a soft sigh as she did so. "Uh… I need to ask you something."

She let go of me and took a step back, with a smile still on her face. "Sure. What is it?"

"Do you know where Gammie's ring is? You know, the one she said for me to have?"

And suddenly, her expression completely changed. Her smile slipped from her face, leaving wide eyes and slightly parted lips. I thought for a moment that maybe she wasn't excited or happy for me at all, making me wonder if this really was too soon. And so for those first few seconds of us just staring at each other, her in utter shock and me praying for any other response, I really wanted to just take back my question, rewind and pretend I hadn't just taken all of this too far too soon.

But then… she started shaking. I mean, literally _shaking_ from head to toe. Her hand came up to her chest to grasp at her heart. And a slow, sad smile graced her lips for a moment before it turned into a massive grin. Then, I became the one that was stunned as tears started to prickle in the corner of her eyes, and she began to talk so quickly that her words slurred together.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod, _ohmygod_! I know exactly where it is! I'll go get it right now!" she said as she started past me.

I quickly stepped in front of her. "Ma! No, I'll get it from you before we leave."

"That's silly. I'll go get it right now, so you can go ahead and give it to her while you're here."

I chuckled. "No, that's okay. I have to get it sized anyway. Bella wears a five."

"Oh! I'll get it sized tomorrow."

"Ma, that's really okay. I'll do it whenever we get back."

"No, no, no. I'll have it done by next week and bring it out to you."

"I'm not proposing in front of you. It's just not gonna happen." She huffed at that and crossed her arms, scowling at me from the corner of her eye. "Plus, I'm not gonna do it right away. We've only been together a few of months. I'm not even sure she's thinking about marriage right now."

"So, when then?"

"I don't know. Maybe the middle of next year."

"WHAT?" she screamed. "No, no, no. I'll have it ready for you by the first of next month."

"Ma, no. That's way too soon. Bella _just_ got out of a two year relationship, remember? She needs time."

She waved her hand at me and sauntered past me, pretending not to hear a word I'd said. "Christmas time is perfect. Good compromise, son."

Later on that night, after everyone had been asleep for several hours, I woke up and had trouble falling back asleep. I didn't want to wake Bella, so I made my way to the kitchen for an early morning snack. I was just stepping inside when I saw movement beside me. I jumped, startled and confused until my eyes focused on Rosalie's form.

"Sorry," she said gruffly. "I couldn't sleep."

I righted myself and eased my rapid heartbeat. "Yeah, me neither." I took out mom's chocolate pie from the refrigerator and grabbed two spoons, not bothering with plates since there wasn't much left. I sat beside Rose and offered her one of the spoons. She stared at it for a moment, then glanced to my eyes then back at the spoon. Finally, she took it and ate a bite.

She nodded her head in approval. "That's good."

"Yeah." I nodded as well.

We ate in silence. Our chairs had quite a bit of space between them, but I knew Rose still felt somewhat uncomfortable being so close to me. Still though, she didn't feel the need to fill the silence between us which was nice, since I was so done with convincing her to forgive me.

"How's Blake?" I asked, because truly, he had been on my mind during the holiday.

If she was surprised by my question, she didn't show it. She never missed a beat as she replied quickly, "He's… good. He's at our parent's place in Texas this weekend."

"Oh." I nodded even though she wasn't looking at me. "So, he's okay then?"

"Yeah. He'll be fine." I felt better hearing it, even if she might not have been giving me the whole truth. But I couldn't help but feel like Rosalie wouldn't sugarcoat anything for my sake. If Blake was depressed or still highly upset over anything, I knew she would have told me. But then, something happened in Rose. I feel it as it happened. Her rigid body relaxed, her shoulders fell forward a little and her back gave way to the weight of it. She still looked at the pie between us as she said, "He thinks they tried to make it work for me, mostly."

For some reason, I was shocked by this. Maybe I had never thought of it from that perspective. I had always believed it was completely my fault. _I _had torn apart their relationship. But to hear that maybe Bella and Blake hadn't been the happiest couple, that maybe they had crumbled their relationship together seemed to baffle me.

"What?" was all I could say.

"Yeah. He, uh, he said he knew how much I liked seeing them together. Ya know? Having my best friend dating my brother. And maybe I did. Maybe I pushed them to be together too much. Maybe I wanted them to be exactly like Emmett and I, when they clearly weren't. They didn't want to disappoint me or if things didn't work out between them, they didn't want me to have to choose between the two. And I guess that makes sense, right?"

She was acting like a different person to me, suddenly. But I liked it. This Rose, I could handle. This Rose was a friend, confiding in another friend.

"Yeah, but Rose, what I did-"

"Is inexcusable, I know. But I'm telling you all this so you know he doesn't completely blame you. He blames himself too. And I think… no, I _know_, he sees now that they weren't like Emmett and I… like you and Bella are now."

I smiled, and my heart felt lighter than it had in a long time. Rosalie was finally beginning to understand me… and Bella as a couple. And these baby steps we were taking would take us very far, I was certain.

"I might not _like _you, Edward. But I love the way you are with Bella. And she loves you, so I'm just going to have to… accept that."

"I love her too. Very much."

She was quiet for a moment. And I thought maybe this was the end of one of the best conversations in my life. She had told me all I needed to know, and so much more. I had a straight face on the outside, but on the inside, I was elated.

"Did Bella tell you what we talked about when we had lunch for the first time afterwards?"

"Some of it. Why?"

"You plan on staying with her awhile, right?" She looked at me as she asked.

"I want to marry her, I'm just unsure if she's ready or even if she sees the same in me."

She set down her spoon on the plate and gently pushed it away from us. Then, she turned toward me and looked at me directly once again. Her expression was serious as she searched my face and said, "She said something to me that I think you should know."

My heart raced. "What is it?"

A smile cracked across her lips. "'_He's the one'._"

Not more than a couple minutes later, I walked into mine and Bella's room, tiptoeing to the side of the bed in the darkness. A soft blue light from the moonlight lit the bare skin of her back as she lay on her stomach with her face turned away from me. Her skin looked like marble, not a single blemish, not a single impurity. She might as well have been glass.

The gentle rise and fall of her back continued evenly as I stepped closer and closer to her, my heart pumping faster and faster with each step. I took a single hand and ran my finger in a straight line from the top of her neck to the bottom of her back where it met the sheets. When she still did not stir, I laid a single soft kiss on her shoulder, not pulling my head back but instead, letting my nose trace a circle around where I had kissed.

A light rustling of sheets around her legs gave me notice that she had woken, then the slow roll of her shoulders to face me confirmed it. A slight smile lined her face while her blue eyes sparkled under thick and sleepy eyelashes. I rested my chin on her chest and smiled up at her.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey," she replied, just as softly. "Is it morning?"

I shook my head slightly. "No."

"Why are you awake?" she asked.

"I couldn't sleep."

"You should have woken me up. I would have stayed up with you."

I shrugged then slowly rose up a little to capture her lips with mine. When I pulled back again, she was still smiling.

I moved beside her, getting under the covers and snuggling as close to her as possible. Her naked body was warm and comforting pressed tightly against me.

"I love you," she whispered into my chest.

I smiled as I closed my eyes. "I love you too."

When we got back from Christmas break, it only took me one day before I was knocking on Rosalie and Emmett's door, looking for Blake. I had a plan.

I stood outside on the porch steps, shifting my weight from one side to the other when the door swung open, revealing my best friend whom I had betrayed and hurt so deeply.

His shocked eyes took one good look at me from head to toe before he stepped out of the doorway to slam the door in my face.

"Hey! Wait!" I called out as I stuck my hand quickly and grabbed ahold of the door as firmly as I could so it wouldn't close. "I'm just here to drop off something for Emmett."

The door slowly reopened a little at a time until Blake's head was peeking through the small opening next to the door frame, looking at me skeptically. He still had yet to say anything, so I fished in my pocket and brought out my reason for stopping by.

"Emmett left his phone charger at my apartment." I held it up in front of his face on display.

His blue eyes darted from me to the object then back to me, still looking very skeptical. "I'll give it to him," he said, finally, reaching out for the charger.

I snatched it back toward me quickly. "Can I come in?" He retracted his hand immediately and narrowed his eyes at me. "Just for a second?"

I was already planning on begging him and making up a more legitimate excuse to come in, before he sighed and stepped back to open the door wider. I was momentarily shocked that it had been as easy as it was before I righted myself and stepped inside.

I moved to the side awkwardly, waiting on Blake to lead us wherever he wanted to go. He stood next to me for a moment, looking at me from the corner of his eye. He still seemed suspicious of me, which I didn't blame him for at all, but he let out a long sigh after a while and started walking.

I followed him into the living room where he had obviously been prior to me knocking on his door. He took his spot on the couch with a small fall and thud of his bare feet on the coffee table. I sat in a chair next to him, not too close, of course. He seemed to have his walls up pretty high at the moment.

"So… how are you?" I asked.

His head turned to me quickly, narrowing his eyes. He huffed and gave a phony grin. "Seriously?"

"Well, I mean, it's been a while since I've seen you. I've just been wondering how you're doing, ya know?"

"Yeah, Rose said you keep asking about me."

I smiled inwardly because I believed I had finally accomplished the impossible and pulled Rose onto my side. "Well, I… I… you know… _care_ to know how you're doing."

"_Why_?" he asked in a breathy whisper.

"Because, Blake. Damn, just… _because_."

"Because why?"

"Because you… mean something to me."

He scoffed. "Friendship obviously means jack shit to you."

"Okay, okay!" I threw my hands up and began to raise my voice. "I get it. _Goddamn_. I fell in love with your girlfriend. She chose me over you. Blah, blah, blah. You can't be angry at us your whole life. You know we had no other choice…."

"No, no, no! You can't sit there and pretend to know anything about what I've been feeling, okay? You know _nothing_!"

"Are you serious? Are you fucking serious right now?" I screamed.

"Yeah, I know all about your weird-ass ecstasy trip where you fell in love with Bella for seven months. Rose told me, okay? It's not the same."

"You know _absolutely nothing_ about what I've been through. Do you hear me?" I stood up abruptly and towered over him with my finger in his face, just as he had done me not but a few months ago. "I woke up in bed with a girl I didn't know, in a house I didn't know… in a city I'd never lived in… with a job I had no idea how to do! And I had to cope. I had to get through it because I had no other choice. I wasn't planning on falling in love with Bella. I wasn't planning on ever meeting you and liking you. But I did. In my dream, we were best friends and had been for many years. You took care of Bella and helped her when I didn't know how. You did almost as much as I did, but just in a different way.

"And so for seven months… seven _long_ months, I got to know not only her but also you. So after I woke up, and I saw you… _man_, I was so happy. I thought that _maybe_ we could be friends just like we had been. And Blake, I _swear_ to you, I had no idea you were her boyfriend until Jake's party. And after that night, I promised myself I would leave it alone. I couldn't come between two people whom I cared so much about, especially when, from the outside, they looked so happy."

He stared down at his hands that were folded in his lap. I was still standing over him, but my stance had eased on him some to where I didn't look quite so menacing.

And so finally, he knew. He knew it all.

"And you know, I'm sorry about the way that it happened. The whole thing just fucking sucked. And I'm so sorry that we hurt you, that you feel betrayed by us. That was never what either of us wanted. We fought it as long as we did because we both loved you so much. But there just came a time where we just…." I sighed and ran my fingers over my hair. "… _we knew._"

There was nothing but silence after that. Blake's eyes stayed wide and straight ahead as it looked like he was concentrating intently on the tops of his feet set out in front of him. I sighed once more and sat back in my seat next to him. A few more minutes passed by before he spoke again, in nothing but a whisper.

"I'm sorry I hit you."

I chuckled and rubbed my head again. "S'okay." I looked to the floor and added, "I'm pretty sure I deserved it."

"Rose told me how happy Bella is." I nodded my head but didn't respond. "That's all I ever wanted for her." In a soft breath, he added, "It's what I want for myself."

"And you're gonna find it, Blake. You're gonna find that person, I know it."

"I always loved Bella, but sometimes I did think there could be more. Maybe we were just in it for Rose and because our best friends were all paired up."

"I wish you would come out with us for New Year's," I spoke softly. No matter what we had been through or what we had done to each other, I still felt like we could be friends. I wasn't sure exactly what it was about him, but for some reason, _not_ being friends with him didn't seem like an option.

He looked over his shoulder at me, smiling a little. "Where are you going?"

"Everyone's getting together at Mugshots. My parents and everyone are coming."

He shook his head. "I don't have a date."

"Well, you know…." I smiled. "… I do know someone who wouldn't mind if you showed up alone."

"Who?"

"Kate."

"Get out!" He laughed. "Really?"

"Oh yeah."

"What'd she say?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"She said you were cute. She's been asking Rose and me if you're seeing anyone."

He smiled. "Nuh-uh. Edward, if you're lying right now, I swear I'll fucking slit your throat."

I held my hands in front of me. "I swear that's what she said."

"She thinks I'm _cute_? Really?"

I chuckled to myself and rose up from my seat. "Well, I think I'm gonna go now. I just wanted to come by and see you. And I'm glad, you know… that we got to talk."

He stood up as well and nodded his head. "Me too… _actually._" He laughed.

We walked together to the front door from which I had just walked through, feeling completely unsure and vulnerable. But now that as I was walking through it again, I felt _lighter_… more free. Blake and I… well, I was beginning to believe we would be okay.

"Think about New Year's, okay? And call me and let me know," I added as I stepped on to the front porch.

He stood in the doorway and nodded. "Sure. I'll let you know."

"All right, Blake. We'll see ya."

I turned and started the short walk off the porch and onto the sidewalk. I hadn't gotten very far before Blake called out to me.

"Hey Edward?" he yelled.

I spun around. "Yeah?"

"What about Emmett's charger?"

"Oh," I laughed. "Actually, it's mine."

He laughed too and shook his head before closing the door. And yeah, I was certain we were on the right track to being just fine.

When New Year's Eve finally came around, I was at the happiest point in my life, truly. At times, I caught myself wondering if all of this was even real. At times, I thought maybe I'd wake up one day and not have Bella lying beside me. But no, this was my reality, and it was really, _really _spectacular.

"BELLA! LET'S GO!" Alice's shrill yell came from the other side of our closed bedroom door as we got ready to go out.

"Tell her to calm her ass down," Bella said from behind the bathroom door.

"CALM YOUR ASS DOWN, WOMAN!" I yelled in reply for her.

"Hurry up! I'm ready!" she screamed back.

I rolled my eyes as I tried to knot my tie in front of the large dresser mirror. I was just about to pull it through when in the mirror I saw the bathroom door open and Bella walked out, adjusting her high heels. I stopped immediately and let my hands fall to my sides, not caring at all that I would have to start all over.

She was covered in black sequins, making her quite literally glow. Her dress was short, _dangerously_ short, but her arms were covered to her wrists in tight long sleeves with the top covering her as well, straight across from collarbone to collarbone. Her hair was down and covering her face as she continued to bend over and adjust the straps of her high heels. When she finally fixed them, she rose with a flick of her hair from her face as well as a quick pull at the end of the dress which was most definitely _above_ mid-thigh. And when she turned around… _Lord_, when she turned around the entire back was cut out to just above her ass.

She walked towards me, her blue eyes being the only splash of color she was wearing.

"_Damn_," she smiled at me. "You look great."

"Uh… are you kidding?" I scoffed, wrapping my arms around her waist, the sequins tickling my skin. "You look amazing."

She smiled brighter and began to fix my forgotten tie. "I'll meet you at Mugshots in a little while, okay?"

I leaned forward, kissing along her neck and around her jawline. "And where do you think you're going looking like that?"

"Edward, come on." She laughed, gently pushing back so she could continue fixing my tie. "Alice, Rose and I are going to this new bar not too far away to get a few drinks before we meet all of you at Mugs."

"So, you're going to go drink at the bar… before you go drink at the bar?"

"Yes." She giggled. "Not for long though." She adjusted my tie one last time before gently patting my chest, telling me she was done.

"I say…." I moved back closer to her again and kissed around her ear, "… that we just forget going out so we can stay here and let me find out what's under this dress."

"Mmmm," she moaned before capturing my lips with hers. I drew her as close to me as she could possibly get while her arms grabbed and dug into my shoulders. She was literally clawing at my body as I walked her backwards to our bed. Our tongues twisted as our lips plucked at each other's again and again. I felt her jet black nails reach to loosen my tie that she had just finished.

"Oh God, baby," I whispered as I trailed my nose along the outside of her neck, pulling her head gently to allow me the most room possible.

When she had my tie loosened completely, she moved away abruptly and sat on the end of the bed. With her big blue eyes directly on me, she lifted each of her legs on the bed, high heels and all, until her knees were bent to her chest, putting on a full-frontal display to me. And damn, I got to see exactly what was under that dress.

Absolutely nothing.

"BELLA! COME ON! I'M SERIOUS!" came Alice's scream right at that moment. It was so loud it felt like she was screaming right into my ear next to me.

"Shit," Bella said under her breath and immediately popped off the bed and ran to grab her purse from the dresser. "I gotta go. I'm so sorry, babe."

"Wha… are you fucking serious?"

She walked over to me and kissed me briefly on the lips. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. But I already promised her."

I groaned, shutting my eyes tightly but reaching out for her hips yet again. "Why are you doing this to me?" I whined.

I felt her hand caress my check sweetly. "I love you, and we'll continue this before the night's over, okay?"

"But I wanna continue this now," I whined again, taking her hand from my cheek and pressing it over my erection.

She giggled and hugged me tightly around my waist, obviously assuming I was joking when I really, _really_ wasn't. She kissed my lips one last time before starting to run to the door.

"Well, at least put some panties on before you go out," I said.

She did nothing but wink at me over her shoulder before throwing open our door. Alice, of course, was standing on the other side.

"Gross. I heard that," she grimaced.

"Cock block," I replied.

"Eww." She visibly shook and shivered in repulsion before following Bella down the hall and out of our apartment.

I was left to tie my tie for the third time that night.

Jasper, Emmett and I decided to hang around my apartment for a little while before going to Mugshots so we weren't there too much earlier than the girls. We had a few beers and talked for a while before I got a call.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey, man. It's me."

Blake had texted me the day before to tell me he was coming out with us, but I hadn't heard from him all night so I just assumed he would meet us there.

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

"Where are you? Have you left yet? I'm on my way." He sounded nervous.

"No, actually, Emmett and Jasper are here with me, drinking a little before we go out. You should stop by."

There was a moment of silence, but I could still hear background noises so I knew he was in a car. I wasn't sure if he would want to come to Bella's old apartment. The same apartment he had stayed the night with her in, I was certain, many _many_ times before.

"Uh… yeah. Yeah. Okay." It was weird to hear anything other than confidence coming from Blake's voice. But hearing him sound vulnerable and unsure made me want to try that much harder to reassure him that us being friends could actually happen.

"All right, man. We'll see ya in a minute."

"Okay. Bye."

As soon as I hung up, Jasper and Emmett stopped talking and stared at me. I shrugged and smiled before taking another sip of my beer. They both smiled back, but didn't comment.

Not even when he showed up.

It was a little awkward at first, I had to admit. I could tell Blake desperately wanted to walk around the entire place and see what all was different about it. Truly, there wasn't that much that we had changed. A few of my pieces of furniture and some of Alice's decorative touches were all that were different. But still, I could tell when he walked in he was taking in every detail that had changed. I felt sorry for him and began to think that maybe this hadn't been the best idea, but when he turned around and came to sit with us, he gave me a small smile which I returned.

But then, after a while, things loosened up… and for a moment, things were back to normal between us. The four of us talked and laughed and joked around for almost two solid hours before we finally realized it was time to leave.

"Alice just texted me. They're on the way to Mugs right now," Jasper stated.

"All right. Let's go," I replied, standing up.

"Hold on. There's one more thing we have to do before we leave," Blake said. The three of us stood there, looking at him expectantly. A slow, cocky grin appeared on his face before he asked me, "You got a funnel?"

Four funneled beers and an interesting fifteen minute cab ride later, we pulled up in front of Mugshots, the small, ancient-looking bar we would always go to. Each one of us were uncharacteristically dressed up for this New Year's occasion which made the old wooden bar look much newer, nicer and not nearly as quaint as its everyday crowd.

The four of us were walking through the door when we heard a loud, shrill yell that said, "JASPER!"

We all stopped and turned around immediately. Alice was there, getting out of a black limousine in her silver, sparkly dress with a huge smile on her face. As soon as her five-inch pumps hit the pavement, she quickly ran to us, throwing her arms around Jasper's neck. He flew backwards a little in surprise but recovered nicely and hugged her back.

Our eyes went back to the limo as Rosalie appeared next in a red dress, stepping slowly and confidently out of the limo.

"Boys," she greeted us but kept walking through the doors and into the bar.

Our eyes returned to the limo, waiting patiently on my girlfriend. She never appeared.

"Alice? What the hell are you doing in a limo?" I asked for all of us who had our mouths open in utter shock.

She only drunkenly giggled in a response then hiccupped. Jasper's arm around her waist looked to be the only thing keeping her in a standing position.

"Where's Bella?" I asked her.

She smiled a little then hiccupped again.

"Alice? Where's my girlfriend?" I asked more firmly.

"There she is," Emmett answered for her.

We all turned around at the same time to watch as Bella slowly and gracefully stepped one foot out and the other on the pavement, then immediately stood to adjust her dress.

"Bella?" I called out to her.

She lifted her head and locked eyes with me. A beautiful smile lit up her face as she ran over to me. "Edward!" She sounded a little drunk. "Come meet Bill!"

"Bill?" _What the fuck?_ "Are you serious?"

"Yes! Come on! I want you to meet him!" She hugged me quickly around my waist because she knew how pissed off I seemed, but I reluctantly took her hand and let her lead me to the window of the limo.

Slowly, the dark window rolled down, and we both bent down slightly and leaned forward to look in at the older-looking man in an expensive suit with a bright smile on his face. But his face, this crisp, pristine-looking man, was familiar. And as his face swiveled to mine, his expression fell to a look of shock; I knew he had recognized me too.

"Edward?" he questioned.

"Mr. Layton?"

It was my old boss. Well, really, more than just my old _boss_. He was the partner… the owner… the _founder_ of Smith & Layton Law which had become one of the largest, most lucrative and highly sought after law firms in the Los Angeles area. I hadn't seen this man since I quit without much cause not but just a few months ago.

"Oh! You two know each other?" Bella asked, brightly.

"I used to work for him," I replied quietly. "How do you know him?"

He smiled once again and laughed lightly. "These lovely ladies needed a little saving earlier so I offered the drive them."

"These creepy guys were hitting on us at that other bar, and he came to our rescue. Thanks again, Bill. It was really sweet of you to drop us off." Bella smiled.

"You're very welcome, Miss Bella. I hope you have a wonderful night," he returned.

She leaned forward, sticking her head completely in his window and gave him a light kiss on his cheek. He smiled and tinted a slight shade of pink then looked at me to gage my reaction. Before I could even react, Bella had pulled away from the car and was grabbing my waist.

"Come on, baby…." she said, struggling to pull me with her.

"I'll be right there, okay?"

She looked up at me then in the limo window before nodding and skipping off to catch up with everyone else. After watching her return safely with our friends, I turned back to Mr. Layton, holding myself up above his window with my hand on top of his door.

"How have you been, Edward?" he asked, being the first speak.

"I've been great. Really great, actually," I replied. "I've been working for U Dub while taking classes. And I really love it."

"That's wonderful." We sat in silence for a few uncomfortable moments. This man had once been a very major figure in my life. At one time I thought he had everything I could ever possibly want in life. Money, extravagance, power… and I had been on the road to leading his life. This man had once been my role model, and now, I felt like I could not relate to him at all. Looking at his seven thousand dollar suit and his own personal driver just a few feet away, this man had nothing… _absolutely_ nothing that I wanted.

"So, Bella is your…." he hedged.

"Girlfriend. She's my girlfriend."

"She's… um… she's beautiful."

I nodded. "I know."

"Edward, there's something I need to say to you," he started. I waited patiently as he sighed once before beginning. "I've never been married. Never been _close_ to getting married. And I'm happy in the sense that I'm content with what I have, what I've accomplished. I'm blessed in _things_. There's not anything you could even imagine that I wouldn't be able to buy. But…." he continued, "… but I don't have anything close to what you have."

A chill went up my spine at his words. Goosebumps covered my skin as my heart soared high.

"You're very lucky, my boy," he finished.

I only nodded.

He nodded too then began to roll his window up. "Good bye, Edward. And good luck in all that you do."

I didn't have a chance to respond before he pulled away, leaving his words to ring in my head the entire night.

And so our night went on. And I had to say, it was one of the best nights of my life thus far. Bella was by my side the entire time. She always had her hand in mine or her arm around my waist, always touching me, always holding on. All of our friends were there as well. Shally, Feltman, Derrick, Flippo and all the gang were there with us drinking and laughing and dancing and celebrating this new year of new beginnings for everyone. No one questioned mine and Bella's relationship; no one looked at us weird or even seemed the least bit fazed by our body's magnetism. But I did notice Blake kept his distance and still had yet to come talk to Bella.

I, however, wasn't sure he was paying too much attention to us. Kate McGill had definitely caught his eye, making the two of them completely inseparable the whole night. When Kate had first arrived, she ran to Bella and me, giving us each a powerful hug since she hadn't seen us since before Christmas. She and Bella had finally become friends and reconciled any difference between them. Bella realized Kate wasn't after me, but that she really and truly had wanted me to be with Bella the whole time and just wanted to see me happy and in love, which was what I was now.

And then, one day, Kate told us about her little crush on Blake. We were both a little shocked at first, but ultimately, it seemed feasible. They were both out-spoken and a little cocky, making them a perfect match for one another. And now, by the looks of New Year's, their fate had been sealed as well.

"I've gotta pee," Bella announced before kissing my cheek and walking off.

"Do you want another drink?" I called out behind her. She gave me a 'duh' look over her shoulder beneath her eyelashes to which I laughed and said, "All right."

I made my way to the bar to order a drink and wait on Bella to return. The midnight hour was approaching so everyone was starting to couple up around the place. When I got to the bar, none other than Kate and Blake were standing there, leaning close and smiling at each other in conversation.

"Well, hello, you two. What do we have here, huh?" I teased.

"Red, did you know Kate golfs? She _golfs_," Blake smiled hugely.

I laughed and shook my head. "No, I did not know that."

I ordered Bella and me a couple of drinks and talked to them while I waited. It was nice to see Blake happy and laughing, but it was especially nice to be around him without the air between us being weird or uncomfortable.

However, I did see him tense up slightly when I felt two long, slender arms come around my waist from behind me, squeezing me tightly. She walked around beside me, still hugging my waist and smiled when she saw Blake and Kate.

She hugged Kate again, leaving my waist to grasp her shoulders tightly. She moved away from her and stood awkwardly in front of Blake, still smiling.

"Hey, Bella," he spoke softly. "You look… you look really nice tonight."

She smiled broader and grabbed him for a hug as well. "It's so good to see you."

"Good to see you too," he smiled too over her shoulder.

He looked up at me as he hugged her around her waist, his head peeking over her shoulder. A slow, sly grin spread across his face as his eyes locked with mine. The face of the Blake I had always known appeared, and as he hugged my life close to his body, his eyebrows wiggled at me where I was the only one to see.

"Okay, enough of that," I said, pulling Bella back to me and holding her close.

Blake's laugh echoed around us even as we walked off with our drinks to find a spot to ring in the New Year.

Even though there was a huge crowd, and even though we were shoulder to shoulder with all of those around us, I only felt connected to one person that night. The one with blue eyes and a sparkly black dress on who smelled like cotton candy.

We held each other close, chest to chest and stared into each other's eyes, smiles gracing each of our faces. I felt so light in that moment, so completely in love with this one person.

Someone yelled out, "Thirty seconds!" before I began to speak to her in song lyrics.

"_Probably get it wrong just to get it right, girl. You're probably gonna move. But I caught you now. Now I'll just have to bow down. Cause I love the way you move me. I love the way you move me."_

She shut her eyes and smiled. "Twenty seconds!" was called out.

So she spoke after opening her eyes again. "_I'm not all there, I'm a faithful sinner. I might get lost, but I'll be home for dinner. If God don't like me, he can hand me to hell. But I love the way you love me. I love the way you move me."_

"Ten… nine… eight… seven…."

"I love you, baby," I whispered. "So much."

"Six… five… four… three…."

"I love you too."

And we kissed.

We kissed to the New Year. We kissed to new beginnings. We kissed to the past, that it may stay right where it lay. We kissed to our future. We kissed to what was once our 'what if', but had become the here and the now.

_Doesn't everyone deserve to have the good life?_

_Dave Matthews Band – "Spaceman"_

* * *

**A/N: I can't believe it's over.**

**I am posting my next story next week. It's a lot different than this. Completely different actually, but I'm really excited. It will be much shorter with shorter (much quicker) chapters. Summary is still being worked on or I'd give it to you now. **

**Follow me on twitter (Twihart21ff) and I will tweet when exactly I am putting it up next week. OR put me on Author Alert. **

**A short epi will be posted soon. Thanks for reading.**


End file.
